Kentucky at Georgia -20.5: Georgia needs to look good after their loss. Kentucky is bad.
Vanderbilt at Alabama -10.5: Revenge tour
Texas -6.5 at Florida: This doesn't feel normal, these teams playing, and I don't like it.
Kent State +45.5 at Oklahoma: yuck
Mississippi State +14.5 at TAMU: This is where I would cut all my The Nice Bookie covidbux. Mississippi State might straight up beat TAMU, which barely beat an Auburn team with practically negative offensive yards.
Auburn head basketball coach Bruce Pearl: 4-4 (31-20)
Alabama Senator Bruce Pearl: 3-5 (25-26)
:o :o :o :o :o :o :o :o :o :o :o :o
Looks like it's off week for many of us.
Kentucky at Georgia -20.5
Vanderbilt at Alabama -10.5
Texas -6.5 at Florida
Kent State at Oklahoma -45.5
Mississippi state at TAMU -14.5
Notre Dame -4.5 @ Arkansas: This is apparently a trendy upset pick, and a lot of the computers like Arkansas, and I just don't see it.
Utah St. @ Vanderbilt -22.5: obviously I'm invested in a game involving one of Auburn's three biggest rivals
LSU @ Old Mist -1.5: feels like this is wrong
Auburn +6.5 @ TAMU: Auburn will definitely lose, but they'll lose closer than 6.5 points.
Tennessee -7.5 @ Mississippi St.: seems low, even in notoriously hostile Starkville, MS
Alabama @ Georgia -2.5: Alabama State and Georgia State should also be playing today
UMass @ Mizzou -43.5: why not
Kentucky +6.5 @ South Carolina: Vanderbilt being an above-average quality team is really throwing off my already-shaky grasp of which former SEC East teams have already played
Got curious!
Favorites by 40 or more points ATS:
The Tylenol Bandit: 6-3 (22-21)
Captain Autism: 4-5 (27-16)
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Notre Dame -4.5 @ Arkansas
Utah St. @ Vanderbilt -22.5
LSU @ Old Mist -1.5
Auburn @ TAMU -6.5
Tennessee -7.5 @ Mississippi St.
Alabama @ Georgia -2.5
UMass @ Mizzou -43.5
Kentucky @ South Carolina -6.5
Arkansas at Memphis +6.5: I still don't believe in Arkansas. As a concept, I mean.
UAB at Tennessee -39.5: that's a lotta points, but UAB is bad
Auburn at Oklahoma -6.5: never
Tulane at Old Mist -12.5: This should be a conference game. Also, I guess I'm committed to Old Mist letting me down.
Northern Illinois +21.5 at Mississippi State: Turner the Burner baby
South Carolina + 13.5 at Missouri: looks like Sellers will play
Flo Rida at Miami -7.5: I'm not doing the thing about lines looking wrong because I've been so stupid so far, but this line looks very low.
Georgia State at Vanderbilt -26.5: [railroad union organizer getting roughed up by the Pinkertons voice] Fine, fine, I think Vanderbilt is good.
Sam Houston +41.5 at Texas: the beauty of sport
A pretty good record back when they played 11 games: 8-3 (23-11)
A bad record back when they played 11 games: 5-6 (16-18)
Not going well for some of us, but for others, things are going ... rather well.
$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$
Arkansas -6.5 at Memphis
UAB at Tennessee -39.5
Auburn at Oklahoma -6.5
Tulane at Old Mist -12.5
Northern Illinois at Mississippi State -21.5
South Carolina at Missouri -13.5
Flo Rida at Miami -7.5
Georgia State at Vanderbilt -26.5
Sam Houston at Texas -41.5
Changing my Halo handle to "1Shot2DaNeck"
Oklahoma -24.5 @ Temple: weird
Wisconsin +20.5 @ Alabama: I may be drinking too deeply of the bottle labeled Hope
South Alabama +24.5 @ Auburn: Unpatriotic to beat a team called USA
Georgia @ Tennessee +3.5: [steely resolve melting]: oh what the heck, maybe things will get better instead of steady decline into violence and disorder
UL Lafayette +27.7 @ Mizzou: This is definitely a game I was already aware was happening.
