reprinted without permish

An excerpt from Scott Varagona's The GTA Chronicles:

Friday, June 26, 2009 - Went with Sean to the “3E reunion” at Wes’s. It was beyond hilarious to hear him, Charles and John talking. I watched them play “Left for Dead.”

Saturday, June 27, 2009 - Today was the first day I ever cursed in front of my friends.
On this night, Sean somehow conned me into coming over to Wes’s “to see a movie,” without telling me the movie was actually the infamous Holy Mountain. Now, as fate would have it, a Charter cable guy had come to Wes’s apartment earlier to fix something, and he had pushed Wes’s TV table out of its proper place. That caused Kevin Tolliver’s viewing angle to be poor. So, Tolliver got up and started pulling the table back towards the wall. I decided to get up and help too, from the other side. But then, an object fell from the top of the TV. Instinctively, I reached out and caught it: turns out, it was an animal bone. Wes said: “I found that bone out in the woods... It’s never been washed.” I said: “It’s never been washed?... Son of a bitch!” and ran over to the sink to wash my hands like crazy. (And I mean, like CRAZY.) The others laughed and laughed. I’d never cursed like that around my friends before! There’s a first time for everything.

Other rivals include Arizona, BYU, and DeVry.

Phoenix Firebirds:

The University of Phoenix is the largest private university in America with over 200,000 students at branches nationwide. UP started in 1976, started athletics in 1980, and moved up to Division I in 1983.

In 1986, UP joined the WAC and won the conference championship in football its first four years, peaking as high as #8 in the poll in 1989. Phoenix, along with UNLV, dominated the NCAA Basketball scene in 1991 with amazing center Shaquille O'Neal. Phoenix peaked as high as #2 that year, but lost to UConn in a massive first round upset. With the amazing rise in Phoenix athletics and academics and with nearly one billion dollars in reserve, the Pac 10 extended an invitation in 1996, which it accepted.

From the fantastic Sports Argument Wiki

I wish more stuff like this happened

omg

Famously bad scene. Not new or noteworthy. But I did watch the entirety of Troll 2 today and the entire movie is approximately this poorly delivered. Recommended.

Just about the creepiest thing

Photographic tour of a Real Doll factory.

finally the Mel Gibson thing is interesting

The 20 Worst Mel Gibson Rant Quotes (Presented by Kittens)

what is this song about

Threads from Teh F0rUm as performed on stage

Bowling Alley. CHARLES and WEST sit at one lane. TEDWBROWN sits behind at an adjacent lane, reading.

CHARLES: My idea for a tragicomedy: on the night of 9/10/01, guy has first sexual experience in Tower 2, up against the glass window, leaving his drippings and soiled condoms etc all over the place. Next day, hilarity ensues when people ask, "Did you hear what happened at the World Trade Center?"

WEST: You disgust me. 9/11 should never be used for comedy, only for heavy-handed political pandering.

CHARLES: I think Giuliani's recent flame out shows that boat has long since sailed out.

WEST: And I think his flame ups have shown the ineffectiveness of Preparation H.

CHARLES sighs.

TEDWBROWN: (Without turning around) I agree with wes and the pandering.

WEST: On the other hand, pandering is such a human thing to do. It's what separates us from the animals. Except the panda.

CHARLES and WEST high five.

CHARLES: Nice. Because my politics fall fairly well into the "fringe" category, sometimes the websites I visit, even mainstream ones like Reason, have a lot of 9/11 truth movement types. It is a testament to the human spirit, and its ability to be foolish.

WEST: Because my sexual tastes fall fairly well into the "fringe" category, sometimes the websites I visit, even mainstream ones like freeones have a lot of blah blah blah. It's a testament to the human penis, and it's ability to be stuck into things.

CHARLES: I'm going to take that seriously and ask, what's fringe about your sexual tastes?

TEDWBROWN finally puts down his book and turns around, interested.

TEDWBROWN: I'm curious too.

WEST: Boobs, sticking dicks in pussies, stuff like that.

WEST makes vulgar hand gestures.

CHARLES: I was thinking scatalogical.

WEST: Gross.

TEDWBROWN: Way gross.

TEDWBROWN turns back around.

WEST: Gabe Gross.

ATTRACTIVE BLONDE walks by, wearing a t-shirt that says "I am at four lipsticks." CHARLES points.

CHARLES: I am at four lipsticks!

TEDWBROWN: Then you're not a pitbull.

WEST: You're a hockey mom.

CHARLES: How is a pitbull like a hockey mom? I've secretly filmed both of them urinating!

WEST: And Michael Vick has both of them buried in his back yard!

WEST and CHARLES high five. WEST exits, grabbing a bowling ball. TEDWBROWN continues to read.

