seven A.M. woke in the morning With Hen and caffeine and green and nicotine

would you say eight is ........ enough

Tulsa (+7) If Auburn played Arkansas right now, Auburn would lose, but that doesn't mean Arkansas can cover against Tulsa.

Old Mist (+4) I liked -3 a lot better than -4, which is a weird thing to say.

Tennessee (+28.5) Seems like a big line? Who the heck knows. I'm expecting a nutty 56-35 kind of game.

Memphis (+9.5) nah

Mississiisssipppsiispiss State (+6.5). thanks fella. I'm officially predicting a two-point LSU victory.

Kentucky (-11.5) Finally picking a favorite! I'm less pro-Kentucky than I am anti-Vandy.

$$$$$$$$$$$$

"the lice bookie"

Playin' with $769.80, bettin' at least $192.45, lookin' for a good week to get out of the red.

$150 on Kentucky to cover -11.5 against Vanderbilt
$50 on Alabama-Tennessee to go over 56.5
$10 on Tennessee to win, to win $200

Week Eight season's really flyin by huh

duuuurrrrrrrrrr


Arkansas -7  I don't know why I still think Arkansas is good.

Old Mist +4  *labored breathing*

Alabama -28.5  Oh god

Memphis +9.5   Sure. Picked this to even out my faves/dogs.

LSU -6.5  As often happens, this doesn't look right when I type it out but whatever.

Vanderbilt +11.5  Game will be played at Kroger Field. C'mon man.

---

Imma sling this 12 hundy (really I'm only slinging $1,199.31 but when you're rich it don't matter)

1) $1,083.83 on tua and the boys straight up at -7000. Gimme dat $15.48 baby.

2) Tha Captainz Upset Special: oh you know I had to do it $115.48 on America's Oldest Mist straight up at +170. Lemme hold $196.32 baby.

Week Eight (8): lines lines everywhere some lines

Week Eight. Wherein I not only have to do everyone else's job at work, I also have to do it on the blog.

WoodChuck: 3-3 (30-24)
CaptainSuck: 6-0 (29-25) perfection... it's never quite good enough...

To my smooth brain, these all look like great games.

Tulsa @ Arkansas (-7)

Auburn (-4) @ Old Mist

Alabama (-28.5) @ Tennessee

Memphis @ Missouri (-9.5)

Mississiisssipppsiispiss State {writing it like that because you do} @ LSU (-6.5)

Vanderbilt @ Kentucky (-11.5)

---

The Nice Wookie:

Charbacca: $769.80
Captain Solo: $1200.00 (still excited about how I did that)

lucky number Stefan, that would be a good nickname for someone named Stefan or maybe a Steven but not quite as good

Florida (-7) I feel like Vanderbilt underplays against equal or superior opponents

Tennessee (+15.5) gettin' verrrrrrrrry nervous about this one. If Auburn is going to be remotely good this year, they smash the 45.5 o/u, but they aren't so they won't.

Georgia (-7.5) n- n- n- n- n- nightmare

Texas A&M (-2) sure

Missouri (+28) that's a big ole line!

Old Mist (-6.5) This is a tough pick, I went for the one that's worse for Auburn in terms of the Rebs getting better

$$$$$$$$$$$$

For "the nice bookie" I have only $627.08, so betting at least $156.77. I'm excited to be betting $12 on the SEC title game.

$100 on Florida to cover against Vanderbilt
$50 on Georgia-LSU to go over 50.5 points
$7 on Auburn-Tennessee to go over 45.5 points

Give a Hoot; Make Some Picks

Please do no stare directly at my picks.

Going to put use some images that have, apparently, been on this blog before. It should be pretty clear how each is tied to the respective game. I'm just kidding, they're random.


Florida -7 

Tennessee +15.5

LSU +7.5

Texas A&M -2

Alabama -28

Arkansas +6.5

---

I love to "splash the cash."

1) $1,182.42 on the Alabama Crimson Football Tide to "win straight up" at -7000. I stand to win $16.89.

