Tuesday, March 31, 2009
Monday, March 30, 2009
The best part of HO was Just Ask Owen, which started in the mid-late 1990s, a question and answer column written by Owen Fulrice (he went out of his way to assert that it was not and advice column). Just Ask Owen was awesome -- insightful, well-read, biting, intellectual, hilarious. It was the highlight of my week when a new Just Ask Owen came out. I don't know if Owen was a real person or not. It was a fake name, but hints of a life story indicated he was in his mid-50s, with a PhD in philosophy.
It appears that much of Owen's work is lost, at least to internet searchers like me. This guy (who is the same as this guy?) used to have some of it, but that seems to be gone. Some of it is available at the Internet Archive, God bless them, but much is missing. Still, it does have an enormous Best of Just Ask Owen.
Hopefully, when this post is added to the single digit number of search responses for "Owen Fulrice," Owen will see it, and come tell us why he left.
The successors to the Birmingham Americans were known for hammering the competition!
The Vulcans struck with the strength of a hammer, their opponents were the anvil... and were in need of Advil!
Because the Vulcans were sooooo dominant, they were awarded the 1976 title without even a challenge from any other teams and then the entire league folded out of sheer fright! (or it was a financial thing, I'm not a historian.)
Two seasons, two teams, two titles, too terrifying!
Over the next few weeks, my thoughts often drifted to the advertisements I had seen in airline magazines, in which trim and cheerful secretaries effortlessly produced documents by typing in front of computer screens. Were these devices real? I checked with a salesman for a company called Lanier and discovered that while their word-processing system, called "No Problem," was quite real, it cost some $15,000. If I had drawn a pie chart representing my annual income, No Problem would have been a very large piece of pie. I called Wang, Digital Equipment, and some of the other big-name manufacturers and got roughly the same news. If I called the same manufacturers today, I'd hear much more encouraging news, but my options were to start writing shorter articles, go into hock, or take my chances again with Darlene.-James Fallows, "Living with a Computer," The Atlantic, July 1982
The way out of my dilemma came from an unexpected quarter. My father-in-law often dealt with inventors who put together computer systems to monitor various industrial processes, and he thought that one of them might have the answer. On his advice, I followed a trail of leads and suggestions that eventually led me to a converted church in the farmlands of central Ohio. There, Bill Cavage, Marv Monroe, and Bill Jones, three young engineers doing business as the Optek Corporation, tinkered with disk drives, photo-sensors, and other devices in hopes of making the big sale. Optek's specialty is making machines like the one they produce for drug companies, which counts pills as they pass by at a rate of 24,000 per minute and kicks out any bottles that receive the wrong number of pills. For men who can do all this, I thought, turning a small computer into a word-processing system should be a cinch.
For a while, I was a little worried about what they would come up with, especially after my father-in-law called to ask how important it was that I be able to use both upper- and lower-case letters. But finally, for a total of about $4,000, Optek gave me the machinery I have used happily to this day.
Sunday, March 29, 2009
Saturday, March 28, 2009
Graduate Student A: Wow. I'm not doing the shots. I told you not to show up.
Graduate Student B: I know, it's a really bad idea. Good story, though.
Graduate Student B lights a menthol cigarette, inhales, coughs.
Graduate Student A: You started smoking? When?
Graduate Student B: Last night. I'm trying to quit, though.
Graduate Student A: What?
Graduate Student B: We both know why I'm here.
Graduate Student A: No we don't. I mean, I guess we do, but it's not really worth saying so ominously.
Graduate Student B: We don't have to drink this.
Graduate Student B produces what appears to be a bottle filled with water.
Graduate Student A: What is that?
Graduate Student B: Rum. And vodka... mixed.
Graduate Student A: Did you take that from my house?
Graduate Student B: Yeah. I thought it was pretty obvious.
Graduate Student A: Not really.
Graduate Student B: Apparently not.
Graduate Student A: Okay, yeah, we definitely don't need to drink that. I have to teach in 25 minutes.
Graduate Student B: I just wanted you to know I was serious.
Graduate Student A: Yeah, I realize that. You win.
Graduate Student B: I know. And you know what else? It's up to you whether anyone else even knows I was here. We can say I didn't show and that will be that.
Graduate Student A: I don't care. I'll say you were here and I wouldn't do the shots, it actually reflects pretty well on me.
Graduate Student B: Then I guess I'll do the shots.
Graduate Student B takes a significant sip from the bottle.
Graduate Student A: Come on.
Graduate Student B: Otherwise it wouldn't reflect well on me.
Graduate Student A: You're pretty worried about what people think of you.
