BINFORD TOOLS IS PROUD TO PRESENT... THA CAPTAINZ PICKS!!!! *crowd goes nuts with a mixture of hoots, hollars, and man-grunts!!!*

In honor of Tool Man, I made a bunch of bone-headed decisions. They are listed below.

The winner is listed first. That little number in parentheses? Well guess what that's the confidence.


NEW ORLEANS BOWL
(31) Troy / North Texas
Whoa, slow down there maestro. There's a NEW Orleans?

CURE BOWL
(21) Western Kentucky / Georgia St.
They should advertise this as "The Cure for the Common Bowl." They won't though, they'll probably try to raise money for breast cancer instead.

LAS VEGAS BOWL
(12) Boise St. / Oregon
Whoa, slow down there maestro. There's a LAS Vegas?

NEW MEXICO BOWL
(30) Colorado St. / Marshall
Whoa, slow down there maestro. Why isn't there a WHITE New Mexico Bowl?

CAMELLIA BOWL
(24) Arkansas St. / Middle Tennessee
I would have sworn to the divines that these teams were still in the same conference.

BOCA RATON BOWL
(39) FAU / Akron
Akrons grow into oac trees. (aoc trees? wasn't sure how exactly to draw the analogy. share your thoughts in the comments! NOT, I don't care)

FRISCO BOWL
(1) SMU / Louisiana Tech
Frisco, TX was founded along a line of the St. Louis-San Francisco Railway (known as "The Frisco"), thus the name. I looked it up on wikipedia. Also, according to the wik, "Another name [for the city], usually referred to only by the children of the land, is 'F-TOWN'." What's really messed up is that the St. Louis-San Francisco Railway never gets anywhere near San Francisco, California. Can you believe that

GASPARILLA BOWL
(3) FIU / Temple
I need a Bad Boy Mower so my neighbors will finally respect me.

BAHAMAS BOWL
(26) Ohio / UAB
It's amazing that UAB won 8 games, right? I'm amazed and I am not easily impressed!

POTATO BOWL
(2) Central Michigan / Wyoming
Fitting because Wyoming dresses like potatoes (brown). Why didn't the bowl pick Western Michigan (also dress like potatoes (brown)) instead of CMU (dresses like red potatoes maybe? (maroon))? fools

BIRMINGHAM BOWL
(20) USF / Texas Tech
Remember when we went to these

ARMED FORCES BOWL
(33) San Diego St. / Army
San Diego isn't even a state. this is stupid

DOLLAR GENERAL BOWL
(34) Toledo / Appalachian St.
I will never forget that guy's wooden sign. And I will never forgive him for it.

H'AWA'I'I BOWL
(4) Fresno St. / Houston
Look out! It's the Hawaii Bowl!

FART OF DALLAS BOWL
(25) Utah / West Virginia
I think this is the only game where i switched my pick after my initial snap judgment. Yet, somehow there is a 25 in front of it. I am clearly not trying.

QUICK LANE BOWL
(22) Northern Illinois / Duke
Cindy Crawford went to Northern Illinois. You know who went to Duke? HER BOSS!! (a man).

CACTUS BOWL
(19) Kansas St. / UCLA
Fun Fact: A cactus is not actually a plant.

INDEPENCENCE BOWL
(37) Florida St. / Southern Mist
Sick

PINSTRIPE BOWL
(14) Iowa / Boston College
Imagine this clash of accents!!! "ooh, we're playin in a bowl game don't ya know!" (Iowa) vs "ooh, we're playin in a bowl game don't ya know pahk my cah in hahvahd yahd" (BC)

FOSTER FARMS BOWL
(13) Arizona / Purdue
Farms? FarmS? Plural?! Ey Foster! Quit hoggin all da farms over heaya! aaah ahm just yankin yuh chain Foster yuhr alright.

TEXAS BOWL
(11) Texas / Missouri
Missouri must feel very left out. Imagine if they had just been like "welcome to lauren's wedding." Or "welcome to bsc graduation for all seniors except charles."

MILITARY BOWL
(6) Virginia / Navy
Freedom ain't free, y'all.

CAMPING WORLD BOWL
(16) Virginia Tech / Oklahoma St.
Camping ain't free, y'all.

ALAMO BOWL
(17) TCU / Samford
I can't get over how utterly devilish it is to call them "Samford."

PAWLIDAY BOWL
(18) Michigan St. / Washington St.
Bowl Game Trivia: this is the first time two teams with "State" in their names have played against one another in a bowl game. The record for bowl games is 7.

BELK BOWL
(8) Wake Forest / TAMU
Can you imagine bowls named after other 3Es? The Eric Filla-Bowl! That sounds druggy! The John Bowl.. that's a toilet!!! I could go on and on

SUN BOWL
(29) NC St. / Arizona St.
you miiiiight as well be bowlin on the sun

MUSIC CITY BOWL
(38) Northwestern / Kentucky
Kentucky sucks!! Gaaah!

ARIZONA BOWL
(9) New Mexico St. / Utah St.
Once again, probably would have said these guys were in the same conference.

COTTON BOWL
(28) Ohio St. / USC
This is a real Bad Boy Mower of a matchup.

TAXSLAYER BOWL
(36) Louisville / Mist St.
Get this: TaxSlayer, TaxMetallica, TaxAnthrax, and TaxMegadeth!!! The "Big 4" of Bay Area Thrash Tax Services.

LIBERTY BOWL
(23) Memphis / Iowa St.
li-"bear"-ty the beanie baby. I said that last year but it's the only thing I can think of when i see the word liberty.

FIESTA BOWL
(27) Penn St. / Washington
Writing 39 things is almost as hard as writing 40 things last year! Aaccck!!

ORANGE BOWL
(32) Wisconsin / Miami (FL)
I ask my wife to close her eyes christmas morning as i stand behind her, placing something around her neck. open your eyes, it's a turnover chain. merry christmas, jessie.

OUTBACK BOWL
(35) Michigan / South Carolina
Our dryer sheets are "blooming lavender" scented so every time i do laundry i say "bloomin' lavender" like the outback voiceover guy. it's great. the little things, you know?

PEACH BOWL
(5) UCF / Auburn
pronouncing peach like "peedge" to trigger the libs

CITRUS BOWL
(7) Notre Dame / LSU
Remember Mitch Hedberg, remember the thing where it's something about citrus? the bouyancy of citrus? I'm looking it up. Yeah that was it. The joke was that limes float so if he was on a sinking ship he would grab a lime and be saved by the bouyancy of citrus. classic.

ROSE BOWL
(10) Georgia / Oklahoma
I was surprised that Georgia and Oklahoma have never played before.

SUGAR BOWL
(15) Alabama / Clemson
I was surprised that Alabama and Clemson have never played before.

The Definitive History of the Bowl Pick Them

CRISIS wins in parentheses.

2005 - 2007: I can't prove that it happened.

2008: Second best win pct (.684) in non-CRISIS games.
Charles: 22-12 (9)
Captain: 19-15 (6)

2009: Fewest CRISIS games. Our worst combined performance. Worst victorious win pct. I just picked favorites. That did not pay off.
Charles: 18-16 (3)
Captain: 17-17 (2)

2010: The only time someone hasn't hit .500.
Charles: 21-14 (8)
Captain: 17-18 (4)

2011: Not particularly remarkable, I guess. This roughly approximates the 9 years overall.
Charles: 22-13 (8)
Captain: 19-16 (5)

2012: The Gold Standard of Pick Them performances (by you anyway). Also the best combined performance but that's just because you did so well. Our best performance (.778) in non-CRISIS games.
Charles: 26-9 (12)
Captain: 19-16 (5)

2013: My best performance (my only time over .600, which you have topped 5 times). Your worst performance. The perfect storm.
Charles: 18-17 (4)
Captain: 22-13 (8)

2014: Most CRISIS games.
Charles: 23-15 (11)
Captain: 20-18 (8)

2015: Highest win pct in CRISIS games.
Charles: 26-14 (9)
Captain: 20-20 (3)

2016: Best performance in a losing effort.
Charles: 23-17 (6)
Captain: 24-16 (7)

2008-2016:
Charles: 199-127 (70), .610
Captain: 177-149 (48), .543

2017 3E BOWL PICK THEM

TO SORT THROUGH ALL THIS GARBAGE WE'RE GONNA NEED... MORE POWER!!!1 *AARRUGGH, RUGGH, RUGGH*

 

SPECIAL NOTE: THAT FONT ON THE SCORE BOARD IS CALLED "JOKERMAN." BUT IN THIS CASE IT SHOULD BE CALLED "TOOL MAN." *AARRUGGH, RUGGH, RUGGH* BUT ALSO "JOKERMAN" IS FINE BECAUSE, IN HIS HEART OF HEARTS, THE TOOL MAN IS ALSO A JOKER MAN. *ARRUGHH*

 

Ok we all know the rules. Please submit your picks along with confidence ranking sometime before the games start. I shouldn't have to say this.

