Tuesday chart-o-graphs

1. Ancestry

2. Wrestlers

3. Stool

carry on my wayward skank

Cooking with Norm

No one else in the world says segment an orange.

"Räumen."

"Steuerung klar?"
"Ist klar."
"Treibwerk klar?"
"Ist klar."
"Luftlage klar."
"Schlüssel auf SCHIESSEN."
"Schlüssel steht auf SCHIESSEN."
"Durchschalten."
"Luftlage klar."
"1st durchgeschaltet."
"Beluftung klar."
"Zundung klar."
"Vorstufe klar."

...

"Haupstufe."
"Haupstufe ist gegeben."

...

"Stecker 1 und 2 gefallen."

...

The Stotz plugs lie blasted on the ground, tossing in a splash of flame. On gravity feed, the flame is bright yellow. Then the turbine begins to roar. The flame suddenly turns blue. The sound of it grows to full cry.

The Rocket stays a moment longer on the steel table, then slowly, trembling, furiously muscular, it begins to rise.

You Can't Spell EPIC FAIL without EPL: This is what will happen!

Srsly, write this in your journals. This is what the table will look like come mid-may. Now that all the transfer deadline day craziness is over, I've been able to settle down and, in a fury of knowledge, crap out this almost completely shot-in-the-dark prediction. After the top six... it's as clusterfucky as clusterfucks get.

1. Manchester United
2. Manchester City
3. Chelsea
4. Liverpool
5. Arsenal
6. Tottenham Hotspur
7. Stoke City
8. Newcastle United
9. Sunderland
10. Aston Villa
11. Bolton Wanderers
12. Everton
13. Fulham
14. Queens Park Rangers
15. Wolverhampton Wanderers
16. Wigan Athletic
17. West Bromwich Albion
18. Blackburn Rovers
19. Norwich City
20. Swansea City

Tha Captain will be working tirelessly this weekend with comments about all of the teams. I mean, what else will I be doing during an off-weekend for the premier league?

HINT: I WILL BE WATCHING FOOTBALL HOLY GOD WELCOME BACK FOOTBALL

ok real pix

Miss. St. (-30) at Memphis
Kent State (+38) at ALABAMA
Missouri State (+42) at Arkansas
Utah State (+21) at AUBURN
Florida Atlantic (+35) at Florida
Boise St. (-3) vs. Georgia
Oregon (-3) vs. LSU
Brigham Young (-3) at Ole Miss
East Carolina (+20.5) vs. South Carolina
Montana (+28) at Tennessee
Elon (+12.5) at VANDERBILT
KENTUCKY (-18) vs. Western Kentucky

Home underdogs ALWAYS cover. WKU doesn't count because the game is in Nashville or something.

ThaCaptainzPix: Just something to hold you over until Ted's picks.

Following the pattern, bold's a winnah, cap's a coverah!

Miss. St. (-30) at Memphis
Kent State (+38) at Alabama
Missouri State (+42) at Arkansas
Utah State (+21) at Auburn
Florida Atlantic (+35) at Florida
Boise St. (-3) vs. Georgia
Oregon (-3) vs. Louisiana St.
Brigham Young (-3) at Ole Miss
East Carolina (+20.5) vs. South Carolina
Montana (+28) at Tennessee
Elon (+12.5) at Vanderbilt

Dogs be barkin. Got a good feeling about it.

3E Introduces the 2011 3E SEC Pick-Off: Charlie's picks

So this is a thing. I am doing it like this: bold to win, caps to cover the line.

MISSISSIPPI STATE (-30) at Memphis
Kent State (+38) at Alabama
Missouri State (+42) at ARKANSAS
Utah State (+21) at AUBURN
Florida Atlantic (+35) at Florida
BOISE STATE (-3) vs. Georgia
Oregon (-3) vs. LSU
BYU (-3) at Ole Miss
East Carolina (+20.5) vs. SOUTH CAROLINA
Montana (+28) at TENNESSEE
Elon (+12.5) at VANDY

UPDATE!: Forgot KENTUCKY (-18) vs. Western Kentucky

Disney was hardcore

they let little kids watch this?

in response to a comment tha captain made earlier

I thought this was your ringtone

It's a good life

Aunt Amy was out on the front porch, rocking back and forth in the highbacked chair and fanning herself, when Bill Soames rode his bicycle up the road and stopped in front of the house.

Perspiring under the afternoon "sun," Bill lifted the box of groceries out of the big basket over the front wheel of the bike, and came up the front walk.

Little Anthony was sitting on the lawn, playing with a rat. He had caught the rat down in the basement--he had made it think that it smelled cheese, the most rich-smelling and crumbly-delicious cheese a rat had ever thought it smelled, and it had come out of its hole, and now Anthony had hold of it with his mind and was making it do tricks.

When the rat saw Bill Soames coming, it tried to run, but Anthony thought at it, and it turned a flip-flop on the grass, and lay trembling, its eyes gleaming in small black terror.

