OUR PETS HEADS ARE STILL FALLING OFF BUT NOT AS QUICKLY IT SEEMS

 

OUR PETS HEADS ARE FALLING OFF

 

incoherent mumbling grows louder, more manic

 

mumbling incoherently

 

CRISES

Here they are, baby. Your picks are first (because they're better). Power points in parentheses.

12/18

(20) Boca Raton: Western Kentucky v Appalacian St.

(51) Independence: UAB v BYU

(43) LA: Oregon St. v Utah St.

(41) New Orleans: Marshall v UL-Lafayette

12/22

(38) Armed Forces: Armied Forces v Mizzou

12/23

(32) 2 Frisco 2 Furious: Miami (OH) v North Texas

12/24

(24) Hawaii: Hawaii v Memphis

12/28

(37) Birmingham: Auburn v Houston

(25) Holiday: NC St. v UCLA

12/29

(16) Fenway: SMU v Virginia

(21) Pinstripe: Virginia Tech v Maryland

(21) Alamo: Oklahoma v Oregon

12/30

(29) Duke's Mayo: North Carolina v South Carolina

(54) Peach: Pitt (peach pitt lol) v Michigan St.

12/31

(30) Sun: Miami (FL) v Washington St.

(66) Orange: Michigan v Georgia

1/1

(44) Fiesta: Oklahoma St. v Notre Dame

(57) Citrus: Kentucky v Iowa

(26) Sugar: Old Mist v Baylor

---

Here are all the games ranked by POWER POINTS (as above, the combined points wagered in CRISIS games or the difference in wagers in agreed games). POWER POINTS are the driving force behind the POWER FACTOR. He who hath the most POWER POINTS wins.

For all games, the winner that would benefit you is listed first. For CRISES that's pretty clear. For agreed games: if you have more points on the line, a shared win benefits you so our mutual pick is listed first. If I have more wagered, you benefit if we lose. For agreed games, our mutual pick is italicized.

1. Orange: Michigan v Georgia, 66

2. Citrus: Kentucky v Iowa, 57

3. Peach: Pitt v Michigan St., 54

4. Independence: UAB v BYU, 51

5. Fiesta: Oklahoma St. v Notre Dame, 44

6. LA: Oregon St. v Utah St., 43

7. New Orleans: Marshall v UL-Lafayette, 41

8. Armed Forces: Army v Mizzou, 38

9. Birmingham: Auburn v Houston, 37

10. 2 Frisco 2 Furious: Miami (OH) v North Texas, 32

11. Sun: Miami (FL) v Washington St., 30

12. Duke's Mayo: North Carolina v South Carolina, 29

13. Sugar: Old Mist v Baylor, 26

14. Libearty: Mississippi St. v Texas Tech, 25

14. Holiday: NC St. v UCLA, 25

16. Hawaii: Hawaii v Memphis, 24

17. Pinstripe: Virginia Tech v Maryland, 21

17. Alamo: Oklahoma v Oregon, 21

19. Boca Raton: WKU v Appalachian St., 20

20. Gator: TAMU v Wake Forest, 18

21. Music City: Tennessee v Purdue, 17

21. Outback: Arkansas v Penn St., 17

23. Fenway: SMU v Virginia, 16

23. Texas: Kansas St. v LSU, 16

25. Bahamas: Toledo v MTSU, 14

26. Frisco: UTSA v SDSU, 10

27. Las Vegas: Arizona St. v Wisconsin, 9

28. Camellia: Ball St. v Georgia St., 8

29. Cotton: Cincinnati v Alabama, 7

30. Myrtle Beach: Tulsa v ODU, 6

31. Cure: Coastal Carolina v NIU, 5

32. LendingTree: Liberty v EMU, 3

32. Quick Lane: WMU v Nevada, 3

32. Arizona: CMU v Boise St., 3

35. Military: Boston College v ECU, 2

36. Gasparilla: UCF v Florida, 1

36. 1st Responder: Louisville v Air Force, 1

36. Cheez-It: Clemson v Iowa St., 1

36. Rose: Ohio St. v Utah, 1

40. New Mexico: Fresno St. v UTEP, 0

41. Potato: Wyoming v Kent St., 0

42. Guaranteed Rate: Minnesota v West Virginia, 0

Oh, sorry, I didn't see you standing there. I was too focused on picking 42 correct winners for the Bowl Pick Them 2021

It's time to pick some bowl games. All of these are certified. 

Bahamas Bowl: Middle Tennessee vs. Toledo

CONFIDENCE RANKING: 37

This is a good “unusual but not particularly interesting mascot” game to start bowl season. Also a resounding “sure” pick for me. Toledo has a running back named Bryant Roback that looks someone was trying to give a fake name and couldn’t think of a good one while looking at the word “Rocket.”

 

Cure Bowl: Coastal Carolina vs. Northern Illinois

CONFIDENCE RANKING: 42

Pretty boring vs pretty interesting mascot contest. If it were the actual animals, I would give the Huskies a big advantage.

 

Boca Raton Bowl: Appalachian State vs. Western Kentucky

CONFIDENCE RANKING: 2

Hey remember those guys

 

New Mexico Bowl: Fresno State vs. Texas-El Paso

CONFIDENCE RANKING: 41

I assume Pat Hill is still coaching Fresno State. I do not feel comfortable about big lines for bowl games.

 

Independence Bowl: BYU vs. UAB

CONFIDENCE RANKING: 11

BLAZUHS. I would feel good about betting UAB to cover. BYU is going to be disappointed and UAB is playing with the proverbial chip on their shoulder. Not super confident about them actually winning but we’ll see.

 

LendingTree Bowl: Eastern Michigan vs. Libearty

CONFIDENCE RANKING: 39

They’re overrated but not that overrated. It is time for Malik Willis to shine like a star.

 

LA Bowl: Oregon State vs. Utah State

CONFIDENCE RANKING: 32

The Famous Beavers

 

New Orleans Bowl: Louisiana-Lafayette vs. We Are Marshall

CONFIDENCE RANKING: 6

Seems like a good pick. I went back and looked at the oldest blog-hosted Bowl Pick Them, and I referenced Pete Carroll at USC and Brian Kelly at Cincinnati.

 

Myrtle Beach Bowl: Old Dominion vs. Tulsa

CONFIDENCE RANKING: 27

Excellent mascot match-up.

 

Idaho Potato Bowl: Kent State vs. Wyoming  

CONFIDENCE RANKING: 17

POE TAY TOE. Pat Dye coached at Wyoming. They shot those kids at Kent State.

 

Frisco Bowl: San Diego State vs. UTSA

CONFIDENCE RANKING: 3

Ciudad Universitaria is the only school that is allowed to be called the Aztecs. I like it on Where in the World Is Carmen Sandiego? when Chief says "Greetings, gumshoes!"

 

Armed Forces Bowl: Army vs. Missouri

CONFIDENCE RANKING: 14

Army of One

 

Frisco Football Classic: Miami (Ohio) vs. North Texas

CONFIDENCE RANKING: 24

Looks like I neglected to write a spread for this game, nefarious I am sure. This is the game they just decided to have, which makes me wonder how late I can decide to host a bowl game.

 

Gasparilla Bowl: Central Florida vs. Florida

CONFIDENCE RANKING: 13

lol

 

Hawaii Bowl: Hawaii vs. Memphis

CONFIDENCE RANKING: 4

There are so many bowl games.

