Sweet Chin Music, and I won't pass the aux

For all the tostitos

Tha Capn: Buckeyes -8.5

Charlie: Notre Dame +8.5

Worth however many points it takes to Decide a Winner. 

Ceci n'est pas some picks

Penn St. +2  My hard-hitting analysis is that I read on the internet that Notre Dame doesn't quite have the depth of the other semifinalists. On a short turnaround, that could matter? Also, I'm somehow rooting for them so I think they'll lose.

Ohio St. -6  They seem good now.

I don't like that this is about the best realistic semifinal

Nortre Dame -2 v Penn St.: nortre

Ohio St. -6 v Texas: Ohio State is good

Colorful

For some reason I'm on the left, you're on the right. Green means win, maroon means loss. Way to nail those single digits, sis.

That Thing Got a Semi?

Worth 3 points!

Nortre Dame -2 v Penn St.

Ohio St. -6 v Texas

All Over But the Shouting (playoffs)

Once again, conclusive proof that we are the two smartest people in the world. You had the worst confidence point performance of all time. Great.

It's green this time

ADMIRAL ACKBAR VOICE ITS A SPLIT

 

Good Riddance to Bad Rubbish (the year 2024)

Pick Them Classic (Games) will be decided today. If any of the following teams win over the next few days, I will win New Pick Them (Confidence).

Washington (+1)

Illinois (+9)

Baylor (-3.5)

Old Mist (-17)

Minnesota (-7.5)

Buffalo (-2.5)

They're going to write "Up 228-64 And Lost" on my tombstone.

NOW IN CALM, SOOTHING BLUE

 

Everyone Loves The Playoffs

Penn St. v Boise St. +11: wishful thinking

Texas -13.5 v Arizona St.: Future Conference Mates Collide

Ohio St. -2.5 v Oregon: It's hard to win a rematch. Also it's idiotic that this is a rematch of a conference game. 

Notre Dame v Georgia -2: I'm getting a sinking feeling about the future propaganda value of Georgia winning a national title in the first college football playoff with a backup quarterback. 

"In 2024 there will be a 12 team playoff. Boise St. & Arizona St. will be in the field."

More Surprising Probably:

1869 - ~2005: Boise St.

~2006 - Present: Arizona St.

------------------------------------------------

Penn St. -11

Arizona St. +13.5

Ohio St. -2.5

Notre Dame +2

NOW FEATURING MY DESKTOP BACKGROUND

 

quart of final playoff lines

Just submit whenever.

Penn St. -11 v Boise St.

Texas -13.5 v Arizona St.

Ohio St. -2.5 v Oregon

Notre Dame v Georgia -2

oh yeah, there are sticky notes on the computer too

 

HOPEFULLY THIS MAKES SENSE

 

why not

CRISIS GAMES:

date name: you v me

12/24 Hawaii: USF v SJSU

12/27 Holiday: Washington St. v Syracuse

12/28 Pinstripe: Nebraska v Boston College

12/28 Pop-Tarts: Miami (FL) v Iowa St.

12/28 Alamo: Colorado v BYU

12/30 Music City: Mizzou v Iowa

12/31 Sun: Louisville v Washington

12/31 Citrus: South Carolina v Illinois

12/31 Texas: LSU v Baylor

First Rounders

Indiana +7 v Notre Dame: You know how he laughs at the beginning of the music video version of "Clint Eastwood" by Gorillaz? That is how I will laugh if Indiana wins this game.

SMU +8.5 v Penn State: The 1982 Bowl

Clemson v Texas -11.5: man I'm glad there's a playoff, couldn't wait to watch Clemson and Texas play some more

Tennessee v An Ohio State University -7: Obviously Ohio State isn't my preference to win the playoffs, but it would be pretty funny about Ryan Day if they did. 

Could the first on-campus playoff game have been anywhere other than South Bend?

Yes! It could have been a lot of places.