Bill Soames hurried past Anthony and reached the front steps, mumbling. He always mumbled when he came to the Fremont house, or passed by it, or even thought of it. Everybody did. They thought about silly things, things that didn't mean very much, like two-and-two-is-four-and-twice-is-eight and so on; they tried to jumble up their thoughts to keep them skipping back and forth, so Anthony couldn't read their minds. The mumbling helped. Because if Anthony got anything strong out of your thoughts, he might take a notion to do something about it--like curing your wife's sick headaches or your kid's mumps, or getting your old milk cow back on schedule, or fixing the privy. And while Anthony mightn't actually mean any harm, he couldn't be expected to have much notion of what was the right thing to do in such cases.

That was if he liked you. He might try to help you, in his way. And that could be pretty horrible.

If he didn't like you ... well, that could be worse.

It's a Good Life

Metal Monday Means More Mastadon

I just really wish I hadn't watched this.

UPDATE: that screencap is so great, don't ruin it by watching.

I haven't watched this and I'm probably not going to.

glad it's out there, though.




also this:

..

3E approves

Vodka

Unemployment once again has crept past 9 percent. GDP growth fell below 2 percent this last quarter. Inflation is up. Home values are down. There’s talk of a double-dip recession. According to one market analyst, “We’re on the verge of a great, great depression.” But through it all, there is one constant, a commodity that has not only survived during these harsh economic times, but even thrived.

Vodka.

The next time you visit a bar, see if you can count on one hand the number of vodkas on the shelf. Chances are you’ll need both hands, and possibly feet. The bar at the original Pizzeria Uno in downtown Chicago contains 13 different vodkas: one bottle of Skyy, one bottle of Smirnoff, four flavors of Stolichnaya, five flavors of Absolut, one Ketel One, and one Grey Goose. At the T.G.I. Friday’s in Reagan National Airport outside Washington, two shelves are devoted to 14 varieties of vodka. Meanwhile, Boston’s übertrendy 28 Degrees restaurant boasts an astounding 22 bottles (13 brands, 15 flavors).

According to the Distilled Spirits Council of the United States, there are currently about a thousand different brands of vodka in existence. Keep in mind that the Alcohol and Tobacco Tax and Trade Bureau defines vodka as “neutral spirits [alcohol produced from any material at or above 190 degrees proof] so distilled, or so treated after distillation with charcoal or other materials, as to be without distinctive character, aroma, taste, or color.” Which means that a brand must often go to absurd lengths to distinguish itself from the rest of the pack. Consider Crystal Head Vodka, co-created by actor Dan Aykroyd, dispensed from a crystal skull and based on a mystical legend. Nostalgic for the Roaring Twenties? Pour yourself a glass of Tommy Guns Vodka, straight out of a bottle in the shape of a Thompson submachine gun. (Just ignore the fact that few Americans actually drank vodka in the 1920s.) Devotion Vodka contains a protein called casein, which contributes to a better “mouthfeel.” More important, it’s received the endorsement of Jersey Shore’s Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino. And of course, there’s the quintuple-distilled Trump Vodka: As its website proclaims, “Finally, a vodka worthy of the Trump name.”

Vodka Nation

Metal Monday

Thursday games

1. Kingdom Rush

2. Torus (a round Tetris it is awesome)

Miami football scandal

Oh man, if you haven't been following this Miami football thing, you should. It is vast and fascinating. It is bigger than all the allegations and proven violations by USC, Ohio State, UConn, Tennessee, Auburn, etc, put together. By one count:

• 66 current and former Miami football players.

• 25 former NFL draft picks, including 13 first-rounders. Among the most high-profile names: Devin Hester, Vince Wilfork, D.J. Williams, Jonathan Vilma, Willis McGahee, Andre Johnson, Frank Gore, Kellen Winslow Jr. and the late Sean Taylor.

• 16 players listed on the current Miami roster, including starting quarterback Jacory Harris and All-ACC linebacker Sean Spence.

• 7 players who now play for other schools, including Florida wide receiver Andre Debose and Kansas State running back Bryce Brown, a one-time Miami commit who was ranked as the No. 1 incoming prospect in the country in 2009.

• 7 former assistant coaches with alleged "knowledge or direct participation" in violating NCAA rules.

• 2 first-round picks, Jon Beason and Vince Wilfork, who signed to an agency Shapiro allegedly co-owned, Axcess Sports & Entertainment.

Players got paid bonuses for getting celebration penalties and hurting opposing players. Kellen Winslow crashed a boat into another boat, and it was paid for. A booster bought the suit Willis McGahee wore to the Heisman ceremony. One player knocked up a stripper, who got an abortion without his knowledge. Also, it was a Ponzi-scheming convicted felon behind it. I don't see how this doesn't get the death penalty, or something identical in all but name, for both the football and basketball teams.