Graduate Student B: I'm all about appearances. So what's it gonna be? What am I going to say when people start showing up in a few hours? Your call.
Graduate Student A: Tell them the truth. Do the shots, I don't care, you called me on this. You win.
Graduate Student B: I know.
Graduate Student A: Have you been up all night?
Graduate Student B: Yeah, smoking. Also energy drinks. I watched The Royal Tenenbaums. Did you know that's Gene Hackman's character's name? Last chance, do you want any of this?
Graduate Student A: No, I'm okay.
Graduate Student B: You are okay. You're actually alright. I thought you were a dickweed the first time I heard you talk.
Graduate Student B discards the empty bottle.
Graduate Student A: Yeah, I've heard this story. Look, there's something I have to go do.
Graduate Student B: Your morning shit. I know. I'll call you when you get in there.
Graduate Student A: Don't do that.
Graduate Student B: Then I'll just come with you.
Graduate Student A: This is weird.
Graduate Student B: I guess.
office. 15 minutes later.
Graduate Student A: I don't know why you're telling me this.
Graduate Student B: Probably because I just drank a water bottle filled with liquor.
Graduate Student A: Whatever, I have to teach now. Stay away from my wife.
Graduate Student B: I'm coming to your class.
Graduate Student A: Whatever.
Friday, March 27, 2009
From Wikipedia (natch):
"A great number of wild birds live and nest in the Oblast.
In cities, most common birds are pigeons, jackdaws, hooded crows, rooks, house sparrows, and great tits."
The following story is what I believe to be the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth about the Bible and Evolution. In the beginning God created the Heavens and the earth and all the animals upon the earth. Then he created a Garden of Eden in which he created man from the dust. And he called this man Adam. Then God saw that Adam was lonely so he put Adam to sleep and he took one of Adam’s ribs and he created a woman and he called this woman Eve.
So far so good, pretty typical creationist yarn...
God did not give them power to have sex and create. Because that would be evil and bad. God did not give Adam the power to have sex with his own flesh. God is a God of goodness not evil. They had no knowledge of kissing or sex.
Oh, I see...
Now the way it happened was Adam had sex with his own flesh because she was bone of his bone and flesh of his flesh. Now that would be worse than worse than incest and they would create closer than closer than closer flesh. Now we are still the same way because people still create birthdefects and deformaties. Here are just a few examples. The blind, deaf, handicapped, mentally retarded, gays, lesbians, shemales, morfadites, transvestites, midgets, giants, murderers, childmolestors and many more. So we are still the same now.
Now everyone believes that Jesus came from God.
Well that’s not true. Jesus came from Mary having sex with a Roman soldier while Joseph was off fighting in a war. She lied to save her own life. Back then if a woman got pregnant and she wasn’t married they would stone her to death. So she lied and said that Jesus came from God. When Jesus grew up he found out the truth from the Priests and at 33 he came out and found 12 single virgins like him and he tried to tell everyone that in the eyes of God they were all brothers and sisters and they were committing incest by getting married.
Still not really into xtracrzy territory just yet, but here we go...
Now long before Jesus was born the white people created what they believed to be birthdefects. They looked different from the whites. Everytime one was born the whites would cut the nerves in the tongue so they couldn’t speak. They would grow them up and use them as slaves. The reason they cut their tongues was because the whites were afraid these people might plan some kind of over throw. So as long as they could understand english they didn’t have to speak english. So after a while they had a work force of several thousand workers. so what happened was these people simply got tired of being slaves and they ran off around the world and started their own countries.
When these people left there was a large group of men who took off and ended up in Africa. Some of these men went to Borneo and caught female Orangutans and sailed across to South America and had sex with the female Orangutans and created the Indian. And the men who stayed in Africa caught female Gorillas and had sex with them and created the Black man. When scientists found the bones they thought we came from a female Chimpanzee.
But it wasn’t a natural evolution it was a man made evolution. That’s where Bigfoot, Sasquatch, Orangutan man, Yeti and the Skunk Ape comes from. They are half man and half Gorilla and half man and half Orangutan. They use to call the American Indian the red man. The Orangutan has reddish or orange hair. When those men bred out the hair the Indian’s skin remained red. The Gorilla has black hair and skin. When those men bred out the hair the Black man’s skin remained black.Yeah, that's better. He goes on to reference one of the lesser known land-bridges...
The wooly mammoth was just a group of elephant that happened to wonder into the United States at the top of Africa when they were connected. They grew long hair to protect them against the cold.
And there you have it. He would lose to Dr. Ray if for no other reason than the mind-blowing restraint he shows in not even trying to explain dinosaurs.
