Thursday, October 31, 2019

Please Enjoy My WTP (Week Ten Picks)

UTSA +38  Seriously, what on earth does a man of stable disposition and upstanding character do with a line like this?

Florida +6.5   It's called the cocktail party because the trophy is 7 seven shrimp.

Arkansas +7.5   Time to Hog Up.

Tennessee -11.5   Always bet on orange.

Auburn -18.5   I can't believe I picked that yesterday. Can't change it now though.

Vanderbilt +15   Did a lot of research on this.



$$$ Bookums $$$

$1,766.03 moolah to splash. Time for a very grindy "Tha Captainz Special."

  1. $274.87 on Jimbo N Tha Boyz straight up at -45000. This will pay me a handsome sum of $0.61.
  2. $166.64 on Arkansas N Tha Boyz to finally win an SEC game at +250. This far-fetched fantasy would pay me $416.60.

we(t)e(n)k

I'm expecting to be at the Auburn game this weekend, so I probably won't see how many of these I get wrong.

TAMU (-38): sure
Georgia (-6.5): >:(
Mississippi State (-7.5): Mississippi State is bad but Arkansas is terrible.
UAB (+11.5): blayzuhs!
Auburn (-18.5): Auburn is good against the spread, and Gus has the m.o. of smashing the bad teams.
South Carolina (-15): sure

$$$$$$$$$$$

Working with $1264.

Gimme $400 on TAMU beating UTSA to win $1
Gimme $550 on Auburn to win $50

Tuesday, October 29, 2019

Week (Rude) Teen

Big Dubs: 34-30-2
Little Cubs: 32-32-2

Lots of big lines this week.

UTSA at TAMU (-38)
Georgia (-6.5) at Florida
Mississippi State (-7.5) at Arkansas
UAB at Tennessee (-11.5)
Old Mist at Auburn (-18.5)
Vandy at South Carolina (-15)

$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$

A people's champion: $1766.03
A people's chimpion: $1264

Monday, October 28, 2019

Thursday, October 24, 2019

Week of Nine

Mississippi St. +10.5: TAMU is going to cost me this one.
LSU -10.5: LSU is going to tear Auburn to pieces :(
South Carolina -4: lol
Alabama -32: Alabama will want to work out the kinks with a back-up quarterback against the worst team in the conference. Murder time.
Mizzou -10.5: I feel like Missouri is going to mess up because they've lost weird games on the road twice, but I also think the Vandy game made them mad (?).

$$$$$$$$
WHO'S A NICE BOOKIE? YOU ARE, YES YOU ARE!
$$$$$$$$

Spending $1,219.00. I don't see a lot of value, as the bookies say, in any of these lines or totals. The closest thing I can see is LSU covering against Auburn, but then I see it's supposed to be bad weather. So, let's go with The Cap'n Special.

I'll bet $900 on Alabama beating Arkansas, to win $15.
I'll bet $10 on Kentucky beating Missouri, to win $30.

Hey man yall got any of those week 9 picks

Every one of these seemed obvious to me. That's probably a good sign.

Mississippi St. +10.5   Fimbo Jisher is a Star Wars®️ name.

LSU -10.5   Boe Jurrow vs No Bix.

Tennessee +4   Back on the Tennessee bandwagon.

Alabama -32   Auburn beat Arkansas by more than this and I have to think that Alabama's backup QBs are as good or better than Bo Nix. I have to think that.

Kentucky +10.5   Froger Kield, baby.



$$$ Bet's, Bet's, Bet's $$$

  1. $595.24 on the nefarious Tide straight up at -12500 to win $4.76.
  2. $604.76 on the nefarious LSU straight up at -375 to win $161.27.

Tuesday, October 22, 2019

Week Nine... Feelin' Fine.

Last Week (overalls)

The Guy With The Things: 5-2 (31-28-2)
The Dude With the Stuff: 3-4 (31-28-2)

The theme of this week's games is you guessed it The Sinai Peninsula.

Mississippi St. @ TAMU -10.5   S is for Sinai, the peninsula we all know

Auburn @ LSU -10.5   I is for the Israelites, who never get no snow

South Carolina -4 @ Tennessee   N is for the Nubians, as black as night can be

Arkansas @ Alabama -32   A is for Amenhotep, who said "it's all about me!"

Mizzou -10.5 @ Kentucky   I is for It's the end of this list and the rhyme scheme was AABBB



$$$ DAMN THASSA NICE BOOKIE $$$

Normal Guy: $1,219.00
Guy Normal: $1,600.00

Saturday, October 19, 2019

Thursday, October 17, 2019

The Seven Deadly Picks

Week Eight Picks as which of the Seven Deadly Sins best fits my reaction to it. The first sin is if I only allow myself to use each sin one time. The parenthetical sin is me allowing re-use of sins.

