Tuesday, October 30, 2018
The Previous Nine Weeks Have All Led To This. That's Right It's Week Ten, Baby
charles, finder of the malaysia plane: 3-2 (33-32)
captain, who lost it in the first place: 2-3 (35-30)
by royal decree, this week's games shall all be played upon fields of football in the length of 100 yards (as the jackdaw flies).
Texas A&M @ Auburn (-4.5)
South Carolina @ Old Mist (Pick Em!) I think the line opened with Old Mist as a slight favorite, but it swung to SC -1. Now I'm seeing some as even, so I'm going with that since I don't think we've ever done it before.
Georgia (-9.5) @ Kentucky
Missouri @ Florida (-6)
UNC-Charlotte @ Tennessee (-21)
La Tech @ Mississippi State (-23)
ALABAMA (-14.5) @ LSU
mooo-lahhh i got you all in check (buster rhymes)
charles, the guy who took down the texas tower sniper: $711.61
captain, the guy who incited him to violence in the first place: *places pinky finger next to mouth* one thooouusand dollars
captain, who lost it in the first place: 2-3 (35-30)
by royal decree, this week's games shall all be played upon fields of football in the length of 100 yards (as the jackdaw flies).
Texas A&M @ Auburn (-4.5)
South Carolina @ Old Mist (Pick Em!) I think the line opened with Old Mist as a slight favorite, but it swung to SC -1. Now I'm seeing some as even, so I'm going with that since I don't think we've ever done it before.
Georgia (-9.5) @ Kentucky
Missouri @ Florida (-6)
UNC-Charlotte @ Tennessee (-21)
La Tech @ Mississippi State (-23)
ALABAMA (-14.5) @ LSU
mooo-lahhh i got you all in check (buster rhymes)
charles, the guy who took down the texas tower sniper: $711.61
captain, the guy who incited him to violence in the first place: *places pinky finger next to mouth* one thooouusand dollars
Thursday, October 25, 2018
*to the tune of don't speak* ninth week... i know just what i'm pickin
whoa nelly, these are some TIGHT ones
Arkansas +1 Arkansas is really good. Only I know this.
Georgia -7 remember when we saw two squirrels doing it outside our window before graduation
Missouri -7 Where do Missouri football players get their water? From the Faurot faucet. Thank you.
TAMU +2.5 TAMU can do, but Sartre is smarter.
Tennessee +7.5 The only ten I see? Red Dead Redemption 2's score in the new IGN review.
Tha Captain gets confused when his horses aren't in the running.
1) $74.30 on TAMU straight up at +140 to win $104.02
2) $74.31 on Tennessee straight up at +260 to win $193.21
3) $126.39 on Georgia straight up at -260 to win $48.61
Arkansas +1 Arkansas is really good. Only I know this.
Georgia -7 remember when we saw two squirrels doing it outside our window before graduation
Missouri -7 Where do Missouri football players get their water? From the Faurot faucet. Thank you.
TAMU +2.5 TAMU can do, but Sartre is smarter.
Tennessee +7.5 The only ten I see? Red Dead Redemption 2's score in the new IGN review.
Tha Captain gets confused when his horses aren't in the running.
1) $74.30 on TAMU straight up at +140 to win $104.02
2) $74.31 on Tennessee straight up at +260 to win $193.21
3) $126.39 on Georgia straight up at -260 to win $48.61
Wick Nine Peeks
Arkansas (+1) I got burned by the Commodores last week, but sticking with it.
Georgia (-7) Georgia is mad about losing and covers pretty easy, or Florida will win, are my predictions.
Kentucky (+7) free money
TAMU (+2.5) naturally, needs no explanation
Tennessee (+7.5) guh
$$$$$$$$
I got $675.25 and am looking at a rough week. I have to spend $168.81 Is it time to go big? Do something bold, something flashy? Sort of!
$100 on TAMU-Mississississippi State to go over 43.5 points
$150 on Kentucky to cover (-7)
Georgia (-7) Georgia is mad about losing and covers pretty easy, or Florida will win, are my predictions.
Kentucky (+7) free money
TAMU (+2.5) naturally, needs no explanation
Tennessee (+7.5) guh
$$$$$$$$
I got $675.25 and am looking at a rough week. I have to spend $168.81 Is it time to go big? Do something bold, something flashy? Sort of!
$100 on TAMU-Mississississippi State to go over 43.5 points
$150 on Kentucky to cover (-7)
Monday, October 22, 2018
Week Nein
American Pharaoh: 4-2 (33-27)
American Idiot: 0-6 (30-30)
Not ... not a great week for your boy C, not even mediocre (MMFR voice), but another solid outing for W.
Several teams off this week and lots of tight lines.
Vanderbilt (-1) at Arkansas
Florida v Georgia (-7)
Kentucky at Missouri (-7)
TAMU at Mississippi State (-2.5)
Tennessee at South Carolina (-7.5)
__________________
"the nice bookie" needs no corrections
Captain Fat Stacks: $1100
Charlie Fat Snacks: $655.25
American Idiot: 0-6 (30-30)
Not ... not a great week for your boy C, not even mediocre (MMFR voice), but another solid outing for W.
Several teams off this week and lots of tight lines.
Vanderbilt (-1) at Arkansas
Florida v Georgia (-7)
Kentucky at Missouri (-7)
TAMU at Mississippi State (-2.5)
Tennessee at South Carolina (-7.5)
__________________
"the nice bookie" needs no corrections
Captain Fat Stacks: $1100
Charlie Fat Snacks: $655.25
Friday, October 19, 2018
Thursday, October 18, 2018
would you say eight is ........ enough
Tulsa (+7) If Auburn played Arkansas right now, Auburn would lose, but that doesn't mean Arkansas can cover against Tulsa.
Old Mist (+4) I liked -3 a lot better than -4, which is a weird thing to say.
Tennessee (+28.5) Seems like a big line? Who the heck knows. I'm expecting a nutty 56-35 kind of game.
Memphis (+9.5) nah
Mississiisssipppsiispiss State (+6.5). thanks fella. I'm officially predicting a two-point LSU victory.
Kentucky (-11.5) Finally picking a favorite! I'm less pro-Kentucky than I am anti-Vandy.
$$$$$$$$$$$$
"the lice bookie"
Playin' with $769.80, bettin' at least $192.45, lookin' for a good week to get out of the red.
$150 on Kentucky to cover -11.5 against Vanderbilt
$50 on Alabama-Tennessee to go over 56.5
$10 on Tennessee to win, to win $200
Old Mist (+4) I liked -3 a lot better than -4, which is a weird thing to say.
Tennessee (+28.5) Seems like a big line? Who the heck knows. I'm expecting a nutty 56-35 kind of game.
Memphis (+9.5) nah
Mississiisssipppsiispiss State (+6.5). thanks fella. I'm officially predicting a two-point LSU victory.
Kentucky (-11.5) Finally picking a favorite! I'm less pro-Kentucky than I am anti-Vandy.
$$$$$$$$$$$$
"the lice bookie"
Playin' with $769.80, bettin' at least $192.45, lookin' for a good week to get out of the red.
$150 on Kentucky to cover -11.5 against Vanderbilt
$50 on Alabama-Tennessee to go over 56.5
$10 on Tennessee to win, to win $200
Week Eight season's really flyin by huh
duuuurrrrrrrrrr
Arkansas -7 I don't know why I still think Arkansas is good.
Old Mist +4 *labored breathing*
Alabama -28.5 Oh god
Memphis +9.5 Sure. Picked this to even out my faves/dogs.
LSU -6.5 As often happens, this doesn't look right when I type it out but whatever.
Vanderbilt +11.5 Game will be played at Kroger Field. C'mon man.
Imma sling this 12 hundy (really I'm only slinging $1,199.31 but when you're rich it don't matter)
1) $1,083.83 on tua and the boys straight up at -7000. Gimme dat $15.48 baby.
2) Tha Captainz Upset Special: oh you know I had to do it $115.48 on America's Oldest Mist straight up at +170. Lemme hold $196.32 baby.
Arkansas -7 I don't know why I still think Arkansas is good.
Old Mist +4 *labored breathing*
Alabama -28.5 Oh god
Memphis +9.5 Sure. Picked this to even out my faves/dogs.
LSU -6.5 As often happens, this doesn't look right when I type it out but whatever.
Vanderbilt +11.5 Game will be played at Kroger Field. C'mon man.
Imma sling this 12 hundy (really I'm only slinging $1,199.31 but when you're rich it don't matter)
1) $1,083.83 on tua and the boys straight up at -7000. Gimme dat $15.48 baby.
2) Tha Captainz Upset Special: oh you know I had to do it $115.48 on America's Oldest Mist straight up at +170. Lemme hold $196.32 baby.
Wednesday, October 17, 2018
Week Eight (8): lines lines everywhere some lines
Week Eight. Wherein I not only have to do everyone else's job at work, I also have to do it on the blog.
WoodChuck: 3-3 (30-24)
CaptainSuck: 6-0 (29-25) perfection... it's never quite good enough...
To my smooth brain, these all look like great games.
Tulsa @ Arkansas (-7)
Auburn (-4) @ Old Mist
Alabama (-28.5) @ Tennessee
Memphis @ Missouri (-9.5)
Mississiisssipppsiispiss State {writing it like that because you do} @ LSU (-6.5)
Vanderbilt @ Kentucky (-11.5)
The Nice Wookie:
Charbacca: $769.80
Captain Solo: $1200.00 (still excited about how I did that)
WoodChuck: 3-3 (30-24)
CaptainSuck: 6-0 (29-25) perfection... it's never quite good enough...
To my smooth brain, these all look like great games.
Tulsa @ Arkansas (-7)
Auburn (-4) @ Old Mist
Alabama (-28.5) @ Tennessee
Memphis @ Missouri (-9.5)
Mississiisssipppsiispiss State {writing it like that because you do} @ LSU (-6.5)
Vanderbilt @ Kentucky (-11.5)
The Nice Wookie:
Charbacca: $769.80
Captain Solo: $1200.00 (still excited about how I did that)
Friday, October 12, 2018
lucky number Stefan, that would be a good nickname for someone named Stefan or maybe a Steven but not quite as good
Florida (-7) I feel like Vanderbilt underplays against equal or superior opponents
Tennessee (+15.5) gettin' verrrrrrrrry nervous about this one. If Auburn is going to be remotely good this year, they smash the 45.5 o/u, but they aren't so they won't.
Georgia (-7.5) n- n- n- n- n- nightmare
Texas A&M (-2) sure
Missouri (+28) that's a big ole line!
Old Mist (-6.5) This is a tough pick, I went for the one that's worse for Auburn in terms of the Rebs getting better
$$$$$$$$$$$$
For "the nice bookie" I have only $627.08, so betting at least $156.77. I'm excited to be betting $12 on the SEC title game.
$100 on Florida to cover against Vanderbilt
$50 on Georgia-LSU to go over 50.5 points
$7 on Auburn-Tennessee to go over 45.5 points
Tennessee (+15.5) gettin' verrrrrrrrry nervous about this one. If Auburn is going to be remotely good this year, they smash the 45.5 o/u, but they aren't so they won't.
Georgia (-7.5) n- n- n- n- n- nightmare
Texas A&M (-2) sure
Missouri (+28) that's a big ole line!
Old Mist (-6.5) This is a tough pick, I went for the one that's worse for Auburn in terms of the Rebs getting better
$$$$$$$$$$$$
For "the nice bookie" I have only $627.08, so betting at least $156.77. I'm excited to be betting $12 on the SEC title game.
$100 on Florida to cover against Vanderbilt
$50 on Georgia-LSU to go over 50.5 points
$7 on Auburn-Tennessee to go over 45.5 points
Give a Hoot; Make Some Picks
Please do no stare directly at my picks.
Going to put use some images that have, apparently, been on this blog before. It should be pretty clear how each is tied to the respective game. I'm just kidding, they're random.
Florida -7
Tennessee +15.5
LSU +7.5
Texas A&M -2
Alabama -28
Arkansas +6.5
I love to "splash the cash."
1) $1,182.42 on the Alabama Crimson Football Tide to "win straight up" at -7000. I stand to win $16.89.
2) $88.36 on my "Upset Special" of the week: Arkansas to win straight up at +220. I "stand" to win $194.39.
Eventually this has to come back and "bite me in the ass."
Going to put use some images that have, apparently, been on this blog before. It should be pretty clear how each is tied to the respective game. I'm just kidding, they're random.
Florida -7
Tennessee +15.5
LSU +7.5
Texas A&M -2
Alabama -28
Arkansas +6.5
I love to "splash the cash."
1) $1,182.42 on the Alabama Crimson Football Tide to "win straight up" at -7000. I stand to win $16.89.
2) $88.36 on my "Upset Special" of the week: Arkansas to win straight up at +220. I "stand" to win $194.39.
Eventually this has to come back and "bite me in the ass."
Tuesday, October 09, 2018
Seventh Heaven (tv show)
Another exciting week of football picking action.
Charles: 3-4 (27-21)
Cap: 4-3 (23-25)
Florida (-7) @ Vanderbilt
Tennessee @ Auburn (-15.5)
Georgia (-7.5) @ LSU
Texas A&M (-2) @ South Carolina
Missouri @ Alabama (-28)
Old Mist (-6.5) @ Arkansas
The Very Nice Bookie:
Charles: $627.08
Cap: $1,271.47
Charles: 3-4 (27-21)
Cap: 4-3 (23-25)
Florida (-7) @ Vanderbilt
Tennessee @ Auburn (-15.5)
Georgia (-7.5) @ LSU
Texas A&M (-2) @ South Carolina
Missouri @ Alabama (-28)
Old Mist (-6.5) @ Arkansas
The Very Nice Bookie:
Charles: $627.08
Cap: $1,271.47
Monday, October 08, 2018
Thursday, October 04, 2018
WELCOME TO SPOOKY SEASON
Weak sex. heh heh.
Missouri +1 I've turned on South Carolina.
Arkansas +35 hahaha why
LSU -2.5 mmmm seems wrong now that I typed it
Old Mist -22.5 deadline's comin up gotta say something about this game!!! gaah. I'm sweating bullets here!!! ack!! the clock is ticking so loud in my head its shakin my fillings, man!!! AAAAGGGHHHH. I'm just kidding about most of that, but I am about to leave work. hello future, I am typing this at 4:07!!! ok lets publish this bitch.
TAMU -5.5 Going to continue to doubt the cats until they change the name of their stadium. Kroger Field. c'mon man
Vandy +26.5 *goofy face emoji* I'm a dumb idiot *plummeting stocks emoji*
Mississippi State +3.5 this feels like the breaking point in one of those classic auburn disaster seasons. luckily I will be in a public place (Mexican bistro) as this unfolds.
Because it was so fun I'm going to do something fun again. I have $1205.65 (not real!) and I will responsibly hold back the traditional 69 cents "just in case."
1) $1,175.79 on those stinky Georgia bull dogs to win straight up at +5000. I stand to win $23.52.
2) $29.17 on those stinky Mississippi State bull dogs to win straight up at +145. I stand to win $42.30.
woof woof! those bull dogs are barking!
Missouri +1 I've turned on South Carolina.
