The theme of this year's Bowl Pick Them is that there are 39 contests between collegiate football teams.
New Orleans Bowl:
Troy v North Texas
My pick: TROY 30
The state of Alabama has a University of North Alabama, a University of South Alabama, and a University of West Alabama, but no University of East Alabama. Good luck men of Troy
Cure Bowl:
Western Kentucky v Georgia St.
My pick: GEORGIA STATE 1
Your guess, she is as good as mine.
Las Vegas Bowl:
Boise St. v Oregon
My pick: OREGON 7
The first day of bowl season is a real knock-out. I don't mean to be blount, but it packs a punch.
New Mexico Bowl:
Marshall v Colorado St.
My pick: COLORADO STATE 21
(like at a basketball game or something where we're cheering stuff wes likes): brad. lee. van. pelt. clap clap clap clap clap
Camellia Bowl:
Middle Tennessee v Arkansas St.
My pick: ARKANSAS ST 31
No state is better prepared to have a Middle StateName University than is the great state of Tennessee. Apparently everyone in Arkansas except Arkansas State changed coaches this year.
Boca Raton Bowl:
Akron v FAU
My pick: FAU 39
I don't know or care anything about these teams or the Cheribundi Tart Cherry Boca Raton Bowl, but the bookies say this is the surest thing.
Frisco Bowl:
Louisiana Tech v SMU
My pick: SMU 11
I though I liked La Tech to win since Morris is leaving SMU. But I decided I like SMU to win because they want to impress their new coach. This is not terribly coherent.
Gasparilla Bowl:
Temple v FIU
My pick: FIU 3
Bad Boy Mowers Gasparilla Bowl. Bad Boy Mowers Gasparilla Bowl. Bad Boy Mowers Gasparilla Bowl. Bad Boy Mowers Gasparilla Bowl. Bad Boy Mowers Gasparilla Bowl. Bad Boy Mowers Gasparilla Bowl.
Bahamas Bowl:
Ohio v UAB
My pick: OHIO 6
I was going to assert that Alabama is the most over-represented state by population in bowl season, but there's nobody in Wyoming so I am pretty sure they would win. Anyway, way to go UAB. Bahamas!
Potato Bowl:
Central Michigan v Wyoming
My pick: WYOMING 17
It's fun to say POE TAY TOE like a moron.
Birmingham Bowl:
Texas Tech v USF
My pick: YOU GOT IT ALL ON USF 34
South Florida had to cancel one game and postpone another! What are the odds, you ask? Pretty good, apparently.
Armed Forces Bowl:
San Diego St. v Army
My pick: SAN DIEGO STATE 25
I copied the list of all the games into Microsoft Word and moved them around until it looked roughly like the order of confidence I have. I cannot guess how this game ended up here.
Dollar General Bowl:
Appalachian St. v Toledo
My pick: TOLEDO 24
The App Store should sponsor a bowl that App State plays at every year. The actual sponsor is everything culturally the opposite of the Apple company.
Hawaii Bowl:
Fresno St. v Houston
My pick: FRESNO STATE 19
When I was in college, I would have been enormously excited about this game.
Heart of Dallas Bowl:
Utah v West Virginia
My pick: WEST VIRGINIA 10
(pretend I'm a guy waking up from a coma): Utah is the Pac-10, and it's the Pac-12? West Virginia is in the Big Twelve, but it's got ten members? And they're playing a bowl game in Dallas? Where's my wife and family?
Quick Lane Bowl:
Duke v Northern Illinois
My pick: NO, ILLINOIS 26
When people complain about conference realignment ruining the sport, this is the game they mean. It took a tremendous amount of argument and more than one trip to court, but once they finally got everything in place, I had hoped the NOILL Network would ensure that the Huskies stayed in the GLTA Conference like they belonged, where they regularly represented the Northwest Division in the GLTACon Championship Game. Sure, the GLTA was sometimes "Duke, Northern Illinois, and the eleven dwarfs," but even traditionally weaker powers like Indiana University, Purdue University, and Indiana University-Purdue University Indianapolis would make bowl games every few years. Unfortunately for the fans, Northern Illinois's administration was always more worried about money, and they couldn't resist the Big 16's invitation as a football-only member. Former conference foe Duke had a difficult time of things as a result before TV money and the Big East came calling, but in the last few year they've really expanded their facilities--not just in football but in other nationally-recognized programs like equestrian and lacrosse. Many thought the bad feelings would evaporate once both programs, who played in six straight and nine out of twelve GLTACon title games in addition to their annual cross-division rivalry game (The Battle for the Bloody Bonnet), found homes in new conferences. Unfortunately, that wasn't to be. As it turns out, this year's historic Quick Lane Bowl will be the first game between these two giants since the famous "Snow-and-Slip" match up of 1983. Famously, current Northern Illinois coach Bobby Bowden was arrested at that game for propositioning a male prostitute while working at a concession stand; the only proposition he's making now is that his powerful triple option attack can pull out one more game before he moves on to the NFL to coach the San Jose Sharks.
Cactus Bowl:
Kansas St. v UCLA
My pick: KANSAS STATE 22
pretty quotidian matchup imo
Independence Bowl:
Southern Mist v Florida St.
My pick: FREE SHOES UNIVERSITY 14
There's no reason for Florida State not to win this game, right? They're much more talented, have an exciting new coach, etc etc. But games where coaches leave, especially as ridiculously as this, always make me nervous.
Pinstripe Bowl:
Iowa v Boston College
My pick: IOWA 29
I'm not extremely sold on Iowa football (I don't think I watched an Iowa game this year), but whenever I hear the name of a Boston College coach, I think, "Oh yeah, that loser. He's still coaching?"
Foster Farms Bowl:
Arizona v Purdue
My pick: PURDON'T 12
I watched virtually no B1G football and very little P12C football this year.
Texas Bowl:
Texas v Missouri
My pick: MIZZOU 18
Texas is bad at pass defense. Missouri is good at pass offense.
Military Bowl:
Virginia v Navy
My pick: NAVY 4
I'd like for Auburn to run a true option offense, but I don't think it's a realistic option for power recruiting teams. Anyway, I heard Ken N. has a really good record in bowl games.
Camping World Bowl:
Virginia Tech v Oklahoma St.
My pick: OKLAHOMA! STATE 36
Gunds up!
Alamo Bowl:
Stanford v TCU
My pick: TCU 32
This is a game between very good coaches who probably should be at stronger football programs.
Holiday Bowl:
Washington St. v Michigan St.
My pick: WASHINGTON STATE 16
Now we determine which is the real apple state.
Belk Bowl:
Wake Forest v TAMU
My pick: WAKE FOREST 20
My thinking on this one is that it sounds like Texas A&M is emotionally shattered from their coach getting fired. Also: Clawfense!
Sun Bowl:
NC St. v Arizona St.
My pick: NC STATE 33
Arizona State's coaching situation turned out pretty funny.
Music City Bowl:
Kentucky v Northwestern
My pick: NORTHWESTERN 37
Kentucky sucks! They finished bad because they're bad. Northwestern is a football team.
Arizona Bowl:
Utah St. v New Mexico St.
My pick: UTAH STATE 5
I don't know how to pick this game, which really should have a lower confidence ranking.
Cotton Bowl:
USC v Ohio St.
My pick: THE OHIO STATE 28
Gross.
TaxSlayer Bowl:
Louisville v Mississippi St.
My pick: LOUISVILLE 38
Remember Lamar! buttons? For Lamar Alexander? I do. Anyway, I'd like Mississippi State's chances if this game was in October, but it's coach-leaving season for Starkville.
Liberty Bowl:
Iowa St. v Memphis
My pick: MEMPHIS 13
Memphis seems like a better football team, but their in-demand coach may inspire Iowa State.
Fiesta Bowl:
Washington v Penn St.
My pick: PENN STATE 15
It looks like the line has moved Penn State's way but this seems like a tough choice to me. Joe Paterno joke.
Orange Bowl:
Wisconsin v Miami (FL)
My pick: WISCONSIN 35
I very much do not like Wisconsin. I've gotten to where I like Miami.
Outback Bowl:
Michigan v South Carolina
My pick: MICHIGAN 23
Michigan is way better than South Carolina. But it's a bowl game, where unusual things happen, and the score will probably be like 11-8, so one odd play could change the outcome of the game.
Peach Bowl:
UCF v Auburn
My pick: AUBRUN 27
I'm actually way more confident than this in an on-the-field sense, but it seems unlikely that things actually go well for Auburn.
Citrus Bowl:
Notre Dame v LSU
My pick: Notre Dame 2
Notre Dame has a better team and coaches, but LSU has more talent and finished the season on an upswing. This is the toughest pick of the games I feel like I know anything about.
Rose Bowl:
Georgia v Oklahoma
My pick: GEORGIA 9
Dan Wolken on Twitter said that Georgia is the best job in college football, which is manifestly untrue. This is about as bad a line up for the play off that we could possibly have. As to the game, Georgia is the better team, but great quarterbacks win big games.
Sugar Bowl:
Alabama v Clemson
My pick: alabama 8
I am really unsure that Alabama will beat Clemson. Saban is a much better coach, and Alabama will be playing for revenge, but they're not as good as they usually are, and they're still pretty beat up. Still, evil usually wins in this fallen world.
Wednesday, December 13, 2017
BINFORD TOOLS IS PROUD TO PRESENT... THA CAPTAINZ PICKS!!!! *crowd goes nuts with a mixture of hoots, hollars, and man-grunts!!!*
In honor of Tool Man, I made a bunch of bone-headed decisions. They are listed below.
The winner is listed first. That little number in parentheses? Well guess what that's the confidence.
NEW ORLEANS BOWL
(31) Troy / North Texas
Whoa, slow down there maestro. There's a NEW Orleans?
CURE BOWL
(21) Western Kentucky / Georgia St.
They should advertise this as "The Cure for the Common Bowl." They won't though, they'll probably try to raise money for breast cancer instead.
LAS VEGAS BOWL
(12) Boise St. / Oregon
Whoa, slow down there maestro. There's a LAS Vegas?
NEW MEXICO BOWL
(30) Colorado St. / Marshall
Whoa, slow down there maestro. Why isn't there a WHITE New Mexico Bowl?
CAMELLIA BOWL
(24) Arkansas St. / Middle Tennessee
I would have sworn to the divines that these teams were still in the same conference.
BOCA RATON BOWL
(39) FAU / Akron
Akrons grow into oac trees. (aoc trees? wasn't sure how exactly to draw the analogy. share your thoughts in the comments! NOT, I don't care)
FRISCO BOWL
(1) SMU / Louisiana Tech
Frisco, TX was founded along a line of the St. Louis-San Francisco Railway (known as "The Frisco"), thus the name. I looked it up on wikipedia. Also, according to the wik, "Another name [for the city], usually referred to only by the children of the land, is 'F-TOWN'." What's really messed up is that the St. Louis-San Francisco Railway never gets anywhere near San Francisco, California. Can you believe that
GASPARILLA BOWL
(3) FIU / Temple
I need a Bad Boy Mower so my neighbors will finally respect me.
BAHAMAS BOWL
(26) Ohio / UAB
It's amazing that UAB won 8 games, right? I'm amazed and I am not easily impressed!
POTATO BOWL
(2) Central Michigan / Wyoming
Fitting because Wyoming dresses like potatoes (brown). Why didn't the bowl pick Western Michigan (also dress like potatoes (brown)) instead of CMU (dresses like red potatoes maybe? (maroon))? fools
BIRMINGHAM BOWL
(20) USF / Texas Tech
Remember when we went to these
ARMED FORCES BOWL
(33) San Diego St. / Army
San Diego isn't even a state. this is stupid
DOLLAR GENERAL BOWL
(34) Toledo / Appalachian St.
I will never forget that guy's wooden sign. And I will never forgive him for it.
H'AWA'I'I BOWL
(4) Fresno St. / Houston
Look out! It's the Hawaii Bowl!
FART OF DALLAS BOWL
(25) Utah / West Virginia
I think this is the only game where i switched my pick after my initial snap judgment. Yet, somehow there is a 25 in front of it. I am clearly not trying.
QUICK LANE BOWL
(22) Northern Illinois / Duke
Cindy Crawford went to Northern Illinois. You know who went to Duke? HER BOSS!! (a man).
CACTUS BOWL
(19) Kansas St. / UCLA
Fun Fact: A cactus is not actually a plant.
INDEPENCENCE BOWL
(37) Florida St. / Southern Mist
Sick
PINSTRIPE BOWL
(14) Iowa / Boston College
Imagine this clash of accents!!! "ooh, we're playin in a bowl game don't ya know!" (Iowa) vs "ooh, we're playin in a bowl game don't ya know pahk my cah in hahvahd yahd" (BC)
FOSTER FARMS BOWL
(13) Arizona / Purdue
Farms? FarmS? Plural?! Ey Foster! Quit hoggin all da farms over heaya! aaah ahm just yankin yuh chain Foster yuhr alright.
TEXAS BOWL
(11) Texas / Missouri
Missouri must feel very left out. Imagine if they had just been like "welcome to lauren's wedding." Or "welcome to bsc graduation for all seniors except charles."
MILITARY BOWL
(6) Virginia / Navy
Freedom ain't free, y'all.
CAMPING WORLD BOWL
(16) Virginia Tech / Oklahoma St.
Camping ain't free, y'all.
ALAMO BOWL
(17) TCU / Samford
I can't get over how utterly devilish it is to call them "Samford."
PAWLIDAY BOWL
(18) Michigan St. / Washington St.
Bowl Game Trivia: this is the first time two teams with "State" in their names have played against one another in a bowl game. The record for bowl games is 7.
BELK BOWL
(8) Wake Forest / TAMU
Can you imagine bowls named after other 3Es? The Eric Filla-Bowl! That sounds druggy! The John Bowl.. that's a toilet!!! I could go on and on
SUN BOWL
(29) NC St. / Arizona St.
you miiiiight as well be bowlin on the sun
MUSIC CITY BOWL
(38) Northwestern / Kentucky
Kentucky sucks!! Gaaah!
ARIZONA BOWL
(9) New Mexico St. / Utah St.
Once again, probably would have said these guys were in the same conference.
COTTON BOWL
(28) Ohio St. / USC
This is a real Bad Boy Mower of a matchup.
TAXSLAYER BOWL
(36) Louisville / Mist St.
Get this: TaxSlayer, TaxMetallica, TaxAnthrax, and TaxMegadeth!!! The "Big 4" of Bay Area Thrash Tax Services.
LIBERTY BOWL
(23) Memphis / Iowa St.
li-"bear"-ty the beanie baby. I said that last year but it's the only thing I can think of when i see the word liberty.
FIESTA BOWL
(27) Penn St. / Washington
Writing 39 things is almost as hard as writing 40 things last year! Aaccck!!
ORANGE BOWL
(32) Wisconsin / Miami (FL)
I ask my wife to close her eyes christmas morning as i stand behind her, placing something around her neck. open your eyes, it's a turnover chain. merry christmas, jessie.
OUTBACK BOWL
(35) Michigan / South Carolina
Our dryer sheets are "blooming lavender" scented so every time i do laundry i say "bloomin' lavender" like the outback voiceover guy. it's great. the little things, you know?
