Thursday, September 21, 2017

weak four traditionally features no old mist

excited to see some great blocks, tackles, throws, and catches in these games

Missouri +18   gross

UMass +28  poor, shitty, stupid tennessee

Arkansas +2.5   I would have picked them at -2.5, thanks sucker!! ha ha I'm so dumb.

South Carolina -8.5   sure

Alabama -18.5  nobody is convincing me that Vanderbilt is any good

Georgia -5.5   wrong

Syracuse +21.5    wrong

Florida -2   I actually think the score will be 2-0

pick some games before you go go

Missouri (+18) no way Auburn covers

UMass (+28) Of course, Tennessee will win, but I don't think they'll cover. 24 points would be a much tougher pick for me.

Texas A&M (-2.5) at Arkansas I do not now nor have I ever thought Bert Bulima is a particularly good coach. I think Sumlin in uneven but can be good. Plus my limited understanding is that Sumlin has the slighter hotter seat and thus more motivation to win.

South Carolina (-8.5) This is a weird game with a weird line. South Carolina having that best player get hurt challenges my conception of this game, which was limited to begin with, but I'm sticking with it.

Alabama (-18.5) it enrages me that this game exists.

Mississippi St (+5.5) I like the underdog straight up. Dan Mullen the best non-Saban coach in the conference? That's probably my pick. More like Kirby Dumb!

Syracuse (+21.5) [pushing up glasses] "Actually, Syracuse was the Orangemen until 2004, when" [gets hit by a bus]

Florida (-2) Impossible for me to muster any interest in this game.

Wednesday, September 20, 2017

better week four than never

The wonderful west: 3-4-1 (12-12-1 overall, sick symmetry)
The chunderful charles: 2-5-1 (10-14-1 overall, lol)

Auburn (-18) at Missouri

UMass at Tennessee (-28)

Texas A&M (-2.5) at Arkansas

La Tech at South Carolina (-8.5)

Alabama (-18.5) at Vanderbilt

Mississippi St at Georgia (-5.5)

Syracuse at LSU (-21.5)

Florida (-2) at Kentuckums

Thursday, September 14, 2017

it's my picks .... now or never .... I just want to pick forever

TAMU (-24) TAMU is going to be mad about being such stupid moron idiots. Or, they'll fall apart? But I think they'll be mad. Them Cajuns is not very Ragin'.

Tennessee (+4.5) I was kind of surprised that Florida was such a big favorite, given their general offensive incompetence. Plus, Florida has to be all kinds of discombobulated with the hurrrrrrrrricane.

Purdue (+7) To cover but lose or maybe even straight up. I am not sure why Missourah is this big a favorite. Purdah had a close game to Louisville, who is good, and Missourah has looked like trash so far.

Alabama (-28.5) I totally forgot Bobo was Colorado State's coach.

Mississississippi State (+7) I think they cover but lose. I am not very confident about this pick.

Kansas State (-4) Yeah Waaaandy has a good defense, but that's because they've played two bad teams. We thought Auburn would have a good offense after the GA Southern game, but that was stupid. I don't know very much about Kansas State this year.

South Carolina (-6.5) A touchdown sounds about right, a 24-17 kind of game.

Old Mist (-3.5) I am also not very confident about this pick, although I am excited about this game. It's really late for Ole Miss, and they're cross country etc, plus the whole going to get hammered by the NCAA. But they're also way more talented than Cal. I am guessing the Alt Might passing game is the difference. If we were doing bets on over/unders, I would take the over here.

here come tha captainz week three picks

they say confidence is everything.

TAMU -24  easy pick. extremely confident. no way this is wrong.

Tennessee +4.5  really buying in on tennessee. this is a lock.

Purdue +7   missouri is a must-sell. 100% certain.

Alabama -28.5   the tide is going to "roll." take this one to the bank, boys.

LSU -7   are you kidding me? like taking candy from a baby.

Vanderbilt +4  vanderbilt might win the big 12. would at least be in the championship game. no doubt in my mind here.

South Carolina -6.5  this is basic as hell. there is only one answer.

Cal +3.5  perhaps the surest possible thing. bet the house, wife, and kids.

Wednesday, September 13, 2017

Week Three: this is the weekend it starts to get really good. just kidding.

Last week (Overall):

The big boy charles: 2 - 4 (8 - 9)
The big boy west: 4 - 2 (9 - 8)

It's neck and neck. Is this the weekend one of us gets a big old goose egg? Also is it the weekend one of us picks zero games correctly? I don't know the answer to either question but the second one is probably "no, that's very unlikely" and the first one is probably "i think charles is going to be pleasantly surprised with his goose egg."

Louisiana-Lafayette @ TAMU (-24)

Tennessee @ Florida (-4.5)

Purdue @ Mizzouri (-7)

Colorado State @ Alabama (-28.5)

LSU (-7) @ Missississippi State

Kansas State (-4) @ Vanderbilt

Kentucky @ South Carolina (-6.5)

Old Mist (-3.5) @ Cal

Dead to us this week:
Auburn (Mercer), Georgia (Samford (the real one)), Arkansas (themselves at practice I guess)

Thursday, September 07, 2017

the captain week two picks

"I think your gonna like em"

Clemson -5 I forgot which of the white post-RG3 baylor quarterbacks jarrett stidham was. now i'm disappointed. not an overwhelming disappointment, i mean its something i'll work through but shit man. hurts right now.

Alabama -43.5 its fun and fashionable to throw around things like "thats a lotta points homer" and "nick saban doesn't obliterate lesser oponents, he slowly smothers them" *stephen a. smith voice* BUT! *end stephen a. smith voice i guess* last year alabama covered a 43.5 point line against kent state. *twist stephen a. smith voice* BUT!

