*Weird gargling noises*

 

We Did It

We did.

1st Place: 8-2 (71-42)

2nd Place: 6-4 (59-54)

*to the tune of van halen's runnin' with the devil* goin' through the motions

Just kidding, I'm putting all of my focus on this!

Mississippi St. +7.5  Weird stuff happens in the Egg Bowl! Also, when Old Mist and Mississippi St. play football.

Georgia Tech +13.5  "Clean, Old-Fashioned Hate" or whatever it is never sat right with me. I think it should be called "The Eternal Battle for Ol' Man McGillicutty's Wretched Soul."

Texas +2.5  Still not convinced Tammy is good.

Clemson +2.5  Clem must be very proud of his legions of large sons.

Louisville -3.5  Different story if this were at Kroger Field.

Oklahoma -10  LSU is cooked (and slathered in that delicious cajun cream sauce from Frenchie's).

Vanderbilt +2.5  I believe (that this will be televised).

Mizzou -2.5  If any team could play a game that ended up with a half-point margin it would be Arkansas.

Florida  This is a rivalry that should have a better name than whatever it has. 

Alabama -5.5  It's cruel that we have to wait until the last game to get this over with. It's also cruel that it's being played at all.

I'm thankful these awful people are leaving Auburn

Old Mist -7.5 @ Mississippi St.: weird line

Georgia @ Georgia Tech +13.5: hoping!!

TAMMY -2.5 @ Texas: tammy. Go back to the SWC you freaks

Clemson @ South Carolina -2.5: lol

Kentucky @ Louisville -3.5: Stoops got something for em? No!

LSU +10 @ Oklahoma: no idea. Oklahoma plays an ugly game, that's my logic. 

Vanderbilt @ Tennessee -2.5: I'm getting tired of Vanderbilt.

Mizzou -2.5 @ Arkansas: Hey get this out of my conference 

Florida St. @ Florida: lol

Alabama -5.5 @ Auburn: nope

Real Good Effort All Around

Really good. Thank you for a wonderful visit.

Always forgetting to put the records in here: 5-2 (63-40)

Never forgets anything: 4-3 (53-50)

--------------------------------------------------------------------

Old Mist -7.5 @ Mississippi St.

Georgia -13.5 @ Georgia Tech

TAMMY -2.5 @ Texas

Clemson @ South Carolina -2.5

Kentucky @ Louisville -3.5

LSU @ Oklahoma -10

Vanderbilt @ Tennessee -2.5

Mizzou -2.5 @ Arkansas

Florida St. @ Florida PICK EM (I saw Florida -1.5 on one app and FSU -1.5 on another app so I'm doing this.)

Alabama -5.5 @ Auburn

Week 13 equals We're Still in the Spooky Season

Simply delightful. 

Missouri +7.5 at Oklahoma: Got "13-16" written all over it.

Charlotte +44.5 at Georgia: who cares. hate this. 

Arkansas at Texas -9.5: sure???

Kentucky +9.5 at Vanderbilt: I thought Kentucky was going to be "fired at midseason" bad, but Stoops has, like the Counting Crows, been hanging around. 

Coastal Carolina +23.5 at South Carolina: Trap game?

Tennessee -4.5 at Florida: I don't think they will, but Tennessee losing to Florida again would be pretty funny.

Western Kentucky +23.5 at LSU: Gap trame?

week 13. truly, the season has flown by. they always do.

As my grandpappy always used to say: "You are going to screw this up."

Oklahoma -7.5

UNC-Charlotte +44.5

Texas -9.5

Vanderbilt -9.5

South Carolina -23.5

Florida +4.5

LSU -23.5

SoCon Saturday isn't quite what it used to be, but we've still got some stinkers

Your eventual winner: 5-2 (58-38)

Your certain loser: 4-3 (49-47)

Folks, Tha Captain is on a run the likes of which we may never see again.

