Tha Captainz Week 5 Pix: It's time to wake up the guy from green day lol

Somebody better go wake him up. The guy from green day.

Arkansas +18.5  

Tennessee +3

Alabama -14.5

Troy +7

Kentucky +8

TAMU -7

UConn +14.5

Auburn +3.5   Yes, I'm picking Auburn as a bit now.

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{v}{v}{v}

1. {v}275.56 on LSU -175 to win {v}157.46

Pretty good line-up this week for WEEK FIVE PICK THEM PICKS

Arkansas (+18.5) v Georgia: The Hogs will definitely lose, but I like their chances to keep it close-ish. 

Tennessee (+3) v Mizzou: Feel bad about Missouri, can't put my finger on it

Old Mist (+14.5) v Alabama: It would be funny if someone who never watched football watched the Arky-Uga game and then this one back-to-back.

Troy (+7) v South Carolina: I like Troy's chances to win outright. 

Florida (-8) v Kentucky: Florida seems like they're firing on all of the proverbial cylinders, probably guarantees a letdown.

Mississippi St. v TAMU (-7): TAMU will be mad

UConn (+14.5) v Vanderbilt: two of the worst teams in America, no telling what will happen. 

Auburn (+3.5) v LSU: real sicko stuff here

{v}{v}{v}

I got {v}797.22. This is a good week of games, so it means fewer sure things. 

Gimme {v}102.30 on Florida (-330) to beat Kentucky, to win {v}31

Gimme {v}98.60 on TAMU (-290) to beat Mississippi State to win, {v}34

Gimme {v}8.89 on Tennessee (+135) to beat Missouri, to win {v}12

You Can't Spell "Week Five" Without 3e

Mayonnaise: 3-5 (22-16) [you were 19-11 going into last week and not 20-11 as you shamefully wrote in your post]

Miracle Whip: 3-5 (20-18)

Arkansas (+700) v Georgia (-18.5, -1200) (T:48.5)

Tennessee (+135) v Mizzou (-3, -160) (T:64.5)

Old Mist (+430) v Alabama (-14.5, -625) (T:79.5)

Troy (+225) v South Carolina (-7, -275) (T:45)

Florida (-8, -330) v Kentucky (+265) (T:55)

Mississippi St. (+240) v TAMU (-7, -290) (T:46)

UConn (+445) v Vanderbilt (-14.5, -655) (T:51.5)

Auburn (+150) v LSU (-3.5, -175) (T:55.5)

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{v}{v}{v}

Good and Faithful Servant: {v}797.22

Fool and Girthful Savant: {v}1,102.22

Tha Captainz Week 4 Pix: Very Special You Can't Do That On Television (what with the slime and all) Edition

These matchups - much like Jake from State Farm - sound hideous.

LSU -2.5 This is the only where I have even a smidge of confidence.

Vanderbilt +35 Remember when gameday went to Vanderbilt and then Alabama beat them by one hundred points

Mizzou -2 Boston College is one of only five IA programs without "University" in it's official name. However, it's the only one with the word "Boston" in it's official name. Every team is a unique and special snowflake and I have had it up to here with the no-university-in-the-name-shaming.

Arkansas +5.5 I hope they wear those uniforms from a few years ago that I liked. They won't.

Auburn -27 Coming off a tough loss and looking ahead to LSU, I really expect Auburn to come out laser-focused. Not. What am I doing

Tennessee +20 The only Ten-I-See? Remember to put a joke here before you post, idiot. Don't just leave this in there like a rube. I don't know, maybe something like "the ten minutes that this game will be interesting!" or "the ten beers I will drink during this game!" Just something lighthearted like that; Charles will like it. I hope! Well, anyway just make sure you erase all this.

South Carolina +5 This game, despite happening every year, has left no cultural impact. It's like Avatar.

Alabama -45 Throw out the records. It's rivalry time, baby.

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{v}{v}{v} 

1. {v}600.00 on Auburn (oh my god what am i doing) at -6000 to win {v}10.00.

2. {v}3.00 on LSU at -135 to win {v}2.22.

3. {v}2.00 on South Carolina at +180 to win {v}3.60.

4. {v}5.00 on Tennessee at +800 to win {v}40.00.

Still pickin' like the day I was born

 LSU at Mississississippi State (+2.5): This is going to be a fun game to watch this week. 