 

Camellia Bowl: Ball State vs. Georgia State

CONFIDENCE RANKING: 26

Two Sad Universities

 

Quick Lane Bowl: Nevada vs. Western Michigan

CONFIDENCE RANKING: 16

If I were forced to do this honestly, all of my picks would have a confidence rating of between 3 and 5.

 

Military Bowl: Boston College vs. East Carolina

CONFIDENCE RANKING: 9

As usual, an insult to the troops

 

Birmingham Bowl: Auburn (-3) vs. Houston

CONFIDENCE RANKING: 10

I was fully prepared to pick against My Tigers, but I really like the new OC hire, the first time in a long time that Harsin has done something that gives me confidence about the direction of the program. It’s very surprising to me that Auburn is favored, though. I guess I am committed to this bit.

 

First Responder Bowl: Air Force vs. Louisville

CONFIDENCE RANKING: 5

I am Very Patriotic

 

Liberty Bowl: Mississippi State vs. Texas Tech

CONFIDENCE RANKING: 30

I remember some number of Pick Thems ago saying I thought Leach was better in bowl games, or maybe it was worse in bowl games. Not looking it up. Leach does seem like the vindictive type, though.

 

Holiday Bowl: North Carolina State vs. UCLA

CONFIDENCE RANKING: 15

UCLA is high on my “inexcusable how bad they usually are” rankings.

 

Guaranteed Rate Bowl: Minnesota vs. West Virginia

CONFIDENCE RANKING: 29

A lot of these lines don’t look right. Maybe I did something wrong.

 

Fenway Bowl: SMU vs. Virginia

CONFIDENCE RANKING: 1

It would be cool if SMU got good again.

 

Pinstripe Bowl: Maryland vs. Virginia Tech

CONFIDENCE RANKING: 7

pretty quotidian matchup imo

 

Cheez-It Bowl: Clemson vs. Iowa State

CONFIDENCE RANKING: 31

lol

 

Alamo Bowl: Oklahoma vs. Oregon

CONFIDENCE RANKING: 20

I guess you feel better about Oklahoma’s situation here? Yuck, what a bad end of the season for these programs.

 

Duke's Mayo Bowl: North Carolina vs. South Carolina

CONFIDENCE RANKING: 25

MAYO BOWL. "Hello. Yeah, this Head Ball Coach. He ran a what? Hey, I told you he can really go. Yeeaah, click clack."

 

Music City Bowl: Purdue vs. Tennessee

CONFIDENCE RANKING: 33

How many dying children does Purdue have????

 

Peach Bowl: Michigan State vs. Pittsburgh

CONFIDENCE RANKING: 28

I think Michigan State is actually not that good, but I am usually wrong.

 

Las Vegas Bowl: Arizona State vs. Wisconsin

CONFIDENCE RANKING: 22

I think Wisconsin is my least favorite “not a major villain” school.

 

Gator Bowl: Texas A&M vs. Wake Forest

CONFIDENCE RANKING: 40

I have been wrong about TAMU a lot this year but I feel like they’re gonna Blast Em even without that Calzone quarterback.

 

Sun Bowl: Miami (Fla.) vs. Washington State

CONFIDENCE RANKING: 21

They should ban WSU from bowl games. This has to be among the match-ups furthest 1-A colleges on the continent, right? Regular Washington is further, and I guess both Oregon schools are further.

 

Cotton Bowl: Alabama vs. Cincinnati

CONFIDENCE RANKING: 35

File this one under "I" for "I hate it."

 

Arizona Bowl: Boise State vs. Central Michigan

CONFIDENCE RANKING: 36

take your potato loving scientologist back, you freaks

 

Orange Bowl: Michigan vs. Georgia

CONFIDENCE RANKING: 38

I actually think it’s more likely Cincinnati beats Alabama but I know both Georgia and Alabama will win and I will be unhappy. This is like that Hans Christian Anderson story where the little girl freezes to death hallucinating about her grandmother, except in my case the grandmother is Big Dumb Jim Hardballs.

 

Outback Bowl: Arkansas vs. Penn State

CONFIDENCE RANKING: 8

Transitive property re: Auburn. It’s sad, those boy-hungry perverts taking out their lusts on the poor piggums.

 

Fiesta Bowl: Notre Dame vs. Oklahoma State

CONFIDENCE RANKING: 12

You can throw out the records when these two juggernauts collide

 

Citrus Bowl: Iowa vs. Kentucky

CONFIDENCE RANKING: 19

Kentucky has a better recruiting class than Auburn, awesome. I guess whichever Stoops is at Kentucky is going to stay there. It’s not natural for Kentucky to be good at football.

 

Rose Bowl: Ohio State vs. Utah

CONFIDENCE RANKING: 34

nah, I'm good. thanks though

 

Sugar Bowl: Baylor vs. Mississippi

CONFIDENCE RANKING: 23

Two awful programs staffed by terrible people, hateful. Almost every fan base deserves to lose, but these really deserve it. Fun fact: Baylor University is named after General Thomas University, who despite his name did not invent the University; instead he funded the institution's early years through sales of a novelty sex toy that was sold, to get around censorship and obscenity laws, as an automatic sheep milking machine.

 

Texas Bowl: Kansas State vs. LSU

CONFIDENCE RANKING: 18

Saving the best for last.

Tha Captainz 2021 PICK THEM PIX: Mamba Mia!!!!

Sorry about this.

BAHAMAS

(23) Toledo v MTSU

Toledo, Jamaica, oooh I wanna take ya to Toledo, Bahamas. whatever 

CURE

(37) Coastal Carolina v NIU

I thought they decided Chanticleers vs Huskies 65 million years ago

BOCA RATON

(18) Appalachian St. v WKU

Boc of Raton

NEW MEXICO

(41) Fresno St. v UTEP

Pat Hill's mustache. Mike Price's healthy libido. This matchup would've had it all in 2005 or whatever.

INDEPENDENCE

(40) BYU v UAB

Mormons vs Med Schools

LENDINGTREE

(36) Libearty v EMU

li-mu emuuuu

LA

(11) Utah St. v Oregon St.

Ok, busy, so the ones where I haven't written anything yet i'm just going to paste from the wikipedia article of the day: that's right it's Jameson's Mamba, baby.

NEW ORLEANS

(35) UL Lafayette v Marshall

Jameson's mamba (Dendroaspis jamesoni) is a species of highly venomous snake native to equatorial Africa. A member of the mamba genus Dendroaspis, it is slender with dull green upper parts and cream underparts and generally ranges from 1.5 to 2.2 m (4 ft 11 in to 7 ft 3 in) in length. Described by Scottish naturalist Thomas Traill in 1843, it has two recognised subspecies; the nominate subspecies from central and west Sub-Saharan Africa and the eastern black-tailed subspecies from eastern Sub-Saharan Africa, mainly western Kenya.

MYRTLE BEACH

(21) Tulsa v Old Dominion

My cousin knew a girl named Tulsa, I think. Which is funny because I knew a girl named Old Dominion.

POTATO

(17) Wyoming v Kent St.

It's easy and fun to make fun of the potato bowl, but potatoes are great and they deserve our respect.

FRISCO

(13) SDSU v UTSA

I thought they decided Aztecs vs Roadrunners 65 million years ago

ARMED FORCES

(24) Mizzou v Army

Some of those in armed forces (bowl), are the same who run crosses (crossing routes)

2 FRISCO 2 FURIOUS

(8) UNT v Miami (OH)

Predominantly arboreal, Jameson's mamba preys mainly on birds and mammals. Its venom consists of both neurotoxins and cardiotoxins. Symptoms of envenomation in humans include pain and swelling at the bite site, followed by swelling, chills, sweating, abdominal pain and vomiting, with subsequent slurred speech, difficulty breathing and paralysis. Fatalities have been recorded within three to four hours of being bitten. The venom of the eastern subspecies is around twice as potent as that of the nominate subspecies.

