Thursday, October 19, 2017

ittsa meee tha capptaaain

This week's theme: its pasta baby

Missouri -14.5   spaghetti's long and thin

Tennessee +35.5 angel hair's long and thinner

Kentucky +11.5   if pasta's in your kitchen

Old Mist  +6.5  then cook some up for dinner

Arkansas +15.5  thank you

This is definitely the weekend this thing gets sat upon its head.


According to most, basketball players invented the high five. That's fitting, because these five games are high on my list of things to watch this weekend.

Idaho (+14.5) I don't know a lot about Idaho.

Alabama (-35.5) Ah, ah, duh!

Mississippi State (-11.5) This is a really tough pick. I don't think Kentucky is as good as their record. Predicting a 13 point win.

LSU (-6.5) LSU is a team on the rise, Ole Miss is a team on the decline.

Auburn (-15.5) So, Malzahn's thing is that he can smash less talented teams, but he can't beat teams of roughly equal talent, right?

Wednesday, October 18, 2017

Week Ate


The proud American West: 4-3 (26-26-2)
The fickle unpatriot CharleSSR: 4-3 (23-29-2)

Like a third of the conference is off this week.

Idaho at Missouri (-14.5)

Tennessee at Alabama (-35.5)

Kentuckums at Mississippi State (-11.5)

LSU (-6.5) at Old Mist

Auburn (-15.5) at Arkansas

Awfully off: Florida, Georgia, South Carolina, TAMU, Vanderbilt

Wednesday, October 11, 2017

the seven weeks -- week urchin, weak anemone, week bass, and so on

Doing these in a hurry without much thought, so this will almost certainly be my best week.

Mississippi State (-23.5) BYU is bad

Tennessee (-3) two bad teams


Old Mist (-3.5) Khaki bowl

TAMU (+3) curious line to my eye; what has Florida done to be a favorite? Texas A&M looked a lot better so far, to me. I thought the most about this so it will be wrong.

Alabama (-28) wooo pig sooey

Georgia (-30) whatever

*In a monotone speaking voice, devoid of any inflection or nuance* These are my picks for week seven.

This week's theme is the 7 Wonders of the Ancient World.

Mississippi State -23.5   Great Pyramid of Giza: used to store grain.

Tennessee -3   The Hanging Gardens of Babylon:  probably not even real. lame.

 LSU +7   Temple of Artemis at Ephesus:  nobody cares about this. not there anymore.

Vanderbilt +3.5   Statue of Zeus at Olympia: congratulations on building a statue, idiots.

Florida -3   Mausoleum at Halicarnassus:  see Temple of Artemis

Alabama -28   Colossus of Rhodes: I heard it wasn't that big.

Missouri +30   Lighthouse of Alexandria:  holy shit a lighthouse! truly wondrous. NOT.

Lucky Seven

First and foremost, something i would never forget to do:
Last Week (oeuverawl)
Weasley: 3-2-1 (22-23-2)
Cheesley: 3-2-1 (19-26-2)

It's cool that these are all either very close or very not close.

BYU @ Mississippi State (-23.5)

South Carolina @ Tennessee (-3)

Auburn (-7) @ LSU

Vanderbilt @ Old Mist (-3.5)

TAMU @ Florida (-3)

Arkansas @ Alabama (-28)

Missouri @ Georgia (-30)

Elsewhere doing more important things like catching up on studies, starting a new hobby, and diligently self-caring: The University of Kentucky Wildcats

Thursday, October 05, 2017

[musically] week six/ I'm not good at picks

Auburn (-21) I'm ready to get on the hype train

Georgia (-17.5) Georgia isn't as good as Alabama, but they're a lot better than Waaanderbilt, right?

Florida (-3) This game will be stupid to watch until the last five minutes. I think LSU loses the game more than Florida wins it. Also Florida winning the East and then losing to Alabama by six touchdowns is now the plan.

Arkansas (-1.5) I don't think either one of these teams is especially good.

