3E Presents: Foreigner Week

3E presents: Foreigner Week

3E Presents: A Top 21 Things on the Internet: #6 House of Cosbys

House of Cosbys had a relatively large percentage of stinkers, you see, being only four episodes long (struck down in its prime by legal threats). But it's still probably the finest early example of dot-comedy, which is the direction that future television will take (see also Queer Duck, which made the move to Showtime). Without mid-level managers at some broadcasting company getting in the way, online television has two possibilities when it comes to comedy (dramas are going in a different direction): one, independently produced series online are better than what's on "regular" television; two, it forces regular television to be funnier. Both of these have happened.

But enough of that, Theo. House of Cosbys is about a guy who clones Bill Cosby, and each clone has a weird specialty. April Fool's Cosby: the power to play excellent April Fools jokes, Dwayne Wayne. Every tenth clone has superpowers, like Data Analysis Cosby. How can that not work for you?

3E Presents: A Top 21 Things on the Internet: #7 Mobile Lephrechaun

The best part of this is the amateur sketch.

So, Alabama is alright, I guess, as far as states go. But it has its share of idiots and slow news days. Combine the two: magic.

3E Presents: A Top 21 Things on the Internet: #8 Latarian Milton

Nothing that kid ever does will be as awesome as this.

3E Presents: A Top 21 Things on the Internet: #9 Rotten Library

We've mentioned it before, but the rarely-updated Rotten Library never gets old. It was the first website that I fell into the click-a-link forever timewaster. The writing is sharp and crisp, the illustrations are nearly perfect, and most of the articles are exactly long enough to fell complete but still want more. Wikipedia has mostly taken the role of time-stealing-clicking now, but Rotten showed me the way.

Some of my favorites:

Everything in Crypotzoology

An extended, elaborate argument that Al Qaeda is connected to the Assassins cult

On the silly Matrix Trilogy

But really, it's all good stuff.

3E Presents: A Top 21 Things on the Internet: #10 Peanut Butter Jelly Time

We took a little break because I forgot. Anyway, back to 3E's list of things on the internet. Not a lot to say about this entry. It's iconic as all get-out.



Then you get internet media references to regular media references to internet media.



It's peanut butter jelly time all the way down.

This video also gets bonus points because, come on, it's always peanut butter jelly time.

3E Presents: A Top 21 Things on the Internet: #11 Falling Sand Game

Here, although there are a whole bunch of different kinds. There's also a forum. A very zen entry, I think, that is my favorite example of a pointless timewaster -- at least, pointless besides the enjoyment of it (and isn't that why we're all here?). It's very relaxing but also very addictive.

I like to create a never-ending cycle of fire/plant. But others may have a different approach.

3E Presents: A Top 21 Things on the Internet: #12 I Just Want Bang Bang Bang

Man, what an awesome video. You can do anything with computers these days.

Ok, Annie, listen. I don't want to make sex, eat chocolate, look at animals, take walk. No. You come home and you say, Hashmir, touch me down there, I like that. I don't think so, Annie. Don't have time, want to drink, cigarette, you know.
You know something Annie, I tell you what, I just want BANG BANG BANG.

Whenever someone says you're going to do something that you don't want to do, if you say WRA-ON-ONG like Hashmir does, you will be fine. Also call people "idiot."

3E Presents: A Top 21 Things on the Internet: #13 Chocolate Rain

As Tha Cap'n put it, it makes sense that a guy who sounds 50 and looks fourteen should be 27. Some people don't like him.

Since two years ago, when it was popular, "Chocolate Rain" has had over 40 million views, which is a lot. Also Mr. Zonday got paid to make this.



The reason this is on my list is because about once a month the song randomly gets stuck in my head, and it stays there for about three days. This has not declined in frequency, that I can tell, which I think is a bad sign about how much more empty space my brain has left for learning new things.

But overall, I guess that whole internet fame thing pretty cool, right? A talented guy gets popular on the internet and then rightly makes at least a little money as a result of that talent.

But that is a fake story, the same way that poor black kids leaving the ghettos to become NBA All-Stars is a fake story. The fact that it may have happened before in no way makes it less true.*

*This totally makes sense if you think about it in typical (in the sense of "a type or model for one's life") terms.

3E Presents: A Top 21 Things on the Internet: #14 I'm on a Boat, the Natalie Portman Rap, and general Lonely Island stuff

This is the second straight entry that makes me want to say "Shawtee!"

Actually, most of their stuff isn't terribly good. But a lot of it is good, and some of it is downright brilliant.



I think it started with Weird Al, that parody and satire started to be better than the target of ridicule. Rap is so silly, though, and so ready to sell out (that is, after all, T-Pain up there), that we're going to reach the point where we can't really talk about satire.

