Seventh Heaven (tv show)

Another exciting week of football picking action.

Charles: 3-4 (27-21)
Cap: 4-3 (23-25)


Florida (-7) @ Vanderbilt

Tennessee @ Auburn (-15.5)

Georgia (-7.5) @ LSU

Texas A&M (-2) @ South Carolina

Missouri @ Alabama (-28)

Old Mist (-6.5) @ Arkansas

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The Very Nice Bookie:
Charles: $627.08
Cap: $1,271.47

gator ate your granny

WELCOME TO SPOOKY SEASON

Weak sex. heh heh.


Missouri +1  I've turned on South Carolina.

Arkansas +35  hahaha why

LSU -2.5  mmmm seems wrong now that I typed it

Old Mist -22.5  deadline's comin up gotta say something about this game!!! gaah. I'm sweating bullets here!!! ack!! the clock is ticking so loud in my head its shakin my fillings, man!!! AAAAGGGHHHH. I'm just kidding about most of that, but I am about to leave work. hello future, I am typing this at 4:07!!! ok lets publish this bitch.

TAMU -5.5  Going to continue to doubt the cats until they change the name of their stadium. Kroger Field. c'mon man

Vandy +26.5  *goofy face emoji* I'm a dumb idiot *plummeting stocks emoji*

Mississippi State +3.5  this feels like the breaking point in one of those classic auburn disaster seasons. luckily I will be in a public place (Mexican bistro) as this unfolds.

---

Because it was so fun I'm going to do something fun again. I have $1205.65 (not real!) and I will responsibly hold back the traditional 69 cents "just in case."

1) $1,175.79 on those stinky Georgia bull dogs to win straight up at +5000. I stand to win $23.52.
2) $29.17 on those stinky Mississippi State bull dogs to win straight up at +145. I stand to win $42.30.

woof woof! those bull dogs are barking!

pumpkin spice season picks!

South Carolina (-1) seems right (3 tablespoons cinnamon)
Arkansas (+35) It looks like Arkansas is getting better? This is not a nice bookie game. (2 teaspoons ginger)
LSU (-2.5) I was real hopped up to take the under on this no matter what, but ~43 is so low! gonna do it anyway (2 teaspoons nutmeg)
Ole Miss (-22.5) sure (1.5 teaspoon allspice)
Kentucky (+5.5) I BELIEVE. WILDCATS (1.5 teaspoon cloves)
Vandy (+26.5) man I don't know (mix it up really nice)
Auburn (-3.5) I can't wait for Auburn to lose this game 6-4 (now you've got some pumpkin spice)

---------

"the nice bookie":  $850.08 means betting at least $212.52.

$60 on LSU-Florida to go under $43.5
$110 on LSU straight up over Florida, to win $135
$20 on ULM-Old Mist to go under 76
$33 on Kentucky straight up over TAMU, to win $55.50

week six take pix

A whiz in the sheets: 3-4 (18-23)
A dog dropping beats: 6-1 (24-17)

ack!

Missouri at South Carolina (-1)
Alabama (-35) at Arkansas
LSU (-2.5) at Florida
UL-Monroe at Ole Miss (-22.5)
Kentucky at TAMU (-5.5)
Vandy at Georgia (-26.5)
Auburn (-3.5) at Mississississippi State

ack! ack!

"the nice bookie":

future Biff: $1205.65
current Stiff: $850.08

(angrily jumping out of my chair) What is this crap?

Them games is some nonsense.

UL-Lafayette (+49) who bets this line

Arkansas (+21) TAMU is a lot better than Arkansas, but this seems like a big line

Tennessee (+32) Georgia is a lot better than Tennessee, but this seems like a big line

Southern Miss (+27) Auburn is a lot better than Southern Miss, but this seems like a big line

Florida (+7.5) RIP Jefferson Pilot Sports

Kentucky (-2) It's pretty cool that this is the best game of the week

Old Mist (+12) picking a whole buncha dogs tonight

____

I got $836.44 for the nice bookie.

$100 on Southern Miss at Auburn to go under 53.5 points
$100 on Georgia-Tennessee to go over 52 points
$25 on LSU-Ole Miss to go over 59.5

Five for betting (like five for fighting?) sure. but wrong.

Siri show me a bunch of garbage

Alabama -49  This will probably be wrong, but then again maybe it won't. But it will.

Texas A&M -21  Man I don't know. This is also probably wrong. Whatever.

Tennessee +32  I keep doing this for some reason. Wrong.