Georgia (-35) at Waaa-nderbilt: Gross

Missouri (-2) at BC: A baffling game, why is this

TAMU (-5.5) at Arky: My head says yes, but my heart says I hate both of these teams.

Georgia State (+27) at Auburn: eh

Tennessee (+20) at Florida: Tennessee's recent mediocrity really drives home the importance of coaching. 

Kentucky (-5) at South Carolina: Looks like I'm mostly picking road games, seems fine

Southern Miss (+45) at Alabama: In a big rivalry game like this, you can throw out the records

{v}{v}{v}{v}{v}{v}{v}{v}{v}{v}{v}{v}{v}{v}{v}{v}{v}{v}

Working with {v}731.18, and it is becoming apparent that my whole approach to this part of the Pick Off is "not learning lessons." 

Gimme {v}500 on Auburn (-6000), to win {v}8.33

Gimme {v}100 on Kentucky (-210), to win {v}47.62

Gimme {v}131.18 on Florida (-1300), to win {v}10.09

I looked, and behold, a pale horse; and he who sat on it had the name Week Four, and Picks were following with him

Mysteries and secrets not to be written down: 5-4 (Overalls: 17-13)

Regular mysteries and secrets that you can write down in a notebook or w/e: 8-1 (Overalls: 20-11)

>:(  >:(  >:(  >:(  >:(  >:(  >:(  >:(  >:(  >:(  >:(  >:(  >:(  >:(  >:(  >:(

LSU (-2.5) (-135) at Mississississippi State (+115) (T:56)

Georgia (-35) (-50000) at Waaa-nderbilt (+3500) (T:53)

Missouri (-2) (-130) at BC (+110) (T:59)

TAMU (-5.5) (-210) at Arky (+180)) (T:48)

Georgia State (+1600) at Auburn (-27) (-6000) (T:57)

Tennessee (+800) at Florida (-20) (-1300) (T:63)

Kentucky (-5) (-210) at South Carolina (+180) (T:48)

Southern Miss (+4000) at Alabama (-45) (-100000) (T:58)

{v}{v}{v}{v}{v}{v}{v}{v}{v}{v}{v}{v}{v}{v}{v}{v}{v}{v}

Bringing balance to the universe: {v}1,100

Not bringing balance to the universe: {v}731.18

can someone explain the Week 3(E) thing I don't get it but I've been acting like I do for several years

slowdowntheremaestrothere'saNew Mexico v TAMU (-28.5): sure

Alabama v Florida (+16.5) (good joke): The real joke is me idiotically picking against Alabama.

Georgia Southern v Arkansas (-23.5): Sam Pittman really driving home the difference between "good coach" and "good coach for [school]"

Mississippi St. v Memphis (+3.5): Upset alert?

South Carolina (+31) v Georgia: pretty gee dee sickening

Auburn v Penn St. (-6): Been going back and forth in this o/u which is Definitely a sign to bet on it

Central Michigan (+19.5) v LSU: Upset alert??

#AddTulane v Old Mist (-14): Add Tulane you cowards

Samford (-11) v Vanderbilt: Go Bull Dogs

{v}{v}{v}{v}{v}{v}{v}{v}{v}{v}{v}{v}{v}{v}{v}{v}{v}{v}

I'm off to an objectionable start at {v}735.00. 

Gimme {v}55 on Auburn v Penn State going under 53, to win {v}50.

Gimme {v}55 on #AddTulane v Old Mist going under 74, to win {v}50

Gimme {v}100 on Georgia (-8500) over South Carolina, to win $1.18

Tha Captainz Week 3 (E) Pix: Season's really flyin by huh

 mmm

TAMU -28.5

Alabama -16.5

Georgia Southern +23.5

Mississippi St. -3.5

South Carolina +31

Auburn +6

LSU -19.5

Old Mist -14

Samford -11

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{v}{v}{v}

1. {v}500.00 on TAMU -5000 to win {v}10.00 that's right i'm counting on you jumbo

2. {v}10.00 on Georgia Southern +1050 to win {v}105.00

Week 3 (E) that's the first time either of us has ever said that

 Last Week (Oeuverall)

The Humanities Nerd: 5-4 (11-10)

The STEM Idiot: 6-3 (12-9)

This week's menu (do not eat lol):

slowdowntheremaestrothere'saNew Mexico (+1275) v TAMU (-28.5, -5000) (T:50.5)

Alabama (-16.5, -800) v Florida (Classic (joke you like)) (+525) (T:59)

Georgia Southern (+1050) v Arkansas (-23.5, -2500) (T:52.5)

Mississippi St. (-3.5, -170) v Memphis (+145) (T:63.5)

South Carolina (+3500) v Georgia (-31, -8500) (T:48.5)

Auburn (+190) v Penn St. (-6, -230) (T:53)

Central Michigan (+725) v LSU (-19.5, -1300) (T:60.5)

#AddTulane (+475) v Old Mist (-14, -700) (T:74)

Samford (-11, -445) v Vanderbilt (+330) (T:49)

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{v}{v}{v}

Lost Some Money: {v}735.00

Going to Lose Some Money: {v}1,100.00

Ok.