Auburn (-18.5): Pride (Wrath). Obvious reasons, I think.

Florida (-6): Lust (Wrath). Did this one last.

LSU (-19): Envy (Wrath). LSU has a fantastic passing offense. Auburn used to have a good offense. I remember it, like a dream. This is a tough pick because LSU is really good and Mississippi State seems to be cratering, but it's also got "look ahead/let down" written all over it. Seems like the over is a good bet here.

Missouri (-21.5): Greed (Sloth). They're rich at Vanderbilt, and Missouri was greedy to join the SEC, where they don't have a good fit and gave up their traditional rivalries to make more TV money.

Georgia (-24.5): Sloth (Wrath). That's how Georgia looked last week, and that accurately captures my total inability to muster any concern about this game.

Texas A&M (-6) (Sloth): Gluttony. The Grove or whatever.

Tennessee (+34.5): Wrath (double Wrath). The most obvious reasons, I think. Of course, Auburn beating Alabama is what's most important, but Alabama fans get such pleasure from their streak against Tennessee that I almost want that to end as much as I want Auburn to win the Iron Bowl. Although, Tennessee sucks and I hate them, too.

$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$

Still at $1130. Well! Let's get busy.

Gimme $625 on Auburn to beat Arkansas, to win $50.
Gimme $105 to win $50 on Florida to beat South Carolina. This seems like such a good bet to me that I must be missing something.
Gimme $11 on LSU-Mississippi State going over 61 points, to win $10.

Week 8 Picks: We're Pickin' Week 8 (Time to Pick Week 8, Baby)

Awoooga. Awooooooooga.

Arkansas  +18.5   Awooooooga. This pick is my brand. Arkansas isn't good and Gus hates them, sure. However, this game is at 11 am and I was always told that nothing good happens after 2 am.

Florida - 6  Awooga. Let's face it, Kyle Trask is incapable of a Jake-Fromm-style meltdown. He'll forge his own unique brand of meltdown but not in this game or at least not enough to matter.

LSU -19  Awoooooooooooooooooga.  Wooga. This is the year LSU scores against Alabama.

Vanderbilt +21.5  Awoooooga. Awooga. Vanderbilt just lost by 24 or something to UNLV.

Georgia -24.5  Grrrr. mad.

Old Mist +6  Putting some but not all of my chips on Jimbo being as bad as you seem to think he is.

Alabama -34.5  Alabama has already covered a spread this size twice this season, so whatever. This game is so late! Imagining Nick Saban coaching in pajamas/nightcap and carrying around a rapidly melting candle. Awooga. I forgot I was doing that. I forgot I was saying awooga for some reason.



$$$ here be bets starting with $1,721.24 $$$
  1. $577.78 on Georgia straight up at -2600 to win $22.22.
  2. $143.46 on Old Mist straight up at +205 to win $294.09.
Awoooga.

Tuesday, October 15, 2019

I felt a little tired, so I watched Miami Vice And walked the dinosaur, I walked the dinosaur

Harry Potter and the SEC Pick-Off

A Song of Nice Man Power: A Game He Owns: 3-3-1 (28-24-2)
The Slob Fit: A Bum, Rejected Early: 3-3-1 (26-26-2)

You're lying if you say that ties are bad. Speaking of which, here are some games.

Auburn (-18.5) at Arkansas
Florida (-6) at South Carolina
LSU (-19) at Mississippi State
Missouri (-21.5) at Waaanderbilt
Kentucky at Georgia (-24.5)
Texas A&M (-6) at Old Mist
Tennessee at Alabama (-34.5)

It appears that this is the first time we've had all fourteen conference teams playing in conference games this season.

$$$$$$$$

West, Heroes: $1721.24 (!!!!)
Dildo Draggins: $1130

Saturday, October 12, 2019

I'm still in my PJs, he's in a turtleneck sweater

perhaps the best rap song ever


Thursday, October 10, 2019

week .... seven?

South Carolina (+24.5) That's a big line!
Mississippi St. (-6.5) I see Missississississippi State bouncing back, I guess?
TAMU (+17) Clemson won by 14, and Alabama is two points better than Clemson.
Vanderbilt (-14.5) I don't know anything about UNLV, but they look really bad. Feels like a dumb pick.
Mizzou (-11) now that's an apple picking
Arkansas (+6.5) Also feels like a dumb pick.
LSU (-13) Let's don't act like Florida beat Auburn because they're good.