Southern Miss +27   I also keep doing this (doubting Gus and the boys). Wrong.

Florida +7.5  This is the only one of which I'm confident. Which means it will be way wrong.

South Carolina +2  Gotta dance with the lady what WRONG

LSU -12   so wrong

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I am going to spice things up:

1) $991.96 on... GEORGIA (straight up)!!! At -13500, I stand to win $7.35.

2) $55.58 on Florida (the Gators) straight up at +270. I stand to win $150.07.

Please note that if chalk holds and I win bet 1) but lose bet 2), my bankroll will be exactly $1000.00. Calculating the bets necessary to do that is the most rewarding thing I will do all year.

I elected not to stick with the Tide at -216000 which would have netted me 49 cents.

*In a piercing falsetto* Week Five

Thus begins "the separating..."

Charlie Football: 5-3 (18-16)
Captain Doofus: 3-5 (15-19)

So many points.

UL-Lafayette @ Alabama (-49)

Arkansas vs Texas A&M (-21)

Tennessee @ Georgia (-32)

Southern Miss @ Auburn (-27)

Florida @ Mississippi State (-7.5)

South Carolina @ Kentucky (-2)

Old Mist @ LSU (-12)

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The "Nice Bookie"

Solid Gold Charles: $836.44
Sordid Mold Captain: $1048.23

five for betting (like five for fighting)

Georgia (-14.5) So far, picking a bad outcome would be a good betting strategy for me.

Kent State (+29) Kent State's pretty bad but this is a real big line. As we've discussed, who knows what to do with a line like this?

TAMU (+26) idiot

South Carolina (-2) sure

Mississississippi State (-9.5) This line seems a little bit low to me, but what do I know. nothing.

Tennessee (+4.5) I am officially predicting Florida to win but not cover.

La Tech (+21) Hangover, also LSU plays that grind it out grind it out offense

Auburn (-30) idiot

________

"the nice bookie"
$740.94 means I am betting at least $185.24. The bets have not been kind to me. I still like my strategy, except it's just wrong and dumb.

$11 on TAMU to win straight up, to win $300
$22 on Georgia-Missouri to go over 64.5
$33 on Louisiana Tech to cover (+21) against LSU
$44 on Florida-Tennessee to go over 46.5
$97.50 on Georgia to win straight up, to win $16.50.

dont turn around oh ooohhh Der Kapitan's in town ohh ooooohhh

GAH i forgot to publish!!! ack!


Georgia -14.5  Georgia won at South Carolina by more than this and Missouri almost lost to Purdue.

Old Mist -29  Kent read, Kent write, Kent get enough of your love baby.

Alabama -26  Oh no.

South Carolina -2  This will be wrong but South Carolina is my lucky totem.

Kentucky +9.5  Welcome to Kroger Field: Home of the Kentucky Wildcats.

Tennessee +4.5  Really think Tennessee is about to turn the corner.

La Tech +21 This seems like the kind of game in which LSU screws around, especially in a season they beat Auburn. Also LSU will lose to Alabama by 5 touchdowns.

Arkansas +30  guh

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moneymoney moooney... mooooooonneey:

The real bookies are on to me. The best I can get is -4000 on THE TIDE. So, $1021.99 of my $1022.68 on THE TIDE at -4000 it is. I stand to win a cool $25.55.

week for fun

Future president: 4-6 (12-14)
Future precedent: 5-5 (13-13)

This week's contests are mostly big lines but some interesting games:
Georgia (-14.5) at Missouri
Kent State at Old Mist (-29)
TAMU at Alabama (-26)
South Carolina (-2) at Vandy
Mississississippi State (-9.5) at Kentucky
Florida (-4.5) at Tennessee (Tennessee)
La Tech at LSU (-21)
Arkansas at Auburn (-30)

________

"the nice bookie"
Rich man: $1022.68
Poor man: $740.94

week three's the story of the hurricane

Which made them cancel the SC game
It was a game that's kind of dumb
but least Marshall didn't get on
an aeroooooplaaaane

Lots of picks!

Tennessee (-30) sure

Vanderbilt (+14.5) This is a big line that's solely so big because of the names of the teams, right?

LSU (+9.5) Auburn winning but not covering seems most likely here. The over-under on this game is so low, and that throws off my strategy for the bets below.

Florida (-20.5) lmao

Arkansas (-7) like Florida, lmao. Also, I think (without evidence) good teams who get upset are more likely to get mad at the next home game.

