Friday, December 31, 2010

we interrupt your regularly scheduled programming for this hatepost

CRY LITTLE GIRL
HEY SUCK IT GEORGIA FANS YOU OBNOXIOUS JERKWADS. BURN DOWN AND DON'T REBUILD. YOU WILL PROBABLY WIN THIS GAME BUT THAT IS BECAUSE YOU ARE PLAYING CENTRAL FLORIDA IN A NEW YEAR'S EVE BOWL GAME AND THAT IS A FATE WORSE THAN DEATH ITSELF.

3e bowl pick them 2010: asterisks aplenty


Tuesday, December 28, 2010

little did I realize


that it was tha captain all along!

Saturday, December 25, 2010

3e bowl pick them 2010: murry xmas, brah. sorry bout the snow.

One last little holiday lull before shit gets CRISIS on the 27th. And this CRISIS don't stop til aught 11, playa.


For the record, VEGASBOT still owns our shit at 6 - 1.

Friday, December 24, 2010

Merry Christmas, pagans

Jeremiah 10:2-5
2 Thus saith the Lord, Learn not the way of the heathen, and be not dismayed at the signs of heaven; for the heathen are dismayed at them. 3 For the customs of the people are vain: for one cutteth a tree out of the forest, the work of the hands of the workman, with the axe. 4 They deck it with silver and with gold; they fasten it with nails and with hammers, that it move not. 5 They are upright as the palm tree, but speak not: they must needs be borne, because they cannot go. Be not afraid of them; for they cannot do evil, neither also is it in them to do good.

BEEPBOOPBEEPBEEPBEEPBOOPBEEPBOOPBOOPBEEPBEEPBEEPLOLOL

Monday, December 20, 2010

Didn't run this idea past the PR department, did we?

Simpson College is a liberal arts school located in Indianola, Iowa. Like many colleges, they have an online services and information portal to look up classes, pay bills, etc. Unlike many colleges, they named it after a white supremacist web forum.

That's right. Simpson students log in to StormFront.

Thursday, December 16, 2010

well there you go

CRISIS games (Tha Captainz Pix listed firzt):

12/21: Louisville v Southern Miss
12/27: Ga Tech v Air Force
12/28: Iowa v Missouri
12/29: Arizona v Okie St
12/30: Tennesse v UNC
12/31: Clemson v USF
12/31: Florida St v South Carolina
01/01: Penn St v Florida
01/01: Michigan v Miss St
01/03: Va Tech v Stanford
01/04: The Ohio St v Arkansas
01/07: TAMU v LSU

Charles Bowl Picks

New Mexico Bowl: BYU vs. UTEP
What is worse, bowls with silly names (uDrove Humanitarian) or bowls with no names (New Mexico)? I like UTEP but they are losers and their team sucks. Also I like Bronco Mendenhall a lot more than Mike "Dumb Enough to Buy Whores with a University Expense Card" Price.
My pick: MORMONS

uDrove Humanitarian: Northern Illinois vs. Fresno State
NIU was upset in the MAC title game and also their coach left. FSU West has a worse record, but they've lost to better teams.
My pick: FRESNO STATE

R+L Carriers New Orleans: Ohio vs. Troy
I learned today that Ohio has never won a bowl game. History means a lot to me.
My pick: TROY

Beef 'O' Brady's St. Petersburg: Louisville vs. Southern Miss
This is a bowl name that's too easy to make fun. For several moments I was confused that this was a game when I first saw it, but then I remembered Louisville is no longer in C-USA (new division names: Losers and Forgettables). I don't really have a good reason to pick either of these teams.
My pick: SOUTHERN MISS

MAACO Las Vegas: Utah vs. Boise State
I think Boise State is roughly as good as TCU, who beat Utah real bad. I think Boise will be disappointed and it won't be a blow-out, but I still expect them to carry even this crappy bowl game.
My pick: BOISE STATE

