Monday, December 04, 2017

The Definitive History of the Bowl Pick Them

CRISIS wins in parentheses.

2005 - 2007: I can't prove that it happened.

2008: Second best win pct (.684) in non-CRISIS games.
Charles: 22-12 (9)
Captain: 19-15 (6)

2009: Fewest CRISIS games. Our worst combined performance. Worst victorious win pct. I just picked favorites. That did not pay off.
Charles: 18-16 (3)
Captain: 17-17 (2)

2010: The only time someone hasn't hit .500.
Charles: 21-14 (8)
Captain: 17-18 (4)

2011: Not particularly remarkable, I guess. This roughly approximates the 9 years overall.
Charles: 22-13 (8)
Captain: 19-16 (5)

2012: The Gold Standard of Pick Them performances (by you anyway). Also the best combined performance but that's just because you did so well. Our best performance (.778) in non-CRISIS games.
Charles: 26-9 (12)
Captain: 19-16 (5)

2013: My best performance (my only time over .600, which you have topped 5 times). Your worst performance. The perfect storm.
Charles: 18-17 (4)
Captain: 22-13 (8)

2014: Most CRISIS games.
Charles: 23-15 (11)
Captain: 20-18 (8)

2015: Highest win pct in CRISIS games.
Charles: 26-14 (9)
Captain: 20-20 (3)

2016: Best performance in a losing effort.
Charles: 23-17 (6)
Captain: 24-16 (7)

2008-2016:
Charles: 199-127 (70), .610
Captain: 177-149 (48), .543

2017 3E BOWL PICK THEM

TO SORT THROUGH ALL THIS GARBAGE WE'RE GONNA NEED... MORE POWER!!!1 *AARRUGGH, RUGGH, RUGGH*

 
SPECIAL NOTE: THAT FONT ON THE SCORE BOARD IS CALLED "JOKERMAN." BUT IN THIS CASE IT SHOULD BE CALLED "TOOL MAN." *AARRUGGH, RUGGH, RUGGH* BUT ALSO "JOKERMAN" IS FINE BECAUSE, IN HIS HEART OF HEARTS, THE TOOL MAN IS ALSO A JOKER MAN. *ARRUGHH*
 
Ok we all know the rules. Please submit your picks along with confidence ranking sometime before the games start. I shouldn't have to say this.
 
1 (least confident, like Al or maybe the shameful weakling child Mark) - 39 (most confident, as is the style of the Tool Man or his other, better sons)
 
New Orleans Bowl:
Troy v North Texas
 
Cure Bowl:
Western Kentucky v Georgia St.
 
Las Vegas Bowl:
Boise St. v Oregon
 
New Mexico Bowl:
Marshall v Colorado St.
 
Camellia Bowl:
Middle Tennessee v Arkansas St.
 
Boca Raton Bowl:
Akron v FAU
 
Frisco Bowl:
Louisiana Tech v SMU
 
Gasparilla Bowl:
Temple v FIU
 
Bahamas Bowl:
Ohio v UAB
 
Potato Bowl:
Central Michigan v Wyoming
 
Birmingham Bowl:
Texas Tech v USF
 
Armed Forces Bowl:
San Diego St. v Army
 
Dollar General Bowl:
Appalachian St. v Toledo
 
Hawaii Bowl:
Fresno St. v Houston
 
Heart of Dallas Bowl:
Utah v West Virginia
 
Quick Lane Bowl:
Duke v Northern Illinois
 
Cactus Bowl:
Kansas St. v UCLA
 
Independence Bowl:
Southern Mist v Florida St.
 
Pinstripe Bowl:
Iowa v Boston College
 
Foster Farms Bowl:
Arizona v Purdue
 
Texas Bowl:
Texas v Missouri
 
Military Bowl:
Virginia v Navy
 
Camping World Bowl:
Virginia Tech v Oklahoma St.
 
Alamo Bowl:
Stanford v TCU
 
Holiday Bowl:
Washington St. v Michigan St.
 
Belk Bowl:
Wake Forest v TAMU
 
Sun Bowl:
NC St. v Arizona St.
 
Music City Bowl:
Kentucky v Northwestern
 
Arizona Bowl:
Utah St. v New Mexico St.
 
