Wednesday, September 30, 2009

I'm not a weirdo.

Fourth downs

Here’s a thought exercise for you. Imagine that for decades no one ever thought of the punt. Teams knew nothing else than to run or pass on 4th down. And then one day it’s invented. Some guy comes up to a coach and says, “Kick the ball on every 4th down and the other team gets possession 37 yards further down the field.” The coach would think he was crazy: “Wait, you want me to give up one quarter of my opportunities for a first down on every series…just for 35 yards of field position? Do you realize how much that’s going to kill our chances of scoring?”

And that coach would be absolutely right. It’s funny how boxed in our thinking can be. Except for the most desperate of circumstances or with inches to go just outside of field-goal range, today’s N.F.L. coaches will choose to punt.

Every single serious study of 4th-down decisions has found that, in most situations, teams would be better off by going for the conversion attempt rather than kicking. I’ve recently completed a study of 4th-down decisions that confirms what some fans already know, that it pays to be more aggressive. Those short on time might want to skip ahead to the bottom line.

Ukraine does got talent!

Friday, September 25, 2009

Ohio is a piano

Exactly as it sounds.

Thursday, September 24, 2009

whar we at

Well, there's whar we at.

1. Chelsea - So far, so perfect. However, the annoying habit of conceding the first goal (all three of their goals allowed have been openers) could come back to bite them. And by that I mean they maybe don't win a game at some point. Still looking like a good bet for the title, as long as the African exodus to the Cup of Nations that will occur around the new year doesn't fuck them up.

2. Manchester United - Apparently nobody wins at Burnley, so the loss is excused. Have looked really shaky at times, but nigh-unbeatable at others.

3. Liverpool - Lucas Leiva is no Xabi Alonso, you can put that on my tombstone. Pizza. And write it in jalapenos. That would be delicious.

4. Manchester City - They might actually break the top four after all.

5. Aston Villa - Who loses at home to Wigan? Losers, that's who.

6. Tottenham Hotspur - Oh, you tease. Might be the fourth or fifth best team but will flop around enough to slip into mid table.

7. Arsenal - Fags.

8. Sunderland - They're not really this good. But they shouldn't slip much lower.

9. Burnley - Adorable, simply adorable. Still might get relegated if they can't keep winning these ridiculously unwinnable home games.

10. Stoke City - Hacking, long-balling, and homefieldadvantaging their way to another season of safety. Not pretty, but neither was that ugly guy who always got shit done. Whatever his name was.


12. Wolverhampton Wanderers - I thought they would be safe and the results look pretty good so far, but I wouldn't hold out much hope, Black Country hicks.

13. Everton - They'll pick it up.

14. Fulham - Dittoz

15. Wigan Athletic - Probably going to hover about here.

16. West Ham - Can't be this bad.

17. Bolton Wanderers - Might be this bad.

18. Blackburn Rovers - Big Sam is a good manager. They'll be safe but not too safe.

19. Hull City - They're not good.

20. Portsmouth - If the last minute signings can figure out how to not suck, they might actually not finish 20th.

I'm already chief of my tribe.


why yes I would like to watch a grizzly bear in Montana learn how to swim

Wednesday, September 23, 2009


I hope I get to shut a guy down this hard some day.

Monday, September 21, 2009

Splitter 2

A very fun physics-engine-type game here.

I couldn't beat levels 18 or 31 on my own.

Saturday, September 19, 2009

This totally happened yesterday.

Lee Ziemba trips walking up the stairs in front of the library, his wallet drops out of his pants. He doesn't notice.

Me: You dropped your wallet, dude.

I pick up his wallet and the approximately 25 dollars that fell out. I hand it to him.

Lee Ziemba: Thanks, man.

Websites launching

Google looked good, if a little silly with the font.

Remember when it was "The Facebook"?

How 20 popular websites looked when they launched

Friday, September 18, 2009

Thursday, September 17, 2009

3E Presents: Catchphrase Friday

You want to be the coolest cat on the block? You've got to have a catchphrase! With the weekend coming up, 3E is here to help. Whenever somebody offers you a drink, or asks if you're ready for an appetizer, just ask for a little extra:

"Yeah, load it up with some of that Tijuana Iguana."

and, optionally:

"Cause that shit makes you change colors, you know what I'm saying?"