GASPARILLA

(12) UCF v Florida

Gusparilla

HAWAI'I

(20) Memphi's v Hawai'i

Look out! It's the Hawaii bowl.

CAMELLIA

(34) Georgia St. v Ball St.

I'll be there! Not.

QUICK LANE

(19) Nevada v WMU

Jameson's mamba was first described as Elaps jamesoni in 1843 by Thomas Traill, a Scottish doctor, zoologist and scholar of medical jurisprudence.[4] The specific epithet is in honour of Robert Jameson, Traill's contemporary and the Regius Professor of Natural History at the University of Edinburgh where Traill studied.[5] In 1848, German naturalist Hermann Schlegel created the genus Dendroaspis, designating Jameson's mamba as the type species.[6] The generic name is derived from the Ancient Greek words δένδρον (dendron, 'tree') and ἀσπίς (aspis 'asp').[7] The genus was misspelt as Dendraspis by French zoologist Auguste Duméril in 1856,[8] and went generally uncorrected by subsequent authors. In 1936, Dutch herpetologist Leo Brongersma corrected the spelling to the original.[9]

MILITARY

(7) Boston College v ECU

In 1936, British biologist Arthur Loveridge described a new subspecies D. jamesoni kaimosae, from a specimen collected from the Kaimosi Forest in western Kenya, observing that it had fewer subcaudal scales and a black (rather than green) tail.[10] Analysis of the components of the venom of all mambas places Jameson's mamba as sister species to the western green mamba (Dendroaspis viridis), as shown in the cladogram below.[11]

BIRMINGHAM

(27) Houston v Auburn

cat fight!

1ST RESPONDER

(6) Air Force v Louisville

bird fight!

LIBEARTY

(5) Mississippi St. v Texas Tech

Jameson's mamba is a long and slender snake with smooth scales and a tail which typically accounts for 20 to 25% of its total length. The total length (including tail) of an adult snake is approximately 1.5–2.2 m (4 ft 11 in–7 ft 3 in). It may grow as large as 2.64 m (8 ft 8 in).[12] The general consensus is that the sexes are of similar sizes, although fieldwork in southeastern Nigeria found that males were significantly larger than females.[13] Adults tend to be dull green across the back, blending to pale green towards the underbelly with scales generally edged with black. The neck, throat and underparts are typically cream or yellowish in colour. Jameson's mamba has a narrow and elongated head containing small eyes and round pupils. Like the western green mamba, the neck may be flattened. The subspecies D. jamesoni kaimosae, which is found in the eastern part of the species' range, features a black tail, while central and western examples typically have a pale green or yellow tail.[12] The thin fangs are attached to the upper jaw and have a furrow running down their anterior surface.[4]

HOLIDAY

(10) UCLA v NC St.

The number and pattern of scales on a snake's body play a key role in the identification and differentiation at the species level.[14] Jameson's mamba has between 15 and 17 rows of dorsal scales at midbody, 210 to 236 (Subsp.) jamesoni) or 202 to 227 ventral scales (Subsp. kaimosae), 94 to 122 (Subsp. jamesoni) or 94 to 113 (Subsp. kaimosae) divided subcaudal scales, and a divided anal scale.[a] Its mouth is lined with 7 to 9 (usually 8) supralabial scales above and 8 to 10 (usually 9) sublabial scales below, the fourth ones located over and under the eye.[16] Its eyes have three preocular, three postocular and one subocular scale.[12]

GUARANTEED RATE

(29) Minnesota v West Virginia

Jameson's mamba occurs mostly in Central Africa and West Africa, and in some parts of East Africa.[3] In Central Africa it can be found from Angola northwards to the Democratic Republic of the Congo, Republic of the Congo, Central African Republic, and as far north as the Imatong Mountains of South Sudan.[12] In West Africa it ranges from Ghana eastwards to Togo, Nigeria, Cameroon, Equatorial Guinea and Gabon.[3

FENWAY

(15) Virginia v SMU

In East Africa it can be found in Uganda, Kenya, Rwanda, Burundi and Tanzania.

PINSTRIPE

(14) Maryland v Virginia Tech

The subspecies D. jamesoni kaimosae is endemic to East Africa and chiefly found in western Kenya, where its type locality is located, as well as in Uganda, Rwanda, and the adjacent Democratic Republic of the Congo.[3] It is a relatively common and widespread snake, particularly across its western range. Fieldwork in Nigeria indicated the species is sedentary.[13]

CHEEZ-IT

(30) Clemson v Iowa St.

Spending the rest of the day making one of those D&D good/neutral/evil alignment things but with Cheez-It flavors.

ALAMO

(1) Oregon v Oklahoma

This was a tough call! Not a joke.

DUKE'S MAYO

(4) South Carolina v North Carolina

They should do a Star Wars tie-in where it's Dookoo's Mayo. Count Dookoo from Star Wars.

MUSIC CITY

(16) Tennessee v Purdue

Found in primary and secondary rainforests, woodland, forest-savanna and deforested areas at elevations of up to 2,200 metres (7,200 ft) high,[12] Jameson's mamba is an adaptable species; it persists in areas where there has been extensive deforestation and human development.

PEACH

(26) Michigan St. v Pitt

It is often found around buildings, town parks, farmlands and plantations.[12] Jameson's mamba is a highly arboreal snake, more so than its close relatives the eastern green mamba and western green mamba, and significantly more so than the black mamba.[13

LAS VEGAS

(31) Wisconsin v Arizona St.

Jameson's mamba is a highly agile snake. Like other mambas it is capable of flattening its neck in mimicry of a cobra when it feels threatened, and its body shape and length give an ability to strike at significant range. Generally not aggressive, it will typically attempt to escape if confronted.

GATOR

(22) TAMU v Wake Forest

In Nigeria males fight each other for access to females (and then breed) over the dry season of December, January and February;[13] mating was recorded in September in the Kakamega Forest in Kenya.[17] Jameson's mamba is oviparous; the female lays a clutch of 5–16 eggs; in Nigeria laying was recorded from April to June, and most likely soon after November in Uganda.[17] Egg clutches have been recovered from abandoned termite colonies.

SUN

(9) Washington St. v Miami (FL)

Jameson's mamba has been difficult to study in the field due to its arboreal nature and green coloration. It has not been observed hunting but is thought to use a sit-and-wait strategy, which has been reported for the eastern green mamba.

COTTON

(42) Alabama v Cincinnati

The bulk of its diet is made up of birds and tree-dwelling mammals,[13] such as cisticolas, woodpeckers, doves, squirrels, shrews and mice.[17] Smaller individuals of under 100 cm (40 in) in length have been recorded feeding on lizards such as the common agama, and toads. There is no evidence they have adapted to hunting terrestrial rodents such as rats,[13] though they have been recorded eating rodents in Kenya, and have accepted them in captivity.

ARIZONA

(39) Boise St. v CMU

The main predators of this species are birds of prey, including the martial eagle, bateleur, and the Congo serpent eagle. Other predators may include the honey badger, other snakes, and species of mongoose may also occasionally prey on the Jameson's mamba.