2) $88.36 on my "Upset Special" of the week: Arkansas to win straight up at +220. I "stand" to win $194.39.

Eventually this has to come back and "bite me in the ass."

Seventh Heaven (tv show)

Another exciting week of football picking action.

Charles: 3-4 (27-21)
Cap: 4-3 (23-25)


Florida (-7) @ Vanderbilt

Tennessee @ Auburn (-15.5)

Georgia (-7.5) @ LSU

Texas A&M (-2) @ South Carolina

Missouri @ Alabama (-28)

Old Mist (-6.5) @ Arkansas

---

The Very Nice Bookie:
Charles: $627.08
Cap: $1,271.47

gator ate your granny

WELCOME TO SPOOKY SEASON

Weak sex. heh heh.


Missouri +1  I've turned on South Carolina.

Arkansas +35  hahaha why

LSU -2.5  mmmm seems wrong now that I typed it

Old Mist -22.5  deadline's comin up gotta say something about this game!!! gaah. I'm sweating bullets here!!! ack!! the clock is ticking so loud in my head its shakin my fillings, man!!! AAAAGGGHHHH. I'm just kidding about most of that, but I am about to leave work. hello future, I am typing this at 4:07!!! ok lets publish this bitch.

TAMU -5.5  Going to continue to doubt the cats until they change the name of their stadium. Kroger Field. c'mon man

Vandy +26.5  *goofy face emoji* I'm a dumb idiot *plummeting stocks emoji*

Mississippi State +3.5  this feels like the breaking point in one of those classic auburn disaster seasons. luckily I will be in a public place (Mexican bistro) as this unfolds.

---

Because it was so fun I'm going to do something fun again. I have $1205.65 (not real!) and I will responsibly hold back the traditional 69 cents "just in case."

1) $1,175.79 on those stinky Georgia bull dogs to win straight up at +5000. I stand to win $23.52.
2) $29.17 on those stinky Mississippi State bull dogs to win straight up at +145. I stand to win $42.30.

woof woof! those bull dogs are barking!

pumpkin spice season picks!

South Carolina (-1) seems right (3 tablespoons cinnamon)
Arkansas (+35) It looks like Arkansas is getting better? This is not a nice bookie game. (2 teaspoons ginger)
LSU (-2.5) I was real hopped up to take the under on this no matter what, but ~43 is so low! gonna do it anyway (2 teaspoons nutmeg)
Ole Miss (-22.5) sure (1.5 teaspoon allspice)
Kentucky (+5.5) I BELIEVE. WILDCATS (1.5 teaspoon cloves)
Vandy (+26.5) man I don't know (mix it up really nice)
Auburn (-3.5) I can't wait for Auburn to lose this game 6-4 (now you've got some pumpkin spice)

---------

"the nice bookie":  $850.08 means betting at least $212.52.

$60 on LSU-Florida to go under $43.5
$110 on LSU straight up over Florida, to win $135
$20 on ULM-Old Mist to go under 76
$33 on Kentucky straight up over TAMU, to win $55.50

week six take pix

A whiz in the sheets: 3-4 (18-23)
A dog dropping beats: 6-1 (24-17)

ack!

Missouri at South Carolina (-1)
Alabama (-35) at Arkansas
LSU (-2.5) at Florida
UL-Monroe at Ole Miss (-22.5)
Kentucky at TAMU (-5.5)
Vandy at Georgia (-26.5)
Auburn (-3.5) at Mississississippi State

ack! ack!

"the nice bookie":

future Biff: $1205.65
current Stiff: $850.08

(angrily jumping out of my chair) What is this crap?

Them games is some nonsense.

UL-Lafayette (+49) who bets this line

Arkansas (+21) TAMU is a lot better than Arkansas, but this seems like a big line

Tennessee (+32) Georgia is a lot better than Tennessee, but this seems like a big line

Southern Miss (+27) Auburn is a lot better than Southern Miss, but this seems like a big line

Florida (+7.5) RIP Jefferson Pilot Sports

Kentucky (-2) It's pretty cool that this is the best game of the week

Old Mist (+12) picking a whole buncha dogs tonight

____

I got $836.44 for the nice bookie.