Indiana +7

SMU +8.5

Clemson +11.5

Ohio St. -7

OK let's try this again

Ok, playoff 1st round picks against the spread. Please submit Thursday at 5 pm. go get em, tiger.

Indiana v Notre Dame -7

SMU v Penn State -8.5

Clemson v Texas -11.5

Tennessee v Ohio State -7

Three pick them games is another example of Bidenflation

Bowl picks? In THIS economy?

IS4S Salute to Veterans Bowl: (34) South Alabama vs. Western Michigan: Jaguars baby! Remember when they scored 87 points? Also, why did they name a bowl after a noted terrorist group?

Scooter’s Coffee Frisco Bowl: Memphis vs. (8) West Virginia: two disappointed teams

Boca Raton Bowl: Western Kentucky vs. (29) James Madison: James Madison's reputation as president is, I think, highly inflated due to his (deservedly) well-regarded career prior to the presidency. Poorly handling a war that the USA didn't need to be in, appointing generally incompetent cabinet officials (try to name the most effective--you can't!), and ideological inconsistency in office are all reflections of the fact that he was simply not executive material. Imagine if Great Britain had decided to take the War of 1812 more seriously, or even if Napoleon had waited a year to try to retake power, and we're writing this Bowl Pick Them of Cricket or something. 

Art of Sport LA Bowl Hosted By Gronk: California vs. (3) UNLV: You think I can take Cal football seriously? You can take that slop to the trough. Also: not even the dumbest bowl name. 

R+L Carriers New Orleans Bowl: (18) Georgia Southern vs. Sam Houston: R+L stands for Ralph and Lauren, since they like to wear Ralph Lauren in New Orleans, the ones with the giant horse logo or the Polo Bear in a trench coat.

StaffDNA Cure Bowl: Ohio vs. (11) Jacksonville State: pretty quotidian matchup imo. "DNA staff" is my nickname for Tha Captain's penis, as in, "Hey buddy, let me see that DNA staff."

Union Home Mortgage Gasparilla Bowl: Tulane vs. (16) Florida: About to have a streak of "huh, so that's where that ended up in my confidence rankings" picks. 

Myrtle Beach Bowl: Coastal Carolina vs. (4) UTSA: Oh, to be in Conway, South Carolina, in late December. 

Famous Idaho Potato Bowl: (2) Northern Illinois vs. Fresno State: Turner "The Burner," remember him. Anyway, this classic contest is "all about the tater".

Hawai’i Bowl: (6) South Florida vs. San Jose State: Wasn't South Florida supposed to be good this year? If my life depended on naming a majority of conference tie-ins for bowl games this year, I would be a dead man. 

GameAbove Sports Bowl: (31) Pittsburgh vs. Toledo: When I see "GameAbove" my brain does the prayer hands emoji. 

Rate Bowl: Rutgers vs. (24) Kansas State: It's not the weirdest thing about the conference anymore, but it's weird that Rutgers is in the Big 10. There was only like a five-year period when that could have realistically happened, and it did, and we're stuck with it. Anyway: Rate Bowl? Is that the whole name? 

68 Ventures Bowl: Arkansas State vs. (17) Bowling Green: One fewer than the venture we're all thinking of. [The humor is getting very blue in this Pick Them, not appropriate].

Lockheed Martin Armed Forces Bowl: (22) Oklahoma vs. Navy: Navy is not a good football team??? This should be higher, confidence-wise.

Birmingham Bowl: Georgia Tech vs. (10) Vanderbilt: Fitting that Birmingham, the Athens of America, should host what has to be the highest average USN&WR academic ranking of any bowl this season.

AutoZone Liberty Bowl: Texas Tech vs. (14) Arkansas: Former Conference Mates Collide 

DIRECTV Holiday Bowl: Syracuse vs. (13) Washington State: Wasn't there a moment when we all thought Washington State was good? I have not updated my priors about this season (or anything else in college football since 2006). 

SRS Distribution Las Vegas Bowl: (21) Texas A&M vs. USC: All I am using as evidence for this pick is that Lincoln Riley had to tell the media that he was not a candidate for the Central Florida job.