TAMU (+26) (to the tune of "Won't Get Fooled Again") I'll be wrong again

Missouri (+10) Missouri is bad, but Kentucky is not exactly the 1985 Bears.

*to the tune of Dead and Bloated by Stone Temple Pilots* These ARRRREEE Wes's Week Six Pix That Somebody Told Me Will Be Wrong and Stuuupiiid

do do do do *snap* *snap*

Old Mist +21  Gomez Addams was the father. Rich for some reason. Hispanic. Horny. Swordsman.

Georgia -17.5   Morticia Addams was the mother. Tall. Pale. Largely unemotive. Spoke French in order to make Gomez even hornier than usual.

Florida -3  Wednesday Addams was the daughter. Pigtailed and murderous.

South Carolina +1.5  Pugsley Addams was the son. Generally happy-go-lucky. Not bright. Constantly being murdered by his sister.

TAMU +26  Uncle Fester was the uncle. Rotund. Very strong. Hairless. Good with the kids.

Kentucky -10  The rest. There was a grandmother type who had a cauldron, a severed yet sentient hand, squeaky hair-man, and a Frankenstein butler.

Tuesday, October 03, 2017

weak sex heh heh heh

We're ... we're not good, folks.

el dubs (oh aye):
everybody's friend wes: a muscular 3-5 (19-21-1)
everybody's foe charles: dee-litefully 2-6 (16-24-1)

Old Mist at Auburn (-21)

Georgia (-17.5) at Vanderbuiltfordtough

LSU at Florida (-3)

Arkansas (-1.5) at South Carolina

Alabama (-26) at TAMU

Missouri at Kentucky (-10)

Off apparently: Missississippi State, Tennessee (tennessee)

Thursday, September 28, 2017

It's been/ week five that I make my picks/ make em wrong so I say I'm sorry

Vanderbluth (+10) I see a low-scoring 13-10 kind of game here. I am warming to the idea of, say, a three-loss Florida team going to the SEC title game so they can get smothered to death by Alabama and lose the Citrus Bowl to Penn State. Couldn't be happier.

New Mexico State (+16.5) I like the Aggies to cover here. Arkansas is emotionally shattered.

Georgia (-7.5) I think Georgia will be clearly better, but I also think is primed to be also a low-scoring game.

Regular Kentucky (-14.5) More like Can-tucky (?)

Mississippi State (+9.5) To me, that's preposterous. Auburn covering, things of that nature.

Troy (State) (+19.5) This line looks high to me.

TAMU (-10) I've given up on them Cocks, and I think Christian Kirk is really good at football. Prove me wrong, Muschache.

Old Mist (+27.5) Cap, I want to ADDRESS this issue. You KNOW I am sensitive to the Tide covering. BUT!

a captain makes his picks

please respect them, they're very important to him

Vanderbilt +10   The score of this game will be 11 - 2

Arkansas -16.5   Already forgot who they're playing.

Georgia -7.5   Kirby Smart.

Kentucky -14.5   Good coffee! You'll learn the origin story of this cup of coffee later in the post.

Mississippi State +9.5   The G-Meister just referred to the Amazon Fire Stick as the "Hot Stick" and now that's all I can focus on. Hot Stick.

Troy +19.5   UPSET ALERT!

TAMU -10   Going to go get some coffee while I think of something to write here.

Old Mist +27.5   hahaha, Why did I pick old mist? The answer is that I believe in Coach Freeze and what he's building.

Wednesday, September 27, 2017

week faaaaahve

last week (overalls):
the important man charles: a sterling 4-4 (14-18-1)
the obsolete man west: a craven 4-4 (16-16-1)

commence to pickin'!

