Last Week (Overalls):
The Savvy Picker: 8-1 (17-19-1)
The Scabby Licker: 4-5 (18-18-1)
Ouch. That's gonna leave a mark!!!
4 teams off this week and 1 FCS game so we should be able to really focus on these picks. No excuses. I will be absolutely beside myself if I hear any excuses.
TAMU (-23.5) vs Arkansas (@ the CowboyDome)
Northern Illinois @ Vanderbilt (-6.5)
Old Mist @ Alabama (-35.5)
Mississippi St. @ Auburn (-11)
Kentucky @ South Carolina (-2.5)
$$$ Nice Book-E $$$
Makin It Rain: $1,099.00
Swirlin Down the Drain: $1,076.58
Gentlemen, start your pickins.
Tuesday, September 24, 2019
Thursday, September 19, 2019
(The Beatles voice): "When I Pick Week Four"
Florida (-14) It feels like only Yesterday that this game was a big-time matchup, rather than an idiot clown show. I'm not confident about Florida covering. Tennessee's loss to BYU seems better than it did before, after beating Southern Cal, but I got to stick with my gut. I won't change my pick; I'm going to Let It Be.
Alabama (-39) This game will trigger a Helter Skelter scenario on my blood pressure, and, I hope, in the USA as a whole.
Old Mist (-2) Much like JoJo, who wanted that California grass, Old Mist will get back to where they once belong: barely beating mediocre teams.
LSU (-23.5) Ed Oregon looked at that bad offense and said, We Can Work It Out, and they did! Great job. Life is very short, and there's no time for me to watch LSU beat a team like Vanderbilt.
Auburn (+4) You've got to admit, Bo Nix is getting better, getting better all the time.
Missississippi State (-7) I expected this line to be higher! But then I read the news today, and I just had to laugh. Just a Day In the Life of this 3E Pick Them man.
Missouri (-9.5) I look at this line, and I don't know. I Just Don't Understand! Something in the way this line is set, I don't know.
San Jose State (+21) Picture yourself on a boat on a river with tangerine trees and marmalade skies. Somebody calls you, you answer quite slowly, and oh no it's Bert Beilema! He's back! He's mad and he's wet and he's red!
Notre Dame (+13.5) This one, you know it ain't easy. You know how hard it can be! But I will definitely be rooting for the Catholics, with all their crucifixes.
$$$$$$$$$$$$$$
A NICE BOOKIE
$$$$$$$$$$$$$$
I got $1099 to spend. I need money, I need money / I need money, oh, yes that's what I want!
$11 to win $10 on California-Old Mist to go under 41.5. I decided no matter what I would bet the under on this game, and it's so low, and I'm still doing it!
$11 to win $10 on Mississippi State covering -7 against Kentucky.
$540 to win $1 on Alabama beating Southern Miss.
Alabama (-39) This game will trigger a Helter Skelter scenario on my blood pressure, and, I hope, in the USA as a whole.
Old Mist (-2) Much like JoJo, who wanted that California grass, Old Mist will get back to where they once belong: barely beating mediocre teams.
LSU (-23.5) Ed Oregon looked at that bad offense and said, We Can Work It Out, and they did! Great job. Life is very short, and there's no time for me to watch LSU beat a team like Vanderbilt.
Auburn (+4) You've got to admit, Bo Nix is getting better, getting better all the time.
Missississippi State (-7) I expected this line to be higher! But then I read the news today, and I just had to laugh. Just a Day In the Life of this 3E Pick Them man.
Missouri (-9.5) I look at this line, and I don't know. I Just Don't Understand! Something in the way this line is set, I don't know.
San Jose State (+21) Picture yourself on a boat on a river with tangerine trees and marmalade skies. Somebody calls you, you answer quite slowly, and oh no it's Bert Beilema! He's back! He's mad and he's wet and he's red!