Arkansas +35 hahaha why
LSU -2.5 mmmm seems wrong now that I typed it
Old Mist -22.5 deadline's comin up gotta say something about this game!!! gaah. I'm sweating bullets here!!! ack!! the clock is ticking so loud in my head its shakin my fillings, man!!! AAAAGGGHHHH. I'm just kidding about most of that, but I am about to leave work. hello future, I am typing this at 4:07!!! ok lets publish this bitch.
TAMU -5.5 Going to continue to doubt the cats until they change the name of their stadium. Kroger Field. c'mon man
Vandy +26.5 *goofy face emoji* I'm a dumb idiot *plummeting stocks emoji*
Mississippi State +3.5 this feels like the breaking point in one of those classic auburn disaster seasons. luckily I will be in a public place (Mexican bistro) as this unfolds.
Because it was so fun I'm going to do something fun again. I have $1205.65 (not real!) and I will responsibly hold back the traditional 69 cents "just in case."
1) $1,175.79 on those stinky Georgia bull dogs to win straight up at +5000. I stand to win $23.52.
2) $29.17 on those stinky Mississippi State bull dogs to win straight up at +145. I stand to win $42.30.
woof woof! those bull dogs are barking!
pumpkin spice season picks!
South Carolina (-1) seems right (3 tablespoons cinnamon)
Arkansas (+35) It looks like Arkansas is getting better? This is not a nice bookie game. (2 teaspoons ginger)
LSU (-2.5) I was real hopped up to take the under on this no matter what, but ~43 is so low! gonna do it anyway (2 teaspoons nutmeg)
Ole Miss (-22.5) sure (1.5 teaspoon allspice)
Kentucky (+5.5) I BELIEVE. WILDCATS (1.5 teaspoon cloves)
Vandy (+26.5) man I don't know (mix it up really nice)
Auburn (-3.5) I can't wait for Auburn to lose this game 6-4 (now you've got some pumpkin spice)
---------
"the nice bookie": $850.08 means betting at least $212.52.
$60 on LSU-Florida to go under $43.5
$110 on LSU straight up over Florida, to win $135
$20 on ULM-Old Mist to go under 76
$33 on Kentucky straight up over TAMU, to win $55.50
Arkansas (+35) It looks like Arkansas is getting better? This is not a nice bookie game. (2 teaspoons ginger)
LSU (-2.5) I was real hopped up to take the under on this no matter what, but ~43 is so low! gonna do it anyway (2 teaspoons nutmeg)
Ole Miss (-22.5) sure (1.5 teaspoon allspice)
Kentucky (+5.5) I BELIEVE. WILDCATS (1.5 teaspoon cloves)
Vandy (+26.5) man I don't know (mix it up really nice)
Auburn (-3.5) I can't wait for Auburn to lose this game 6-4 (now you've got some pumpkin spice)
---------
"the nice bookie": $850.08 means betting at least $212.52.
$60 on LSU-Florida to go under $43.5
$110 on LSU straight up over Florida, to win $135
$20 on ULM-Old Mist to go under 76
$33 on Kentucky straight up over TAMU, to win $55.50
Tuesday, October 02, 2018
week six take pix
A whiz in the sheets: 3-4 (18-23)
A dog dropping beats: 6-1 (24-17)
ack!
Missouri at South Carolina (-1)
Alabama (-35) at Arkansas
LSU (-2.5) at Florida
UL-Monroe at Ole Miss (-22.5)
Kentucky at TAMU (-5.5)
Vandy at Georgia (-26.5)
Auburn (-3.5) at Mississississippi State
ack! ack!
"the nice bookie":
future Biff: $1205.65
current Stiff: $850.08
A dog dropping beats: 6-1 (24-17)
ack!
Missouri at South Carolina (-1)
Alabama (-35) at Arkansas
LSU (-2.5) at Florida
UL-Monroe at Ole Miss (-22.5)
Kentucky at TAMU (-5.5)
Vandy at Georgia (-26.5)
Auburn (-3.5) at Mississississippi State
ack! ack!
"the nice bookie":
future Biff: $1205.65
current Stiff: $850.08
Friday, September 28, 2018
(angrily jumping out of my chair) What is this crap?
Them games is some nonsense.
UL-Lafayette (+49) who bets this line
Arkansas (+21) TAMU is a lot better than Arkansas, but this seems like a big line
Tennessee (+32) Georgia is a lot better than Tennessee, but this seems like a big line
Southern Miss (+27) Auburn is a lot better than Southern Miss, but this seems like a big line
Florida (+7.5) RIP Jefferson Pilot Sports
Kentucky (-2) It's pretty cool that this is the best game of the week
Old Mist (+12) picking a whole buncha dogs tonight
____
I got $836.44 for the nice bookie.
$100 on Southern Miss at Auburn to go under 53.5 points
$100 on Georgia-Tennessee to go over 52 points
$25 on LSU-Ole Miss to go over 59.5
UL-Lafayette (+49) who bets this line
Arkansas (+21) TAMU is a lot better than Arkansas, but this seems like a big line
Tennessee (+32) Georgia is a lot better than Tennessee, but this seems like a big line
Southern Miss (+27) Auburn is a lot better than Southern Miss, but this seems like a big line
Florida (+7.5) RIP Jefferson Pilot Sports
Kentucky (-2) It's pretty cool that this is the best game of the week
Old Mist (+12) picking a whole buncha dogs tonight
____
I got $836.44 for the nice bookie.
$100 on Southern Miss at Auburn to go under 53.5 points
$100 on Georgia-Tennessee to go over 52 points
$25 on LSU-Ole Miss to go over 59.5
Five for betting (like five for fighting?) sure. but wrong.
Siri show me a bunch of garbage
Alabama -49 This will probably be wrong, but then again maybe it won't. But it will.
Texas A&M -21 Man I don't know. This is also probably wrong. Whatever.
Tennessee +32 I keep doing this for some reason. Wrong.
Southern Miss +27 I also keep doing this (doubting Gus and the boys). Wrong.
Florida +7.5 This is the only one of which I'm confident. Which means it will be way wrong.
South Carolina +2 Gotta dance with the lady what WRONG
LSU -12 so wrong
I am going to spice things up:
1) $991.96 on... GEORGIA (straight up)!!! At -13500, I stand to win $7.35.
2) $55.58 on Florida (the Gators) straight up at +270. I stand to win $150.07.
Please note that if chalk holds and I win bet 1) but lose bet 2), my bankroll will be exactly $1000.00. Calculating the bets necessary to do that is the most rewarding thing I will do all year.
I elected not to stick with the Tide at -216000 which would have netted me 49 cents.
Alabama -49 This will probably be wrong, but then again maybe it won't. But it will.
Texas A&M -21 Man I don't know. This is also probably wrong. Whatever.
Tennessee +32 I keep doing this for some reason. Wrong.
Southern Miss +27 I also keep doing this (doubting Gus and the boys). Wrong.
Florida +7.5 This is the only one of which I'm confident. Which means it will be way wrong.
South Carolina +2 Gotta dance with the lady what WRONG
LSU -12 so wrong
I am going to spice things up:
1) $991.96 on... GEORGIA (straight up)!!! At -13500, I stand to win $7.35.
2) $55.58 on Florida (the Gators) straight up at +270. I stand to win $150.07.
Please note that if chalk holds and I win bet 1) but lose bet 2), my bankroll will be exactly $1000.00. Calculating the bets necessary to do that is the most rewarding thing I will do all year.
I elected not to stick with the Tide at -216000 which would have netted me 49 cents.
Tuesday, September 25, 2018
*In a piercing falsetto* Week Five
Thus begins "the separating..."
Charlie Football: 5-3 (18-16)
Captain Doofus: 3-5 (15-19)
So many points.
UL-Lafayette @ Alabama (-49)
Arkansas vs Texas A&M (-21)
Tennessee @ Georgia (-32)
Southern Miss @ Auburn (-27)
Florida @ Mississippi State (-7.5)
South Carolina @ Kentucky (-2)
Old Mist @ LSU (-12)
The "Nice Bookie"
Solid Gold Charles: $836.44
Sordid Mold Captain: $1048.23
Charlie Football: 5-3 (18-16)
Captain Doofus: 3-5 (15-19)
So many points.
UL-Lafayette @ Alabama (-49)
Arkansas vs Texas A&M (-21)
Tennessee @ Georgia (-32)
Southern Miss @ Auburn (-27)
Florida @ Mississippi State (-7.5)
South Carolina @ Kentucky (-2)
Old Mist @ LSU (-12)
The "Nice Bookie"
Solid Gold Charles: $836.44
Sordid Mold Captain: $1048.23
Thursday, September 20, 2018
five for betting (like five for fighting)
Georgia (-14.5) So far, picking a bad outcome would be a good betting strategy for me.
Kent State (+29) Kent State's pretty bad but this is a real big line. As we've discussed, who knows what to do with a line like this?
TAMU (+26) idiot
South Carolina (-2) sure
Mississississippi State (-9.5) This line seems a little bit low to me, but what do I know. nothing.
Tennessee (+4.5) I am officially predicting Florida to win but not cover.
La Tech (+21) Hangover, also LSU plays that grind it out grind it out offense
Auburn (-30) idiot
________
"the nice bookie"
$740.94 means I am betting at least $185.24. The bets have not been kind to me. I still like my strategy, except it's just wrong and dumb.
$11 on TAMU to win straight up, to win $300
$22 on Georgia-Missouri to go over 64.5
$33 on Louisiana Tech to cover (+21) against LSU
$44 on Florida-Tennessee to go over 46.5
$97.50 on Georgia to win straight up, to win $16.50.
Kent State (+29) Kent State's pretty bad but this is a real big line. As we've discussed, who knows what to do with a line like this?
TAMU (+26) idiot
South Carolina (-2) sure
Mississississippi State (-9.5) This line seems a little bit low to me, but what do I know. nothing.
Tennessee (+4.5) I am officially predicting Florida to win but not cover.
La Tech (+21) Hangover, also LSU plays that grind it out grind it out offense
Auburn (-30) idiot
________
"the nice bookie"
$740.94 means I am betting at least $185.24. The bets have not been kind to me. I still like my strategy, except it's just wrong and dumb.
$11 on TAMU to win straight up, to win $300
$22 on Georgia-Missouri to go over 64.5
$33 on Louisiana Tech to cover (+21) against LSU
$44 on Florida-Tennessee to go over 46.5
$97.50 on Georgia to win straight up, to win $16.50.
dont turn around oh ooohhh Der Kapitan's in town ohh ooooohhh
GAH i forgot to publish!!! ack!
Georgia -14.5 Georgia won at South Carolina by more than this and Missouri almost lost to Purdue.
Old Mist -29 Kent read, Kent write, Kent get enough of your love baby.
Alabama -26 Oh no.
South Carolina -2 This will be wrong but South Carolina is my lucky totem.
Kentucky +9.5 Welcome to Kroger Field: Home of the Kentucky Wildcats.
Tennessee +4.5 Really think Tennessee is about to turn the corner.
La Tech +21 This seems like the kind of game in which LSU screws around, especially in a season they beat Auburn. Also LSU will lose to Alabama by 5 touchdowns.
Arkansas +30 guh
moneymoney moooney... mooooooonneey:
The real bookies are on to me. The best I can get is -4000 on THE TIDE. So, $1021.99 of my $1022.68 on THE TIDE at -4000 it is. I stand to win a cool $25.55.
Georgia -14.5 Georgia won at South Carolina by more than this and Missouri almost lost to Purdue.
Old Mist -29 Kent read, Kent write, Kent get enough of your love baby.
Alabama -26 Oh no.
South Carolina -2 This will be wrong but South Carolina is my lucky totem.
Kentucky +9.5 Welcome to Kroger Field: Home of the Kentucky Wildcats.
Tennessee +4.5 Really think Tennessee is about to turn the corner.
La Tech +21 This seems like the kind of game in which LSU screws around, especially in a season they beat Auburn. Also LSU will lose to Alabama by 5 touchdowns.
Arkansas +30 guh
moneymoney moooney... mooooooonneey:
The real bookies are on to me. The best I can get is -4000 on THE TIDE. So, $1021.99 of my $1022.68 on THE TIDE at -4000 it is. I stand to win a cool $25.55.
Tuesday, September 18, 2018
week for fun
Future president: 4-6 (12-14)
Future precedent: 5-5 (13-13)
This week's contests are mostly big lines but some interesting games:
Georgia (-14.5) at Missouri
Kent State at Old Mist (-29)
TAMU at Alabama (-26)
South Carolina (-2) at Vandy
Mississississippi State (-9.5) at Kentucky
Florida (-4.5) at Tennessee (Tennessee)
La Tech at LSU (-21)
Arkansas at Auburn (-30)
________
"the nice bookie"
Rich man: $1022.68
Poor man: $740.94
Future precedent: 5-5 (13-13)
This week's contests are mostly big lines but some interesting games:
Georgia (-14.5) at Missouri
Kent State at Old Mist (-29)
TAMU at Alabama (-26)
South Carolina (-2) at Vandy
Mississississippi State (-9.5) at Kentucky
Florida (-4.5) at Tennessee (Tennessee)
La Tech at LSU (-21)
Arkansas at Auburn (-30)
________
"the nice bookie"
Rich man: $1022.68
Poor man: $740.94
Thursday, September 13, 2018
week three's the story of the hurricane
Which made them cancel the SC game
It was a game that's kind of dumb
but least Marshall didn't get on
an aeroooooplaaaane
Lots of picks!
Tennessee (-30) sure
Vanderbilt (+14.5) This is a big line that's solely so big because of the names of the teams, right?
LSU (+9.5) Auburn winning but not covering seems most likely here. The over-under on this game is so low, and that throws off my strategy for the bets below.
Florida (-20.5) lmao
Arkansas (-7) like Florida, lmao. Also, I think (without evidence) good teams who get upset are more likely to get mad at the next home game.
Alabama (-21) sick
Georgia (-32.5) now here's a game I hate
UL-Lafayette (-33.5) seems like a big line
UL-Monroe (+26.5) hangover effect
Missouri (-7) I feel like in 1999 I would have had very strong feelings about this game
_______
Cash money homies. Betting from $883.42, so betting at least $220.86.
$11 on Old Mist straight up, to win $120
$51.25 on Auburn straight up, to win $13.75
$55 on Purdue straight up, to win $102.50
$22.50 on Vanderbilt straight up, to win $175
$30 on Vanderbilt to cover +14.5
$30 UTEP-Tennessee to go over 47.5 points
It was a game that's kind of dumb
but least Marshall didn't get on
an aeroooooplaaaane
Lots of picks!
Tennessee (-30) sure
Vanderbilt (+14.5) This is a big line that's solely so big because of the names of the teams, right?
LSU (+9.5) Auburn winning but not covering seems most likely here. The over-under on this game is so low, and that throws off my strategy for the bets below.
Florida (-20.5) lmao
Arkansas (-7) like Florida, lmao. Also, I think (without evidence) good teams who get upset are more likely to get mad at the next home game.