It's unfortunate that most state flags in the United States aren't very good. Too many of them are just the state seal on a field of blue, although that worked well for the state flag of Virginia(which has a boob and a dead tyrant). Even worse, some have the name of the state on them. Very gauche, and it kind of defeats the purpose of having a flag in the first place though again an exception must be made, this time for California. Too bad it's bear is not holding an axe. What can I say? I'm partial to bears.
Speaking of sexual innuendo, did you know the back of Oregon's flag has a beaver on it? It does! Other than that, nothing special -- it's just the seal (and a poorly detailed rendition at that) with the state name and the year of statehood.
Here's one they missed that I like a lot, although I think the Gadsden Flag covers a lot of the same territory:
Thursday, March 26, 2009
fly away in peace
little birdie, oh wait, i
smashed your skull with brick.
Be the most transcendental dude around this Friday, 'cause it's Haiku Friday!
Haiku lifted from Wes's Haiku Masquerade.
- Music:fuck you by SP
...and could very well be either:
until next time, squirt-fans...
The 14th Lord Berners, Gerald Tyrwhitt-Wilson (1883-1950), was either eccentric or poetic-minded — he used to dye the pigeons at his Faringdon manor house so that when released they became, in Nancy Mitford's phrase, "a cloud of confetti in the sky."From Futility Closet, which is worth checking out and has a cool name.
Berners also installed a piano in his Rolls Royce, and he once received Penelope Betjeman's horse into his drawing room for tea — but Britons generally found his oddities endearing, and pastel pigeons still flock through the town square at Faringdon, a tradition kept in his memory.
Wednesday, March 25, 2009
It's just like watching a trailer for Metal Gear Solid 4 but starring those Blockbuster commercial pets from a few years back. Bet you didn't expect to see the oft-parodied freeze-frame-and-sudden-change-to-graphic-background character introductions with GD MILITARY BUNNIES today, did you?I both laughed and cringed.
Tuesday, March 24, 2009
A play in one act
[SCENE: a suburban chain coffee shop, empty except for the BARISTA behind the counter - an extremely pleasant, college-aged woman wearing an apron.]
JOHN: I CAN'T BELIEVE THEY ARE OPENING ANOTHER TACO BELL ON MY OWN STREET! HOW DID I NOT KNOW ABOUT THIS? THE LAST THING WE NEED IN THIS TOWN IS ANOTHER HAVEN FOR THOSE BORDER CROSSERS!
BARISTA: Welcome to The Daily Grind, America's third-fastest growing coffee chain! How can I help you?
JOHN: YOUNG LADY HELLO. I NEED SOME SUSTENANCE FOR MY WALK HOME, NOW THAT I HAVE TO GO TEN BLOCKS OUT OF THE WAY TO AVOID THAT CHINESE LAUNDRY.
BARISTA: Um, okay. Would you like something to drink? We're famous for our fresh ground coffee!
JOHN: WELL MAYBE. I TRY TO AVOID HOT, COLORED DRINKS. IS IT GOOD?
BARISTA: Absolutely! We use only the finest Arabica.
JOHN [sputtering]: ARABICA! WHAT IS THE MATTER WITH YOU? ARE YOU PEOPLE TERRORIST SYMPATHIZERS?
BARISTA: No, no, sir, it's the species of coffee plant it comes from. It's not from anywhere in Arabia.
JOHN: WHEW THAT WAS A CLOSE ONE.
BARISTA: It's fair trade coffee from from Central America!
JOHN: SWEET ANGLO JESUS! I CAN'T DRINK THAT.
BARISTA: Oh, I'm sorry sir -- I guess you don't want a cappuccino then, either.
JOHN: THOSE SPAGHETTI-BENDERS ARE IN LEAGUE WITH THE COLOMBIANS? I'VE GOT TO GET THIS INTO THE NEWSLETTER! IF I EVER GET HOME, I MEAN. WHAT ELSE DO YOU HAVE TO DRINK?
BARISTA: Maybe you'd like some hot tea? Our most popular blend is English Breakfast.
JOHN: IT FIGURES THOSE LIMEY POOFS WOULD BE INVOLVED. WELL, THEY'RE MOSTLY WHITE IN ENGLAND, RIGHT? I'LL TAKE IT.
BARISTA: Great! I'll go get that started. But did you want something to eat? If so, a bagel might hit the spot, and we've got six --
JOHN: A BAGEL! DO I LOOK LIKE A BANKER TO YOU?
BARISTA: Or, uh, we've got some grilled panini sandwiches.