CHARLES: Niiiiiiice. Speaking of black men, I'm still sticking with my original prediction of an Obama win, but not as large as I had expected.

TEDWBROWN: I agree with you. And I think it's ridiculous.

Reveal SCOTT who has been drunkenly sleeping out of sight next to TEDWBROWN.

SCOTT: OBAMA!!!

SCOTT groggily looks around. Hold for laughter/applause.

CHARLES: Scott, I have been trying to subtly disabuse ted of the notion that an Obama win will bring improvement or any meaningful change to America, and you aren't helping.

TEDWBROWN: Scott knows what's good for us.

TEDWBROWN pats SCOTT on the head. SCOTT smiles, eyes closed.

CHARLES: You might say he has the right prescription.

CHARLES winks in an exaggerated manner.

TEDWBROWN: The prescription is in my pants. BOOYAH!

TEDWBROWN points at his pants.

SCOTT: We learned in class today that voting for Obama will cure the common cold. Obama - he'll fix your shit.

SCOTT vomits and passes out.

TEDWBROWN: That's awesome.

TEDWBROWN shifts one seat away from SCOTT.

CHARLES: I don't know that I would trust a secret Muslim Kenyan to be my doctor. So, Scott, you're out.

TEDWBROWN: But you trust open Muslim Kenyans?

CHARLES: Well, if they're honest, yeah.

Scene.

Mario Monday

see also

Threads from Teh F0rUm as performed on stage

3E common room. Mid afternoon. RAWJERS, TEDWBROWN, and WEST sit on couches, loveseat. RAWJERS is playing Halo and seems barely interested in his surroundings. Enter CHARLES.

CHARLES: Ricardo Montalban, dead! We are a poorer nation.

WEST: Oh my God. I'm glad we watched STII:TWOK while we had the chance.

TEDWBROWN: And it's sad to think some people only know his name from a Burger King commercial.

CHARLES: I didn't even know he was in a BK commercial.

TEDWBROWN: Well I'd show you guys, but I can't find it. The one with two lions talking about rolling their r's.

CHARLES: That sounds silly. I'm glad you couldn't find it. Everyone should watch STII:TWOK. It is so awesome.

All nod in agreement.

WEST: Apparently, only 4 people in Jon Clark's two calculus II classes knew who he was.

TEDWBROWN'S phone rings. Exit TEDWBROWN.

CHARLES: I imagine if you said Fantasy Island to most undergraduates today, they would assume it had something to do with sex/pornography.

WEST: They make the same assumption when I talk about Back Seat Bangers or Captain Stabbin'.

Scattered laughter.

RAWJERS: I mostly know him as the dead guy from the title of this discussion.

Others look confused at RAWJERS'S awkward word choices.

CHARLES: John! I hope you are back for good.

Others look confused at CHARLES'S awkward word choices.

WEST: I just hope he lets us know when he gets the rest of that handjob.

RAWJERS: Unfortunately, the other half just involves me.

CHARLES: Either way, that's a video I want to watch.

WEST and CHARLES high five. RAWJERS farts.

Scene.

From Tha Captainz Exploration Journal

Anyone can see a tree fall. The hearing is nothing special either. To experience it in a meaningful way, one must smell it. The other senses demand satisfaction, so their subjugation is a must.

1. Always moonless night.
2. Wet moss in ears.

Flecks of bark against my face, eyes. In my mouth. This has to be the last one, I've been out here for hours. No real concept of time, of course. I repress the urge to scream, to take my hand off the trunk. We're one now, mighty oak. Our bloods entwine, warming my hand, my arm all the way up to the shoulder. Flecks of bone against my face, eyes. In my mouth. The chainsaw finds release and the oak creaks and shudders as it begins its short trek inexorably towards the earth. The last one. Has to be. I don't have much arm left. I make camp and prepare for sleep.

1. Hot engine seals arm no more blood.
2. Lay down.

The morning will reveal the new forest. A humble forest no longer so vain as to reach toward the sky and away from the earth that nurtures it. A forest with a slope of zero rather than one undefined. The earth prefers her children not to divide by zero.

Because I couldn't find any Bezoar...

let's go with grindcore instead.

Tri Epsilon Summer Meeting Report

Success!

Two links

1. Briker

2. LIE BLOG

this just in: goats are adorable

Monday Bluegrass Metal Cover

Eating

The specialization of production induces specialization of consumption. Patrons of the entertainment industry, for example, entertain themselves less and less and have become more and more passively dependent on commercial suppliers. This is certainly true also of patrons of the food industry, who have tended more and more to be mere consumers — passive, uncritical, and dependent. Indeed, this sort of consumption may be said to be one of the chief goals of industrial production. The food industrialists have by now persuaded millions of consumers to prefer food that is already prepared. They will grow, deliver, and cook your food for you and (just like your mother) beg you to eat it. That they do not yet offer to insert it, prechewed, into our mouth is only because they have found no profitable way to do so. We may rest assured that they would be glad to find such a way. The ideal industrial food consumer would be strapped to a table with a tube running from the food factory directly into his or her stomach.