*************
A BOOKIE WHO I WOULD FRANKLY CHARACTERIZE AS NICE
*************

Working with $1130. That's a lotta moolah.

I will bet $400 to win $50 that Alabama beats TAMU. You won't be surprised but I think Alabama against TAMU at -800 is easy money.
I will bet $50 to win $10 that Mississippi State beats Tennessee. I am taking my Alabama win to bet on this one, which makes sense?

Thinking - of course - of "The Seven Kevins"

Numbers are like bullet points.

  1. Georgia -24.5
  2. Kevin I: Kevin Nealon - The primogenitor Kevin. He from whom all Kevins are descended. He was in Happy Gilmore (1996).
  3. Tennessee +6.5
  4. Kevin II: Kevin Costner - Best known for playing Wyatt Earp in the box office bomb Waterworld (1995).
  5. Alabama -17
  6. Kevin III: Kevin Bacon - Obscure actor who left show business after a harrowing experience on the set of Friday the 13th (1980).
  7. UNLV +14.5
  8. Kevin IV: Kevin Sorbo - Played the titular role on television's Hercules: The Legendary Journeys (1995-99). Delighted audiences with his trademark catchphrase wherein he would clap childishly and recite his character's name over and over.
  9. Mizzou -11
  10. Kevin V: Kevin Spacey - Great actor. Everyone loved American Beauty (1999). Seems like a nice guy.
  11. Kentucky -6.5
  12. Kevin VI: Kevin Federline - The inspiration for Kid Rock's ubiquitous anthem American Bad Ass (2000).
  13. Florida +13
  14. Kevin VII: Kevin McCallister - Awful, spoiled rich child. Subject of the documentary Home Alone (1990) and its sequels. Deceased. No male heirs, thus ending the Kevin bloodline.


$$$ Here are a couple of wagers that would make any Kevin proud $$$

  1. $849.60 on the Tahd straight up at -800. Wins $106.20.
  2. $200.40 on the Vahls straight up at +210. Wins $420.84.



Tuesday, October 08, 2019

Week Kevin

Last Week (Overalls)

Knotted Muscles: 2-3 (23-23-1)
Potted Mussels: 4-1 (25-21-1

This week's matchups are brought to you by the letter "M" for "Man dang lookit these matchups."
  • South Carolina @ Georgia (-24.5)
  • Mississippi St. (-6.5) @ Tennessee
  • Alabama (-17) @ TAMU
  • UNLV @ Vanderbilt (-14.5)
  • Old Mist @ Mizzou (-11)
  • Arkansas @ Kentucky (-6.5)
  • Florida @ LSU (-13)
Bullet points! Pew! Pew!

Only our beleaguered TigerBoys sit this one out. They deserve it. It was probably very warm and muggy in the Swamp.



$$$ Nice Boogie $$$

Humanities Hero: $1,130.00
STEM Idiot: $1,194.20

That's the most combined moolah we've ever had so this week will probably be a bloodbath of red ink.

Thursday, October 03, 2019

Wick Seex

An ugly slate of games! I've never felt more set up for failure, except often in day-to-day interactions and other picks on this website.

Utah State (+26) Seems like a big line, but who knows.
Auburn (-3) CALL ME A BELIEV' MAN
Troy (+25.5) Trojans!
Georgia (-25) I went back and forth on this one. Tennessee is a garbage team, but this seems like a giant line. Kirby is a conservative coach. But but Tennessee is also apparently very bad against the spread in their last few games. Has Tennessee given up?
Ole Miss (-7.5) I don't think Vanderbilt is very good, and Ole Miss seems fine. They looked OK against Alabama, except when they didn't.

$$$$$$
A NICEST BOOKIE

Playing with fire (a.k.a. $1121) means playing it safe on this, the most difficult picks of the season.

Give me $315 on LSU to beat Utah State, to win $9.


Week Six: Are you serious with all these off weeks c'mon man.

Really feeling like I'm on the verge of something terrible.

LSU -26  Eagerly anticipating an all-sec-qb Heisman ceremony (Joe Burrow, Bo Nix, and Kyle Trask).

Florida +3  chomp chomp

Troy +25.5   Troy's nickname "Trojans" comes from the inhabitants of the ancient Anatolian city of Troja.

Georgia -25  I'm officially off the Tennessee bandwagon.

Old Mist -7.5   I'm officially off the Vanderbilt bandwagon. Done with the whole state.



$$$

The wagers of sin... is death. The wagers of the captain... are as follows:
  • $815.52 on UGA straight up at -2365. I stand to win $34.38.
  • $84.48 on Flo-Rida straight up at +130. I stand to win $109.82.