Showing posts with label the irish. Show all posts
Showing posts with label the irish. Show all posts
Wednesday, October 31, 2012
Saturday, March 17, 2012
Thursday, March 17, 2011
Thursday, November 04, 2010
Saturday, September 18, 2010
I think you'll get the joke
Winnipegg Kilpatrick
Yellohnyfe O'Brien
Thundar Bai McNulty
Saskatune Donnegan
Northwest Turritoriez O'Flaherty
Halifacks McGilicutty
etc.
Yellohnyfe O'Brien
Thundar Bai McNulty
Saskatune Donnegan
Northwest Turritoriez O'Flaherty
Halifacks McGilicutty
etc.
Wednesday, December 16, 2009
More Irish Jokes!
Q: when was the last good Irish barbecue?
A: 1431, and it involved Joan of Arc
Q: Why don't the Irish Barbeque?
A: The snails keep slipping between the grills.
Q: How do you get an Irish waiter's attention?
A: Start ordering in German.
Q: What's the difference between Ireland and Quebec?
A: Quebec has prettier women and colder beer.
Q: Why do the Irish like smelly cheeses?
A: Well, in a room full of Irish people, you can't really smell the cheese.
Q. What is the first thing the Irish Army teaches at basic training?
A. How to surrender in at least 10 languages.
Q. What is the most useful thing in the Irish Army?
A. A rearview mirror, so they can see the war.
A: 1431, and it involved Joan of Arc
Q: Why don't the Irish Barbeque?
A: The snails keep slipping between the grills.
Q: How do you get an Irish waiter's attention?
A: Start ordering in German.
Q: What's the difference between Ireland and Quebec?
A: Quebec has prettier women and colder beer.
Q: Why do the Irish like smelly cheeses?
A: Well, in a room full of Irish people, you can't really smell the cheese.
Q. What is the first thing the Irish Army teaches at basic training?
A. How to surrender in at least 10 languages.
Q. What is the most useful thing in the Irish Army?
A. A rearview mirror, so they can see the war.
A collection of Irish jokes
Two Irish nuns are driving across the countryside when a vampire jumps onto the roof of their car.
"Quick Sister Josephina!" screams the driver. "Show him yer cross!"
The passenger nun leans out the window and yells "Up yours, cocksucker!"
---
Doctors have isolated a variation of Alzheimer's called Irish Alzheimer's -- you forget everything but the grudges.
---
These two Irishmen were looking for work. They saw a poster in the Post Office that said the police were looking for two men for murder, so they went down to the police station to apply.
When they got down there they saw a poster that the police were looking for two Pakistanis for rape. One said to the other, "Wouldn't you know it, those damn wogs get all the good jobs."
---
What's a seven-course Irish meal? A potato and a six-pack.
---
An IRA man dies and goes to heaven and is met by St Peter at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter says, 'You can't come in, you've been bad.'
The IRA man says, 'I don't want to come in, you've got ten minutes to get out.'
---
An Englishman, a Scott, and a Irishman walked into a pub. Each ordered a pint of beer. Then a fly landed in each one's beer.
The Englishman, turning slightly green, pushed his beer away and asked for another one. The Scott took the fly out, shrugged, and drank his beer. The Irishman pinched the fly by the wings and yelled, "SPIT IT OUT!" "SPIT IT OUT!"
---
Dunleavy and Brennan were out on a river one morning, fishing from their rowboat without much luck -- and needing something to quench their thirst. Suddenly, Dunleavy landed a large fish, who spoke to the two men: "Sure, if you let me go, I'll grant you a single wish." Before Brennan could speak, Dunleavy blurted, "Turn the river into beer!" The fish said, "Done," and hopped back into the river -- which changed moments later as the fish had promised. Dunleavy proudly said, "So whadya think of me now?" Brennan replied, "I think you're a feckin' idiot. Now we gotta piss in the boat."
---
And did you hear about the Irishman who went to Rome and got so drunk that he kissed his wife and beat the pope's foot to a pulp with a coal shovel?
---
Two nuns are riding their bicycles around Dublin trying to find their way back to the convent, but they're lost. After twenty minutes or so, one says, "I've never come this way before." The other gives a knowing nod, "It's the cobblestones."
"Quick Sister Josephina!" screams the driver. "Show him yer cross!"
The passenger nun leans out the window and yells "Up yours, cocksucker!"
---
Doctors have isolated a variation of Alzheimer's called Irish Alzheimer's -- you forget everything but the grudges.
---
These two Irishmen were looking for work. They saw a poster in the Post Office that said the police were looking for two men for murder, so they went down to the police station to apply.
When they got down there they saw a poster that the police were looking for two Pakistanis for rape. One said to the other, "Wouldn't you know it, those damn wogs get all the good jobs."
---
What's a seven-course Irish meal? A potato and a six-pack.
---
An IRA man dies and goes to heaven and is met by St Peter at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter says, 'You can't come in, you've been bad.'
The IRA man says, 'I don't want to come in, you've got ten minutes to get out.'
---
An Englishman, a Scott, and a Irishman walked into a pub. Each ordered a pint of beer. Then a fly landed in each one's beer.
The Englishman, turning slightly green, pushed his beer away and asked for another one. The Scott took the fly out, shrugged, and drank his beer. The Irishman pinched the fly by the wings and yelled, "SPIT IT OUT!" "SPIT IT OUT!"
---
Dunleavy and Brennan were out on a river one morning, fishing from their rowboat without much luck -- and needing something to quench their thirst. Suddenly, Dunleavy landed a large fish, who spoke to the two men: "Sure, if you let me go, I'll grant you a single wish." Before Brennan could speak, Dunleavy blurted, "Turn the river into beer!" The fish said, "Done," and hopped back into the river -- which changed moments later as the fish had promised. Dunleavy proudly said, "So whadya think of me now?" Brennan replied, "I think you're a feckin' idiot. Now we gotta piss in the boat."
---
And did you hear about the Irishman who went to Rome and got so drunk that he kissed his wife and beat the pope's foot to a pulp with a coal shovel?
---
Two nuns are riding their bicycles around Dublin trying to find their way back to the convent, but they're lost. After twenty minutes or so, one says, "I've never come this way before." The other gives a knowing nod, "It's the cobblestones."
Tuesday, March 17, 2009
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