=======================

Missouri at Oklahoma -7.5

Charlotte at Georgia -44.5

Arkansas at Texas -9.5

Kentucky at Vanderbilt -9.5

Coastal Carolina at South Carolina -23.5

Tennessee -4.5 at Florida

Western Kentucky at LSU -23.5

*Noticeably Agitated* Picks

South Carolina +19.5

Arkansas +5.5

Alabama -6

NMSU +39.5

Old Mist -14.5

Georgia -6

Mizzou -7

Thursday the Thirteenth: Still Spooky Season

South Carolina @ TAMMY -19.5: tammy

Arkansas +5.5 @ LSU: lol

Oklahoma +6 @ Alabama: This is the only game involving a "real" SEC team and one of the new additions that seems natural to me

New Mexico st +39.5 @ Tennessee: The proverbial whole lotta points 

Florida @ old mist -14.5: pine box

Texas +6 @ Georgia: Arch Time

Miss of sippy state @ mizzou -7: Committed to being disappointed by Missouri, because Missouri loves company. 

From my phone. No.

Now with 100% more RECORDS

SNAP Benefits: 3-2 (45-44)

CRAP Benefits: 2-3 (53-36)

--------------------------------------------

South Carolina @ TAMMY -19.5

Arkansas @ LSU -5.5

Oklahoma @ Alabama -6

New Mexico st @ Tennessee -39.5

Florida @ old mist -14.5

Texas @ Georgia -6

Miss of sippy state @ mizzou -7

Optimistic and Excited for the Rest of this Season!!

Oh ok.

Georgia -8.5

Mizzou +6.5

Auburn +6.5 Haha

Florida -3.5

Alabama -9.5

Already sending my regrets to this season

We are approaching not enough games for my comeback. 

Georgia -8.5 at Mississippi St.: No thanks

TAMU @ Missoura +6.5: Not interested

Auburn at Vanderbilt -6.5: Declined with appreciation

Florida -3.5 at Kentucky: I'd rather not

LSU at Alabama -9.5: Maybe another time

People are calling it the greatest week in football history

Silly for Dilly: 4-2 (51-33)

Twerkin' for Durkin: 3-3 (42-42)

:)    :)    :)    :)    :)    :)    :)    :)    :)    :)    :)    :)

Georgia -8.5 at Mississippi St.

TAMU -6.5 @ Missoura

Auburn at Vanderbilt -6.5

Florida -3.5 at Kentucky

LSU at Alabama -9.5

Normal Picks. Quotidian? I might go that far.

Screaming this at my computer. 

Texas -1.5

Florida +7.5

Arkansas -4.5

Old Mist -12.5

Auburn -10.5

Oklahoma +3.5

THE SCARIEST OF PICKS

Vanderbilt at Texas (-1.5): the death or serious illness of a loved one

Georgia (-7.5) vs. Florida: public speaking

Mississippi State (+4.5) at Arkansas: nuclear or biological warfare

South Carolina (+12.5) at Old Mist: rejection by someone important to you

Kentucky (+10.5) at Auburn: ghouls and goblins

Oklahoma at Tennessee (-3.5): heights

Week Ten Presented by the Spooky Season

Trick or treating with the kids: 5-2 (47-31)

Thinks he's seeing some cryptids: 4-3 (39-39)

____________________________

Vanderbilt at Texas (-1.5)

Georgia (-7.5) vs. Florida

Mississippi State at Arkansas (-4.5)

South Carolina at Old Mist (-12.5)

Kentucky at Auburn (-10.5)

Oklahoma at Tennessee (-3.5)

GET THEE TO A (week) NINERY

I was going to do these as Shakespeare plays, but after thinking about it for three seconds, no I'm not going to do that.

Old Mist +4.5 @ Oklahoma 

Auburn +1.5 @ Arkansas  haha could have been Hamlet (because of former Auburn quarterback Barrett Trotter (word for pig feet)).

Alabama -12.5 @ South Carolina

Mizzou @ Vanderbilt -2.5

Texas -6.5 @ Mississippi St.