TCU -3 if you like the gridiron, you'll love football.

South Carolina +2.5 i have already forgotten whether south carolina won last week. i remembered now.

La Tech +8 mississippi state plays a lot of weird away games. also, la tech is the feminine form, the mens teams should be le tech. i'm just kidding.

Georgia +4 "catholics vs convicts!" "hey... they're all convicts" *in a hushed, subversive tone with a cheshire grin creeping across my awful face* "they're all catholics..."

already out of clever titles

My picks

Auburn (+5) Check this out: Auburn will lose but cover.

Alabama (-43.5) I guess?

TCU (-3) at Arkansas So we basically don't know anything about these teams. I actually looked it up, and last year was that weird game where TCU outplayed Arkansas but still lost. So, I think that happens again, except TCU outplays Arkansas and wins.

Missouri (-2.5) I picked against the COCKS last week and was stupid. But, NC State probably should have won, so maybe I was smart but still just wrong. I feel like this will be relatively high scoring, which maybe favors Missouri? This would be my least-confident pick, probably.

Mississippi State (-8) Why is this game in Ruston Lerisianer?

Notre Dame (-4) Somebody said Fromm has moxie, and it's hard to pick against moxie. But I'm a big believer that Notre Dame is a lot better than they were last year. It looks like the line moved? I thought it opened higher than this. I am not confident about this pick, either. I guess my decision comes down to the fact that I don't much like Georgia.

Wednesday, September 06, 2017

Weak Two


Tha Handsome Captain: 5-6
Yer friend Charlie: 6-5

We are off to a staggering, earth-scorching start. Pix at six on Thursday. This is a fairly light lineup.

Auburn at Clemson (-5)

Fresno State at Alabama (-43.5)

TCU (-3) at Arkansas

South Carolina at Missouri (-2.5)

Mississippi State (-8) at La Tech

Georgia at Notre Dame (-4)


Not on the menu, boys:

Northern Colorado at Florida
Eastern Kentucky at Regular Kentucky
Tenn-Martin at Ole-Miss
Indiana State at Tennessee
Alabama A&M at Vanderbilt A&M
Nicholls A&M at Texas A&M
Chattanooga at LSooga

Thursday, August 31, 2017


My picks! genuinely excited, not confident.

NC State (-5) I guess

Michigan (-3.5) lol hardballs. FOR THE RECORD: I expect Michigan to win by exactly four points.

Kentuckums (-10)

Jeorgia (-14.5) this is the new way we spell it for UGA

Georgia Southern (+34.5) There's no way Auburn covers a five touchdown spread, right?

South Alabama (+24) without their escort services, Auld Must is powerless, like Samson without his hair.

Alabama (-7) villains. Easiest pick of the week.

Vanderbilt (-3) Why is this an away game for the Commies?

BYU (+16.5) The Big Easy™. I had lswho? to cover, but there's a storm comin'.

UCLA (-3.5) A tough pick.

Tennessee (-3) I guess. Another tough pick.

kenneth bone

I'm going to win this year. NOT.

NC State -5 people think nc state is going to be good maybe? did I make that up? who the hell am I to maybe disagree with them? I am not researching this at all.

Michigan -3.5 I guess

Southern Mist +10 call me old fashioned but I consider usm a mid-major powerhouse and also one of Alabama's principal rivals

Appalachian State +14.5 but Georgia wins in some stupid way

Georgia Southern +34.5 bart simpson voice: aye carumba! thatsa lotta points, homer

South Alabama +24 this is difficult. on the one hand I don't care and on the other hand it doesn't matter

Alabama -7 I bought a tv antenna so I can watch part of this game because I hate myself

Middle Tennessee State +3 exciting

BYU +16.5 bart simpson voice: homer, I'm concerned about how many points lsu is giving here

UCLA -3.5  tamu? ucla? what is this alphabet soup.

Tennessee -3 time to build up a head of hype before the Alabama game, tennessee

Wednesday, August 30, 2017

Remember how I won both parts of the bowl pick them?

Picks are ATS and due by Thursday at 6. Even though none of the applicable games are until Saturday unless they're not because of Harvey. And buddy... all bets are off.

NC State (-5) v South Carolina [@ Charlotte]

Michigan (-3.5) v Florida [@ Arlington, TX]

Kentuckee (-10) @ Southern Mist

Appalachian State @ Georgia (-14.5)

Georgia Southern @ Auburn (-34.5)

South Alabama @ Old Mist (-24)

Florida State v Alabama (-7) [@ Atlanta have you heard about this new stadium]

Vanderbilt (-3) @ Middle Tennessee State

BYU v LSU (-16.5) [@ New Orleans, I guess?]

TAMU @ UCLA (-3.5)

Tennessee (-3) v Georgia Tech [@ Atlanta I know ga tech is in Atlanta but this is at the new butthole shaped stadium]

Sittin' this one out: Arkansas (FAMU), Missouri (Missouri State), Mississippi State (Charleston Southern)

Instead of Birmingham southern, you should have gone to Charleston southern.

Sunday, June 04, 2017

small fish meet big pond: brighton, huddersfield

brighton & hove albion

huddersfield town (aka the terriers, adorable)

that's it i'm done

Tuesday, May 23, 2017

Small fish, meet big pond: Newcastle

New castle? Are they still building those??? I'm kidding.

Location: up north, a rarity these days

Nickname: the butt holes. I'm kidding.

Stately, Non-Commercial Stadium Name: Newcastle stadium. (kidding)

Crest: seahorses are a delicacy in Newcastle. im kidding

What they'll bring to the table (metaphorically!): I don't know

What they'll bring to the table (literally!): don't know