PEACH BOWL
(5) UCF / Auburn
pronouncing peach like "peedge" to trigger the libs
CITRUS BOWL
(7) Notre Dame / LSU
Remember Mitch Hedberg, remember the thing where it's something about citrus? the bouyancy of citrus? I'm looking it up. Yeah that was it. The joke was that limes float so if he was on a sinking ship he would grab a lime and be saved by the bouyancy of citrus. classic.
ROSE BOWL
(10) Georgia / Oklahoma
I was surprised that Georgia and Oklahoma have never played before.
SUGAR BOWL
(15) Alabama / Clemson
I was surprised that Alabama and Clemson have never played before.
The winner is listed first. That little number in parentheses? Well guess what that's the confidence.
NEW ORLEANS BOWL
(31) Troy / North Texas
Whoa, slow down there maestro. There's a NEW Orleans?
CURE BOWL
(21) Western Kentucky / Georgia St.
They should advertise this as "The Cure for the Common Bowl." They won't though, they'll probably try to raise money for breast cancer instead.
LAS VEGAS BOWL
(12) Boise St. / Oregon
Whoa, slow down there maestro. There's a LAS Vegas?
NEW MEXICO BOWL
(30) Colorado St. / Marshall
Whoa, slow down there maestro. Why isn't there a WHITE New Mexico Bowl?
CAMELLIA BOWL
(24) Arkansas St. / Middle Tennessee
I would have sworn to the divines that these teams were still in the same conference.
BOCA RATON BOWL
(39) FAU / Akron
Akrons grow into oac trees. (aoc trees? wasn't sure how exactly to draw the analogy. share your thoughts in the comments! NOT, I don't care)
FRISCO BOWL
(1) SMU / Louisiana Tech
Frisco, TX was founded along a line of the St. Louis-San Francisco Railway (known as "The Frisco"), thus the name. I looked it up on wikipedia. Also, according to the wik, "Another name [for the city], usually referred to only by the children of the land, is 'F-TOWN'." What's really messed up is that the St. Louis-San Francisco Railway never gets anywhere near San Francisco, California. Can you believe that
GASPARILLA BOWL
(3) FIU / Temple
I need a Bad Boy Mower so my neighbors will finally respect me.
BAHAMAS BOWL
(26) Ohio / UAB
It's amazing that UAB won 8 games, right? I'm amazed and I am not easily impressed!
POTATO BOWL
(2) Central Michigan / Wyoming
Fitting because Wyoming dresses like potatoes (brown). Why didn't the bowl pick Western Michigan (also dress like potatoes (brown)) instead of CMU (dresses like red potatoes maybe? (maroon))? fools
BIRMINGHAM BOWL
(20) USF / Texas Tech
Remember when we went to these
ARMED FORCES BOWL
(33) San Diego St. / Army
San Diego isn't even a state. this is stupid
DOLLAR GENERAL BOWL
(34) Toledo / Appalachian St.
I will never forget that guy's wooden sign. And I will never forgive him for it.
H'AWA'I'I BOWL
(4) Fresno St. / Houston
Look out! It's the Hawaii Bowl!
FART OF DALLAS BOWL
(25) Utah / West Virginia
I think this is the only game where i switched my pick after my initial snap judgment. Yet, somehow there is a 25 in front of it. I am clearly not trying.
QUICK LANE BOWL
(22) Northern Illinois / Duke
Cindy Crawford went to Northern Illinois. You know who went to Duke? HER BOSS!! (a man).
CACTUS BOWL
(19) Kansas St. / UCLA
Fun Fact: A cactus is not actually a plant.
INDEPENCENCE BOWL
(37) Florida St. / Southern Mist
Sick
PINSTRIPE BOWL
(14) Iowa / Boston College
Imagine this clash of accents!!! "ooh, we're playin in a bowl game don't ya know!" (Iowa) vs "ooh, we're playin in a bowl game don't ya know pahk my cah in hahvahd yahd" (BC)
FOSTER FARMS BOWL
(13) Arizona / Purdue
Farms? FarmS? Plural?! Ey Foster! Quit hoggin all da farms over heaya! aaah ahm just yankin yuh chain Foster yuhr alright.
TEXAS BOWL
(11) Texas / Missouri
Missouri must feel very left out. Imagine if they had just been like "welcome to lauren's wedding." Or "welcome to bsc graduation for all seniors except charles."
MILITARY BOWL
(6) Virginia / Navy
Freedom ain't free, y'all.
CAMPING WORLD BOWL
(16) Virginia Tech / Oklahoma St.
Camping ain't free, y'all.
ALAMO BOWL
(17) TCU / Samford
I can't get over how utterly devilish it is to call them "Samford."
PAWLIDAY BOWL
(18) Michigan St. / Washington St.
Bowl Game Trivia: this is the first time two teams with "State" in their names have played against one another in a bowl game. The record for bowl games is 7.
BELK BOWL
(8) Wake Forest / TAMU
Can you imagine bowls named after other 3Es? The Eric Filla-Bowl! That sounds druggy! The John Bowl.. that's a toilet!!! I could go on and on
SUN BOWL
(29) NC St. / Arizona St.
you miiiiight as well be bowlin on the sun
MUSIC CITY BOWL
(38) Northwestern / Kentucky
Kentucky sucks!! Gaaah!
ARIZONA BOWL
(9) New Mexico St. / Utah St.
Once again, probably would have said these guys were in the same conference.
COTTON BOWL
(28) Ohio St. / USC
This is a real Bad Boy Mower of a matchup.
TAXSLAYER BOWL
(36) Louisville / Mist St.
Get this: TaxSlayer, TaxMetallica, TaxAnthrax, and TaxMegadeth!!! The "Big 4" of Bay Area Thrash Tax Services.
LIBERTY BOWL
(23) Memphis / Iowa St.
li-"bear"-ty the beanie baby. I said that last year but it's the only thing I can think of when i see the word liberty.
FIESTA BOWL
(27) Penn St. / Washington
Writing 39 things is almost as hard as writing 40 things last year! Aaccck!!
ORANGE BOWL
(32) Wisconsin / Miami (FL)
I ask my wife to close her eyes christmas morning as i stand behind her, placing something around her neck. open your eyes, it's a turnover chain. merry christmas, jessie.
OUTBACK BOWL
(35) Michigan / South Carolina
Our dryer sheets are "blooming lavender" scented so every time i do laundry i say "bloomin' lavender" like the outback voiceover guy. it's great. the little things, you know?
PEACH BOWL
(5) UCF / Auburn
pronouncing peach like "peedge" to trigger the libs
CITRUS BOWL
(7) Notre Dame / LSU
Remember Mitch Hedberg, remember the thing where it's something about citrus? the bouyancy of citrus? I'm looking it up. Yeah that was it. The joke was that limes float so if he was on a sinking ship he would grab a lime and be saved by the bouyancy of citrus. classic.
ROSE BOWL
(10) Georgia / Oklahoma
I was surprised that Georgia and Oklahoma have never played before.
SUGAR BOWL
(15) Alabama / Clemson
I was surprised that Alabama and Clemson have never played before.
Monday, December 04, 2017
The Definitive History of the Bowl Pick Them
CRISIS wins in parentheses.
2005 - 2007: I can't prove that it happened.
2008: Second best win pct (.684) in non-CRISIS games.
Charles: 22-12 (9)
Captain: 19-15 (6)
2009: Fewest CRISIS games. Our worst combined performance. Worst victorious win pct. I just picked favorites. That did not pay off.
Charles: 18-16 (3)
Captain: 17-17 (2)
2010: The only time someone hasn't hit .500.
Charles: 21-14 (8)
Captain: 17-18 (4)
2011: Not particularly remarkable, I guess. This roughly approximates the 9 years overall.
Charles: 22-13 (8)
Captain: 19-16 (5)
2012: The Gold Standard of Pick Them performances (by you anyway). Also the best combined performance but that's just because you did so well. Our best performance (.778) in non-CRISIS games.
Charles: 26-9 (12)
Captain: 19-16 (5)
2013: My best performance (my only time over .600, which you have topped 5 times). Your worst performance. The perfect storm.
Charles: 18-17 (4)
Captain: 22-13 (8)
2014: Most CRISIS games.
Charles: 23-15 (11)
Captain: 20-18 (8)
2015: Highest win pct in CRISIS games.
Charles: 26-14 (9)
Captain: 20-20 (3)
2016: Best performance in a losing effort.
Charles: 23-17 (6)
Captain: 24-16 (7)
2008-2016:
Charles: 199-127 (70), .610
Captain: 177-149 (48), .543
2005 - 2007: I can't prove that it happened.
2008: Second best win pct (.684) in non-CRISIS games.
Charles: 22-12 (9)
Captain: 19-15 (6)
2009: Fewest CRISIS games. Our worst combined performance. Worst victorious win pct. I just picked favorites. That did not pay off.
Charles: 18-16 (3)
Captain: 17-17 (2)
2010: The only time someone hasn't hit .500.
Charles: 21-14 (8)
Captain: 17-18 (4)
2011: Not particularly remarkable, I guess. This roughly approximates the 9 years overall.
Charles: 22-13 (8)
Captain: 19-16 (5)
2012: The Gold Standard of Pick Them performances (by you anyway). Also the best combined performance but that's just because you did so well. Our best performance (.778) in non-CRISIS games.
Charles: 26-9 (12)
Captain: 19-16 (5)
2013: My best performance (my only time over .600, which you have topped 5 times). Your worst performance. The perfect storm.
Charles: 18-17 (4)
Captain: 22-13 (8)
2014: Most CRISIS games.
Charles: 23-15 (11)
Captain: 20-18 (8)
2015: Highest win pct in CRISIS games.
Charles: 26-14 (9)
Captain: 20-20 (3)
2016: Best performance in a losing effort.
Charles: 23-17 (6)
Captain: 24-16 (7)
2008-2016:
Charles: 199-127 (70), .610
Captain: 177-149 (48), .543
2017 3E BOWL PICK THEM
TO SORT THROUGH ALL THIS GARBAGE WE'RE GONNA NEED... MORE POWER!!!1 *AARRUGGH, RUGGH, RUGGH*
SPECIAL NOTE: THAT FONT ON THE SCORE BOARD IS CALLED "JOKERMAN." BUT IN THIS CASE IT SHOULD BE CALLED "TOOL MAN." *AARRUGGH, RUGGH, RUGGH* BUT ALSO "JOKERMAN" IS FINE BECAUSE, IN HIS HEART OF HEARTS, THE TOOL MAN IS ALSO A JOKER MAN. *ARRUGHH*
Ok we all know the rules. Please submit your picks along with confidence ranking sometime before the games start. I shouldn't have to say this.
1 (least confident, like Al or maybe the shameful weakling child Mark) - 39 (most confident, as is the style of the Tool Man or his other, better sons)
New Orleans Bowl:
Troy v North Texas
Cure Bowl:
Western Kentucky v Georgia St.
Las Vegas Bowl:
Boise St. v Oregon
New Mexico Bowl:
Marshall v Colorado St.
Camellia Bowl:
Middle Tennessee v Arkansas St.
Boca Raton Bowl:
Akron v FAU
Frisco Bowl:
Louisiana Tech v SMU
Gasparilla Bowl:
Temple v FIU
Bahamas Bowl:
Ohio v UAB
Potato Bowl:
Central Michigan v Wyoming
Birmingham Bowl:
Texas Tech v USF
Armed Forces Bowl:
San Diego St. v Army
Dollar General Bowl:
Appalachian St. v Toledo
Hawaii Bowl:
Fresno St. v Houston
Heart of Dallas Bowl:
Utah v West Virginia
Quick Lane Bowl:
Duke v Northern Illinois
Cactus Bowl:
Kansas St. v UCLA
Independence Bowl:
Southern Mist v Florida St.
Pinstripe Bowl:
Iowa v Boston College
Foster Farms Bowl:
Arizona v Purdue
Texas Bowl:
Texas v Missouri
Military Bowl:
Virginia v Navy
Camping World Bowl:
Virginia Tech v Oklahoma St.
Alamo Bowl:
Stanford v TCU
Holiday Bowl:
Washington St. v Michigan St.
Belk Bowl:
Wake Forest v TAMU
Sun Bowl:
NC St. v Arizona St.
Music City Bowl:
Kentucky v Northwestern
Arizona Bowl:
Utah St. v New Mexico St.
Cotton Bowl:
USC v Ohio St.
TaxSlayer Bowl:
Louisville v Mississippi St.
Liberty Bowl:
Iowa St. v Memphis
Fiesta Bowl:
Washington v Penn St.
Orange Bowl:
Wisconsin v Miami (FL)
Outback Bowl:
Michigan v South Carolina
Peach Bowl:
UCF v Auburn
Citrus Bowl:
Notre Dame v LSU
Rose Bowl:
Georgia v Oklahoma
Sugar Bowl:
Alabama v Clemson
Commence to pickin.
Monday, November 27, 2017
Wow
It's over!
The Happy Guy: 4-5 (49-46-3)
The Sad Boy: 3-6 (45-50-3)
Remarkably similar results to last year:
C: 50-45-2
Tha C: 44-51-2
It really makes you think.
The Happy Guy: 4-5 (49-46-3)
The Sad Boy: 3-6 (45-50-3)
Remarkably similar results to last year:
C: 50-45-2
Tha C: 44-51-2
It really makes you think.
Wednesday, November 22, 2017
PICKS SO GOOD IT'S SCARY BECAUSE IT'S WEEK THIRTEEN BABY
You know what I see this week? A whole bunch of trash can games I wouldn't bet if this weren't a pick them situation, where lives are on the line and it's for all the marbles, marbles like Respect and Decency.
---
Old Mist (+16.5) Them dogs let me down last time. Mississippi State will definitely win 38-28 or something stupid like that.
Missouri (-10.5) Them hogs also let me down last time in the sense of not losing how I thought they should, but Bill Connelly had a thing about how the numbers aren't keeping up with Missourah, and I found it convincing.
Georgia (-11) For some reason I thought Georgia Tech was like 8-3, but they're having a real garbage season too. Should Auburn lose, I hope Tech wins, then Georgia beats Alabama, and the SEC gets left out of the playoff.
Florida State (-5.5) Florida State has a lot more to play for in this game, I .... guess? Wouldn't bet this game.
Kentucky (+10) Louisville was a crazy big favorite last year and then lost. Louisville will piddle around for 55 minutes and then win by 8.
Alabama (-4.5) it's like, c'mon man
Tennessee (-1) What a nightmare this one is.
South Carolina (+14) Of the games that don't involve dumpster teams that nobody should bet, this is the hardest pick. Clemson is a lot better with more to play for, but Muschamp is doing a really good job this year and was super mad because they got pasted last season. I like Clemson to win in a 21-14-type game.
LSU (-10.5) nah
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Old Mist (+16.5) Them dogs let me down last time. Mississippi State will definitely win 38-28 or something stupid like that.
Missouri (-10.5) Them hogs also let me down last time in the sense of not losing how I thought they should, but Bill Connelly had a thing about how the numbers aren't keeping up with Missourah, and I found it convincing.
Georgia (-11) For some reason I thought Georgia Tech was like 8-3, but they're having a real garbage season too. Should Auburn lose, I hope Tech wins, then Georgia beats Alabama, and the SEC gets left out of the playoff.
Florida State (-5.5) Florida State has a lot more to play for in this game, I .... guess? Wouldn't bet this game.