Cotton Bowl:
USC v Ohio St.
 
TaxSlayer Bowl:
Louisville v Mississippi St.
 
Liberty Bowl:
Iowa St. v Memphis
 
Fiesta Bowl:
Washington v Penn St.
 
Orange Bowl:
Wisconsin v Miami (FL)
 
Outback Bowl:
Michigan v South Carolina
 
Peach Bowl:
UCF v Auburn
 
Citrus Bowl:
Notre Dame v LSU
 
Rose Bowl:
Georgia v Oklahoma
 
Sugar Bowl:
Alabama v Clemson
 
 
Commence to pickin.

Monday, November 27, 2017

Wow

It's over!

The Happy Guy: 4-5 (49-46-3)
The Sad Boy: 3-6 (45-50-3)

Remarkably similar results to last year:

C: 50-45-2
Tha C: 44-51-2

It really makes you think.

Wednesday, November 22, 2017

PICKS SO GOOD IT'S SCARY BECAUSE IT'S WEEK THIRTEEN BABY

You know what I see this week? A whole bunch of trash can games I wouldn't bet if this weren't a pick them situation, where lives are on the line and it's for all the marbles, marbles like Respect and Decency.

---

Old Mist (+16.5) Them dogs let me down last time. Mississippi State will definitely win 38-28 or something stupid like that.

Missouri (-10.5) Them hogs also let me down last time in the sense of not losing how I thought they should, but Bill Connelly had a thing about how the numbers aren't keeping up with Missourah, and I found it convincing.

Georgia (-11) For some reason I thought Georgia Tech was like 8-3, but they're having a real garbage season too. Should Auburn lose, I hope Tech wins, then Georgia beats Alabama, and the SEC gets left out of the playoff.

Florida State (-5.5) Florida State has a lot more to play for in this game, I .... guess? Wouldn't bet this game.

Kentucky (+10) Louisville was a crazy big favorite last year and then lost. Louisville will piddle around for 55 minutes and then win by 8.

Alabama (-4.5) it's like, c'mon man

Tennessee (-1) What a nightmare this one is.

South Carolina (+14) Of the games that don't involve dumpster teams that nobody should bet, this is the hardest pick. Clemson is a lot better with more to play for, but Muschamp is doing a really good job this year and was super mad because they got pasted last season. I like Clemson to win in a 21-14-type game.

LSU (-10.5) nah

this is the end

well its been fun


Old Mist +16.5  Seems like I pick against Mississippi State every week. Looking at it, I've picked them 3 times. I've also picked Vandy and LSU only three times each. The fewest? Oh you guessed it; I have picked against Auburn every single time because I'm a bad fan.

Missouri -10.5  Don't mess with a streak.

Georgia Tech +11   Dogs win obviously.

Florida +5.5  This will be wrong. Florida is 0-4 ATS as an underdog this year.

Louisville -10  Seems right.

Alabama -4.5  Toot toot! Here comes the Tide!

Tennessee -1  Who would actually bet on this? Degenerates and fools.

South Carolina +14  Clemson usually lets teams hang around somewhat and South Carolina isn't altogether terrible. Right?

LSU -10.5 You are right about Texas A&M, I would not bet on this game even if I were rich as hell.



Tuesday, November 21, 2017

Its week 13 baby

Well, I gave myself a shot. Breathtaking. Awe inspiring. UConn women.

Charles: 4-3 (45-41-3)
Captain: 7-0 (42-44-3)


Now, get a loada these:

Old Mist @ Mississippi State (-16.5)

Missouri (-10.5) @ Arkansas

Georgia (-11) @ Georgia Tech

Florida State (-5.5) @ Florida

Louisville (-10) @ Kentucky

Alabama (-4.5) @ Auburn

Vanderbilt @ Tennessee (-1)

Clemson (-14) @ South Carolina

TAMU @ LSU (-10.5)



Thursday, November 16, 2017

my name is tha captain and i'm here to say: my week twelve picks are on display (below)

I've got a lot of ground to make up over the next two weeks. Luckily, I'm great at making things up.

Like for example I just imagined a guy saying "fork knife" instead of "fortnight." I made that up. Nobody has ever actually made that gaffe before.


UL-Monroe +37  Lotta points there.