JOHN [looking faint, leaning against the counter for support]: MORE PAPISTS IN THIS FAIR LAND!
BARISTA: Er, it's a little late in the day, but we've got these new breakfast quesadillas --
BARISTA: Oh my God! Are you alright?
JOHN: YES, YES, I'M FINE. I JUST NEED SOMETHING TO EAT. HOW ABOUT THOSE MUFFINS? GOOD OLD AMERICAN MUFFINS.
BARISTA: Yes sir! I'm afraid all we've got out right now is lemon poppy-seed.
JOHN: POPPY SEED! I WON'T SUPPORT THOSE TAFFY-PULLING TURKS!
BARISTA: Um, let me check in the back to see if we've got any blueberry.
JOHN: THAT'S MIGHTY WHITE OF YOU.
JOHN: WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO, WHEN YOU CAN'T GET A GOOD, DECENT, GOD-FEARING AMERICAN BEVERAGE?
[enter: EVE MENDEZ with two BODYGUARDS]
JOHN: OH NO. KEEP IT TOGETHER JJ.
EVE MENDEZ: John, is that you?
JOHN: OH, HELLO, YES, HI EVE.
EVE MENDEZ: John, you look good! How are things going?
JOHN: OH, YOU KNOW, THE USUAL. I STARTED A MAGAZINE.
EVE MENDEZ: Oh wow, how exciting!
JOHN: WELL IT'S JUST, UH, ONLINE, BUT WE HAD 320 UNIQUE VISITORS LAST MONTH.
EVE MENDEZ: That sound fascinating! We need to get together some time so you can tell me more about it.
JOHN: OH, YEAH, NO, I DON'T KNOW, EVE, A LOT HAS CHANGED SINCE YOU LEFT ME AT THAT RESTAURANT.
EVE MENDEZ: Oh, John, I feel awful about that every day. I really believed I was just going to the restroom. You know how things are. I never meant to hurt you. I certainly didn't want you to wait all night for me.
JOHN: AND THE NEXT DAY.
EVE MENDEZ: But we had some fun, didn't we? Wait here, let me go order my coffee.
JOHN [aside, to himself]: CONCENTRATE, JJ, KEEP IT COOL. THAT'S HOW THEY GET YOU. KEEP STRONG.
EVE MENDEZ [writing something on a piece of paper]: I'm shooting a Orangina ad this month in town. This is the number where I'll be staying. Give me a call! We can have dinner, drinks. Maybe even [lowering her voice and leaning toward John seductively] another night in the hot tub.
JOHN: YES I WOULD LIKE THAT VERY MUCH I -- NO! I MUST BE STRONG! YOU AND YOUR NAFTA SUPERHIGHWAY WILL BE THE END OF US ALL! AWAY FROM ME, FOUL TEMPTRESS!
[JOHN shoves EVE MENDEZ to the ground]
EVE MENDEZ: What! How dare you! Leo, Toots, show this guy some manners!
[the two BODYGUARDS begin to beat JOHN in the kidneys]
BARISTA: We were out of English Breakfast, so I made you some Indian spice chai. I hope that's alright! Sir?
I've been working tirelessly on this. Not really! I do like the very straightforward instructions. When you get done you can go place an illicit overseas bet. That's about all it's good for. I'm sorry, the pressure to produce posts is crushing me like a cat on a hot tin roof.
Monday, March 23, 2009
1. Wonderlic scores
2. draft strategy
3. the play-offs
So here we are, the best part of the NFL season: Wonderlic season. Admittedly, Wonderlic scores have about as much to do with NFL potential as one's Myers-Briggs personality type (example of quarterbacks: Darrell Hackney scored a 40; Drew Bledsoe, a 37; Tom Brady, a 33; Dan Marino, a 16). That said, deceptively athletic Matthew Stafford is apparently the smartest quarterback in the draft, with a 38 out of 50. The best score, at least among the top prospects, was Maryland's Kevin Barnes and his 41.
Andre Smith scored a 17, which is just below average. I don't think reflects how foolish he's been since about the beginning of the year, but it does fit with his world-class effort to ruin his draft position. Michael Oher got a 19 -- what is it with stupid, outstanding college lineman? To quote Deadspin, "A score of ten is supposed to indicate literacy. Vince Young, you may recall, allegedly scored a 6." The lowest score this year is North Carolina's Hakeem Nicks with an 11. Receivers as a whole look like the dumbest position; the best player in the country last year, Michael Crabtree, got a 15.
Florida has produced some idiots lately. Percy Harvin got a 12; in the past, Chris Leak got an 8.