Boys it's week two

Pittsburgh (-3.5) at Tennessee: This should have been a pick 'em. They all should have been.

South Carolina (pick 'em) at East Carolina: Not this one though. South Carolina should win. I don't bet on games with Pirates, though. 

Florida (-28) at South Florida: Man I don't know.

UAB (+24.5) at Georgia: I BELIEVE that this is a very funny total.

TAMU at Colorado (+17): Oooh extremely tricky. I am saying that wacky Rocky Mountain elevation creates some weirdness. This is probably my least confident pick because I actually looked at it and convinced myself I was wrong either way. No way I'd bet on this. 

Texas (-6.5) at Arkansas: Almost ready to make this my Lock of the Week. 

North Carolina State (-2.5) at Missississississippi State: I wonder if Leach will make it long enough to get His Guys in.

Missouri at Kentucky (-5): I don't think Missouri is very good. 

Vanderbilt (+7) at Colorado State: Yikes!!

{v}{v}{v}{v}{v}{v}{v}{v}{v}{v}

Starting with {v}1,216.67

Gimme {v}55 on Pittsburgh-Tennessee going under 56 points, to win {v}50

Gimme {v}110 on NC State-Mississippi State going over 55 points, to win {v}100

Gimme {v}316.67 on Texas (-230) to beat Arkansas, to win {v}137.68

Tha Captainz Week 2 Pix: Feeling Pudgy

Mixin it up.

Tennessee +3.5

South Carolina

South Florida +28

UAB +24.5

Colorado +17

Texas -6.5

Mississippi St. +2.5

Kentucky -5

Vanderbilt +7

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{v}{v}{v}

1. {v}1,000.00 on Georgia (-4000) to win {v}25.00. 

This is known as "The Coward's Gambit."

SARS-Cov-Week-2

 A Valued Participant in the 2021 SEC Pick Off: 6-6

A Less Valued Participant in the 2021 SEC Pick Off: 6-6

________________________________________________________

Pittsburgh (-3.5) (-170) at Tennessee (+150) (T:56)

South Carolina (pick 'em) (-110) at East Carolina (-110) (T:58)

Florida (-28) (-7000) at South Florida (+2000) (T:58)

UAB (+1500) at Georgia (-24.5) (-4000) (T:46)

TAMU (-17) (-900) at Colorado (+600) (T:51)

Texas (-6.5) (-230) at Arkansas (+195) (T:57)

North Carolina State (-2.5) (-140) at Missississississippi State (+120) (T:55)

Missouri (+180)  at Kentucky (-5) (-210) (T:56.5)

Vanderbilt (+205) at Colorado State (-7) (-245) (T:51)

________________________________________________________

A winner is you: {v}1,075

And also with you: {v}1,216.67

My Getting-Pumped-For-Football-Season Song

CEO, entrepreneur Born in 1964 Jeffrey Jeffrey Bezos CEO, entrepreneur Born in 1964 Jeffrey Jeffrey Bezos Come on, Jeffrey, you can do it Pave the way, put your back into it Tell us why, show us how Look at where you came from, look at you now Zuckerberg and Gates and Buffett Amateurs, can fucking suck it Fuck their wives, drink their blood Come on, Jeff, get 'em!

Boys, it's Week One

It's good to be back, for the last football season ever. Auburn has a Big Dumb Meathead coach who is converting all our boys to Scientology, Alabama is the best team of all time, and if Alabama loses it will probably be because Georgia wins the national title. I hope the Yellowstone Caldera explodes.

Bowling Green (+35.5) v Tennessee: Sure

UL Monroe (-31) v Kentucky: Sure

Rice v Arkansas (-19.5): Piggies

Miami v Alabama (-19.5): I'd have taken Alabama to cover at -27.

LA Tech (+23.5) v Mississippi St.: Lot of these early lines seem high to me. 