Notre Dame (+13.5) This one, you know it ain't easy. You know how hard it can be! But I will definitely be rooting for the Catholics, with all their crucifixes.
$$$$$$$$$$$$$$
A NICE BOOKIE
$$$$$$$$$$$$$$
I got $1099 to spend. I need money, I need money / I need money, oh, yes that's what I want!
$11 to win $10 on California-Old Mist to go under 41.5. I decided no matter what I would bet the under on this game, and it's so low, and I'm still doing it!
$11 to win $10 on Mississippi State covering -7 against Kentucky.
$540 to win $1 on Alabama beating Southern Miss.
Week Four Picks presented by White Clam Hard Seltzer: "Clammed if you do, Clammed if you don't!"
The theme of today's picks is that I'm gassy right now.
Tennessee +14 This is the week Tennessee turns the corner.
Alabama -39 This is the week Alabama turns the corner.
Cal +2 Do you remember Pocket Rockers? Let me jog your memory: "down on the corner / out in the street / Pocket Rockers are playin / wear the music / feel the beat"
LSU -23.5 Everyone remembers Monster In My Pocket.
TAMU -4
Kentucky +7 Didn't learn anything last week.
South Carolina +9.5 Have never learned anything ever.
Arkansas -21 Will never learn anything ever.
Notre Dame +13.5 Forgetting anything I might have known initially.
$$$ Nice Bookie $$$
Let's make this clean 'n' simple. The Nice Bookie deserves to have one lobbed in to him every once in a while. $1,000 on LSU straight up at -2000. I stand to win $50. Because the moneyline is twice my wager, this is known as "doubling my money."
Tennessee +14 This is the week Tennessee turns the corner.
Alabama -39 This is the week Alabama turns the corner.
Cal +2 Do you remember Pocket Rockers? Let me jog your memory: "down on the corner / out in the street / Pocket Rockers are playin / wear the music / feel the beat"
LSU -23.5 Everyone remembers Monster In My Pocket.
TAMU -4
Kentucky +7 Didn't learn anything last week.
South Carolina +9.5 Have never learned anything ever.
Arkansas -21 Will never learn anything ever.
Notre Dame +13.5 Forgetting anything I might have known initially.
$$$ Nice Bookie $$$
Let's make this clean 'n' simple. The Nice Bookie deserves to have one lobbed in to him every once in a while. $1,000 on LSU straight up at -2000. I stand to win $50. Because the moneyline is twice my wager, this is known as "doubling my money."
Tuesday, September 17, 2019
(Drowning Pool voice) let the bookies pick week four
A prince of a man: 4-2 (14-13-1)
A dunce on the can: 2-4 (9-18-1)
yikes!
Only one home underdog this week. That's interesting (not).
Tennessee at Florida (-14)
Southern Miss at Alabama (-39)
Cal-uh-forn-eye-aye at Old Mist (-2)
LSU (-23.5) at Vanderbilt
Auburn at TAMU (-4)
Kentucky at Missississippi State (-7)
South Carolina at Missouri (-9.5)
San Jose State at Arkansas (-21)
Notre Dame at Georgia (-13.5)
$$$$$$$$
The Nice Bookie
My friend Wes: $1026.58
Call the IRS: $1099.00
A dunce on the can: 2-4 (9-18-1)
yikes!
Only one home underdog this week. That's interesting (not).
Tennessee at Florida (-14)
Southern Miss at Alabama (-39)
Cal-uh-forn-eye-aye at Old Mist (-2)
LSU (-23.5) at Vanderbilt
Auburn at TAMU (-4)
Kentucky at Missississippi State (-7)
South Carolina at Missouri (-9.5)
San Jose State at Arkansas (-21)
Notre Dame at Georgia (-13.5)
$$$$$$$$
The Nice Bookie
My friend Wes: $1026.58
Call the IRS: $1099.00
Thursday, September 12, 2019
Week thrice and the bookie is nice
A truly reprehensible slate of games. I don't understand why the SEC does it like this. Wouldn't it make more sense to have at least one potentially big game each week? I am confident it could be done without making the schedule unfairly difficult for anyone.