3E Presents: A Top 21 Things on the Internet: #15 Auto-Tune the News

Already recognized in this space, Auto-Tune the News is the youngest entry on our list. They're all good, but I think #2 is still my favorite.



I still "shawty!" about five times a day.

Apparently Auto Tune became popular after 1998, when Cher released "Believe." I remember that song. It wasn't very good! But this is quite good, or at least better than most of the mediocre pop music we see these days. Serious question: why do these folks work part-time while people get paid to produce The Apprentice, Nancy Grace, Mind of Mencia, etc etc.?

Auto-Tune the News is created by the Gregory Brothers. If I am ever in New York, I hope I can see one of their shows.

3E Presents: A Top 21 Things on the Internet: #16 Rainbow sprinkler conspiracy lady (and the fail internet phenomenon in general I guess)

A good question. What the heck is in our oxygen supply? Metallic oxide salts? What is oozing out of our ground?

I discovered this video on FAIL Blog. Let's establish at the outset that, like most things, most of what's on there isn't very good: videos of people falling out of chairs, or signs in Engrish, or obvious fakes. That said, it can reach some impressive heights. Let's look at one item that just about pushed this one out of the lead:


Mascot Fail

The use of Daniel Powter's "Bad Day" apparently violates copyright, so a good version of this video (and it wasn't exactly HD-DVD quality to begin with) is kind of hard to find. That said: I love that bear!

I think it's the Time Cube-esque opening that pushes the rainbow sprinkler conspiracy lady to the top. That, and she touches a lot of different areas of idiocy: pseudo-science, populism, anything involving the phrase "we as a nation." I think my favorite part is how it ends: a rotation of the camera, sirens in the background, 12 seconds of silence from our narrator, and then a closing card with a demand for action.

As we say in the academic world, the real key isn't answering questions, it's asking the rights ones. Way to go, rainbow sprinkler conspiracy lady.

3E Presents: Worst Crap on the Internet #1 Part 3: Even More Drawings.

3E Presents: Worst Crap on the Internet #1 Part 2: Some More Drawings.

3E Presents: Worst Crap on the Internet #1 Part 1: These Drawings.

3E Presents: A Top 21 Things on the Internet: #17 The Helmet Project

One thing I like about the internet is that it lets everyone get their obsessions out in the open. Sometimes the results are just weird, but occasionally it produces a thing of usefulness and beauty. The first such site I can remember finding, from way back in the day, is The Helmet Project. It is old-school; a surviving, still active website from the 1990s is always a nice find. And none of that fancy flash; it still has the same clunky frame design it had when I found it.

The Helmet Project has inspired about a million imitators, including some very direct inspirations, which I think attests to its magnificence. What makes it so outstanding is that it is not limited to simply the current or historic NFL, or the major conference college football teams, or to particular region. It is as much as it can be universal, as the author Charles Arey throws around with oddly placed square quotes, an "atlas" for college and professional football helmets.

Take a look, for example, at the most recent updates to the site (N = new helmet, H = historical helmet, C = current helmet). It contains, by my count, two D-I teams, a D-II team, a D-III team, one NAIA team, and seven junior colleges:

JUN 29 - Illinois College (H) (NCAA Division III Midwest Conference)
JUN 25 - Michigan Tech (C) (NCAA Division II Great Lakers Intercollegiate Athletic Conference)
Blinn (C) (NJCAA)
Iowa Western C.C. (C) (NJCAA)
JUN 21 - Culver-Stockton (N) (NAIA Heart of America Athletic Conference)
Fond du Lac (C) (NJCAA)
Harper (C) (NJCAA)
Holmes C.C. (C) (NJCAA)
Pearl River C.C. (C) (NJCAA)
JUN 20 - Joliet J.C. (C) (NJCAA)
JUN 18 - New Mexico State (N) (Western Athletic Conference)
Hampton (C) (Mid-Eastern Athletic Conference)

The site has become in its way as much an official institution as YouTube or Google. In less than a month (July 27, to be exact), the site will be celebrating its ten year anniversary, and may it celebrate many more decades.

If any ADs or NFL owners read this blog (they don't), please, contact this guy about your next uniform switch. Or at least devote an afternoon to his site to see what you shouldn't do. Tasteful football fans everyone appreciate it.

3E Presents: A Top 21 Things on the Internet: #18 The Ultimate Showdown of Ultimate Destiny

Better version


When Godzilla gets mad at about :56, it is the best. Also: the way Godzilla looks at the very beginning of the video is how I act every day. You know what, don't watch that. It is going to be stuck in my head for the next three or four days, and I wouldn't want that to happen to anyone.