Alabama (-21) sick
Georgia (-32.5) now here's a game I hate
UL-Lafayette (-33.5) seems like a big line
UL-Monroe (+26.5) hangover effect
Missouri (-7) I feel like in 1999 I would have had very strong feelings about this game
_______
Cash money homies. Betting from $883.42, so betting at least $220.86.
$11 on Old Mist straight up, to win $120
$51.25 on Auburn straight up, to win $13.75
$55 on Purdue straight up, to win $102.50
$22.50 on Vanderbilt straight up, to win $175
$30 on Vanderbilt to cover +14.5
$30 UTEP-Tennessee to go over 47.5 points
Third Week from the Sun
Looking forward to going 0-11.
Tennessee -30 Seem like UTEP is really bad? A lot of points there, but Tennessee will want to put on a good show for their fans.
Notre Dame -14.5 I think Brian is a funny name for a man who wishes to be taken seriously. But I think Brian's boys will get it done.
LSU +9.5 Puhhh-leeeease.
Florida -20.5 Bounceback. Gators got a little something for 'em.
Arkansas -7 Bounceback. Hogs got a little something for 'em.
Alabama -21 All I got to say is I got nothing to say.
MTSU +32.5 I have no idea what to do with the four 26-plus point games (Tenn, MissSt, UGA, and TAMU). Pretty much just decided I needed two dogs and two faves and then just went wild.
UL-Lafayette +33.5 Yeah.
Texas A&M -26.5 Sure.
Missouri -7 Hardest game to pick because it seems like the line should be higher? Like someone is trying to trick me. I'm to smart for that.
Marshall +13.5 If this wasn't such a fiercely contested and eagerly anticipated rivalry game, I might almost expect them to just cancel the damn thing. If they do play, there might not be 14 total points scored. UPDATE: OK. They canceled it.
Time to toss some paper:
I am, of course, betting $936.82 (squirreling away 69 cents to have next time just in case) on the very famous football team the Tide to beat Old Mist at -1100. I stand to win $85.17.
Tennessee -30 Seem like UTEP is really bad? A lot of points there, but Tennessee will want to put on a good show for their fans.
Notre Dame -14.5 I think Brian is a funny name for a man who wishes to be taken seriously. But I think Brian's boys will get it done.
LSU +9.5 Puhhh-leeeease.
Florida -20.5 Bounceback. Gators got a little something for 'em.
Arkansas -7 Bounceback. Hogs got a little something for 'em.
Alabama -21 All I got to say is I got nothing to say.
MTSU +32.5 I have no idea what to do with the four 26-plus point games (Tenn, MissSt, UGA, and TAMU). Pretty much just decided I needed two dogs and two faves and then just went wild.
UL-Lafayette +33.5 Yeah.
Texas A&M -26.5 Sure.
Missouri -7 Hardest game to pick because it seems like the line should be higher? Like someone is trying to trick me. I'm to smart for that.
Marshall +13.5 If this wasn't such a fiercely contested and eagerly anticipated rivalry game, I might almost expect them to just cancel the damn thing. If they do play, there might not be 14 total points scored. UPDATE: OK. They canceled it.
Time to toss some paper:
I am, of course, betting $936.82 (squirreling away 69 cents to have next time just in case) on the very famous football team the Tide to beat Old Mist at -1100. I stand to win $85.17.
Tuesday, September 11, 2018
week 3(E)
In lock-step once again:
The mensch Charles: 3-5 (8-8)
The wench Wes: 3-5 (8-8)
"The Nice Bookie:"
C: $883.42 ($220.86)
Tha C: $937.51 ($234.38)
The number in parentheses is of course what you have to wager this week. you will notice that my number is larger than yours. that's because I have more money than you.
FUN FACT: This is the most valid games we've had in any weekend that wasn't the first weekend of a season.
NOT FUN FACT: the forecast for that south Carolina game is rain, I would guess.
UTEP @ Tennessee (-30)
Vanderbilt @ Notre Dang (-14.5)
LSU @ Auburn (-9.5)
Colorado St. @ Florida (-20.5)
North Texas @ Arkansas (-7)
Alabama (-21) @ Old Mist
MTSU @ Georgia (-32.5)
UL-Lafayette @ Mississippi St. (-33.5)
UL-Monroe @ Texas A&M (-26.5)
Missouri (-7) @ Purdue
Marshall @ South Carolina (-13.5)
The mensch Charles: 3-5 (8-8)
The wench Wes: 3-5 (8-8)
"The Nice Bookie:"
C: $883.42 ($220.86)
Tha C: $937.51 ($234.38)
The number in parentheses is of course what you have to wager this week. you will notice that my number is larger than yours. that's because I have more money than you.
UTEP @ Tennessee (-30)
Vanderbilt @ Notre Dang (-14.5)
LSU @ Auburn (-9.5)
Colorado St. @ Florida (-20.5)
North Texas @ Arkansas (-7)
Alabama (-21) @ Old Mist
MTSU @ Georgia (-32.5)
UL-Lafayette @ Mississippi St. (-33.5)
UL-Monroe @ Texas A&M (-26.5)
Missouri (-7) @ Purdue
Thursday, September 06, 2018
werk twerk
Mississippi State (-9.5) not confident about that
Vanderbilt (-9) also not confident
Arkansas State (+36.5) idiot
Georgia (-10) going with what would be worse
Wyoming (+17) another tight one
Clemson (-12.5) statement game
Arkansas (-13) book it
Florida (-14) several favorites this week, seems like that's a mistake
MONEY THING
I have $940.91 and so have to bet at least $235.23. These odds come from Bovada as of 3:00pmish. Going to try to climb back up gradually in a week I don't see a lot of sure bets.
I'll bet $110 on Florida to beat Kentucky, to win $21
I'll bet $90 on Clemson to beat TAMU to win $22
I'll bet $40 on Georgia beating South Carolina, to win $11.50
I'll bet $10 on Mississippi State vs. Kansas to go under 54 points
I'll bet $10.91 on Missouri-Wyoming to go over 52 points
Vanderbilt (-9) also not confident
Arkansas State (+36.5) idiot
Georgia (-10) going with what would be worse
Wyoming (+17) another tight one
Clemson (-12.5) statement game
Arkansas (-13) book it
Florida (-14) several favorites this week, seems like that's a mistake
MONEY THING
I have $940.91 and so have to bet at least $235.23. These odds come from Bovada as of 3:00pmish. Going to try to climb back up gradually in a week I don't see a lot of sure bets.
I'll bet $110 on Florida to beat Kentucky, to win $21
I'll bet $90 on Clemson to beat TAMU to win $22
I'll bet $40 on Georgia beating South Carolina, to win $11.50
I'll bet $10 on Mississippi State vs. Kansas to go under 54 points
I'll bet $10.91 on Missouri-Wyoming to go over 52 points
WEEK TWO: In honor of space mountain, i'm going to call this "space weekend"
space mountain is crazy I bet. roller coaster in the dark. wouldn't do that, myself. but, man. sounds crazy! that's kind of what picking all these great matchups is like for me!
Kansas State +9.5 Space Mountain Fact: space mountain was built in 1943.
Vanderbilt -9 Space Mountain Fact: space mountain is property of the Disney corp.
Alabama -36.5 Space Mountain Fact: space mountain is the darkest roller coaster in the world.
South Carolina +10 Space Mountain Fact: the first president to ride space mountain was ike Eisenhower.
Wyoming +17 Space Mountain Fact: 4 people have died in space mountain.
Clemson -12.5 Space Mountain Fact: space mountain is not actually in space, but rather it is at Disney.
Arkansas -13 Space Mountain Fact: no food or drinks are allowed on space mountain.
Kentucky +14 Space Mountain Fact: space mountain goes 100 miles per hour.
the wager of sin is death:
I am betting all $934.50 on Alabama to win straight up at -31050. I stand to win $3.01. This is the only way I will not lose money this weekend.
WELCOME TO SPACE WEEKEND
Kansas State +9.5 Space Mountain Fact: space mountain was built in 1943.
Vanderbilt -9 Space Mountain Fact: space mountain is property of the Disney corp.
Alabama -36.5 Space Mountain Fact: space mountain is the darkest roller coaster in the world.
South Carolina +10 Space Mountain Fact: the first president to ride space mountain was ike Eisenhower.
Wyoming +17 Space Mountain Fact: 4 people have died in space mountain.
Clemson -12.5 Space Mountain Fact: space mountain is not actually in space, but rather it is at Disney.
Arkansas -13 Space Mountain Fact: no food or drinks are allowed on space mountain.
Kentucky +14 Space Mountain Fact: space mountain goes 100 miles per hour.
the wager of sin is death:
I am betting all $934.50 on Alabama to win straight up at -31050. I stand to win $3.01. This is the only way I will not lose money this weekend.
WELCOME TO SPACE WEEKEND
Tuesday, September 04, 2018
it's already exhausting
Chap Smear: 5-3 (5-3)
Caps Cheer: 5-3 (5-3)
This could be an interesting week, although I don't think it will be.
Mississippi State (-9.5) at Kansas State
Nevada at Vanderbilt (-9)
Arkansas State at Alabama (-36.5)
Georgia (-10) at South Carolina
Wyoming at Missouri (-17)
Clemson (12.5) at TAMU
Arkansas (-13) at Colorado State for some reason
Kentucky at Florida (-14)
The lineless: Auburn, Old Mist, LSU, Tennessee
"the nice bookie":
me: $940.91
you: $934.50
Caps Cheer: 5-3 (5-3)
This could be an interesting week, although I don't think it will be.
Mississippi State (-9.5) at Kansas State
Nevada at Vanderbilt (-9)
Arkansas State at Alabama (-36.5)
Georgia (-10) at South Carolina
Wyoming at Missouri (-17)
Clemson (12.5) at TAMU
Arkansas (-13) at Colorado State for some reason
Kentucky at Florida (-14)
The lineless: Auburn, Old Mist, LSU, Tennessee
"the nice bookie":
me: $940.91
you: $934.50
Thursday, August 30, 2018
well let's get to it
Coastal Carolina (+29.5) Hard to guess it. I have to imagine South Carolina is looking ahead, right? But Will Muschamp wants to look spread-y. Hard. This is a game where, writing it right now, I feel like I am going to go back and change it tomorrow. (update: I did)
Old Mist (+2.5) I think this line is pro-Texas Tech because people think TTU is close to Houston, when really it's literally thousands of miles away.
Auburn (-1.5) I'm a fool.
West Virginia (-10) NEERS
Central Michigan (+17) I guess?
Vanderbilt (-2.5) Just thinking about betting this game makes me feel like a degenerate gambler.
Louisville (+24.5) This will not be a pretty football game. 35-13, exactly not covering the spread.
Miami (-3.5) I am tired of neutral-site games. I guess this is closer to LSU, but I don't think LSU is that good. LSU has more talent but I think worse coaching, which makes this tough. I kind of worry Miami will win but not cover, some 26-24 nonsense.
---NEW THING---
All of my bets this season will be based on odds recorded on my TheScore app.
My bets: Louisville-Alabama will go under 62.5 points ($150)
Washington-Auburn will go under 48.5 points ($100)
Old Mist (+2.5) I think this line is pro-Texas Tech because people think TTU is close to Houston, when really it's literally thousands of miles away.
Auburn (-1.5) I'm a fool.
West Virginia (-10) NEERS
Central Michigan (+17) I guess?
Vanderbilt (-2.5) Just thinking about betting this game makes me feel like a degenerate gambler.
Louisville (+24.5) This will not be a pretty football game. 35-13, exactly not covering the spread.
Miami (-3.5) I am tired of neutral-site games. I guess this is closer to LSU, but I don't think LSU is that good. LSU has more talent but I think worse coaching, which makes this tough. I kind of worry Miami will win but not cover, some 26-24 nonsense.
---NEW THING---
All of my bets this season will be based on odds recorded on my TheScore app.
My bets: Louisville-Alabama will go under 62.5 points ($150)
Washington-Auburn will go under 48.5 points ($100)
Can you believe its 2018 and there are still only 2 people competing in this thing
Before reading these, imagine me doing the thing where LeBron throws chalk up in the air before a game but it mostly just gets in my face and I'm sneezing for half an hour. Also I have the body of a horse and the head of a lion.
south Carolina -29.5 south Carolina was my top performer last year so this year I'm going to keep "riding the cocks." Computer erase that. ah, crap
old mist +2.5 the rebs will want to go a good job for their fans
Kentucky -17 Kentucky's stadium is called Kroger field.
Washington +1.5 I am so confident that I intentionally used the 1.5 point line instead of the more common 2.5. "We don't need any stinking points" - Washington
Tennessee +10 why is it in charlotte
Vanderbilt -2.5 Remember when Vanderbilt played Alabama last year and gameday was maybe there and then Alabama won like 40-0
BAM -24.5 Alabama has been a 12 and a 7 point favorite and covered the last two years against ultimately disappointing USC and Flo-Rida State teams. What does that tell me about this large point spread? Nothing; I refuse to learn anything new.
LSU +3.5 yo yo yo yo yooo yo yoooo yo brent Schaefer
ok here are my wagers.
$100 on Tennessee to win straight up (+300, I stand to win $300)
$100 on Washington to win straight up (+110, I stand to win $110)
$110 on under 48.5 points in Auburn/Washington (-110, I stand to win $100)
And last but not least, I wager my final $690 on Alabama to win straight up (-2000, I stand to win $34.50)
south Carolina -29.5 south Carolina was my top performer last year so this year I'm going to keep "riding the cocks." Computer erase that. ah, crap
old mist +2.5 the rebs will want to go a good job for their fans
Kentucky -17 Kentucky's stadium is called Kroger field.
Washington +1.5 I am so confident that I intentionally used the 1.5 point line instead of the more common 2.5. "We don't need any stinking points" - Washington
Tennessee +10 why is it in charlotte
Vanderbilt -2.5 Remember when Vanderbilt played Alabama last year and gameday was maybe there and then Alabama won like 40-0
BAM -24.5 Alabama has been a 12 and a 7 point favorite and covered the last two years against ultimately disappointing USC and Flo-Rida State teams. What does that tell me about this large point spread? Nothing; I refuse to learn anything new.
LSU +3.5 yo yo yo yo yooo yo yoooo yo brent Schaefer
ok here are my wagers.
$100 on Tennessee to win straight up (+300, I stand to win $300)
$100 on Washington to win straight up (+110, I stand to win $110)
$110 on under 48.5 points in Auburn/Washington (-110, I stand to win $100)
And last but not least, I wager my final $690 on Alabama to win straight up (-2000, I stand to win $34.50)
Wednesday, August 29, 2018
Wow. You can really tell I didn't feel like posting that last night.
But I wanted it out there. I wanted you to have plenty of time to plan.
Stuff I should have put in the post last night:
History:
2016:
Chard: 50-45-2, 51.55%
Tha Cab: 44-51-2, 45.36%
20-21-1 on agreed results.
30-24-1 to you on polite disagreements.
2017:
Chuckamauga: 49-46-3, 50%
Capybara: 45-50-3, 45.92%
28-29-1 when our minds were in sync.
21-17-2 in your favor when our friendship was on the brink.
I guess usually the picks should be in on Thursday afternoons at 5.