Alabama (-21) sick

Georgia (-32.5) now here's a game I hate

UL-Lafayette (-33.5) seems like a big line

UL-Monroe (+26.5) hangover effect

Missouri (-7) I feel like in 1999 I would have had very strong feelings about this game

_______

Cash money homies. Betting from $883.42, so betting at least $220.86.

$11 on Old Mist straight up, to win $120
$51.25 on Auburn straight up, to win $13.75
$55 on Purdue straight up, to win $102.50
$22.50 on Vanderbilt straight up, to win $175
$30 on Vanderbilt to cover +14.5
$30 UTEP-Tennessee to go over 47.5 points

Third Week from the Sun

Looking forward to going 0-11.

Tennessee -30  Seem like UTEP is really bad? A lot of points there, but Tennessee will want to put on a good show for their fans.

Notre Dame -14.5  I think Brian is a funny name for a man who wishes to be taken seriously. But I think Brian's boys will get it done.

LSU +9.5 Puhhh-leeeease.

Florida -20.5 Bounceback. Gators got a little something for 'em.

Arkansas -7 Bounceback. Hogs got a little something for 'em.

Alabama -21 All I got to say is I got nothing to say.

MTSU +32.5 I have no idea what to do with the four 26-plus point games (Tenn, MissSt, UGA, and TAMU). Pretty much just decided I needed two dogs and two faves and then just went wild.

UL-Lafayette +33.5 Yeah.

Texas A&M -26.5 Sure.

Missouri -7 Hardest game to pick because it seems like the line should be higher? Like someone is trying to trick me. I'm to smart for that.

Marshall +13.5 If this wasn't such a fiercely contested and eagerly anticipated rivalry game, I might almost expect them to just cancel the damn thing. If they do play, there might not be 14 total points scored. UPDATE: OK. They canceled it.

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Time to toss some paper:

I am, of course, betting $936.82 (squirreling away 69 cents to have next time just in case) on the very famous football team the Tide to beat Old Mist at -1100. I stand to win $85.17.

week 3(E)

In lock-step once again:

The mensch Charles: 3-5 (8-8)
The wench Wes: 3-5 (8-8)

"The Nice Bookie:"
C: $883.42 ($220.86)
Tha C: $937.51 ($234.38)

The number in parentheses is of course what you have to wager this week. you will notice that my number is larger than yours. that's because I have more money than you.

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FUN FACT: This is the most valid games we've had in any weekend that wasn't the first weekend of a season.

NOT FUN FACT: the forecast for that south Carolina game is rain, I would guess.


UTEP @ Tennessee (-30)

Vanderbilt @ Notre Dang (-14.5)

LSU @ Auburn (-9.5)

Colorado St. @ Florida (-20.5)

North Texas @ Arkansas (-7)

Alabama (-21) @ Old Mist

MTSU @ Georgia (-32.5)

UL-Lafayette @ Mississippi St. (-33.5)

UL-Monroe @ Texas A&M (-26.5)

Missouri (-7) @ Purdue

Marshall @ South Carolina (-13.5)

SSE: a few things got crossed out

werk twerk

Mississippi State (-9.5) not confident about that

Vanderbilt (-9) also not confident

Arkansas State (+36.5) idiot

Georgia (-10) going with what would be worse

Wyoming (+17) another tight one

Clemson (-12.5) statement game

Arkansas (-13) book it

Florida (-14) several favorites this week, seems like that's a mistake

MONEY THING

I have $940.91 and so have to bet at least $235.23. These odds come from Bovada as of 3:00pmish. Going to try to climb back up gradually in a week I don't see a lot of sure bets.

I'll bet $110 on Florida to beat Kentucky, to win $21
I'll bet $90 on Clemson to beat TAMU to win $22
I'll bet $40 on Georgia beating South Carolina, to win $11.50
I'll bet $10 on Mississippi State vs. Kansas to go under 54 points
I'll bet $10.91 on Missouri-Wyoming to go over 52 points

WEEK TWO: In honor of space mountain, i'm going to call this "space weekend"

space mountain is crazy I bet. roller coaster in the dark. wouldn't do that, myself. but, man. sounds crazy! that's kind of what picking all these great matchups is like for me!

Kansas State +9.5 Space Mountain Fact: space mountain was built in 1943.

Vanderbilt -9  Space Mountain Fact: space mountain is property of the Disney corp.

Alabama -36.5  Space Mountain Fact: space mountain is the darkest roller coaster in the world.