ORANGE

(28) Georgia v Michigan

Jameson's mamba is classified as a Snake of Medical Importance in Sub-Saharan Africa by the World Health Organization,[b][19] although there are few records of snakebites.[17] Field observations over a 16-year period in the Niger Delta in southern Nigeria found that both humans and snakes were most active in rural areas during the rainy season, April to August, hence rendering this a peak period for snakebite. As well as succumbing to snakebites, workers were reported to have perished from falling from trees after encountering Jameson's mambas in the canopy of trees in palm oil plantations.[20] Snake bites are rare in cities but more common in forested areas in countries such as the Democratic Republic of the Congo; the country's poor infrastructure and lack of facilities render access to antivenom difficult.

OUTBACK

(25) Penn St. v Arkansas

Like other mambas, the venom of the Jameson's mamba is highly neurotoxic

FIESTA

(32) Notre Dame v Oklahoma St.

Symptoms of envenomation by this species include pain and swelling of the bite site. Systemic effects include generalised swelling, chills, sweating abdominal pain and vomiting, with subsequent slurred speech, difficulty breathing and paralysis. Death has been recorded within three to four hours of being bitten;[17] there is an unconfirmed report of a child dying within 30 minutes.[22] With an average intravenous murine median lethal dose (LD50) of 0.53 mg/kg,[c] the venom of the eastern subspecies kaimosae is twice as potent as that of the nominate subspecies jamesoni at 1.2 mg/kg. The reason for this is unclear as the venom compositions are similar between the two subspecies, though kaimosae has higher concentrations of the potent neurotoxin-1.

CITRUS

(38) Iowa v Kentucky

Similarly to the venom of most other mambas, Jameson's mamba's contains predominantly three-finger toxin agents as well as dendrotoxins. Other toxins of the three-finger family present include alpha-neurotoxin, cardiotoxins and fasciculins.[11] Dendrotoxins are akin to kunitz-type protease inhibitors that interact with voltage-dependent potassium channels, stimulating acetylcholine and causing an excitatory effect,[24] and are thought to cause symptoms such as sweating.[25] Unlike that of many snake species, the venom of mambas has little phospholipase A2.[11] Although cardiotoxins have been isolated in higher proportions from its venom than other mamba species, their role in toxicity is unclear and probably not prominent.[22] The speed of onset of envenomation means that urgent medical attention is needed.[17] Standard first aid treatment for any bite from a suspected venomous snake is the application of a pressure bandage, minimisation of the victim's movement, and rapid conveyance to a hospital or clinic. Due to the neurotoxic nature of green mamba venom, an arterial tourniquet may be beneficial.[26] Tetanus toxoid is sometimes administered, though the main treatment is the administration of the appropriate antivenom.[27] Trivalent and monovalent[d] antivenoms for the black, eastern green and Jameson's mambas became available in the 1950s and 1960s.

ROSE

(33) Ohio St. v Utah

baybaaaay, doobeedoobeedoobee kiss from a roooose blah bla blah

SUGAR

(3) Baylor v Old Mist

I was stuck on this one for a little while but then remembered that Old Mist lost to Auburn.

TEXAS

(2) Kansas St. v LSU

I was stuck on this one for a little while but then remembered that LSU lost to Auburn.

Very likely neither of us will remember why this was the scoreboard theme

 

The Big Bowl Schedule of Bowl Games

Picks for the bowl games are due by Friday, December 17, at 11:00 am Central. Picks will be straight up as they have always been and always will be, and each pick will have a number between one (1) and forty-two (42), indicating Confidence. 

{v}{v}{v}{v}{v}{v}{v}{v}{v}{v}{v}{v}{v}{v}{v}{v}{v}{v}{v}{v}{v}{v}{v}

Dec. 17 - Bahamas Bowl: Middle Tennessee vs. Toledo (-10.5), ESPN, noon

Dec. 17 - Cure Bowl: Coastal Carolina (-10) vs. Northern Illinois, ESPN2, 6 p.m.

Dec. 18 - Boca Raton Bowl: Appalachian State (-3) vs. Western Kentucky, ESPN, 11 a.m.

Dec. 18 - New Mexico Bowl: Fresno State (-11.5) vs. Texas-El Paso, ESPN, 2:15 p.m.

Dec. 18 - Independence Bowl: BYU (-7) vs. UAB, ABC, 3:30 p.m.

Dec. 18 - LendingTree Bowl: Eastern Michigan vs. Libearty (-9), ESPN, 5:45 p.m.

Dec. 18 - LA Bowl: Oregon State (-7) vs. Utah State, ABC, 7:30 p.m.

Dec. 18 - New Orleans Bowl: Louisiana-Lafayette (-4.5) vs. Marshall, ESPN, 9:15 p.m.

Dec. 20 - Myrtle Beach Bowl: Old Dominion vs. Tulsa (-9.5), ESPN, 2:30 p.m.

Dec. 21 - Idaho Potato Bowl: Kent State vs. Wyoming (-3), ESPN, 3:30 p.m.

Dec. 21 - Frisco Bowl: San Diego State vs. UTSA (-2.5), ESPN, 7:30 p.m.

Dec. 22 - Armed Forces Bowl: Army (-3.5) vs. Missouri, ESPN, 8 p.m.

Dec. 23 - Frisco Football Classic: Miami (Ohio) vs. North Texas, ESPN, 3:30 p.m.

Dec. 23 - Gasparilla Bowl: Central Florida vs. Florida (6.5), ESPN, 7 p.m.

Dec. 24 - Hawaii Bowl: Hawaii vs. Memphis (-7), ESPN, 8 p.m.

Dec. 25 - Camellia Bowl: Ball State vs. Georgia State(-5), ESPN, 2:30 p.m.

Dec. 27 - Quick Lane Bowl: Nevada vs. Western Michigan (-3.5), ESPN, 11 a.m.

Dec. 27 - Military Bowl: Boston College (3) vs. East Carolina, ESPN, 2:30 p.m.

Dec. 28 - Birmingham Bowl: Auburn (-3) vs. Houston, ESPN, noon

Dec. 28 - First Responder Bowl: Air Force vs. Louisville (-1), ESPN, 3:15 p.m.

Dec. 28 - Liberty Bowl: Mississippi State (-8.5) vs. Texas Tech, ESPN, 6:45 p.m.

Dec. 28 - Holiday Bowl: North Carolina State (-1) vs. UCLA, Fox, 8 p.m.

Dec. 28 - Guaranteed Rate Bowl: Minnesota (-4) vs. West Virginia, ESPN, 10:15 p.m.

Dec. 29 - Fenway Bowl: SMU vs. Virginia (-1.5), ESPN, 11 a.m.

Dec. 29 - Pinstripe Bowl: Maryland vs. Virginia Tech (pk), ESPN, 2:15 p.m.

Dec. 29 - Cheez-It Bowl: Clemson vs. Iowa State (-1), ESPN, 5:45 p.m.

Dec. 29 - Alamo Bowl: Oklahoma (-4.5) vs. Oregon, ESPN, 9:15 p.m.

Dec. 30 - Duke's Mayo Bowl: North Carolina (-7.5) vs. South Carolina, ESPN, 11:30 a.m.

Dec. 30 - Music City Bowl: Purdue vs. Tennessee (-4.5), ESPN, 3 p.m.

Dec. 30 - Peach Bowl: Michigan State (-1.5) vs. Pittsburgh, ESPN, 7 p.m.

Dec. 30 - Las Vegas Bowl: Arizona State vs. Wisconsin (-7), ESPN, 10:30 p.m.