Arkansas St. (+33): big line
Mississippi St. (-8.5): I think. The Bulldogs. Have a. Little something. For 'em.
South Carolina (+25.5): What a foolish decision. I feel like I've not gotten a good handle on Alabama so far.
Colorado St. (+10): Yuck!
Auburn (-35) This seems like a tremendously big line, but I didn't realize how terrible Kent State is. I've never felt more like a big line would be exactly met than this one, which I predict will end 41-6.
Florida (-8.5): Game of the .... weak! [chortling]
$$$$$$$$$$
Beach Boys voice: book book book, book bookie's nice
$$$$$$$$$$
I'm back barely past square one, which after last season seems like improvement. $1038 to spend.
$55 to win $50 on Florida-Kentucky going over 48 points.
$11 to win $10 on Kansas-Mississippi State going over 52 points.
$200 to win one beautiful dollar on Auburn beating Kent State.
Arkansas St. (+33): big line
Mississippi St. (-8.5): I think. The Bulldogs. Have a. Little something. For 'em.
South Carolina (+25.5): What a foolish decision. I feel like I've not gotten a good handle on Alabama so far.
Colorado St. (+10): Yuck!
Auburn (-35) This seems like a tremendously big line, but I didn't realize how terrible Kent State is. I've never felt more like a big line would be exactly met than this one, which I predict will end 41-6.
Florida (-8.5): Game of the .... weak! [chortling]
$$$$$$$$$$
Beach Boys voice: book book book, book bookie's nice
$$$$$$$$$$
I'm back barely past square one, which after last season seems like improvement. $1038 to spend.
$55 to win $50 on Florida-Kentucky going over 48 points.
$11 to win $10 on Kansas-Mississippi State going over 52 points.
$200 to win one beautiful dollar on Auburn beating Kent State.
Week 333-3333 Sponsored by the Vance Law Firm "Dial '3' for Me!"
These picks might as well be sand, waves, sunbathers, and floating garbage... because they're "shore" things!
Georgia -33 Speaking of dawgs, Dana got a hair cut. It is jarring how small she is and distressing to think back to all the times she's kicked my a*s.
Kansas St. +8.5 I am going to "stan" this game because it is "big mood."
Alabama -25.5 It's time for the big boys to flex their muscles. Story time! When Alabama lost at South Carolina in 2010, I was at a wedding in Kentucky (at "My Old Kentucky Home" State Park to be exact) and we were watching updates on our phones. Can you believe that? Then later Auburn played - get this - Kentucky! We were able to watch the end of the game on tv and there were some Kentucky fans who were super confused as to why Auburn was slowly moving the ball down the field at the end of the game rather than trying to score very quickly and leave time on the clock. Later, I threw a beer can at some gravestone and said "take this, you dead a**hole!" The moral of this story is that it is a crazy time to be alive what with the smart phones and all.
Arkansas -10 Big time revenge game here.
Kent St. +35 Auburn isn't going to score 35 points.
Kentucky +8.5 Charles have I ever told you the story about the time I was at a wedding in Kentucky?
$$$
Time to grind. I'm not proud of this; I don't enjoy this. But a man has to make a living. A father has to provide for his family. And dammit, a player has absolutely got to play.
Nice Bookie, give me $930.31 on Alabama at -3500. I stand to win $26.58.
Georgia -33 Speaking of dawgs, Dana got a hair cut. It is jarring how small she is and distressing to think back to all the times she's kicked my a*s.
Kansas St. +8.5 I am going to "stan" this game because it is "big mood."
Alabama -25.5 It's time for the big boys to flex their muscles. Story time! When Alabama lost at South Carolina in 2010, I was at a wedding in Kentucky (at "My Old Kentucky Home" State Park to be exact) and we were watching updates on our phones. Can you believe that? Then later Auburn played - get this - Kentucky! We were able to watch the end of the game on tv and there were some Kentucky fans who were super confused as to why Auburn was slowly moving the ball down the field at the end of the game rather than trying to score very quickly and leave time on the clock. Later, I threw a beer can at some gravestone and said "take this, you dead a**hole!" The moral of this story is that it is a crazy time to be alive what with the smart phones and all.