To get an idea of how shockingly awful some of these scores are, here is a sample test. My guess is that, for most people, it's the time limit and the pressure more than the difficulty (or lack thereof) that gets to you.
Sunday, March 22, 2009
Saturday, March 21, 2009
Fail in the sense that one has failed at life, and thus is given to drinking heavily even at breakfast, to deaden the pain of this worldly toil. But that says more about the drinker than the breakfast. There's an argument about American drinking culture in here, I think.
Friday, March 20, 2009
Villareal v Arsenal
seeds by pre-draw odds: 7 v 5
Tha Captainz Choice: Villareal
Manchester United v Porto
seeds by pre-draw odds: 1 v 8
Tha Captainz Choice: Manchester United
Liverpool v Chelsea
seeds by pre-draw odds: 3 v 4
Tha Captainz Choice: Chelsea
Barcelona v Bayern Munich
seeds by pre-draw odds: 2 v 6
Tha Captainz Choice: Barcelona
The orders keep piling up. A philosophy student needs a paper on Martin Heidegger. A nursing student needs a paper on dying with dignity. An engineering student needs a paper on electric cars.Cheating Goes Global as Essay Mills Multiply
Screen after screen, assignment after assignment — hundreds at a time, thousands each semester. The students come from all disciplines and all parts of the country. They go to community colleges and Ivy League universities. Some want a 10-page paper; others request an entire dissertation.
This is what an essay mill looks like from the inside. Over the past six months, with the help of current and former essay-mill writers, The Chronicle looked closely at one company, tracking its orders, examining its records, contacting its customers. The company, known as Essay Writers, sells so-called custom essays, meaning that its employees will write a paper to a student's specifications for a per-page fee. These papers, unlike those plucked from online databases, are invisible to plagiarism-detection software.
Everyone knows essay mills exist. What's surprising is how sophisticated and international they've become, not to mention profitable.
In a previous era, you might have found an essay mill near a college bookstore, staffed by former students. Now you'll find them online, and the actual writing is likely to be done by someone in Manila or Mumbai. Just as many American companies are outsourcing their administrative tasks, many American students are perfectly willing to outsource their academic work.
And if the exponential surge in the number of essay mills is any indication, the problem is only getting worse. But who, exactly, is running these companies? And what do the students who use their services have to say for themselves?
5. Pork Tenderloin
Strengths: delicious, tasty, tender
4. Chicken Wings
Strengths: delicious, tasty, dippable
Strengths: delicious, tasty, can be combined with bacon
Strengths: delicious, tasty, nonthreatening
Strengths: delicious, tasty, manly
b: Washington's Lottery: Whose World Could You Change?
(as pointed out by the commenters at the Seattle Times)
Thursday, March 19, 2009
"You guessed it -- Frank Stallone."
Be the coolest guy around this Friday, 'cause it's Catchphrase Friday.
2. The Ohio State University
3. The higher seeded team
Predicted championship game:
Dayton 1000 - 2 North Carolina
First in flight, my ass!
I'd like to see a breakdown for graduate students. Also, Computer Science looks really out of place on the list. Most importantly -- isn't Wellesley College an all-girls school?
"Virginity rates among students by major"
Wednesday, March 18, 2009
This sums up so many problems with today's college football and sports coverage (ESPN in particular): irritating, obnoxious personalities ill-fitted together; bias and favoritism; space-filling, time-killing nonfeatures in place of actual analysis or sports; fan-based, populist, masturbatory nonfeatures in place of actual analysis or sports; childish petulance when said nonfeatures don't go the way the hosts want. It's too bad he's such a dick here, because Kirk tends to be one of my favorite analysts during actual games.
Also too, to the question at hand: 1945 Army.
Nickname: The Red Devils.
Stately, Non-Commercial Stadium Name: Old Trafford. Comfortably first in the EPL with a capacity of just over 76,ooo. American homerism: That would make it eighth in the SEC.
Crest: The sausagesque letterboxes always make me uncomfortable. The cubist devil always makes me giggle.
Season So Far: They've already won the Club World Cup, the Community Shield, and the League Cup; the three scrub trophies of the possible six they're shooting for. In the semifinals of the FA cup, the quarterfinals of the Champions League, and have a four point lead at the top of the premier league with a game in hand. Before getting skulled by Liverpool over the weekend, they had won eleven straight and had looked almost impossible to score against, much less beat.