TAMU @ LSU +2.5

Tennessee -9.5 @ Kentucky

I will not live in a pod. I will not eat the bugs. I will not miss the picks.

Old Mist +4.5 @ Oklahoma: Sooners are naturally Freemen on the Land

Auburn @ Arkansas -1.5: Auburn will lose this game.

Alabama -12.5 @ South Carolina: The red uniforms signify the red ink by which we renounce the bond that the United States Corporation has made through our birth certificates

Mizzou @ Vanderbilt -2.5: the gold fringe on the uniforms is because Admiralty Law is in effect

Texas @ Mississippi St. +6.5: if you sign your fishing license, you've signed over your rights

TAMU -2.5 @ LSU: my Moorish Nobility license plate is en route

Tennessee -9.5 @ Kentucky: the United States Postal Service is the real government

Week Nine, Feelin' Fine!

Pizza Man: 3-5 (35-36)

Sopping Wet Toilet Sandwich Boy: 4-4 (42-29)

_______________________________________________________________

Old Mist @ Oklahoma -4.5

Auburn @ Arkansas -1.5

Alabama -12.5 @ South Carolina

Mizzou @ Vanderbilt -2.5

Texas -6.5 @ Mississippi St.

TAMU -2.5 @ LSU

Tennessee -9.5 @ Kentucky

They Shut Down the Government so the Boys on Capitol Hill Could Watch Some SEC Football

Give the boys what they want!

LSU +2.5  

Oklahoma -5.5

Old Mist +7.5  

Arkansas +7.5

Florida -8.5

Texas -12.5

Alabama -9.5

Mizzou -1.5

SEC Picks as Cormac McCarthy novels

LSU (+2.5) at Vanderbilt: The Orchard Keeper - the first one, I probably won't remember what happened; it's not always clear why people did what they did; this one might be mostly about mental illness; set in Tennessee

Oklahoma (-5.5) at South Carolina: No Country for Old Men - a haunted man dreams of his father's generation, while terrible things happen around him

Old Mist (+7.5) at Georgia: Blood Meridian - includes the doings of an unspeakably evil character

TAMU (-7.5) at Arkansas: All the Pretty Horses - a beautiful and tragic story set in the Southwest; might just be the best one

Missississississippi State (+8.5) at Florida: Cities of the Plain - the depressing but inevitable conclusion of the story of characters we know

Texas (-12.5) at Kentucky: Child of God - too awful for me to watch

Tennessee (+9.5) at Alabama: The Road - somebody from Tennessee will die; the world might be ending

Missouri (-1.5) at Auburn: The Crossing - somehow the saddest; ends with people crying; despite the more grounded, human-scale nature of the misery, that very smallness--a lack of an overwhelming bleakness or extraordinary foe--makes it a worse thing to live through

3E Wishes Charlie Kirk A Happy Birthday

Admittedly I haven't really kept up with what he's been up to in the last few months, but I hope he's enjoying this exciting slate of football action. I know he is a big football fan. 

:o :o :o :o :o :o :o :o :o :o :o :o

Elevating the discourse: 3-4 (38-25)

Of course he takes the elevator: 4-3 (32-31)

:o :o :o :o :o :o :o :o :o :o :o :o

LSU at Vanderbilt (-2.5)

Oklahoma (-5.5) at South Carolina

Old Mist at Georgia (-7.5)

TAMU (-7.5) at Arkansas

Missississississippi State at Florida (-8.5)

Texas (-12.5) at Kentucky

Tennessee at Alabama (-9.5)

Missouri (-1.5) at Auburn

Seven Weeks... Seven Games... Seven Sins!

A thing I think about occasionally: The show Seventh Heaven featured a family (the Camdens) consisting of seven members (parents and five kids). Eventually, they decided to expand the family. To maintain the synergy (seven-gy), they had twins so it was seven kids. It's good to have an order to things.

I was going to thematically assign one sin to each game, but instead I'm just assigning every sin to Hugh Freeze.