Vanderbutt @ Florida (-10)

New Mexico State @ Arkansas (-16.5)

Georgia (-7.5) @ Tennessee

Eastern Michigan @ Regular Kentucky (-14.5)

Mississippi State @ Auboooo-urns (-9.5)

Troy (State) @ LSU (-19.5)

South Carolina @ TAMU (-10)

Old Mist @ Alabama (-27.5)

Sir Not-Appearing-In-This-Film: Missouri, possibly the worst team on earth

Thursday, September 21, 2017

weak four traditionally features no old mist

excited to see some great blocks, tackles, throws, and catches in these games

Missouri +18   gross

UMass +28  poor, shitty, stupid tennessee

Arkansas +2.5   I would have picked them at -2.5, thanks sucker!! ha ha I'm so dumb.

South Carolina -8.5   sure

Alabama -18.5  nobody is convincing me that Vanderbilt is any good

Georgia -5.5   wrong

Syracuse +21.5    wrong

Florida -2   I actually think the score will be 2-0

pick some games before you go go

Missouri (+18) no way Auburn covers

UMass (+28) Of course, Tennessee will win, but I don't think they'll cover. 24 points would be a much tougher pick for me.

Texas A&M (-2.5) at Arkansas I do not now nor have I ever thought Bert Bulima is a particularly good coach. I think Sumlin in uneven but can be good. Plus my limited understanding is that Sumlin has the slighter hotter seat and thus more motivation to win.

South Carolina (-8.5) This is a weird game with a weird line. South Carolina having that best player get hurt challenges my conception of this game, which was limited to begin with, but I'm sticking with it.

Alabama (-18.5) it enrages me that this game exists.

Mississippi St (+5.5) I like the underdog straight up. Dan Mullen the best non-Saban coach in the conference? That's probably my pick. More like Kirby Dumb!

Syracuse (+21.5) [pushing up glasses] "Actually, Syracuse was the Orangemen until 2004, when" [gets hit by a bus]

Florida (-2) Impossible for me to muster any interest in this game.

Wednesday, September 20, 2017

better week four than never

The wonderful west: 3-4-1 (12-12-1 overall, sick symmetry)
The chunderful charles: 2-5-1 (10-14-1 overall, lol)

Auburn (-18) at Missouri

UMass at Tennessee (-28)

Texas A&M (-2.5) at Arkansas

La Tech at South Carolina (-8.5)

Alabama (-18.5) at Vanderbilt

Mississippi St at Georgia (-5.5)

Syracuse at LSU (-21.5)

Florida (-2) at Kentuckums

Thursday, September 14, 2017

it's my picks .... now or never .... I just want to pick forever

TAMU (-24) TAMU is going to be mad about being such stupid moron idiots. Or, they'll fall apart? But I think they'll be mad. Them Cajuns is not very Ragin'.

Tennessee (+4.5) I was kind of surprised that Florida was such a big favorite, given their general offensive incompetence. Plus, Florida has to be all kinds of discombobulated with the hurrrrrrrrricane.

Purdue (+7) To cover but lose or maybe even straight up. I am not sure why Missourah is this big a favorite. Purdah had a close game to Louisville, who is good, and Missourah has looked like trash so far.

Alabama (-28.5) I totally forgot Bobo was Colorado State's coach.

Mississississippi State (+7) I think they cover but lose. I am not very confident about this pick.

Kansas State (-4) Yeah Waaaandy has a good defense, but that's because they've played two bad teams. We thought Auburn would have a good offense after the GA Southern game, but that was stupid. I don't know very much about Kansas State this year.

South Carolina (-6.5) A touchdown sounds about right, a 24-17 kind of game.

Old Mist (-3.5) I am also not very confident about this pick, although I am excited about this game. It's really late for Ole Miss, and they're cross country etc, plus the whole going to get hammered by the NCAA. But they're also way more talented than Cal. I am guessing the Alt Might passing game is the difference. If we were doing bets on over/unders, I would take the over here.

here come tha captainz week three picks

they say confidence is everything.

TAMU -24  easy pick. extremely confident. no way this is wrong.

Tennessee +4.5  really buying in on tennessee. this is a lock.

Purdue +7   missouri is a must-sell. 100% certain.

Alabama -28.5   the tide is going to "roll." take this one to the bank, boys.

LSU -7   are you kidding me? like taking candy from a baby.