Perhaps I exaggerate, but not by much. The industrial eater is, in fact, one who does not know that eating is an agricultural act, who no longer knows or imagines the connections between eating and the land, and who is therefore necessarily passive and uncritical — in short, a victim. When food, in the minds of eaters, is no longer associated with farming and with the land, then the eaters are suffering a kind of cultural amnesia that is misleading and dangerous. The current version of the "dream home" of the future involves "effortless" shopping from a list of available goods on a television monitor and heating precooked food by remote control. Of course, this implies and depends on, a perfect ignorance of the history of the food that is consumed. It requires that the citizenry should give up their hereditary and sensible aversion to buying a pig in a poke. It wishes to make the selling of pigs in pokes an honorable and glamorous activity. The dreams in this dream home will perforce know nothing about the kind or quality of this food, or where it came from, or how it was produced and prepared, or what ingredients, additives, and residues it contains — unless, that is, the dreamer undertakes a close and constant study of the food industry, in which case he or she might as well wake up and play an active an responsible part in the economy of food.

Wendell Berry, "The Pleasures of Eating"

this just in

changes found on Uruguay's Wikipedia page:

HANDBALL CHEATERS (pronounced /CHEEEEEEEE-TERS/ ( listen), Spanish pronunciation: [uɾuˈɣwai]), officially the Oriental Republic of Soccer Cheating Uruguay^[1][4]

teehee.

3E fan nonfiction

SCENE IV. The court.

Enter JUICEBOT, with BAGOT and GREEN at one door; and the DUKE OF AUMERLE at another

JUICEBOT

We did observe. Cousin Aumerle,
How far brought you high Hereford on his way?

DUKE OF AUMERLE

I brought high Hereford, if you call him so,
But to the next highway, and there I left him.

JUICEBOT

And say, what store of parting tears were shed?

DUKE OF AUMERLE

Faith, none for me; except the north-east wind,
Which then blew bitterly against our faces,
Awaked the sleeping rheum, and so by chance
Did grace our hollow parting with a tear.

JUICEBOT

What said our cousin when you parted with him?

DUKE OF AUMERLE

'Farewell:'
And, for my heart disdained that my tongue
Should so profane the word, that taught me craft
To counterfeit oppression of such grief
That words seem'd buried in my sorrow's grave.
Marry, would the word 'farewell' have lengthen'd hours
And added years to his short banishment,
He should have had a volume of farewells;
But since it would not, he had none of me.

JUICEBOT

He is our cousin, cousin; but 'tis doubt,
When time shall call him home from banishment,
Whether our kinsman come to see his friends.
Ourself and Bushy, Bagot here and Green
Observed his courtship to the common people;
How he did seem to dive into their hearts
With humble and familiar courtesy,
What reverence he did throw away on slaves,
Wooing poor craftsmen with the craft of smiles
And patient underbearing of his fortune,
As 'twere to banish their affects with him.
Off goes his bonnet to an oyster-wench;
A brace of draymen bid God speed him well
And had the tribute of his supple knee,
With 'Thanks, my countrymen, my loving friends;'
As were our England in reversion his,
And he our subjects' next degree in hope.

GREEN

Well, he is gone; and with him go these thoughts.
Now for the rebels which stand out in Ireland,
Expedient manage must be made, my liege,
Ere further leisure yield them further means
For their advantage and your highness' loss.

JUICEBOT

We will ourself in person to this war:
And, for our coffers, with too great a court
And liberal largess, are grown somewhat light,
We are inforced to farm our royal realm;
The revenue whereof shall furnish us
For our affairs in hand: if that come short,
Our substitutes at home shall have blank charters;
Whereto, when they shall know what men are rich,
They shall subscribe them for large sums of gold
And send them after to supply our wants;
For we will make for Ireland presently.

Enter BUSHY

Bushy, what news?

BUSHY

Old John of Gaunt is grievous sick, my lord,
Suddenly taken; and hath sent post haste
To entreat your majesty to visit him.

JUICEBOT

Where lies he?

BUSHY

At Ely House.

JUICEBOT

Now put it, God, in the physician's mind
To help him to his grave immediately!
The lining of his coffers shall make coats
To deck our soldiers for these Irish wars.
Come, gentlemen, let's all go visit him:
Pray God we may make haste, and come too late!

All

Amen.

Exeunt

Friday links

Think you're fit? What about ZombieFit?

Unrelated: several 3E birthdays are coming up. Don't know what to get?

It would take 117 days to crack my password system.