Wasabi Fenway Bowl: (26) North Carolina vs. UConn: The fellas are going to send Mack out with a win. You could probably convince me this was a conference game.

Bad Boy Mowers Pinstripe Bowl: Boston College vs. (5) Nebraska: bad boy mowers pinstripe bowl. Bad Boy Mowers Pinstripe Bowl. BAD BOY MOWERS PINSTRIPE BOWL BAD BOY MOWERS PINSTRIPE BOWL BAD BOY MOWERS PINSTRIPE BOWL

Isleta New Mexico Bowl: (12) TCU vs. Louisiana: ULL is better than people think, is that right? The line looks wrong on this one, but not wrong enough to actually pick Louisiana's finest institution of higher learning.

Pop-Tarts Bowl: Iowa State vs. (32) Miami: I hope they do exactly the same stuff that they did for last year's let's watch the pop-tarts bowl, and act like it's the first time--eating pieces of the mascot, going into the toaster with the dreams sign, the whole bit. Act like it's the first time it happened, and ignore the existence of last year's bowl game. 

Snoop Dogg Arizona Bowl presented by Gin & Juice by Dre and Snoop: Miami (OH) vs. (1) Colorado State: what in tarnation

Go Bowling Military Bowl: East Carolina vs. (19) NC State: This is the Scary Movie version of the Indiana-Notre Dame game. Remember when the dumbest bowl names were things like Meineke Car Care? 

Valero Alamo Bowl: BYU vs. (15) Colorado: BYU is pretty good, but Deion loves to be on TV and will get going for a bowl game. He has done way better at Colorado so far than I expected, although a spectacular flameout still seems plausible. 

Radiance Technologies Independence Bowl: Marshall vs. (28) Army: "Army is good" is what I originally wrote, but I worry that reads like I had a stroke or am a disabled child playing with toys.

Transperfect Music City Bowl: Iowa vs. (9) Missouri: Trans Prefect is one of the reasons that idiots think the Western Roman Empire fell. Say "Music City is Iowa Mizzou" in a Fatboy Slim voice--you'll be glad you did. 

Reliaquest Bowl: (35) Alabama vs. Michigan: lol, lmao

Tony the Tiger Sun Bowl: (23) Louisville vs. Washington: I guess this ended up here because Louisville mostly only lost to really good teams. Going back and doing the forensics on my confidence rankings/picks has been fun. 

Cheez-It Citrus Bowl: (33) South Carolina vs. Illinois: Do they make Citrus Cheez-Its? They should. 

Kinder’s Texas Bowl: Baylor vs. (20) LSU: Nothing could be Kinder's than to question people's genders in the Booooowwwwlll Game.

Taxpayer Gator Bowl: Duke vs. (30) Old Mist: "Gator," "Old Mist," and "Duke" are the three price points of whiskey that I drink. Filled with regret for this choice, as it seems like the kind of game that Lane might totally check out of, but it's too complicated to change my confidence rankings.

Servpro First Responder Bowl: North Texas vs. (27) Texas State: Definitely feels like a conference game. North Texas is playing Texas State in Dallas. 

Duke’s Mayo Bowl: (7) Minnesota vs. Virginia Tech: A bit of the shine is off PJ, but he's still a good coach.

Bahamas Bowl: Buffalo vs. (25) Liberty: the libs are at it again 

 

oh crap

Oh crap!