_____________________________________________________________________

Alabama -2.5  A good sin to put here would have been Lust. Because of sex.

Old Mist -32.5  Well this could have been Lust too.

Texas -2.5  Gluttony because of the State Fair where they fry everything. Also Lust. But that doesn't matter because Hugh Freeze got all seven.

Tennessee -12.5  Maybe Arkansas will do a UCLA type thing but on the other hand, no they're not going to do that. Not sure what the sin would have been here. Maybe Lust.

Florida +7.5   Lust!

Georgia -3.5   You guessed it. Lust.

South Carolina +8.5   LSU doesn't seem that good? They can't score, beating Clemson in week 1 doesn't seem that impressive because Clemson needed to play UNC to figure out how to score points, and LSU needed Florida to throw an interception on every drive. Also, "You can't spell Lust without LSU!" Also also, "You can't spell South Carolina without Lust!" This game is hooorney.

[to the tune of Glenn Frey's "The Heat Is On"] It's Spooky Time

Alabama -2.5 @ Mizzou: This is an odd line, to me, an idiot. Is Missouri really good? 

Wazzou @ Old Mist -32.5: I mean sure

Oklahoma +2.5 @ Texas: seems possible

Arkansas @ Tennessee -12.5: It will be extremely funny if Arkansas comes out and scores like 45 points. Bobby Petrino had a great gameplan that he kept hidden, waiting for this moment! The reality I think is that Petrino is past his best-by date. 

Florida @ TAMU -7.5: I think "Texas has some problems" makes more sense than "Florida has turned it around" but am prepared to be wrong.

Georgia -3.5 @ Auburn: This is the last game for Freeze, in a vibes sense. Either he has still got something and, knowing that he may be playing for his job, can put a game plan with some tricks and schemes together and win this, or he's washed. 

South Carolina @ LSU -8.5: South Carolina turned out to be way worse than I thought.  

Week Seven: Spookey!

Ghouls, goblins, etc.: 3-2 (28-28)

Normal stuff. Not spookey.: 4-1 (35-21)

______________________________________________________________

Alabama -2.5 @ Mizzou

Wazzou @ Old Mist -32.5

Oklahoma @ Texas -2.5

Arkansas @ Tennessee -12.5

Florida @ TAMU -7.5

Georgia -3.5 @ Auburn

South Carolina @ LSU -8.5

Week Six Flying By The Season Is (Yoda)

*Yoda doing a Jar Jar Binks impersonation* Makah some picks meesah will

Georgia -20.5  They're mad! grr.

Alabama -10.5   They're happy! grr.

Florida +6.5  I saw some longhorns yesterday. Big ol boys. That is unrelated to my pick as I am aware that the game will be played by football players and not cows.

Kent St. +45.5   Oklahoma almost lost to Auburn.

Mississippi St. +14.5  TAMU almost lost to Auburn.

flying week really wow season's six by

Kentucky at Georgia -20.5: Georgia needs to look good after their loss. Kentucky is bad. 

Vanderbilt at Alabama -10.5: Revenge tour 

Texas -6.5 at Florida: This doesn't feel normal, these teams playing, and I don't like it. 

Kent State +45.5 at Oklahoma: yuck

Mississippi State +14.5 at TAMU: This is where I would cut all my The Nice Bookie covidbux. Mississippi State might straight up beat TAMU, which barely beat an Auburn team with practically negative offensive yards. 

Do you think we will make friendship bracelets in The Camps

Auburn head basketball coach Bruce Pearl: 4-4 (31-20)

Alabama Senator Bruce Pearl: 3-5 (25-26)

:o  :o  :o  :o  :o  :o  :o  :o  :o  :o  :o  :o  

Looks like it's off week for many of us. 