General vibe to a casual American fan: Pure giganticism. By almost all accounts, the richest, most powerful club in the world. There are more Manchester United fans in China alone than there are people in the United States. I made that up, but it's probably true. They love the EPL in the far east. Universally disliked by all other fan bases in England to the point where most fans have a preferred team and also identify themselves as "ABU" or "Anyone But United." They've got Notre Dame's sense of self-entitlement, Alabama's bandwagoniness, and Miami's arrogance. Also too, Cristiano Ronaldo: possibly the most vain, self-aggrandizing person on the planet. Still, Paul Scholes can do this and you can't.
Tuesday, March 17, 2009
Rich’s legislation would target only those who derived or helped others derive "sexual gratification" from an animal, specifying that conventional dog-judging contests and animal-husbandry practices are permissible.What kind of name is Larcenia Bullard? It sounds like a legal term.
That last provision tripped up Miami Democratic Sen. Larcenia Bullard.
"People are taking these animals as their husbands? What’s husbandry?" she asked. Some senators stifled their laughter as Sen. Charlie Dean, an Inverness Republican, explained that husbandry is raising and caring for animals. Bullard didn’t get it.
"So that maybe was the reason the lady was so upset about that monkey?" Bullard asked, referring to a Connecticut case where a woman’s suburban chimpanzee went mad and was shot.
Location: London Borough of Hammersmith and Fulham, in the heart of fashionable West London. NOT the London Borough of Kensington and Chelsea.
Nickname: The Blues, The Royals, The Pensioners.
Stately, Non-Commercial Stadium Name: Stamford Bridge.
Crest: In the late 19th century the London Transit Authority experimented with using fire-breathing lions as crossing guards. FAIL.
Season So Far: Into the last eight of the Champions League and the semifinals of the FA Cup, but still a good distance back from United at the top of the table. A late run isn't out of the question but it looks like that ship has sailed, homies.
General vibe to a casual American fan: John Terry slipping in Moscow. They're a JohnnyComeLately thriving under the Russian oil money of Roman "The Krazy Cossack" Abramovich.
Monday, March 16, 2009
Not sure what to make of this place. I went in for a hair cut but came out with a lot more.David1959's review of Cardinal Barber Shop, Palo Alto, CA
It all started out normal, got my hair trimmed (whats left of it) and I thought I was done. he asked me if I wanted a free shave, I said sure. Once he put the hot towel over my face, is when things got really bonkers. He started playing a love song, now being that it was only the two of us there, I was not sure what to make of it, until he started rubbing my hands with baby oil. Don't get me wrong, I am as straight as an arrow, but man did that feel good. He asked me if I wanted him to continue and I couldn't resist and said yes. One thing lead to another and we ended up exchanging numbers just for friendship purposes.
Other than that, it was a great place to get a hair cut and free shave.
It is precisely in these terms that I wish to discuss a preeminent moral challenge for our time — that imprisonment on a massive scale has become one of the central aspects of our nation’s social policy toward the poor, powerfully impairing the lives of some of the most marginal of our fellow citizens, especially the poorly educated black and Hispanic men who reside in large numbers in our great urban centers.A Nation of Jailers
The bare facts of this matter — concerning both the scale of incarceration and its racial disparity — have been much remarked upon of late. Simply put, we have become a nation of jailers and, arguably, racist jailers at that. The past four decades have witnessed a truly historic expansion, and transformation, of penal institutions in the United States — at every level of government, and in all regions of the country. We have, by any measure, become a vastly more punitive society. Measured in constant dollars and taking account of all levels of government, spending on corrections and law enforcement in the United States has more than quadrupled over the last quarter century. As a result, the American prison system has grown into a leviathan unmatched in human history. This development should be deeply troubling to anyone who professes to love liberty.
Here, as in other areas of social policy, the United States is a stark international outlier, sitting at the most rightward end of the political spectrum: We imprison at a far higher rate than the other industrial democracies — higher, indeed, than either Russia or China, and vastly higher than any of the countries of Western Europe. According to the International Centre for Prison Studies in London, there were in 2005 some 9 million prisoners in the world; more than 2 million were being held in the United States. With approximately one twentieth of the world’s population, America had nearly one fourth of the world’s inmates. At more than 700 per 100,000 residents, the U.S. incarceration rate was far greater than our nearest competitors (the Bahamas, Belarus, and Russia, which each have a rate of about 500 per 100,000.) Other industrial societies, some of them with big crime problems of their own, were less punitive than we by an order of magnitude: the United States incarcerated at 6.2 times the rate of Canada, 7.8 times the rate of France, and 12.3 times the rate of Japan.
Hello, "Boils" and "Ghouls!" Larry Langford here. Tonight's tale is that of the Birmingham Americans, a team buried in the history books... but play them and it was YOU who would end up six feet under!