Arkansas -10 Big time revenge game here.
Kent St. +35 Auburn isn't going to score 35 points.
Kentucky +8.5 Charles have I ever told you the story about the time I was at a wedding in Kentucky?
$$$
Time to grind. I'm not proud of this; I don't enjoy this. But a man has to make a living. A father has to provide for his family. And dammit, a player has absolutely got to play.
Nice Bookie, give me $930.31 on Alabama at -3500. I stand to win $26.58.
Tuesday, September 10, 2019
Week 3E
Last Week (Overall):
Head Of The Class: 4-5-1 (7-14-1)
Head Up His A*s: 5-4-1 (10-11-1)
Breathtaking.
This week like half the conference plays 1AA teams. How embarrassing. Week Three is the new Week Two, I reckon.
Arkansas St. @ Georgia (-33)
Kansas St. @ Mississippi St. (-8.5)
Alabama (-25.5) @ South Carolina
Colorado St. @ Arkansas (-10)
Kent Read Kent Write Kent State @ Auburn (-35)
Florida (-8.5) @ Kentucky
$$$ Verry Niiiiice Bookie: $$$
The Man With The Plan: $1,038.00
The Man Getting Canned: $1,000.00
Head Of The Class: 4-5-1 (7-14-1)
Head Up His A*s: 5-4-1 (10-11-1)
Breathtaking.
This week like half the conference plays 1AA teams. How embarrassing. Week Three is the new Week Two, I reckon.
Arkansas St. @ Georgia (-33)
Kansas St. @ Mississippi St. (-8.5)
Alabama (-25.5) @ South Carolina
Colorado St. @ Arkansas (-10)
Kent Read Kent Write Kent State @ Auburn (-35)
Florida (-8.5) @ Kentucky
$$$ Verry Niiiiice Bookie: $$$
The Man With The Plan: $1,038.00
The Man Getting Canned: $1,000.00
Thursday, September 05, 2019
I got the horses in the back, week two picks on rack
Missouri (-14) What in tarnation?
Vanderbilt (+7) Purdue in a 17-14 kind of game.
Southern Miss (+17). I went back and changed this because I'd picked too many favorites. That's stupid. But, I'm thinking Mississississippi State got a "wake up call" last week.
Clemson (-17.5) sure
Alabama (-55) The only thing worse than this game having a line is that I think Alabama will cover easily. I might have taken Alabama -62.
Tennessee (-3.5) lmao
Auburn (-18): you. better. believe it.
Kentucky (-14.5) seems wrong
LSU (-5.5) I think this is going to be higher scoring than expected.
Old Mist (-6.5) The rebs didn't get off to a great start, but Portland State!
A REAL NICE BOOKIE
$937.00 to wager!
$55 to win $50 on LSU vs. Texas going over 55
$55 to win $50 on Arkansas vs. Old Mist going under 51
$750 to win $1 on Alabama beating New Mexico State. Am I reading that right? Sure.
Vanderbilt (+7) Purdue in a 17-14 kind of game.
Southern Miss (+17). I went back and changed this because I'd picked too many favorites. That's stupid. But, I'm thinking Mississississippi State got a "wake up call" last week.
Clemson (-17.5) sure
Alabama (-55) The only thing worse than this game having a line is that I think Alabama will cover easily. I might have taken Alabama -62.
Tennessee (-3.5) lmao
Auburn (-18): you. better. believe it.
Kentucky (-14.5) seems wrong
LSU (-5.5) I think this is going to be higher scoring than expected.
Old Mist (-6.5) The rebs didn't get off to a great start, but Portland State!
A REAL NICE BOOKIE
$937.00 to wager!
$55 to win $50 on LSU vs. Texas going over 55
$55 to win $50 on Arkansas vs. Old Mist going under 51
$750 to win $1 on Alabama beating New Mexico State. Am I reading that right? Sure.