Stuff I should have put in the post last night:
History:
2016:
Chard: 50-45-2, 51.55%
Tha Cab: 44-51-2, 45.36%
20-21-1 on agreed results.
30-24-1 to you on polite disagreements.
2017:
Chuckamauga: 49-46-3, 50%
Capybara: 45-50-3, 45.92%
28-29-1 when our minds were in sync.
21-17-2 in your favor when our friendship was on the brink.
I guess usually the picks should be in on Thursday afternoons at 5.
Tuesday, August 28, 2018
Wow, time for football and picks
These... are football games.
Coastal Carolina @ South Carolina (-29.5)
Old Mist vs Texas Tech (-2.5) @ Houston, TX
Washington vs Auburn (-1.5) @ Atlanta, GA
Tennessee vs West Virginia (-10) @ Charlotte, NC
Central Michigan @ Kentucky (-17)
Middle Tennessee @ Vanderbilt (-2.5)
Louisville vs Alabama (-24.5) @ Orlando, FL
Miami (-3.5) vs LSU @ Arlington, TX
You pick all those games ATS. Also, you have $1000. You have to wager at least 25% or $250. You can bet it however you want. I don't care. My dogs don't care. As long as it's a real bet you can place at a real sportsbook or casino or whatever. I don't know how bets work so this will be a disaster.
Coastal Carolina @ South Carolina (-29.5)
Old Mist vs Texas Tech (-2.5) @ Houston, TX
Washington vs Auburn (-1.5) @ Atlanta, GA
Tennessee vs West Virginia (-10) @ Charlotte, NC
Central Michigan @ Kentucky (-17)
Middle Tennessee @ Vanderbilt (-2.5)
Louisville vs Alabama (-24.5) @ Orlando, FL
Miami (-3.5) vs LSU @ Arlington, TX
You pick all those games ATS. Also, you have $1000. You have to wager at least 25% or $250. You can bet it however you want. I don't care. My dogs don't care. As long as it's a real bet you can place at a real sportsbook or casino or whatever. I don't know how bets work so this will be a disaster.
Thursday, August 23, 2018
Thursday, August 09, 2018
Thursday, August 02, 2018
Tuesday, July 17, 2018
Wednesday, July 04, 2018
Saturday, June 30, 2018
Sunday, June 17, 2018
Monday, June 11, 2018
Saturday, June 09, 2018
Wednesday, June 06, 2018
Saturday, May 19, 2018
Thursday, May 17, 2018
rebel just for kicks should be the name of this song
I really dig the way this nerd dresses in this video, but what kind of name is this band doing. what is this.
Sunday, April 29, 2018
Tuesday, April 17, 2018
Sunday, April 08, 2018
Monday, March 12, 2018
Saturday, February 10, 2018
Friday, February 02, 2018
Tuesday, January 16, 2018
Thursday, January 11, 2018
Wednesday, January 10, 2018
Tuesday, January 02, 2018
The End!
Let's try not to let all the awfulness of yesterday obscure how close and fun this was. That being said, this picture seems appropriate.
For the second straight year, you set the record for highest win % (W/L portion) in a losing effort.
For the second straight year, you set the record for highest win % (W/L portion) in a losing effort.
Sunday, December 31, 2017
Special "The Wolves are at the Door" Edition 3E Bowl Pick Them Scoreboard
Look wise guy, I know it isn't Tool Man but it came up when I searched for "Home Improvement" and I like it.
Pretty exciting stuff we have here. Real edge of your seat action.
Of the remaining 32 possible outcomes:
I need Michigan and UCF to win. If Notre Dame also wins, it doesn't matter what happens in the playoff games. If LSU wins, I need Alabama to win and it doesn't matter what happens in UGA/OK. So:
1. Michigan, UCF, Notre Dame
-OR-
2. Michigan, UCF, LSU, Alabama
Other than UCF, those don't seem particularly far-fetched, do they? See you tomorrow!
Pretty exciting stuff we have here. Real edge of your seat action.
Of the remaining 32 possible outcomes:
- 16 where Auburn wins and you win both portions of the pick them. This is so boring I don't want to waste another precious second thinking about it.
- 16 where the the Peach goes to the scrappy underdog from the largest university in the country which is located in the middle of the country's richest recruiting ground. I would win the W/L portion for the second straight year. Something I never thought would happen again. I will cry and my wife and dogs will be confused.
- 10 outcomes where you still win the confidence portion, creating a split title and throwing our entire relationship into chaos.
- 6 outcomes where I win the confidence portion. The winners in these scenarios are as follows:
- Michigan, UCF, Notre Dame, Georgia, Alabama
- Michigan, UCF, Notre Dame, Georgia, Clemson
- Michigan, UCF, Notre Dame, Oklahoma, Alabama
- Michigan, UCF, Notre Dame, Oklahoma, Clemson
- Michigan, UCF, LSU, Georgia, Alabama
- Michigan, UCF, LSU, Oklahoma, Alabama
I need Michigan and UCF to win. If Notre Dame also wins, it doesn't matter what happens in the playoff games. If LSU wins, I need Alabama to win and it doesn't matter what happens in UGA/OK. So:
1. Michigan, UCF, Notre Dame
-OR-
2. Michigan, UCF, LSU, Alabama
Other than UCF, those don't seem particularly far-fetched, do they? See you tomorrow!
Saturday, December 30, 2017
Special "Route of Boll Weevil" Edition 3E Bowl Pick Them Score Board
Yowza, this is one hot tamale.
I hope Auburn in a BCS (or whatever) game deciding the pick them (at least the W/L portion) will continue to be an annual event (thus becoming a yearly tradition).
There are several ways for you to wrap up the points portion before we even get to the Peach Bowl. I'm sure you're aware I'll keep you updated in a more private way.
Like I mentioned, the 512 possible outcomes (obviously not all equally likely) of the last 9 games break down as follows:
I hope Auburn in a BCS (or whatever) game deciding the pick them (at least the W/L portion) will continue to be an annual event (thus becoming a yearly tradition).
There are several ways for you to wrap up the points portion before we even get to the Peach Bowl. I'm sure you're aware I'll keep you updated in a more private way.
Like I mentioned, the 512 possible outcomes (obviously not all equally likely) of the last 9 games break down as follows:
- 256 outcomes where Awbarn wins the Peach Bowl. In this case you win both portions.
- 256 outcomes where Now UCF Now UDon't wins. In this case, I win the W/L portion. The points result further breaks down thusly:
- 142 outcomes where you maintain the points win, created the dreaded split title.
- 106 outcomes where I win the points portion as well. This is know as you got owned, bitch
- 8 outcomes where the points end up tied. I imagine this would be something like the "Helvetica Scenario" from that Look Around You Calcium video. I'm not linking to it I don't know how.
Friday, December 29, 2017
Special "Hot Al" Edition 3E Bowl Pick Them Score Board
Well, the W/L portion is pretty clear cut. You can wrap that up today if Utah St. wins.
TCU's rally makes the points pretty well shaded towards you. However, you can't quite clinch that portion today. Which is good because I know I will actually have a use for my catalog of all 512 ways the last two days can go.
Obviously, the Peach Bowl is very important (especially if NMSU wins today and the W/L portion hinges on it). However, there are ways for either of us to win the points without winning the Peach. They're pretty narrow paths but they're there right now. Those paths could disappear today, we'll just have to wait and see. And I like waiting... but I LOVE seeing.
Well anyway, chat at you later.
TCU's rally makes the points pretty well shaded towards you. However, you can't quite clinch that portion today. Which is good because I know I will actually have a use for my catalog of all 512 ways the last two days can go.
Obviously, the Peach Bowl is very important (especially if NMSU wins today and the W/L portion hinges on it). However, there are ways for either of us to win the points without winning the Peach. They're pretty narrow paths but they're there right now. Those paths could disappear today, we'll just have to wait and see. And I like waiting... but I LOVE seeing.
Well anyway, chat at you later.
Thursday, December 28, 2017
Special "The Blazing Guns of Navarone" Edition 3E Bowl Pick Them Score Board
Howdy Pardners! Ha ha trying out a cowboy thing. Done now.
Hey Tool Man you bitch how does it feel to have your face covered up bitch
Hey Tool Man you bitch how does it feel to have your face covered up bitch
Wednesday, December 27, 2017
Special "I'm wearing a new shirt today" Edition 3E Bowl Pick Them 2017 Score Board
MMMM. Very close so far. But it could get out of hand over the next couple of days. Stay tuned!
Friday, December 22, 2017
Special "always keep a thesaurus handy" Edition BOWL PICK THEM 2017 Scoreboard
Going into the holiday weekend, today's scoreboard features Tool Man's three dreadful sons: Mark, the craven friend of Dorothy; Randy, the wretched losenger; and Brad, the cittern-head fopdoodle.
My laptop doesn't have Jokerman font like my workputer does. Luckily, I outlined the 'board today before I came home.
You should know what all these numbers mean. I can't help you if you don't.
I'm just kidding; I'm here to help.
Record (CRISIS Record)
Points/Wagered Points, Percentage of wagered points won
Maintain current %, 50% of remaining points, 66% of remaining points, 100% of remaining points
Largest possible points victory, margin
My laptop doesn't have Jokerman font like my workputer does. Luckily, I outlined the 'board today before I came home.
You should know what all these numbers mean. I can't help you if you don't.
I'm just kidding; I'm here to help.
Record (CRISIS Record)
Points/Wagered Points, Percentage of wagered points won
Maintain current %, 50% of remaining points, 66% of remaining points, 100% of remaining points
Largest possible points victory, margin
Monday, December 18, 2017
Bowl Pick Them Scoreboard Special "Here's the first scoreboard" Edition
I am going to keep using the Jokerman font regardless of how illegible it might become. I (much like Tool Man himself) know the meaning of commitment.
Pretty close, eh?!!?!
The last line of numbers is your final confidence score if you:
maintain your current %, get 50% of remaining points, get 75% of remaining points, get all remaining points
I might add this to the 'board in the future:
Largest possible confidence point victory:
C: 545-315, 230 point margin
tha C: 503-277, 226 point margin
Pretty close, eh?!!?!
The last line of numbers is your final confidence score if you:
maintain your current %, get 50% of remaining points, get 75% of remaining points, get all remaining points
I might add this to the 'board in the future:
Largest possible confidence point victory:
C: 545-315, 230 point margin
tha C: 503-277, 226 point margin
Thursday, December 14, 2017
*to the tune of the spiderman song* CRISIS games / CRISIS games
Charles Pick (confidence) / Wes Pick (confidence) ; total confidence point swing at stake
Saturday, December 16:
Cure Bowl: Georgia St. (1) / Western Kentucky (21) ; 22
Las Vegas Bowl: Oregon (7) / Boise St. (12) ; 19
Friday, December 22:
Potato Bowl: Wyoming (17) / Central Michigan (2) ; 19
Tuesday, December 26:
Heart of Dallas Bowl: West Virginia (10) / Utah (25) ; 35
Wednesday, December 27:
Foster Farms Bowl: Purdue (12) / Arizona (13) ; 25
Texas Bowl: Missouri (18) / Texas (11) ; 29
Thursday, December 28:
Military Bowl: Navy (4) / Virginia (6) ; 10
Camping World Bowl: Oklahoma St. (36) / Virginia Tech (16) ; 52
Holiday Bowl: Washington St. (16) / Michigan St. (18) ; 34
Friday, December 29:
Arizona Bowl: Utah St. (5) / New Mexico St. (9) ; 14
Monday, January 1:
Peach Bowl: Auburn (27) / UCF (5) ; 32
Also too, here are the most critical non-CRISIS games. That is, those games where one of us stands to gain significantly more confidence points than the other. I've listed our shared pick as well as who stands to gain more points (and how many).
Independence Bowl: Florida St. ; Wes +23
Bahamas Bowl: Ohio ; Wes +20
Hawaii Bowl: Fresno St. ; Charles +15
Pinstripe Bowl: Iowa ; Charles +15
Alamo Bowl: TCU ; Charles +15
Birmingham Bowl: USF ; Charles +14
Saturday, December 16:
Cure Bowl: Georgia St. (1) / Western Kentucky (21) ; 22
Las Vegas Bowl: Oregon (7) / Boise St. (12) ; 19
Friday, December 22:
Potato Bowl: Wyoming (17) / Central Michigan (2) ; 19
Tuesday, December 26:
Heart of Dallas Bowl: West Virginia (10) / Utah (25) ; 35
Wednesday, December 27:
Foster Farms Bowl: Purdue (12) / Arizona (13) ; 25
Texas Bowl: Missouri (18) / Texas (11) ; 29
Thursday, December 28:
Military Bowl: Navy (4) / Virginia (6) ; 10
Camping World Bowl: Oklahoma St. (36) / Virginia Tech (16) ; 52
Holiday Bowl: Washington St. (16) / Michigan St. (18) ; 34
Friday, December 29:
Arizona Bowl: Utah St. (5) / New Mexico St. (9) ; 14
Monday, January 1:
Peach Bowl: Auburn (27) / UCF (5) ; 32
Also too, here are the most critical non-CRISIS games. That is, those games where one of us stands to gain significantly more confidence points than the other. I've listed our shared pick as well as who stands to gain more points (and how many).
Independence Bowl: Florida St. ; Wes +23
Bahamas Bowl: Ohio ; Wes +20
Hawaii Bowl: Fresno St. ; Charles +15
Pinstripe Bowl: Iowa ; Charles +15
Alamo Bowl: TCU ; Charles +15
Birmingham Bowl: USF ; Charles +14
Wednesday, December 13, 2017
C .... C picks .... C picks some .... C picks some .... C picks some bowls .... C picks some bowls .... C picks some bowls und ich hab nichts gesagt
The theme of this year's Bowl Pick Them is that there are 39 contests between collegiate football teams.
New Orleans Bowl:
Troy v North Texas
My pick: TROY 30
The state of Alabama has a University of North Alabama, a University of South Alabama, and a University of West Alabama, but no University of East Alabama. Good luck men of Troy
Cure Bowl:
Western Kentucky v Georgia St.
My pick: GEORGIA STATE 1
Your guess, she is as good as mine.
Las Vegas Bowl:
Boise St. v Oregon
My pick: OREGON 7
The first day of bowl season is a real knock-out. I don't mean to be blount, but it packs a punch.
New Mexico Bowl:
Marshall v Colorado St.
My pick: COLORADO STATE 21
(like at a basketball game or something where we're cheering stuff wes likes): brad. lee. van. pelt. clap clap clap clap clap
Camellia Bowl:
Middle Tennessee v Arkansas St.
My pick: ARKANSAS ST 31
No state is better prepared to have a Middle StateName University than is the great state of Tennessee. Apparently everyone in Arkansas except Arkansas State changed coaches this year.
Boca Raton Bowl:
Akron v FAU
My pick: FAU 39
I don't know or care anything about these teams or the Cheribundi Tart Cherry Boca Raton Bowl, but the bookies say this is the surest thing.
Frisco Bowl:
Louisiana Tech v SMU
My pick: SMU 11
I though I liked La Tech to win since Morris is leaving SMU. But I decided I like SMU to win because they want to impress their new coach. This is not terribly coherent.