Kentucky (+10) Louisville was a crazy big favorite last year and then lost. Louisville will piddle around for 55 minutes and then win by 8.
Alabama (-4.5) it's like, c'mon man
Tennessee (-1) What a nightmare this one is.
South Carolina (+14) Of the games that don't involve dumpster teams that nobody should bet, this is the hardest pick. Clemson is a lot better with more to play for, but Muschamp is doing a really good job this year and was super mad because they got pasted last season. I like Clemson to win in a 21-14-type game.
LSU (-10.5) nah
this is the end
well its been fun
Old Mist +16.5 Seems like I pick against Mississippi State every week. Looking at it, I've picked them 3 times. I've also picked Vandy and LSU only three times each. The fewest? Oh you guessed it; I have picked against Auburn every single time because I'm a bad fan.
Missouri -10.5 Don't mess with a streak.
Georgia Tech +11 Dogs win obviously.
Florida +5.5 This will be wrong. Florida is 0-4 ATS as an underdog this year.
Louisville -10 Seems right.
Alabama -4.5 Toot toot! Here comes the Tide!
Tennessee -1 Who would actually bet on this? Degenerates and fools.
South Carolina +14 Clemson usually lets teams hang around somewhat and South Carolina isn't altogether terrible. Right?
LSU -10.5 You are right about Texas A&M, I would not bet on this game even if I were rich as hell.
Old Mist +16.5 Seems like I pick against Mississippi State every week. Looking at it, I've picked them 3 times. I've also picked Vandy and LSU only three times each. The fewest? Oh you guessed it; I have picked against Auburn every single time because I'm a bad fan.
Missouri -10.5 Don't mess with a streak.
Georgia Tech +11 Dogs win obviously.
Florida +5.5 This will be wrong. Florida is 0-4 ATS as an underdog this year.
Louisville -10 Seems right.
Alabama -4.5 Toot toot! Here comes the Tide!
Tennessee -1 Who would actually bet on this? Degenerates and fools.
South Carolina +14 Clemson usually lets teams hang around somewhat and South Carolina isn't altogether terrible. Right?
LSU -10.5 You are right about Texas A&M, I would not bet on this game even if I were rich as hell.
Tuesday, November 21, 2017
Its week 13 baby
Well, I gave myself a shot. Breathtaking. Awe inspiring. UConn women.
Charles: 4-3 (45-41-3)
Captain: 7-0 (42-44-3)
Now, get a loada these:
Old Mist @ Mississippi State (-16.5)
Missouri (-10.5) @ Arkansas
Georgia (-11) @ Georgia Tech
Florida State (-5.5) @ Florida
Louisville (-10) @ Kentucky
Alabama (-4.5) @ Auburn
Vanderbilt @ Tennessee (-1)
Clemson (-14) @ South Carolina
TAMU @ LSU (-10.5)
Charles: 4-3 (45-41-3)
Captain: 7-0 (42-44-3)
Now, get a loada these:
Old Mist @ Mississippi State (-16.5)
Missouri (-10.5) @ Arkansas
Georgia (-11) @ Georgia Tech
Florida State (-5.5) @ Florida
Louisville (-10) @ Kentucky
Alabama (-4.5) @ Auburn
Vanderbilt @ Tennessee (-1)
Clemson (-14) @ South Carolina
TAMU @ LSU (-10.5)
Thursday, November 16, 2017
my name is tha captain and i'm here to say: my week twelve picks are on display (below)
I've got a lot of ground to make up over the next two weeks. Luckily, I'm great at making things up.
Like for example I just imagined a guy saying "fork knife" instead of "fortnight." I made that up. Nobody has ever actually made that gaffe before.
UL-Monroe +37 Lotta points there.
Arkansas +11.5 I have never been wrong about Arkansas.
Georgia -21.5 Grrrrr! We're still angry about soldier boy!!
Florida -10.5 Or Florida will lose. I don't know.
Texas A&M +3 Texas A&M has a "12th man." Hard to argue with that, even on the road.
LSU -15.5 Seems like Tennessee will be a bunch of very sad boys.
Missouri -8.5 This was the most obvious pick to me. Therefore, Vando will win in a romp.
Like for example I just imagined a guy saying "fork knife" instead of "fortnight." I made that up. Nobody has ever actually made that gaffe before.
UL-Monroe +37 Lotta points there.
Arkansas +11.5 I have never been wrong about Arkansas.
Georgia -21.5 Grrrrr! We're still angry about soldier boy!!
Florida -10.5 Or Florida will lose. I don't know.
Texas A&M +3 Texas A&M has a "12th man." Hard to argue with that, even on the road.
LSU -15.5 Seems like Tennessee will be a bunch of very sad boys.
Missouri -8.5 This was the most obvious pick to me. Therefore, Vando will win in a romp.
big c in the house, in the house tonight, gonna make these picks, gonna make em right
UL-Monroe (+37) Auburn is good, and Auburn is fine, but can't imagine that Auburn beats THIS line, This game won't matter and this line is a troll, cause Auburn rests some starters for the Iron Bowl
Mississississippi State (-11.5) This game is it--just what I feared, a game where the line looks really weird, I try not to be mean and don't say this to hurt, but you best pick against the Hogs 'til they fire Bert
Georgia (-21.5) These dogs irate, these dogs real mad, these dogs about to beat Kentucky real bad, And while looking forward is always swell, look back at last week and L O L
UAB (+10.5) Florida is hurting, they're looking for a spark, no way they get it against Big Bill Clark, Firing their coach did this team no favors, when they fail to cover against the mighty blazers
Old Mist (-3) If you spell it different, wes gets pissed, which I guess is cause enough for old mist
LSU (-15.5) If LSU wins out we could call it a hat trick, and did you know that Brady's middle name is Patrick? LSU is pretty good, and that's no joke, but I base this pick on my main man Hoke
Missouri (-8.5) Maybe I'm wrong but it seems to me that Vandy's not much better than Tennessee
Mississississippi State (-11.5) This game is it--just what I feared, a game where the line looks really weird, I try not to be mean and don't say this to hurt, but you best pick against the Hogs 'til they fire Bert
Georgia (-21.5) These dogs irate, these dogs real mad, these dogs about to beat Kentucky real bad, And while looking forward is always swell, look back at last week and L O L
UAB (+10.5) Florida is hurting, they're looking for a spark, no way they get it against Big Bill Clark, Firing their coach did this team no favors, when they fail to cover against the mighty blazers
Old Mist (-3) If you spell it different, wes gets pissed, which I guess is cause enough for old mist
LSU (-15.5) If LSU wins out we could call it a hat trick, and did you know that Brady's middle name is Patrick? LSU is pretty good, and that's no joke, but I base this pick on my main man Hoke
Missouri (-8.5) Maybe I'm wrong but it seems to me that Vandy's not much better than Tennessee
Wednesday, November 15, 2017
Week 12
A Wes of a Thousand Colors: 3-5 (35-44-3)
The Fairly Drab C: 4-4 (41-38-3)
UL-Monroe at Auburn (-37)
Mississississippi State (-11.5) at Arkansas
Kuntecky at Georgia (-21.5)
UAB at Florida (-10.5)
Texas A&M at Old Mist (-3)
LSU (-15.5) at Tennessee
Missouri (-8.5) at Vanderbilt
The Lineless: Alabama, South Carolina
The Fairly Drab C: 4-4 (41-38-3)
UL-Monroe at Auburn (-37)
Mississississippi State (-11.5) at Arkansas
Kuntecky at Georgia (-21.5)
UAB at Florida (-10.5)
Texas A&M at Old Mist (-3)
LSU (-15.5) at Tennessee
Missouri (-8.5) at Vanderbilt
The Lineless: Alabama, South Carolina
Thursday, November 09, 2017
Tha Captainz Week Eleven (or should I say week "jane" (stranger things ref (spoiler alert!))) Pix
I humbly submit these picks. Really just honored to be competing.
Arkansas +17.5 Man, I don't know I just think the hogs got something for em.
Old Mist -19.5 Crap, I don't know I just think the rebs got a little something for em.
South Carolina -7 Hell, I don't know I just have a feeling that the cocks gonna have a little something for em.
Georgia -2.5 Dang, I don't know I just know the dawgs are gonna have a little something for em.
Kentucky +3 I mean, I don't know I just think the cats are going to have a little something for em.
Alabama -14 Hey, I really don't know I just have that feeling like the tide's gonna have a little something for em.
New Mexico +19 Look, I'm not claiming to know, I just think that the 'bos are gonna have a little something for em.
Tennessee +10.5 Dude, I don't know it just seems like the vols have a little something for em.
Arkansas +17.5 Man, I don't know I just think the hogs got something for em.
Old Mist -19.5 Crap, I don't know I just think the rebs got a little something for em.
South Carolina -7 Hell, I don't know I just have a feeling that the cocks gonna have a little something for em.
Georgia -2.5 Dang, I don't know I just know the dawgs are gonna have a little something for em.
Kentucky +3 I mean, I don't know I just think the cats are going to have a little something for em.
Alabama -14 Hey, I really don't know I just have that feeling like the tide's gonna have a little something for em.
New Mexico +19 Look, I'm not claiming to know, I just think that the 'bos are gonna have a little something for em.
Tennessee +10.5 Dude, I don't know it just seems like the vols have a little something for em.
(311 voice) it's week ellleeeevvvvveeeeeennnnnen
LSU (-17.5) Arkansas has a bad offensive line, and LSU has a very good offensive line.
Old Mist (-19.5) This was a hard pick.
South Carolina (-7) lol
Georgia (-2.5) I very much hope to be wrong
Kentucky (+3) I don't like the way Google does CFB schedule searches anymore. Kind of surprised at this line.
Alabama (-14) never. in. doubt.
New Mexico (+19) LOS LOBOS GIGANTE
Tennessee (+10.5) I don't know
Old Mist (-19.5) This was a hard pick.
South Carolina (-7) lol
Georgia (-2.5) I very much hope to be wrong
Kentucky (+3) I don't like the way Google does CFB schedule searches anymore. Kind of surprised at this line.
Alabama (-14) never. in. doubt.
New Mexico (+19) LOS LOBOS GIGANTE
Tennessee (+10.5) I don't know
Tuesday, November 07, 2017
week eleven or should i say week "Jane" (stranger things ref (spoiler alert!))
there's so much blood
Charles About Town: 6-2-1 (37-34-3)
Low Down Brown: 2-6-1 (32-39-3)
Arkansas @ LSU (-17.5)
You'll Laugh @ Old Mist (-19.5)
Florida @ South Carolina (-7)
Georgia (-2.5) @ Auburn
Kentucky @ Vanderbilt (-3)
Alabama (-14) @ Mississippi State
New Mexico @ TAMU (-19)
Tennessee @ Missouri (-10.5)
Charles About Town: 6-2-1 (37-34-3)
Low Down Brown: 2-6-1 (32-39-3)
Arkansas @ LSU (-17.5)
You'll Laugh @ Old Mist (-19.5)
Florida @ South Carolina (-7)
Georgia (-2.5) @ Auburn
Kentucky @ Vanderbilt (-3)
Alabama (-14) @ Mississippi State
New Mexico @ TAMU (-19)
Tennessee @ Missouri (-10.5)
Thursday, November 02, 2017
you know it's week ten boooyyyzzzz
Auburn (-15) TAMU is a team on the decline.
UMass (+28) Does it seem like Mississippi State plays UMass a lot? I feel like they do, but I don't feel it strongly enough to actually check or anything.
Missouri (-3.5) yep
Western Kentucky (+10) Almost prepared to pick WKU straight up.
South Carolina (+24.5) I think Mustouchamp is doing a good job so far.
Kentucky (-3.5) you can throw out the records when these two superpowers finally match wits on the chessboard
Coastal Carolina (+23) How am I supposed to pick this game?
Tennessee (-6.5) I got to feel like Tennessee is a better team than UAB.
LSU (+21) An LSU win would be magical, but I expect them to lose 31-17.
UMass (+28) Does it seem like Mississippi State plays UMass a lot? I feel like they do, but I don't feel it strongly enough to actually check or anything.
Missouri (-3.5) yep
Western Kentucky (+10) Almost prepared to pick WKU straight up.
South Carolina (+24.5) I think Mustouchamp is doing a good job so far.
Kentucky (-3.5) you can throw out the records when these two superpowers finally match wits on the chessboard
Coastal Carolina (+23) How am I supposed to pick this game?
Tennessee (-6.5) I got to feel like Tennessee is a better team than UAB.
LSU (+21) An LSU win would be magical, but I expect them to lose 31-17.
Week 1G
This week's theme is Dean "Mean Dean" Koontz.
TAMU +15 The Flesh in the Furnace (1972) - Living puppets! It's crazy.
Mississippi State -28 Demon Seed (1973) - A artificially intelligent house tries to get a woman pregnant! It's wild.
Florida +3.5 The Key to Midnight (1979) - A woman loses her memory! It's insane.
Western Kentucky +10 Watchers (1987) - There's a super smart dog! It's wild.
South Carolina +24.5 Hideaway (1992) - Something about a wreck! I think I read this. It's insane.
Kentucky -3.5 Dark Rivers of the Heart (1994) - Something about another dog maybe? It's crazy.
Arkansas -23 I am tired of looking up Dean Koontz novels. I have work to do.
Tennessee -6.5 Ok I'm back. I finished my work.
Alabama -21 My only football related comment is that it's weird that I thought Missouri was the worst team in the SEC six weeks ago and now they're favorites over Florida.
TAMU +15 The Flesh in the Furnace (1972) - Living puppets! It's crazy.
Mississippi State -28 Demon Seed (1973) - A artificially intelligent house tries to get a woman pregnant! It's wild.
Florida +3.5 The Key to Midnight (1979) - A woman loses her memory! It's insane.
Western Kentucky +10 Watchers (1987) - There's a super smart dog! It's wild.
South Carolina +24.5 Hideaway (1992) - Something about a wreck! I think I read this. It's insane.
Kentucky -3.5 Dark Rivers of the Heart (1994) - Something about another dog maybe? It's crazy.
Arkansas -23 I am tired of looking up Dean Koontz novels. I have work to do.
Tennessee -6.5 Ok I'm back. I finished my work.
Alabama -21 My only football related comment is that it's weird that I thought Missouri was the worst team in the SEC six weeks ago and now they're favorites over Florida.
Wednesday, November 01, 2017
Week and 10 let's do it again
A Charles In The Streets: 4-2 (31-32-2)
A Wesley In The Sheets: 3-3 (30-33-2)
THE RACE TO .500 CONTINUES
Auburn (-15) at TAMU
UMass at Mississississippi State (-28)
Florida at Missouri (-3.5)
Western Kentucky at Wanderbuilt (-10)
South Carolina at Georgia (-24.5)
Old Mist at Kentucky (-3.5)
Coastal Carolina at Arkansas (-23)
Southern Miss at Tennessee (-6.5)
LSU at Alabama (-21)
Unless my eyes doth deceive me, Auburn is the only road favorite. Probably fine!
A Wesley In The Sheets: 3-3 (30-33-2)
THE RACE TO .500 CONTINUES
Auburn (-15) at TAMU
UMass at Mississississippi State (-28)
Florida at Missouri (-3.5)
Western Kentucky at Wanderbuilt (-10)
South Carolina at Georgia (-24.5)
Old Mist at Kentucky (-3.5)
Coastal Carolina at Arkansas (-23)
Southern Miss at Tennessee (-6.5)
LSU at Alabama (-21)
Unless my eyes doth deceive me, Auburn is the only road favorite. Probably fine!