South Carolina +10  Space Mountain Fact: the first president to ride space mountain was ike Eisenhower.

Wyoming +17  Space Mountain Fact: 4 people have died in space mountain.

Clemson -12.5  Space Mountain Fact: space mountain is not actually in space, but rather it is at Disney.

Arkansas -13  Space Mountain Fact: no food or drinks are allowed on space mountain.

Kentucky +14  Space Mountain Fact: space mountain goes 100 miles per hour.


the wager of sin is death:
I am betting all $934.50 on Alabama to win straight up at -31050. I stand to win $3.01. This is the only way I will not lose money this weekend.


WELCOME TO SPACE WEEKEND

it's already exhausting

Chap Smear: 5-3 (5-3)
Caps Cheer: 5-3 (5-3)

This could be an interesting week, although I don't think it will be.

Mississippi State (-9.5) at Kansas State
Nevada at Vanderbilt (-9)
Arkansas State at Alabama (-36.5)
Georgia (-10) at South Carolina
Wyoming at Missouri (-17)
Clemson (12.5) at TAMU
Arkansas (-13) at Colorado State for some reason
Kentucky at Florida (-14)

The lineless: Auburn, Old Mist, LSU, Tennessee

"the nice bookie":
me: $940.91
you: $934.50

well let's get to it

Coastal Carolina (+29.5) Hard to guess it. I have to imagine South Carolina is looking ahead, right? But Will Muschamp wants to look spread-y. Hard. This is a game where, writing it right now, I feel like I am going to go back and change it tomorrow. (update: I did)

Old Mist (+2.5) I think this line is pro-Texas Tech because people think TTU is close to Houston, when really it's literally thousands of miles away.

Auburn (-1.5) I'm a fool.

West Virginia (-10) NEERS

Central Michigan (+17) I guess?

Vanderbilt (-2.5) Just thinking about betting this game makes me feel like a degenerate gambler.

Louisville (+24.5) This will not be a pretty football game. 35-13, exactly not covering the spread.

Miami (-3.5) I am tired of neutral-site games. I guess this is closer to LSU, but I don't think LSU is that good. LSU has more talent but I think worse coaching, which makes this tough. I kind of worry Miami will win but not cover, some 26-24 nonsense.

---NEW THING---

All of my bets this season will be based on odds recorded on my TheScore app.

My bets: Louisville-Alabama will go under 62.5 points ($150)
Washington-Auburn will go under 48.5 points ($100)

Can you believe its 2018 and there are still only 2 people competing in this thing

Before reading these, imagine me doing the thing where LeBron throws chalk up in the air before a game but it mostly just gets in my face and I'm sneezing for half an hour. Also I have the body of a horse and the head of a lion.

south Carolina -29.5 south Carolina was my top performer last year so this year I'm going to keep "riding the cocks." Computer erase that. ah, crap

old mist +2.5 the rebs will want to go a good job for their fans

Kentucky -17  Kentucky's stadium is called Kroger field.

Washington +1.5 I am so confident that I intentionally used the 1.5 point line instead of the more common 2.5. "We don't need any stinking points" - Washington

Tennessee +10 why is it in charlotte

Vanderbilt -2.5 Remember when Vanderbilt played Alabama last year and gameday was maybe there and then Alabama won like 40-0

BAM -24.5  Alabama has been a 12 and a 7 point favorite and covered the last two years against ultimately disappointing USC and Flo-Rida State teams. What does that tell me about this large point spread? Nothing; I refuse to learn anything new.

LSU +3.5 yo yo yo yo yooo yo yoooo yo brent Schaefer



ok here are my wagers.

$100 on Tennessee to win straight up (+300, I stand to win $300)
$100 on Washington to win straight up (+110, I stand to win $110)
$110 on under 48.5 points in Auburn/Washington (-110, I stand to win $100)
And last but not least, I wager my final $690 on Alabama to win straight up (-2000, I stand to win $34.50)

Wow. You can really tell I didn't feel like posting that last night.

But I wanted it out there. I wanted you to have plenty of time to plan.

Stuff I should have put in the post last night:

History:

2016:
Chard: 50-45-2, 51.55%
Tha Cab: 44-51-2, 45.36%

20-21-1 on agreed results.
30-24-1 to you on polite disagreements.

2017:
Chuckamauga: 49-46-3, 50%
Capybara: 45-50-3, 45.92%

28-29-1 when our minds were in sync.
21-17-2 in your favor when our friendship was on the brink.



I guess usually the picks should be in on Thursday afternoons at 5.