25 USA (patriotism!)

2 WVU (rich rod!)

23 JMU (a president i think!)

7 UNLV (the hangover happened here and that was a movie I watched. not really sure about any of this.)

16 Georgia Southern (WALT)

8 Jax St. (rich rod!)

31 Florida (chomp)

15 UTSA (no, no, oh this doesn't make sense.)

6 NIU (at this point i'm just choosing acronyms.)

5 SJSU (this is sparta! (movie reference))

33 Pitt (they just called this the sports bowl, they did that.)

24 Kansas St. (Bill Snyder is alive!)

14 BGSU (big sue!, we all love big sue don't we)

29 Oklahoma (i watched two oklahoma games this year. they were both great!)

19 Vanderbilt (mess with the bull (diego pavia) and you get the horns (somehow losing after the bull (diego pavia) throws 3 interceptions))

3 Arkansas (Li-bearty)

21 Syracuse

11 TAMU

13 UNC

4 BC

30 TCU

20 Iowa St.

10 Colorado St.

12 NC St.

18 BYU

32 Army

28 Iowa

35 Alabama

9 Washington

17 Illinois

1 Baylor

34 Old Moist

26 Texas St.

27 Minnesota

22 Li-bearty

Thundering of hooves in the distance; a bowl pick them nears

For some reason, we're making this even more involved. There are three ongoing contests of wit and strength:

-Straight up homie Bowl Pick Them

-Confidence Rankings, with a higher number indicating more confidence

-Straight up homie Playoff Pick Them

Picks for the Bowl Pick Them/Confidence Ranking and the first round of the Playoff Pick Them are due by Friday, December 13, at 5:00 pm.

****

IS4S Salute to Veterans Bowl: South Alabama vs. Western Michigan

Scooter’s Coffee Frisco Bowl: Memphis vs. West Virginia

Boca Raton Bowl: Western Kentucky vs. James Madison

Art of Sport LA Bowl Hosted By Gronk: California vs. UNLV

R+L Carriers New Orleans Bowl: Georgia Southern vs. Sam Houston

StaffDNA Cure Bowl: Ohio vs. Jacksonville State

Union Home Mortgage Gasparilla Bowl: Tulane vs. Florida

Myrtle Beach Bowl: Coastal Carolina vs. UTSA

Famous Idaho Potato Bowl: Northern Illinois vs. Fresno State

Hawai’i Bowl: South Florida vs. San Jose State

GameAbove Sports Bowl: Pittsburgh vs. Toledo

Rate Bowl: Rutgers vs. Kansas State

68 Ventures Bowl: Arkansas State vs. Bowling Green

Lockheed Martin Armed Forces Bowl: Oklahoma vs. Navy

Birmingham Bowl: Georgia Tech vs. Vanderbilt

AutoZone Liberty Bowl: Texas Tech vs. Arkansas

DIRECTV Holiday Bowl: Syracuse vs. Washington State

SRS Distribution Las Vegas Bowl: Texas A&M vs. USC

Wasabi Fenway Bowl: North Carolina vs. UConn

Bad Boy Mowers Pinstripe Bowl: Boston College vs. Nebraska

Isleta New Mexico Bowl: TCU vs. Louisiana

Pop-Tarts Bowl: Iowa State vs. Miami

Snoop Dogg Arizona Bowl presented by Gin & Juice by Dre and Snoop: Miami (OH) vs. Colorado State

Go Bowling Military Bowl: East Carolina vs. NC State

Valero Alamo Bowl: BYU vs. Colorado

Radiance Technologies Independence Bowl: Marshall vs. Army

Transperfect Music City Bowl: Iowa vs. Missouri

Reliaquest Bowl: Alabama vs. Michigan

Tony the Tiger Sun Bowl: Louisville vs. Washington

Cheez-It Citrus Bowl: South Carolina vs. Illinois

Kinder’s Texas Bowl: Baylor vs. LSU

Taxpayer Gator Bowl: Duke vs. Ole Miss

Servpro First Responder Bowl: North Texas vs. Texas State

Duke’s Mayo Bowl: Minnesota vs. Virginia Tech

Bahamas Bowl: Buffalo vs. Liberty

****

Playoff Round One

#10 Indiana @ #7 Notre Dame

#11 SMU @ #6 Penn State

#12 Clemson @ #5 Texas

#9 Tennessee @ #8 Ohio State

woof

Santa Claus: 7-3 (61-52)

A Elf: 3-7 (48-65)

woof

I'm thankful the season is over

Mississippi St. @ Old Mist -26: more like Lame Kiffin

Georgia Tech +19.5 @ Georgia: If we were doing the Nice Bookie this season, I'd bet on this, foolishly. 