 

1 (least confident, like Al or maybe the shameful weakling child Mark) - 39 (most confident, as is the style of the Tool Man or his other, better sons)

 

New Orleans Bowl:

Troy v North Texas

 

Cure Bowl:

Western Kentucky v Georgia St.

 

Las Vegas Bowl:

Boise St. v Oregon

 

New Mexico Bowl:

Marshall v Colorado St.

 

Camellia Bowl:

Middle Tennessee v Arkansas St.

 

Boca Raton Bowl:

Akron v FAU

 

Frisco Bowl:

Louisiana Tech v SMU

 

Gasparilla Bowl:

Temple v FIU

 

Bahamas Bowl:

Ohio v UAB

 

Potato Bowl:

Central Michigan v Wyoming

 

Birmingham Bowl:

Texas Tech v USF

 

Armed Forces Bowl:

San Diego St. v Army

 

Dollar General Bowl:

Appalachian St. v Toledo

 

Hawaii Bowl:

Fresno St. v Houston

 

Heart of Dallas Bowl:

Utah v West Virginia

 

Quick Lane Bowl:

Duke v Northern Illinois

 

Cactus Bowl:

Kansas St. v UCLA

 

Independence Bowl:

Southern Mist v Florida St.

 

Pinstripe Bowl:

Iowa v Boston College

 

Foster Farms Bowl:

Arizona v Purdue

 

Texas Bowl:

Texas v Missouri

 

Military Bowl:

Virginia v Navy

 

Camping World Bowl:

Virginia Tech v Oklahoma St.

 

Alamo Bowl:

Stanford v TCU

 

Holiday Bowl:

Washington St. v Michigan St.

 

Belk Bowl:

Wake Forest v TAMU

 

Sun Bowl:

NC St. v Arizona St.

 

Music City Bowl:

Kentucky v Northwestern

 

Arizona Bowl:

Utah St. v New Mexico St.

 

Cotton Bowl:

USC v Ohio St.

 

TaxSlayer Bowl:

Louisville v Mississippi St.

 

Liberty Bowl:

Iowa St. v Memphis

 

Fiesta Bowl:

Washington v Penn St.

 

Orange Bowl:

Wisconsin v Miami (FL)

 

Outback Bowl:

Michigan v South Carolina

 

Peach Bowl:

UCF v Auburn

 

Citrus Bowl:

Notre Dame v LSU

 

Rose Bowl:

Georgia v Oklahoma

 

Sugar Bowl:

Alabama v Clemson

 

 

Commence to pickin.

Wow

It's over!

The Happy Guy: 4-5 (49-46-3)
The Sad Boy: 3-6 (45-50-3)

Remarkably similar results to last year:

C: 50-45-2
Tha C: 44-51-2

It really makes you think.

PICKS SO GOOD IT'S SCARY BECAUSE IT'S WEEK THIRTEEN BABY

You know what I see this week? A whole bunch of trash can games I wouldn't bet if this weren't a pick them situation, where lives are on the line and it's for all the marbles, marbles like Respect and Decency.

---

Old Mist (+16.5) Them dogs let me down last time. Mississippi State will definitely win 38-28 or something stupid like that.

Missouri (-10.5) Them hogs also let me down last time in the sense of not losing how I thought they should, but Bill Connelly had a thing about how the numbers aren't keeping up with Missourah, and I found it convincing.

Georgia (-11) For some reason I thought Georgia Tech was like 8-3, but they're having a real garbage season too. Should Auburn lose, I hope Tech wins, then Georgia beats Alabama, and the SEC gets left out of the playoff.

Florida State (-5.5) Florida State has a lot more to play for in this game, I .... guess? Wouldn't bet this game.

Kentucky (+10) Louisville was a crazy big favorite last year and then lost. Louisville will piddle around for 55 minutes and then win by 8.

Alabama (-4.5) it's like, c'mon man

Tennessee (-1) What a nightmare this one is.

South Carolina (+14) Of the games that don't involve dumpster teams that nobody should bet, this is the hardest pick. Clemson is a lot better with more to play for, but Muschamp is doing a really good job this year and was super mad because they got pasted last season. I like Clemson to win in a 21-14-type game.

LSU (-10.5) nah

this is the end

well its been fun


Old Mist +16.5  Seems like I pick against Mississippi State every week. Looking at it, I've picked them 3 times. I've also picked Vandy and LSU only three times each. The fewest? Oh you guessed it; I have picked against Auburn every single time because I'm a bad fan.

Missouri -10.5  Don't mess with a streak.

Georgia Tech +11   Dogs win obviously.

Florida +5.5  This will be wrong. Florida is 0-4 ATS as an underdog this year.

Louisville -10  Seems right.

Alabama -4.5  Toot toot! Here comes the Tide!

Tennessee -1  Who would actually bet on this? Degenerates and fools.

South Carolina +14  Clemson usually lets teams hang around somewhat and South Carolina isn't altogether terrible. Right?

LSU -10.5 You are right about Texas A&M, I would not bet on this game even if I were rich as hell.

Its week 13 baby

Well, I gave myself a shot. Breathtaking. Awe inspiring. UConn women.

Charles: 4-3 (45-41-3)
Captain: 7-0 (42-44-3)


Now, get a loada these:

Old Mist @ Mississippi State (-16.5)

Missouri (-10.5) @ Arkansas

Georgia (-11) @ Georgia Tech

Florida State (-5.5) @ Florida

Louisville (-10) @ Kentucky

Alabama (-4.5) @ Auburn

Vanderbilt @ Tennessee (-1)

Clemson (-14) @ South Carolina

TAMU @ LSU (-10.5)

my name is tha captain and i'm here to say: my week twelve picks are on display (below)

I've got a lot of ground to make up over the next two weeks. Luckily, I'm great at making things up.

Like for example I just imagined a guy saying "fork knife" instead of "fortnight." I made that up. Nobody has ever actually made that gaffe before.


UL-Monroe +37  Lotta points there.

Arkansas +11.5  I have never been wrong about Arkansas.

Georgia -21.5  Grrrrr! We're still angry about soldier boy!!

Florida -10.5   Or Florida will lose. I don't know.

Texas A&M +3   Texas A&M has a "12th man." Hard to argue with that, even on the road.

LSU -15.5  Seems like Tennessee will be a bunch of very sad boys.

Missouri -8.5  This was the most obvious pick to me. Therefore, Vando will win in a romp.

big c in the house, in the house tonight, gonna make these picks, gonna make em right

UL-Monroe (+37) Auburn is good, and Auburn is fine, but can't imagine that Auburn beats THIS line, This game won't matter and this line is a troll, cause Auburn rests some starters for the Iron Bowl

Mississississippi State (-11.5) This game is it--just what I feared, a game where the line looks really weird, I try not to be mean and don't say this to hurt, but you best pick against the Hogs 'til they fire Bert

Georgia (-21.5) These dogs irate, these dogs real mad, these dogs about to beat Kentucky real bad, And while looking forward is always swell, look back at last week and L O L

UAB (+10.5) Florida is hurting, they're looking for a spark, no way they get it against Big Bill Clark, Firing their coach did this team no favors, when they fail to cover against the mighty blazers

Old Mist (-3) If you spell it different, wes gets pissed, which I guess is cause enough for old mist

LSU (-15.5) If LSU wins out we could call it a hat trick, and did you know that Brady's middle name is Patrick? LSU is pretty good, and that's no joke, but I base this pick on my main man Hoke

Missouri (-8.5) Maybe I'm wrong but it seems to me that Vandy's not much better than Tennessee

Week 12

A Wes of a Thousand Colors: 3-5 (35-44-3)
The Fairly Drab C: 4-4 (41-38-3)

UL-Monroe at Auburn (-37)

Mississississippi State (-11.5) at Arkansas

Kuntecky at Georgia (-21.5)

UAB at Florida (-10.5)

Texas A&M at Old Mist (-3)

LSU (-15.5) at Tennessee

Missouri (-8.5) at Vanderbilt

The Lineless: Alabama, South Carolina

Tha Captainz Week Eleven (or should I say week "jane" (stranger things ref (spoiler alert!))) Pix

I humbly submit these picks. Really just honored to be competing.

Arkansas +17.5  Man, I don't know I just think the hogs got something for em.