A Captain Makes Some Picks: Very Special "Mama's Spicy Little Meatball" Edition
Time to blow a lead, baby.
West F****** V**gin*a +14 The more I think about it, this isn't that weird. But that's because I'm a moron.
Purdew -7 Unrelated so I don't say something unsavory about the cancer kid: Remember the infamous mouth-breather Dave Ragone? What's he up to? UPDATE: He's been the QB coach for the Chicago Bears since 2016 with previous stops with the Titans and R**s**ns.
Mississippi St. -17 woooof woof.
TAMU +17.5 This can't be right.
New Mexico St +55 Come on.
Tennessee -3.5 If Jeremy Pruitt heard the mean things you've been saying about him, he'd flip his lid.
Auburn -18 Serious Question: Will Bo Nix get only one statue outside the stadium, or one for each Heisman?
Kentucky -14.5 Serious Question: Have I pointed out that it is called Kroger Field?
Texas +5.5 Texas is back.
Arkansas +6.5 Arkansas is back.
Time to blow a different lead, baby.
1. $904.14 on Auburn (twist!!!) at -950. I stand to win $95.17.
2. $168.92 on Texas at +210. I stand to win $354.73.
If Auburn and LSU win, I'll still have my precious $1,000. If Auburn loses, I will have significantly less than that.
West F****** V**gin*a +14 The more I think about it, this isn't that weird. But that's because I'm a moron.
Purdew -7 Unrelated so I don't say something unsavory about the cancer kid: Remember the infamous mouth-breather Dave Ragone? What's he up to? UPDATE: He's been the QB coach for the Chicago Bears since 2016 with previous stops with the Titans and R**s**ns.
Mississippi St. -17 woooof woof.
TAMU +17.5 This can't be right.
New Mexico St +55 Come on.
Tennessee -3.5 If Jeremy Pruitt heard the mean things you've been saying about him, he'd flip his lid.
Auburn -18 Serious Question: Will Bo Nix get only one statue outside the stadium, or one for each Heisman?
Kentucky -14.5 Serious Question: Have I pointed out that it is called Kroger Field?
Texas +5.5 Texas is back.
Arkansas +6.5 Arkansas is back.
Time to blow a different lead, baby.
1. $904.14 on Auburn (twist!!!) at -950. I stand to win $95.17.
2. $168.92 on Texas at +210. I stand to win $354.73.
If Auburn and LSU win, I'll still have my precious $1,000. If Auburn loses, I will have significantly less than that.
Tuesday, September 03, 2019
it's a week two remember
A heroic nobleman: 5-7
A loutish peasant: 3-9
Great!
Feast yer eyes on these winners. This gets easier later in the season when there are more intraconference games. At least there are some nonsense payday games without lines.
West Virginia at Missouri (-14)
Vanderbilt at Purdue (-7)
Southern Miss at Miss State (-17)
TAMU at Clemson (-17.5)
New Mexico State at Alabama (-55)
BYU at Tennessee (-3.5)
Twolane at Auburn (-18)
Eastern Michigan at Kentucky (-14.5)
LSU (-5.5) at Texas
Arkansas at Old Mist (-6.5)
Unloved: Charleston Southern at South Carolina, Murray State at Georgia, UT Martin at Florida
$$$$$$$
The people's champion: $1073.75
The people's chumpion: $937.00
A loutish peasant: 3-9
Great!
Feast yer eyes on these winners. This gets easier later in the season when there are more intraconference games. At least there are some nonsense payday games without lines.
West Virginia at Missouri (-14)
Vanderbilt at Purdue (-7)
Southern Miss at Miss State (-17)
TAMU at Clemson (-17.5)
New Mexico State at Alabama (-55)
BYU at Tennessee (-3.5)
Twolane at Auburn (-18)
Eastern Michigan at Kentucky (-14.5)
LSU (-5.5) at Texas
Arkansas at Old Mist (-6.5)
Unloved: Charleston Southern at South Carolina, Murray State at Georgia, UT Martin at Florida
$$$$$$$
The people's champion: $1073.75
The people's chumpion: $937.00
Thursday, August 29, 2019
It's real week one week one week one week one week one
I'm very excited to start the season and lose to Tha Cap'n again.