Thursday, October 26, 2017
It's vitally important that I do well this week...
So I'm going to try really hard to get these correct. All resources are at my disposal. Six and oh, here I come!
Old Mist -3.5 Gotta get off to a good start; really "set the tone." Talked to my parents about who they thought I should pick here. Always good to get advice from your elders.
Florida +14 Prayed hard about this one.
South Carolina -6.5 Called one of those psychic help-lines here. They say they're "for entertainment purposes only" but there's got to be something to 'em.
Missouri -11.5 Talked with my wife (borat ha ha). After a long, hard (long, hard ha ha) all-nighter (ha ha) we made a decision AS A TEAM. That's what marriage is. It's a team effort!
TAMU +1 Emailed Ivan Maisel (really smart football guy, been "around the block" when it comes to the SEC). Didn't respond. Prayed again.
Tennessee +5.5 Went to the most bountiful font of knowledge there is: The G-Meister. That's right folks. He thought they were playing Georgia in Atlanta (where UGA is) at "The Atlanta Dome" on NBC at 9:30because "they always play morning games in the SEC" but he did say "Tennessee" at one point during a rambling digression about Benghazi (which he called "Mogaduzi") so we're going Vols, baby!
Old Mist -3.5 Gotta get off to a good start; really "set the tone." Talked to my parents about who they thought I should pick here. Always good to get advice from your elders.
Florida +14 Prayed hard about this one.
South Carolina -6.5 Called one of those psychic help-lines here. They say they're "for entertainment purposes only" but there's got to be something to 'em.
Missouri -11.5 Talked with my wife (borat ha ha). After a long, hard (long, hard ha ha) all-nighter (ha ha) we made a decision AS A TEAM. That's what marriage is. It's a team effort!
TAMU +1 Emailed Ivan Maisel (really smart football guy, been "around the block" when it comes to the SEC). Didn't respond. Prayed again.
Tennessee +5.5 Went to the most bountiful font of knowledge there is: The G-Meister. That's right folks. He thought they were playing Georgia in Atlanta (where UGA is) at "The Atlanta Dome" on NBC at 9:30because "they always play morning games in the SEC" but he did say "Tennessee" at one point during a rambling digression about Benghazi (which he called "Mogaduzi") so we're going Vols, baby!
(Thrift shop voice) Picks picks, picks, picks, picks picks, picks, picks
Old Mist (-3.5) It's important to remember that Arkansas sucks
Georgia (-14) I expect about 33-14
Vanderbilt (+6.5) I was surprised when I looked to compare their records/schedules how little overlap there is in games between these two titans of the gridiron.
Missouri (-11.5) I expect some slicing and dicing.
Mississippi St (-1) I'd give Missississsiiiippi State 6 before I'd even start to think about considering this one any other way.
Tennessee (+5.5) I don't know if Tennessee will win, but I think it will be closer.
Georgia (-14) I expect about 33-14
Vanderbilt (+6.5) I was surprised when I looked to compare their records/schedules how little overlap there is in games between these two titans of the gridiron.
Missouri (-11.5) I expect some slicing and dicing.
Mississippi St (-1) I'd give Missississsiiiippi State 6 before I'd even start to think about considering this one any other way.
Tennessee (+5.5) I don't know if Tennessee will win, but I think it will be closer.
Tuesday, October 24, 2017
Week Nine, dang season's almost over
You Know (The Format)
Respected Man: 4-1 (27-30-2)
Cautionary Tale: 1-4 (27-30-2)
That's so close.
Arkansas @ Old Mist (-3.5)
Georgia (-14) vs Florida
Vanderbilt @ South Carolina (-6.5)
Missouri (-11.5) @ UConn
Mississippi St (-1) @ TAMU
Tennessee @ Kentucky (-5.5)
Meanwhile, the (I guess) three best teams in the West (right now) are "takin er easy."
Respected Man: 4-1 (27-30-2)
Cautionary Tale: 1-4 (27-30-2)
That's so close.
Arkansas @ Old Mist (-3.5)
Georgia (-14) vs Florida
Vanderbilt @ South Carolina (-6.5)
Missouri (-11.5) @ UConn
Mississippi St (-1) @ TAMU
Tennessee @ Kentucky (-5.5)
Meanwhile, the (I guess) three best teams in the West (right now) are "takin er easy."
Thursday, October 19, 2017
ittsa meee tha capptaaain
This week's theme: its pasta baby
Missouri -14.5 spaghetti's long and thin
Tennessee +35.5 angel hair's long and thinner
Kentucky +11.5 if pasta's in your kitchen
Old Mist +6.5 then cook some up for dinner
Arkansas +15.5 thank you
This is definitely the weekend this thing gets sat upon its head.
Missouri -14.5 spaghetti's long and thin
Tennessee +35.5 angel hair's long and thinner
Kentucky +11.5 if pasta's in your kitchen
Old Mist +6.5 then cook some up for dinner
Arkansas +15.5 thank you
This is definitely the weekend this thing gets sat upon its head.
picks
According to most, basketball players invented the high five. That's fitting, because these five games are high on my list of things to watch this weekend.
Idaho (+14.5) I don't know a lot about Idaho.
Alabama (-35.5) Ah, ah, duh!
Mississippi State (-11.5) This is a really tough pick. I don't think Kentucky is as good as their record. Predicting a 13 point win.
LSU (-6.5) LSU is a team on the rise, Ole Miss is a team on the decline.
Auburn (-15.5) So, Malzahn's thing is that he can smash less talented teams, but he can't beat teams of roughly equal talent, right?
Idaho (+14.5) I don't know a lot about Idaho.
Alabama (-35.5) Ah, ah, duh!
Mississippi State (-11.5) This is a really tough pick. I don't think Kentucky is as good as their record. Predicting a 13 point win.
LSU (-6.5) LSU is a team on the rise, Ole Miss is a team on the decline.
Auburn (-15.5) So, Malzahn's thing is that he can smash less talented teams, but he can't beat teams of roughly equal talent, right?
Wednesday, October 18, 2017
Week Ate
SIRENS SIRENS SOMEBODY AT .500 ALERT PLEASE REMAIN CALM
The proud American West: 4-3 (26-26-2)
The fickle unpatriot CharleSSR: 4-3 (23-29-2)
Like a third of the conference is off this week.
Idaho at Missouri (-14.5)
Tennessee at Alabama (-35.5)
Kentuckums at Mississippi State (-11.5)
LSU (-6.5) at Old Mist
Auburn (-15.5) at Arkansas
Awfully off: Florida, Georgia, South Carolina, TAMU, Vanderbilt
The proud American West: 4-3 (26-26-2)
The fickle unpatriot CharleSSR: 4-3 (23-29-2)
Like a third of the conference is off this week.
Idaho at Missouri (-14.5)
Tennessee at Alabama (-35.5)
Kentuckums at Mississippi State (-11.5)
LSU (-6.5) at Old Mist
Auburn (-15.5) at Arkansas
Awfully off: Florida, Georgia, South Carolina, TAMU, Vanderbilt
Wednesday, October 11, 2017
the seven weeks -- week urchin, weak anemone, week bass, and so on
Doing these in a hurry without much thought, so this will almost certainly be my best week.
Mississippi State (-23.5) BYU is bad
Tennessee (-3) two bad teams
Auburn (-7) STILL ON THE HYPE TRAIN
Old Mist (-3.5) Khaki bowl
TAMU (+3) curious line to my eye; what has Florida done to be a favorite? Texas A&M looked a lot better so far, to me. I thought the most about this so it will be wrong.
Alabama (-28) wooo pig sooey
Georgia (-30) whatever
Mississippi State (-23.5) BYU is bad
Tennessee (-3) two bad teams
Auburn (-7) STILL ON THE HYPE TRAIN
Old Mist (-3.5) Khaki bowl
TAMU (+3) curious line to my eye; what has Florida done to be a favorite? Texas A&M looked a lot better so far, to me. I thought the most about this so it will be wrong.
Alabama (-28) wooo pig sooey
Georgia (-30) whatever
*In a monotone speaking voice, devoid of any inflection or nuance* These are my picks for week seven.
This week's theme is the 7 Wonders of the Ancient World.
Mississippi State -23.5 Great Pyramid of Giza: used to store grain.
Tennessee -3 The Hanging Gardens of Babylon: probably not even real. lame.
LSU +7 Temple of Artemis at Ephesus: nobody cares about this. not there anymore.
Vanderbilt +3.5 Statue of Zeus at Olympia: congratulations on building a statue, idiots.
Florida -3 Mausoleum at Halicarnassus: see Temple of Artemis
Alabama -28 Colossus of Rhodes: I heard it wasn't that big.
Missouri +30 Lighthouse of Alexandria: holy shit a lighthouse! truly wondrous. NOT.
Mississippi State -23.5 Great Pyramid of Giza: used to store grain.
Tennessee -3 The Hanging Gardens of Babylon: probably not even real. lame.
LSU +7 Temple of Artemis at Ephesus: nobody cares about this. not there anymore.
Vanderbilt +3.5 Statue of Zeus at Olympia: congratulations on building a statue, idiots.
Florida -3 Mausoleum at Halicarnassus: see Temple of Artemis
Alabama -28 Colossus of Rhodes: I heard it wasn't that big.
Missouri +30 Lighthouse of Alexandria: holy shit a lighthouse! truly wondrous. NOT.
Lucky Seven
First and foremost, something i would never forget to do:
Last Week (oeuverawl)
Weasley: 3-2-1 (22-23-2)
Cheesley: 3-2-1 (19-26-2)
It's cool that these are all either very close or very not close.
BYU @ Mississippi State (-23.5)
South Carolina @ Tennessee (-3)
Auburn (-7) @ LSU
Vanderbilt @ Old Mist (-3.5)
TAMU @ Florida (-3)
Arkansas @ Alabama (-28)
Missouri @ Georgia (-30)
Elsewhere doing more important things like catching up on studies, starting a new hobby, and diligently self-caring: The University of Kentucky Wildcats
Last Week (oeuverawl)
Weasley: 3-2-1 (22-23-2)
Cheesley: 3-2-1 (19-26-2)
It's cool that these are all either very close or very not close.
BYU @ Mississippi State (-23.5)
South Carolina @ Tennessee (-3)
Auburn (-7) @ LSU
Vanderbilt @ Old Mist (-3.5)
TAMU @ Florida (-3)
Arkansas @ Alabama (-28)
Missouri @ Georgia (-30)
Elsewhere doing more important things like catching up on studies, starting a new hobby, and diligently self-caring: The University of Kentucky Wildcats
Thursday, October 05, 2017
[musically] week six/ I'm not good at picks
Auburn (-21) I'm ready to get on the hype train
Georgia (-17.5) Georgia isn't as good as Alabama, but they're a lot better than Waaanderbilt, right?
Florida (-3) This game will be stupid to watch until the last five minutes. I think LSU loses the game more than Florida wins it. Also Florida winning the East and then losing to Alabama by six touchdowns is now the plan.
Arkansas (-1.5) I don't think either one of these teams is especially good.
TAMU (+26) (to the tune of "Won't Get Fooled Again") I'll be wrong again
Missouri (+10) Missouri is bad, but Kentucky is not exactly the 1985 Bears.
Georgia (-17.5) Georgia isn't as good as Alabama, but they're a lot better than Waaanderbilt, right?
Florida (-3) This game will be stupid to watch until the last five minutes. I think LSU loses the game more than Florida wins it. Also Florida winning the East and then losing to Alabama by six touchdowns is now the plan.
Arkansas (-1.5) I don't think either one of these teams is especially good.
TAMU (+26) (to the tune of "Won't Get Fooled Again") I'll be wrong again
Missouri (+10) Missouri is bad, but Kentucky is not exactly the 1985 Bears.
*to the tune of Dead and Bloated by Stone Temple Pilots* These ARRRREEE Wes's Week Six Pix That Somebody Told Me Will Be Wrong and Stuuupiiid
do do do do *snap* *snap*
Old Mist +21 Gomez Addams was the father. Rich for some reason. Hispanic. Horny. Swordsman.
Georgia -17.5 Morticia Addams was the mother. Tall. Pale. Largely unemotive. Spoke French in order to make Gomez even hornier than usual.
Florida -3 Wednesday Addams was the daughter. Pigtailed and murderous.
South Carolina +1.5 Pugsley Addams was the son. Generally happy-go-lucky. Not bright. Constantly being murdered by his sister.
TAMU +26 Uncle Fester was the uncle. Rotund. Very strong. Hairless. Good with the kids.
Kentucky -10 The rest. There was a grandmother type who had a cauldron, a severed yet sentient hand, squeaky hair-man, and a Frankenstein butler.
Old Mist +21 Gomez Addams was the father. Rich for some reason. Hispanic. Horny. Swordsman.
Georgia -17.5 Morticia Addams was the mother. Tall. Pale. Largely unemotive. Spoke French in order to make Gomez even hornier than usual.
Florida -3 Wednesday Addams was the daughter. Pigtailed and murderous.
South Carolina +1.5 Pugsley Addams was the son. Generally happy-go-lucky. Not bright. Constantly being murdered by his sister.
TAMU +26 Uncle Fester was the uncle. Rotund. Very strong. Hairless. Good with the kids.
Kentucky -10 The rest. There was a grandmother type who had a cauldron, a severed yet sentient hand, squeaky hair-man, and a Frankenstein butler.
Tuesday, October 03, 2017
weak sex heh heh heh
We're ... we're not good, folks.
el dubs (oh aye):
everybody's friend wes: a muscular 3-5 (19-21-1)
everybody's foe charles: dee-litefully 2-6 (16-24-1)
Old Mist at Auburn (-21)
Georgia (-17.5) at Vanderbuiltfordtough
LSU at Florida (-3)
Arkansas (-1.5) at South Carolina
Alabama (-26) at TAMU
Missouri at Kentucky (-10)
Off apparently: Missississippi State, Tennessee (tennessee)
el dubs (oh aye):
everybody's friend wes: a muscular 3-5 (19-21-1)
everybody's foe charles: dee-litefully 2-6 (16-24-1)
Old Mist at Auburn (-21)
Georgia (-17.5) at Vanderbuiltfordtough
LSU at Florida (-3)
Arkansas (-1.5) at South Carolina
Alabama (-26) at TAMU
Missouri at Kentucky (-10)
Off apparently: Missississippi State, Tennessee (tennessee)
Thursday, September 28, 2017
It's been/ week five that I make my picks/ make em wrong so I say I'm sorry
Vanderbluth (+10) I see a low-scoring 13-10 kind of game here. I am warming to the idea of, say, a three-loss Florida team going to the SEC title game so they can get smothered to death by Alabama and lose the Citrus Bowl to Penn State. Couldn't be happier.
New Mexico State (+16.5) I like the Aggies to cover here. Arkansas is emotionally shattered.
Georgia (-7.5) I think Georgia will be clearly better, but I also think is primed to be also a low-scoring game.
Regular Kentucky (-14.5) More like Can-tucky (?)
Mississippi State (+9.5) To me, that's preposterous. Auburn covering, things of that nature.
Troy (State) (+19.5) This line looks high to me.