Dec. 31 - Gator Bowl: Texas A&M (-7) vs. Wake Forest, ESPN, 11 a.m.

Dec. 31 - Sun Bowl: Miami (Fla.) (-2.5) vs. Washington State, CBS, 12:30 p.m.

Dec. 31 - Cotton Bowl: Alabama (-13.5) vs. Cincinnati, ESPN, 3:30 p.m.

Dec. 31 - Arizona Bowl: Boise State (-8) vs. Central Michigan, 4:30 p.m.

Dec. 31 - Orange Bowl: Michigan vs. Georgia (-7.5), ESPN, 7:30 p.m.

Jan. 1 - Outback Bowl: Arkansas vs. Penn State (-2.5), ESPN2, noon 

Jan. 1 - Fiesta Bowl: Notre Dame (-2.5) vs. Oklahoma State, ESPN, 1 p.m.

Jan. 1 - Citrus Bowl: Iowa vs. Kentucky (-3), ABC, 1 p.m.

Jan. 1 - Rose Bowl: Ohio State (-6.5) vs. Utah, ESPN, 5 p.m.

Jan. 1 - Sugar Bowl: Baylor (-1.5) vs. Mississippi, ESPN, 8:45 p.m.

Jan. 4 - Texas Bowl: Kansas State (-1) vs. LSU, ESPN, 9 p.m.

T-T-T-T-TIEBREAKER (IF NEEDED): Jan. 10 - College Football Playoff championship game: Semifinal winners, ESPN, 8 p.m.

It's the end of 2021

 We have, you guessed it, another split title. Congratulations to everyone involved, except the players and coaches.

One good winner (but not here): 6-3 LW, 49-49 overalls Congratulations .500 participant

A different, lesser winner: 4-5 LW, 54-44 overhaul Congratulations .545 winner

{v}{v}{v}{v}{v}{v}{v}{v}{v}{v}{v}{v}{v}{v}{v}

{v}{v}{v}THE NICE BOOKIE PAYOUT{v}{v}{v}

{v}{v}{v}{v}{v}{v}{v}{v}{v}{v}{v}{v}{v}{v}{v}

The real winner: {v}285.73

A not real winner: {v}101.07

Week Thirteen is where the rubber meets the road.

Behold! The rubber meeting the road.

Old Mist +1 This seems like a no-brainer in that it takes no thought or consideration. Which is the usual meaning of no-brainer.

Mizzou +14.5 Did you see Missouri did a star wars thing? Not elaborating.

Georgia Tech +35 Rivalry games, etc.

Florida -2.5 Yes, indeed.

Auburn +19.5 Glad I don't have to do this anymore.

Tennessee -31 Imagining if Chuck-E-Cheese was called Rock-E-Cheese. Wild.

LSU +6.5 Jimmmboooooo

Kentucky +2.5 Not at Kroger Field.

Clemson -11 Well now this seems wrong but whatever.

{v}{v}{v}

1. {v}75.00 on Tennessee -7500 to win {v}1.00

2. {v}25.00 on Auburn +725 to win {v}181.25

More and more people are saying it's week 13

Old Mist (+1) v Mississippi State: Not sure why I think this but I do

Arkansas (-14.5): seems fine

Georgia (-35) v Georgia Tech: Tune up etc

Florida St. (+2.5) v Florida: When there's an interim coach, it's either a collapse or they play for him, and I'm guessing collapse

Auburn (+19.5): never in doubt

Vanderbilt v Tennessee (-31): Vanderbilt is not good

TAMU (-6.5) v LSU: I expected this line to be a little higher

Kentucky v Louisville (-2.5): Tough pick (because no one cares)

Clemson v South Carolina (+11): Looks like a big line for a struggling Clemson team

{v}{v}{v}

GIMME {v}52.94 on Old Mist vs MSU going UNDER 62.5, to win {v}48.13.

Week 13: Time to start picking for real

No more screwing around.

311: 3-4 (50-39)

Crazy Town: 3-4 (43-46)

Old Mist (+100) v Mississippi St. (-1, -120) (T:62)

Mizzou (+475) v Arkansas (-14.5, -700) (T:62.5)

Georgia (-35, -16500) v Georgia Tech (+6500) (T:54.5)

Florida St. (+115) v Florida (-2.5, -135) (T:59)

Alabama (-19.5, -1300) v Auburn (+725) (T:55)

Vanderbilt (+3250) v Tennessee (-31, -7500) (T:62.5)

TAMU (-6.5, -250) v LSU (+210) (T:45.5)

Kentucky (+115) v Louisville (-2.5, -135) (T:57)

Clemson (-11, -460) v South Carolina (+350) (T:43)

{v}{v}{v}

The Royal Tenenbaums: {v}52.94

A movie about Crazy Town: {v}309.73

Week 12: Nobody Knows or Cares

Just a vast expanse of nothing.

Kentucky -35.5

Alabama -20.5

Florida -8.5

Auburn -7.5

Old Moist -36.5

Tennessee -28

UL Monroe +29

{v}{v}{v}

1. {v}70.00 on Kentucky -20000 to win {v}0.35.

2. {v}5.00 on South Carolina +240 to win {v}12.00.

Week 12 is and always has been a Stranger Things reference

New Mexico State at Kentucky (35.5): I think I'm remembering this correctly: when I was in high school I got a New Mexico State polo at the thrift store. When I took the ACT, and it gave you an option of four schools to send your scores to, I couldn't think of four options. So, NMSU was one of the schools that got my score. The other unexpected one? St John's College, the Great Books school. 

Arkansas (+20.5) at Alabama: Seems high

Florida (-8.5) at Missouri: Why am I counting on Florida again, when all they do is let me down? You guessed it: I'm a moron

Auburn (-7.5) at South Carolina: Still a moron, but I think that Auburn going with a different quarterback won't be as big a deal. 

Vanderbilt at Old Mist (-20000, -36.5): sure

South Alabama (+28) at Tennessee: I've got State Pride

LaMonroe (+29) at LSU: Bad week of games

{v}{v}{v}{v}THE NICE BOOKIE{v}{v}{v}{v}

I got {v}50.

I guess gimme {v}50 on Alabama -1700, to win {v}2.94.

Week 12 is a week on the calendar

Sipping wine on a charming riverboat cruise on the scenic Douro River: 2-5 (40-42)

Throwing up in a canoe sinking into the Tombigbee: 4-3 (47-35)

;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) 

New Mexico State (+3000) at Kentucky (-20000, 35.5) (T:59.5)

Arkansas (+900) at Alabama (-1700, -20.5) (T:57.5)

Florida (-330, -8.5) at Missouri (+260) (T:69.5)

Auburn (-300, -7.5) at South Carolina (+240) (T:44.5)

Vanderbilt (+2800) at Old Mist (-20000, -36.5) (T:64.5)

South Alabama (+1500) at Tennessee (-4500, -28) (T:63)

LaMonroe (+2000) at LSU (-10000, -29) (T:57.5)

{v}{v}{v}{v}THE NICE BOOKIE{v}{v}{v}{v}

Demonstrating the difference between relative and absolute wealth: {v}297.38

Just plain bad: {v}50

Week 11 Voice: It's Week 11

My picks this week are really a "Beautiful Disaster."

New Mexico St. v Alabama (-51.5): This one is going to have me feeling "Down" from kick off. 

Mississippi St. v Auburn (-220): Auburn's SEC title hopes are very small, even marginal, but you've got to stay strong: be "Large in the Margin."

Georgia (-20.5) v Tennessee: Once Georgia goes back to being mediocre the way the Lord intended, they'll want this temporary period of superiority over Tennessee and Florida to be saved in "Amber." 

South Carolina (+1) v Mizzou: Who knows who will win a game between two bad teams with big flaws? This one's got me "All Mixed Up." 

TAMU (-2.5) v Old Mist: I'm impressed with Lane Kiffin's approach coaching; you can tell his attitude is to "Come Original." 

Kentucky v Vanderbilt (+21): Just getting through this game is going to be tough, so if you watch it, stay "Strong All Along." 

Arkansas (-2.5) v LSU: I'd like to watch a fight with some trash talk between these coaches, yelling out how they're going to win, yelling "You Can't Fade Me" and getting winded at each other. 

{v}{V}{v}

Time to double {v}153.13, then double it again, and still be behind. I guess not.

Gimme {v}103.13 on Auburn -220, to win {v}46.88

Tha Captainz Week Eleven Picks: Get A Load Of These Games Man Theyre Huuuuuuuuge (Tiny Elvis (SNL) reference)

Tiny Elvis thought everything was huge.

Alabama -51.5  Hey man look at that spread it's huuuuuuge

Auburn -5.5  Hey man look at tha captainz commitment to this bit it's huuuuuuge

Tennessee +20.5  Hey man look at the perceived gap between Georgia and every other team in the country it's huuuuuuge

South Carolina +1  Hey man look at that lamp it's huuuuuge (i am done trying to be clever)

Old Mist +2.5  Hey man look at that other lamp it's huuuuuuge

Kentucky -21  Hey man look at yet a third lamp it's huuuuuuge

LSU +2.5  Hey man look at that unprecedented fourth lamp it's huuuuuge

{v}{v}{V}

1. {v}70.00 on Alabama -13392 to win {v}0.52

2. {v}6.00 on Tennessee +750 to win {v}45.00

Week EEEleven (That can't be right, stranger things reference)

Boldly Going Where No One Has Gone Before: 5-2 (43-32)

Baldly Going Where Many Have Gone Before: 2-5 (38-37)

------------------------------------------------------------------------

New Mexico St. (+4464) v Alabama (-13392, -51.5) (T:67)

Mississippi St. (+180) v Auburn (-220, -5.5) (T:50)

Georgia (-1400, -20.5) v Tennessee (+750) (T:56)

South Carolina (-105) v Mizzou (-115, -1) (T: 55)

TAMU (-140, -2.5) v Old Mist (+120) (T: 55.5)

Kentucky (The only Kent I Tucky that is genius -1600, -21) v Vanderbilt (+800) (T:52)

Arkansas (-135, -2.5) v LSU (+115) (T:59)

{v}{V}{v}

Bold: {v}153.13

Bald: {v}302.86

(to the tune of "Cheap Thrills"): Captain, I don't need covid bux to have fun tonight/I'll pick week ten

Missouri (+38) at Georgia: The classic SEC East showdown we all know and love

Liberty at Old Mist (-9.5): Liberty is overrated

Auburn (+4.5) at TAMU: I think Auburn will not lose to TAMU this year, but they will next year

Mississippi State (+5) at Arkansas: shrug emoji

LSU (+28.5) at Alabama: no logic to LSU's results this season.

Tennessee (+1) at Kentucky: the only Kent I tucky is the loser of this football game

Florida (-18) at South Carolina: South Carolina has been in the SEC for almost 30 years and I still do not care

{v}{v}{v}{v}{v}{v}{v}{v}{v}{v}{v}{v}{v}

Dealing {v}103.13 a.k.a. "the big money"

Gimme {v}55 on Missouri-Georgia going under 59.5, to win {v}50

Please Do Not Put My Week Ten Picks "On Blast"

Don't do it.

Georgia -38

Li-Bear-Ty +9.5

Auburn +4.5

Mississippi St. +5

Alabama -28.5

Tennessee +1

Florida -18

{v}{v}{v}

1. {v}100.00 on Alabama -10000 to win {v}1.00.

Week ten? Can that be right?

Like a bouquet of chrysanthemums: 2-2 (36-32)

In great dismay at this wack dum-dum: 1-3 (38-30)

{v}{v}{v}{v}{v}{v}{v}{v}{v}{v}{v}{v}{v}

Missouri (+4000) at Georgia (-38 -100000) (T:59.5)

Liberty Liberty Liberrrty (+300) at Old Mist (-9.5 -380) (T:67.5)

Auburn (+170) at TAMU (-4.5 -200) (T:50)

Mississippi State (+170) at Arkansas (-5 -200) (T:55.5)

LSU (+2000) at Alabama (-28.5 -10000) (T:66)

Tennessee (-105) at Kentucky (-1 -115) (T:57)

Florida (-1000 -18) at South Carolina (+650) (T:52.5)

{v}{v}{v}{v}{v}{v}{v}{v}{v}{v}{v}{v}{v}

Probably going to win: {v}301.86

The opposite of the above: {v}103.13

SPOOKY Picks

Mizzou (-16) vs Vanderbilt: Vanderbilt is very bad. Uh, bad at being Vampires (spooky).

Georgia vs Florida (+14.5): just got a feeling you know? A spooky feeling (spooky).

Old Mist vs Auburn (-2.5): I think Auburn being at home is the difference here, a very scary place to play (spooky).

Kentucky (-1.5) vs Mississippi St.: Seems like a pick ... a spooky (spooky) pick.

{v}{v}{v}

I have {v}102.22 to turn into {v}900 more. Going to start small. 

Gimme {v}2.22 on Florida +440, to win {v}9.77

Gimme {v}25 on Missouri -800, to win {v}3.13

Tha Captainz Pix Week 9: My Son Dresses Like A Dork And I Am Here For It Edition

Oh, right. Spooky Season.

Mizzou -16  ghosts

Georgia -14.5  ghouls

Auburn  -2.5  haunted cemeteries

Kentucky  -1.5  regular cemeteries

oooOOOOooo

{v}{v}{v}

1. {v}46.00 on Old Mist +120 to win {v}55.20.

2. {v}40.00 on Georgia -645 to win {v}6.20.

Week 9: 4 More Games

Last year's wackadoo season was the first time we had ever had as few as 4 pickable games in a real week. Now it's happened twice in a row in this absolutely normal, non-wackadoo season. 

I'm not looking it up but I don't think they've usually clumped the bye weeks like this. All but three teams have been off in either Week 8 or 9. It also seems like more teams got all of their non-conference (non-con) games out of the way early? This is three straight weeks without a pickable non-con (non-conference) game. Before last season (wackadoo), we had never even had two consecutive weeks like that.

Well anyway, have at it.

Sturdy: 3-1 (37-27)

Turdy: 2-2 (34-30)

Mizzou (-16, -800) vs Vanderbilt (+525) (T:63)

Georgia (-14.5, -645) vs Florida (+440) (T:50.5)

Old Mist (+120) vs Auburn (-2.5, -140 truly testing my commitment to the picking Auburn bit) (T:66)

Kentucky (-1.5, -130) vs Mississippi St. (+110) (T:47)

{v}{v}{v}

Handsome: {v}102.22

Handsy: {v}341.66

Tha Captainz Week 8 Pix: Thinking about timecube again

Four games can only mean one thing: i am thinking of timecube. not elaborating.

LSU +9.5  See I told you he could circle the wagons. I think "Coach O" is going to be roaming the sidelines of Tiger Stadium for years and years to come!

Vanderbilt +21  Being almost as good as South Carolina means Vanderbilt are much better than I thought they were.

Alabama -25  This is finally it. This is the year Alabama beats Tennessee.

TAMU -21  Being almost as bad as Vanderbilt means South Carolina are much worse than I thought they were.

{v}{v}{v}

1. Once again, I'm counting on you jumbo. {v}85.00 on TAMU -1700 to win {v}5.00.

Big 8 Picks

 LSU (+9.5) at Old Mist: Rally round the Corch

Missississippi State (-21) at Vanderbilt: bad team

Tennessee (+1500) at Alabama (-25): seems like a lot but Tennessee is failing apart

South Carolina at TAMU (-21): TAMU is good now

{v}{v}{v}{v}{v}{v}{v}{v}A NICE BOOKIE{v}{v}{v}{v}{v}{v}{v}{v}

Working with {v}110 yikes!!

Gimme {v}10 on LSU +290, to win {v}29.

Gimme {v}100 on Alabama (-4500) vs Tennessee, to win {v}2.22

Week 8(0s rap music collection)

TOTALS:

Like Slick Rick and Too Short combined: 4-3 (32-28)

Short Dick and Slick Toots: 5-2 (34-26)

______________________________________________________________

It's a very light schedule this week, so let's take a walk down memory lane. 

LSU (+290) at Old Mist (-9.5 -350) (T:76) Doug E. Fresh - The Show

Missississippi State (-21 -1600) at Vanderbilt (+900) (T:51) Schoolly D - PSK What Does It Mean?

Tennessee (+1500) at Alabama (-25 -4500) (T:67.5) Public Enemy - Fight the Power  

South Carolina (+900) at TAMU (-21 -1700) (T:45) Big Daddy Kane - Set It Off

{v}{v}{v}{v}{v}{v}{v}{v}A NICE BOOKIE{v}{v}{v}{v}{v}{v}{v}{v}

As stylish as Doug E. Fresh: {v}336.66

Wearing knock off Adidas track suit: {v}110

Tha Captainz Pix: Very Wrong Edition

Wrong.

Auburn +3.5  This is a great bit.

LSU +10  You can't spell "Circle the WagOns" without an O (Coach O, that is!).

Mizzou +9  Sorry Jumbo.

Kentucky +23.5  Wow is my "minus" key broken or something lol.

South Carolina -18.5  No, it's fine.

Alabama -17.5  Literally didn't see what happened last week so - for me - it didn't happen.

Tennessee +3  The only Ten-I-See? I'm going to do the thing again where I pretend that I put this here as a placeholder with the intention of revisiting it with a good joke. But, honestly, the best jokes are the friends we made along the way. 

{v}{v}{v}

1. {v}100.00 on Alabama -1000 to win {v}10.00.

It's Picks! (like it's Pat)

Auburn (+3.5) v Arkansas: I think the Tigers (you guessed it) got a little something for them

Florida (-10) v LSU: They're probably not going to fire Ed O this season, but if they lose bad to Florida, they might

TAMU (-9) v Mizzou (+270) (T:60.5): Missouri is bad, but TAMU seems primed for a letdown. Dumb.

Kentucky (+23.5) v Georgia: Too big a line for the game after Auburn for Georgia.

Vanderbilt v South Carolina (-18.5): who cares

Alabama (-17.5) v Mississippi St.: I assume this is going to be one of those getting crushed after an Alabama loss games, but I also lost most of my bankroll last week assuming Alabama was good. 

Old Mist (-3) v Tennessee: Hard to get a read on Tennessee this year, but it looks like they're not very good. Old Mist is going to beat Auburn. 

{v}{v}{v}

lol {v}135.40 

time to jump back in 

Gimme {v}35.40 on Kentucky +1000, to win {v}354

Gimme {v}100 on Alabama -1000, to win {v}10

Week Se7en (E) (Stranger Things Reference)

 Last Week:

Sir Charles: 4-3 (29-24)

Sir Googling "How to un eat cat litter:" 3-4 (28-25)

Auburn (+155) v Arkansas (-3.5, -180) (T:53.5)

Florida (-10, -420) v LSU (+315) (T:58.5)

TAMU (-9, -340) v Mizzou (+270) (T:60.5)

Kentucky (+1000) v Georgia (-23..5, -2200) (T:44.5)

Vanderbilt (+725) v South Carolina (-18.5, -1300) (T:51)

Alabama (-17.5, -1000) v Mississippi St. (+625) (T:57.5)

Old Mist (-3, -150) v Tennessee (+130) (T:80.5)

{v}{v}{v}

Sir Charles: {v}135.40

Sir Doing Something Stupid: {v}326.66

mmm time to get fired from my job for visiting this website aka tha captainz week six pix

doing this from my chrome book in the dark

tennessee -10.5

florida -38.5

arkansas +6

auburn +14.5

mizzouri -19

LSU +3

Alabama -18 

those don't seem like what i was going to pick earlier but whatever. yea i was going to pick tamu and say nobody circles the wagons like jumbo but, again, whatever. the only one i know i was going to do was lsu. theyre good they almost beat auburn who i am picking as a bit and will continue to do so forever.

i can't find the bracket keys on this thing in the dark but bracket v bracket v etc

1. bracket v bracket 500.00 on alabama -1000 to win parentheses check my math parentheses bracket v bracket 50.00

Definitely not going to say something rude in the title

South Carolina at Tennessee (-10.5): South Carolina is not good. Tennessee is not good, but South Carolina is much worse. Their best game of the year is not losing bad to Kentucky? Barely covering against Troy?

Vanderbilt at Florida (-38.5): This line seems high but Vanderbilt is extremely bad.

Arkansas at Old Mist (-6): Seems right. I think Ole Miss can get lucky. Who knows.

Georgia at Auburn (+14.5): throwing this pick away. 

North Texas (+19) at Missouri: Missouri has a weird schedule

LSU at Kentucky (-3): LSU is a team in trouble.

Alabama (-18) at TAMU: Free money

{v}{v}{v}{v}THE NICE BOOKIE{v}{v}{v}{v}

I got {v}608.32, and I'm going to lose this part of the contest.

Gimme {v}500 on Alabama to beat TAMU, to win {v}50.

Gimme {v}108.32 on Tennessee to beat South Carolina, to win {v}27.08.

[Good moral band voice]: Now pick Week Six

I feel like I already did a PfP joke but oh well. 

Too cool for school: 5-3 (25-21) 

Too dumb to plumb: 3-5 (25-21)

South Carolina (+330) at Tennessee (-10.5 -400) (T: 56.5): 

Vanderbilt (+4000) at Florida (-38.5 -100000) (T: 59.5): 

Arkansas (+180) at Old Mist (-6 -220) (T: 66.5): 

Georgia (-14.5 -600) at Auburn (+450) (T: 46): 

North Texas (+700) at Missouri (-19 -1250) (T: 67.5): 

LSU (+140) at Kentucky (-3 -160) (T: 50.5):  

Alabama (-18 -1000) at TAMU (+650) (T: 51.5): 

{v}{v}{v}{v}THE NICE BOOKIE{v}{v}{v}{v}

Poor man: {v}826.66

Poorer yet man: {v}608.32

Tha Captainz Week 5 Pix: It's time to wake up the guy from green day lol

Somebody better go wake him up. The guy from green day.

Arkansas +18.5  

Tennessee +3

Alabama -14.5

Troy +7

Kentucky +8

TAMU -7

UConn +14.5

Auburn +3.5   Yes, I'm picking Auburn as a bit now.

---

{v}{v}{v}

1. {v}275.56 on LSU -175 to win {v}157.46

Pretty good line-up this week for WEEK FIVE PICK THEM PICKS

Arkansas (+18.5) v Georgia: The Hogs will definitely lose, but I like their chances to keep it close-ish. 

Tennessee (+3) v Mizzou: Feel bad about Missouri, can't put my finger on it

Old Mist (+14.5) v Alabama: It would be funny if someone who never watched football watched the Arky-Uga game and then this one back-to-back.

Troy (+7) v South Carolina: I like Troy's chances to win outright. 

Florida (-8) v Kentucky: Florida seems like they're firing on all of the proverbial cylinders, probably guarantees a letdown.

Mississippi St. v TAMU (-7): TAMU will be mad

UConn (+14.5) v Vanderbilt: two of the worst teams in America, no telling what will happen. 

Auburn (+3.5) v LSU: real sicko stuff here

{v}{v}{v}

I got {v}797.22. This is a good week of games, so it means fewer sure things. 

Gimme {v}102.30 on Florida (-330) to beat Kentucky, to win {v}31

Gimme {v}98.60 on TAMU (-290) to beat Mississippi State to win, {v}34

Gimme {v}8.89 on Tennessee (+135) to beat Missouri, to win {v}12

You Can't Spell "Week Five" Without 3e

Mayonnaise: 3-5 (22-16) [you were 19-11 going into last week and not 20-11 as you shamefully wrote in your post]

Miracle Whip: 3-5 (20-18)

Arkansas (+700) v Georgia (-18.5, -1200) (T:48.5)

Tennessee (+135) v Mizzou (-3, -160) (T:64.5)

Old Mist (+430) v Alabama (-14.5, -625) (T:79.5)

Troy (+225) v South Carolina (-7, -275) (T:45)

Florida (-8, -330) v Kentucky (+265) (T:55)

Mississippi St. (+240) v TAMU (-7, -290) (T:46)

UConn (+445) v Vanderbilt (-14.5, -655) (T:51.5)

Auburn (+150) v LSU (-3.5, -175) (T:55.5)

---

{v}{v}{v}

Good and Faithful Servant: {v}797.22

Fool and Girthful Savant: {v}1,102.22

Tha Captainz Week 4 Pix: Very Special You Can't Do That On Television (what with the slime and all) Edition

These matchups - much like Jake from State Farm - sound hideous.

LSU -2.5 This is the only where I have even a smidge of confidence.

Vanderbilt +35 Remember when gameday went to Vanderbilt and then Alabama beat them by one hundred points

Mizzou -2 Boston College is one of only five IA programs without "University" in it's official name. However, it's the only one with the word "Boston" in it's official name. Every team is a unique and special snowflake and I have had it up to here with the no-university-in-the-name-shaming.

Arkansas +5.5 I hope they wear those uniforms from a few years ago that I liked. They won't.

Auburn -27 Coming off a tough loss and looking ahead to LSU, I really expect Auburn to come out laser-focused. Not. What am I doing

Tennessee +20 The only Ten-I-See? Remember to put a joke here before you post, idiot. Don't just leave this in there like a rube. I don't know, maybe something like "the ten minutes that this game will be interesting!" or "the ten beers I will drink during this game!" Just something lighthearted like that; Charles will like it. I hope! Well, anyway just make sure you erase all this.

South Carolina +5 This game, despite happening every year, has left no cultural impact. It's like Avatar.

Alabama -45 Throw out the records. It's rivalry time, baby.

---

{v}{v}{v} 

1. {v}600.00 on Auburn (oh my god what am i doing) at -6000 to win {v}10.00.

2. {v}3.00 on LSU at -135 to win {v}2.22.

3. {v}2.00 on South Carolina at +180 to win {v}3.60.

4. {v}5.00 on Tennessee at +800 to win {v}40.00.

Still pickin' like the day I was born

 LSU at Mississississippi State (+2.5): This is going to be a fun game to watch this week. 

Georgia (-35) at Waaa-nderbilt: Gross

Missouri (-2) at BC: A baffling game, why is this

TAMU (-5.5) at Arky: My head says yes, but my heart says I hate both of these teams.

Georgia State (+27) at Auburn: eh

Tennessee (+20) at Florida: Tennessee's recent mediocrity really drives home the importance of coaching. 

Kentucky (-5) at South Carolina: Looks like I'm mostly picking road games, seems fine

Southern Miss (+45) at Alabama: In a big rivalry game like this, you can throw out the records

{v}{v}{v}{v}{v}{v}{v}{v}{v}{v}{v}{v}{v}{v}{v}{v}{v}{v}

Working with {v}731.18, and it is becoming apparent that my whole approach to this part of the Pick Off is "not learning lessons." 

Gimme {v}500 on Auburn (-6000), to win {v}8.33

Gimme {v}100 on Kentucky (-210), to win {v}47.62

Gimme {v}131.18 on Florida (-1300), to win {v}10.09

I looked, and behold, a pale horse; and he who sat on it had the name Week Four, and Picks were following with him

Mysteries and secrets not to be written down: 5-4 (Overalls: 17-13)

Regular mysteries and secrets that you can write down in a notebook or w/e: 8-1 (Overalls: 20-11)

>:(  >:(  >:(  >:(  >:(  >:(  >:(  >:(  >:(  >:(  >:(  >:(  >:(  >:(  >:(  >:(

LSU (-2.5) (-135) at Mississississippi State (+115) (T:56)

Georgia (-35) (-50000) at Waaa-nderbilt (+3500) (T:53)

Missouri (-2) (-130) at BC (+110) (T:59)

TAMU (-5.5) (-210) at Arky (+180)) (T:48)

Georgia State (+1600) at Auburn (-27) (-6000) (T:57)

Tennessee (+800) at Florida (-20) (-1300) (T:63)

Kentucky (-5) (-210) at South Carolina (+180) (T:48)

Southern Miss (+4000) at Alabama (-45) (-100000) (T:58)

{v}{v}{v}{v}{v}{v}{v}{v}{v}{v}{v}{v}{v}{v}{v}{v}{v}{v}

Bringing balance to the universe: {v}1,100

Not bringing balance to the universe: {v}731.18

can someone explain the Week 3(E) thing I don't get it but I've been acting like I do for several years

slowdowntheremaestrothere'saNew Mexico v TAMU (-28.5): sure

Alabama v Florida (+16.5) (good joke): The real joke is me idiotically picking against Alabama.

Georgia Southern v Arkansas (-23.5): Sam Pittman really driving home the difference between "good coach" and "good coach for [school]"

Mississippi St. v Memphis (+3.5): Upset alert?

South Carolina (+31) v Georgia: pretty gee dee sickening

Auburn v Penn St. (-6): Been going back and forth in this o/u which is Definitely a sign to bet on it

Central Michigan (+19.5) v LSU: Upset alert??

#AddTulane v Old Mist (-14): Add Tulane you cowards

Samford (-11) v Vanderbilt: Go Bull Dogs

{v}{v}{v}{v}{v}{v}{v}{v}{v}{v}{v}{v}{v}{v}{v}{v}{v}{v}

I'm off to an objectionable start at {v}735.00. 

Gimme {v}55 on Auburn v Penn State going under 53, to win {v}50.

Gimme {v}55 on #AddTulane v Old Mist going under 74, to win {v}50

Gimme {v}100 on Georgia (-8500) over South Carolina, to win $1.18