UTEP +41.5 @ Texas: That's a lot of points, even against UTEP
Arkansas @ Old Mist -9.5: The Pitt Man Cometh
Florida +9.5 @ LSU: Florida turning around and beating LSU would be a hoot
TAMU @ Notre Dame -6.5: SEC expansion has really gone too far
EMU @ Kentucky -24.5: I'd love to be the kind of rich pervert who could throw $10,000 down on this game and not even care
Vanderbilt @ South Carolina -5.5: let's settle down on the Vanderbilt stuff
Norm MacDonald voice: 9/11
So, I first drafted this on Tuesday. Reasonably, my expectation was that no internet-famous bigots were going to get shot in the neck before it posted on 9/11. In that spirit, here are some other things that are going to be wrong!
Temple +24.5 The opposite of a quotidian matchup, imo.
Alabama -20.5 *Simpsons theme song voice* Ty Siiimpsooon
South Alabama +24.5 Can't think of anything.
Georgia +3.5 Moving along.
Mizzou -27.5 That guy was an amputee. Wild.
UTEP +41.5 *Primus voice* too many po-eeeeeeents
Arkansas +9.5 Arkansas can only get 7.5 points now. I never say no to a bargain.
LSU -9.5 Florida can only get 7.5 points now. I hate bargains!
Notre Dame -6.5 1991 Cotton Bowl ass matchup. (Looked this up now. TAMU and ND played in the Cotton Bowl after the 1987, 1992, and 1993 seasons.)
Kentucky -24.5 Krogerfield (like Cloverfield). Someone should do a photoshop of that.
Vanderbilt +5.5 Spurrier won 11 games 3 straight years in 2011-13 without going to the SEC championship game. That's wild.
America's Sweetheart: 6-6 (11-12)
America's Sweetheart (anti-vax): 9-3 (15-8)
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You know what to do next (flip a coin is what I do).
Oklahoma -24.5 @ Temple
Wisconsin @ Alabama -20.5
South Alabama @ Auburn -24.5
Georgia -3.5 @ Tennessee
UL Lafayette @ Mizzou -27.5
UTEP @ Texas -41.5
Arkansas @ Old Mist -9.5
Florida @ LSU -9.5
TAMU @ Notre Dame -6.5
EMU @ Kentucky -24.5
Vanderbilt @ South Carolina -5.5
Every week there's a canal. Or an inlet. Or a fjord.
San Jose St. + 36.5 I want to change this but I can't. I already typed it in to the computer.
TAMU - 29.5 Mike Elko looks like the kid from Christmas Story all grown up.
Kentucky +10.5 Two words: Kroger. Field.
Mizzou -6.5 Mizzou is my sleeper SEC Championship Game pick.
South Florida +17.5 Not dealing with Florida's shit right now.
Arkansas -23.5 Arkansas is my sleeper SEC Championship Game pick.
La Tech +37.5 In my mind, LSU always putters around in this kind of game. Remember when Brian Kelly did that fake southern accent at his introduction.
Arizona St. - 6.5 Mississippi St. seems bad.
Oklahoma -5.5 Oklahoma is my sleeper SEC Championship Game pick.
Ball St. +43.5 With respect to the context of this week, please do not underestimate my seriousness when I say "Thatsa Lotta Points!"
Virginia Tech -1.5 Eeexit liiiight
Alabama -36.5 It's Clobberin' Time.
San José State (+36.5) @ Texas: that's a lotta points
Utah State @ Texas A&M (-29.5): not too many points
Old Mist (-10.5) @ Kentucky: We haven't had much of a season yet, but this line seems insanely low, like a touchdown low. If we were doing The Nice Bookie, this is where I would likely lose a big chunk of my bankroll.
Kansas (+6.5) @ Missouri: Boarder War
South Florida @ Florida (-17.5): not too many points
Arkansas State @ Arkansas (-23.5): not too many points
Louisiana Tech (+37.5) @ LSU: that's a lotta points
Arizona State (-6.5) @ Mississippi State: Not as insanely low as Old Mist-Kentucky, but this still seems low.