TAMU (-10) I've given up on them Cocks, and I think Christian Kirk is really good at football. Prove me wrong, Muschache.
Old Mist (+27.5) Cap, I want to ADDRESS this issue. You KNOW I am sensitive to the Tide covering. BUT!
New Mexico State (+16.5) I like the Aggies to cover here. Arkansas is emotionally shattered.
Georgia (-7.5) I think Georgia will be clearly better, but I also think is primed to be also a low-scoring game.
Regular Kentucky (-14.5) More like Can-tucky (?)
Mississippi State (+9.5) To me, that's preposterous. Auburn covering, things of that nature.
Troy (State) (+19.5) This line looks high to me.
TAMU (-10) I've given up on them Cocks, and I think Christian Kirk is really good at football. Prove me wrong, Muschache.
Old Mist (+27.5) Cap, I want to ADDRESS this issue. You KNOW I am sensitive to the Tide covering. BUT!
a captain makes his picks
please respect them, they're very important to him
Vanderbilt +10 The score of this game will be 11 - 2
Arkansas -16.5 Already forgot who they're playing.
Georgia -7.5 Kirby Smart.
Kentucky -14.5 Good coffee! You'll learn the origin story of this cup of coffee later in the post.
Mississippi State +9.5 The G-Meister just referred to the Amazon Fire Stick as the "Hot Stick" and now that's all I can focus on. Hot Stick.
Troy +19.5 UPSET ALERT!
TAMU -10 Going to go get some coffee while I think of something to write here.
Old Mist +27.5 hahaha, Why did I pick old mist? The answer is that I believe in Coach Freeze and what he's building.
Wednesday, September 27, 2017
week faaaaahve
last week (overalls):
the important man charles: a sterling 4-4 (14-18-1)
the obsolete man west: a craven 4-4 (16-16-1)
commence to pickin'!
Vanderbutt @ Florida (-10)
New Mexico State @ Arkansas (-16.5)
Georgia (-7.5) @ Tennessee
Eastern Michigan @ Regular Kentucky (-14.5)
Mississippi State @ Auboooo-urns (-9.5)
Troy (State) @ LSU (-19.5)
South Carolina @ TAMU (-10)
Old Mist @ Alabama (-27.5)
Sir Not-Appearing-In-This-Film: Missouri, possibly the worst team on earth
the important man charles: a sterling 4-4 (14-18-1)
the obsolete man west: a craven 4-4 (16-16-1)
commence to pickin'!
Vanderbutt @ Florida (-10)
New Mexico State @ Arkansas (-16.5)
Georgia (-7.5) @ Tennessee
Eastern Michigan @ Regular Kentucky (-14.5)
Mississippi State @ Auboooo-urns (-9.5)
Troy (State) @ LSU (-19.5)
South Carolina @ TAMU (-10)
Old Mist @ Alabama (-27.5)
Sir Not-Appearing-In-This-Film: Missouri, possibly the worst team on earth
Thursday, September 21, 2017
weak four traditionally features no old mist
excited to see some great blocks, tackles, throws, and catches in these games
Missouri +18 gross
UMass +28 poor, shitty, stupid tennessee
Arkansas +2.5 I would have picked them at -2.5, thanks sucker!! ha ha I'm so dumb.
South Carolina -8.5 sure
Alabama -18.5 nobody is convincing me that Vanderbilt is any good
Georgia -5.5 wrong
Syracuse +21.5 wrong
Florida -2 I actually think the score will be 2-0
pick some games before you go go
Missouri (+18) no way Auburn covers
UMass (+28) Of course, Tennessee will win, but I don't think they'll cover. 24 points would be a much tougher pick for me.
Texas A&M (-2.5) at Arkansas I do not now nor have I ever thought Bert Bulima is a particularly good coach. I think Sumlin in uneven but can be good. Plus my limited understanding is that Sumlin has the slighter hotter seat and thus more motivation to win.
South Carolina (-8.5) This is a weird game with a weird line. South Carolina having that best player get hurt challenges my conception of this game, which was limited to begin with, but I'm sticking with it.
Alabama (-18.5) it enrages me that this game exists.
Mississippi St (+5.5) I like the underdog straight up. Dan Mullen the best non-Saban coach in the conference? That's probably my pick. More like Kirby Dumb!
Syracuse (+21.5) [pushing up glasses] "Actually, Syracuse was the Orangemen until 2004, when" [gets hit by a bus]
Florida (-2) Impossible for me to muster any interest in this game.
UMass (+28) Of course, Tennessee will win, but I don't think they'll cover. 24 points would be a much tougher pick for me.
Texas A&M (-2.5) at Arkansas I do not now nor have I ever thought Bert Bulima is a particularly good coach. I think Sumlin in uneven but can be good. Plus my limited understanding is that Sumlin has the slighter hotter seat and thus more motivation to win.
South Carolina (-8.5) This is a weird game with a weird line. South Carolina having that best player get hurt challenges my conception of this game, which was limited to begin with, but I'm sticking with it.
Alabama (-18.5) it enrages me that this game exists.
Mississippi St (+5.5) I like the underdog straight up. Dan Mullen the best non-Saban coach in the conference? That's probably my pick. More like Kirby Dumb!
Syracuse (+21.5) [pushing up glasses] "Actually, Syracuse was the Orangemen until 2004, when" [gets hit by a bus]
Florida (-2) Impossible for me to muster any interest in this game.
Wednesday, September 20, 2017
better week four than never
The wonderful west: 3-4-1 (12-12-1 overall, sick symmetry)
The chunderful charles: 2-5-1 (10-14-1 overall, lol)
Auburn (-18) at Missouri
UMass at Tennessee (-28)
Texas A&M (-2.5) at Arkansas
La Tech at South Carolina (-8.5)
Alabama (-18.5) at Vanderbilt
Mississippi St at Georgia (-5.5)
Syracuse at LSU (-21.5)
Florida (-2) at Kentuckums
The chunderful charles: 2-5-1 (10-14-1 overall, lol)
Auburn (-18) at Missouri
UMass at Tennessee (-28)
Texas A&M (-2.5) at Arkansas
La Tech at South Carolina (-8.5)
Alabama (-18.5) at Vanderbilt
Mississippi St at Georgia (-5.5)
Syracuse at LSU (-21.5)
Florida (-2) at Kentuckums
Thursday, September 14, 2017
it's my picks .... now or never .... I just want to pick forever
TAMU (-24) TAMU is going to be mad about being such stupid moron idiots. Or, they'll fall apart? But I think they'll be mad. Them Cajuns is not very Ragin'.
Tennessee (+4.5) I was kind of surprised that Florida was such a big favorite, given their general offensive incompetence. Plus, Florida has to be all kinds of discombobulated with the hurrrrrrrrricane.
Purdue (+7) To cover but lose or maybe even straight up. I am not sure why Missourah is this big a favorite. Purdah had a close game to Louisville, who is good, and Missourah has looked like trash so far.
Alabama (-28.5) I totally forgot Bobo was Colorado State's coach.
Mississississippi State (+7) I think they cover but lose. I am not very confident about this pick.
Kansas State (-4) Yeah Waaaandy has a good defense, but that's because they've played two bad teams. We thought Auburn would have a good offense after the GA Southern game, but that was stupid. I don't know very much about Kansas State this year.
South Carolina (-6.5) A touchdown sounds about right, a 24-17 kind of game.
Old Mist (-3.5) I am also not very confident about this pick, although I am excited about this game. It's really late for Ole Miss, and they're cross country etc, plus the whole going to get hammered by the NCAA. But they're also way more talented than Cal. I am guessing the Alt Might passing game is the difference. If we were doing bets on over/unders, I would take the over here.
Tennessee (+4.5) I was kind of surprised that Florida was such a big favorite, given their general offensive incompetence. Plus, Florida has to be all kinds of discombobulated with the hurrrrrrrrricane.
Purdue (+7) To cover but lose or maybe even straight up. I am not sure why Missourah is this big a favorite. Purdah had a close game to Louisville, who is good, and Missourah has looked like trash so far.
Alabama (-28.5) I totally forgot Bobo was Colorado State's coach.
Mississississippi State (+7) I think they cover but lose. I am not very confident about this pick.
Kansas State (-4) Yeah Waaaandy has a good defense, but that's because they've played two bad teams. We thought Auburn would have a good offense after the GA Southern game, but that was stupid. I don't know very much about Kansas State this year.
South Carolina (-6.5) A touchdown sounds about right, a 24-17 kind of game.
Old Mist (-3.5) I am also not very confident about this pick, although I am excited about this game. It's really late for Ole Miss, and they're cross country etc, plus the whole going to get hammered by the NCAA. But they're also way more talented than Cal. I am guessing the Alt Might passing game is the difference. If we were doing bets on over/unders, I would take the over here.
here come tha captainz week three picks
they say confidence is everything.
TAMU -24 easy pick. extremely confident. no way this is wrong.
Tennessee +4.5 really buying in on tennessee. this is a lock.
Purdue +7 missouri is a must-sell. 100% certain.
Alabama -28.5 the tide is going to "roll." take this one to the bank, boys.
LSU -7 are you kidding me? like taking candy from a baby.
Vanderbilt +4 vanderbilt might win the big 12. would at least be in the championship game. no doubt in my mind here.
South Carolina -6.5 this is basic as hell. there is only one answer.
Cal +3.5 perhaps the surest possible thing. bet the house, wife, and kids.
TAMU -24 easy pick. extremely confident. no way this is wrong.
Tennessee +4.5 really buying in on tennessee. this is a lock.
Purdue +7 missouri is a must-sell. 100% certain.
Alabama -28.5 the tide is going to "roll." take this one to the bank, boys.
LSU -7 are you kidding me? like taking candy from a baby.
Vanderbilt +4 vanderbilt might win the big 12. would at least be in the championship game. no doubt in my mind here.
South Carolina -6.5 this is basic as hell. there is only one answer.
Cal +3.5 perhaps the surest possible thing. bet the house, wife, and kids.
Wednesday, September 13, 2017
Week Three: this is the weekend it starts to get really good. just kidding.
Last week (Overall):
The big boy charles: 2 - 4 (8 - 9)
The big boy west: 4 - 2 (9 - 8)
It's neck and neck. Is this the weekend one of us gets a big old goose egg? Also is it the weekend one of us picks zero games correctly? I don't know the answer to either question but the second one is probably "no, that's very unlikely" and the first one is probably "i think charles is going to be pleasantly surprised with his goose egg."
Louisiana-Lafayette @ TAMU (-24)
Tennessee @ Florida (-4.5)
Purdue @ Mizzouri (-7)
Colorado State @ Alabama (-28.5)
LSU (-7) @ Missississippi State
Kansas State (-4) @ Vanderbilt
Kentucky @ South Carolina (-6.5)
Old Mist (-3.5) @ Cal
Dead to us this week:
Auburn (Mercer), Georgia (Samford (the real one)), Arkansas (themselves at practice I guess)
The big boy charles: 2 - 4 (8 - 9)
The big boy west: 4 - 2 (9 - 8)
It's neck and neck. Is this the weekend one of us gets a big old goose egg? Also is it the weekend one of us picks zero games correctly? I don't know the answer to either question but the second one is probably "no, that's very unlikely" and the first one is probably "i think charles is going to be pleasantly surprised with his goose egg."
Louisiana-Lafayette @ TAMU (-24)
Tennessee @ Florida (-4.5)
Purdue @ Mizzouri (-7)
Colorado State @ Alabama (-28.5)
LSU (-7) @ Missississippi State
Kansas State (-4) @ Vanderbilt
Kentucky @ South Carolina (-6.5)
Old Mist (-3.5) @ Cal
Dead to us this week:
Auburn (Mercer), Georgia (Samford (the real one)), Arkansas (themselves at practice I guess)
Thursday, September 07, 2017
the captain week two picks
"I think your gonna like em"
Clemson -5 I forgot which of the white post-RG3 baylor quarterbacks jarrett stidham was. now i'm disappointed. not an overwhelming disappointment, i mean its something i'll work through but shit man. hurts right now.
Alabama -43.5 its fun and fashionable to throw around things like "thats a lotta points homer" and "nick saban doesn't obliterate lesser oponents, he slowly smothers them" *stephen a. smith voice* BUT! *end stephen a. smith voice i guess* last year alabama covered a 43.5 point line against kent state. *twist stephen a. smith voice* BUT!
TCU -3 if you like the gridiron, you'll love football.
South Carolina +2.5 i have already forgotten whether south carolina won last week. i remembered now.
La Tech +8 mississippi state plays a lot of weird away games. also, la tech is the feminine form, the mens teams should be le tech. i'm just kidding.
Georgia +4 "catholics vs convicts!" "hey... they're all convicts" *in a hushed, subversive tone with a cheshire grin creeping across my awful face* "they're all catholics..."
Clemson -5 I forgot which of the white post-RG3 baylor quarterbacks jarrett stidham was. now i'm disappointed. not an overwhelming disappointment, i mean its something i'll work through but shit man. hurts right now.
Alabama -43.5 its fun and fashionable to throw around things like "thats a lotta points homer" and "nick saban doesn't obliterate lesser oponents, he slowly smothers them" *stephen a. smith voice* BUT! *end stephen a. smith voice i guess* last year alabama covered a 43.5 point line against kent state. *twist stephen a. smith voice* BUT!
TCU -3 if you like the gridiron, you'll love football.
South Carolina +2.5 i have already forgotten whether south carolina won last week. i remembered now.
La Tech +8 mississippi state plays a lot of weird away games. also, la tech is the feminine form, the mens teams should be le tech. i'm just kidding.
Georgia +4 "catholics vs convicts!" "hey... they're all convicts" *in a hushed, subversive tone with a cheshire grin creeping across my awful face* "they're all catholics..."
already out of clever titles
My picks
Auburn (+5) Check this out: Auburn will lose but cover.
Alabama (-43.5) I guess?
TCU (-3) at Arkansas So we basically don't know anything about these teams. I actually looked it up, and last year was that weird game where TCU outplayed Arkansas but still lost. So, I think that happens again, except TCU outplays Arkansas and wins.
Missouri (-2.5) I picked against the COCKS last week and was stupid. But, NC State probably should have won, so maybe I was smart but still just wrong. I feel like this will be relatively high scoring, which maybe favors Missouri? This would be my least-confident pick, probably.
Mississippi State (-8) Why is this game in Ruston Lerisianer?
Notre Dame (-4) Somebody said Fromm has moxie, and it's hard to pick against moxie. But I'm a big believer that Notre Dame is a lot better than they were last year. It looks like the line moved? I thought it opened higher than this. I am not confident about this pick, either. I guess my decision comes down to the fact that I don't much like Georgia.
Auburn (+5) Check this out: Auburn will lose but cover.
Alabama (-43.5) I guess?
TCU (-3) at Arkansas So we basically don't know anything about these teams. I actually looked it up, and last year was that weird game where TCU outplayed Arkansas but still lost. So, I think that happens again, except TCU outplays Arkansas and wins.
Missouri (-2.5) I picked against the COCKS last week and was stupid. But, NC State probably should have won, so maybe I was smart but still just wrong. I feel like this will be relatively high scoring, which maybe favors Missouri? This would be my least-confident pick, probably.
Mississippi State (-8) Why is this game in Ruston Lerisianer?