Kentucky at Georgia -20.5

Vanderbilt at Alabama -10.5

Texas -6.5 at Florida

Kent State at Oklahoma -45.5

Mississippi state at TAMU -14.5

remember when Mike Gundy wore an OAN shirt to go fishing

Notre Dame -4.5 @ Arkansas: This is apparently a trendy upset pick, and a lot of the computers like Arkansas, and I just don't see it. 

Utah St. @ Vanderbilt -22.5: obviously I'm invested in a game involving one of Auburn's three biggest rivals

LSU @ Old Mist -1.5: feels like this is wrong

Auburn +6.5 @ TAMU: Auburn will definitely lose, but they'll lose closer than 6.5 points.

Tennessee -7.5 @ Mississippi St.: seems low, even in notoriously hostile Starkville, MS

Alabama @ Georgia -2.5: Alabama State and Georgia State should also be playing today

UMass @ Mizzou -43.5: why not

Kentucky +6.5 @ South Carolina: Vanderbilt being an above-average quality team is really throwing off my already-shaky grasp of which former SEC East teams have already played

Thatsa Lotta Points? Yous-ah Need-ah Think-ah Twice-ah!

Got curious!

Favorites by 40 or more points ATS:

2016: 1-1

2017: 0-1

2018: 0-3

2019: 0-2

2020: n/a

2021: 2-0

2022: 4-1

2023: 1-1-1

2024: 5-1

2025: 1-2

All-Time: 14-12-1

    Pre-Covid: 1-7

    Post-Covid:  13-5-1

Alabama: 7-3 

UGA: 0-4-1 

Texas: 2-1

Tennessee: 3-0

LSU: 0-2

Auburn: 0-1

TAMU: 0-1

Oklahoma: 1-0

Old Mist: 1-0

Georgia's record fits with my conjecture that 95% of their games their games are:

    a) blowing the doors off a good team

    b) farting around and beating a bad team by two touchdowns

    c) losing to Alabama

Kent St. (1-2) and New Mexico St. (2-1) have both been one of the 40+ point underdogs three times. UMass (2-0) is making its third such appearance this week! Time to ignore all of this and make some picks!

__________________________________________________________________

Notre Dame -4.5

Vanderbilt -22.5

LSU +1.5

TAMU -6.5

Tennessee -7.5

Alabama +2.5

Umass +43.5 Thatsa Lotta Points! 

South Carolina -6.5

Week Five wow season's continuing to fly by huh

The Tylenol Bandit: 6-3 (22-21)

Captain Autism: 4-5 (27-16)

_____________________________________________________

Notre Dame -4.5 @ Arkansas

Utah St. @ Vanderbilt -22.5

LSU @ Old Mist -1.5

Auburn @ TAMU -6.5

Tennessee -7.5 @ Mississippi St.

Alabama @ Georgia -2.5

UMass @ Mizzou -43.5

Kentucky @ South Carolina -6.5

The season really is flying by, you're right. Auburn will be losing the Iron Bowl before we know it.

Picks lookin like a damn seafood buffet: whole lotta favorites, baby.

Arkansas -6.5   Shrimp, baby.

Tennessee -39.5   Oysters, sis.

Oklahoma -6.5   Scallops, chief.

Tulane +12.5   Olives. Who put olives on the damn seafood buffet. 

Mississippi St. -21.5   Salmon, kimosabe.

Mizzou -13.5   Crab claws, homie.

Miami (FL) -7.5   Calamari, big guy.

Vanderbilt -26.5   Crawfish, captain.

Sam Houston +41.5   Carrot salad. Seriously, who is responsible for this.

In honor of Star Trek, I now will be seven of nine

Arkansas at Memphis +6.5: I still don't believe in Arkansas. As a concept, I mean. 

UAB at Tennessee -39.5: that's a lotta points, but UAB is bad

Auburn at Oklahoma -6.5: never

Tulane at Old Mist -12.5: This should be a conference game. Also, I guess I'm committed to Old Mist letting me down. 

Northern Illinois +21.5 at Mississippi State: Turner the Burner baby

South Carolina + 13.5 at Missouri: looks like Sellers will play

Flo Rida at Miami -7.5: I'm not doing the thing about lines looking wrong because I've been so stupid so far, but this line looks very low. 