San Diego County Credit Union Poinsettia: San Diego State vs. Navy
I watched part of the Army-Navy game and I was not terribly impressed with Navy's defense. San Diego State has moreover looked pretty good this season, losing to four games but all pretty close and all to decent teams.
My pick: SAN DIEGO STATE

Sheraton Hawaii: Tulsa vs. Hawaii
I think Todd Graham is kind of a dick.
My pick: HAWAI'I

Little Caesars: Florida International vs. Toledo
So this is a bowl game in Detroit, for a bunch of kids from south Florida, playing on an FIU team that won six games.
My pick: TOLEDO

AdvoCare V100 Independence: Georgia Tech vs. Air Force
I do like the option. I am assuming that Josh Nesbitt will not be able to play, but if he can he will still probably be rusty.
My pick: AMERICA'S AIR FORCE

Champs Sports: NC State vs. West Virginia
Champs is an interesting bowl consolation for two teams that lost their conference/division championships in the last game of the season. Losers. I was going to go with NCSt but I think the coaching situation in West Virginia will galvanize the Mounties.
My pick: WEST BY GOD VIRGINIA

Insight: Iowa vs. Missouri
I am going with the team with the better offense, defense, coach, and record, so long as it has fewer recent arrests/suspensions. I do think Iowa is a little better than people think, though.
My pick: MISSOURI

Military Bowl Presented By Northrop Grumman: Maryland vs. East Carolina
I was just in Maryland!
My pick: MARYLAND

Texas: Illinois vs. Baylor
Ron Zook is not a great coach. I like that Baylor quarterback. Also, in the Who Wants to Be Here More contest, I think Baylor has an advantage.
My pick: BAYLOR

Valero Alamo: Oklahoma State vs. Arizona
Arizon has faced a couple of OSU-caliber offenses so far this season, and they gave up big points both times. Oklahoma State's two losses came to better teams than Arizona's five, and Arizona had a big losing streak. Also, I like Mike Gundy.
My pick: OKLAHOMA STATE

Bell Helicopter Armed Forces: SMU vs. Army
There's both a Military Bowl and an Armed Services Bowl? I like June Jones and also Army football loses bowl games. Army's logo looks like it should be a unit in a Super Nintendo game.
My pick: PONY EXPRESS

New Era Pinstripe: Kansas State vs. Syracuse
With two teams with equal records, I tend to pick based on who had the tougher schedule, and that's KSU. Also somebody on my trivia team (Suck It Trebek) is a KSU alum.
My pick: KANSAS STATE

Franklin American Mortgage Music City: North Carolina vs. Tennessee
Tennessee has beaten exactly one decent team this year (Kentucky). FSU, Clemson, and East Carolina are all at least that good, and they're all UNC wins. Also I would like to compare a couple of close calls: Tennessee barely beat UAB in overtime; North Carolina barely lose to LSU.
My pick: NORTH CAROLINA

Bridgepoint Education Holiday: Nebraska vs. Washington
Wait, what? Why is this a bowl game, even ignoring the already-played-one-blowout-game factor?
My pick: NEWBRASKA

Meineke Car Care: Clemson vs. USF
Kyle Parker should have taken the money; the Auburn game alone shaved three years off his life expectancy. Also, USF beat Miami, who beat Clemson. That's math.
My pick: SOUTH FLORIDA

Hyundai Sun: Miami vs. Notre Dame
Wake the echoes, right. These teams are bad. Miami just lost a coach, while Notre Dame has a good coach in Brian Kelly. Also Notre Dame looks like they improved at the end of the season, while Miami didn't.
My pick: CATHOLICS

AutoZone Liberty: UCF vs. Georgia
Georgia's having a down year, and UCF has ten wins, but I won't let a C-USA title trick me. UGA's got too much offense.
My pick: GEORGIA

Chick-fil-A Peach Bowl: Florida State vs. South Carolina
I don't think FSU's got the defense to stop South Carolina's talented offense. Also, Ponder isn't playing, is he? The thing that makes me question this pick is that Spurrier hasn't been a great bowl coach.
My pick: SOUTH CAROLINA

