Wednesday, November 30, 2016


Last week's results:

Captain: 3-6
Charles: 4-5

Final results:

Capz: 44-51-2
Chaz: 50-45-2

truly, you are the SEC TURD

Wednesday, November 23, 2016

*to the tune of here come the men in black* nationwide is on your side

what a ride this season has been. truly a ride.

once more unto the breach, dear friends.

LSU -5 still don't know about where futureTAMU went to college or if she even did

Arkansas -9.5 "it aint Ar-kansas, baby... its arkanSAW" "D-Mac got that woood!" ahh 2007 seems like a lifetime ago

Georgia -4.5 ya gotta dance with the lady what brung ya

Kentucky +25.5 ya gotta dance with the lady what brung ya

Alabama -17 there are three possibilities for how this game will go: 1) Alabama will win by a lot 2) Alabama will win in a soul crushingly close finish 3) something else

Old Mist -7.5 I don't even think about typing or saying old mist anymore.

South Carolina +23.5 ya gotta dance with the lady what brung ya

Tennessee -7.5 yeehaw

Florida +6.5 Jim McElwain: maybe he should McEl less.

EDITED: I posted this quickly so I could look at your picks. Now I am going back to put comments but I am not changing the picks. that is not tha captainz way.

Tuesday, November 22, 2016

it's the most wonderful picks of the year

My fondest wish? A tie, dear readers.

LSU (-5) Texas A&M is a team getting worse, LSU is still hoping for Coach Oh to get the stupid job. The line has moved a bit on this game since I posted it.

Arkansas (-9.5) I picked against Arkansas last week, mistake (miss steak)

Georgia Tech (+4.5) Option I guess?

Kentucky (+25.5) Louisville is sad, Kentucky is bad, who to pick? Going with the gut (bacteria).

Auburn (+17) thanks to the magic of the Captain's proprietary data, this is one pick I can be sure I'll miss! Alabama will definitely win this by 18 points.

Old Mist (-7.5) I picked in favor of Mississippi State last week, mistake (missed take)

South Carolina (+23.5) CLICK CLACK

Tennessee (-7.5) Playing for the sugar bowl, babee

Florida State (-6.5) did Florida State get another rapist quarterback?

top secret proprietary data

do not tell anyone this secret information.

ATS this year:

Auburn: 7-3
Kentucky: 7-3
Tide: 6-3-1
Vandy: 6-4
Arkansas: 5-5
UGA: 5-5
Old Mist: 5-5
SCar: 5-5
LSU: 4-5 (dnp the game against south Alabama)
TAMU: 4-5-1
Florida: 4-6 (dnp the game against Presbyterian but that would not have had a line)
MSU: 3-6-1
Mizzou: 3-7
Tenn: 3-7

use this as you see fit. please destroy this message.

Monday, November 21, 2016

whatever week this is

I am holding on tight to a five game lead, but a giant betting lineup this week threatens my chances.

CAPZ 4-2 (41-45-2)
CHUGZ 2-4 (46-40-2)

LSU (-5) at TAMU
Arkansas (-9.5) at Missouri
Georgia Tech at Georgia (-4.5)
Kentucky at Louisville (-25.5)
Auburn at Alabama (-17)
Mississippi St at Old Mist (-7.5)
South Carolina at Clemson (-23.5)
Tennessee (-7.5) at Vanderbilt
Florida at Florida State (-6.5)

Thursday, November 17, 2016

*to the tune of here come the men in black* here come the men in black

without father adieu, here are my picks!

Georgia -22.5 not looking it up to see if ul Lafayette is any good at all. doesn't matter, Georgia almost lost to Nichols state but also beats auburn every year except under extraordinary circumstances.

TAMU -27.5 I have no idea and I don't care

Florida +13.5 but not winning.

Tennessee -16 vols gonna look really good against mizzou and vandy and be super hyped to get skulled 56-6 by Alabama in the seccg

Arkansas +1.5 this is a weird line in my idiot opinion

Vanderbilt +10 why do I think this game will be close? the answer is, of course, that I'm very very dumb


A seven game lead is nothing in this world. That's just me doing bad two weeks in a row and caps doing good. I won't count these chickens before they're hatched. The only thing I'm sure of is that Alabama would cover any hypothetical line against Chattanooga or whoever they're playing.