Gasparilla Bowl:
Temple v FIU
My pick: FIU 3
Bad Boy Mowers Gasparilla Bowl. Bad Boy Mowers Gasparilla Bowl. Bad Boy Mowers Gasparilla Bowl. Bad Boy Mowers Gasparilla Bowl. Bad Boy Mowers Gasparilla Bowl. Bad Boy Mowers Gasparilla Bowl.
Bahamas Bowl:
Ohio v UAB
My pick: OHIO 6
I was going to assert that Alabama is the most over-represented state by population in bowl season, but there's nobody in Wyoming so I am pretty sure they would win. Anyway, way to go UAB. Bahamas!
Potato Bowl:
Central Michigan v Wyoming
My pick: WYOMING 17
It's fun to say POE TAY TOE like a moron.
Birmingham Bowl:
Texas Tech v USF
My pick: YOU GOT IT ALL ON USF 34
South Florida had to cancel one game and postpone another! What are the odds, you ask? Pretty good, apparently.
Armed Forces Bowl:
San Diego St. v Army
My pick: SAN DIEGO STATE 25
I copied the list of all the games into Microsoft Word and moved them around until it looked roughly like the order of confidence I have. I cannot guess how this game ended up here.
Dollar General Bowl:
Appalachian St. v Toledo
My pick: TOLEDO 24
The App Store should sponsor a bowl that App State plays at every year. The actual sponsor is everything culturally the opposite of the Apple company.
Hawaii Bowl:
Fresno St. v Houston
My pick: FRESNO STATE 19
When I was in college, I would have been enormously excited about this game.
Heart of Dallas Bowl:
Utah v West Virginia
My pick: WEST VIRGINIA 10
(pretend I'm a guy waking up from a coma): Utah is the Pac-10, and it's the Pac-12? West Virginia is in the Big Twelve, but it's got ten members? And they're playing a bowl game in Dallas? Where's my wife and family?
Quick Lane Bowl:
Duke v Northern Illinois
My pick: NO, ILLINOIS 26
When people complain about conference realignment ruining the sport, this is the game they mean. It took a tremendous amount of argument and more than one trip to court, but once they finally got everything in place, I had hoped the NOILL Network would ensure that the Huskies stayed in the GLTA Conference like they belonged, where they regularly represented the Northwest Division in the GLTACon Championship Game. Sure, the GLTA was sometimes "Duke, Northern Illinois, and the eleven dwarfs," but even traditionally weaker powers like Indiana University, Purdue University, and Indiana University-Purdue University Indianapolis would make bowl games every few years. Unfortunately for the fans, Northern Illinois's administration was always more worried about money, and they couldn't resist the Big 16's invitation as a football-only member. Former conference foe Duke had a difficult time of things as a result before TV money and the Big East came calling, but in the last few year they've really expanded their facilities--not just in football but in other nationally-recognized programs like equestrian and lacrosse. Many thought the bad feelings would evaporate once both programs, who played in six straight and nine out of twelve GLTACon title games in addition to their annual cross-division rivalry game (The Battle for the Bloody Bonnet), found homes in new conferences. Unfortunately, that wasn't to be. As it turns out, this year's historic Quick Lane Bowl will be the first game between these two giants since the famous "Snow-and-Slip" match up of 1983. Famously, current Northern Illinois coach Bobby Bowden was arrested at that game for propositioning a male prostitute while working at a concession stand; the only proposition he's making now is that his powerful triple option attack can pull out one more game before he moves on to the NFL to coach the San Jose Sharks.
Cactus Bowl:
Kansas St. v UCLA
My pick: KANSAS STATE 22
pretty quotidian matchup imo
Independence Bowl:
Southern Mist v Florida St.
My pick: FREE SHOES UNIVERSITY 14
There's no reason for Florida State not to win this game, right? They're much more talented, have an exciting new coach, etc etc. But games where coaches leave, especially as ridiculously as this, always make me nervous.
Pinstripe Bowl:
Iowa v Boston College
My pick: IOWA 29
I'm not extremely sold on Iowa football (I don't think I watched an Iowa game this year), but whenever I hear the name of a Boston College coach, I think, "Oh yeah, that loser. He's still coaching?"
Foster Farms Bowl:
Arizona v Purdue
My pick: PURDON'T 12
I watched virtually no B1G football and very little P12C football this year.
Texas Bowl:
Texas v Missouri
My pick: MIZZOU 18
Texas is bad at pass defense. Missouri is good at pass offense.
Military Bowl:
Virginia v Navy
My pick: NAVY 4
I'd like for Auburn to run a true option offense, but I don't think it's a realistic option for power recruiting teams. Anyway, I heard Ken N. has a really good record in bowl games.
Camping World Bowl:
Virginia Tech v Oklahoma St.
My pick: OKLAHOMA! STATE 36
Gunds up!
Alamo Bowl:
Stanford v TCU
My pick: TCU 32
This is a game between very good coaches who probably should be at stronger football programs.
Holiday Bowl:
Washington St. v Michigan St.
My pick: WASHINGTON STATE 16
Now we determine which is the real apple state.
Belk Bowl:
Wake Forest v TAMU
My pick: WAKE FOREST 20
My thinking on this one is that it sounds like Texas A&M is emotionally shattered from their coach getting fired. Also: Clawfense!
Sun Bowl:
NC St. v Arizona St.
My pick: NC STATE 33
Arizona State's coaching situation turned out pretty funny.
Music City Bowl:
Kentucky v Northwestern
My pick: NORTHWESTERN 37
Kentucky sucks! They finished bad because they're bad. Northwestern is a football team.
Arizona Bowl:
Utah St. v New Mexico St.
My pick: UTAH STATE 5
I don't know how to pick this game, which really should have a lower confidence ranking.
Cotton Bowl:
USC v Ohio St.
My pick: THE OHIO STATE 28
Gross.
TaxSlayer Bowl:
Louisville v Mississippi St.
My pick: LOUISVILLE 38
Remember Lamar! buttons? For Lamar Alexander? I do. Anyway, I'd like Mississippi State's chances if this game was in October, but it's coach-leaving season for Starkville.
Liberty Bowl:
Iowa St. v Memphis
My pick: MEMPHIS 13
Memphis seems like a better football team, but their in-demand coach may inspire Iowa State.
Fiesta Bowl:
Washington v Penn St.
My pick: PENN STATE 15
It looks like the line has moved Penn State's way but this seems like a tough choice to me. Joe Paterno joke.
Orange Bowl:
Wisconsin v Miami (FL)
My pick: WISCONSIN 35
I very much do not like Wisconsin. I've gotten to where I like Miami.
Outback Bowl:
Michigan v South Carolina
My pick: MICHIGAN 23
Michigan is way better than South Carolina. But it's a bowl game, where unusual things happen, and the score will probably be like 11-8, so one odd play could change the outcome of the game.
Peach Bowl:
UCF v Auburn
My pick: AUBRUN 27
I'm actually way more confident than this in an on-the-field sense, but it seems unlikely that things actually go well for Auburn.
Citrus Bowl:
Notre Dame v LSU
My pick: Notre Dame 2
Notre Dame has a better team and coaches, but LSU has more talent and finished the season on an upswing. This is the toughest pick of the games I feel like I know anything about.
Rose Bowl:
Georgia v Oklahoma
My pick: GEORGIA 9
Dan Wolken on Twitter said that Georgia is the best job in college football, which is manifestly untrue. This is about as bad a line up for the play off that we could possibly have. As to the game, Georgia is the better team, but great quarterbacks win big games.
Sugar Bowl:
Alabama v Clemson
My pick: alabama 8
I am really unsure that Alabama will beat Clemson. Saban is a much better coach, and Alabama will be playing for revenge, but they're not as good as they usually are, and they're still pretty beat up. Still, evil usually wins in this fallen world.
New Orleans Bowl:
Troy v North Texas
My pick: TROY 30
The state of Alabama has a University of North Alabama, a University of South Alabama, and a University of West Alabama, but no University of East Alabama. Good luck men of Troy
Cure Bowl:
Western Kentucky v Georgia St.
My pick: GEORGIA STATE 1
Your guess, she is as good as mine.
Las Vegas Bowl:
Boise St. v Oregon
My pick: OREGON 7
The first day of bowl season is a real knock-out. I don't mean to be blount, but it packs a punch.
New Mexico Bowl:
Marshall v Colorado St.
My pick: COLORADO STATE 21
(like at a basketball game or something where we're cheering stuff wes likes): brad. lee. van. pelt. clap clap clap clap clap
Camellia Bowl:
Middle Tennessee v Arkansas St.
My pick: ARKANSAS ST 31
No state is better prepared to have a Middle StateName University than is the great state of Tennessee. Apparently everyone in Arkansas except Arkansas State changed coaches this year.
Boca Raton Bowl:
Akron v FAU
My pick: FAU 39
I don't know or care anything about these teams or the Cheribundi Tart Cherry Boca Raton Bowl, but the bookies say this is the surest thing.
Frisco Bowl:
Louisiana Tech v SMU
My pick: SMU 11
I though I liked La Tech to win since Morris is leaving SMU. But I decided I like SMU to win because they want to impress their new coach. This is not terribly coherent.
Gasparilla Bowl:
Temple v FIU
My pick: FIU 3
Bad Boy Mowers Gasparilla Bowl. Bad Boy Mowers Gasparilla Bowl. Bad Boy Mowers Gasparilla Bowl. Bad Boy Mowers Gasparilla Bowl. Bad Boy Mowers Gasparilla Bowl. Bad Boy Mowers Gasparilla Bowl.
Bahamas Bowl:
Ohio v UAB
My pick: OHIO 6
I was going to assert that Alabama is the most over-represented state by population in bowl season, but there's nobody in Wyoming so I am pretty sure they would win. Anyway, way to go UAB. Bahamas!
Potato Bowl:
Central Michigan v Wyoming
My pick: WYOMING 17
It's fun to say POE TAY TOE like a moron.
Birmingham Bowl:
Texas Tech v USF
My pick: YOU GOT IT ALL ON USF 34
South Florida had to cancel one game and postpone another! What are the odds, you ask? Pretty good, apparently.
Armed Forces Bowl:
San Diego St. v Army
My pick: SAN DIEGO STATE 25
I copied the list of all the games into Microsoft Word and moved them around until it looked roughly like the order of confidence I have. I cannot guess how this game ended up here.
Dollar General Bowl:
Appalachian St. v Toledo
My pick: TOLEDO 24
The App Store should sponsor a bowl that App State plays at every year. The actual sponsor is everything culturally the opposite of the Apple company.
Hawaii Bowl:
Fresno St. v Houston
My pick: FRESNO STATE 19
When I was in college, I would have been enormously excited about this game.
Heart of Dallas Bowl:
Utah v West Virginia
My pick: WEST VIRGINIA 10
(pretend I'm a guy waking up from a coma): Utah is the Pac-10, and it's the Pac-12? West Virginia is in the Big Twelve, but it's got ten members? And they're playing a bowl game in Dallas? Where's my wife and family?
Quick Lane Bowl:
Duke v Northern Illinois
My pick: NO, ILLINOIS 26
When people complain about conference realignment ruining the sport, this is the game they mean. It took a tremendous amount of argument and more than one trip to court, but once they finally got everything in place, I had hoped the NOILL Network would ensure that the Huskies stayed in the GLTA Conference like they belonged, where they regularly represented the Northwest Division in the GLTACon Championship Game. Sure, the GLTA was sometimes "Duke, Northern Illinois, and the eleven dwarfs," but even traditionally weaker powers like Indiana University, Purdue University, and Indiana University-Purdue University Indianapolis would make bowl games every few years. Unfortunately for the fans, Northern Illinois's administration was always more worried about money, and they couldn't resist the Big 16's invitation as a football-only member. Former conference foe Duke had a difficult time of things as a result before TV money and the Big East came calling, but in the last few year they've really expanded their facilities--not just in football but in other nationally-recognized programs like equestrian and lacrosse. Many thought the bad feelings would evaporate once both programs, who played in six straight and nine out of twelve GLTACon title games in addition to their annual cross-division rivalry game (The Battle for the Bloody Bonnet), found homes in new conferences. Unfortunately, that wasn't to be. As it turns out, this year's historic Quick Lane Bowl will be the first game between these two giants since the famous "Snow-and-Slip" match up of 1983. Famously, current Northern Illinois coach Bobby Bowden was arrested at that game for propositioning a male prostitute while working at a concession stand; the only proposition he's making now is that his powerful triple option attack can pull out one more game before he moves on to the NFL to coach the San Jose Sharks.
Cactus Bowl:
Kansas St. v UCLA
My pick: KANSAS STATE 22
pretty quotidian matchup imo
Independence Bowl:
Southern Mist v Florida St.
My pick: FREE SHOES UNIVERSITY 14
There's no reason for Florida State not to win this game, right? They're much more talented, have an exciting new coach, etc etc. But games where coaches leave, especially as ridiculously as this, always make me nervous.
Pinstripe Bowl:
Iowa v Boston College
My pick: IOWA 29
I'm not extremely sold on Iowa football (I don't think I watched an Iowa game this year), but whenever I hear the name of a Boston College coach, I think, "Oh yeah, that loser. He's still coaching?"
Foster Farms Bowl:
Arizona v Purdue
My pick: PURDON'T 12
I watched virtually no B1G football and very little P12C football this year.
Texas Bowl:
Texas v Missouri
My pick: MIZZOU 18
Texas is bad at pass defense. Missouri is good at pass offense.
Military Bowl:
Virginia v Navy
My pick: NAVY 4
I'd like for Auburn to run a true option offense, but I don't think it's a realistic option for power recruiting teams. Anyway, I heard Ken N. has a really good record in bowl games.
Camping World Bowl:
Virginia Tech v Oklahoma St.
My pick: OKLAHOMA! STATE 36
Gunds up!
Alamo Bowl:
Stanford v TCU
My pick: TCU 32
This is a game between very good coaches who probably should be at stronger football programs.
Holiday Bowl:
Washington St. v Michigan St.
My pick: WASHINGTON STATE 16
Now we determine which is the real apple state.
Belk Bowl:
Wake Forest v TAMU
My pick: WAKE FOREST 20
My thinking on this one is that it sounds like Texas A&M is emotionally shattered from their coach getting fired. Also: Clawfense!
Sun Bowl:
NC St. v Arizona St.
My pick: NC STATE 33
Arizona State's coaching situation turned out pretty funny.
Music City Bowl:
Kentucky v Northwestern
My pick: NORTHWESTERN 37
Kentucky sucks! They finished bad because they're bad. Northwestern is a football team.
Arizona Bowl:
Utah St. v New Mexico St.
My pick: UTAH STATE 5
I don't know how to pick this game, which really should have a lower confidence ranking.
Cotton Bowl:
USC v Ohio St.
My pick: THE OHIO STATE 28
Gross.
TaxSlayer Bowl:
Louisville v Mississippi St.
My pick: LOUISVILLE 38
Remember Lamar! buttons? For Lamar Alexander? I do. Anyway, I'd like Mississippi State's chances if this game was in October, but it's coach-leaving season for Starkville.
Liberty Bowl:
Iowa St. v Memphis
My pick: MEMPHIS 13
Memphis seems like a better football team, but their in-demand coach may inspire Iowa State.