$100 on Southern Miss at Auburn to go under 53.5 points
$100 on Georgia-Tennessee to go over 52 points
$25 on LSU-Ole Miss to go over 59.5

Five for betting (like five for fighting?) sure. but wrong.

Siri show me a bunch of garbage

Alabama -49  This will probably be wrong, but then again maybe it won't. But it will.

Texas A&M -21  Man I don't know. This is also probably wrong. Whatever.

Tennessee +32  I keep doing this for some reason. Wrong.

Southern Miss +27   I also keep doing this (doubting Gus and the boys). Wrong.

Florida +7.5  This is the only one of which I'm confident. Which means it will be way wrong.

South Carolina +2  Gotta dance with the lady what WRONG

LSU -12   so wrong

---

I am going to spice things up:

1) $991.96 on... GEORGIA (straight up)!!! At -13500, I stand to win $7.35.

2) $55.58 on Florida (the Gators) straight up at +270. I stand to win $150.07.

Please note that if chalk holds and I win bet 1) but lose bet 2), my bankroll will be exactly $1000.00. Calculating the bets necessary to do that is the most rewarding thing I will do all year.

I elected not to stick with the Tide at -216000 which would have netted me 49 cents.

*In a piercing falsetto* Week Five

Thus begins "the separating..."

Charlie Football: 5-3 (18-16)
Captain Doofus: 3-5 (15-19)

So many points.

UL-Lafayette @ Alabama (-49)

Arkansas vs Texas A&M (-21)

Tennessee @ Georgia (-32)

Southern Miss @ Auburn (-27)

Florida @ Mississippi State (-7.5)

South Carolina @ Kentucky (-2)

Old Mist @ LSU (-12)

---

The "Nice Bookie"

Solid Gold Charles: $836.44
Sordid Mold Captain: $1048.23

five for betting (like five for fighting)

Georgia (-14.5) So far, picking a bad outcome would be a good betting strategy for me.

Kent State (+29) Kent State's pretty bad but this is a real big line. As we've discussed, who knows what to do with a line like this?

TAMU (+26) idiot

South Carolina (-2) sure

Mississississippi State (-9.5) This line seems a little bit low to me, but what do I know. nothing.

Tennessee (+4.5) I am officially predicting Florida to win but not cover.

La Tech (+21) Hangover, also LSU plays that grind it out grind it out offense

Auburn (-30) idiot

________

"the nice bookie"
$740.94 means I am betting at least $185.24. The bets have not been kind to me. I still like my strategy, except it's just wrong and dumb.

$11 on TAMU to win straight up, to win $300
$22 on Georgia-Missouri to go over 64.5
$33 on Louisiana Tech to cover (+21) against LSU
$44 on Florida-Tennessee to go over 46.5
$97.50 on Georgia to win straight up, to win $16.50.

dont turn around oh ooohhh Der Kapitan's in town ohh ooooohhh

GAH i forgot to publish!!! ack!


Georgia -14.5  Georgia won at South Carolina by more than this and Missouri almost lost to Purdue.

Old Mist -29  Kent read, Kent write, Kent get enough of your love baby.

Alabama -26  Oh no.

South Carolina -2  This will be wrong but South Carolina is my lucky totem.

Kentucky +9.5  Welcome to Kroger Field: Home of the Kentucky Wildcats.

Tennessee +4.5  Really think Tennessee is about to turn the corner.

La Tech +21 This seems like the kind of game in which LSU screws around, especially in a season they beat Auburn. Also LSU will lose to Alabama by 5 touchdowns.