Michigan @ Oklahoma (-5.5): "Helmet game" means I'll probably watch this stinker between two mediocre teams.
Ball State (+43.5) @ Auburn: that's a lotta points
Vanderbilt (+1.5) @ Virginia Tech: The Hokies did not impress last week. I don't dignify playoff talk because the CFB playoffs really shouldn't exist, but the talk about Vandy as a sneaky playoff contender seems premature.
UL Monroe (+36.5) @ Alabama: lmao or should I say LA-MO.
A winning record: 6-5
A worse, losing record: 5-6
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Utah State @ Texas A&M (-29.5)
Ole Miss (-10.5) @ Kentucky
Kansas @ Missouri (-6.5)
South Florida @ Florida (-17.5)
Arkansas State @ Arkansas (-23.5)
Louisiana Tech @ LSU (-37.5)
Arizona State (-6.5) @ Mississippi State
Michigan @ Oklahoma (-5.5)
Ball State @ Auburn (-43.5)
Vanderbilt @ Virginia Tech (-1.5)
UL Monroe @ Alabama (-36.5)
I've been informed that it's football season.
Auburn @ Bay, Lord of the Bears +2.5: Auburn is considerably more talented, especially along the lines, but they also have an inconsistent, pervert coach who might be dying from a lifetime of alcohol abuse and general degeneracy. Losing this game feels very in character.
Texas @ Ohio St. -1.5: Ohio State losing to Michigan and, say, Minnesota, but winning the national title again, is about as hopeful a possibility as I can realistically envision.
Syracuse vs Tennessee -13.5: orange joke
Mississippi St. -12 @ Southern Miss: Glad they're playing.
Toledo +7.5 @ Kentucky: Kentucky might be Extremely Bad this year.
Marshall +39.5 @ Georgia: nah
Alabama -13.5 @ Florida St.: there's a lot of emotional weight on this game, which will be a laugher and make me sad
UTSA @ TAMU -22.5: People underestimate how big Texas is as a state. Did you know: it is further from Texas A&M to San Antonio than it is from Texas A&M to Edmonton, Canada.
LSU @ Clemson -4: If I didn't already know and you just asked me where Dabo is from, I bet I'd say Pelham.
Georgia St. +38 @ Old Mist: seems like a lot of points
Virginia Tech vs South Carolina -8: Game of the week for me. I'm curious if people know that Shane Beamer's dad, Frank Beamer, was a professor of environmental science at Virginia Tech. House divided!!
I was out all day yesterday, so I'm doing these fast. Like Sonic the Hedgehog. So, I'm just going to name a Sonic character for each game. And because we're talking about games, I'm only doing characters from the games that I'm aware of. I'm sorry, I have a training all day today. I'm sorry.
Auburn -2.5 Sonic
Ohio St. -1.5 Tails
Syracuse +13.5 Knuckles
Mississippi St. -12 Dr. Robotnik
Kentucky -7.5 There's some kind of Metal Sonic
Marshall +39.5 There's a girl Sonic
Alabama -13.5 Can't think of another one
UTSA +22.5 Still no
Clemson -4 no
Georgia St. +38 so many games
Virginia Tech +8 whew
A lot of this shouldn't be legal.
Auburn -2.5 @ Bay, Lord of the Bears
Texas @ Ohio St. -1.5
Syracuse vs Tennessee -13.5
Mississippi St. -12 @ Southern Miss
Toledo @ Kentucky -7.5
Marshall @ Georgia -39.5
Alabama -13.5 @ Florida St.
UTSA @ TAMU -22.5
LSU @ Clemson -4
Georgia St. @ Old Mist -38
Virginia Tech vs South Carolina -8
First up, a trip to the grocery store. You hop in your car, blissfully unaware that doing so results in numerification—the assignment of numbers to complex human acts. There’s an entire industry, projected to be worth half a trillion dollars by 2030, dedicated to collecting and selling the trails of data your car emits when it hits the road. Everything is tracked. Your location and speed. Your acceleration and braking patterns. The music you listen to along the way. Who you call from your car and for how long you speak. Many cars today produce around twenty-five gigabytes of data per hour. That’s roughly the size of all English-language Wikipedia articles—every hour.