Old Mist -19.5  Crap, I don't know I just think the rebs got a little something for em.

South Carolina -7  Hell, I don't know I just have a feeling that the cocks gonna have a little something for em.

Georgia -2.5   Dang, I don't know I just know the dawgs are gonna have a little something for em.

Kentucky +3  I mean, I don't know I just think the cats are going to have a little something for em.

Alabama -14  Hey, I really don't know I just have that feeling like the tide's gonna have a little something for em.

New Mexico +19  Look, I'm not claiming to know, I just think that the 'bos are gonna have a little something for em.

Tennessee +10.5   Dude, I don't know it just seems like the vols have a little something for em.

(311 voice) it's week ellleeeevvvvveeeeeennnnnen

LSU (-17.5) Arkansas has a bad offensive line, and LSU has a very good offensive line.

Old Mist (-19.5) This was a hard pick.

South Carolina (-7) lol

Georgia (-2.5) I very much hope to be wrong

Kentucky (+3) I don't like the way Google does CFB schedule searches anymore. Kind of surprised at this line.

Alabama (-14) never. in. doubt.

New Mexico (+19) LOS LOBOS GIGANTE

Tennessee (+10.5) I don't know

week eleven or should i say week "Jane" (stranger things ref (spoiler alert!))

there's so much blood
Charles About Town: 6-2-1 (37-34-3)
Low Down Brown: 2-6-1 (32-39-3)

Arkansas @ LSU (-17.5)

You'll Laugh @ Old Mist (-19.5)

Florida @ South Carolina (-7)

Georgia (-2.5) @ Auburn

Kentucky @ Vanderbilt (-3)

Alabama (-14) @ Mississippi State

New Mexico @ TAMU (-19)

Tennessee @ Missouri (-10.5)

you know it's week ten boooyyyzzzz

Auburn (-15) TAMU is a team on the decline.

UMass (+28) Does it seem like Mississippi State plays UMass a lot? I feel like they do, but I don't feel it strongly enough to actually check or anything.

Missouri (-3.5) yep

Western Kentucky (+10) Almost prepared to pick WKU straight up.

South Carolina (+24.5) I think Mustouchamp is doing a good job so far.

Kentucky (-3.5) you can throw out the records when these two superpowers finally match wits on the chessboard

Coastal Carolina (+23) How am I supposed to pick this game?

Tennessee (-6.5) I got to feel like Tennessee is a better team than UAB.

LSU (+21) An LSU win would be magical, but I expect them to lose 31-17.

Week 1G

This week's theme is Dean "Mean Dean" Koontz.


TAMU +15  The Flesh in the Furnace (1972) - Living puppets! It's crazy.

Mississippi State -28    Demon Seed (1973) - A artificially intelligent house tries to get a woman pregnant! It's wild.

Florida +3.5   The Key to Midnight (1979) - A woman loses her memory! It's insane.

Western Kentucky +10   Watchers (1987) - There's a super smart dog! It's wild.

South Carolina +24.5  Hideaway (1992) - Something about a wreck! I think I read this. It's insane.

Kentucky -3.5  Dark Rivers of the Heart (1994) - Something about another dog maybe? It's crazy.

Arkansas -23  I am tired of looking up Dean Koontz novels. I have work to do.

Tennessee -6.5  Ok I'm back. I finished my work.

Alabama -21  My only football related comment is that it's weird that I thought Missouri was the worst team in the SEC six weeks ago and now they're favorites over Florida.

Week and 10 let's do it again

A Charles In The Streets: 4-2 (31-32-2)
A Wesley In The Sheets: 3-3 (30-33-2)

THE RACE TO .500 CONTINUES

Auburn (-15) at TAMU

UMass at Mississississippi State (-28)

Florida at Missouri (-3.5)

Western Kentucky at Wanderbuilt (-10)

South Carolina at Georgia (-24.5)

Old Mist at Kentucky (-3.5)

Coastal Carolina at Arkansas (-23)

Southern Miss at Tennessee (-6.5)

LSU at Alabama (-21)

Unless my eyes doth deceive me, Auburn is the only road favorite. Probably fine!

It's vitally important that I do well this week...

So I'm going to try really hard to get these correct. All resources are at my disposal. Six and oh, here I come!

Old Mist -3.5  Gotta get off to a good start; really "set the tone." Talked to my parents about who they thought I should pick here. Always good to get advice from your elders.

Florida +14    Prayed hard about this one.

South Carolina -6.5   Called one of those psychic help-lines here. They say they're "for entertainment purposes only" but there's got to be something to 'em.

Missouri -11.5   Talked with my wife (borat ha ha). After a long, hard (long, hard ha ha) all-nighter (ha ha) we made a decision AS A TEAM. That's what marriage is. It's a team effort!

TAMU +1   Emailed Ivan Maisel (really smart football guy, been "around the block" when it comes to the SEC). Didn't respond. Prayed again.

Tennessee +5.5   Went to the most bountiful font of knowledge there is: The G-Meister. That's right folks. He thought they were playing Georgia in Atlanta (where UGA is) at "The Atlanta Dome" on NBC at 9:30because "they always play morning games in the SEC" but he did say "Tennessee" at one point during a rambling digression about Benghazi (which he called "Mogaduzi") so we're going Vols, baby!

(Thrift shop voice) Picks picks, picks, picks, picks picks, picks, picks

Old Mist (-3.5) It's important to remember that Arkansas sucks

Georgia (-14) I expect about 33-14

Vanderbilt (+6.5) I was surprised when I looked to compare their records/schedules how little overlap there is in games between these two titans of the gridiron.

Missouri (-11.5)  I expect some slicing and dicing.

Mississippi St (-1) I'd give Missississsiiiippi State 6 before I'd even start to think about considering this one any other way.

Tennessee (+5.5) I don't know if Tennessee will win, but I think it will be closer.

Week Nine, dang season's almost over

You Know (The Format)
Respected Man: 4-1 (27-30-2)
Cautionary Tale: 1-4 (27-30-2)

That's so close.

Arkansas @ Old Mist (-3.5)

Georgia (-14) vs Florida

Vanderbilt @ South Carolina (-6.5)

Missouri (-11.5) @ UConn

Mississippi St (-1) @ TAMU

Tennessee @ Kentucky (-5.5)


Meanwhile, the (I guess) three best teams in the West (right now) are "takin er easy."

ittsa meee tha capptaaain

This week's theme: its pasta baby


Missouri -14.5   spaghetti's long and thin

Tennessee +35.5 angel hair's long and thinner

Kentucky +11.5   if pasta's in your kitchen

Old Mist  +6.5  then cook some up for dinner

Arkansas +15.5  thank you


This is definitely the weekend this thing gets sat upon its head.

picks

According to most, basketball players invented the high five. That's fitting, because these five games are high on my list of things to watch this weekend.

Idaho (+14.5) I don't know a lot about Idaho.

Alabama (-35.5) Ah, ah, duh!

Mississippi State (-11.5) This is a really tough pick. I don't think Kentucky is as good as their record. Predicting a 13 point win.

LSU (-6.5) LSU is a team on the rise, Ole Miss is a team on the decline.

Auburn (-15.5) So, Malzahn's thing is that he can smash less talented teams, but he can't beat teams of roughly equal talent, right?

Week Ate

SIRENS SIRENS SOMEBODY AT .500 ALERT PLEASE REMAIN CALM

The proud American West: 4-3 (26-26-2)
The fickle unpatriot CharleSSR: 4-3 (23-29-2)

Like a third of the conference is off this week.

Idaho at Missouri (-14.5)

Tennessee at Alabama (-35.5)

Kentuckums at Mississippi State (-11.5)

LSU (-6.5) at Old Mist

Auburn (-15.5) at Arkansas

Awfully off: Florida, Georgia, South Carolina, TAMU, Vanderbilt

the seven weeks -- week urchin, weak anemone, week bass, and so on

Doing these in a hurry without much thought, so this will almost certainly be my best week.

Mississippi State (-23.5) BYU is bad

Tennessee (-3) two bad teams

Auburn (-7) STILL ON THE HYPE TRAIN

Old Mist (-3.5) Khaki bowl

TAMU (+3) curious line to my eye; what has Florida done to be a favorite? Texas A&M looked a lot better so far, to me. I thought the most about this so it will be wrong.

Alabama (-28) wooo pig sooey

Georgia (-30) whatever

*In a monotone speaking voice, devoid of any inflection or nuance* These are my picks for week seven.

This week's theme is the 7 Wonders of the Ancient World.


Mississippi State -23.5   Great Pyramid of Giza: used to store grain.

Tennessee -3   The Hanging Gardens of Babylon:  probably not even real. lame.