Central Michigan v Missouri (-13.5): Who cares

Akon (+37) v Auburn: I'd be excited to be wrong but think this will be a gruesome grind, 31-7 or something awful like that.

Georgia v Clemson (-3): Georgia has more talent, but I think Dabo is a better coach.

Florida Atlantic v Florida Classic (-23.5): Eff, aye you!

Kent Read v TAMU (-28.5): This and my Florida pick are based on these coaches both being kind of dicks who will run up the score. No idea if this is correct in history.

LSU (-3) v UCLA: I don't know a lot of things, but one thing I know is that this shouldn't be called the acronym bowl and certainly not AB

Louisville v Old Mist (-10.5): I don't know. This seems wrong already. 

{v}{v}{v} THE NICE BOOKIE {v}{v}{v}

I discovered you can look up bet outcomes on betting odds calculators. Isn't the internet amazing?

I'm betting {v}500 on Alabama (-1200) to beat Miami, to win {v}41.67

I'm betting {v}300 on Old Mist (-400) to beat Louis Ville, to win {v}75

I'm betting {v}110 on Bowling Green covering (+35.5) against Tennessee, to win {v}100

Tha Captainz Week 1 Picks: This is absolutely my top priority right now

 I probably won't pick all favorites every week but also I might.

Tennessee -35.5

Kentucky -31

Arkansas -19.5

Alabama -19.5

Mississippi St. -23.5

Mizzou -13.5

Auburn -37

Clemson -3

Florida -23.5

TAMU -28.5

LSU -3

Old Mist -10.5

{v}{v}{v}

1. {v}900.00 on Alabama to win at -1200. Wins {v}75.00.

yaaaay

History: Queen of the Social Studies

By popular demand...

2016

Charles: 50-45-2 (51.55%)

Tha Captain: 44-51-2 (45.36%)

2017

Charles: 49-46-3 (50.00%)

TC: 45-50-3 (45.29%)

2018

Charles: 48-48-0 (50.00%) $299.70

TC: 52-44-0 (54.17%) $1,326.95

2019

Charles: 50-44-3 (51.55%) $1,698.00

TC: 50-44-3 (51.55%) $1,768.53

Tiebreaker! Not looking up who won. Probably you.

2020

Charles: 39-26-0 (60.00%) {v}139.36

TC: 33-32-0 (50.77%) {v}569.81

All Time

Charles: 236-209-8 (52.10%)

TC: 224-221-8 (49.45%)

Wagering $1.10 to Win $1.00 On Each of the 453 Games

Charles: Up $6.10

TC: Down $19.10

Week 1: Wretched, Wretched Stuff

It's called a pick off because if I could pick, I would tell it to piss off. Also, if any of these lines look weird, it's because I wasn't very careful in gathering them or typing them into this awful website. The uncertainty is part of the fun.

The first game is Thursday, so I guess let's get em done by Thursday at 5 pm.

Bowling Green (+7000) v Tennessee(-35.5)(-18500) (T:61)

UL Monroe (+3250) v Kentucky (-31)(-7500) (T:54.5)

Rice (+725) v Arkansas (-19.5)(-1300) (T:50)

Miami (+700) v Alabama (-19.5)(-1200) (T:61 and no that's not just for alabama lol)

LA Tech (+1050) v Mississippi St. (-23.5)(-2500) (T:52.5)

Central Michigan (+425) v Missouri (-13.5)(-650) (T:60.5)

Akon (+10000) v Auburn (-37)(-30000) (T:55) Without looking at the matchups, it's weird that Auburn would be biggest favorite this week. But I guess Akron is very bad.

Georgia (+140) v Clemson (-3)(-160) (T:51)

Florida Atlantic (+1075) v Florida Classic (-23.5)(-2600) (T:52)

Kent Read Kent Write Kent State (+2875) v TAMU (-28.5)(-6500) (T:67.5)

LSU (-3)(-160) v UCLA (+140) (T:65.5) this should be called the acronym bowl, or the AB. It could be presented by AFLAC. Or NAMBLA.

Louisville (+300) v Old Mist (-10.5)(-400) (T:75.5)

{v}{v}{v} THE NICE BOOKIE {v}{v}{v}

*To the tune of "Some Sorta Casserole" which is a song you are not familiar with* One Thousand COVIDBUX

We each start with {v}1000 and we have to be 25% every week. Other than that, just have fun with it! I know I will!