Notre Dame (-4) Somebody said Fromm has moxie, and it's hard to pick against moxie. But I'm a big believer that Notre Dame is a lot better than they were last year. It looks like the line moved? I thought it opened higher than this. I am not confident about this pick, either. I guess my decision comes down to the fact that I don't much like Georgia.
Wednesday, September 06, 2017
Weak Two
LAST WEEK:
Tha Handsome Captain: 5-6
Yer friend Charlie: 6-5
We are off to a staggering, earth-scorching start. Pix at six on Thursday. This is a fairly light lineup.
Auburn at Clemson (-5)
Fresno State at Alabama (-43.5)
TCU (-3) at Arkansas
South Carolina at Missouri (-2.5)
Mississippi State (-8) at La Tech
Georgia at Notre Dame (-4)
---
Not on the menu, boys:
Northern Colorado at Florida
Eastern Kentucky at Regular Kentucky
Tenn-Martin at Ole-Miss
Indiana State at Tennessee
Alabama A&M at Vanderbilt A&M
Nicholls A&M at Texas A&M
Chattanooga at LSooga
Tha Handsome Captain: 5-6
Yer friend Charlie: 6-5
We are off to a staggering, earth-scorching start. Pix at six on Thursday. This is a fairly light lineup.
Auburn at Clemson (-5)
Fresno State at Alabama (-43.5)
TCU (-3) at Arkansas
South Carolina at Missouri (-2.5)
Mississippi State (-8) at La Tech
Georgia at Notre Dame (-4)
---
Not on the menu, boys:
Northern Colorado at Florida
Eastern Kentucky at Regular Kentucky
Tenn-Martin at Ole-Miss
Indiana State at Tennessee
Alabama A&M at Vanderbilt A&M
Nicholls A&M at Texas A&M
Chattanooga at LSooga
Thursday, August 31, 2017
THE BOYS ARE BACK IN TOWN
My picks! genuinely excited, not confident.
NC State (-5) I guess
Michigan (-3.5) lol hardballs. FOR THE RECORD: I expect Michigan to win by exactly four points.
Kentuckums (-10)
Jeorgia (-14.5) this is the new way we spell it for UGA
Georgia Southern (+34.5) There's no way Auburn covers a five touchdown spread, right?
South Alabama (+24) without their escort services, Auld Must is powerless, like Samson without his hair.
Alabama (-7) villains. Easiest pick of the week.
Vanderbilt (-3) Why is this an away game for the Commies?
BYU (+16.5) The Big Easy™. I had lswho? to cover, but there's a storm comin'.
UCLA (-3.5) A tough pick.
Tennessee (-3) I guess. Another tough pick.
NC State (-5) I guess
Michigan (-3.5) lol hardballs. FOR THE RECORD: I expect Michigan to win by exactly four points.
Kentuckums (-10)
Jeorgia (-14.5) this is the new way we spell it for UGA
Georgia Southern (+34.5) There's no way Auburn covers a five touchdown spread, right?
South Alabama (+24) without their escort services, Auld Must is powerless, like Samson without his hair.
Alabama (-7) villains. Easiest pick of the week.
Vanderbilt (-3) Why is this an away game for the Commies?
BYU (+16.5) The Big Easy™. I had lswho? to cover, but there's a storm comin'.
UCLA (-3.5) A tough pick.
Tennessee (-3) I guess. Another tough pick.
kenneth bone
I'm going to win this year. NOT.
NC State -5 people think nc state is going to be good maybe? did I make that up? who the hell am I to maybe disagree with them? I am not researching this at all.
Michigan -3.5 I guess
Southern Mist +10 call me old fashioned but I consider usm a mid-major powerhouse and also one of Alabama's principal rivals
Appalachian State +14.5 but Georgia wins in some stupid way
Georgia Southern +34.5 bart simpson voice: aye carumba! thatsa lotta points, homer
South Alabama +24 this is difficult. on the one hand I don't care and on the other hand it doesn't matter
Alabama -7 I bought a tv antenna so I can watch part of this game because I hate myself
Middle Tennessee State +3 exciting
BYU +16.5 bart simpson voice: homer, I'm concerned about how many points lsu is giving here
UCLA -3.5 tamu? ucla? what is this alphabet soup.
Tennessee -3 time to build up a head of hype before the Alabama game, tennessee
NC State -5 people think nc state is going to be good maybe? did I make that up? who the hell am I to maybe disagree with them? I am not researching this at all.
Michigan -3.5 I guess
Southern Mist +10 call me old fashioned but I consider usm a mid-major powerhouse and also one of Alabama's principal rivals
Appalachian State +14.5 but Georgia wins in some stupid way
Georgia Southern +34.5 bart simpson voice: aye carumba! thatsa lotta points, homer
South Alabama +24 this is difficult. on the one hand I don't care and on the other hand it doesn't matter
Alabama -7 I bought a tv antenna so I can watch part of this game because I hate myself
Middle Tennessee State +3 exciting
BYU +16.5 bart simpson voice: homer, I'm concerned about how many points lsu is giving here
UCLA -3.5 tamu? ucla? what is this alphabet soup.
Tennessee -3 time to build up a head of hype before the Alabama game, tennessee
Wednesday, August 30, 2017
Remember how I won both parts of the bowl pick them?
Picks are ATS and due by Thursday at 6. Even though none of the applicable games are until Saturday unless they're not because of Harvey. And buddy... all bets are off.
NC State (-5) v South Carolina [@ Charlotte]
Michigan (-3.5) v Florida [@ Arlington, TX]
Kentuckee (-10) @ Southern Mist
Appalachian State @ Georgia (-14.5)
Georgia Southern @ Auburn (-34.5)
South Alabama @ Old Mist (-24)
Florida State v Alabama (-7) [@ Atlanta have you heard about this new stadium]
Vanderbilt (-3) @ Middle Tennessee State
BYU v LSU (-16.5) [@ New Orleans, I guess?]
TAMU @ UCLA (-3.5)
Tennessee (-3) v Georgia Tech [@ Atlanta I know ga tech is in Atlanta but this is at the new butthole shaped stadium]
Sittin' this one out: Arkansas (FAMU), Missouri (Missouri State), Mississippi State (Charleston Southern)
Instead of Birmingham southern, you should have gone to Charleston southern.
NC State (-5) v South Carolina [@ Charlotte]
Michigan (-3.5) v Florida [@ Arlington, TX]
Kentuckee (-10) @ Southern Mist
Appalachian State @ Georgia (-14.5)
Georgia Southern @ Auburn (-34.5)
South Alabama @ Old Mist (-24)
Florida State v Alabama (-7) [@ Atlanta have you heard about this new stadium]
Vanderbilt (-3) @ Middle Tennessee State
BYU v LSU (-16.5) [@ New Orleans, I guess?]
TAMU @ UCLA (-3.5)
Tennessee (-3) v Georgia Tech [@ Atlanta I know ga tech is in Atlanta but this is at the new butthole shaped stadium]
Sittin' this one out: Arkansas (FAMU), Missouri (Missouri State), Mississippi State (Charleston Southern)
Instead of Birmingham southern, you should have gone to Charleston southern.
Tuesday, August 08, 2017
Sunday, June 04, 2017
small fish meet big pond: brighton, huddersfield
brighton & hove albion
huddersfield town (aka the terriers, adorable)
that's it i'm done
huddersfield town (aka the terriers, adorable)
that's it i'm done
Tuesday, May 23, 2017
Small fish, meet big pond: Newcastle
New castle? Are they still building those??? I'm kidding.
Location: up north, a rarity these days
Nickname: the butt holes. I'm kidding.
Stately, Non-Commercial Stadium Name: Newcastle stadium. (kidding)
Crest: seahorses are a delicacy in Newcastle. im kidding
What they'll bring to the table (metaphorically!): I don't know
What they'll bring to the table (literally!): don't know
Location: up north, a rarity these days
Nickname: the butt holes. I'm kidding.
Stately, Non-Commercial Stadium Name: Newcastle stadium. (kidding)
Crest: seahorses are a delicacy in Newcastle. im kidding
What they'll bring to the table (metaphorically!): I don't know
What they'll bring to the table (literally!): don't know
Thursday, April 27, 2017
Thursday, January 05, 2017
end
Congrats to the noble captain, who deserved this.
Bowl scoreboard image ranking:
trumpet time
walking stick ridge
hay monster sunset
skull n bugs
water head
vest-wearing fella
forest lane
Bowl scoreboard image ranking:
trumpet time
walking stick ridge
hay monster sunset
skull n bugs
water head
vest-wearing fella
forest lane
Tuesday, January 03, 2017
Sunday, January 01, 2017
special "almost there" edition
the largest margin by which i can win confidence is 86 points. the closest it can end up is a 12 point victory for me. the largest margin in a scenario where you win the remaining crises and we split is 27 points.
Saturday, December 31, 2016
special "better late than never" edition
For you to win the W/L portion of the pick them, each of the following teams must win:
Georgia Tech
Florida
Auburn
For you to win the confidence portion as well, each of the following teams must win:
Louisville
Georgia Tech
Florida
Wisconsin
Auburn
AND at least 1 of the following teams must win:
Clemson
USC
Got it. Here's the 'board going into the new years eve games.
Georgia Tech
Florida
Auburn
For you to win the confidence portion as well, each of the following teams must win:
Louisville
Georgia Tech
Florida
Wisconsin
Auburn
AND at least 1 of the following teams must win:
Clemson
USC
Got it. Here's the 'board going into the new years eve games.
Friday, December 30, 2016
special "this boat is not big enough, we need a bigger one (bc of the shark)" edition
i have all 256 possible permutations for the next two days so no more projected scores after this, just raw data
Thursday, December 29, 2016
Wednesday, December 28, 2016
Tuesday, December 27, 2016
special "maybe the 'alt-right' is right" edition
big day... but they're all big if you think about it.
Sunday, December 25, 2016
Saturday, December 24, 2016
Thursday, December 22, 2016
special "good night" edition
I hope everyone had a good day.
we both lost bigly but you lost slightly biglier
suck it up and pick it up have been reset to 50% and 75% respectively
we both lost bigly but you lost slightly biglier
suck it up and pick it up have been reset to 50% and 75% respectively
special "good morning" edition
I hope we're having a great day.
points/pointswagered, % won
keep it up, suck it up (now 60%), pick it up (now 85%), max score
still close... but "black friday" looms...
points/pointswagered, % won
keep it up, suck it up (now 60%), pick it up (now 85%), max score
still close... but "black friday" looms...
Wednesday, December 21, 2016
special surgery prep edition
points/points wagered , % won
keep it up, win 50% of remaining points, win 80% of remaining points, win 100% of remaining points (max score)
keep it up, win 50% of remaining points, win 80% of remaining points, win 100% of remaining points (max score)
Sunday, December 18, 2016
and they're off!!
score board classic
the new score board (points/pointswagered, percent, the "keep it up" score (what you'll get if you "keep it up" by which i mean keep winning confidence points at your current rate), maximum possible score)
Thursday, December 15, 2016
if this post had an astrological sign it would be crises ha ha
THIS IS SO FUCKING EXCITING. I FEEL ALIVE AGAIN. IT'S LIKE I HIBERNATE BETWEEN PICK THEMS.
Charles(conf)/Wes(conf)
Saturday, December 17th:
Las Vegas Bowl - Houston (11) / San Diego St. (16)
New Orleans Bowl - Southern Mist (27) / UL-Lafayette (14)
Friday, December 23rd:
Bahamas Bowl - Eastern Michigan (13) / Old Dominion (23)
Armed Forces Bowl - Louisiana Tech (24) / Navy (17)
Dollar General Bowl - Ohio (14) / Troy (22)
Saturday, December 24th:
Hawaii Bowl - Hawaii (12) / MTSU (9)
Tuesday, December 27th:
Heart of Dallas Bowl - Army (32) / North Texas (18)
Wednesday, December 28th:
Texas Bowl - TAMU (20) / Kansas St. (4)
Thursday, December 29th:
Alamo Bowl - Colorado (19) / Oklahoma St. (10)
Friday, December 30th:
Liberty Bowl - TCU (23) / Georgia (36)
Saturday, December 31st:
Taxslayer Bowl - Georgia Tech (6) / Kentucky (8)
Monday, January 2nd:
Outback Bowl - Florida (8) / Iowa (2)
Sugar Bowl - Auburn (10) / Oklahoma (39)
Charles(conf)/Wes(conf)
Saturday, December 17th:
Las Vegas Bowl - Houston (11) / San Diego St. (16)
New Orleans Bowl - Southern Mist (27) / UL-Lafayette (14)
Friday, December 23rd:
Bahamas Bowl - Eastern Michigan (13) / Old Dominion (23)
Armed Forces Bowl - Louisiana Tech (24) / Navy (17)
Dollar General Bowl - Ohio (14) / Troy (22)
Saturday, December 24th:
Hawaii Bowl - Hawaii (12) / MTSU (9)
Tuesday, December 27th:
Heart of Dallas Bowl - Army (32) / North Texas (18)
Wednesday, December 28th:
Texas Bowl - TAMU (20) / Kansas St. (4)
Thursday, December 29th:
Alamo Bowl - Colorado (19) / Oklahoma St. (10)
Friday, December 30th:
Liberty Bowl - TCU (23) / Georgia (36)
Saturday, December 31st:
Taxslayer Bowl - Georgia Tech (6) / Kentucky (8)
Monday, January 2nd:
Outback Bowl - Florida (8) / Iowa (2)
Sugar Bowl - Auburn (10) / Oklahoma (39)
THA CAPTAINZ 3E BOWL PICK THEM 2016 PIX - BE SILENT AND GET A LOAD OF THIS GARBAGE
WINNER LISTED FIRST, BECAUSE WINNERS ARE #1 BABY
CONFIDENCE POINTS ARE PRETTY CLEARLY INDICATED, YOU CAN FIGURE THIS OUT
INSTEAD OF THOUGHTS ABOUT THE GAMES I'M JUST GOING TO DO SOME FREE ASSOCIATION BECAUSE OBVIOUSLY I DIDN'T PUT ANY THOUGHT INTO WHAT'S GOING TO HAPPEN IN THE GAMES
NEW MEXICO BOWL
(32) New Mexico / UTSA
lobos are not coyotes so they have shot, right
LAS VEGAS BOWL
(16) San Diego St. / Houston
Can't think of San Diego without thinking of Anchorman and all the classic quotes "hello I'm don burgundy" and "welcome to the news."
CAMELLIA BOWL
(21) Appalachian St. / Toledo
that guy with the sign. i hope he comes back and we see the sign on tv. Toledo seems like an awful place to live. I hope Toledo gets ahead and appy comes back so I can call them "blow-lead-o"
CURE BOWL
(24) UCF / Arkansas St.
now ucf now you don't. ha ha.