Texas St. (+33.5) big line
Toledo (+11.5) Actual football analysis for this one: Kentucky working out the kinks with a new-look offense to start the year. Guaranteed to be one of the games I miss.
Memphis (-5.5) Memphis might be my non-major team to keep up with this year. They just seem like a good pick.
Mississippi St. (-21) why not?
Duke (+34.5) dumb
South Carolina (-7.5) more like .... more like .... more like musCHUMP, am I right?
Tennessee (-26) Regretting this pick already. I do enjoy the idea of someone that's a huge Georgia State and Tennessee fan (growing up in Sandy Plains, Georgia, they went to GAST for undergrad and Tennessee for graduate school at the Haslam College of Business) just absolutely frothing at the mouth for this one and losing a mortgage payment when a kicker misses a field goal because he's hung over and worried he got a venereal disease the night before.
Georgia (-20.5) dumb. Too many schools named Georgia this week.
LSU (-28) If they can't cover for a bird poop cocaine quarterback controversy, GASOU can't cover against LSU.
Auburn (-3.5) I YEEHAWIN' BELIEVE that Auburn will lose five games this year, but not Oregon
Missouri (-17.5) Missouri cleaning up the crucial Wyoming recruiting grounds.
Texas St. (+33.5) big line
Toledo (+11.5) Actual football analysis for this one: Kentucky working out the kinks with a new-look offense to start the year. Guaranteed to be one of the games I miss.
Memphis (-5.5) Memphis might be my non-major team to keep up with this year. They just seem like a good pick.
Mississippi St. (-21) why not?
Duke (+34.5) dumb
South Carolina (-7.5) more like .... more like .... more like musCHUMP, am I right?
Tennessee (-26) Regretting this pick already. I do enjoy the idea of someone that's a huge Georgia State and Tennessee fan (growing up in Sandy Plains, Georgia, they went to GAST for undergrad and Tennessee for graduate school at the Haslam College of Business) just absolutely frothing at the mouth for this one and losing a mortgage payment when a kicker misses a field goal because he's hung over and worried he got a venereal disease the night before.
Georgia (-20.5) dumb. Too many schools named Georgia this week.
LSU (-28) If they can't cover for a bird poop cocaine quarterback controversy, GASOU can't cover against LSU.
Auburn (-3.5) I YEEHAWIN' BELIEVE that Auburn will lose five games this year, but not Oregon
Missouri (-17.5) Missouri cleaning up the crucial Wyoming recruiting grounds.
***
A NICE BOOKIE ALERT
***
Bankroll: $NINE NINE NINE
$55 to win $50 on Alabama-Duke going over 56.5 points seems probable to me. Alabama just lost their best defensive player, and that line seems kind of low anyway.
$300 to win $2 for Alabama to beat Duke. That seems like a good bet.
$9 to win $100 on Vanderbilt to beat Georgia seems, contrariwise, like a worthwhile risk.
A Captain Makes Some Picks: Week One
Just like breakfast is the most important of the thirteen meals I eat every day, Week One is absolutely vital. The person leading after Week One has never lost in the grand and storied history of this great competish. So lets get at it, eh.
Hey, does anybody need to raise or lower boats, ships, or other watercraft between stretches of water at different levels on rivers or canals because here are some LOCKS:
Texas St. +33.5 Do you believe in miracles?
Kentucky -11.5 Kroger Field. It's called Kroger Field.
Old Mist +5.5 Old Mist was 2-9 ATS last season. I can feel my brain smoothening.
Mississippi St. -21 Not liking this anymore.
Duke +34.5 I'm sorry it's just so many points.
North Carolina +7.5 Almost made a bet on UNC to win. But I'm too scared!