Be the coolest guy around this Friday, 'cause it's Catchphrase Friday.

Grad School Nonfiction

The mountain was steep, but Spiderman was up to the task. Scrambling nimbly over rock and thorn, the web-slinger slowly approached the peak. But what's this? Herpes! Bummer, thought Spiderman. That shit doesn't go away. No sense in delaying the inevitable being the primary thought in his mind, Spidey plowed on through. Oh man, that itches and burns. But got to get to the top of this mountain! I've got to save the princess! Upon reaching the peak, he saved the princess. Spidey's not one to kiss and tell but rumor is she's got the Herp too! Oh, that Spiderman. Is there anything he won't fuck? Later that day, Spiderman went to Kroger. He needed some coldbeers for the weekend's festivities. A crawfish boil is just the thing to put my mind at ease, he thought. So he bought some crawfish too. Also spices. On his way home Spiderman noticed his hair doing something weird in the back kinda flippin out probably the rain he thought. Back on the mountain Spiderman has to save another princess! Oh man these stupid twats always getting captured by the mountain. Dutifully Spidey saved her stupid ass and gave her Herpes too. Later on at the crawfish boil Spiderman ate crawfish by himself. I'm so lonely, he yelled into the indifferent night sky. Spiderman is a bit of a messy eater and several crawfish shells were left laying around in his apartment floor. Little did the S-Man realize that the roaches would learn to use them as exoskeletons! Now, he's got a real situation on his hands! At this point Spiderman realized that he hadn't been playing music on his computer while he wrote some things and he turned it on. What a forgetful freddy I am, he laughed to himself. Other thoughts inside his head: I wonder how long this will be on a blog if I were to write it there. NOT ANOTHER PRINCESS! Yes, another princess, Spidey! Back up the mountain. What a day! Ready for it all to be over, Spiderman drove to the lake, tied cinder blocks to his feet, climbed over the railing on the pier, and shot himself in the head as he fell into the water. Not even he could fuck that up! At the bottom of the lake a big ol' catfish began to eat Spiderman's flesh. Circle of life, thought the catfish. What the catfish didn't realize was that by eating Spiderman's flesh, he took on his powers (and his Herpes)! Attention Catfish Spiderman: Only you can defeat the roaches with crawfish exoskeletons who live on the top of Herpes Mountain. Catfish Spiderman always answers the call. The battle raged day and night. For three weeks, the sky was gray with fright and the ground ran red with blood. But you know how this has to end. Catfish Spiderman standing exhausted and near death atop a pile of ruined crawfish carapaces, his broadsword wet with their shimmering blood. He raises it into the air and howls a cry of victory so loud that it's just really fucking loud. And then lightning strikes the sword! Catfish Spidey explodes and the hungry wolves devour his flesh. Fortunately, being an osmotic process, the powers of Catfish Spiderman don't transfer to the mean wolves. But the Herpes did! Jokes on you, you fuckin wolves!

Cheese or font?

It's harder than it sounds.

Wednesday, September 16, 2009

This is a good idea

Victor: Street signs. Look for street signs.

Me: Haven’t seen any. Feels like I’m on a highway now. Ask me what my great idea is.

Victor: No.

Me: GPS for Stupid People.

Victor: *

Me: I’m totally serious. Because I’m no good with directions but I’m really good with landmarks so if you tell me to go “North on Main” I’m fucked but if you say “Turn at that Burger King that burned down last year” I totally know what to do so we should build a GPS system that does that.