Arkansas +11.5  I have never been wrong about Arkansas.

Georgia -21.5  Grrrrr! We're still angry about soldier boy!!

Florida -10.5   Or Florida will lose. I don't know.

Texas A&M +3   Texas A&M has a "12th man." Hard to argue with that, even on the road.

LSU -15.5  Seems like Tennessee will be a bunch of very sad boys.

Missouri -8.5  This was the most obvious pick to me. Therefore, Vando will win in a romp.

big c in the house, in the house tonight, gonna make these picks, gonna make em right

UL-Monroe (+37) Auburn is good, and Auburn is fine, but can't imagine that Auburn beats THIS line, This game won't matter and this line is a troll, cause Auburn rests some starters for the Iron Bowl

Mississississippi State (-11.5) This game is it--just what I feared, a game where the line looks really weird, I try not to be mean and don't say this to hurt, but you best pick against the Hogs 'til they fire Bert

Georgia (-21.5) These dogs irate, these dogs real mad, these dogs about to beat Kentucky real bad, And while looking forward is always swell, look back at last week and L O L

UAB (+10.5) Florida is hurting, they're looking for a spark, no way they get it against Big Bill Clark, Firing their coach did this team no favors, when they fail to cover against the mighty blazers

Old Mist (-3) If you spell it different, wes gets pissed, which I guess is cause enough for old mist

LSU (-15.5) If LSU wins out we could call it a hat trick, and did you know that Brady's middle name is Patrick? LSU is pretty good, and that's no joke, but I base this pick on my main man Hoke

Missouri (-8.5) Maybe I'm wrong but it seems to me that Vandy's not much better than Tennessee

Wednesday, November 15, 2017

Week 12

A Wes of a Thousand Colors: 3-5 (35-44-3)
The Fairly Drab C: 4-4 (41-38-3)

UL-Monroe at Auburn (-37)

Mississississippi State (-11.5) at Arkansas

Kuntecky at Georgia (-21.5)

UAB at Florida (-10.5)

Texas A&M at Old Mist (-3)

LSU (-15.5) at Tennessee

Missouri (-8.5) at Vanderbilt

The Lineless: Alabama, South Carolina

Thursday, November 09, 2017

Tha Captainz Week Eleven (or should I say week "jane" (stranger things ref (spoiler alert!))) Pix

I humbly submit these picks. Really just honored to be competing.

Arkansas +17.5  Man, I don't know I just think the hogs got something for em.

Old Mist -19.5  Crap, I don't know I just think the rebs got a little something for em.

South Carolina -7  Hell, I don't know I just have a feeling that the cocks gonna have a little something for em.

Georgia -2.5   Dang, I don't know I just know the dawgs are gonna have a little something for em.

Kentucky +3  I mean, I don't know I just think the cats are going to have a little something for em.

Alabama -14  Hey, I really don't know I just have that feeling like the tide's gonna have a little something for em.

New Mexico +19  Look, I'm not claiming to know, I just think that the 'bos are gonna have a little something for em.

Tennessee +10.5   Dude, I don't know it just seems like the vols have a little something for em.

(311 voice) it's week ellleeeevvvvveeeeeennnnnen

LSU (-17.5) Arkansas has a bad offensive line, and LSU has a very good offensive line.

Old Mist (-19.5) This was a hard pick.

South Carolina (-7) lol

Georgia (-2.5) I very much hope to be wrong

Kentucky (+3) I don't like the way Google does CFB schedule searches anymore. Kind of surprised at this line.

Alabama (-14) never. in. doubt.

New Mexico (+19) LOS LOBOS GIGANTE

Tennessee (+10.5) I don't know

Tuesday, November 07, 2017

week eleven or should i say week "Jane" (stranger things ref (spoiler alert!))

there's so much blood
Charles About Town: 6-2-1 (37-34-3)
Low Down Brown: 2-6-1 (32-39-3)

Arkansas @ LSU (-17.5)

You'll Laugh @ Old Mist (-19.5)

Florida @ South Carolina (-7)

Georgia (-2.5) @ Auburn

Kentucky @ Vanderbilt (-3)

Alabama (-14) @ Mississippi State

New Mexico @ TAMU (-19)

Tennessee @ Missouri (-10.5)





Thursday, November 02, 2017

you know it's week ten boooyyyzzzz

Auburn (-15) TAMU is a team on the decline.

