Tuesday, November 21, 2017

Its week 13 baby

Well, I gave myself a shot. Breathtaking. Awe inspiring. UConn women.

Charles: 4-3 (45-41-3)
Captain: 7-0 (42-44-3)

Now, get a loada these:

Old Mist @ Mississippi State (-16.5)

Missouri (-10.5) @ Arkansas

Georgia (-11) @ Georgia Tech

Florida State (-5.5) @ Florida

Louisville (-10) @ Kentucky

Alabama (-4.5) @ Auburn

Vanderbilt @ Tennessee (-1)

Clemson (-14) @ South Carolina

TAMU @ LSU (-10.5)

Thursday, November 16, 2017

my name is tha captain and i'm here to say: my week twelve picks are on display (below)

I've got a lot of ground to make up over the next two weeks. Luckily, I'm great at making things up.

Like for example I just imagined a guy saying "fork knife" instead of "fortnight." I made that up. Nobody has ever actually made that gaffe before.

UL-Monroe +37  Lotta points there.

Arkansas +11.5  I have never been wrong about Arkansas.

Georgia -21.5  Grrrrr! We're still angry about soldier boy!!

Florida -10.5   Or Florida will lose. I don't know.

Texas A&M +3   Texas A&M has a "12th man." Hard to argue with that, even on the road.

LSU -15.5  Seems like Tennessee will be a bunch of very sad boys.

Missouri -8.5  This was the most obvious pick to me. Therefore, Vando will win in a romp.

big c in the house, in the house tonight, gonna make these picks, gonna make em right

UL-Monroe (+37) Auburn is good, and Auburn is fine, but can't imagine that Auburn beats THIS line, This game won't matter and this line is a troll, cause Auburn rests some starters for the Iron Bowl

Mississississippi State (-11.5) This game is it--just what I feared, a game where the line looks really weird, I try not to be mean and don't say this to hurt, but you best pick against the Hogs 'til they fire Bert

Georgia (-21.5) These dogs irate, these dogs real mad, these dogs about to beat Kentucky real bad, And while looking forward is always swell, look back at last week and L O L

UAB (+10.5) Florida is hurting, they're looking for a spark, no way they get it against Big Bill Clark, Firing their coach did this team no favors, when they fail to cover against the mighty blazers

Old Mist (-3) If you spell it different, wes gets pissed, which I guess is cause enough for old mist

LSU (-15.5) If LSU wins out we could call it a hat trick, and did you know that Brady's middle name is Patrick? LSU is pretty good, and that's no joke, but I base this pick on my main man Hoke

Missouri (-8.5) Maybe I'm wrong but it seems to me that Vandy's not much better than Tennessee

Wednesday, November 15, 2017

Week 12

A Wes of a Thousand Colors: 3-5 (35-44-3)
The Fairly Drab C: 4-4 (41-38-3)

UL-Monroe at Auburn (-37)

Mississississippi State (-11.5) at Arkansas

Kuntecky at Georgia (-21.5)

UAB at Florida (-10.5)

Texas A&M at Old Mist (-3)

LSU (-15.5) at Tennessee

Missouri (-8.5) at Vanderbilt

The Lineless: Alabama, South Carolina

Thursday, November 09, 2017

Tha Captainz Week Eleven (or should I say week "jane" (stranger things ref (spoiler alert!))) Pix

I humbly submit these picks. Really just honored to be competing.

Arkansas +17.5  Man, I don't know I just think the hogs got something for em.

Old Mist -19.5  Crap, I don't know I just think the rebs got a little something for em.

South Carolina -7  Hell, I don't know I just have a feeling that the cocks gonna have a little something for em.

Georgia -2.5   Dang, I don't know I just know the dawgs are gonna have a little something for em.

Kentucky +3  I mean, I don't know I just think the cats are going to have a little something for em.

Alabama -14  Hey, I really don't know I just have that feeling like the tide's gonna have a little something for em.

New Mexico +19  Look, I'm not claiming to know, I just think that the 'bos are gonna have a little something for em.

Tennessee +10.5   Dude, I don't know it just seems like the vols have a little something for em.

(311 voice) it's week ellleeeevvvvveeeeeennnnnen

LSU (-17.5) Arkansas has a bad offensive line, and LSU has a very good offensive line.

Old Mist (-19.5) This was a hard pick.

South Carolina (-7) lol

Georgia (-2.5) I very much hope to be wrong

Kentucky (+3) I don't like the way Google does CFB schedule searches anymore. Kind of surprised at this line.

Alabama (-14) never. in. doubt.

New Mexico (+19) LOS LOBOS GIGANTE

Tennessee (+10.5) I don't know

Tuesday, November 07, 2017

week eleven or should i say week "Jane" (stranger things ref (spoiler alert!))

there's so much blood
Charles About Town: 6-2-1 (37-34-3)
Low Down Brown: 2-6-1 (32-39-3)

Arkansas @ LSU (-17.5)

You'll Laugh @ Old Mist (-19.5)

Florida @ South Carolina (-7)

Georgia (-2.5) @ Auburn

Kentucky @ Vanderbilt (-3)

Alabama (-14) @ Mississippi State

New Mexico @ TAMU (-19)

Tennessee @ Missouri (-10.5)

Thursday, November 02, 2017

you know it's week ten boooyyyzzzz

Auburn (-15) TAMU is a team on the decline.

UMass (+28) Does it seem like Mississippi State plays UMass a lot? I feel like they do, but I don't feel it strongly enough to actually check or anything.

Missouri (-3.5) yep

Western Kentucky (+10) Almost prepared to pick WKU straight up.

South Carolina (+24.5) I think Mustouchamp is doing a good job so far.