Fiesta Bowl:
Washington v Penn St.
My pick: PENN STATE 15
It looks like the line has moved Penn State's way but this seems like a tough choice to me. Joe Paterno joke.
Orange Bowl:
Wisconsin v Miami (FL)
My pick: WISCONSIN 35
I very much do not like Wisconsin. I've gotten to where I like Miami.
Outback Bowl:
Michigan v South Carolina
My pick: MICHIGAN 23
Michigan is way better than South Carolina. But it's a bowl game, where unusual things happen, and the score will probably be like 11-8, so one odd play could change the outcome of the game.
Peach Bowl:
UCF v Auburn
My pick: AUBRUN 27
I'm actually way more confident than this in an on-the-field sense, but it seems unlikely that things actually go well for Auburn.
Citrus Bowl:
Notre Dame v LSU
My pick: Notre Dame 2
Notre Dame has a better team and coaches, but LSU has more talent and finished the season on an upswing. This is the toughest pick of the games I feel like I know anything about.
Rose Bowl:
Georgia v Oklahoma
My pick: GEORGIA 9
Dan Wolken on Twitter said that Georgia is the best job in college football, which is manifestly untrue. This is about as bad a line up for the play off that we could possibly have. As to the game, Georgia is the better team, but great quarterbacks win big games.
Sugar Bowl:
Alabama v Clemson
My pick: alabama 8
I am really unsure that Alabama will beat Clemson. Saban is a much better coach, and Alabama will be playing for revenge, but they're not as good as they usually are, and they're still pretty beat up. Still, evil usually wins in this fallen world.
BINFORD TOOLS IS PROUD TO PRESENT... THA CAPTAINZ PICKS!!!! *crowd goes nuts with a mixture of hoots, hollars, and man-grunts!!!*
In honor of Tool Man, I made a bunch of bone-headed decisions. They are listed below.
The winner is listed first. That little number in parentheses? Well guess what that's the confidence.
NEW ORLEANS BOWL
(31) Troy / North Texas
Whoa, slow down there maestro. There's a NEW Orleans?
CURE BOWL
(21) Western Kentucky / Georgia St.
They should advertise this as "The Cure for the Common Bowl." They won't though, they'll probably try to raise money for breast cancer instead.
LAS VEGAS BOWL
(12) Boise St. / Oregon
Whoa, slow down there maestro. There's a LAS Vegas?
NEW MEXICO BOWL
(30) Colorado St. / Marshall
Whoa, slow down there maestro. Why isn't there a WHITE New Mexico Bowl?
CAMELLIA BOWL
(24) Arkansas St. / Middle Tennessee
I would have sworn to the divines that these teams were still in the same conference.
BOCA RATON BOWL
(39) FAU / Akron
Akrons grow into oac trees. (aoc trees? wasn't sure how exactly to draw the analogy. share your thoughts in the comments! NOT, I don't care)
FRISCO BOWL
(1) SMU / Louisiana Tech
Frisco, TX was founded along a line of the St. Louis-San Francisco Railway (known as "The Frisco"), thus the name. I looked it up on wikipedia. Also, according to the wik, "Another name [for the city], usually referred to only by the children of the land, is 'F-TOWN'." What's really messed up is that the St. Louis-San Francisco Railway never gets anywhere near San Francisco, California. Can you believe that
GASPARILLA BOWL
(3) FIU / Temple
I need a Bad Boy Mower so my neighbors will finally respect me.
BAHAMAS BOWL
(26) Ohio / UAB
It's amazing that UAB won 8 games, right? I'm amazed and I am not easily impressed!
POTATO BOWL
(2) Central Michigan / Wyoming
Fitting because Wyoming dresses like potatoes (brown). Why didn't the bowl pick Western Michigan (also dress like potatoes (brown)) instead of CMU (dresses like red potatoes maybe? (maroon))? fools
BIRMINGHAM BOWL
(20) USF / Texas Tech
Remember when we went to these
ARMED FORCES BOWL
(33) San Diego St. / Army
San Diego isn't even a state. this is stupid
DOLLAR GENERAL BOWL
(34) Toledo / Appalachian St.
I will never forget that guy's wooden sign. And I will never forgive him for it.
H'AWA'I'I BOWL
(4) Fresno St. / Houston
Look out! It's the Hawaii Bowl!
FART OF DALLAS BOWL
(25) Utah / West Virginia
I think this is the only game where i switched my pick after my initial snap judgment. Yet, somehow there is a 25 in front of it. I am clearly not trying.
QUICK LANE BOWL
(22) Northern Illinois / Duke
Cindy Crawford went to Northern Illinois. You know who went to Duke? HER BOSS!! (a man).
CACTUS BOWL
(19) Kansas St. / UCLA
Fun Fact: A cactus is not actually a plant.
INDEPENCENCE BOWL
(37) Florida St. / Southern Mist
Sick
PINSTRIPE BOWL
(14) Iowa / Boston College
Imagine this clash of accents!!! "ooh, we're playin in a bowl game don't ya know!" (Iowa) vs "ooh, we're playin in a bowl game don't ya know pahk my cah in hahvahd yahd" (BC)
FOSTER FARMS BOWL
(13) Arizona / Purdue
Farms? FarmS? Plural?! Ey Foster! Quit hoggin all da farms over heaya! aaah ahm just yankin yuh chain Foster yuhr alright.
TEXAS BOWL
(11) Texas / Missouri
Missouri must feel very left out. Imagine if they had just been like "welcome to lauren's wedding." Or "welcome to bsc graduation for all seniors except charles."
MILITARY BOWL
(6) Virginia / Navy
Freedom ain't free, y'all.
CAMPING WORLD BOWL
(16) Virginia Tech / Oklahoma St.
Camping ain't free, y'all.
ALAMO BOWL
(17) TCU / Samford
I can't get over how utterly devilish it is to call them "Samford."
PAWLIDAY BOWL
(18) Michigan St. / Washington St.
Bowl Game Trivia: this is the first time two teams with "State" in their names have played against one another in a bowl game. The record for bowl games is 7.
BELK BOWL
(8) Wake Forest / TAMU
Can you imagine bowls named after other 3Es? The Eric Filla-Bowl! That sounds druggy! The John Bowl.. that's a toilet!!! I could go on and on
SUN BOWL
(29) NC St. / Arizona St.
you miiiiight as well be bowlin on the sun
MUSIC CITY BOWL
(38) Northwestern / Kentucky
Kentucky sucks!! Gaaah!
ARIZONA BOWL
(9) New Mexico St. / Utah St.
Once again, probably would have said these guys were in the same conference.
COTTON BOWL
(28) Ohio St. / USC
This is a real Bad Boy Mower of a matchup.
TAXSLAYER BOWL
(36) Louisville / Mist St.
Get this: TaxSlayer, TaxMetallica, TaxAnthrax, and TaxMegadeth!!! The "Big 4" of Bay Area Thrash Tax Services.
LIBERTY BOWL
(23) Memphis / Iowa St.
li-"bear"-ty the beanie baby. I said that last year but it's the only thing I can think of when i see the word liberty.
FIESTA BOWL
(27) Penn St. / Washington
Writing 39 things is almost as hard as writing 40 things last year! Aaccck!!
ORANGE BOWL
(32) Wisconsin / Miami (FL)
I ask my wife to close her eyes christmas morning as i stand behind her, placing something around her neck. open your eyes, it's a turnover chain. merry christmas, jessie.
OUTBACK BOWL
(35) Michigan / South Carolina
Our dryer sheets are "blooming lavender" scented so every time i do laundry i say "bloomin' lavender" like the outback voiceover guy. it's great. the little things, you know?
PEACH BOWL
(5) UCF / Auburn
pronouncing peach like "peedge" to trigger the libs
CITRUS BOWL
(7) Notre Dame / LSU
Remember Mitch Hedberg, remember the thing where it's something about citrus? the bouyancy of citrus? I'm looking it up. Yeah that was it. The joke was that limes float so if he was on a sinking ship he would grab a lime and be saved by the bouyancy of citrus. classic.
ROSE BOWL
(10) Georgia / Oklahoma
I was surprised that Georgia and Oklahoma have never played before.
SUGAR BOWL
(15) Alabama / Clemson
I was surprised that Alabama and Clemson have never played before.
The winner is listed first. That little number in parentheses? Well guess what that's the confidence.
NEW ORLEANS BOWL
(31) Troy / North Texas
Whoa, slow down there maestro. There's a NEW Orleans?
CURE BOWL
(21) Western Kentucky / Georgia St.
They should advertise this as "The Cure for the Common Bowl." They won't though, they'll probably try to raise money for breast cancer instead.
LAS VEGAS BOWL
(12) Boise St. / Oregon
Whoa, slow down there maestro. There's a LAS Vegas?
NEW MEXICO BOWL
(30) Colorado St. / Marshall
Whoa, slow down there maestro. Why isn't there a WHITE New Mexico Bowl?
CAMELLIA BOWL
(24) Arkansas St. / Middle Tennessee
I would have sworn to the divines that these teams were still in the same conference.
BOCA RATON BOWL
(39) FAU / Akron
Akrons grow into oac trees. (aoc trees? wasn't sure how exactly to draw the analogy. share your thoughts in the comments! NOT, I don't care)
FRISCO BOWL
(1) SMU / Louisiana Tech
Frisco, TX was founded along a line of the St. Louis-San Francisco Railway (known as "The Frisco"), thus the name. I looked it up on wikipedia. Also, according to the wik, "Another name [for the city], usually referred to only by the children of the land, is 'F-TOWN'." What's really messed up is that the St. Louis-San Francisco Railway never gets anywhere near San Francisco, California. Can you believe that
GASPARILLA BOWL
(3) FIU / Temple
I need a Bad Boy Mower so my neighbors will finally respect me.
BAHAMAS BOWL
(26) Ohio / UAB
It's amazing that UAB won 8 games, right? I'm amazed and I am not easily impressed!
POTATO BOWL
(2) Central Michigan / Wyoming
Fitting because Wyoming dresses like potatoes (brown). Why didn't the bowl pick Western Michigan (also dress like potatoes (brown)) instead of CMU (dresses like red potatoes maybe? (maroon))? fools
BIRMINGHAM BOWL
(20) USF / Texas Tech
Remember when we went to these
ARMED FORCES BOWL
(33) San Diego St. / Army
San Diego isn't even a state. this is stupid
DOLLAR GENERAL BOWL
(34) Toledo / Appalachian St.
I will never forget that guy's wooden sign. And I will never forgive him for it.
H'AWA'I'I BOWL
(4) Fresno St. / Houston
Look out! It's the Hawaii Bowl!
FART OF DALLAS BOWL
(25) Utah / West Virginia
I think this is the only game where i switched my pick after my initial snap judgment. Yet, somehow there is a 25 in front of it. I am clearly not trying.
QUICK LANE BOWL
(22) Northern Illinois / Duke
Cindy Crawford went to Northern Illinois. You know who went to Duke? HER BOSS!! (a man).
CACTUS BOWL
(19) Kansas St. / UCLA
Fun Fact: A cactus is not actually a plant.
INDEPENCENCE BOWL
(37) Florida St. / Southern Mist
Sick
PINSTRIPE BOWL
(14) Iowa / Boston College
Imagine this clash of accents!!! "ooh, we're playin in a bowl game don't ya know!" (Iowa) vs "ooh, we're playin in a bowl game don't ya know pahk my cah in hahvahd yahd" (BC)
FOSTER FARMS BOWL
(13) Arizona / Purdue
Farms? FarmS? Plural?! Ey Foster! Quit hoggin all da farms over heaya! aaah ahm just yankin yuh chain Foster yuhr alright.
TEXAS BOWL
(11) Texas / Missouri
Missouri must feel very left out. Imagine if they had just been like "welcome to lauren's wedding." Or "welcome to bsc graduation for all seniors except charles."
MILITARY BOWL
(6) Virginia / Navy
Freedom ain't free, y'all.
CAMPING WORLD BOWL
(16) Virginia Tech / Oklahoma St.
Camping ain't free, y'all.
ALAMO BOWL
(17) TCU / Samford
I can't get over how utterly devilish it is to call them "Samford."
PAWLIDAY BOWL
(18) Michigan St. / Washington St.
Bowl Game Trivia: this is the first time two teams with "State" in their names have played against one another in a bowl game. The record for bowl games is 7.
BELK BOWL
(8) Wake Forest / TAMU
Can you imagine bowls named after other 3Es? The Eric Filla-Bowl! That sounds druggy! The John Bowl.. that's a toilet!!! I could go on and on
SUN BOWL
(29) NC St. / Arizona St.
you miiiiight as well be bowlin on the sun
MUSIC CITY BOWL
(38) Northwestern / Kentucky
Kentucky sucks!! Gaaah!
ARIZONA BOWL
(9) New Mexico St. / Utah St.
Once again, probably would have said these guys were in the same conference.
COTTON BOWL
(28) Ohio St. / USC
This is a real Bad Boy Mower of a matchup.
TAXSLAYER BOWL
(36) Louisville / Mist St.
Get this: TaxSlayer, TaxMetallica, TaxAnthrax, and TaxMegadeth!!! The "Big 4" of Bay Area Thrash Tax Services.
LIBERTY BOWL
(23) Memphis / Iowa St.
li-"bear"-ty the beanie baby. I said that last year but it's the only thing I can think of when i see the word liberty.
FIESTA BOWL
(27) Penn St. / Washington
Writing 39 things is almost as hard as writing 40 things last year! Aaccck!!
ORANGE BOWL
(32) Wisconsin / Miami (FL)
I ask my wife to close her eyes christmas morning as i stand behind her, placing something around her neck. open your eyes, it's a turnover chain. merry christmas, jessie.
OUTBACK BOWL
(35) Michigan / South Carolina
Our dryer sheets are "blooming lavender" scented so every time i do laundry i say "bloomin' lavender" like the outback voiceover guy. it's great. the little things, you know?
PEACH BOWL
(5) UCF / Auburn
pronouncing peach like "peedge" to trigger the libs
CITRUS BOWL
(7) Notre Dame / LSU
Remember Mitch Hedberg, remember the thing where it's something about citrus? the bouyancy of citrus? I'm looking it up. Yeah that was it. The joke was that limes float so if he was on a sinking ship he would grab a lime and be saved by the bouyancy of citrus. classic.
ROSE BOWL
(10) Georgia / Oklahoma
I was surprised that Georgia and Oklahoma have never played before.
SUGAR BOWL
(15) Alabama / Clemson
I was surprised that Alabama and Clemson have never played before.
Monday, December 04, 2017
The Definitive History of the Bowl Pick Them
CRISIS wins in parentheses.
2005 - 2007: I can't prove that it happened.
2008: Second best win pct (.684) in non-CRISIS games.
Charles: 22-12 (9)
Captain: 19-15 (6)
2009: Fewest CRISIS games. Our worst combined performance. Worst victorious win pct. I just picked favorites. That did not pay off.
Charles: 18-16 (3)
Captain: 17-17 (2)
2010: The only time someone hasn't hit .500.
Charles: 21-14 (8)
Captain: 17-18 (4)
2011: Not particularly remarkable, I guess. This roughly approximates the 9 years overall.