Vanderbilt +4  vanderbilt might win the big 12. would at least be in the championship game. no doubt in my mind here.

South Carolina -6.5  this is basic as hell. there is only one answer.

Cal +3.5  perhaps the surest possible thing. bet the house, wife, and kids.

Wednesday, September 13, 2017

Week Three: this is the weekend it starts to get really good. just kidding.

Last week (Overall):

The big boy charles: 2 - 4 (8 - 9)
The big boy west: 4 - 2 (9 - 8)

It's neck and neck. Is this the weekend one of us gets a big old goose egg? Also is it the weekend one of us picks zero games correctly? I don't know the answer to either question but the second one is probably "no, that's very unlikely" and the first one is probably "i think charles is going to be pleasantly surprised with his goose egg."

Louisiana-Lafayette @ TAMU (-24)

Tennessee @ Florida (-4.5)

Purdue @ Mizzouri (-7)

Colorado State @ Alabama (-28.5)

LSU (-7) @ Missississippi State

Kansas State (-4) @ Vanderbilt

Kentucky @ South Carolina (-6.5)

Old Mist (-3.5) @ Cal

Dead to us this week:
Auburn (Mercer), Georgia (Samford (the real one)), Arkansas (themselves at practice I guess)

Thursday, September 07, 2017

the captain week two picks

"I think your gonna like em"

Clemson -5 I forgot which of the white post-RG3 baylor quarterbacks jarrett stidham was. now i'm disappointed. not an overwhelming disappointment, i mean its something i'll work through but shit man. hurts right now.

Alabama -43.5 its fun and fashionable to throw around things like "thats a lotta points homer" and "nick saban doesn't obliterate lesser oponents, he slowly smothers them" *stephen a. smith voice* BUT! *end stephen a. smith voice i guess* last year alabama covered a 43.5 point line against kent state. *twist stephen a. smith voice* BUT!

TCU -3 if you like the gridiron, you'll love football.

South Carolina +2.5 i have already forgotten whether south carolina won last week. i remembered now.

La Tech +8 mississippi state plays a lot of weird away games. also, la tech is the feminine form, the mens teams should be le tech. i'm just kidding.

Georgia +4 "catholics vs convicts!" "hey... they're all convicts" *in a hushed, subversive tone with a cheshire grin creeping across my awful face* "they're all catholics..."

already out of clever titles

My picks

Auburn (+5) Check this out: Auburn will lose but cover.

Alabama (-43.5) I guess?

TCU (-3) at Arkansas So we basically don't know anything about these teams. I actually looked it up, and last year was that weird game where TCU outplayed Arkansas but still lost. So, I think that happens again, except TCU outplays Arkansas and wins.

Missouri (-2.5) I picked against the COCKS last week and was stupid. But, NC State probably should have won, so maybe I was smart but still just wrong. I feel like this will be relatively high scoring, which maybe favors Missouri? This would be my least-confident pick, probably.

Mississippi State (-8) Why is this game in Ruston Lerisianer?

Notre Dame (-4) Somebody said Fromm has moxie, and it's hard to pick against moxie. But I'm a big believer that Notre Dame is a lot better than they were last year. It looks like the line moved? I thought it opened higher than this. I am not confident about this pick, either. I guess my decision comes down to the fact that I don't much like Georgia.

Wednesday, September 06, 2017

Weak Two


Tha Handsome Captain: 5-6
Yer friend Charlie: 6-5

We are off to a staggering, earth-scorching start. Pix at six on Thursday. This is a fairly light lineup.

Auburn at Clemson (-5)

Fresno State at Alabama (-43.5)

TCU (-3) at Arkansas

South Carolina at Missouri (-2.5)

Mississippi State (-8) at La Tech

Georgia at Notre Dame (-4)


Not on the menu, boys:

Northern Colorado at Florida
Eastern Kentucky at Regular Kentucky
Tenn-Martin at Ole-Miss
Indiana State at Tennessee
Alabama A&M at Vanderbilt A&M
Nicholls A&M at Texas A&M
Chattanooga at LSooga

Thursday, August 31, 2017


My picks! genuinely excited, not confident.