Legion Field truly was a house of horrors for opposing teams... none of the 13 who ventured in came out alive!
Local businessman Bill Putnam took a stab at team ownership, and you might say that his minions were quite adept at "Putnam in body bags!"
The Americans haunted the Central Division of the World Football League during its inau-"ghoul" season of 1974. They may have been the American dream, but for the rest of the league it was truly a nightmare!
On Thursday, Dismember 5th, 1974 the "talon"-ted team clawed their way to a World Bowl Championship!
Soon after, however, their fortunes turned for the worse. They've "slain" dormant, rotting in the earth.... until tonight!
Sunday, March 15, 2009
Nickname: The Reds.
Stately, Non-Commercial Stadium Name: Anfield.
Crest: I think they stole the flames from Bowser's castle.
Season So Far: Good start, but too many home draws to the assorted flotsam drifting around the bottom of the league have pretty much eliminated them from title contention (although as I groggily type this, they've just gone 2 - 1 up at United.) Still, somebody will have to deal with them in the Champions League.
General vibe to a casual American fan: Death by crushing. Until Manchester United's recent dominance they were, by far, the top scone on the English soccer lorry. Also too, that damn song.
Saturday, March 14, 2009
Click. Click. Wes was sure that this round of tax cuts would be just what BIGDICKCITY needed to reach Metropolis status. Fumbling blindly for his bottle of Woodbridge Merlot, he almost knocked it off the desk. THAT WAS A CLOSE ONE! He had always loved SimCity games... really the only games he had ever had the grit or dedication to stick with. Cheat codes? He wasn't going to admit to that so easily. His phone rang. Sarah, come on. Can't this wait?
Click. Click. Charles was sure that this latest Flash game was the coolest and funnest thing he had ever played. Note to self: show Lauren next time she visits! Fumbling blindly for his cup of hot tea, Charles almost couldn't find his cup of hot tea but then he did. THAT WAS A CLOSE ONE! He had always been good at making hot tea. Although whether it was through some latent tea-making talent or sheer repetition, he would readily admit to the latter. His phone rang. Lauren! Charles's spirits soared.
Clomp. Clomp. John plodded down the hall, farting more than half the way. Half gallon of skim milk in one hand, the other scratching his belly he slammed himself down in front of the television and prepared a bowl of cereal. Failing to notice that Stacy was even in the room, John watched three consecutive episodes of Law and Order, punctuated by brief periods of napping.
Nickname: The Villans, Villa.
Stately, Non-Commercial Stadium Name: Villa Park (they've got a theme and they stick with it.)
Crest: The Boy Scouts called and they want one word of their motto back. Recently updated. The star means they won what is now called the Champions League in 1982.
Season So Far: Will be good, could have been great. They're a whisker ahead of Arsenal for the last Champions League spot right now, but they're fading a bit. Tha Captainz prediction: They'll have to settle for the
General vibe to a casual American fan: They're owned by the guy who owns the Tampa Bay Buccaneers. So just picture Warrick Dunn and Mike Alstott kicking a ball around.
It happened in Indiana. Although the attempt to legislate pi was ultimately unsuccessful, it did come pretty close. In 1897 Representative T.I. Record of Posen county introduced House Bill #246 in the Indiana House of Representatives. The bill, based on the work of a physician and amateur mathematician named Edward J. Goodwin (Edwin in some accounts), suggests not one but three numbers for pi, among them 3.2, as we shall see. The punishment for unbelievers I have not been able to learn, but I place no credence in the rumor that you had to spend the rest of your natural life in Indiana.I am glad that Congress has figured out how to fix the war, recession, continued existence of Dancing with the Stars, etc, so they've got time to get in on the act. From Politico:
Just as people today have a hard time accepting the idea that the speed of light is the speed limit of the universe, Goodwin and Record apparently couldn't handle the fact that pi was not a rational number. "Since the rule in present use [presumably pi equals 3.14159...] fails to work ..., it should be discarded as wholly wanting and misleading in the practical applications," the bill declared.
“It makes you realize how consequential you really are,” Rep. Bill Delahunt (D-Mass.) said with a smile.Oh, fine, fine. Good to have that sorted out.
Friday, March 13, 2009
Tyson is lucky that he is a powerful man with fighting instincts, because he has a silly voice and is an idiot, a potentially lethal combination for most people.
"I normally don't do interviews with women unless I fornicate with them. ... So you shouldn't talk anymore. Unless, you wanna, you know."
Also, "I'ma gut him like a fish" is my new go-to smack talk.
hey computer whizzes! due to overwhelming demand...an update!
remember to keep thinking about what my secret identity might be!
what? a clue? you want a clue? well i'll tell you this...
i'm not who i may seem!
keep sleuthing, super-sleuths!