Arkansas +30  guh

---

moneymoney moooney... mooooooonneey:

The real bookies are on to me. The best I can get is -4000 on THE TIDE. So, $1021.99 of my $1022.68 on THE TIDE at -4000 it is. I stand to win a cool $25.55.

week for fun

Future president: 4-6 (12-14)
Future precedent: 5-5 (13-13)

This week's contests are mostly big lines but some interesting games:
Georgia (-14.5) at Missouri
Kent State at Old Mist (-29)
TAMU at Alabama (-26)
South Carolina (-2) at Vandy
Mississississippi State (-9.5) at Kentucky
Florida (-4.5) at Tennessee (Tennessee)
La Tech at LSU (-21)
Arkansas at Auburn (-30)

________

"the nice bookie"
Rich man: $1022.68
Poor man: $740.94

week three's the story of the hurricane

Which made them cancel the SC game
It was a game that's kind of dumb
but least Marshall didn't get on
an aeroooooplaaaane

Lots of picks!

Tennessee (-30) sure

Vanderbilt (+14.5) This is a big line that's solely so big because of the names of the teams, right?

LSU (+9.5) Auburn winning but not covering seems most likely here. The over-under on this game is so low, and that throws off my strategy for the bets below.

Florida (-20.5) lmao

Arkansas (-7) like Florida, lmao. Also, I think (without evidence) good teams who get upset are more likely to get mad at the next home game.

Alabama (-21) sick

Georgia (-32.5) now here's a game I hate

UL-Lafayette (-33.5) seems like a big line

UL-Monroe (+26.5) hangover effect

Missouri (-7) I feel like in 1999 I would have had very strong feelings about this game

_______

Cash money homies. Betting from $883.42, so betting at least $220.86.

$11 on Old Mist straight up, to win $120
$51.25 on Auburn straight up, to win $13.75
$55 on Purdue straight up, to win $102.50
$22.50 on Vanderbilt straight up, to win $175
$30 on Vanderbilt to cover +14.5
$30 UTEP-Tennessee to go over 47.5 points

Third Week from the Sun

Looking forward to going 0-11.

Tennessee -30  Seem like UTEP is really bad? A lot of points there, but Tennessee will want to put on a good show for their fans.

Notre Dame -14.5  I think Brian is a funny name for a man who wishes to be taken seriously. But I think Brian's boys will get it done.

LSU +9.5 Puhhh-leeeease.

Florida -20.5 Bounceback. Gators got a little something for 'em.

Arkansas -7 Bounceback. Hogs got a little something for 'em.

Alabama -21 All I got to say is I got nothing to say.

MTSU +32.5 I have no idea what to do with the four 26-plus point games (Tenn, MissSt, UGA, and TAMU). Pretty much just decided I needed two dogs and two faves and then just went wild.

UL-Lafayette +33.5 Yeah.

Texas A&M -26.5 Sure.

Missouri -7 Hardest game to pick because it seems like the line should be higher? Like someone is trying to trick me. I'm to smart for that.

Marshall +13.5 If this wasn't such a fiercely contested and eagerly anticipated rivalry game, I might almost expect them to just cancel the damn thing. If they do play, there might not be 14 total points scored. UPDATE: OK. They canceled it.

---

Time to toss some paper:

I am, of course, betting $936.82 (squirreling away 69 cents to have next time just in case) on the very famous football team the Tide to beat Old Mist at -1100. I stand to win $85.17.

week 3(E)

In lock-step once again:

The mensch Charles: 3-5 (8-8)
The wench Wes: 3-5 (8-8)

"The Nice Bookie:"
C: $883.42 ($220.86)
Tha C: $937.51 ($234.38)

The number in parentheses is of course what you have to wager this week. you will notice that my number is larger than yours. that's because I have more money than you.

---

FUN FACT: This is the most valid games we've had in any weekend that wasn't the first weekend of a season.

NOT FUN FACT: the forecast for that south Carolina game is rain, I would guess.


UTEP @ Tennessee (-30)

Vanderbilt @ Notre Dang (-14.5)

LSU @ Auburn (-9.5)

Colorado St. @ Florida (-20.5)

North Texas @ Arkansas (-7)

Alabama (-21) @ Old Mist

MTSU @ Georgia (-32.5)

UL-Lafayette @ Mississippi St. (-33.5)

UL-Monroe @ Texas A&M (-26.5)

Missouri (-7) @ Purdue

Marshall @ South Carolina (-13.5)

SSE: a few things got crossed out