Tennessee -26 The only "Ten I See" is the number of points by which Tennessee will actually win, damning me to the depths of despair.
Georgia -20.5 I actually think Georgia will win by exactly 20.5 points.
Georgia Southern +28 LSU always has a screw around game where they practice being useless. This assures that when they play Alabama, they will have perfected it.
Oregon +3.5 Duh.
Wyoming +17.5 In my warped perception of football reality, Missouri always starts the season slowly then gets going later. Is this true? I don't know. I don't know if such a statement can be true. What is truth? What are birds?
A humble wager: $1,000.31 on Georgia straight up at -1375. I stand to win $72.75. I hope I lose and I'm just playing with cents for the rest of the season.
Hey, does anybody need to raise or lower boats, ships, or other watercraft between stretches of water at different levels on rivers or canals because here are some LOCKS:
Texas St. +33.5 Do you believe in miracles?
Kentucky -11.5 Kroger Field. It's called Kroger Field.
Old Mist +5.5 Old Mist was 2-9 ATS last season. I can feel my brain smoothening.
Mississippi St. -21 Not liking this anymore.
Duke +34.5 I'm sorry it's just so many points.
North Carolina +7.5 Almost made a bet on UNC to win. But I'm too scared!
Tennessee -26 The only "Ten I See" is the number of points by which Tennessee will actually win, damning me to the depths of despair.
Georgia -20.5 I actually think Georgia will win by exactly 20.5 points.
Georgia Southern +28 LSU always has a screw around game where they practice being useless. This assures that when they play Alabama, they will have perfected it.
Oregon +3.5 Duh.
Wyoming +17.5 In my warped perception of football reality, Missouri always starts the season slowly then gets going later. Is this true? I don't know. I don't know if such a statement can be true. What is truth? What are birds?
A humble wager: $1,000.31 on Georgia straight up at -1375. I stand to win $72.75. I hope I lose and I'm just playing with cents for the rest of the season.
Monday, August 26, 2019
Extremely Week and Incredibly One: Lines
Flyin' out of the gates.
Cheeze: 0-1
Wheeze: 0-1
Now, feast your eyes on these:
Texas St. @ Texas A&M (-33.5)
Toledo @ Kentucky (-11.5)
Old Mist @ Memphis (-5.5)
Mississippi St. (-21) vs UL-Lafayette [at the SuperDome for some reason]
Duke vs Alabama (-34.5) [at the Atlanta ButtholeDome]
South Carolina (-7.5) vs North Carolina [at the CharlotteDome]
Georgia St. @ Tennessee (-26) [at Tennessee's normal stadium like a normal game]
Georgia (-20.5) @ Vanderbilt
Georgia Southern @ LSU (-28)
Oregon vs Auburn (-3.5) [CowboyDome yeehaw]
Missouri (-17.5) @ Wyoming
The World's Nicest Bookie:
Big C: $999.00
Lil Dubs: $1,001.00
In your face!
Cheeze: 0-1
Wheeze: 0-1
Now, feast your eyes on these:
Texas St. @ Texas A&M (-33.5)
Toledo @ Kentucky (-11.5)
Old Mist @ Memphis (-5.5)
Mississippi St. (-21) vs UL-Lafayette [at the SuperDome for some reason]
Duke vs Alabama (-34.5) [at the Atlanta ButtholeDome]
South Carolina (-7.5) vs North Carolina [at the CharlotteDome]
Georgia St. @ Tennessee (-26) [at Tennessee's normal stadium like a normal game]
Georgia (-20.5) @ Vanderbilt
Georgia Southern @ LSU (-28)
Oregon vs Auburn (-3.5) [CowboyDome yeehaw]
Missouri (-17.5) @ Wyoming
The World's Nicest Bookie:
Big C: $999.00
Lil Dubs: $1,001.00
In your face!
Thursday, August 22, 2019
Week zero was invented by ancient Indian mathmeticians, but Mesoamericans probably also discovered it
IT'S BACK BABY. Very exciting. I cannot remember how I did stuff.
Florida (-7.5) My favorite football game I ever attended was the 2001 Florida-Auburn game, in which a mediocre Auburn team started the Tommy Tuberville special of taking bad Auburn teams and beating much better ones, especially Florida. At halftime, my dad and I sat down and decided that Auburn having a halftime lead was enough for us to be happy with the outcome of the game, no matter what happened. Prince Damon's game-winning field goal! Look at this awful CFL photo:
The Nice Bookie:
With a storm a-brewing, I'll bet $11 on the game to go under 47, and $11 on Florida to cover the 7.5. If I win both, I get $20! If I'm half right, I get -$1! What a foolish decision.
Why settle for a Week Zero when you could get with a Weak Zero (me)
Focusing all of my energy on this one pick.
Florida -7.5 It won't be close but it won't be a blowout. It will just be terrible to watch.
Why not, huh? Let's get the bills slingin!
I will just this once repeat myself: I expect this game to be terrible. Gimme $1.10 on Under 47.5 points at -110. I stand to win one crisp dollar.
Florida -7.5 It won't be close but it won't be a blowout. It will just be terrible to watch.
Why not, huh? Let's get the bills slingin!
I will just this once repeat myself: I expect this game to be terrible. Gimme $1.10 on Under 47.5 points at -110. I stand to win one crisp dollar.
Tuesday, August 20, 2019
welcome back football, you awful, spiteful abomination
I won last year, let's all remember that. I am remembering it right now. Before that, you won twice! We can both puff out our chests proudly. I'm puffing my chest right now.
2016
Chark Week: 50-45-2
Wes Weak: 44-51-2
2017
Charles de Gaulle: 49-46-3
Wes the Bald: 45-50-3
2018
Charlie Hustle: 48-48-0, $299.70
Wesley Mussel: 52-44-0, $1,326.95
But enough about the past. History is stupid.
The rules this year are the same, I guess. We pick all non-1AA SEC games against the spread. We each start with $1,000 (real dollars this year, not) and we each have to wager 25% of our current bankroll each week (excluding week 0). You can get the odds from any remotely reputable sportsbook. Picks should be in Thursdays at 5 pm.
Week 0 (zero):
Miami (Florida) vs Florida (Florida) (-7.5) @ Orlando (Florida)
You're free to wager your fake money this week but you don't have to. The Nice Bookie won't make you.
Let the games begin!
2016
Chark Week: 50-45-2
Wes Weak: 44-51-2
2017
Charles de Gaulle: 49-46-3
Wes the Bald: 45-50-3
2018
Charlie Hustle: 48-48-0, $299.70
Wesley Mussel: 52-44-0, $1,326.95
But enough about the past. History is stupid.
The rules this year are the same, I guess. We pick all non-1AA SEC games against the spread. We each start with $1,000 (real dollars this year, not) and we each have to wager 25% of our current bankroll each week (excluding week 0). You can get the odds from any remotely reputable sportsbook. Picks should be in Thursdays at 5 pm.
Week 0 (zero):
Miami (Florida) vs Florida (Florida) (-7.5) @ Orlando (Florida)
You're free to wager your fake money this week but you don't have to. The Nice Bookie won't make you.
Let the games begin!
Tuesday, August 13, 2019
Tuesday, August 06, 2019
health is a skill
Prior to his success toting the rock on the gridiron, Kenny's passion in his formative years was cascading through the skies in a hot air balloon with his father, Gerald. Kenny became the youngest balloon pilot in New Jersey history to complete a transcontinental voyage in 1992, when at the age of 9 he trekked alone from his home state to Palo-alto California, isolated in the basket of his airborne vehicle he named "Tabitha." Kenny eventually drifted away from his passion of skyward transportation at the age of 13 when he broke the Garden State Pop Warner league record for single season rush yards with 6,969 in his final campaign before wreaking havoc in the high school ranks.Kenny Irons, accessed August 6, 2019
Friday, August 02, 2019
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