- Music:mystery dance!
Seriously, WHO AM I?
Thursday, March 12, 2009
Largely thanks to Speculative Fiction, space is probably one of the most consistently inaccurately portrayed things in modern media, to the extent that complete falsehoods are widely accepted fact. This is a very specific kind of Did Not Do The Research, which may have been partially justified in earlier media as the Research back then wasn't up to much. Modern portrayals of space, however, still haven't changed much from the rock-filled, noisy place which will make an unprotected human instantly explode into clouds of ice.TV Tropes, which is worth checking out.
Some of these are due to a lack of research or just uninterest. But most of the modern portrayals of this like are due to the Rule Of Cool (things with sound are cooler than things without sound – although not as scary, as a famous tagline pointed out), artistic license, or simply the belief that audiences wouldn't accept it any other way.
1. We’ll start off with drinks: a shot of idiotic randomness chased with a somewhat boyish naivety. As an appetizer, strips of sarcasm, battered with relevance and fried; served with a dipping sauce of honesty (100% pretense free). The main course will be an ill-informed, exorbitantly verbose and grandiose diatribe with blatantly obvious anti-BSC flavors, pan-seared and garnished with gratuitous innuendo included only to get a rise out of you (ingredients may vary depending on editing). Finally, dessert will be an abnormally terse goodbye, served tongue-in-cheek and cold.
Note: Nothing I’ve ever done has been 100% pretense-free.
2. At my wedding reception, I want the caterers to serve steak niblets with a lobster bisque to dip them in. I don’t exactly know what portion of steak constitutes a niblet, but it sounds good.
Two Notes: 1) I no longer eat steak and 2) I will die alone.
3. See what calling it “the caf” has gotten us? Someone apparently thinks that we as college students have an aversion to polysyllabic words. Thus, in that unknown entity’s infinite grace, they shortened the title of Birmingham-Southern’s annual spring festival of debauchery to SoCo. Our tongues no longer tied up with its archaic title, we are freer to drink the sweet nectar of alcohol that will always be such an integral part of the celebration. Thank you, powers-that-be.
It’s funny how fondly I remember Southern Comfort despite never once actually going under the tent to see a band.
4. I read an editorial in a recent edition of the Vanderbilt student newspaper on the subject of the sexual equivalent of winning the Music City Bowl, something that I can only faintly fathom even seeing in print in a BSC publication. In fact I’m not even going to say what the subject is to avoid my column being hacked to indiscernible pieces. Let’s just say that the article was truly gripping. And since we here on the hilltop are nothing if not progressive, liberated, and open to free discussion, we too need a monologue on certain taboo topics. To truly become “Southern Ivy,” we must follow the footsteps laid down by the institutions that have the national reputation that this school would like to have. And the first step that we need to make is an acknowledgement of the true nature of college life. The hallmark of today’s revered schools is an open-minded and expressive student body, not a cloistered community of status-driven automatons shoveling piles of stillborn ideas into the flames of mediocrity.
I read every student newspaper in the country hoping to find an article about handjobs. Thanks, Vandy.
I’m not half as good a writer as I thought I was back then. And math school has only made me worse.
“…cloistered community of status-driven automatons shoveling piles of stillborn ideas into the flames of mediocrity.”
That’s the dumbest thing I’ve ever read. And that includes this.
5. This is it. The last scratch on the lid of the coffin by a man buried alive. I hope someone heard me.
My final impression is the same as my initial impression. I’m a tool.
Wednesday, March 11, 2009
Atletico 2 - 2 Porto
Madrid Leg: 2 - 2
Porto Leg: 0 - 0
Porto wins on away goals.
Two teams that don't really belong here. Welcome to the world of unseeded draws.
Lyon 3 - 6 Barcelona
Lyon Leg: 1 - 1
Barcelona Leg: 2 - 5
Barca's ridiculously handsome front line brought the ruckus. Nobody is going to beat them.
Internazionale 0 - 2 Manchester United
Milan Leg: 0 - 0
Manchester Leg: 0 - 2
"Profligate" would actually begin to describe Manchester United in front of goal in this series. They still won. They're pretty good.
Arsenal 1 - 1 Roma
London Leg: 1 - 0
Rome Leg: 0 - 1
Arsenal wins 7 - 6 on penalties
The one English I would have liked to have seen shit a brick almost did.
You want your final eight? I'VE GOT YOUR FINAL EIGHT RIGHT HERE! Also too, they're in a scientifically computed order of likelihood of winning it all: