From Tha Captainz Exploration Journal

... because I've never seen ice crystals like these. The way they reflect off the She-Polar-Bear's back makes my already stiff cock ache with blood and semen. This ice cavern is cold and almost blindingly bright from the bioluminescent algae but the inside of the bear is warm and dark.

Exploding inside her, I can only think of one thing. Will we be together forever? No. As the pick-axe penetrates her brain, I swear I see a spirit leave her body and enter mine. Maybe we will be together forever.

One cigarette and a shot of gin for the long hike down the glacier. Finally warm inside. I can't get over those ice crystals...

Bad clients

"I want this site to be really beautiful; a truly iconic web design. Something like Google, YouTube, or MySpace."

---

"The proof just has too much purple. Can you just pull out some of the purple ink? Like 2%?"

Clients from Hell

3E Presents: Catchphrase Friday

You want to be the coolest cat on the block? You've got to have a catchphrase! With the weekend coming up, 3E is here to help. Now, everybody has a friend who likes to tell a big story. Next time they're telling a tall tale about beating up some biker or getting with a hot Asian chick, you lay 'em low with your own little bit of life trivia:

"That's nothing compared to the time me and Wes got caught having a naked tickle fight back stage at a Beyonce concert."

And, if somebody doubts your story, finish up with:

"Well, we was all tripping pretty hard, so the three of us just ended up making out for a while."

Be the coolest guy around this Friday, 'cause it's Catchphrase Friday.

some countries and then some numbers

So they had the group draw for the World Cup last week. You're not an insulated retard. You knew that. 3E will be doing a lavish, no-holds-barred preview over the coming months. You're not an insulated retard. You knew that. Since you might very well be an insulated retard here are the groups. Next to each team is the 3E Power Factor Soccer Edition Enhanced™. What does it mean? Bigger is better. It's science, you clowns.

Group A:
South Africa (- 15)
Mexico (+2)
Uruguay (-4)
France (+9)

Power Factor™ Total: (-8)

Group B:
Argentina (+11)
Nigeria (-7)
South Korea (-12)
Greece (+4)

Power Factor™ Total: (-4)

Group C:
England (+10)
USA (+7)
Algeria (-6)
Slovenia (-13)

Power Factor™ Total: (-2)

Group D:
Germany (+12)
Australia (-3)
Serbia (-1)
Ghana (-10)

Power Factor™ Total: (-2)

Group E:
Netherlands (+14)
Denmark (-5)
Japan (-11)
Cameroon (+5)

Power Factor™ Total: (+3)

Group F:
Italy (+13)
Paraguay (-2)
New Zealand (-14)
Slovakia (-8)

Power Factor™ Total: (-11)

Group H:
Brazil (+16)
North Korea (-16)
Ivory Coast (+1)
Portugal (+8)

Power Factor™ Total: (+ 9)

Group G:
Spain (+15)
Switzerland (+6)
Honduras (-9)
Chile (+3)

Power Factor™ Total: (+15)

Stomp clap

Stomp clap stomp stomp clap

slow loris

adorable

3E Presents: A Top 21 Things on the Internet: #7 Mobile Lephrechaun

The best part of this is the amateur sketch.

So, Alabama is alright, I guess, as far as states go. But it has its share of idiots and slow news days. Combine the two: magic.

On The Office

1. The Office is the most depressing show on television

Suddenly, a romance that seemed like the natural progression for two quietly charming people revealed itself to be much more depressing.

All of Jim and Pam's witty asides and eyerolls in response to their officemates' antics have stopped being expressions of untapped potential and started to look like passive-aggressive attempts to undermine their peers—who are the only people who will socialize with them.

For audiences, Jim—more so than Pam—has served as a pressure valve for all of the overstimulated personalities on the show by responding to his absurd coworkers the only rational way: with sarcasm and bafflement. The whole point of Jim was that he held the promise that at some point he would get his act together enough to break out of the confines of Dunder Mifflin. He's the relatable protagonist for anyone (read: everyone) who has ever been trapped in a middling situation and found the only defense to be sarcasm and bemusement.

Now Jim has developed into the most depressing archetype: a mediocre man who has already realized his full potential.

Gone is Jim's charming lack of enthusiasm for his job. Now he's proving exactly where a lack of drive is likely to lead you—to the mediocrity of middle management, where one is gripped by the fear of losing whatever corner of inanity you've carved for yourself in the workplace.

2. Jumping the Shark and the Bear Market

The Office avoided this phenomenon by marrying off Jim and Pam rather humbly, by avoiding "very special episodes" and dramatic cliff-hangers. What it couldn't avoid was a Bear Market.

The show, which I still count among my all-time favorites, has lost its teeth.

We just don't hate work anymore. At least not collectively. And it would be imprudent to sit around jawing and joshing about the hassles of the job when so many people would love the same hassles.

The show, then, is a kind of bellweather.

Witness. Two weeks after the financial dizzy spell, one of the show's best episodes aired. Michael goes on a business trip to Winnipeg. Meanwhile, Pam is finally away at art school, living her dream. In the early days, the business trip would have been a pathetic, desolate situation set against the big-city, self-actualizing activity of Pam's graphic design. There would have been a message about the quiet desperation of employment. (And, for good measure, the quiet desperation of Western Canada).

Instead, Winnipeg turns out to be surprisingly fun and Pam fails art school.

In an amazing moment of both downward mobility and romance, she tells Jim, "I'm coming back the wrong way. It's not because of you. I don't like Graphic design. That's it. I miss Scranton. It's not because of you." She smiles.

Sure, Pam has a tall, hunky Polish fella to come back to, but the fact remains that, after five seasons, her career hasn't advanced and the river she'd always looked to as her way out has dried up. But characters trapped in their jobs come to love being trapped.

three(e) hundred dollars

Why is it that I always get a vaguely trashy feeling from the state of Oregon?

Oh, right.

Two links for the Cap'n

1. Cloud of Atlases

2. Flags by Colours

HEY YOU GUYS

IT'S ANOTHER MONDAY

TIME TO START THE WEEK

LET'S DO IT

it coming. get readz.

Eat the evidence

Story here

Flee the law Friday

Laptop steering wheel desk

Check out the comments.

Mario + Queen

3E Presents: A Top 21 Things on the Internet: #8 Latarian Milton

Nothing that kid ever does will be as awesome as this.

Get Real.

It's a Ruby Tuesday