Saturday, December 31, 2016

special "better late than never" edition

For you to win the W/L portion of the pick them, each of the following teams must win:

Georgia Tech

For you to win the confidence portion as well, each of the following teams must win:

Georgia Tech

AND at least 1 of the following teams must win:


Got it. Here's the 'board going into the new years eve games.

Friday, December 30, 2016

special "this boat is not big enough, we need a bigger one (bc of the shark)" edition

i have all 256 possible permutations for the next two days so no more projected scores after this, just raw data

Tuesday, December 27, 2016

Thursday, December 22, 2016

special "good night" edition

I hope everyone had a good day.

we both lost bigly but you lost slightly biglier

suck it up and pick it up have been reset to 50% and 75% respectively

special "good morning" edition

I hope we're having a great day.

points/pointswagered, % won
keep it up, suck it up (now 60%), pick it up (now 85%), max score

still close... but "black friday" looms...

Wednesday, December 21, 2016

special surgery prep edition

points/points wagered , % won
keep it up, win 50% of remaining points, win 80% of remaining points, win 100% of remaining points (max score)

Sunday, December 18, 2016

and they're off!!

score board classic

the new score board (points/pointswagered, percent, the "keep it up" score (what you'll get if you "keep it up" by which i mean keep winning confidence points at your current rate), maximum possible score)


Thursday, December 15, 2016

if this post had an astrological sign it would be crises ha ha



Saturday, December 17th:
Las Vegas Bowl - Houston (11) / San Diego St. (16)
New Orleans Bowl - Southern Mist (27) / UL-Lafayette (14)

Friday, December 23rd:
Bahamas Bowl - Eastern Michigan (13) / Old Dominion (23)
Armed Forces Bowl - Louisiana Tech (24) / Navy (17)
Dollar General Bowl - Ohio (14) / Troy (22)

Saturday, December 24th:
Hawaii Bowl - Hawaii (12) / MTSU (9)

Tuesday, December 27th:
Heart of Dallas Bowl - Army (32) / North Texas (18)

Wednesday, December 28th:
Texas Bowl - TAMU (20) / Kansas St. (4)

Thursday, December 29th:
Alamo Bowl - Colorado (19) / Oklahoma St. (10)

Friday, December 30th:
Liberty Bowl - TCU (23) / Georgia (36)

Saturday, December 31st:
Taxslayer Bowl - Georgia Tech (6) / Kentucky (8)

Monday, January 2nd:
Outback Bowl - Florida (8) / Iowa (2)
Sugar Bowl - Auburn (10) / Oklahoma (39)




(32) New Mexico / UTSA
lobos are not coyotes so they have shot, right

(16) San Diego St. / Houston
Can't think of San Diego without thinking of Anchorman and all the classic quotes "hello I'm don burgundy" and "welcome to the news."

(21) Appalachian St. / Toledo
that guy with the sign. i hope he comes back and we see the sign on tv. Toledo seems like an awful place to live. I hope Toledo gets ahead and appy comes back so I can call them "blow-lead-o"

(24) UCF / Arkansas St.
now ucf now you don't. ha ha.

(14) UL-Lafayette / Southern Mist
which sounds more refreshing, old mist or southern mist

(38) Tulsa / Central Michigan
tulsa the city seems terrible, all the moreso because my cousin knew this heinous girl named tulsa

(11) Western Kentucky / Memphis
quitting my job so i can watch this and also every other game

(19) BYU / Wyoming
"I love this lamp" "thank you that concludes the newscast" just too many good quotes

(37) Colorado St. / Idaho
 that's a big number i have in front of this

(23) Old Dominion / Eastern Michigan
going to start the rumor that eric harris was an old dominion fan and dylan klebold was an eastern michigan fan and they did columbine because they thought they would never see their beloved football teams go toe to toe in their favorite tropical archipelago that we all know and love as the Bahamas

(17) Navy / Louisiana Tech
don't know why i picked navy. i guess bc jessica's car has a retired navy license plate so a bunch of elderly sailors are always saluting us.

(22) Troy / Ohio
troy is the most dollar general team

(9) Middle Tennessee / Hawaii
tolkien's magical fantasy setting of middle tennessee

(33) Mississippi St. / Miami (OH)
 everybody loves a trip to busch gardens

(3) Boston College / Maryland
this was a better rivalry than texas/tamu or kansas/missouri. glad these old sparring partners are getting back together in the motor city.

(15) NC State / Vanderbilt
 who's ready for some game theory or whatever

(18) North Texas / Army
bad pick

(34) Temple / Wank Forest
the best thing about the military? the troops, baby

(6) Washington St. / Minnesota
"that got out of hand in a hurry" "this scotch is fantastic" I could go on and on

(7) Boise St. / Baylor
chop open a cactus to drink the life saving water within *record scratch* that's actually a myth perpetrated by cartoons and also a book i had when i was a kid

(29) Pittsburgh / Northwestern
to whom the hell did pitt lose this year? they beat the only good acc team they played. the answer is va tech, miami, unc, and oklahoma state whom i forgot they played. 

(5) West Virginia / Miami (FL)
i labored over this pick, labored like a common laborer

(30) Utah / Indiana
 is this in san francisco, i want to go to san francisco

(4) Kansas St. / Texas A+M
this is wrong

(35) USF / South Carolina
remember when pitt played in the bham bowl like 4 straight times under 3 or 4 different coaches. that was funny as hell. now muschamp has been there 3 straight years with 3 different teams. that's less funny than hell because auburn was involved

(28) Virginia Tech / Arkansas
time to "belk" up with the belk bowl

(10) Oklahoma St. / Colorado
this could be fun i guess. soapy loofa and the buffs vs a big mullet man. 

(36) Georgia / TCU
there was a red white and blue beanie baby bear and his name was li-bear-ty.

(31) Samford / North Carolina
not actually samford

(1) Nebraska / Tennessee
how the hell do you pick any tennessee game

(25) Air Force / South Alabama
 Air Force should be called Airfy or something

(27) Michigan / Florida
jim hard balls vs jim macklewang

(26) LSU / Louisville
heisman curse

(8) Kentucky / Georgia Tech
dumb pick

(40) Alabama / Warshington
 maybe washington will win

(13) A Ohio St. / Clemson
 congratulations on two great seasons, dickbags

(2) Iowa / Florida
everybody loves a trip to busch gardens

(20) Wisconsin / Western Michigan
very hard to write 40 things

(12) USC / Penn St.
pun state. ha ha

(39) Oklahoma / Auburn
should have been georgia

(to the tune of "Con te partirĂ²"): Time to .... picks some bowls

Gildan New Mexico Bowl
Albuquerque, N.M., Dec. 17
New Mexico (-7) vs. UTSA

Wow, there are a lot of bowls.

Confidence ranking: 22

Las Vegas Bowl
Las Vegas, Dec. 17
Houston (-3) vs. San Diego State

Houston lost a coach! I tend to think that players try to impress a new coach, and there's not going to be a lot of transition difficulty with an internal promotion.

My pick: HOUSTON
Confidence ranking: 11

Camellia Bowl
Montgomery, Ala., Dec. 17
Appalachian State vs. Toledo (-1)

I mean, sure? I saw Appalachian State play in this bowl game last year, and it was quite a hoot.

Confidence ranking: 1

Cure Bowl
Orlando, Dec. 17
UCF (-6) vs. Arkansas State

Tough to take this game seriously. I think some home field advantage will be the difference, but maybe not? A person gambling on this game would have to be a real degenerate.

My pick: UCF
Confidence ranking: 21

New Orleans Bowl
New Orleans, Dec. 17
Southern Mississippi (-3.5) vs. UL Lafayette

I wouldn't say that I've always liked Southern Miss, but I like them more than I like several teams. You Laugh is improving, but Southern Miss returns their starting quarterback. I actually did research on this game, and that why I will get this pick wrong.

My pick: SOU MISS
Confidence ranking: 27

Miami Beach Bowl
Miami, Dec. 19
Central Michigan vs. Tulsa (-11.5)

I saw Central Michigan on replay several times during the botched ending of their win over Oklahoma State. Frankly, what I watched didn't impress me. Did you know that Tulsa has the #6 offense? I didn't!

My pick: TULSA
Confidence ranking: 36

Boca Raton Bowl
Boca Raton, Fla., Dec. 20
Memphis vs. Western Kentucky (-5)

Western Kentucky lost their coach, and I think that I have asserted before my theory that players want to impress a potential new coach. I still don't feel terribly confident about this game, but I do guarantee one thing: it will be a WacKY game!

Confidence ranking: 28

Poinsettia Bowl 
San Diego, Dec. 21
BYU (-8.5) vs. Wyoming

Normally, when the starting quarterback gets hurt at the end of the season, you pick against that team, but BYU had this happen last year and had good results. BYU has Big Mo(mentum) on their side.

My pick: BYU
Confidence ranking: 34

Potato Bowl
Boise, Idaho, Dec. 22
Idaho vs. Colorado State (-13.5)


My pick: Colorado State
Confidence ranking: 39

Bahamas Bowl
Nassau, Bahamas, Dec. 23
Eastern Michigan vs. Old Dominion (-3.5)

Bahamas mon! Old Dominion is 9-3, but against a schedule that would embarrass your fair Captain on Dynasty Mode.

Confidence ranking: 13

Armed Forces Bowl
Fort Worth, Texas, Dec. 23
Louisiana Tech vs. Navy (n/a)

Two teams riding losing streaks meet up in a game featuring institutions which helped win WWII. Scientists at NASA have confirmed that Tim Rattay is still coaching at La Tech.

My pick: LA TECH
Confidence ranking: 24

Dollar General Bowl
Mobile, Ala., Dec. 23
Ohio vs. Troy (-4)

Dolla dolla genrul y'all! That's the slogan I pitched Dollar General; it did not go well. Troy didn't beat Georgia Southern, which is all I want to see Walt sad.

My pick: OHIO
Confidence ranking: 14

Hawai'i Bowl
Honolulu, Dec. 24
Hawaii vs. Middle Tennessee (n/a)

Home field (or should I say ho field) advantage carries the day. Flying to Hawaii to play around in the water is distracting for a kid living in Murphfreezeborough Tennessee.

My pick: HAWAII
Confidence ranking: 12

St. Petersburg Bowl
St. Petersburg, Fla., Dec. 26
Miami (Ohio) vs. Mississippi State (-13)

Thirteen points seems like a big margin, but the outcome seems assured. Ned Starkville seems like a thing, right?

Confidence ranking: 25

Quick Lane Bowl
Detroit, Dec. 26
Maryland (-1.5) vs. Boston College

Former ACC foes match up once again! BC has been smashed by every decent team they played, but fortunately they're playing Maryland. Did you know Maryland's coach is actually named D J Durkin? I cannot stand it.

My pick: BC
Confidence ranking: 2

Camping World Independence Bowl
Shreveport, La., Dec. 26
NC State (-4) vs. Vanderbilt

Dave Durrrrren

My pick: NC STATE
Confidence ranking: 35

Zaxby's Heart of Dallas Bowl
Dallas, Dec. 27
Army vs. North Texas (n/a)

Don't mess with North Texas! That's what I'd say if North Texas hadn't lose seven games this year.

Confidence ranking: 32

Military Bowl
Annapolis, Md., Dec. 27
Temple (-13) vs. Wake Forest

That Tim Rattay tab is still open. Hmm.

Confidence ranking: 38

Holiday Bowl
San Diego, Dec. 27
Minnesota vs. Washington State (-7)

I've never been to Minnesota or Washington state. You know I got my boy Mike Leach in this game, though.

Confidence ranking: 4

Cactus Bowl
Phoenix, Dec. 27
Boise State (-7.5) vs. Baylor

Baylor is turning into a Penn State-esque nightmare right now, aren't they.

Confidence ranking: 37

Pinstripe Bowl
Bronx, N.Y., Dec. 28)
Pittsburgh (-5.5) vs. Northwestern

I had already forgotten that Pitt beat both Clemson and Penn State. Northwestern started off pretty bad but improved, which makes me wonder if this will be a close game.

Confidence ranking: 16

Athletic Bowl
Orlando, Dec. 28
West Virginia vs. Miami (Florida) (-3)

Holgo for life. I think WVU will lose this game, and I don't even care. Did you know they're in the Big 12? And it only has ten teams? What a country.

My pick: WVU
Confidence ranking: 3

Foster Farms Bowl
Santa Clara, Calif., Dec. 28
Indiana vs. Utah (-8)

Utes? What's a Ute? Classic.

My pick: UTAH
Confidence ranking: 17

Texas Bowl
Houston, Dec. 28
Texas A&M vs. Kansas State (n/a)

TAMU is decidedly mediocre, but they have the same record as KSU against a tougher schedule.

My pick: TAMU
Confidence ranking: 20

Birmingham Bowl
Birmingham, Ala., Dec. 29
USF (-10.5) vs. South Carolina

South Florida is good enough they hired their coach away, so, good on them. I like the Charlie Strong hire. South Carolina is trash.

Confidence ranking: 33

Belk Bowl
Charlotte, NC, Dec. 29
Arkansas vs. Virginia Tech (-7)

You can throw out the records when these former band mates get together. When are people going to figure out the Bert Believer isn't a very good coach? I'll tell you when: never, because life isn't fair.

My pick: VA TECH
Confidence ranking: 26

Alamo Bowl
San Antonio, Dec. 29
Oklahoma State vs. Colorado (-3)

Remember the Alamo? You said you'd never forget! The reason I like Colorado in this game: This is kind of a dream season for them, compared to a good but not outstanding year for Oklahoma State. Please, I root for Ralphie (Ralphy? not looking it up) to go insane and gore someone every time.

My pick: BUFFS
Confidence ranking: 19

Liberty Bowl
Memphis, TN, Dec. 30
Georgia (-1) vs. TCU

Georgia sucks and I hate them.

My pick: TCU
Confidence ranking: 23

Sun Bowl
El Paso, Texas, Dec. 30
Stanford (-3.5) vs. North Carolina

Might as well be bowling on the sun! I think bowl games don't favor speedy teams. Plus, I like to write it "Samford" when I pick. I still don't know which team is in which ACC division, and at this point I am proud not to know.

My pick: SAMFORD
Confidence ranking: 15

Music City Bowl
Nashville, Tenn., Dec. 30
Nebraska vs. Tennessee (-3)

This game will be "music" to your ears if you like trash teams playing bad football.

Confidence ranking: 5

Arizona Bowl
Tucson, Ariz., Dec. 30
South Alabama vs. Air Force (-13.5)

This is another game where the line looks too big, but the favorite should still win.

Confidence ranking: 31

Orange Bowl
Miami Gardens, Fla., Dec. 30
Michigan (-7) vs. Florida State

Absolutely not.

Confidence ranking: 30

Citrus Bowl
Orlando, Dec. 31
LSU vs. Louisville (n/a)

Da Coach O is already tiring. That said! Louisville has less talent overall, and I think they're a team on the decline.  LSU will play for their new coach. They play this game in Camping World Stadium.

My pick: LSU
Confidence ranking: 7

TaxSlayer Bowl
Jacksonville, Fla., Dec. 31
Georgia Tech (-3.5) vs. Kentucky

pretty quotidian matchup imo

My pick: GA TECH
Confidence ranking: 6

Peach Bowl
Atlanta, Dec. 31
Washington vs. Alabama (-17)

Never in doubt, my friends.

My pick: ALABAMA
Confidence ranking: 40

Fiesta Bowl
Glendale, Ariz., Dec. 31
Ohio State (-3) vs. Clemson

Ohio State, I guess? I do not feel confident about this game. Ohio State has played a much tougher schedule, but they haven't looked that great doing it. I don't know. I dislike both of these teams, I hate this.

Confidence ranking: 9

Outback Bowl
Tampa, Fla., Jan. 2
Florida (-2.5) vs. Iowa

This pick is solely based on the idea that Florida will be healthy-ish.

My pick: FLORIDA
Confidence ranking: 8

Cotton Bowl
Arlington, Texas, Jan. 2
Western Michigan vs. Wisconsin (-7.5)

Nonsense. Western Michigan having that dream season and everything, but who is the best team they beat? Northwestern?

Confidence ranking: 29

Rose Bowl Game
Pasadena, Calif., Jan. 2
USC (-7) vs. Penn State

The only thing that makes me questionable about this pick is that Joe Paterno did not take action to stop repeated incidents of child molestation.

My pick: USC
Confidence ranking: 18

Allstate Sugar Bowl
New Orleans, Jan. 2
Auburn vs. Oklahoma (-4)

Auburn will definitely not win this game.

My pick: AUBURN
Confidence ranking: 10

Wednesday, December 14, 2016

Op under Fjeldet toner en Lur

Up in the Hills a Clarion Call rings out

 the time to pick is nigh

Tuesday, December 13, 2016

Bowl schedule

Bowl Pick Them 2016 Rules: picking bowls, sucka

This is from

Gildan New Mexico Bowl (Albuquerque, N.M., Dec. 17): New Mexico (-7) vs. UTSA

Las Vegas Bowl (Las Vegas, Dec. 17): Houston (-3) vs. San Diego State

Raycom Media Camellia Bowl (Montgomery, Ala., Dec. 17): Appalachian State vs. Toledo (-1)

AutoNation Cure Bowl (Orlando, Dec. 17): UCF (-6) vs. Arkansas State

R+L Carriers New Orleans Bowl (New Orleans, Dec. 17): Southern Mississippi (-3.5) vs. UL Lafayette

Miami Beach Bowl (Miami, Dec. 19): Central Michigan vs. Tulsa (-11.5)

Boca Raton Bowl (Boca Raton, Fla., Dec. 20): Memphis vs. Western Kentucky (-5)

San Diego County CU Poinsettia Bowl (San Diego, Dec. 21): BYU (-8.5) vs. Wyoming

Famous Idaho Potato Bowl (Boise, Idaho, Dec. 22): Idaho vs. Colorado State (-13.5)

Popeyes Bahamas Bowl (Nassau, Bahamas, Dec. 23): Eastern Michigan vs. Old Dominion (-3.5)

Lockheed Martin Armed Forces Bowl (Fort Worth, Texas, Dec. 23): Louisiana Tech vs. Navy (n/a)

Dollar General Bowl (Mobile, Ala., Dec. 23): Ohio vs. Troy (-4)

Hawai'i Bowl (Honolulu, Dec. 24): Hawaii vs. Middle Tennessee (n/a)

St. Petersburg Bowl (St. Petersburg, Fla., Dec. 26): Miami (Ohio) vs. Mississippi State (-13)

Quick Lane Bowl (Detroit, Dec. 26): Maryland (-1.5) vs. Boston College

Camping World Independence Bowl (Shreveport, La., Dec. 26): NC State (-4) vs. Vanderbilt

Zaxby's Heart of Dallas Bowl (Dallas, Dec. 27): Army vs. North Texas (n/a)

Military Bowl (Annapolis, Md., Dec. 27): Temple (-13) vs. Wake Forest

National Funding Holiday Bowl (San Diego, Dec. 27): Minnesota vs. Washington State (-7)

Motel 6 Cactus Bowl (Phoenix, Dec. 27): Boise State (-7.5) vs. Baylor

New Era Pinstripe Bowl (Bronx, N.Y., Dec. 28): Pittsburgh (-5.5) vs. Northwestern

Russell Athletic Bowl (Orlando, Dec. 28): West Virginia vs. Miami (Florida) (-3)

Foster Farms Bowl (Santa Clara, Calif., Dec. 28): Indiana vs. Utah (-8)

AdvoCare V100 Texas Bowl (Houston, Dec. 28): Texas A&M vs. Kansas State (n/a)

Birmingham Bowl (Birmingham, Ala., Dec. 29): USF (-10.5) vs. South Carolina

Belk Bowl (Charlotte, NC, Dec. 29): Arkansas vs. Virginia Tech (-7)

Valero Alamo Bowl (San Antonio, Dec. 29): Oklahoma State vs. Colorado (-3)

AutoZone Liberty Bowl (Memphis, TN, Dec. 30): Georgia (-1) vs. TCU

Hyundai Sun Bowl (El Paso, Texas, Dec. 30): Stanford (-3.5) vs. North Carolina

Franklin Amer. Mort. Music City Bowl (Nashville, Tenn., Dec. 30): Nebraska vs. Tennessee (-3)

NOVA Home Loans Arizona Bowl (Tucson, Ariz., Dec. 30): South Alabama vs. Air Force (-13.5)

Capital One Orange Bowl (Miami Gardens, Fla., Dec. 30): Michigan (-7) vs. Florida State

Buffalo Wild Wings Citrus Bowl (Orlando, Dec. 31): LSU vs. Louisville (n/a)

TaxSlayer Bowl (Jacksonville, Fla., Dec. 31): Georgia Tech (-3.5) vs. Kentucky

Chick-fil-A Peach Bowl (Atlanta, Dec. 31): Washington vs. Alabama (-17)

PlayStation Fiesta Bowl (Glendale, Ariz., Dec. 31): Ohio State (-3) vs. Clemson

Outback Bowl (Tampa, Fla., Jan. 2): Florida (-2.5) vs. Iowa

Goodyear Cotton Bowl (Arlington, Texas, Jan. 2): Western Michigan vs. Wisconsin (-7.5)

Rose Bowl Game (Pasadena, Calif., Jan. 2): USC (-7) vs. Penn State

Allstate Sugar Bowl (New Orleans, Jan. 2): Auburn vs. Oklahoma (-4)

CFP National Championship (Tampa, Fla., Jan. 9): Peach Bowl winner vs. Fiesta Bowl winner

Wednesday, December 07, 2016





2005 - 2007
Doesn't matter, never happened.

C: 22-12 (9-6)
W: 19-15 (6-9) *editor's note: 69 lol

C: 18-16 (3-2)
W: 17-17 (2-3)
Worst ever winning performance. I picked all favorites, which would win most years but backfired spectacularly this time.

C: 21-14 (8-4)
W: 17-18 (4-8)
what a moron

C: 22-13 (8-5)
W: 19-16 (5-8)

C: 26-9 (12-5)
W: 19-16 (5-12)
The gold standard of pick them performances. 9 percentage points higher than the next best showing.

C: 18-17 (4-8)
W: 22-13 (8-4)
In your face! The perfect storm. My best all time showing and your worst. Booyah grandma! I attribute this to me being aimlessly unemployed.

C: 23-15 (11-8)
W: 20-18 (8-11)
Order has been restored. Most ever CRISIS games.

C: 26-14 (9-3)
W: 20-20 (3-9)
Highest win pct in CRISIS games.

2008 - 2015:
C: 176-110 (64-41)
W: 153-133 (41-64)

How large will your victory be this time? Only time will tell! To the future... and beyond!

Wednesday, November 30, 2016


Last week's results:

Captain: 3-6
Charles: 4-5

Final results:

Capz: 44-51-2
Chaz: 50-45-2

truly, you are the SEC TURD

Wednesday, November 23, 2016

*to the tune of here come the men in black* nationwide is on your side

what a ride this season has been. truly a ride.

once more unto the breach, dear friends.

LSU -5 still don't know about where futureTAMU went to college or if she even did

Arkansas -9.5 "it aint Ar-kansas, baby... its arkanSAW" "D-Mac got that woood!" ahh 2007 seems like a lifetime ago

Georgia -4.5 ya gotta dance with the lady what brung ya

Kentucky +25.5 ya gotta dance with the lady what brung ya

Alabama -17 there are three possibilities for how this game will go: 1) Alabama will win by a lot 2) Alabama will win in a soul crushingly close finish 3) something else

Old Mist -7.5 I don't even think about typing or saying old mist anymore.

South Carolina +23.5 ya gotta dance with the lady what brung ya

Tennessee -7.5 yeehaw

Florida +6.5 Jim McElwain: maybe he should McEl less.

EDITED: I posted this quickly so I could look at your picks. Now I am going back to put comments but I am not changing the picks. that is not tha captainz way.

Tuesday, November 22, 2016

it's the most wonderful picks of the year

My fondest wish? A tie, dear readers.

LSU (-5) Texas A&M is a team getting worse, LSU is still hoping for Coach Oh to get the stupid job. The line has moved a bit on this game since I posted it.

Arkansas (-9.5) I picked against Arkansas last week, mistake (miss steak)

Georgia Tech (+4.5) Option I guess?

Kentucky (+25.5) Louisville is sad, Kentucky is bad, who to pick? Going with the gut (bacteria).

Auburn (+17) thanks to the magic of the Captain's proprietary data, this is one pick I can be sure I'll miss! Alabama will definitely win this by 18 points.

Old Mist (-7.5) I picked in favor of Mississippi State last week, mistake (missed take)

South Carolina (+23.5) CLICK CLACK

Tennessee (-7.5) Playing for the sugar bowl, babee

Florida State (-6.5) did Florida State get another rapist quarterback?

top secret proprietary data

do not tell anyone this secret information.

ATS this year:

Auburn: 7-3
Kentucky: 7-3
Tide: 6-3-1
Vandy: 6-4
Arkansas: 5-5
UGA: 5-5
Old Mist: 5-5
SCar: 5-5
LSU: 4-5 (dnp the game against south Alabama)
TAMU: 4-5-1
Florida: 4-6 (dnp the game against Presbyterian but that would not have had a line)
MSU: 3-6-1
Mizzou: 3-7
Tenn: 3-7

use this as you see fit. please destroy this message.

Monday, November 21, 2016

whatever week this is

I am holding on tight to a five game lead, but a giant betting lineup this week threatens my chances.

CAPZ 4-2 (41-45-2)
CHUGZ 2-4 (46-40-2)

LSU (-5) at TAMU
Arkansas (-9.5) at Missouri
Georgia Tech at Georgia (-4.5)
Kentucky at Louisville (-25.5)
Auburn at Alabama (-17)
Mississippi St at Old Mist (-7.5)
South Carolina at Clemson (-23.5)
Tennessee (-7.5) at Vanderbilt
Florida at Florida State (-6.5)

Thursday, November 17, 2016

*to the tune of here come the men in black* here come the men in black

without father adieu, here are my picks!

Georgia -22.5 not looking it up to see if ul Lafayette is any good at all. doesn't matter, Georgia almost lost to Nichols state but also beats auburn every year except under extraordinary circumstances.

TAMU -27.5 I have no idea and I don't care

Florida +13.5 but not winning.

Tennessee -16 vols gonna look really good against mizzou and vandy and be super hyped to get skulled 56-6 by Alabama in the seccg

Arkansas +1.5 this is a weird line in my idiot opinion

Vanderbilt +10 why do I think this game will be close? the answer is, of course, that I'm very very dumb


A seven game lead is nothing in this world. That's just me doing bad two weeks in a row and caps doing good. I won't count these chickens before they're hatched. The only thing I'm sure of is that Alabama would cover any hypothetical line against Chattanooga or whoever they're playing.

UL-Lafayette (+22.5) Georgia is so bad, they barely beat Auburn

UTSA (+27.5) I guess

LSU (-13.5) Florida can't get to 14, so LSU will cover

Missouri (+16) God bless expansion, we would never have this 16 point spread in a late-season conference game involving Missouri for some reason otherwise

Mississippi St. (-1.5) Why not

Old Mist (-10) You can throw out the records when these two bastions of white supremacy line up on the gridiron

what a terrible lineup

Wednesday, November 16, 2016

durrr durrr durrr i'm tha captain i'm a idiot

Captain Idiot: 2 - 5 (37-43-2)
The Chuckwagon: 6 - 1 (44-36-2) breathtaking

alright well here are some more

UL-Lafayette at Georgia (-22.5)
UTSA at TAMU (-27.5)
Florida at LSU (-13.5)
Missouri at Tennessee (-16)
Arkansas at Mississippi St. (-1.5)
Old Mist (-10) at Vanderbilt

throwing out the 4 games against 1AA teams. this is not a handsome line up.

how do you plan to celebrate your victory besides also beating me in the damn bowl pick them?

Thursday, November 10, 2016

it's time for picks, proud

Georgia (+10.5) Auburn wins but I don't think that they cover in Athens, hotbed of dickery, with a whole team that's all taking horse tranquilizers just to sleep at night

South Carolina (-11.5) I can easily imagine this being the least watchable game on any channel at any time

Kentucky (+13.5) Tennessee seems like a team on decline, but they've got a lot to play for, too. I think Tennessee by ten sounds about right.

Alabama (-30) Absolutely no doubt, I don't even look at the line or the team opposing Nick's Juggernauts anymore

Missouri (-3.5) Vandy is going to have a kind of hangover situation with the close loss to Auburn. Or probably not, probably they win.


Ole Must (+10.5) This line seems high for Trevor Knight to have exploded all his ligaments

*to the tune of here come the men in black* here comes a fascist prez

I'm really smart and good at picking

Georgia +10.5 the political pollsters must have come up with this line am I right

South Carolina +11.5 seems like it will be ugly

Tennessee -13.5 this is probably wrong

Alabama -30 that is a lot of points. Alabama will knock Mississippi state out in the first few minutes, balance a piece of plywood on state's chest, and then slowly and meticulously pile rocks on top of it for 50 minutes. 30 points is a lot of rocks I think but I'm a dumb idiot. also it isn't really that many rocks/points I guess. who cares

Vanderbilt +3.5 no idea!

Arkansas +7 probably wrong again. momentum? I guess

TAMU -10.5 maybe they'll be angry? old mist is all used up.

Wednesday, November 09, 2016

time to .... pick

Way to go, capt. I believe 5-2 matches the previous best rate (also 5-2) this year. I hope we tie, and then the sun explodes.

The very captain: 5-2 (35-38-2)
the big C that's not cancer: 3-4 (38-35-2)

Auburn (-10.5) at Georgia
South Carolina at Florida (-11.5)
Kentucky at Tennessee (-13.5)
Mississippi State at Alabama (-30)
Vanderbilt at Missouri (-3.5)
LSU (-7) at Arkansas
Old Mist at TAMU (-10.5)

Thursday, November 03, 2016

*to the tune of ok you know the rest

Georgia Southern +27.5 walt you suck. i still think of the 'gles as a 1AA team so i was surprised at first to see a line but then i remembered. i remembered how much of a tool walt is.

Vanderbilt +26 hell they might even win the damn game

TAMU -13.5 looking forward to not being able to tell which team is which again

Arkansas +5.5 i can't remember arkansas being blown out this season so i'm pretty sure they'll keep this one tight

Missouri +7 south carolina's 4 wins have been by 3, 5, 6, and 3 points. that's what the boys down at the sports factory call a "stat."

Georgia +2 kentucky is not going to a bowl. also georgia will beat auburn.

Alabama -7.5 bad stuff goin'a happen

week rude ten

Georgia Southern (+27.5) I'm a little upset that there's a line on this game. Expecting a 42-21 kind of score.
Auburn (-26) believe!
TAMU (-13.5) I feel good about TAMU's chances. They're gonna be focused, because of the playoff thing.
Florida (-5.5) I expected this line to be like three points higher, but I am not a clever man
South Carolina (-7) Missouri is collapsing, right? That's the only sure thing I feel like I know about the East, which means inevitably the Tigers win this by 17.
Kentucky (+2) But not winning! 21-20, UGA, that's a guess. Well. I don't know. I hope they cancel this game.
Alabama (-7.5 but does it matter) c'mon man

Wednesday, November 02, 2016

week ten you're going to win

last week:
the c(r)ap: 3-2 (30-36-2)
tha cha(m)p: 4-1 (35-31-2)

Georgia Southern at Old Mist (-27.5)
Vanderbilt at Auburn (-26)
TAMU (-13.5) at Mississippi State
Florida (-5.5) at Arkansas
Missouri at South Carolina (-7)
Georgia (-2) at Kentucky
Alabama (-7.5 but does it matter) at LSU

Thursday, October 27, 2016

week nyet picks

Alabama doesn't play, so no lock of the week.

Kentucky (+5.5) Utterly befuddling game. Missouri is favored, with a 2-5 record?  Kentucky is Kentucky?
Florida (-7.5) In a week I am not confident about, this would be the game I would pick as most confident
Auburn (-4.5) Can we soar with wings of eagles? Can we go to Oxford, MS, for the first time ever? Auburn seems to me a bad matchup for the boys of Alt Mist.
Tennessee (-13.5) I feel like South Carolina may not be a good football team.
New Mexico State (+43.5) I guess?

*to the tune of here come the men in black* here come the captainz pix (always going to say this from now on)


Kentucky +5.5 they will win this but lose to Austin peay and not get to a bowl

Georgia +7.5 maybe not winning, we'll have to tune in and see

Old Mist +4.5 last week taught me nothing. have fun watching this crap.

South Carolina +13.5 Tennessee dicks around and wins on a missed field goal or something stupid

New Mexico State +43.5 all dogs go to heaven (and get picked by me ha ha). this might as well be a 1AA game. One of my brother's middle/high school friends had the AIM screen name "FutureTAMU" and now I wonder if she actually went there. I hope so, I hope her screen name wasn't a lie.

Wednesday, October 26, 2016

Week nein nein nein

Cappy LW: 3-2-1 Overall: 27-34-2 winner winner captain's dinner
Chuck LW: 2-3-1 Overall: 31-30-2 approaching .500, mateys

Kentucky at Missouri (-5.5)
Florida (-7.5) v. Georgia
Auburn (-4.5) at All Missed
Tennessee (-13.5) at South Carolina
New Mexico State at TAMU (-43.5)

No line for Samford at Mississississippi State


Thursday, October 20, 2016

*to the tune of here come the men in black* here come tha captainz pix

the question on everyone's mind: which one will I get right?

UMass +20 the ol "can south Carolina even score that many points" logic, they probably can and will
Alabama -19 the first time I looked the line was 17 but I saw it as 7 and I laughed out loud
Mizzouri -6.5 no idea how good middle Tennessee is and I'm not going to look it up
Arkansas +10 this is still weird to me, even if I accept that auburn is actually good
Kentucky +3 I think state is a spent force
LSU -5.5 gotta keep ridin the tiger train

week 8 is enough !

Lotsa double digit margins here, fellas.

UMass (+20) South Carolina suuuuucks
Alabama (-19) never in doubt, my friends
Miss Ouri (-6.5) Vanderbilt beat Middle Tennessee by 23.
Auburn (-10) I regret this before I finished deleting "Arkansas at." Bye week maybe?
Mississippi State (-3) this line looks suspiciously low
Awl Missed (+5.5) but not winning! I expect one of those ridiculous games where somebody gets a big lead and then a big comeback and eventually LSU wins 36-35.

Wednesday, October 19, 2016

week 8 wow the season's really flyin by huh

last week was certainly just another week "around the pick-off"

Cap: 1-4-1 (24-32-1) guuuuh
Char: 2-3-1 (29-27-1) great job

here they are in all their glory... they're lines, baby

UMass at South Carolina (-20)
Texas A&M at Alabama (-19)
Middle Tennessee at Mizzouri (-6.5)
Arkansas at Auburn (-10)
Mississippi State (-3) at Kentucky
Old Mist at LSU (-5.5)

"gotta pick em all!" (pokemon)

Thursday, October 13, 2016

i just can't get enough kenneth bone

pick up the phone who is it its Kenneth bone pick up the phone who is it its Kenneth bone pick up the phone who is it its Kenneth bone pick up the phone who is it its Kenneth bone pick up the phone who is it its Kenneth bone pick up the phone who is it its Kenneth bone pick up the phone who is it its Kenneth bone pick up the phone who is it its Kenneth bone pick up the phone who is it its Kenneth bone

Mississippi State +7 why is Mississippi st playing road games at umass and byu ever, much less in the same season
Georgia -14 a preview of what Georgia's win over aubarn will look like
Tennessee +14 I keep doing this why do I keep doing this
Missouri +13.5 do not watch this game
Old Mist -7.5 this could be a good game but I think it will end up not close
LSU -25 coach o and the boys got something for em


BYU (-7) weird scheduling works out weird, and the travel to BYU seems to me to favor the Latter Day Saints (SaturDay Saints would be a good BYU football blog name, if it isn't already)
Georgia (-14) villainous
Alabama (-13) never in doubt, friends
Florida (-13.5) hardest pick of the week, no way I would actually bet this, and I don't think anyone else should, either.
Old Mist (-7.5) the Hogs appear overrated to me: best win is I guess double-OT against a mediocre TCU team?
Southern Mist (+25) equally the hardest pick of the week because of LSU's coaching situation.

Wednesday, October 12, 2016

week 7

ThaCap: 3-2 (23-28)
Chorles: 4-1 (27-24)

great work, Dackler

A fairly mediocre lineup this week?

Mississippi State at BYU (-7) on Friday for some reason, probably Mormons, but the closest line of the week.
Vandy at Georgia (-14)
Alabama (-13) at Tennessee
Missouri at Florida (-13.5)
Old Mist (-7.5) at Arkansas
Southern Mist at LSU (-25)

Thursday, October 06, 2016

week s(ECTURD)ix

another great week of picks from youknowwho.

LSU at Florida: My prediction is that this game will be indefinitely postponed
Auburn (-3) I believe in Auburn's kicking game.
Texas A&M (-6.5) I feel like Butch is a bad gameday coach
Kentucky (-3) when I went back to recheck my picks, I couldn't remember who Kentucky was favored over. I looked this game up and Vanderbilt's quarterback only has one eye, which is awesome.
Alabama (-13.5) there is nothing I feel more confident betting on than I do that Alabama will cover, and I will never not feel this way until they rehire one of the Mikes. I would be more likely to pick Arkansas to win straight up than to cover but not win.
South Carolina (+7) but not winning! I have very little faith in UGA but less in South Carolina, so this splits the difference. This will be an ugly game played in a dadgum hurricane. Hardest pick of the week for this guy.

pick six (six games) ha ha

"goodbye money" - me to my money if these were real bets

LSU -3

Auburn -3 hardest

Tennessee +6.5

Kentucky -3

Arkansas +13.5 why am I doing this, what made me this way

Georgia +7

Wednesday, October 05, 2016

we're like the opposite of the uconn women

Last Week
The "Tha Captain" Captain: 5-2 (20-26)
Charles "Charlie" Charlesworth: 0-7 lol (23-23)

ah but 3e isn't a brotherhood that dwells on the past... "To the future... and beyond!" (new motto)

LSU (-3) at Florida

Auburn (-3) at Missississippi State

Tennessee at Texas A&M (-6.5)

Vanderbilt at Kentucky (-3)

Alabama (-13.5) at Arkansas

Georgia (-7) at South Carolina

Thursday, September 29, 2016

please do not take these to the bank baby

good lord man is right, man

Vanderbilt +10 dores got something for em
Georgia +3.5 i'm stupid
LaMo +33 this makes sense to me
South Carolina +17.5 this was the easiest pick
Alabama -35 sorry i'll never not pick tide again
Old Mist -14.5 old mist
LSU -13 isn't there some stat about teams after their coach gets fired that they always cover, i think that's a sports stat

just terrible

Florida (-10) Does this line seem low? Is it because it's in Nashville, toughest place to play in the SEC?
Tennessee (-3.5) Also seems low
LaMo (+33) I don't feel like Auburn can get to 33!
TAMU (-17.5) Going heavy with the road teams so far, don't trust it
Alabama (-35) Florida beat Kentucky by 38
Memphis (+14.5) I can't believe any actual gamblers would bet this game
Missouri (+13) I can't believe any actual gamblers would bet this game

Wednesday, September 28, 2016

week five southeastern confSECTURD SECTURD SECTURD

That Capitan: last week, 0-8, overall, 15-24 good Lord man
Churlie Rubut: last week, 5-3, overall 23-16

Heck of a lineup this week (not!).

Florida at Vanderbilt (+10)
Tennessee at Georgia (+3.5)
LaMo at Auburn (-33)
TAMU at South Carolina (+17.5)
Kentucky at Alabama (-35)
Memphis at Old Mist (-14.5)
Missouri at LSU (-13)

Thursday, September 22, 2016

i'm going to get all of these right

you can take it to the bank, baby

Kent State +43.5

Georgia +7

Florida +6.5

Mississippi State -22

Western Kentucky -7.5

LSU -3.5

South Carolina +1.5

Arkansas +5.5

secturd looks Latinate

Kent State (+43.5) obviously not winning
Georgia (+7) but not winning!
Florida (+6.5) but not winning! Tennessee breaking the so-called streak.
UMass (+22) but not winning. Why is this at UMass? Like, a home-and-home with Tulane or USF or somebody like that I would get. This is like playing at game in Wyoming.
Vanderbilt (+7.5) but not winning. Who would bet this game?
Auburn (+3.5) but not winning, it'll be a gruesome 13-11 heartbreaker. It'll be like the ole Tubby years but for the wrong reasons. Honk if you miss Brandon Cox. Heck, I miss Barrett Trotter.
Kentucky (-1.5) who cares
Texas A&M (-5.5) monstrous

Tuesday, September 20, 2016


Last week (overall):
Tha Captain: 6-4 (15-16)
Charles: 5-5 (18-13)

good job, everyone. not.

Kent State at Alabama (-43.5)
Georgia at Old Mist (-7)
Florida at Tennessee (-6.5)
Mississippi State (-22) at UMass
Vanderbilt at Western Kentucky (-7.5)
LSU (-3.5) at Auburn
South Carolina at Kentucky (-1.5)
Arkansas at Texas A&M (-5.5)

Thursday, September 15, 2016

I need a big week, a big bounceback

luckily, all these are rock solid

Texas State +31

Tami +3.5
tami always wins in auburn

North Texas +36.5
Despite last week, I'm not sure the Go Gaters can score that many points. Also lookin ahead and what not.

Kentucky -19.5
the hal mumme bowl ha ha

Mississippi State +14

Alabama -11
fool me twice: shame on you, fool me thrice: lane on kiffin

Georgia -6.5
maybe nicholls (state) is really good

South Carolina -3.5

Tennessee -27.5
how Tennessee got their groove back (racing joke because of Bristol and a racing groove is the preferable line around a racetrack and how Tennessee will be good now)

Georgia Tech -6.5
sure why not

sec turds

Texas State (+31)
Auburn (-3.5) it's 2013 again! I feel it.
Florida (-36.5)
New Mexico State (+19.5) bad teams man. Toughest pick of the week.
Mississippi State (+14)
Ole Miss (+11) easy pick, though I said that last week
Georgia (-6.5)
South Carolina (-3.5) also tough
Ohio (+27.5)
Georgia Tech (-6.5)

Tuesday, September 13, 2016

weak three

Last week (overall):
Cap'n: 1-7 sick (9-12)
Chaz: 4-4 bad (13-8)

Once again, these appear to all be Saturday games.

Texas State at Arkansas (-31)
Texas A&M at Auburn (-3.5)
North Texas at Florida (-36.5)
New Mexico State at Kentucky (-19.5)
Mississippi State at LSU (-14)
Alabama (-11) at Ole Miss
Georgia (-6.5) at Missouri
East Carolina at South Carolina (-3.5)
Ohio at Tennessee (-27.5)
Vanderbilt at Georgia Tech (-6.5)

Thursday, September 08, 2016


none of these undies actually win

Kentucky +17
Alabama -28.5
Middle Tennessee +5.5
South Carolina +6.5
TCU -7.5
Arkansas St +19
Missouri - 25
Virginia Tech +11.5

week two is time for bad schedules

Florida (-17) covers
Alabama (-28.5) covers
Vanderbilt (-5.5) covers I guess? Toughest pick of the week.
Mississippi State (-6.5) covers
Arkansas (+7.5) covers but does not win!
Arkansas State (+19) covers but does not win!
Eastern Michigan (+25) covers but does not win!
Virginia Tech covers (+11.5) but does not win!

If we did a confidence thing, then I would have Alabama covering as my top confidence pick.

Wednesday, September 07, 2016

because they didn't have lines for them on the first site i checked...

we aren't doing the 1AA games!!!

All games are on Saturday, so no hurry getting those picks in.

Kentucky at Florida (-17)
Western Kentucky at Alabama (-28.5)
Middle Tennessee at Vanderbilt (-5.5)
South Carolina at Mississippi State (-6.5)
Arkansas at TCU (-7.5)
Arkansas State at Auburn (-19)
Eastern Michigan at Missouri (-25)
Virginia Tech vs Tennessee (-11.5)

its like... home favorite much?

Last Week:
Charlie: 9-4
Tha Captain: 8-5

Thursday, September 01, 2016

should we have confidence points or something, probably not.

bold means a underdog to win straight up. alright here's what i got:

appalachicola state +20.5
south carolina +4.5
mississippi state -28.5
mizzou +10
ucla +3
wisconsin +10
la tech +26
uga -2.5
kentucky -6.5
UMass + 36.5
alabama -11.5
auburn +7.5
old mist +4.5

we can pick pick pick pick pickcpickppicpk pick pick pick cpick pick pick

I don't like the formatting I did here. Dumb.

Appalachian State covers (+20.5)
Vanderbilt covers (-4.5)
Mississippi State covers (-28.5)
West Virginia covers (-10)
#16 UCLA covers (+3) and wins!
#5 LSU covers (-10)
Louisiana Tech covers (+26)
#18 Georgia covers (-2.5) :(
Southern Mississippi covers (+6.5) [one of two I even hesitated about]
Massachusetts covers  (+36.5) [one of two I even hesitated about]
#1 Alabama covers (-11.5) and maybe 11.5 more. I'd take a 23 point line before a pick em.
Auburn covers (+7.5) but does not win! Life is cruel.
#4 Florida State covers (-4.5)

Tuesday, August 30, 2016

It's time, my babies

Man, Blogger gets worse every year. I want things to change as little as possible, which is why Auburn's impending six-win season is such a joy.

Thursday, September 1
7:30 PM Appalachian State @ #9 Tennessee (-20.5)
8:00 PM South Carolina @ Vanderbilt (-4.5)
Saturday, September 3
12:00 PM South Alabama @ Mississippi State (-28.5)
12:00 PM  Missouri @ West Virginia (-10)
3:30 PM #16 UCLA @ Texas A&M (-3)
3:30 PM #5 LSU (-10) vs. Wisconsin
4:00 PM Louisiana Tech @ Arkansas (-26)
5:30 PM #18 Georgia (-2.5) vs. #22 North Carolina
7:30 PM Southern Mississippi @ Kentucky (-6.5)
7:30 PM Massachusetts @ #25 Florida  (-36.5)
8:00 PM #20 USC vs. #1 Alabama (-11.5)
9:00 PM #2 Clemson (-7.5) @ Auburn
Monday, September 5
8:00 PM #11 Ole Miss vs. #4 Florida State (-4.5)

Sunday, January 03, 2016

the end

not the largest margin of all time, but the largest winning pct in CRISIS games (75%). the stuff legends are made of.

Saturday, January 02, 2016


What's at stake: if at least one of your picks today wins, it will guarantee the second best pick them winning pct in recorded history. If you win at least one of the CRISIS games, it will guarantee the highest CRISIS winning pct in recorded history. If you win both CRISIS, it will be the largest margin of victory in history.

I need to win at least two games today to avoid the worst pick them ever.