 LSU +7   Temple of Artemis at Ephesus:  nobody cares about this. not there anymore.

Vanderbilt +3.5   Statue of Zeus at Olympia: congratulations on building a statue, idiots.

Florida -3   Mausoleum at Halicarnassus:  see Temple of Artemis

Alabama -28   Colossus of Rhodes: I heard it wasn't that big.

Missouri +30   Lighthouse of Alexandria:  holy shit a lighthouse! truly wondrous. NOT.

Lucky Seven

First and foremost, something i would never forget to do:
Last Week (oeuverawl)
Weasley: 3-2-1 (22-23-2)
Cheesley: 3-2-1 (19-26-2)

It's cool that these are all either very close or very not close.


BYU @ Mississippi State (-23.5)

South Carolina @ Tennessee (-3)

Auburn (-7) @ LSU

Vanderbilt @ Old Mist (-3.5)

TAMU @ Florida (-3)

Arkansas @ Alabama (-28)

Missouri @ Georgia (-30)


Elsewhere doing more important things like catching up on studies, starting a new hobby, and diligently self-caring: The University of Kentucky Wildcats

[musically] week six/ I'm not good at picks

Auburn (-21) I'm ready to get on the hype train

Georgia (-17.5) Georgia isn't as good as Alabama, but they're a lot better than Waaanderbilt, right?

Florida (-3) This game will be stupid to watch until the last five minutes. I think LSU loses the game more than Florida wins it. Also Florida winning the East and then losing to Alabama by six touchdowns is now the plan.

Arkansas (-1.5) I don't think either one of these teams is especially good.

TAMU (+26) (to the tune of "Won't Get Fooled Again") I'll be wrong again

Missouri (+10) Missouri is bad, but Kentucky is not exactly the 1985 Bears.

*to the tune of Dead and Bloated by Stone Temple Pilots* These ARRRREEE Wes's Week Six Pix That Somebody Told Me Will Be Wrong and Stuuupiiid

do do do do *snap* *snap*

Old Mist +21  Gomez Addams was the father. Rich for some reason. Hispanic. Horny. Swordsman.

Georgia -17.5   Morticia Addams was the mother. Tall. Pale. Largely unemotive. Spoke French in order to make Gomez even hornier than usual.

Florida -3  Wednesday Addams was the daughter. Pigtailed and murderous.

South Carolina +1.5  Pugsley Addams was the son. Generally happy-go-lucky. Not bright. Constantly being murdered by his sister.

TAMU +26  Uncle Fester was the uncle. Rotund. Very strong. Hairless. Good with the kids.

Kentucky -10  The rest. There was a grandmother type who had a cauldron, a severed yet sentient hand, squeaky hair-man, and a Frankenstein butler.

weak sex heh heh heh

We're ... we're not good, folks.

el dubs (oh aye):
everybody's friend wes: a muscular 3-5 (19-21-1)
everybody's foe charles: dee-litefully 2-6 (16-24-1)

Old Mist at Auburn (-21)

Georgia (-17.5) at Vanderbuiltfordtough

LSU at Florida (-3)

Arkansas (-1.5) at South Carolina

Alabama (-26) at TAMU

Missouri at Kentucky (-10)

Off apparently: Missississippi State, Tennessee (tennessee)

It's been/ week five that I make my picks/ make em wrong so I say I'm sorry

Vanderbluth (+10) I see a low-scoring 13-10 kind of game here. I am warming to the idea of, say, a three-loss Florida team going to the SEC title game so they can get smothered to death by Alabama and lose the Citrus Bowl to Penn State. Couldn't be happier.

New Mexico State (+16.5) I like the Aggies to cover here. Arkansas is emotionally shattered.

Georgia (-7.5) I think Georgia will be clearly better, but I also think is primed to be also a low-scoring game.

Regular Kentucky (-14.5) More like Can-tucky (?)

Mississippi State (+9.5) To me, that's preposterous. Auburn covering, things of that nature.

Troy (State) (+19.5) This line looks high to me.

TAMU (-10) I've given up on them Cocks, and I think Christian Kirk is really good at football. Prove me wrong, Muschache.

Old Mist (+27.5) Cap, I want to ADDRESS this issue. You KNOW I am sensitive to the Tide covering. BUT!

a captain makes his picks

please respect them, they're very important to him


Vanderbilt +10   The score of this game will be 11 - 2

Arkansas -16.5   Already forgot who they're playing.

Georgia -7.5   Kirby Smart.

Kentucky -14.5   Good coffee! You'll learn the origin story of this cup of coffee later in the post.

Mississippi State +9.5   The G-Meister just referred to the Amazon Fire Stick as the "Hot Stick" and now that's all I can focus on. Hot Stick.

Troy +19.5   UPSET ALERT!

TAMU -10   Going to go get some coffee while I think of something to write here.

Old Mist +27.5   hahaha, Why did I pick old mist? The answer is that I believe in Coach Freeze and what he's building.

week faaaaahve

last week (overalls):
the important man charles: a sterling 4-4 (14-18-1)
the obsolete man west: a craven 4-4 (16-16-1)

commence to pickin'!

Vanderbutt @ Florida (-10)

New Mexico State @ Arkansas (-16.5)

Georgia (-7.5) @ Tennessee

Eastern Michigan @ Regular Kentucky (-14.5)

Mississippi State @ Auboooo-urns (-9.5)

Troy (State) @ LSU (-19.5)

South Carolina @ TAMU (-10)

Old Mist @ Alabama (-27.5)



Sir Not-Appearing-In-This-Film: Missouri, possibly the worst team on earth

weak four traditionally features no old mist

excited to see some great blocks, tackles, throws, and catches in these games


Missouri +18   gross

UMass +28  poor, shitty, stupid tennessee

Arkansas +2.5   I would have picked them at -2.5, thanks sucker!! ha ha I'm so dumb.

South Carolina -8.5   sure

Alabama -18.5  nobody is convincing me that Vanderbilt is any good

Georgia -5.5   wrong

Syracuse +21.5    wrong

Florida -2   I actually think the score will be 2-0

pick some games before you go go

Missouri (+18) no way Auburn covers

UMass (+28) Of course, Tennessee will win, but I don't think they'll cover. 24 points would be a much tougher pick for me.

Texas A&M (-2.5) at Arkansas I do not now nor have I ever thought Bert Bulima is a particularly good coach. I think Sumlin in uneven but can be good. Plus my limited understanding is that Sumlin has the slighter hotter seat and thus more motivation to win.

South Carolina (-8.5) This is a weird game with a weird line. South Carolina having that best player get hurt challenges my conception of this game, which was limited to begin with, but I'm sticking with it.

Alabama (-18.5) it enrages me that this game exists.

Mississippi St (+5.5) I like the underdog straight up. Dan Mullen the best non-Saban coach in the conference? That's probably my pick. More like Kirby Dumb!

Syracuse (+21.5) [pushing up glasses] "Actually, Syracuse was the Orangemen until 2004, when" [gets hit by a bus]

Florida (-2) Impossible for me to muster any interest in this game.

better week four than never

The wonderful west: 3-4-1 (12-12-1 overall, sick symmetry)
The chunderful charles: 2-5-1 (10-14-1 overall, lol)

Auburn (-18) at Missouri

UMass at Tennessee (-28)

Texas A&M (-2.5) at Arkansas

La Tech at South Carolina (-8.5)

Alabama (-18.5) at Vanderbilt

Mississippi St at Georgia (-5.5)

Syracuse at LSU (-21.5)

Florida (-2) at Kentuckums

it's my picks .... now or never .... I just want to pick forever

TAMU (-24) TAMU is going to be mad about being such stupid moron idiots. Or, they'll fall apart? But I think they'll be mad. Them Cajuns is not very Ragin'.

Tennessee (+4.5) I was kind of surprised that Florida was such a big favorite, given their general offensive incompetence. Plus, Florida has to be all kinds of discombobulated with the hurrrrrrrrricane.

Purdue (+7) To cover but lose or maybe even straight up. I am not sure why Missourah is this big a favorite. Purdah had a close game to Louisville, who is good, and Missourah has looked like trash so far.

Alabama (-28.5) I totally forgot Bobo was Colorado State's coach.

Mississississippi State (+7) I think they cover but lose. I am not very confident about this pick.

Kansas State (-4) Yeah Waaaandy has a good defense, but that's because they've played two bad teams. We thought Auburn would have a good offense after the GA Southern game, but that was stupid. I don't know very much about Kansas State this year.

South Carolina (-6.5) A touchdown sounds about right, a 24-17 kind of game.