Georgia State at Vanderbilt -26.5: [railroad union organizer getting roughed up by the Pinkertons voice] Fine, fine, I think Vanderbilt is good.

Sam Houston +41.5 at Texas: the beauty of sport

week four wow the season's really flying by huh

A pretty good record back when they played 11 games: 8-3 (23-11)

A bad record back when they played 11 games: 5-6 (16-18)

Not going well for some of us, but for others, things are going ... rather well. 

$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$

Arkansas -6.5 at Memphis

UAB at Tennessee -39.5

Auburn at Oklahoma -6.5

Tulane at Old Mist -12.5

Northern Illinois at Mississippi State -21.5

South Carolina at Missouri -13.5

Flo Rida at Miami -7.5

Georgia State at Vanderbilt -26.5

Sam Houston at Texas -41.5

For commemoration reasons, I intend to get nine out of these eleven picks correct

Changing my Halo handle to "1Shot2DaNeck"

Oklahoma -24.5 @ Temple: weird

Wisconsin +20.5 @ Alabama: I may be drinking too deeply of the bottle labeled Hope

South Alabama +24.5 @ Auburn: Unpatriotic to beat a team called USA

Georgia @ Tennessee +3.5: [steely resolve melting]: oh what the heck, maybe things will get better instead of steady decline into violence and disorder

UL Lafayette +27.7 @ Mizzou: This is definitely a game I was already aware was happening.

UTEP +41.5 @ Texas: That's a lot of points, even against UTEP 

Arkansas @ Old Mist -9.5: The Pitt Man Cometh 

Florida +9.5 @ LSU: Florida turning around and beating LSU would be a hoot

TAMU @ Notre Dame -6.5: SEC expansion has really gone too far

EMU @ Kentucky -24.5: I'd love to be the kind of rich pervert who could throw $10,000 down on this game and not even care 

Vanderbilt @ South Carolina -5.5: let's settle down on the Vanderbilt stuff 

Never Three-get

Norm MacDonald voice: 9/11

So, I first drafted this on Tuesday. Reasonably, my expectation was that no internet-famous bigots were going to get shot in the neck before it posted on 9/11. In that spirit, here are some other things that are going to be wrong!

Temple +24.5   The opposite of a quotidian matchup, imo.

Alabama -20.5   *Simpsons theme song voice* Ty Siiimpsooon

South Alabama +24.5   Can't think of anything.

Georgia +3.5   Moving along.

Mizzou -27.5   That guy was an amputee. Wild.

UTEP +41.5   *Primus voice* too many po-eeeeeeents

Arkansas +9.5    Arkansas can only get 7.5 points now. I never say no to a bargain.

LSU -9.5   Florida can only get 7.5 points now. I hate bargains!

Notre Dame -6.5   1991 Cotton Bowl ass matchup. (Looked this up now. TAMU and ND played in the Cotton Bowl after the 1987, 1992, and 1993 seasons.)

Kentucky -24.5   Krogerfield (like Cloverfield). Someone should do a photoshop of that. 

Vanderbilt +5.5   Spurrier won 11 games 3 straight years in 2011-13 without going to the SEC championship game. That's wild.

Week 3(E)

America's Sweetheart: 6-6 (11-12)

America's Sweetheart (anti-vax): 9-3 (15-8)

--------------------------------------------

You know what to do next (flip a coin is what I do).

Oklahoma -24.5 @ Temple

Wisconsin @ Alabama -20.5

South Alabama @ Auburn -24.5

Georgia -3.5 @ Tennessee

UL Lafayette @ Mizzou -27.5

UTEP @ Texas -41.5

Arkansas @ Old Mist -9.5

Florida @ LSU -9.5

TAMU @ Notre Dame -6.5

EMU @ Kentucky -24.5

Vanderbilt @ South Carolina -5.5