NC State (-5) I guess

Michigan (-3.5) lol hardballs. FOR THE RECORD: I expect Michigan to win by exactly four points.

Kentuckums (-10)

Jeorgia (-14.5) this is the new way we spell it for UGA

Georgia Southern (+34.5) There's no way Auburn covers a five touchdown spread, right?

South Alabama (+24) without their escort services, Auld Must is powerless, like Samson without his hair.

Alabama (-7) villains. Easiest pick of the week.

Vanderbilt (-3) Why is this an away game for the Commies?

BYU (+16.5) The Big Easy™. I had lswho? to cover, but there's a storm comin'.

UCLA (-3.5) A tough pick.

Tennessee (-3) I guess. Another tough pick.

kenneth bone

I'm going to win this year. NOT.

NC State -5 people think nc state is going to be good maybe? did I make that up? who the hell am I to maybe disagree with them? I am not researching this at all.

Michigan -3.5 I guess

Southern Mist +10 call me old fashioned but I consider usm a mid-major powerhouse and also one of Alabama's principal rivals

Appalachian State +14.5 but Georgia wins in some stupid way

Georgia Southern +34.5 bart simpson voice: aye carumba! thatsa lotta points, homer

South Alabama +24 this is difficult. on the one hand I don't care and on the other hand it doesn't matter

Alabama -7 I bought a tv antenna so I can watch part of this game because I hate myself

Middle Tennessee State +3 exciting

BYU +16.5 bart simpson voice: homer, I'm concerned about how many points lsu is giving here

UCLA -3.5  tamu? ucla? what is this alphabet soup.

Tennessee -3 time to build up a head of hype before the Alabama game, tennessee

Wednesday, August 30, 2017

Remember how I won both parts of the bowl pick them?

Picks are ATS and due by Thursday at 6. Even though none of the applicable games are until Saturday unless they're not because of Harvey. And buddy... all bets are off.

NC State (-5) v South Carolina [@ Charlotte]

Michigan (-3.5) v Florida [@ Arlington, TX]

Kentuckee (-10) @ Southern Mist

Appalachian State @ Georgia (-14.5)

Georgia Southern @ Auburn (-34.5)

South Alabama @ Old Mist (-24)

Florida State v Alabama (-7) [@ Atlanta have you heard about this new stadium]

Vanderbilt (-3) @ Middle Tennessee State

BYU v LSU (-16.5) [@ New Orleans, I guess?]

TAMU @ UCLA (-3.5)

Tennessee (-3) v Georgia Tech [@ Atlanta I know ga tech is in Atlanta but this is at the new butthole shaped stadium]

Sittin' this one out: Arkansas (FAMU), Missouri (Missouri State), Mississippi State (Charleston Southern)

Instead of Birmingham southern, you should have gone to Charleston southern.

Sunday, June 04, 2017

small fish meet big pond: brighton, huddersfield

brighton & hove albion

huddersfield town (aka the terriers, adorable)

that's it i'm done

Tuesday, May 23, 2017

Small fish, meet big pond: Newcastle

New castle? Are they still building those??? I'm kidding.

Location: up north, a rarity these days

Nickname: the butt holes. I'm kidding.

Stately, Non-Commercial Stadium Name: Newcastle stadium. (kidding)

Crest: seahorses are a delicacy in Newcastle. im kidding

What they'll bring to the table (metaphorically!): I don't know

What they'll bring to the table (literally!): don't know

Thursday, January 05, 2017


Congrats to the noble captain, who deserved this.

Bowl scoreboard image ranking:

trumpet time
walking stick ridge
hay monster sunset
skull n bugs
water head
vest-wearing fella
forest lane

Sunday, January 01, 2017

special "almost there" edition

the largest margin by which i can win confidence is 86 points. the closest it can end up is a 12 point victory for me. the largest margin in a scenario where you win the remaining crises and we split is 27 points.