NEW ORLEANS BOWL
(14) UL-Lafayette / Southern Mist
which sounds more refreshing, old mist or southern mist
MIAMI BEACH BOWL
(38) Tulsa / Central Michigan
tulsa the city seems terrible, all the moreso because my cousin knew this heinous girl named tulsa
BOCA RATON BOWL
(11) Western Kentucky / Memphis
quitting my job so i can watch this and also every other game
POINSETTIA BOWL
(19) BYU / Wyoming
"I love this lamp" "thank you that concludes the newscast" just too many good quotes
IDAHO POTATO BOWL
(37) Colorado St. / Idaho
that's a big number i have in front of this
BAHAMAS BOWL
(23) Old Dominion / Eastern Michigan
going to start the rumor that eric harris was an old dominion fan and dylan klebold was an eastern michigan fan and they did columbine because they thought they would never see their beloved football teams go toe to toe in their favorite tropical archipelago that we all know and love as the Bahamas
ARMED FORCES BOWL
(17) Navy / Louisiana Tech
don't know why i picked navy. i guess bc jessica's car has a retired navy license plate so a bunch of elderly sailors are always saluting us.
DOLLAR GENERAL BOWL
(22) Troy / Ohio
troy is the most dollar general team
HAWAII BOWL
(9) Middle Tennessee / Hawaii
tolkien's magical fantasy setting of middle tennessee
ST. PETERSBURG BOWL
(33) Mississippi St. / Miami (OH)
everybody loves a trip to busch gardens
QUICK LANE BOWL
(3) Boston College / Maryland
this was a better rivalry than texas/tamu or kansas/missouri. glad these old sparring partners are getting back together in the motor city.
INDEPENCENCE BOWL
(15) NC State / Vanderbilt
who's ready for some game theory or whatever
FART OF DALLAS BOWL
(18) North Texas / Army
bad pick
MILITARY BOWL
(34) Temple / Wank Forest
the best thing about the military? the troops, baby
HOLIDAY BOWL
(6) Washington St. / Minnesota
"that got out of hand in a hurry" "this scotch is fantastic" I could go on and on
CACTUS BOWL
(7) Boise St. / Baylor
chop open a cactus to drink the life saving water within *record scratch* that's actually a myth perpetrated by cartoons and also a book i had when i was a kid
PINSTRIPE BOWL
(29) Pittsburgh / Northwestern
to whom the hell did pitt lose this year? they beat the only good acc team they played. the answer is va tech, miami, unc, and oklahoma state whom i forgot they played.
RUSSELL ATHLETIC BOWL
(5) West Virginia / Miami (FL)
i labored over this pick, labored like a common laborer
FOSTER FARMS BOWL
(30) Utah / Indiana
is this in san francisco, i want to go to san francisco
TEXAS BOWL
(4) Kansas St. / Texas A+M
this is wrong
BIRMINGHAM BOWL
(35) USF / South Carolina
remember when pitt played in the bham bowl like 4 straight times under 3 or 4 different coaches. that was funny as hell. now muschamp has been there 3 straight years with 3 different teams. that's less funny than hell because auburn was involved
BELK BOWL
(28) Virginia Tech / Arkansas
time to "belk" up with the belk bowl
ALAMO BOWL
(10) Oklahoma St. / Colorado
this could be fun i guess. soapy loofa and the buffs vs a big mullet man.
LIBERTY BOWL
(36) Georgia / TCU
there was a red white and blue beanie baby bear and his name was li-bear-ty.
SUN BOWL
(31) Samford / North Carolina
not actually samford
MUSIC CITY BOWL
(1) Nebraska / Tennessee
how the hell do you pick any tennessee game
ARIZONA BOWL
(25) Air Force / South Alabama
Air Force should be called Airfy or something
ORANGE BOWL
(27) Michigan / Florida
jim hard balls vs jim macklewang
CITRUS BOWL
(26) LSU / Louisville
heisman curse
TAXSLAYER BOWL
(8) Kentucky / Georgia Tech
dumb pick
PEACH BOWL
(40) Alabama / Warshington
maybe washington will win
FIESTA BOWL
(13) A Ohio St. / Clemson
congratulations on two great seasons, dickbags
OUTBACK BOWL
(2) Iowa / Florida
everybody loves a trip to busch gardens
COTTON BOWL
(20) Wisconsin / Western Michigan
very hard to write 40 things
ROSE BOWL
(12) USC / Penn St.
pun state. ha ha
SUGAR BOWL
(39) Oklahoma / Auburn
should have been georgia
CONFIDENCE POINTS ARE PRETTY CLEARLY INDICATED, YOU CAN FIGURE THIS OUT
INSTEAD OF THOUGHTS ABOUT THE GAMES I'M JUST GOING TO DO SOME FREE ASSOCIATION BECAUSE OBVIOUSLY I DIDN'T PUT ANY THOUGHT INTO WHAT'S GOING TO HAPPEN IN THE GAMES
NEW MEXICO BOWL
(32) New Mexico / UTSA
lobos are not coyotes so they have shot, right
LAS VEGAS BOWL
(16) San Diego St. / Houston
Can't think of San Diego without thinking of Anchorman and all the classic quotes "hello I'm don burgundy" and "welcome to the news."
CAMELLIA BOWL
(21) Appalachian St. / Toledo
that guy with the sign. i hope he comes back and we see the sign on tv. Toledo seems like an awful place to live. I hope Toledo gets ahead and appy comes back so I can call them "blow-lead-o"
CURE BOWL
(24) UCF / Arkansas St.
now ucf now you don't. ha ha.
NEW ORLEANS BOWL
(14) UL-Lafayette / Southern Mist
which sounds more refreshing, old mist or southern mist
MIAMI BEACH BOWL
(38) Tulsa / Central Michigan
tulsa the city seems terrible, all the moreso because my cousin knew this heinous girl named tulsa
BOCA RATON BOWL
(11) Western Kentucky / Memphis
quitting my job so i can watch this and also every other game
POINSETTIA BOWL
(19) BYU / Wyoming
"I love this lamp" "thank you that concludes the newscast" just too many good quotes
IDAHO POTATO BOWL
(37) Colorado St. / Idaho
that's a big number i have in front of this
BAHAMAS BOWL
(23) Old Dominion / Eastern Michigan
going to start the rumor that eric harris was an old dominion fan and dylan klebold was an eastern michigan fan and they did columbine because they thought they would never see their beloved football teams go toe to toe in their favorite tropical archipelago that we all know and love as the Bahamas
ARMED FORCES BOWL
(17) Navy / Louisiana Tech
don't know why i picked navy. i guess bc jessica's car has a retired navy license plate so a bunch of elderly sailors are always saluting us.
DOLLAR GENERAL BOWL
(22) Troy / Ohio
troy is the most dollar general team
HAWAII BOWL
(9) Middle Tennessee / Hawaii
tolkien's magical fantasy setting of middle tennessee
ST. PETERSBURG BOWL
(33) Mississippi St. / Miami (OH)
everybody loves a trip to busch gardens
QUICK LANE BOWL
(3) Boston College / Maryland
this was a better rivalry than texas/tamu or kansas/missouri. glad these old sparring partners are getting back together in the motor city.
INDEPENCENCE BOWL
(15) NC State / Vanderbilt
who's ready for some game theory or whatever
FART OF DALLAS BOWL
(18) North Texas / Army
bad pick
MILITARY BOWL
(34) Temple / Wank Forest
the best thing about the military? the troops, baby
HOLIDAY BOWL
(6) Washington St. / Minnesota
"that got out of hand in a hurry" "this scotch is fantastic" I could go on and on
CACTUS BOWL
(7) Boise St. / Baylor
chop open a cactus to drink the life saving water within *record scratch* that's actually a myth perpetrated by cartoons and also a book i had when i was a kid
PINSTRIPE BOWL
(29) Pittsburgh / Northwestern
to whom the hell did pitt lose this year? they beat the only good acc team they played. the answer is va tech, miami, unc, and oklahoma state whom i forgot they played.
RUSSELL ATHLETIC BOWL
(5) West Virginia / Miami (FL)
i labored over this pick, labored like a common laborer
FOSTER FARMS BOWL
(30) Utah / Indiana
is this in san francisco, i want to go to san francisco
TEXAS BOWL
(4) Kansas St. / Texas A+M
this is wrong
BIRMINGHAM BOWL
(35) USF / South Carolina
remember when pitt played in the bham bowl like 4 straight times under 3 or 4 different coaches. that was funny as hell. now muschamp has been there 3 straight years with 3 different teams. that's less funny than hell because auburn was involved
BELK BOWL
(28) Virginia Tech / Arkansas
time to "belk" up with the belk bowl
ALAMO BOWL
(10) Oklahoma St. / Colorado
this could be fun i guess. soapy loofa and the buffs vs a big mullet man.
LIBERTY BOWL
(36) Georgia / TCU
there was a red white and blue beanie baby bear and his name was li-bear-ty.
SUN BOWL
(31) Samford / North Carolina
not actually samford
MUSIC CITY BOWL
(1) Nebraska / Tennessee
how the hell do you pick any tennessee game
ARIZONA BOWL
(25) Air Force / South Alabama
Air Force should be called Airfy or something
ORANGE BOWL
(27) Michigan / Florida
jim hard balls vs jim macklewang
CITRUS BOWL
(26) LSU / Louisville
heisman curse
TAXSLAYER BOWL
(8) Kentucky / Georgia Tech
dumb pick
PEACH BOWL
(40) Alabama / Warshington
maybe washington will win
FIESTA BOWL
(13) A Ohio St. / Clemson
congratulations on two great seasons, dickbags
OUTBACK BOWL
(2) Iowa / Florida
everybody loves a trip to busch gardens
COTTON BOWL
(20) Wisconsin / Western Michigan
very hard to write 40 things
ROSE BOWL
(12) USC / Penn St.
pun state. ha ha
SUGAR BOWL
(39) Oklahoma / Auburn
should have been georgia
(to the tune of "Con te partirò"): Time to .... picks some bowls
Gildan New Mexico Bowl
Albuquerque, N.M., Dec. 17
New Mexico (-7) vs. UTSA
Wow, there are a lot of bowls.
My pick: NEW MEXICO
Confidence ranking: 22
Las Vegas Bowl
Las Vegas, Dec. 17
Houston (-3) vs. San Diego State
Houston lost a coach! I tend to think that players try to impress a new coach, and there's not going to be a lot of transition difficulty with an internal promotion.
My pick: HOUSTON
Confidence ranking: 11
Camellia Bowl
Montgomery, Ala., Dec. 17
Appalachian State vs. Toledo (-1)
I mean, sure? I saw Appalachian State play in this bowl game last year, and it was quite a hoot.
My pick: APPY STATE
Confidence ranking: 1
Cure Bowl
Orlando, Dec. 17
UCF (-6) vs. Arkansas State
Tough to take this game seriously. I think some home field advantage will be the difference, but maybe not? A person gambling on this game would have to be a real degenerate.
My pick: UCF
Confidence ranking: 21
Southern Mississippi (-3.5) vs. UL Lafayette
I wouldn't say that I've always liked Southern Miss, but I like them more than I like several teams. You Laugh is improving, but Southern Miss returns their starting quarterback. I actually did research on this game, and that why I will get this pick wrong.
My pick: SOU MISS
Confidence ranking: 27
Miami Beach Bowl
Miami, Dec. 19
Central Michigan vs. Tulsa (-11.5)
I saw Central Michigan on replay several times during the botched ending of their win over Oklahoma State. Frankly, what I watched didn't impress me. Did you know that Tulsa has the #6 offense? I didn't!
My pick: TULSA
Confidence ranking: 36
Boca Raton Bowl
Boca Raton, Fla., Dec. 20
Memphis vs. Western Kentucky (-5)
Western Kentucky lost their coach, and I think that I have asserted before my theory that players want to impress a potential new coach. I still don't feel terribly confident about this game, but I do guarantee one thing: it will be a WacKY game!
My pick: WESTERN KENTUCKY
Confidence ranking: 28
BYU (-8.5) vs. Wyoming
Normally, when the starting quarterback gets hurt at the end of the season, you pick against that team, but BYU had this happen last year and had good results. BYU has Big Mo(mentum) on their side.
My pick: BYU
Confidence ranking: 34
Potato Bowl
Boise, Idaho, Dec. 22
Idaho vs. Colorado State (-13.5)
POE TAY TOE
My pick: Colorado State
Confidence ranking: 39
Bahamas Bowl
Nassau, Bahamas, Dec. 23
Eastern Michigan vs. Old Dominion (-3.5)
Bahamas mon! Old Dominion is 9-3, but against a schedule that would embarrass your fair Captain on Dynasty Mode.
My pick: EASTERN MICHIGAN
Confidence ranking: 13
Armed Forces Bowl
Fort Worth, Texas, Dec. 23
Louisiana Tech vs. Navy (n/a)
Two teams riding losing streaks meet up in a game featuring institutions which helped win WWII. Scientists at NASA have confirmed that Tim Rattay is still coaching at La Tech.
My pick: LA TECH
Confidence ranking: 24
Dollar General Bowl
Mobile, Ala., Dec. 23
Ohio vs. Troy (-4)
Dolla dolla genrul y'all! That's the slogan I pitched Dollar General; it did not go well. Troy didn't beat Georgia Southern, which is all I want to see Walt sad.
My pick: OHIO
Confidence ranking: 14
Hawai'i Bowl
Honolulu, Dec. 24
Hawaii vs. Middle Tennessee (n/a)
Home field (or should I say ho field) advantage carries the day. Flying to Hawaii to play around in the water is distracting for a kid living in Murphfreezeborough Tennessee.
My pick: HAWAII
Confidence ranking: 12
St. Petersburg Bowl
St. Petersburg, Fla., Dec. 26
Miami (Ohio) vs. Mississippi State (-13)
Thirteen points seems like a big margin, but the outcome seems assured. Ned Starkville seems like a thing, right?
My pick: MISSISSISSISSISSIPPI STATE
Confidence ranking: 25
Quick Lane Bowl
Detroit, Dec. 26
Maryland (-1.5) vs. Boston College
Former ACC foes match up once again! BC has been smashed by every decent team they played, but fortunately they're playing Maryland. Did you know Maryland's coach is actually named D J Durkin? I cannot stand it.
My pick: BC
Confidence ranking: 2
Camping World Independence Bowl
Shreveport, La., Dec. 26
NC State (-4) vs. Vanderbilt
Dave Durrrrren
My pick: NC STATE
Confidence ranking: 35
Zaxby's Heart of Dallas Bowl
Dallas, Dec. 27
Army vs. North Texas (n/a)
Don't mess with North Texas! That's what I'd say if North Texas hadn't lose seven games this year.
My pick: AMERICA'S ARMY
Confidence ranking: 32
Military Bowl
Annapolis, Md., Dec. 27
Temple (-13) vs. Wake Forest
That Tim Rattay tab is still open. Hmm.
My pick: LEGEND OF THE HIDDEN TEMPLE
Confidence ranking: 38
Holiday Bowl
San Diego, Dec. 27
Minnesota vs. Washington State (-7)
I've never been to Minnesota or Washington state. You know I got my boy Mike Leach in this game, though.
My pick: WASHINGTON STATE
Confidence ranking: 4
Cactus Bowl
Phoenix, Dec. 27
Boise State (-7.5) vs. Baylor
Baylor is turning into a Penn State-esque nightmare right now, aren't they.
My pick: BOISE STATE
Confidence ranking: 37
Pinstripe Bowl
Bronx, N.Y., Dec. 28)
Pittsburgh (-5.5) vs. Northwestern
I had already forgotten that Pitt beat both Clemson and Penn State. Northwestern started off pretty bad but improved, which makes me wonder if this will be a close game.