Tennessee -10.5 @ Vanderbilt: Is Tennessee any good?

South Carolina +2.5 @ Clemson: cocks baby

Louisville @ Kentucky +4: okay

Auburn @ Alabama -11.5: no

Arkansas @ Mizzou -3: Pittman quietly doing one of the better coaching job of the season

Florida -14.5 @ Florida St.: The SEC-ACC match up with marginal playoff implications is not this one. 

Oklahoma @ LSU -6: Classic SEC Rivalry

Texas @ TAMU +5: This is the funniest outcome, although Texas winning by 35 would also be funny.

Going to "Pull a Kamala" and lose horribly

Mississippi St. +26

Georgia Tech +19.5

Vanderbilt +10.5

Clemson -2.5

Louisville -4

Auburn +11.5

Arkansas +3

Florida St. +14.5

Oklahoma +6

TAMU +5

This Goose Is Cooked

Stick a fork in the pick off.

Thanksgiving: 3-6 (54-49)

The Day Before Thanksgiving (Have to Work): 2-7 (45-58)

------------------------------------------------------------------------

Mississippi St. @ Old Mist -26

Georgia Tech @ Georgia -19.5

Tennessee -10.5 @ Vanderbilt

South Carolina @ Clemson -2.5

Louisville -4 @ Kentucky

Auburn @ Alabama -11.5

Arkansas @ Mizzou -3

Florida -14.5 @ Florida St.

Oklahoma @ LSU -6

Texas -5 @ TAMU

Here ya go!

Looking back at this now, several hours after originally writing it down, I'm filled with dread and disgust. 

Old Mist -10.5  Can't remember who they play and don't care.

Georgia -42  Points, huh.

Tennessee -42  Huh... Points.

Texas -20.5  It would be funny if Arch Manning had a quarter-zip jersey. On account of his tv uncles.

Arkansas -23  MAD Magazine: Louisiana Blech!

Mizzou -8   Wrong!

TAMU -2.5   Right!

Alabama -14   Super Right!

LSU -8  We all know how hard it is to play in Death Valley at night.

these picks are more like Dudpool and Loserine

Old Mist -10.5 @ Florida: Florida winning this would be pretty funny in a number of ways.

UMass @ Georgia -42: genuinely upsetting

UTEP +42 @ Tennessee: It's easy to complain about conference expansion, but it means more of the big-time helmet games like UT-El Paso at UT-Knoxville. 

Kentucky @ Texas -20.5: Classic SEC matchup 

La Tech +23 @ Arkansas: There are too many 1A schools in Louisiana. 

Mizzou -8 @ Mississippi St.: About eight times doing these picks, I've looked at the Mississippi State line and wondered what it will be for Auburn, then I remember how stupid everything is. 

TAMU -2.5 @ Auburn: there's a reason they call this Rivalry Week (tm)

Alabama -14 @ Oklahoma: Been a bit of a turnaround in Oklahoma's whole deal recently.

Vanderbilt +8 @ LSU: Is it too late in the season for LSU to have a fall-apart? Seems possible.

I watched Deadpool & Wolverine

It was good.

Deadpool & Wolverine: 1-5 (51-43)

I don't know, Madame Web? That was bad, right? 4-2 (43-51)

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Old Mist -10.5 @ Florida

UMass @ Georgia -42

UTEP @ Tennessee -42

Kentucky @ Texas -20.5

La Tech @ Arkansas -23

Mizzou -8 @ Mississippi St.

TAMU -2.5 @ Auburn

Alabama -14 @ Oklahoma

Vanderbilt @ LSU -8

oh no, picks

Arkansas + 13.5

ULM +24

LSU -4

Mizzou +13.5

Georgia -10

NMSU +39

at least things will be funny

 Texas -13.5 at Arkansas: I guess Texas is good again. Probably overreacting.