Old Mist (-3.5) I am also not very confident about this pick, although I am excited about this game. It's really late for Ole Miss, and they're cross country etc, plus the whole going to get hammered by the NCAA. But they're also way more talented than Cal. I am guessing the Alt Might passing game is the difference. If we were doing bets on over/unders, I would take the over here.

here come tha captainz week three picks

they say confidence is everything.

TAMU -24  easy pick. extremely confident. no way this is wrong.

Tennessee +4.5  really buying in on tennessee. this is a lock.

Purdue +7   missouri is a must-sell. 100% certain.

Alabama -28.5   the tide is going to "roll." take this one to the bank, boys.

LSU -7   are you kidding me? like taking candy from a baby.

Vanderbilt +4  vanderbilt might win the big 12. would at least be in the championship game. no doubt in my mind here.

South Carolina -6.5  this is basic as hell. there is only one answer.

Cal +3.5  perhaps the surest possible thing. bet the house, wife, and kids.

Week Three: this is the weekend it starts to get really good. just kidding.

Last week (Overall):

The big boy charles: 2 - 4 (8 - 9)
The big boy west: 4 - 2 (9 - 8)

It's neck and neck. Is this the weekend one of us gets a big old goose egg? Also is it the weekend one of us picks zero games correctly? I don't know the answer to either question but the second one is probably "no, that's very unlikely" and the first one is probably "i think charles is going to be pleasantly surprised with his goose egg."


Louisiana-Lafayette @ TAMU (-24)

Tennessee @ Florida (-4.5)

Purdue @ Mizzouri (-7)

Colorado State @ Alabama (-28.5)

LSU (-7) @ Missississippi State

Kansas State (-4) @ Vanderbilt

Kentucky @ South Carolina (-6.5)

Old Mist (-3.5) @ Cal


Dead to us this week:
Auburn (Mercer), Georgia (Samford (the real one)), Arkansas (themselves at practice I guess)

the captain week two picks

"I think your gonna like em"

Clemson -5 I forgot which of the white post-RG3 baylor quarterbacks jarrett stidham was. now i'm disappointed. not an overwhelming disappointment, i mean its something i'll work through but shit man. hurts right now.

Alabama -43.5 its fun and fashionable to throw around things like "thats a lotta points homer" and "nick saban doesn't obliterate lesser oponents, he slowly smothers them" *stephen a. smith voice* BUT! *end stephen a. smith voice i guess* last year alabama covered a 43.5 point line against kent state. *twist stephen a. smith voice* BUT!

TCU -3 if you like the gridiron, you'll love football.

South Carolina +2.5 i have already forgotten whether south carolina won last week. i remembered now.

La Tech +8 mississippi state plays a lot of weird away games. also, la tech is the feminine form, the mens teams should be le tech. i'm just kidding.

Georgia +4 "catholics vs convicts!" "hey... they're all convicts" *in a hushed, subversive tone with a cheshire grin creeping across my awful face* "they're all catholics..."

already out of clever titles

My picks

Auburn (+5) Check this out: Auburn will lose but cover.

Alabama (-43.5) I guess?

TCU (-3) at Arkansas So we basically don't know anything about these teams. I actually looked it up, and last year was that weird game where TCU outplayed Arkansas but still lost. So, I think that happens again, except TCU outplays Arkansas and wins.

Missouri (-2.5) I picked against the COCKS last week and was stupid. But, NC State probably should have won, so maybe I was smart but still just wrong. I feel like this will be relatively high scoring, which maybe favors Missouri? This would be my least-confident pick, probably.

Mississippi State (-8) Why is this game in Ruston Lerisianer?

Notre Dame (-4) Somebody said Fromm has moxie, and it's hard to pick against moxie. But I'm a big believer that Notre Dame is a lot better than they were last year. It looks like the line moved? I thought it opened higher than this. I am not confident about this pick, either. I guess my decision comes down to the fact that I don't much like Georgia.

Weak Two

LAST WEEK:

Tha Handsome Captain: 5-6
Yer friend Charlie: 6-5

We are off to a staggering, earth-scorching start. Pix at six on Thursday. This is a fairly light lineup.

Auburn at Clemson (-5)

Fresno State at Alabama (-43.5)

TCU (-3) at Arkansas

South Carolina at Missouri (-2.5)

Mississippi State (-8) at La Tech

Georgia at Notre Dame (-4)

---

Not on the menu, boys:

Northern Colorado at Florida
Eastern Kentucky at Regular Kentucky
Tenn-Martin at Ole-Miss
Indiana State at Tennessee
Alabama A&M at Vanderbilt A&M
Nicholls A&M at Texas A&M
Chattanooga at LSooga

THE BOYS ARE BACK IN TOWN

My picks! genuinely excited, not confident.

NC State (-5) I guess

Michigan (-3.5) lol hardballs. FOR THE RECORD: I expect Michigan to win by exactly four points.

Kentuckums (-10)

Jeorgia (-14.5) this is the new way we spell it for UGA

Georgia Southern (+34.5) There's no way Auburn covers a five touchdown spread, right?

South Alabama (+24) without their escort services, Auld Must is powerless, like Samson without his hair.

Alabama (-7) villains. Easiest pick of the week.

Vanderbilt (-3) Why is this an away game for the Commies?

BYU (+16.5) The Big Easy™. I had lswho? to cover, but there's a storm comin'.

UCLA (-3.5) A tough pick.

Tennessee (-3) I guess. Another tough pick.

kenneth bone

I'm going to win this year. NOT.


NC State -5 people think nc state is going to be good maybe? did I make that up? who the hell am I to maybe disagree with them? I am not researching this at all.

Michigan -3.5 I guess

Southern Mist +10 call me old fashioned but I consider usm a mid-major powerhouse and also one of Alabama's principal rivals

Appalachian State +14.5 but Georgia wins in some stupid way

Georgia Southern +34.5 bart simpson voice: aye carumba! thatsa lotta points, homer

South Alabama +24 this is difficult. on the one hand I don't care and on the other hand it doesn't matter

Alabama -7 I bought a tv antenna so I can watch part of this game because I hate myself

Middle Tennessee State +3 exciting

BYU +16.5 bart simpson voice: homer, I'm concerned about how many points lsu is giving here

UCLA -3.5  tamu? ucla? what is this alphabet soup.

Tennessee -3 time to build up a head of hype before the Alabama game, tennessee

Remember how I won both parts of the bowl pick them?

Picks are ATS and due by Thursday at 6. Even though none of the applicable games are until Saturday unless they're not because of Harvey. And buddy... all bets are off.


NC State (-5) v South Carolina [@ Charlotte]

Michigan (-3.5) v Florida [@ Arlington, TX]

Kentuckee (-10) @ Southern Mist

Appalachian State @ Georgia (-14.5)

Georgia Southern @ Auburn (-34.5)

South Alabama @ Old Mist (-24)

Florida State v Alabama (-7) [@ Atlanta have you heard about this new stadium]

Vanderbilt (-3) @ Middle Tennessee State

BYU v LSU (-16.5) [@ New Orleans, I guess?]

TAMU @ UCLA (-3.5)

Tennessee (-3) v Georgia Tech [@ Atlanta I know ga tech is in Atlanta but this is at the new butthole shaped stadium]


Sittin' this one out: Arkansas (FAMU), Missouri (Missouri State), Mississippi State (Charleston Southern)

Instead of Birmingham southern, you should have gone to Charleston southern.

i love cheap thrills

small fish meet big pond: brighton, huddersfield

brighton & hove albion

huddersfield town (aka the terriers, adorable)

that's it i'm done

Small fish, meet big pond: Newcastle

New castle? Are they still building those??? I'm kidding.

Location: up north, a rarity these days

Nickname: the butt holes. I'm kidding.

Stately, Non-Commercial Stadium Name: Newcastle stadium. (kidding)

Crest: seahorses are a delicacy in Newcastle. im kidding

What they'll bring to the table (metaphorically!): I don't know

What they'll bring to the table (literally!): don't know

Let me find out your old man wear sandals

end

Congrats to the noble captain, who deserved this.

Bowl scoreboard image ranking:

trumpet time
walking stick ridge
hay monster sunset
skull n bugs
water head
vest-wearing fella
forest lane

fin

special "almost there" edition

the largest margin by which i can win confidence is 86 points. the closest it can end up is a 12 point victory for me. the largest margin in a scenario where you win the remaining crises and we split is 27 points.

special "better late than never" edition

For you to win the W/L portion of the pick them, each of the following teams must win:

Georgia Tech
Florida
Auburn

For you to win the confidence portion as well, each of the following teams must win:

Louisville
Georgia Tech
Florida
Wisconsin
Auburn

AND at least 1 of the following teams must win:

Clemson
USC


Got it. Here's the 'board going into the new years eve games.

special "this boat is not big enough, we need a bigger one (bc of the shark)" edition

i have all 256 possible permutations for the next two days so no more projected scores after this, just raw data

special "we're not outta the woods yet boys" edition

typing is so hard

special "oh just one of them days" edition

so much blood.

special "maybe the 'alt-right' is right" edition

big day... but they're all big if you think about it.

special "holiday fun" edition

delicately poised

special "merry christmas from jane the virgin" edition

its nape and nape

special "good night" edition

I hope everyone had a good day.

we both lost bigly but you lost slightly biglier

suck it up and pick it up have been reset to 50% and 75% respectively

special "good morning" edition

I hope we're having a great day.

points/pointswagered, % won
keep it up, suck it up (now 60%), pick it up (now 85%), max score

still close... but "black friday" looms...

special surgery prep edition

points/points wagered , % won
keep it up, win 50% of remaining points, win 80% of remaining points, win 100% of remaining points (max score)

and they're off!!

score board classic

 

the new score board (points/pointswagered, percent, the "keep it up" score (what you'll get if you "keep it up" by which i mean keep winning confidence points at your current rate), maximum possible score)

 

if this post had an astrological sign it would be crises ha ha

THIS IS SO FUCKING EXCITING. I FEEL ALIVE AGAIN. IT'S LIKE I HIBERNATE BETWEEN PICK THEMS.

Charles(conf)/Wes(conf)

Saturday, December 17th:
Las Vegas Bowl - Houston (11) / San Diego St. (16)
New Orleans Bowl - Southern Mist (27) / UL-Lafayette (14)

Friday, December 23rd:
Bahamas Bowl - Eastern Michigan (13) / Old Dominion (23)
Armed Forces Bowl - Louisiana Tech (24) / Navy (17)
Dollar General Bowl - Ohio (14) / Troy (22)

Saturday, December 24th:
Hawaii Bowl - Hawaii (12) / MTSU (9)

Tuesday, December 27th:
Heart of Dallas Bowl - Army (32) / North Texas (18)

Wednesday, December 28th:
Texas Bowl - TAMU (20) / Kansas St. (4)

Thursday, December 29th:
Alamo Bowl - Colorado (19) / Oklahoma St. (10)

Friday, December 30th:
Liberty Bowl - TCU (23) / Georgia (36)

Saturday, December 31st:
Taxslayer Bowl - Georgia Tech (6) / Kentucky (8)

Monday, January 2nd:
Outback Bowl - Florida (8) / Iowa (2)
Sugar Bowl - Auburn (10) / Oklahoma (39)

THA CAPTAINZ 3E BOWL PICK THEM 2016 PIX - BE SILENT AND GET A LOAD OF THIS GARBAGE

WINNER LISTED FIRST, BECAUSE WINNERS ARE #1 BABY
CONFIDENCE POINTS ARE PRETTY CLEARLY INDICATED, YOU CAN FIGURE THIS OUT

INSTEAD OF THOUGHTS ABOUT THE GAMES I'M JUST GOING TO DO SOME FREE ASSOCIATION BECAUSE OBVIOUSLY I DIDN'T PUT ANY THOUGHT INTO WHAT'S GOING TO HAPPEN IN THE GAMES

NEW MEXICO BOWL
(32) New Mexico / UTSA
lobos are not coyotes so they have shot, right

LAS VEGAS BOWL
(16) San Diego St. / Houston
Can't think of San Diego without thinking of Anchorman and all the classic quotes "hello I'm don burgundy" and "welcome to the news."

CAMELLIA BOWL
(21) Appalachian St. / Toledo
that guy with the sign. i hope he comes back and we see the sign on tv. Toledo seems like an awful place to live. I hope Toledo gets ahead and appy comes back so I can call them "blow-lead-o"

CURE BOWL
(24) UCF / Arkansas St.
now ucf now you don't. ha ha.

NEW ORLEANS BOWL
(14) UL-Lafayette / Southern Mist
which sounds more refreshing, old mist or southern mist

MIAMI BEACH BOWL
(38) Tulsa / Central Michigan
tulsa the city seems terrible, all the moreso because my cousin knew this heinous girl named tulsa

BOCA RATON BOWL
(11) Western Kentucky / Memphis
quitting my job so i can watch this and also every other game

POINSETTIA BOWL
(19) BYU / Wyoming
"I love this lamp" "thank you that concludes the newscast" just too many good quotes

IDAHO POTATO BOWL
(37) Colorado St. / Idaho
 that's a big number i have in front of this

BAHAMAS BOWL
(23) Old Dominion / Eastern Michigan
going to start the rumor that eric harris was an old dominion fan and dylan klebold was an eastern michigan fan and they did columbine because they thought they would never see their beloved football teams go toe to toe in their favorite tropical archipelago that we all know and love as the Bahamas

ARMED FORCES BOWL
(17) Navy / Louisiana Tech
don't know why i picked navy. i guess bc jessica's car has a retired navy license plate so a bunch of elderly sailors are always saluting us.

DOLLAR GENERAL BOWL
(22) Troy / Ohio
troy is the most dollar general team

HAWAII BOWL
(9) Middle Tennessee / Hawaii
tolkien's magical fantasy setting of middle tennessee

ST. PETERSBURG BOWL
(33) Mississippi St. / Miami (OH)
 everybody loves a trip to busch gardens

QUICK LANE BOWL
(3) Boston College / Maryland
this was a better rivalry than texas/tamu or kansas/missouri. glad these old sparring partners are getting back together in the motor city.

INDEPENCENCE BOWL
(15) NC State / Vanderbilt
 who's ready for some game theory or whatever

FART OF DALLAS BOWL
(18) North Texas / Army
bad pick

MILITARY BOWL
(34) Temple / Wank Forest
the best thing about the military? the troops, baby

HOLIDAY BOWL
(6) Washington St. / Minnesota
"that got out of hand in a hurry" "this scotch is fantastic" I could go on and on

CACTUS BOWL
(7) Boise St. / Baylor
chop open a cactus to drink the life saving water within *record scratch* that's actually a myth perpetrated by cartoons and also a book i had when i was a kid

PINSTRIPE BOWL
(29) Pittsburgh / Northwestern
to whom the hell did pitt lose this year? they beat the only good acc team they played. the answer is va tech, miami, unc, and oklahoma state whom i forgot they played. 

RUSSELL ATHLETIC BOWL
(5) West Virginia / Miami (FL)
i labored over this pick, labored like a common laborer

FOSTER FARMS BOWL
(30) Utah / Indiana
 is this in san francisco, i want to go to san francisco

TEXAS BOWL
(4) Kansas St. / Texas A+M
this is wrong

BIRMINGHAM BOWL
(35) USF / South Carolina
remember when pitt played in the bham bowl like 4 straight times under 3 or 4 different coaches. that was funny as hell. now muschamp has been there 3 straight years with 3 different teams. that's less funny than hell because auburn was involved

BELK BOWL
(28) Virginia Tech / Arkansas
time to "belk" up with the belk bowl

ALAMO BOWL
(10) Oklahoma St. / Colorado
this could be fun i guess. soapy loofa and the buffs vs a big mullet man. 

LIBERTY BOWL
(36) Georgia / TCU
there was a red white and blue beanie baby bear and his name was li-bear-ty.

SUN BOWL
(31) Samford / North Carolina
not actually samford

MUSIC CITY BOWL
(1) Nebraska / Tennessee
how the hell do you pick any tennessee game

ARIZONA BOWL
(25) Air Force / South Alabama
 Air Force should be called Airfy or something

ORANGE BOWL
(27) Michigan / Florida
jim hard balls vs jim macklewang

CITRUS BOWL
(26) LSU / Louisville
heisman curse

TAXSLAYER BOWL
(8) Kentucky / Georgia Tech
dumb pick

PEACH BOWL
(40) Alabama / Warshington
 maybe washington will win

FIESTA BOWL
(13) A Ohio St. / Clemson
 congratulations on two great seasons, dickbags

OUTBACK BOWL
(2) Iowa / Florida
everybody loves a trip to busch gardens

COTTON BOWL
(20) Wisconsin / Western Michigan
very hard to write 40 things

ROSE BOWL
(12) USC / Penn St.
pun state. ha ha

SUGAR BOWL
(39) Oklahoma / Auburn
should have been georgia

(to the tune of "Con te partirò"): Time to .... picks some bowls

Gildan New Mexico Bowl
Albuquerque, N.M., Dec. 17
New Mexico (-7) vs. UTSA

Wow, there are a lot of bowls.

My pick: NEW MEXICO
Confidence ranking: 22

Las Vegas Bowl
Las Vegas, Dec. 17
Houston (-3) vs. San Diego State

Houston lost a coach! I tend to think that players try to impress a new coach, and there's not going to be a lot of transition difficulty with an internal promotion.

My pick: HOUSTON
Confidence ranking: 11

Camellia Bowl
Montgomery, Ala., Dec. 17
Appalachian State vs. Toledo (-1)

I mean, sure? I saw Appalachian State play in this bowl game last year, and it was quite a hoot.

My pick: APPY STATE
Confidence ranking: 1

Cure Bowl
Orlando, Dec. 17
UCF (-6) vs. Arkansas State

Tough to take this game seriously. I think some home field advantage will be the difference, but maybe not? A person gambling on this game would have to be a real degenerate.

My pick: UCF
Confidence ranking: 21

New Orleans Bowl

New Orleans, Dec. 17
Southern Mississippi (-3.5) vs. UL Lafayette

I wouldn't say that I've always liked Southern Miss, but I like them more than I like several teams. You Laugh is improving, but Southern Miss returns their starting quarterback. I actually did research on this game, and that why I will get this pick wrong.

My pick: SOU MISS
Confidence ranking: 27

Miami Beach Bowl
Miami, Dec. 19
Central Michigan vs. Tulsa (-11.5)

I saw Central Michigan on replay several times during the botched ending of their win over Oklahoma State. Frankly, what I watched didn't impress me. Did you know that Tulsa has the #6 offense? I didn't!

My pick: TULSA
Confidence ranking: 36

Boca Raton Bowl
Boca Raton, Fla., Dec. 20
Memphis vs. Western Kentucky (-5)

Western Kentucky lost their coach, and I think that I have asserted before my theory that players want to impress a potential new coach. I still don't feel terribly confident about this game, but I do guarantee one thing: it will be a WacKY game!

My pick: WESTERN KENTUCKY
Confidence ranking: 28

Poinsettia Bowl 

San Diego, Dec. 21
BYU (-8.5) vs. Wyoming

Normally, when the starting quarterback gets hurt at the end of the season, you pick against that team, but BYU had this happen last year and had good results. BYU has Big Mo(mentum) on their side.

My pick: BYU
Confidence ranking: 34

Potato Bowl
Boise, Idaho, Dec. 22
Idaho vs. Colorado State (-13.5)

POE TAY TOE

My pick: Colorado State
Confidence ranking: 39

Bahamas Bowl
Nassau, Bahamas, Dec. 23
Eastern Michigan vs. Old Dominion (-3.5)

Bahamas mon! Old Dominion is 9-3, but against a schedule that would embarrass your fair Captain on Dynasty Mode.

My pick: EASTERN MICHIGAN
Confidence ranking: 13

Armed Forces Bowl
Fort Worth, Texas, Dec. 23
Louisiana Tech vs. Navy (n/a)

Two teams riding losing streaks meet up in a game featuring institutions which helped win WWII. Scientists at NASA have confirmed that Tim Rattay is still coaching at La Tech.

My pick: LA TECH
Confidence ranking: 24

Dollar General Bowl
Mobile, Ala., Dec. 23
Ohio vs. Troy (-4)

Dolla dolla genrul y'all! That's the slogan I pitched Dollar General; it did not go well. Troy didn't beat Georgia Southern, which is all I want to see Walt sad.

My pick: OHIO
Confidence ranking: 14

Hawai'i Bowl
Honolulu, Dec. 24
Hawaii vs. Middle Tennessee (n/a)

Home field (or should I say ho field) advantage carries the day. Flying to Hawaii to play around in the water is distracting for a kid living in Murphfreezeborough Tennessee.

My pick: HAWAII
Confidence ranking: 12

St. Petersburg Bowl
St. Petersburg, Fla., Dec. 26
Miami (Ohio) vs. Mississippi State (-13)

Thirteen points seems like a big margin, but the outcome seems assured. Ned Starkville seems like a thing, right?

My pick: MISSISSISSISSISSIPPI STATE
Confidence ranking: 25

Quick Lane Bowl
Detroit, Dec. 26
Maryland (-1.5) vs. Boston College

Former ACC foes match up once again! BC has been smashed by every decent team they played, but fortunately they're playing Maryland. Did you know Maryland's coach is actually named D J Durkin? I cannot stand it.

My pick: BC
Confidence ranking: 2

Camping World Independence Bowl
Shreveport, La., Dec. 26
NC State (-4) vs. Vanderbilt

Dave Durrrrren

My pick: NC STATE
Confidence ranking: 35

Zaxby's Heart of Dallas Bowl
Dallas, Dec. 27
Army vs. North Texas (n/a)

Don't mess with North Texas! That's what I'd say if North Texas hadn't lose seven games this year.

My pick: AMERICA'S ARMY
Confidence ranking: 32

Military Bowl
Annapolis, Md., Dec. 27
Temple (-13) vs. Wake Forest

That Tim Rattay tab is still open. Hmm.

My pick: LEGEND OF THE HIDDEN TEMPLE
Confidence ranking: 38

Holiday Bowl
San Diego, Dec. 27
Minnesota vs. Washington State (-7)

I've never been to Minnesota or Washington state. You know I got my boy Mike Leach in this game, though.

My pick: WASHINGTON STATE
Confidence ranking: 4

Cactus Bowl
Phoenix, Dec. 27
Boise State (-7.5) vs. Baylor

Baylor is turning into a Penn State-esque nightmare right now, aren't they.

My pick: BOISE STATE
Confidence ranking: 37

Pinstripe Bowl
Bronx, N.Y., Dec. 28)
Pittsburgh (-5.5) vs. Northwestern

I had already forgotten that Pitt beat both Clemson and Penn State. Northwestern started off pretty bad but improved, which makes me wonder if this will be a close game.

My pick: PITTTTTTTTT
Confidence ranking: 16

Athletic Bowl
Orlando, Dec. 28
West Virginia vs. Miami (Florida) (-3)

Holgo for life. I think WVU will lose this game, and I don't even care. Did you know they're in the Big 12? And it only has ten teams? What a country.

My pick: WVU
Confidence ranking: 3

Foster Farms Bowl
Santa Clara, Calif., Dec. 28
Indiana vs. Utah (-8)

Utes? What's a Ute? Classic.

My pick: UTAH
Confidence ranking: 17

Texas Bowl
Houston, Dec. 28
Texas A&M vs. Kansas State (n/a)

TAMU is decidedly mediocre, but they have the same record as KSU against a tougher schedule.

My pick: TAMU
Confidence ranking: 20

Birmingham Bowl
Birmingham, Ala., Dec. 29
USF (-10.5) vs. South Carolina

South Florida is good enough they hired their coach away, so, good on them. I like the Charlie Strong hire. South Carolina is trash.

My pick: WE GOT IT ALL ON USF
Confidence ranking: 33

Belk Bowl
Charlotte, NC, Dec. 29
Arkansas vs. Virginia Tech (-7)

You can throw out the records when these former band mates get together. When are people going to figure out the Bert Believer isn't a very good coach? I'll tell you when: never, because life isn't fair.

My pick: VA TECH
Confidence ranking: 26

Alamo Bowl
San Antonio, Dec. 29
Oklahoma State vs. Colorado (-3)

Remember the Alamo? You said you'd never forget! The reason I like Colorado in this game: This is kind of a dream season for them, compared to a good but not outstanding year for Oklahoma State. Please, I root for Ralphie (Ralphy? not looking it up) to go insane and gore someone every time.

My pick: BUFFS
Confidence ranking: 19

Liberty Bowl
Memphis, TN, Dec. 30
Georgia (-1) vs. TCU

Georgia sucks and I hate them.

My pick: TCU
Confidence ranking: 23

Sun Bowl
El Paso, Texas, Dec. 30
Stanford (-3.5) vs. North Carolina

Might as well be bowling on the sun! I think bowl games don't favor speedy teams. Plus, I like to write it "Samford" when I pick. I still don't know which team is in which ACC division, and at this point I am proud not to know.

My pick: SAMFORD
Confidence ranking: 15

Music City Bowl
Nashville, Tenn., Dec. 30
Nebraska vs. Tennessee (-3)

This game will be "music" to your ears if you like trash teams playing bad football.

My pick: NEWBRASKA
Confidence ranking: 5

Arizona Bowl
Tucson, Ariz., Dec. 30
South Alabama vs. Air Force (-13.5)

This is another game where the line looks too big, but the favorite should still win.