UL-Lafayette (+22.5) Georgia is so bad, they barely beat Auburn

UTSA (+27.5) I guess

LSU (-13.5) Florida can't get to 14, so LSU will cover

Missouri (+16) God bless expansion, we would never have this 16 point spread in a late-season conference game involving Missouri for some reason otherwise

Mississippi St. (-1.5) Why not

Old Mist (-10) You can throw out the records when these two bastions of white supremacy line up on the gridiron

what a terrible lineup

Wednesday, November 16, 2016

durrr durrr durrr i'm tha captain i'm a idiot

Captain Idiot: 2 - 5 (37-43-2)
The Chuckwagon: 6 - 1 (44-36-2) breathtaking

alright well here are some more

UL-Lafayette at Georgia (-22.5)
UTSA at TAMU (-27.5)
Florida at LSU (-13.5)
Missouri at Tennessee (-16)
Arkansas at Mississippi St. (-1.5)
Old Mist (-10) at Vanderbilt

throwing out the 4 games against 1AA teams. this is not a handsome line up.

how do you plan to celebrate your victory besides also beating me in the damn bowl pick them?

Thursday, November 10, 2016

it's time for picks, proud

Georgia (+10.5) Auburn wins but I don't think that they cover in Athens, hotbed of dickery, with a whole team that's all taking horse tranquilizers just to sleep at night

South Carolina (-11.5) I can easily imagine this being the least watchable game on any channel at any time

Kentucky (+13.5) Tennessee seems like a team on decline, but they've got a lot to play for, too. I think Tennessee by ten sounds about right.

Alabama (-30) Absolutely no doubt, I don't even look at the line or the team opposing Nick's Juggernauts anymore

Missouri (-3.5) Vandy is going to have a kind of hangover situation with the close loss to Auburn. Or probably not, probably they win.


Ole Must (+10.5) This line seems high for Trevor Knight to have exploded all his ligaments

*to the tune of here come the men in black* here comes a fascist prez

I'm really smart and good at picking

Georgia +10.5 the political pollsters must have come up with this line am I right

South Carolina +11.5 seems like it will be ugly

Tennessee -13.5 this is probably wrong

Alabama -30 that is a lot of points. Alabama will knock Mississippi state out in the first few minutes, balance a piece of plywood on state's chest, and then slowly and meticulously pile rocks on top of it for 50 minutes. 30 points is a lot of rocks I think but I'm a dumb idiot. also it isn't really that many rocks/points I guess. who cares

Vanderbilt +3.5 no idea!

Arkansas +7 probably wrong again. momentum? I guess

TAMU -10.5 maybe they'll be angry? old mist is all used up.

Wednesday, November 09, 2016

time to .... pick

Way to go, capt. I believe 5-2 matches the previous best rate (also 5-2) this year. I hope we tie, and then the sun explodes.

The very captain: 5-2 (35-38-2)
the big C that's not cancer: 3-4 (38-35-2)

Auburn (-10.5) at Georgia
South Carolina at Florida (-11.5)
Kentucky at Tennessee (-13.5)
Mississippi State at Alabama (-30)
Vanderbilt at Missouri (-3.5)
LSU (-7) at Arkansas
Old Mist at TAMU (-10.5)

Thursday, November 03, 2016

*to the tune of ok you know the rest

Georgia Southern +27.5 walt you suck. i still think of the 'gles as a 1AA team so i was surprised at first to see a line but then i remembered. i remembered how much of a tool walt is.

Vanderbilt +26 hell they might even win the damn game

TAMU -13.5 looking forward to not being able to tell which team is which again

Arkansas +5.5 i can't remember arkansas being blown out this season so i'm pretty sure they'll keep this one tight

Missouri +7 south carolina's 4 wins have been by 3, 5, 6, and 3 points. that's what the boys down at the sports factory call a "stat."

Georgia +2 kentucky is not going to a bowl. also georgia will beat auburn.

Alabama -7.5 bad stuff goin'a happen

week rude ten

Georgia Southern (+27.5) I'm a little upset that there's a line on this game. Expecting a 42-21 kind of score.
Auburn (-26) believe!
TAMU (-13.5) I feel good about TAMU's chances. They're gonna be focused, because of the playoff thing.
Florida (-5.5) I expected this line to be like three points higher, but I am not a clever man
South Carolina (-7) Missouri is collapsing, right? That's the only sure thing I feel like I know about the East, which means inevitably the Tigers win this by 17.
Kentucky (+2) But not winning! 21-20, UGA, that's a guess. Well. I don't know. I hope they cancel this game.
Alabama (-7.5 but does it matter) c'mon man

Wednesday, November 02, 2016

week ten you're going to win

last week:
the c(r)ap: 3-2 (30-36-2)
tha cha(m)p: 4-1 (35-31-2)

Georgia Southern at Old Mist (-27.5)
Vanderbilt at Auburn (-26)
TAMU (-13.5) at Mississippi State
Florida (-5.5) at Arkansas
Missouri at South Carolina (-7)
Georgia (-2) at Kentucky
Alabama (-7.5 but does it matter) at LSU