LAMO +24 at Auburn: 50-50 game at best.

LSU -4 at Florida: Florida is getting better but is still not good.

Missouri +13.5 at South Carolina: The Cocks got this one, but that's too many points.

Tennessee +10 at Georgia: no

New Mexico State at Texas A&M +39: GAME OF THE WEEK BABY, LET'S GO BIG POINTS BIG MONEY

feeling extremely optimistic about the future

Florida +21.5 @ Texas: that's a lot of points

Georgia -2.5 @ Old Mist: This feels like a classic "Kiffin offense gets shuts down and loses by 24" game.

South Carolina -3.5 @ Vanderbilt: This is maybe the game I care the most about this week. 

Mississippi St. +24 @ Tennessee: that's a lot of points

Alabama -3 @ LSU: I probably won't watch this game, going to an event, and I'm glad.

Oklahoma @ Mizzou +2.5: another historic SEC match up

screaming hard and making a difference!

you morons. you absolute fools.

Florida +21.5

Georiga - 2.5

Vanderbilt +3.5

Mississippi St. +24

Alabama - 3

Mizzou +2.5

don't vote, it's fine. honestly what can we even do

charlie trump: 3-3 (46-36)

captain harris: 2-4 (36-46)

--------------------------------------------------------------------

Florida @ Texas -21.5

Georgia -2.5 @ Old Mist

South Carolina -3.5 @ Vanderbilt

Mississippi St. @ Tennessee - 24

Alabama -3 @ LSU

Oklahoma -2.5 @ Mizzou

SO SPOOKY

Cold Mist -7 @ Arkauldron

Vampirebilt @ Auboorn -6

Horrorida +17 vs Gored-ya 

UMask @ Grislyssippi St. -18.5

VOODU -2.5 @ Scary Crowalina

Corpsetucky @ Terrorssee -16.5

spooky update: wearing a pinky ring!

SPOOKY

Arkansas +7  They're playing pigs, but Old Mist is looking for a 'goat... a scapegoat for why they have lost two games. Maybe they will "Blame" Kiffin.

Vanderbilt +6  Easy pick.

Georgia -17  Probably wrong. But possibly right. We'll know this time next week!

Mississippi St. -18.5  Now that they've been effectively eliminated from playoff contention, the pressure is off and the 'dogs can just cook.

TAMU -2.5  Texas A&M is good now. 

Tennessee -16.5  Kentucky lost to Auburn for Pete's sake.

somebody wake up the guy from green day, it's week ten

Green Day: 3-3 (43-34)

Third Day: 3-3 (34-43)

------------------------------------------------------------------

Old Mist -7 @ Arkansas

Vanderbilt @ Auburn -6

Florida vs Georgia -17

UMass @ Mississippi St. -18.5

TAMU -2.5 @ South Carolina

Kentucky @ Tennessee -16.5

Iron Maiden voice: Six ... six picks ... the number of the beast

Oklahoma +20.5 @ Old Mist: a human number

Arkansas -7 @ Mississippi St.: Torches blazed and sacred chants were praised

Mizzou +13.5 @ Alabama: I feel drawn towards the chanting hordes 

Texas -18.5 @ Vanderbilt: Can I believe? That what I saw that night was real and not just fantasy?

LSU @ TAMU -2.5: Sacrifice is going on tonight

Auburn @ Kentucky -2.5: The evil face that twists my mind and brings me to despair

Welcome to Jurassic Picks

dinosaurs

Oklahoma +20.5

Mississippi St. +7

Alabama -13.5

Vanderbilt +18.5

LSU +2.5

Kentucky -2.5

No Idea What Week It Is! Ack!

30 Rock: 2-6 (40-30)

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt: 4-4 (31-49)

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Oklahoma @ Old Mist -20.5

Arkansas -7 @ Mississippi St.

Mizzou @ Alabama -13.5

Texas -18.5 @ Vanderbilt

LSU @ TAMU -2.5

Auburn @ Kentucky -2.5