My pick: AIR THE FORCE BE WITH YOU
Confidence ranking: 31

Orange Bowl
Miami Gardens, Fla., Dec. 30
Michigan (-7) vs. Florida State

Absolutely not.

My pick: MICHIGAN
Confidence ranking: 30

Citrus Bowl
Orlando, Dec. 31
LSU vs. Louisville (n/a)

Da Coach O is already tiring. That said! Louisville has less talent overall, and I think they're a team on the decline.  LSU will play for their new coach. They play this game in Camping World Stadium.

My pick: LSU
Confidence ranking: 7

TaxSlayer Bowl
Jacksonville, Fla., Dec. 31
Georgia Tech (-3.5) vs. Kentucky

pretty quotidian matchup imo

My pick: GA TECH
Confidence ranking: 6

Peach Bowl
Atlanta, Dec. 31
Washington vs. Alabama (-17)

Never in doubt, my friends.

My pick: ALABAMA
Confidence ranking: 40

Fiesta Bowl
Glendale, Ariz., Dec. 31
Ohio State (-3) vs. Clemson

Ohio State, I guess? I do not feel confident about this game. Ohio State has played a much tougher schedule, but they haven't looked that great doing it. I don't know. I dislike both of these teams, I hate this.

My pick: OHIO STATE
Confidence ranking: 9

Outback Bowl
Tampa, Fla., Jan. 2
Florida (-2.5) vs. Iowa

This pick is solely based on the idea that Florida will be healthy-ish.

My pick: FLORIDA
Confidence ranking: 8

Cotton Bowl
Arlington, Texas, Jan. 2
Western Michigan vs. Wisconsin (-7.5)

Nonsense. Western Michigan having that dream season and everything, but who is the best team they beat? Northwestern?

My pick: WISKY RIVER
Confidence ranking: 29

Rose Bowl Game
Pasadena, Calif., Jan. 2
USC (-7) vs. Penn State

The only thing that makes me questionable about this pick is that Joe Paterno did not take action to stop repeated incidents of child molestation.

My pick: USC
Confidence ranking: 18

Allstate Sugar Bowl
New Orleans, Jan. 2
Auburn vs. Oklahoma (-4)

Auburn will definitely not win this game.

My pick: AUBURN
Confidence ranking: 10

Op under Fjeldet toner en Lur

Up in the Hills a Clarion Call rings out

 the time to pick is nigh

Bowl schedule

Bowl Pick Them 2016 Rules: picking bowls, sucka

This is from pressboxonline.com

Gildan New Mexico Bowl (Albuquerque, N.M., Dec. 17): New Mexico (-7) vs. UTSA

Las Vegas Bowl (Las Vegas, Dec. 17): Houston (-3) vs. San Diego State

Raycom Media Camellia Bowl (Montgomery, Ala., Dec. 17): Appalachian State vs. Toledo (-1)

AutoNation Cure Bowl (Orlando, Dec. 17): UCF (-6) vs. Arkansas State

R+L Carriers New Orleans Bowl (New Orleans, Dec. 17): Southern Mississippi (-3.5) vs. UL Lafayette

Miami Beach Bowl (Miami, Dec. 19): Central Michigan vs. Tulsa (-11.5)

Boca Raton Bowl (Boca Raton, Fla., Dec. 20): Memphis vs. Western Kentucky (-5)

San Diego County CU Poinsettia Bowl (San Diego, Dec. 21): BYU (-8.5) vs. Wyoming

Famous Idaho Potato Bowl (Boise, Idaho, Dec. 22): Idaho vs. Colorado State (-13.5)

Popeyes Bahamas Bowl (Nassau, Bahamas, Dec. 23): Eastern Michigan vs. Old Dominion (-3.5)

Lockheed Martin Armed Forces Bowl (Fort Worth, Texas, Dec. 23): Louisiana Tech vs. Navy (n/a)

Dollar General Bowl (Mobile, Ala., Dec. 23): Ohio vs. Troy (-4)

Hawai'i Bowl (Honolulu, Dec. 24): Hawaii vs. Middle Tennessee (n/a)

St. Petersburg Bowl (St. Petersburg, Fla., Dec. 26): Miami (Ohio) vs. Mississippi State (-13)

Quick Lane Bowl (Detroit, Dec. 26): Maryland (-1.5) vs. Boston College

Camping World Independence Bowl (Shreveport, La., Dec. 26): NC State (-4) vs. Vanderbilt

Zaxby's Heart of Dallas Bowl (Dallas, Dec. 27): Army vs. North Texas (n/a)

Military Bowl (Annapolis, Md., Dec. 27): Temple (-13) vs. Wake Forest

National Funding Holiday Bowl (San Diego, Dec. 27): Minnesota vs. Washington State (-7)

Motel 6 Cactus Bowl (Phoenix, Dec. 27): Boise State (-7.5) vs. Baylor

New Era Pinstripe Bowl (Bronx, N.Y., Dec. 28): Pittsburgh (-5.5) vs. Northwestern

Russell Athletic Bowl (Orlando, Dec. 28): West Virginia vs. Miami (Florida) (-3)

Foster Farms Bowl (Santa Clara, Calif., Dec. 28): Indiana vs. Utah (-8)

AdvoCare V100 Texas Bowl (Houston, Dec. 28): Texas A&M vs. Kansas State (n/a)

Birmingham Bowl (Birmingham, Ala., Dec. 29): USF (-10.5) vs. South Carolina

Belk Bowl (Charlotte, NC, Dec. 29): Arkansas vs. Virginia Tech (-7)

Valero Alamo Bowl (San Antonio, Dec. 29): Oklahoma State vs. Colorado (-3)

AutoZone Liberty Bowl (Memphis, TN, Dec. 30): Georgia (-1) vs. TCU

Hyundai Sun Bowl (El Paso, Texas, Dec. 30): Stanford (-3.5) vs. North Carolina

Franklin Amer. Mort. Music City Bowl (Nashville, Tenn., Dec. 30): Nebraska vs. Tennessee (-3)

NOVA Home Loans Arizona Bowl (Tucson, Ariz., Dec. 30): South Alabama vs. Air Force (-13.5)

Capital One Orange Bowl (Miami Gardens, Fla., Dec. 30): Michigan (-7) vs. Florida State

Buffalo Wild Wings Citrus Bowl (Orlando, Dec. 31): LSU vs. Louisville (n/a)

TaxSlayer Bowl (Jacksonville, Fla., Dec. 31): Georgia Tech (-3.5) vs. Kentucky

Chick-fil-A Peach Bowl (Atlanta, Dec. 31): Washington vs. Alabama (-17)

PlayStation Fiesta Bowl (Glendale, Ariz., Dec. 31): Ohio State (-3) vs. Clemson

Outback Bowl (Tampa, Fla., Jan. 2): Florida (-2.5) vs. Iowa

Goodyear Cotton Bowl (Arlington, Texas, Jan. 2): Western Michigan vs. Wisconsin (-7.5)

Rose Bowl Game (Pasadena, Calif., Jan. 2): USC (-7) vs. Penn State

Allstate Sugar Bowl (New Orleans, Jan. 2): Auburn vs. Oklahoma (-4)

CFP National Championship (Tampa, Fla., Jan. 9): Peach Bowl winner vs. Fiesta Bowl winner

BOWL PICK THEM SCORE BOARDS: A WALK DOWN MEMORY "LAME"



 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

3E BOWL PICK THEM: A HISTORY LESSON

2005 - 2007
Doesn't matter, never happened.

2008
C: 22-12 (9-6)
W: 19-15 (6-9) *editor's note: 69 lol

2009
C: 18-16 (3-2)
W: 17-17 (2-3)
Worst ever winning performance. I picked all favorites, which would win most years but backfired spectacularly this time.

2010
C: 21-14 (8-4)
W: 17-18 (4-8)
what a moron

2011
C: 22-13 (8-5)
W: 19-16 (5-8)

2012
C: 26-9 (12-5)
W: 19-16 (5-12)
The gold standard of pick them performances. 9 percentage points higher than the next best showing.

2013
C: 18-17 (4-8)
W: 22-13 (8-4)
In your face! The perfect storm. My best all time showing and your worst. Booyah grandma! I attribute this to me being aimlessly unemployed.

2014
C: 23-15 (11-8)
W: 20-18 (8-11)
Order has been restored. Most ever CRISIS games.

2015
C: 26-14 (9-3)
W: 20-20 (3-9)
Highest win pct in CRISIS games.

2008 - 2015:
C: 176-110 (64-41)
W: 153-133 (41-64)

2016
How large will your victory be this time? Only time will tell! To the future... and beyond!