My pick: PITTTTTTTTT
Confidence ranking: 16
Athletic Bowl
Orlando, Dec. 28
West Virginia vs. Miami (Florida) (-3)
Holgo for life. I think WVU will lose this game, and I don't even care. Did you know they're in the Big 12? And it only has ten teams? What a country.
My pick: WVU
Confidence ranking: 3
Foster Farms Bowl
Santa Clara, Calif., Dec. 28
Indiana vs. Utah (-8)
Utes? What's a Ute? Classic.
My pick: UTAH
Confidence ranking: 17
Texas Bowl
Houston, Dec. 28
Texas A&M vs. Kansas State (n/a)
TAMU is decidedly mediocre, but they have the same record as KSU against a tougher schedule.
My pick: TAMU
Confidence ranking: 20
Birmingham Bowl
Birmingham, Ala., Dec. 29
USF (-10.5) vs. South Carolina
South Florida is good enough they hired their coach away, so, good on them. I like the Charlie Strong hire. South Carolina is trash.
My pick: WE GOT IT ALL ON USF
Confidence ranking: 33
Belk Bowl
Charlotte, NC, Dec. 29
Arkansas vs. Virginia Tech (-7)
You can throw out the records when these former band mates get together. When are people going to figure out the Bert Believer isn't a very good coach? I'll tell you when: never, because life isn't fair.
My pick: VA TECH
Confidence ranking: 26
Alamo Bowl
San Antonio, Dec. 29
Oklahoma State vs. Colorado (-3)
Remember the Alamo? You said you'd never forget! The reason I like Colorado in this game: This is kind of a dream season for them, compared to a good but not outstanding year for Oklahoma State. Please, I root for Ralphie (Ralphy? not looking it up) to go insane and gore someone every time.
My pick: BUFFS
Confidence ranking: 19
Liberty Bowl
Memphis, TN, Dec. 30
Georgia (-1) vs. TCU
Georgia sucks and I hate them.
My pick: TCU
Confidence ranking: 23
Sun Bowl
El Paso, Texas, Dec. 30
Stanford (-3.5) vs. North Carolina
Might as well be bowling on the sun! I think bowl games don't favor speedy teams. Plus, I like to write it "Samford" when I pick. I still don't know which team is in which ACC division, and at this point I am proud not to know.
My pick: SAMFORD
Confidence ranking: 15
Music City Bowl
Nashville, Tenn., Dec. 30
Nebraska vs. Tennessee (-3)
This game will be "music" to your ears if you like trash teams playing bad football.
My pick: NEWBRASKA
Confidence ranking: 5
Arizona Bowl
Tucson, Ariz., Dec. 30
South Alabama vs. Air Force (-13.5)
This is another game where the line looks too big, but the favorite should still win.
My pick: AIR THE FORCE BE WITH YOU
Confidence ranking: 31
Orange Bowl
Miami Gardens, Fla., Dec. 30
Michigan (-7) vs. Florida State
Absolutely not.
My pick: MICHIGAN
Confidence ranking: 30
Citrus Bowl
Orlando, Dec. 31
LSU vs. Louisville (n/a)
Da Coach O is already tiring. That said! Louisville has less talent overall, and I think they're a team on the decline. LSU will play for their new coach. They play this game in Camping World Stadium.
My pick: LSU
Confidence ranking: 7
TaxSlayer Bowl
Jacksonville, Fla., Dec. 31
Georgia Tech (-3.5) vs. Kentucky
pretty quotidian matchup imo
My pick: GA TECH
Confidence ranking: 6
Peach Bowl
Atlanta, Dec. 31
Washington vs. Alabama (-17)
Never in doubt, my friends.
My pick: ALABAMA
Confidence ranking: 40
Fiesta Bowl
Glendale, Ariz., Dec. 31
Ohio State (-3) vs. Clemson
Ohio State, I guess? I do not feel confident about this game. Ohio State has played a much tougher schedule, but they haven't looked that great doing it. I don't know. I dislike both of these teams, I hate this.
My pick: OHIO STATE
Confidence ranking: 9
Outback Bowl
Tampa, Fla., Jan. 2
Florida (-2.5) vs. Iowa
This pick is solely based on the idea that Florida will be healthy-ish.
My pick: FLORIDA
Confidence ranking: 8
Cotton Bowl
Arlington, Texas, Jan. 2
Western Michigan vs. Wisconsin (-7.5)
Nonsense. Western Michigan having that dream season and everything, but who is the best team they beat? Northwestern?
My pick: WISKY RIVER
Confidence ranking: 29
Rose Bowl Game
Pasadena, Calif., Jan. 2
USC (-7) vs. Penn State
The only thing that makes me questionable about this pick is that Joe Paterno did not take action to stop repeated incidents of child molestation.
My pick: USC
Confidence ranking: 18
Allstate Sugar Bowl
New Orleans, Jan. 2
Auburn vs. Oklahoma (-4)
Auburn will definitely not win this game.
My pick: AUBURN
Confidence ranking: 10
Albuquerque, N.M., Dec. 17
New Mexico (-7) vs. UTSA
Wow, there are a lot of bowls.
My pick: NEW MEXICO
Confidence ranking: 22
Las Vegas Bowl
Las Vegas, Dec. 17
Houston (-3) vs. San Diego State
Houston lost a coach! I tend to think that players try to impress a new coach, and there's not going to be a lot of transition difficulty with an internal promotion.
My pick: HOUSTON
Confidence ranking: 11
Montgomery, Ala., Dec. 17
Appalachian State vs. Toledo (-1)
I mean, sure? I saw Appalachian State play in this bowl game last year, and it was quite a hoot.
My pick: APPY STATE
Confidence ranking: 1
Cure Bowl
Orlando, Dec. 17
UCF (-6) vs. Arkansas State
Tough to take this game seriously. I think some home field advantage will be the difference, but maybe not? A person gambling on this game would have to be a real degenerate.
My pick: UCF
Confidence ranking: 21
New Orleans Bowl
New Orleans, Dec. 17Southern Mississippi (-3.5) vs. UL Lafayette
I wouldn't say that I've always liked Southern Miss, but I like them more than I like several teams. You Laugh is improving, but Southern Miss returns their starting quarterback. I actually did research on this game, and that why I will get this pick wrong.
My pick: SOU MISS
Confidence ranking: 27
Miami Beach Bowl
Miami, Dec. 19
Central Michigan vs. Tulsa (-11.5)
I saw Central Michigan on replay several times during the botched ending of their win over Oklahoma State. Frankly, what I watched didn't impress me. Did you know that Tulsa has the #6 offense? I didn't!
My pick: TULSA
Confidence ranking: 36
Boca Raton Bowl
Boca Raton, Fla., Dec. 20
Memphis vs. Western Kentucky (-5)
Western Kentucky lost their coach, and I think that I have asserted before my theory that players want to impress a potential new coach. I still don't feel terribly confident about this game, but I do guarantee one thing: it will be a WacKY game!
My pick: WESTERN KENTUCKY
Confidence ranking: 28
Poinsettia Bowl
San Diego, Dec. 21BYU (-8.5) vs. Wyoming
Normally, when the starting quarterback gets hurt at the end of the season, you pick against that team, but BYU had this happen last year and had good results. BYU has Big Mo(mentum) on their side.
My pick: BYU
Confidence ranking: 34
Potato Bowl
Boise, Idaho, Dec. 22
Idaho vs. Colorado State (-13.5)
POE TAY TOE
My pick: Colorado State
Confidence ranking: 39
Nassau, Bahamas, Dec. 23
Eastern Michigan vs. Old Dominion (-3.5)
Bahamas mon! Old Dominion is 9-3, but against a schedule that would embarrass your fair Captain on Dynasty Mode.
My pick: EASTERN MICHIGAN
Confidence ranking: 13
Fort Worth, Texas, Dec. 23
Louisiana Tech vs. Navy (n/a)
Two teams riding losing streaks meet up in a game featuring institutions which helped win WWII. Scientists at NASA have confirmed that Tim Rattay is still coaching at La Tech.
My pick: LA TECH
Confidence ranking: 24
Dollar General Bowl
Mobile, Ala., Dec. 23
Ohio vs. Troy (-4)
Dolla dolla genrul y'all! That's the slogan I pitched Dollar General; it did not go well. Troy didn't beat Georgia Southern, which is all I want to see Walt sad.
My pick: OHIO
Confidence ranking: 14
Hawai'i Bowl
Honolulu, Dec. 24
Hawaii vs. Middle Tennessee (n/a)
Home field (or should I say ho field) advantage carries the day. Flying to Hawaii to play around in the water is distracting for a kid living in Murphfreezeborough Tennessee.
My pick: HAWAII
Confidence ranking: 12
St. Petersburg Bowl
St. Petersburg, Fla., Dec. 26
Miami (Ohio) vs. Mississippi State (-13)
Thirteen points seems like a big margin, but the outcome seems assured. Ned Starkville seems like a thing, right?
My pick: MISSISSISSISSISSIPPI STATE
Confidence ranking: 25
Detroit, Dec. 26
Maryland (-1.5) vs. Boston College
Former ACC foes match up once again! BC has been smashed by every decent team they played, but fortunately they're playing Maryland. Did you know Maryland's coach is actually named D J Durkin? I cannot stand it.
My pick: BC
Confidence ranking: 2
Camping World Independence Bowl
Shreveport, La., Dec. 26
NC State (-4) vs. Vanderbilt
Dave Durrrrren
My pick: NC STATE
Confidence ranking: 35
Dallas, Dec. 27
Army vs. North Texas (n/a)
Don't mess with North Texas! That's what I'd say if North Texas hadn't lose seven games this year.
My pick: AMERICA'S ARMY
Confidence ranking: 32
Military Bowl
Annapolis, Md., Dec. 27
Temple (-13) vs. Wake Forest
That Tim Rattay tab is still open. Hmm.
My pick: LEGEND OF THE HIDDEN TEMPLE
Confidence ranking: 38
San Diego, Dec. 27
Minnesota vs. Washington State (-7)
I've never been to Minnesota or Washington state. You know I got my boy Mike Leach in this game, though.
My pick: WASHINGTON STATE
Confidence ranking: 4
Cactus Bowl
Phoenix, Dec. 27
Boise State (-7.5) vs. Baylor
Baylor is turning into a Penn State-esque nightmare right now, aren't they.
My pick: BOISE STATE
Confidence ranking: 37
Pinstripe Bowl
Bronx, N.Y., Dec. 28)
Pittsburgh (-5.5) vs. Northwestern
I had already forgotten that Pitt beat both Clemson and Penn State. Northwestern started off pretty bad but improved, which makes me wonder if this will be a close game.
My pick: PITTTTTTTTT
Confidence ranking: 16
Athletic Bowl
Orlando, Dec. 28
West Virginia vs. Miami (Florida) (-3)
Holgo for life. I think WVU will lose this game, and I don't even care. Did you know they're in the Big 12? And it only has ten teams? What a country.
My pick: WVU
Confidence ranking: 3
Foster Farms Bowl
Santa Clara, Calif., Dec. 28
Indiana vs. Utah (-8)
Utes? What's a Ute? Classic.
My pick: UTAH
Confidence ranking: 17
Texas Bowl
Houston, Dec. 28
Texas A&M vs. Kansas State (n/a)
TAMU is decidedly mediocre, but they have the same record as KSU against a tougher schedule.
My pick: TAMU
Confidence ranking: 20
Birmingham Bowl
Birmingham, Ala., Dec. 29
USF (-10.5) vs. South Carolina
South Florida is good enough they hired their coach away, so, good on them. I like the Charlie Strong hire. South Carolina is trash.
My pick: WE GOT IT ALL ON USF
Confidence ranking: 33
Belk Bowl
Charlotte, NC, Dec. 29
Arkansas vs. Virginia Tech (-7)
You can throw out the records when these former band mates get together. When are people going to figure out the Bert Believer isn't a very good coach? I'll tell you when: never, because life isn't fair.
My pick: VA TECH
Confidence ranking: 26
Alamo Bowl
San Antonio, Dec. 29
Oklahoma State vs. Colorado (-3)
Remember the Alamo? You said you'd never forget! The reason I like Colorado in this game: This is kind of a dream season for them, compared to a good but not outstanding year for Oklahoma State. Please, I root for Ralphie (Ralphy? not looking it up) to go insane and gore someone every time.
My pick: BUFFS
Confidence ranking: 19
Liberty Bowl
Memphis, TN, Dec. 30
Georgia (-1) vs. TCU
Georgia sucks and I hate them.
My pick: TCU
Confidence ranking: 23
Sun Bowl
El Paso, Texas, Dec. 30
Stanford (-3.5) vs. North Carolina
Might as well be bowling on the sun! I think bowl games don't favor speedy teams. Plus, I like to write it "Samford" when I pick. I still don't know which team is in which ACC division, and at this point I am proud not to know.
My pick: SAMFORD
Confidence ranking: 15
Music City Bowl
Nashville, Tenn., Dec. 30
Nebraska vs. Tennessee (-3)
This game will be "music" to your ears if you like trash teams playing bad football.
My pick: NEWBRASKA
Confidence ranking: 5
Arizona Bowl
Tucson, Ariz., Dec. 30
South Alabama vs. Air Force (-13.5)
This is another game where the line looks too big, but the favorite should still win.
My pick: AIR THE FORCE BE WITH YOU
Confidence ranking: 31
Orange Bowl
Miami Gardens, Fla., Dec. 30
Michigan (-7) vs. Florida State
Absolutely not.
My pick: MICHIGAN
Confidence ranking: 30
Citrus Bowl
Orlando, Dec. 31
LSU vs. Louisville (n/a)
Da Coach O is already tiring. That said! Louisville has less talent overall, and I think they're a team on the decline. LSU will play for their new coach. They play this game in Camping World Stadium.
My pick: LSU
Confidence ranking: 7
TaxSlayer Bowl
Jacksonville, Fla., Dec. 31
Georgia Tech (-3.5) vs. Kentucky
pretty quotidian matchup imo
My pick: GA TECH
Confidence ranking: 6
Peach Bowl
Atlanta, Dec. 31
Washington vs. Alabama (-17)
Never in doubt, my friends.
My pick: ALABAMA
Confidence ranking: 40
Fiesta Bowl
Glendale, Ariz., Dec. 31
Ohio State (-3) vs. Clemson
Ohio State, I guess? I do not feel confident about this game. Ohio State has played a much tougher schedule, but they haven't looked that great doing it. I don't know. I dislike both of these teams, I hate this.
My pick: OHIO STATE
Confidence ranking: 9
Outback Bowl
Tampa, Fla., Jan. 2
Florida (-2.5) vs. Iowa
This pick is solely based on the idea that Florida will be healthy-ish.
My pick: FLORIDA
Confidence ranking: 8
Cotton Bowl
Arlington, Texas, Jan. 2
Western Michigan vs. Wisconsin (-7.5)
Nonsense. Western Michigan having that dream season and everything, but who is the best team they beat? Northwestern?
My pick: WISKY RIVER
Confidence ranking: 29
Rose Bowl Game
Pasadena, Calif., Jan. 2
USC (-7) vs. Penn State
The only thing that makes me questionable about this pick is that Joe Paterno did not take action to stop repeated incidents of child molestation.
My pick: USC
Confidence ranking: 18
New Orleans, Jan. 2
Auburn vs. Oklahoma (-4)
Auburn will definitely not win this game.
My pick: AUBURN
Confidence ranking: 10
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