Victor: *sigh*

Me: And here’s the genius part: we make it able to learn so it adapts to you personally. So like if I say “Huh. There’s a homeless guy masturbating” it’ll put that in it’s data-banks and then when I want to go somewhere later, instead of just naming random streets it’s all “You know where that homeless guy was masturbating? We’re going there. Turn left at that Sonic you like. Turn right at the burrito place you took Sarah to that time she was dressed all slutty. Yield at the place you gave that guy a hand job.”
the rest


Crowd plus emergency equals mass panic, or so urban myths and Hollywood films would have us believe. The reality, recognised by social psychology for some time, is that people in crowds often behave in remarkably cooperative and selfless ways. A new study by John Drury and colleagues suggests that this kind of collaborative behaviour emerges when people in a crowd acquire a shared identity. And contrary to the "mass panic" perspective, an emergency can be the very catalyst that brings people together.
If you've ever been on an underground train that gets stranded mid-tunnel, or on an aeroplane that's overstayed its welcome on a runway, you might have glimpsed a mild version of this feeling of a shared fate. With the temperature rising and information lacking, you and your fellow passengers stop feeling like strangers and start to feel united in your predicament.
Emergencies inspire crowd cooperation, not panic

Tuesday, September 15, 2009

Don't read the subtitles. Just let it wash over you, unthinking

Just throwing this out there

There are literally thousands, if not tens of thousands, of people who, if they had been head coach of the University of Virginia football team since the 2001 season, would have that program in a better place right now than Al Groh does. In addition to virtually all living and retired head coaches from the formerly 1-A college level, there are dozens of lower-level college coaches and hundreds of high school coaches who could do a better job. There are dozens or hundreds of professional coaches, semi-professional coaches, and still active players who could do a better job. There are thousands of coaches in other sports, sports fans, middle managers, gym teachers, advertising executives, and others who could have learned enough in nine years of coaching to be a better coach, today, than Al Groh is.

Sunday, September 13, 2009

49 points!

offensive touchdowns last night: six
total offensive touchdowns in eight SEC games last year: seven

weekend menu: retrospect

after 5 hours of eating, it still looked like this(but less sideways):

Saturday, September 12, 2009

Super Mario Text Generator

(click the picture if it doesn't change)


Friday, September 11, 2009

Eating my peppers

What sort of creature eats hot peppers straight off the plant? Some sort of angry, spicy caterpillar? Why would they do that to me?

Fortunately, hot pepper plants produce way more than a single family can eat, so we've got plenty of extras. But it's still vexing. Vexing, I tell you.

"Go run for mayor somewhere else"

I wish somebody in Congress had done that during Obama's healthcare speech. That would have been awesome.

Mayor Konop handled that about as well as possible, I think.

Thursday, September 10, 2009

The Offspring

I used to be into punk, and man, when Smash came out, my brother bought it, and I was so into The Offspring. Then a few years later, Americana came out. Then I learned about disappointment, although I got over it pretty quick and even kind of like "The Kids Aren't Alright."

Tuesday, September 08, 2009

I would watch a Muppets remake of The Royal Tenenbaums

Obama's speech to the kiddies

I don't really get the vehement opposition, but I too am opposed to Barack Obama's planned speech to The Children today. I cannot seriously believe that the President of the United States has nothing better to do than tell a bunch of nosepickers to try hard in school and eat their vegetables.

This is just another bogus public relations stunt. Presidents before did them, presidents after will do them, and this president does them. If I had a school-age child, I certainly wouldn't pull them out of school or anything like that, but we would make fun of the address together at the dinner table tonight.

Monday, September 07, 2009

Cincinnati is weird

James Orr put an immediate halt to his criminal trial Wednesday when he squeezed the contents of his colostomy bag onto the table in front of him and ate it.

He looks like he would.


Can you do that?

Saturday, September 05, 2009


Play it, players. Plus: very easy to learn the controls.

Thursday, September 03, 2009

Wait, what?

We have two pizza themed bowl games now? Even I think that's a bit much.

I thought Little Caesars was out of business for something like a decade, although I was wrong (and now there's proof!).

Toe Meets Leather

Gather yourself and take one last deep breath.

Footballpocalypse: South Carolina at NC State

Do you like interceptions? We here at 3E sure do. That's why we'll have our telly's locked on tonight's opener. We can only hope for more of the same and even with only one of these fairlyawful quarterbacks likely to play, it's still a hope you can count on:

Wednesday, September 02, 2009

Norm on Conan

Movies I Desperately Need.

Whenever you say "house," say it like this guy.

Tuesday, September 01, 2009

Yeti lives in Poland

Does "Polish Yeti Caught Spying On Bikini Girl" sound like a rejected USA Up All Night feature?