Kentucky (-3.5) you can throw out the records when these two superpowers finally match wits on the chessboard

Coastal Carolina (+23) How am I supposed to pick this game?

Tennessee (-6.5) I got to feel like Tennessee is a better team than UAB.

LSU (+21) An LSU win would be magical, but I expect them to lose 31-17.

Week 1G

This week's theme is Dean "Mean Dean" Koontz.

TAMU +15  The Flesh in the Furnace (1972) - Living puppets! It's crazy.

Mississippi State -28    Demon Seed (1973) - A artificially intelligent house tries to get a woman pregnant! It's wild.

Florida +3.5   The Key to Midnight (1979) - A woman loses her memory! It's insane.

Western Kentucky +10   Watchers (1987) - There's a super smart dog! It's wild.

South Carolina +24.5  Hideaway (1992) - Something about a wreck! I think I read this. It's insane.

Kentucky -3.5  Dark Rivers of the Heart (1994) - Something about another dog maybe? It's crazy.

Arkansas -23  I am tired of looking up Dean Koontz novels. I have work to do.

Tennessee -6.5  Ok I'm back. I finished my work.

Alabama -21  My only football related comment is that it's weird that I thought Missouri was the worst team in the SEC six weeks ago and now they're favorites over Florida.

Wednesday, November 01, 2017

Week and 10 let's do it again

A Charles In The Streets: 4-2 (31-32-2)
A Wesley In The Sheets: 3-3 (30-33-2)


Auburn (-15) at TAMU

UMass at Mississississippi State (-28)

Florida at Missouri (-3.5)

Western Kentucky at Wanderbuilt (-10)

South Carolina at Georgia (-24.5)

Old Mist at Kentucky (-3.5)

Coastal Carolina at Arkansas (-23)

Southern Miss at Tennessee (-6.5)

LSU at Alabama (-21)

Unless my eyes doth deceive me, Auburn is the only road favorite. Probably fine!

Thursday, October 26, 2017

It's vitally important that I do well this week...

So I'm going to try really hard to get these correct. All resources are at my disposal. Six and oh, here I come!

Old Mist -3.5  Gotta get off to a good start; really "set the tone." Talked to my parents about who they thought I should pick here. Always good to get advice from your elders.

Florida +14    Prayed hard about this one.

South Carolina -6.5   Called one of those psychic help-lines here. They say they're "for entertainment purposes only" but there's got to be something to 'em.

Missouri -11.5   Talked with my wife (borat ha ha). After a long, hard (long, hard ha ha) all-nighter (ha ha) we made a decision AS A TEAM. That's what marriage is. It's a team effort!

TAMU +1   Emailed Ivan Maisel (really smart football guy, been "around the block" when it comes to the SEC). Didn't respond. Prayed again.

Tennessee +5.5   Went to the most bountiful font of knowledge there is: The G-Meister. That's right folks. He thought they were playing Georgia in Atlanta (where UGA is) at "The Atlanta Dome" on NBC at 9:30because "they always play morning games in the SEC" but he did say "Tennessee" at one point during a rambling digression about Benghazi (which he called "Mogaduzi") so we're going Vols, baby!

(Thrift shop voice) Picks picks, picks, picks, picks picks, picks, picks

Old Mist (-3.5) It's important to remember that Arkansas sucks

Georgia (-14) I expect about 33-14

Vanderbilt (+6.5) I was surprised when I looked to compare their records/schedules how little overlap there is in games between these two titans of the gridiron.

Missouri (-11.5)  I expect some slicing and dicing.

Mississippi St (-1) I'd give Missississsiiiippi State 6 before I'd even start to think about considering this one any other way.

Tennessee (+5.5) I don't know if Tennessee will win, but I think it will be closer.

Tuesday, October 24, 2017

Week Nine, dang season's almost over

You Know (The Format)
Respected Man: 4-1 (27-30-2)
Cautionary Tale: 1-4 (27-30-2)

That's so close.

Arkansas @ Old Mist (-3.5)

Georgia (-14) vs Florida

Vanderbilt @ South Carolina (-6.5)

Missouri (-11.5) @ UConn

Mississippi St (-1) @ TAMU

Tennessee @ Kentucky (-5.5)

Meanwhile, the (I guess) three best teams in the West (right now) are "takin er easy."

Thursday, October 19, 2017

ittsa meee tha capptaaain

This week's theme: its pasta baby

Missouri -14.5   spaghetti's long and thin

Tennessee +35.5 angel hair's long and thinner

Kentucky +11.5   if pasta's in your kitchen

Old Mist  +6.5  then cook some up for dinner

Arkansas +15.5  thank you

This is definitely the weekend this thing gets sat upon its head.


According to most, basketball players invented the high five. That's fitting, because these five games are high on my list of things to watch this weekend.

Idaho (+14.5) I don't know a lot about Idaho.

Alabama (-35.5) Ah, ah, duh!

Mississippi State (-11.5) This is a really tough pick. I don't think Kentucky is as good as their record. Predicting a 13 point win.

LSU (-6.5) LSU is a team on the rise, Ole Miss is a team on the decline.

Auburn (-15.5) So, Malzahn's thing is that he can smash less talented teams, but he can't beat teams of roughly equal talent, right?

Wednesday, October 18, 2017

Week Ate


The proud American West: 4-3 (26-26-2)
The fickle unpatriot CharleSSR: 4-3 (23-29-2)

Like a third of the conference is off this week.

Idaho at Missouri (-14.5)

Tennessee at Alabama (-35.5)

Kentuckums at Mississippi State (-11.5)

LSU (-6.5) at Old Mist

Auburn (-15.5) at Arkansas

Awfully off: Florida, Georgia, South Carolina, TAMU, Vanderbilt