UMass (+28) Does it seem like Mississippi State plays UMass a lot? I feel like they do, but I don't feel it strongly enough to actually check or anything.

Missouri (-3.5) yep

Western Kentucky (+10) Almost prepared to pick WKU straight up.

South Carolina (+24.5) I think Mustouchamp is doing a good job so far.

Kentucky (-3.5) you can throw out the records when these two superpowers finally match wits on the chessboard

Coastal Carolina (+23) How am I supposed to pick this game?

Tennessee (-6.5) I got to feel like Tennessee is a better team than UAB.

LSU (+21) An LSU win would be magical, but I expect them to lose 31-17.

Week 1G

This week's theme is Dean "Mean Dean" Koontz.


TAMU +15  The Flesh in the Furnace (1972) - Living puppets! It's crazy.

Mississippi State -28    Demon Seed (1973) - A artificially intelligent house tries to get a woman pregnant! It's wild.

Florida +3.5   The Key to Midnight (1979) - A woman loses her memory! It's insane.

Western Kentucky +10   Watchers (1987) - There's a super smart dog! It's wild.

South Carolina +24.5  Hideaway (1992) - Something about a wreck! I think I read this. It's insane.

Kentucky -3.5  Dark Rivers of the Heart (1994) - Something about another dog maybe? It's crazy.

Arkansas -23  I am tired of looking up Dean Koontz novels. I have work to do.

Tennessee -6.5  Ok I'm back. I finished my work.

Alabama -21  My only football related comment is that it's weird that I thought Missouri was the worst team in the SEC six weeks ago and now they're favorites over Florida.

Wednesday, November 01, 2017

Week and 10 let's do it again

A Charles In The Streets: 4-2 (31-32-2)
A Wesley In The Sheets: 3-3 (30-33-2)

THE RACE TO .500 CONTINUES

Auburn (-15) at TAMU

UMass at Mississississippi State (-28)

Florida at Missouri (-3.5)

Western Kentucky at Wanderbuilt (-10)

South Carolina at Georgia (-24.5)

Old Mist at Kentucky (-3.5)

Coastal Carolina at Arkansas (-23)

Southern Miss at Tennessee (-6.5)

LSU at Alabama (-21)

Unless my eyes doth deceive me, Auburn is the only road favorite. Probably fine!

Thursday, October 26, 2017

It's vitally important that I do well this week...

So I'm going to try really hard to get these correct. All resources are at my disposal. Six and oh, here I come!

Old Mist -3.5  Gotta get off to a good start; really "set the tone." Talked to my parents about who they thought I should pick here. Always good to get advice from your elders.

Florida +14    Prayed hard about this one.

South Carolina -6.5   Called one of those psychic help-lines here. They say they're "for entertainment purposes only" but there's got to be something to 'em.

Missouri -11.5   Talked with my wife (borat ha ha). After a long, hard (long, hard ha ha) all-nighter (ha ha) we made a decision AS A TEAM. That's what marriage is. It's a team effort!

TAMU +1   Emailed Ivan Maisel (really smart football guy, been "around the block" when it comes to the SEC). Didn't respond. Prayed again.

Tennessee +5.5   Went to the most bountiful font of knowledge there is: The G-Meister. That's right folks. He thought they were playing Georgia in Atlanta (where UGA is) at "The Atlanta Dome" on NBC at 9:30because "they always play morning games in the SEC" but he did say "Tennessee" at one point during a rambling digression about Benghazi (which he called "Mogaduzi") so we're going Vols, baby!

(Thrift shop voice) Picks picks, picks, picks, picks picks, picks, picks

Old Mist (-3.5) It's important to remember that Arkansas sucks

Georgia (-14) I expect about 33-14

Vanderbilt (+6.5) I was surprised when I looked to compare their records/schedules how little overlap there is in games between these two titans of the gridiron.

Missouri (-11.5)  I expect some slicing and dicing.

Mississippi St (-1) I'd give Missississsiiiippi State 6 before I'd even start to think about considering this one any other way.

Tennessee (+5.5) I don't know if Tennessee will win, but I think it will be closer.