Charles: 22-13 (8)
Captain: 19-16 (5)
2012: The Gold Standard of Pick Them performances (by you anyway). Also the best combined performance but that's just because you did so well. Our best performance (.778) in non-CRISIS games.
Charles: 26-9 (12)
Captain: 19-16 (5)
2013: My best performance (my only time over .600, which you have topped 5 times). Your worst performance. The perfect storm.
Charles: 18-17 (4)
Captain: 22-13 (8)
2014: Most CRISIS games.
Charles: 23-15 (11)
Captain: 20-18 (8)
2015: Highest win pct in CRISIS games.
Charles: 26-14 (9)
Captain: 20-20 (3)
2016: Best performance in a losing effort.
Charles: 23-17 (6)
Captain: 24-16 (7)
2008-2016:
Charles: 199-127 (70), .610
Captain: 177-149 (48), .543
2005 - 2007: I can't prove that it happened.
2008: Second best win pct (.684) in non-CRISIS games.
Charles: 22-12 (9)
Captain: 19-15 (6)
2009: Fewest CRISIS games. Our worst combined performance. Worst victorious win pct. I just picked favorites. That did not pay off.
Charles: 18-16 (3)
Captain: 17-17 (2)
2010: The only time someone hasn't hit .500.
Charles: 21-14 (8)
Captain: 17-18 (4)
2011: Not particularly remarkable, I guess. This roughly approximates the 9 years overall.
Charles: 22-13 (8)
Captain: 19-16 (5)
2012: The Gold Standard of Pick Them performances (by you anyway). Also the best combined performance but that's just because you did so well. Our best performance (.778) in non-CRISIS games.
Charles: 26-9 (12)
Captain: 19-16 (5)
2013: My best performance (my only time over .600, which you have topped 5 times). Your worst performance. The perfect storm.
Charles: 18-17 (4)
Captain: 22-13 (8)
2014: Most CRISIS games.
Charles: 23-15 (11)
Captain: 20-18 (8)
2015: Highest win pct in CRISIS games.
Charles: 26-14 (9)
Captain: 20-20 (3)
2016: Best performance in a losing effort.
Charles: 23-17 (6)
Captain: 24-16 (7)
2008-2016:
Charles: 199-127 (70), .610
Captain: 177-149 (48), .543
2017 3E BOWL PICK THEM
TO SORT THROUGH ALL THIS GARBAGE WE'RE GONNA NEED... MORE POWER!!!1 *AARRUGGH, RUGGH, RUGGH*
SPECIAL NOTE: THAT FONT ON THE SCORE BOARD IS CALLED "JOKERMAN." BUT IN THIS CASE IT SHOULD BE CALLED "TOOL MAN." *AARRUGGH, RUGGH, RUGGH* BUT ALSO "JOKERMAN" IS FINE BECAUSE, IN HIS HEART OF HEARTS, THE TOOL MAN IS ALSO A JOKER MAN. *ARRUGHH*
Ok we all know the rules. Please submit your picks along with confidence ranking sometime before the games start. I shouldn't have to say this.
1 (least confident, like Al or maybe the shameful weakling child Mark) - 39 (most confident, as is the style of the Tool Man or his other, better sons)
New Orleans Bowl:
Troy v North Texas
Cure Bowl:
Western Kentucky v Georgia St.
Las Vegas Bowl:
Boise St. v Oregon
New Mexico Bowl:
Marshall v Colorado St.
Camellia Bowl:
Middle Tennessee v Arkansas St.
Boca Raton Bowl:
Akron v FAU
Frisco Bowl:
Louisiana Tech v SMU
Gasparilla Bowl:
Temple v FIU
Bahamas Bowl:
Ohio v UAB
Potato Bowl:
Central Michigan v Wyoming
Birmingham Bowl:
Texas Tech v USF
Armed Forces Bowl:
San Diego St. v Army
Dollar General Bowl:
Appalachian St. v Toledo
Hawaii Bowl:
Fresno St. v Houston
Heart of Dallas Bowl:
Utah v West Virginia
Quick Lane Bowl:
Duke v Northern Illinois
Cactus Bowl:
Kansas St. v UCLA
Independence Bowl:
Southern Mist v Florida St.
Pinstripe Bowl:
Iowa v Boston College
Foster Farms Bowl:
Arizona v Purdue
Texas Bowl:
Texas v Missouri
Military Bowl:
Virginia v Navy
Camping World Bowl:
Virginia Tech v Oklahoma St.
Alamo Bowl:
Stanford v TCU
Holiday Bowl:
Washington St. v Michigan St.
Belk Bowl:
Wake Forest v TAMU
Sun Bowl:
NC St. v Arizona St.
Music City Bowl:
Kentucky v Northwestern
Arizona Bowl:
Utah St. v New Mexico St.
Cotton Bowl:
USC v Ohio St.
TaxSlayer Bowl:
Louisville v Mississippi St.
Liberty Bowl:
Iowa St. v Memphis
Fiesta Bowl:
Washington v Penn St.
Orange Bowl:
Wisconsin v Miami (FL)
Outback Bowl:
Michigan v South Carolina
Peach Bowl:
UCF v Auburn
Citrus Bowl:
Notre Dame v LSU
Rose Bowl:
Georgia v Oklahoma
Sugar Bowl:
Alabama v Clemson
Commence to pickin.
Monday, November 27, 2017
Wow
It's over!
The Happy Guy: 4-5 (49-46-3)
The Sad Boy: 3-6 (45-50-3)
Remarkably similar results to last year:
C: 50-45-2
Tha C: 44-51-2
It really makes you think.
The Happy Guy: 4-5 (49-46-3)
The Sad Boy: 3-6 (45-50-3)
Remarkably similar results to last year:
C: 50-45-2
Tha C: 44-51-2
It really makes you think.
Wednesday, November 22, 2017
PICKS SO GOOD IT'S SCARY BECAUSE IT'S WEEK THIRTEEN BABY
You know what I see this week? A whole bunch of trash can games I wouldn't bet if this weren't a pick them situation, where lives are on the line and it's for all the marbles, marbles like Respect and Decency.
---
Old Mist (+16.5) Them dogs let me down last time. Mississippi State will definitely win 38-28 or something stupid like that.
Missouri (-10.5) Them hogs also let me down last time in the sense of not losing how I thought they should, but Bill Connelly had a thing about how the numbers aren't keeping up with Missourah, and I found it convincing.
Georgia (-11) For some reason I thought Georgia Tech was like 8-3, but they're having a real garbage season too. Should Auburn lose, I hope Tech wins, then Georgia beats Alabama, and the SEC gets left out of the playoff.
Florida State (-5.5) Florida State has a lot more to play for in this game, I .... guess? Wouldn't bet this game.
Kentucky (+10) Louisville was a crazy big favorite last year and then lost. Louisville will piddle around for 55 minutes and then win by 8.
Alabama (-4.5) it's like, c'mon man
Tennessee (-1) What a nightmare this one is.
South Carolina (+14) Of the games that don't involve dumpster teams that nobody should bet, this is the hardest pick. Clemson is a lot better with more to play for, but Muschamp is doing a really good job this year and was super mad because they got pasted last season. I like Clemson to win in a 21-14-type game.
LSU (-10.5) nah
---
Old Mist (+16.5) Them dogs let me down last time. Mississippi State will definitely win 38-28 or something stupid like that.
Missouri (-10.5) Them hogs also let me down last time in the sense of not losing how I thought they should, but Bill Connelly had a thing about how the numbers aren't keeping up with Missourah, and I found it convincing.
Georgia (-11) For some reason I thought Georgia Tech was like 8-3, but they're having a real garbage season too. Should Auburn lose, I hope Tech wins, then Georgia beats Alabama, and the SEC gets left out of the playoff.
Florida State (-5.5) Florida State has a lot more to play for in this game, I .... guess? Wouldn't bet this game.
Kentucky (+10) Louisville was a crazy big favorite last year and then lost. Louisville will piddle around for 55 minutes and then win by 8.
Alabama (-4.5) it's like, c'mon man
Tennessee (-1) What a nightmare this one is.
South Carolina (+14) Of the games that don't involve dumpster teams that nobody should bet, this is the hardest pick. Clemson is a lot better with more to play for, but Muschamp is doing a really good job this year and was super mad because they got pasted last season. I like Clemson to win in a 21-14-type game.
LSU (-10.5) nah
this is the end
well its been fun
Old Mist +16.5 Seems like I pick against Mississippi State every week. Looking at it, I've picked them 3 times. I've also picked Vandy and LSU only three times each. The fewest? Oh you guessed it; I have picked against Auburn every single time because I'm a bad fan.
Missouri -10.5 Don't mess with a streak.
Georgia Tech +11 Dogs win obviously.
Florida +5.5 This will be wrong. Florida is 0-4 ATS as an underdog this year.
Louisville -10 Seems right.
Alabama -4.5 Toot toot! Here comes the Tide!
Tennessee -1 Who would actually bet on this? Degenerates and fools.
South Carolina +14 Clemson usually lets teams hang around somewhat and South Carolina isn't altogether terrible. Right?
LSU -10.5 You are right about Texas A&M, I would not bet on this game even if I were rich as hell.
Old Mist +16.5 Seems like I pick against Mississippi State every week. Looking at it, I've picked them 3 times. I've also picked Vandy and LSU only three times each. The fewest? Oh you guessed it; I have picked against Auburn every single time because I'm a bad fan.
Missouri -10.5 Don't mess with a streak.
Georgia Tech +11 Dogs win obviously.
Florida +5.5 This will be wrong. Florida is 0-4 ATS as an underdog this year.
Louisville -10 Seems right.
Alabama -4.5 Toot toot! Here comes the Tide!
Tennessee -1 Who would actually bet on this? Degenerates and fools.
South Carolina +14 Clemson usually lets teams hang around somewhat and South Carolina isn't altogether terrible. Right?
LSU -10.5 You are right about Texas A&M, I would not bet on this game even if I were rich as hell.
Tuesday, November 21, 2017
Its week 13 baby
Well, I gave myself a shot. Breathtaking. Awe inspiring. UConn women.
Charles: 4-3 (45-41-3)
Captain: 7-0 (42-44-3)
Now, get a loada these:
Old Mist @ Mississippi State (-16.5)
Missouri (-10.5) @ Arkansas
Georgia (-11) @ Georgia Tech
Florida State (-5.5) @ Florida
Louisville (-10) @ Kentucky
Alabama (-4.5) @ Auburn
Vanderbilt @ Tennessee (-1)
Clemson (-14) @ South Carolina
TAMU @ LSU (-10.5)
Charles: 4-3 (45-41-3)
Captain: 7-0 (42-44-3)
Now, get a loada these:
Old Mist @ Mississippi State (-16.5)
Missouri (-10.5) @ Arkansas
Georgia (-11) @ Georgia Tech
Florida State (-5.5) @ Florida
Louisville (-10) @ Kentucky
Alabama (-4.5) @ Auburn
Vanderbilt @ Tennessee (-1)
Clemson (-14) @ South Carolina
TAMU @ LSU (-10.5)
Thursday, November 16, 2017
my name is tha captain and i'm here to say: my week twelve picks are on display (below)
I've got a lot of ground to make up over the next two weeks. Luckily, I'm great at making things up.
Like for example I just imagined a guy saying "fork knife" instead of "fortnight." I made that up. Nobody has ever actually made that gaffe before.
UL-Monroe +37 Lotta points there.
Arkansas +11.5 I have never been wrong about Arkansas.
Georgia -21.5 Grrrrr! We're still angry about soldier boy!!
Florida -10.5 Or Florida will lose. I don't know.
Texas A&M +3 Texas A&M has a "12th man." Hard to argue with that, even on the road.
LSU -15.5 Seems like Tennessee will be a bunch of very sad boys.
Missouri -8.5 This was the most obvious pick to me. Therefore, Vando will win in a romp.
Like for example I just imagined a guy saying "fork knife" instead of "fortnight." I made that up. Nobody has ever actually made that gaffe before.
UL-Monroe +37 Lotta points there.
Arkansas +11.5 I have never been wrong about Arkansas.
Georgia -21.5 Grrrrr! We're still angry about soldier boy!!
Florida -10.5 Or Florida will lose. I don't know.
Texas A&M +3 Texas A&M has a "12th man." Hard to argue with that, even on the road.
LSU -15.5 Seems like Tennessee will be a bunch of very sad boys.
Missouri -8.5 This was the most obvious pick to me. Therefore, Vando will win in a romp.
big c in the house, in the house tonight, gonna make these picks, gonna make em right
UL-Monroe (+37) Auburn is good, and Auburn is fine, but can't imagine that Auburn beats THIS line, This game won't matter and this line is a troll, cause Auburn rests some starters for the Iron Bowl
Mississississippi State (-11.5) This game is it--just what I feared, a game where the line looks really weird, I try not to be mean and don't say this to hurt, but you best pick against the Hogs 'til they fire Bert
Georgia (-21.5) These dogs irate, these dogs real mad, these dogs about to beat Kentucky real bad, And while looking forward is always swell, look back at last week and L O L
UAB (+10.5) Florida is hurting, they're looking for a spark, no way they get it against Big Bill Clark, Firing their coach did this team no favors, when they fail to cover against the mighty blazers
Old Mist (-3) If you spell it different, wes gets pissed, which I guess is cause enough for old mist
LSU (-15.5) If LSU wins out we could call it a hat trick, and did you know that Brady's middle name is Patrick? LSU is pretty good, and that's no joke, but I base this pick on my main man Hoke
Missouri (-8.5) Maybe I'm wrong but it seems to me that Vandy's not much better than Tennessee
Mississississippi State (-11.5) This game is it--just what I feared, a game where the line looks really weird, I try not to be mean and don't say this to hurt, but you best pick against the Hogs 'til they fire Bert
Georgia (-21.5) These dogs irate, these dogs real mad, these dogs about to beat Kentucky real bad, And while looking forward is always swell, look back at last week and L O L
UAB (+10.5) Florida is hurting, they're looking for a spark, no way they get it against Big Bill Clark, Firing their coach did this team no favors, when they fail to cover against the mighty blazers
Old Mist (-3) If you spell it different, wes gets pissed, which I guess is cause enough for old mist
LSU (-15.5) If LSU wins out we could call it a hat trick, and did you know that Brady's middle name is Patrick? LSU is pretty good, and that's no joke, but I base this pick on my main man Hoke
Missouri (-8.5) Maybe I'm wrong but it seems to me that Vandy's not much better than Tennessee
Wednesday, November 15, 2017
Week 12
A Wes of a Thousand Colors: 3-5 (35-44-3)
The Fairly Drab C: 4-4 (41-38-3)
UL-Monroe at Auburn (-37)
Mississississippi State (-11.5) at Arkansas
Kuntecky at Georgia (-21.5)
UAB at Florida (-10.5)
Texas A&M at Old Mist (-3)
LSU (-15.5) at Tennessee
Missouri (-8.5) at Vanderbilt
The Lineless: Alabama, South Carolina
The Fairly Drab C: 4-4 (41-38-3)
UL-Monroe at Auburn (-37)
Mississississippi State (-11.5) at Arkansas
Kuntecky at Georgia (-21.5)
UAB at Florida (-10.5)
Texas A&M at Old Mist (-3)
LSU (-15.5) at Tennessee
Missouri (-8.5) at Vanderbilt
The Lineless: Alabama, South Carolina
Thursday, November 09, 2017
Tha Captainz Week Eleven (or should I say week "jane" (stranger things ref (spoiler alert!))) Pix
I humbly submit these picks. Really just honored to be competing.