Some people I would like to have seen in this video: Doomguy, Voltron, Coolio, Jeffrey Lebowski (either), a hydralisk, and Vincent Vega.

Somebody has waaaaaaaayyyyyy too much free time.

3E Presents: A Top 21 Things on the Internet: #19 Boxhead

The is the first of a few games to be on our list. To me, the sequels really throw off the balance, introducing the devil character, and the Halloween prequel isn't quite there, but the original Boxhead is a great casual game. It is easily my favorite zombie shooter flash game. Once you figure out how to use barrels correctly, you can almost play without fear of ever being killed, which is why I usually make it a rule not to create barriers.

And the rest of the series is still pretty good.

A close second here: Bum Lee's De-Animator.

3E Presents: A Top 21 Things on the Internet: #20 Real Ultimate Power

Real Ultimate Power is where I learned three facts:

1. Ninjas are mammals.
2. Ninjas fight ALL the time.
3. The purpose of the ninja is to flip out and kill people.

It is also why I say, "or ready for bed!" whenever anyone says someone is ready to rock.

My favorite part is the hatemail, even though I am sure much or most of it is fake.

Hey retard.. just to let you know.. Seppuku is not the form of killing yourself when your pissed off or when there is no one else to kill. Its the art of an honorable suicide done because they pretty much fucked up (like if they get caught). Ninjas do not kill and stab all day. They are actually silent assasins. e.g. they would dress up like a salesman to get into your house, and while they are pretending to sell you something they would look for holes and cracks to climb into, then at night they would come back and murder you. If you going to talk about somethinig... make sure you know what the fuck you are talking about. Thats not even the jist of whats wrong on your dumbass site.

from Sudo Shima (John Madison)

Although supposedly this one is real:

DEAR ROBERT (OR WHOM EVER)

I HOPE YOU REALIZE THAT THE INFORMATION YOU HAVE POSTED ON YOUR SIGHT IS NOT ONLY COMPLETELY WRONG BUT ALSO VERY MISLEADING AND DANGEROUS. YOU OBVIOUSLY HAVE NO FACTUAL KNOWLEDGE OF NINJA,NINPO OR NINJUTSU BUT CLAIM TO BE AN AUTHORITY ON THE SUBJECT. GOD FORBID SOMEONE ACTUALLY TAKES YOUR GARBAGE TO HEART AND TRIES THIS INSANITY....YOUR GOING TO GET SOEM POOR KID KILLED....ARE YOU READY TO ACCEPT THAT RESPONSIBILITY. AS FOR ME....IM A NINJUTSU SOKE...GRANDMASTER....IN A LEGITAMATE NINJA RYU (FAMILY) WITH 25 YEARS UNDER MY BELT IN AN HISTORICALY TRACEABLE LINEAGE. I STONGLY URGE THAT YOU DO THE FOLLOWING....
>1:PLACE AN APOLOGY ON THE SIGHT WITHIN 48 HRS OF RECIEPT OF MY EMAIL TO ALL NINPO STUDENTS AND TEACHERS.
>2:PLACE A NOTE ON THE BEGINING OF YOUR SIGHT TELLING EVERYONE THAT GOES TO YOUR SIGHT THAT YOU ARE FULL OF BS.HAVE NO KNOWLEDGE OF THE ART AND TO NOT TAKE THE SIGHT SERIOUSLY
>3: REMOVE THE SIGHT BEFOR SEPT 15 2002. SHOULD YOU NOT REMOVE THE SIGHT BY THAT DATE THEN I WILL FIRST LOBBY AOL TO HAVE THE SIGHT REMOVED. IF THAT DOES NOT WORK I WILL PAY YOU A VISIT TO TEACH YOU WHAT REAL SHINOBI IS CAPABLE OF DOING....AND BELIEVE ME...I CAN AND WILL VISIT YOU. YOUR SIGHT IS DANGEROUS AND OFFENSIVE...ESPECIALLY TO SOMEONE LIKE ME WHO HAS DEDICATED HIS LIFE TO THIS ART AND HAS INHERITED THE SYSTEM AND KNOWS THE DANGERS AND VALIDITY OF NINJUTSU. I EXPECT AN EMAIL IN RETURN TO CONFIRM YOUR RECIEPT OF THIS EMAIL.....GOD HELP YOU IF YOU DONT RESPOND.

SOKE D. FUJITA
BUFUKAN NINPO BUJUTSU HOMBU DOJO

I don't think anyone updates or runs the website anymore. Shame on you, Mr. Hamburger!

Closely related: I know where Bruce Lee lives is an early and I think my favorite sound board. If nothing else, just putting it on the "Victory" music makes you feel pumped up.