Arkansas +17.5 Man, I don't know I just think the hogs got something for em.
Old Mist -19.5 Crap, I don't know I just think the rebs got a little something for em.
South Carolina -7 Hell, I don't know I just have a feeling that the cocks gonna have a little something for em.
Georgia -2.5 Dang, I don't know I just know the dawgs are gonna have a little something for em.
Kentucky +3 I mean, I don't know I just think the cats are going to have a little something for em.
Alabama -14 Hey, I really don't know I just have that feeling like the tide's gonna have a little something for em.
New Mexico +19 Look, I'm not claiming to know, I just think that the 'bos are gonna have a little something for em.
Tennessee +10.5 Dude, I don't know it just seems like the vols have a little something for em.
Arkansas +17.5 Man, I don't know I just think the hogs got something for em.
Old Mist -19.5 Crap, I don't know I just think the rebs got a little something for em.
South Carolina -7 Hell, I don't know I just have a feeling that the cocks gonna have a little something for em.
Georgia -2.5 Dang, I don't know I just know the dawgs are gonna have a little something for em.
Kentucky +3 I mean, I don't know I just think the cats are going to have a little something for em.
Alabama -14 Hey, I really don't know I just have that feeling like the tide's gonna have a little something for em.
New Mexico +19 Look, I'm not claiming to know, I just think that the 'bos are gonna have a little something for em.
Tennessee +10.5 Dude, I don't know it just seems like the vols have a little something for em.
(311 voice) it's week ellleeeevvvvveeeeeennnnnen
LSU (-17.5) Arkansas has a bad offensive line, and LSU has a very good offensive line.
Old Mist (-19.5) This was a hard pick.
South Carolina (-7) lol
Georgia (-2.5) I very much hope to be wrong
Kentucky (+3) I don't like the way Google does CFB schedule searches anymore. Kind of surprised at this line.
Alabama (-14) never. in. doubt.
New Mexico (+19) LOS LOBOS GIGANTE
Tennessee (+10.5) I don't know
Old Mist (-19.5) This was a hard pick.
South Carolina (-7) lol
Georgia (-2.5) I very much hope to be wrong
Kentucky (+3) I don't like the way Google does CFB schedule searches anymore. Kind of surprised at this line.
Alabama (-14) never. in. doubt.
New Mexico (+19) LOS LOBOS GIGANTE
Tennessee (+10.5) I don't know
Tuesday, November 07, 2017
week eleven or should i say week "Jane" (stranger things ref (spoiler alert!))
there's so much blood
Charles About Town: 6-2-1 (37-34-3)
Low Down Brown: 2-6-1 (32-39-3)
Arkansas @ LSU (-17.5)
You'll Laugh @ Old Mist (-19.5)
Florida @ South Carolina (-7)
Georgia (-2.5) @ Auburn
Kentucky @ Vanderbilt (-3)
Alabama (-14) @ Mississippi State
New Mexico @ TAMU (-19)
Tennessee @ Missouri (-10.5)
Charles About Town: 6-2-1 (37-34-3)
Low Down Brown: 2-6-1 (32-39-3)
Arkansas @ LSU (-17.5)
You'll Laugh @ Old Mist (-19.5)
Florida @ South Carolina (-7)
Georgia (-2.5) @ Auburn
Kentucky @ Vanderbilt (-3)
Alabama (-14) @ Mississippi State
New Mexico @ TAMU (-19)
Tennessee @ Missouri (-10.5)
Thursday, November 02, 2017
you know it's week ten boooyyyzzzz
Auburn (-15) TAMU is a team on the decline.
UMass (+28) Does it seem like Mississippi State plays UMass a lot? I feel like they do, but I don't feel it strongly enough to actually check or anything.
Missouri (-3.5) yep
Western Kentucky (+10) Almost prepared to pick WKU straight up.
South Carolina (+24.5) I think Mustouchamp is doing a good job so far.
Kentucky (-3.5) you can throw out the records when these two superpowers finally match wits on the chessboard
Coastal Carolina (+23) How am I supposed to pick this game?
Tennessee (-6.5) I got to feel like Tennessee is a better team than UAB.
LSU (+21) An LSU win would be magical, but I expect them to lose 31-17.
UMass (+28) Does it seem like Mississippi State plays UMass a lot? I feel like they do, but I don't feel it strongly enough to actually check or anything.
Missouri (-3.5) yep
Western Kentucky (+10) Almost prepared to pick WKU straight up.
South Carolina (+24.5) I think Mustouchamp is doing a good job so far.
Kentucky (-3.5) you can throw out the records when these two superpowers finally match wits on the chessboard
Coastal Carolina (+23) How am I supposed to pick this game?
Tennessee (-6.5) I got to feel like Tennessee is a better team than UAB.
LSU (+21) An LSU win would be magical, but I expect them to lose 31-17.
Week 1G
This week's theme is Dean "Mean Dean" Koontz.
TAMU +15 The Flesh in the Furnace (1972) - Living puppets! It's crazy.
Mississippi State -28 Demon Seed (1973) - A artificially intelligent house tries to get a woman pregnant! It's wild.
Florida +3.5 The Key to Midnight (1979) - A woman loses her memory! It's insane.
Western Kentucky +10 Watchers (1987) - There's a super smart dog! It's wild.
South Carolina +24.5 Hideaway (1992) - Something about a wreck! I think I read this. It's insane.
Kentucky -3.5 Dark Rivers of the Heart (1994) - Something about another dog maybe? It's crazy.
Arkansas -23 I am tired of looking up Dean Koontz novels. I have work to do.
Tennessee -6.5 Ok I'm back. I finished my work.
Alabama -21 My only football related comment is that it's weird that I thought Missouri was the worst team in the SEC six weeks ago and now they're favorites over Florida.
TAMU +15 The Flesh in the Furnace (1972) - Living puppets! It's crazy.
Mississippi State -28 Demon Seed (1973) - A artificially intelligent house tries to get a woman pregnant! It's wild.
Florida +3.5 The Key to Midnight (1979) - A woman loses her memory! It's insane.
Western Kentucky +10 Watchers (1987) - There's a super smart dog! It's wild.
South Carolina +24.5 Hideaway (1992) - Something about a wreck! I think I read this. It's insane.
Kentucky -3.5 Dark Rivers of the Heart (1994) - Something about another dog maybe? It's crazy.
Arkansas -23 I am tired of looking up Dean Koontz novels. I have work to do.
Tennessee -6.5 Ok I'm back. I finished my work.
Alabama -21 My only football related comment is that it's weird that I thought Missouri was the worst team in the SEC six weeks ago and now they're favorites over Florida.
Wednesday, November 01, 2017
Week and 10 let's do it again
A Charles In The Streets: 4-2 (31-32-2)
A Wesley In The Sheets: 3-3 (30-33-2)
THE RACE TO .500 CONTINUES
Auburn (-15) at TAMU
UMass at Mississississippi State (-28)
Florida at Missouri (-3.5)
Western Kentucky at Wanderbuilt (-10)
South Carolina at Georgia (-24.5)
Old Mist at Kentucky (-3.5)
Coastal Carolina at Arkansas (-23)
Southern Miss at Tennessee (-6.5)
LSU at Alabama (-21)
Unless my eyes doth deceive me, Auburn is the only road favorite. Probably fine!
A Wesley In The Sheets: 3-3 (30-33-2)
THE RACE TO .500 CONTINUES
Auburn (-15) at TAMU
UMass at Mississississippi State (-28)
Florida at Missouri (-3.5)
Western Kentucky at Wanderbuilt (-10)
South Carolina at Georgia (-24.5)
Old Mist at Kentucky (-3.5)
Coastal Carolina at Arkansas (-23)
Southern Miss at Tennessee (-6.5)
LSU at Alabama (-21)
Unless my eyes doth deceive me, Auburn is the only road favorite. Probably fine!
Thursday, October 26, 2017
It's vitally important that I do well this week...
So I'm going to try really hard to get these correct. All resources are at my disposal. Six and oh, here I come!
Old Mist -3.5 Gotta get off to a good start; really "set the tone." Talked to my parents about who they thought I should pick here. Always good to get advice from your elders.
Florida +14 Prayed hard about this one.
South Carolina -6.5 Called one of those psychic help-lines here. They say they're "for entertainment purposes only" but there's got to be something to 'em.
Missouri -11.5 Talked with my wife (borat ha ha). After a long, hard (long, hard ha ha) all-nighter (ha ha) we made a decision AS A TEAM. That's what marriage is. It's a team effort!
TAMU +1 Emailed Ivan Maisel (really smart football guy, been "around the block" when it comes to the SEC). Didn't respond. Prayed again.
Tennessee +5.5 Went to the most bountiful font of knowledge there is: The G-Meister. That's right folks. He thought they were playing Georgia in Atlanta (where UGA is) at "The Atlanta Dome" on NBC at 9:30because "they always play morning games in the SEC" but he did say "Tennessee" at one point during a rambling digression about Benghazi (which he called "Mogaduzi") so we're going Vols, baby!
Old Mist -3.5 Gotta get off to a good start; really "set the tone." Talked to my parents about who they thought I should pick here. Always good to get advice from your elders.
Florida +14 Prayed hard about this one.
South Carolina -6.5 Called one of those psychic help-lines here. They say they're "for entertainment purposes only" but there's got to be something to 'em.
Missouri -11.5 Talked with my wife (borat ha ha). After a long, hard (long, hard ha ha) all-nighter (ha ha) we made a decision AS A TEAM. That's what marriage is. It's a team effort!
TAMU +1 Emailed Ivan Maisel (really smart football guy, been "around the block" when it comes to the SEC). Didn't respond. Prayed again.
Tennessee +5.5 Went to the most bountiful font of knowledge there is: The G-Meister. That's right folks. He thought they were playing Georgia in Atlanta (where UGA is) at "The Atlanta Dome" on NBC at 9:30because "they always play morning games in the SEC" but he did say "Tennessee" at one point during a rambling digression about Benghazi (which he called "Mogaduzi") so we're going Vols, baby!
(Thrift shop voice) Picks picks, picks, picks, picks picks, picks, picks
Old Mist (-3.5) It's important to remember that Arkansas sucks
Georgia (-14) I expect about 33-14
Vanderbilt (+6.5) I was surprised when I looked to compare their records/schedules how little overlap there is in games between these two titans of the gridiron.
Missouri (-11.5) I expect some slicing and dicing.
Mississippi St (-1) I'd give Missississsiiiippi State 6 before I'd even start to think about considering this one any other way.
Tennessee (+5.5) I don't know if Tennessee will win, but I think it will be closer.
Georgia (-14) I expect about 33-14
Vanderbilt (+6.5) I was surprised when I looked to compare their records/schedules how little overlap there is in games between these two titans of the gridiron.
Missouri (-11.5) I expect some slicing and dicing.
Mississippi St (-1) I'd give Missississsiiiippi State 6 before I'd even start to think about considering this one any other way.
Tennessee (+5.5) I don't know if Tennessee will win, but I think it will be closer.
Tuesday, October 24, 2017
Week Nine, dang season's almost over
You Know (The Format)
Respected Man: 4-1 (27-30-2)
Cautionary Tale: 1-4 (27-30-2)
That's so close.
Arkansas @ Old Mist (-3.5)
Georgia (-14) vs Florida
Vanderbilt @ South Carolina (-6.5)
Missouri (-11.5) @ UConn
Mississippi St (-1) @ TAMU
Tennessee @ Kentucky (-5.5)
Meanwhile, the (I guess) three best teams in the West (right now) are "takin er easy."
Respected Man: 4-1 (27-30-2)
Cautionary Tale: 1-4 (27-30-2)
That's so close.
Arkansas @ Old Mist (-3.5)
Georgia (-14) vs Florida
Vanderbilt @ South Carolina (-6.5)
Missouri (-11.5) @ UConn
Mississippi St (-1) @ TAMU
Tennessee @ Kentucky (-5.5)
Meanwhile, the (I guess) three best teams in the West (right now) are "takin er easy."
Thursday, October 19, 2017
ittsa meee tha capptaaain
This week's theme: its pasta baby
Missouri -14.5 spaghetti's long and thin
Tennessee +35.5 angel hair's long and thinner
Kentucky +11.5 if pasta's in your kitchen
Old Mist +6.5 then cook some up for dinner
Arkansas +15.5 thank you
This is definitely the weekend this thing gets sat upon its head.
Missouri -14.5 spaghetti's long and thin
Tennessee +35.5 angel hair's long and thinner
Kentucky +11.5 if pasta's in your kitchen
Old Mist +6.5 then cook some up for dinner
Arkansas +15.5 thank you
This is definitely the weekend this thing gets sat upon its head.
picks
According to most, basketball players invented the high five. That's fitting, because these five games are high on my list of things to watch this weekend.
Idaho (+14.5) I don't know a lot about Idaho.
Alabama (-35.5) Ah, ah, duh!
Mississippi State (-11.5) This is a really tough pick. I don't think Kentucky is as good as their record. Predicting a 13 point win.
LSU (-6.5) LSU is a team on the rise, Ole Miss is a team on the decline.
Auburn (-15.5) So, Malzahn's thing is that he can smash less talented teams, but he can't beat teams of roughly equal talent, right?
Idaho (+14.5) I don't know a lot about Idaho.
Alabama (-35.5) Ah, ah, duh!
Mississippi State (-11.5) This is a really tough pick. I don't think Kentucky is as good as their record. Predicting a 13 point win.
LSU (-6.5) LSU is a team on the rise, Ole Miss is a team on the decline.
Auburn (-15.5) So, Malzahn's thing is that he can smash less talented teams, but he can't beat teams of roughly equal talent, right?
Wednesday, October 18, 2017
Week Ate
SIRENS SIRENS SOMEBODY AT .500 ALERT PLEASE REMAIN CALM
The proud American West: 4-3 (26-26-2)
The fickle unpatriot CharleSSR: 4-3 (23-29-2)
Like a third of the conference is off this week.
Idaho at Missouri (-14.5)
Tennessee at Alabama (-35.5)
Kentuckums at Mississippi State (-11.5)
LSU (-6.5) at Old Mist
Auburn (-15.5) at Arkansas
Awfully off: Florida, Georgia, South Carolina, TAMU, Vanderbilt
The proud American West: 4-3 (26-26-2)
The fickle unpatriot CharleSSR: 4-3 (23-29-2)
Like a third of the conference is off this week.
Idaho at Missouri (-14.5)
Tennessee at Alabama (-35.5)
Kentuckums at Mississippi State (-11.5)
LSU (-6.5) at Old Mist
Auburn (-15.5) at Arkansas
Awfully off: Florida, Georgia, South Carolina, TAMU, Vanderbilt
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