TicketCity: Northwestern vs. Texas Tech
Oh, Tubby! You might remember that Northwestern has never won a bowl game, and they'll be without their regular quarterback. On the other hand, TTU has really beaten anybody of note. Still, hard to pick against out hero the catfish cooker. Also, why is something called the TicketCity Bowl playing on New Years' Day?
My pick: TEXAS TECH

Outback: Penn State vs. Florida
Neither of these are particularly good teams, but Florida is not as not good. I doubt this game will be as exciting as last year's rendition. Even though he kind of tricked them last year, I think Florida's players will show up for their coach on his way out. On the other hand, I doubt Paterno recognizes most of his players.
My pick: FLORIDA

Capital One: Michigan State vs. Alabama
Two disappointed teams. Also, did you know Nick Saban used to be the head coach at Michigan State? It's true! Alabama is a better team, even though I hate to admit it.
My pick: Alabama

Gator: Michigan vs. Mississippi State
How fun. Michigan playing Mississippi State, much less as an underdog, in a bowl game is something that would have been hard to imagine a few years ago. I think a good rule is to go with the coach that is rumored to be leaving for a better job, not the one rumored to be leaving for being fired.
My pick: MISSISSISSIPPI STATE

Rose Bowl Game presented by VIZIO: Wisconsin vs. TCU
I might be overly influenced by Bret Bielema stomping some folks, but I have trouble imagining this Wisconsin offense being stopped. I haven't watched a ton of TCU games, but the thing in my mind is the recentish Auburn-Wisconsin Citrus Bowl, wherein the highly regarded Auburn defense just couldn't handle the big, effective Wisconsin offense. That's what I see here.
My pick: WISCONSIN

Tostitos Fiesta: Oklahoma vs. Connecticut
Except for this one, all the BCS bowls should be at least watchable and mostly
good games. Way to dick things up, Fiesta Bowl.
My pick: OKIES FROM MUSKOGEE

Discover Orange: Virginia Tech vs. Stanford
It's difficult for me to get a handle on how good Virginia Tech actually is. They lost those first two and then went victorious in a mediocre ACC. I think Luck is the best single player in the game.
My pick: SAMFORD

Allstate Sugar: Arkansas vs. Ohio State
I am inclined to pick Arkansas solely on OSU's past failures against SEC teams. But also I am an SEC homer, as the talk radio people would say. Legitimate reasons: Arkansas has played a much tougher schedule; I think both Auburn and Alabama would beat OSU.
My pick: ARKANSAS

GoDaddy.com: Miami (Ohio) vs. Middle Tennessee
MTSU beat both Western Kentucky and Florida International by only one point each.
My pick: MIAMI (OH!)

AT&T Cotton: Texas A&M vs. LSU
I still refuse to believe that TAMU is a good team, but LSU is only half of a good team. Both teams lost close games to Arkansas. LSU's close game with Auburn is more impressive than beating Nebraska or Oklahoma, in my opinion. I am taking the Tigers in a close one. Again, let me point out that Mike Sherman is not a good coach.
My pick: LSU

BBVA Compass Bowl: Pittsburgh vs. Kentucky
I am going to miss the nightmare pizza mascots. I would have picked Kentucky, but with the Stach leaving, I think Pitt shows up to get rowdy (?) and beat Kentucky, who is without their regular quarterback.
My pick: PITT

Kraft Fight Hunger: Boston College vs. Nevada
Nothing fights hunger like an unnecessary bowl game in California. At least Nevada has beaten a good team.
My pick: NEVADA

Tostitos BCS National Championship Game: Auburn vs. Oregon
Auburn has played the tougher schedule and has more experience with close games so far. Also, are you willing to bet against Cam Newton? I wouldn't. If Oregon wins, though, it won't be a surprise, because these Ducks are pretty good. I think Chip Kelly is a genius.
My pick: AUBURN

Tha Captainz Pix

So Xcited.

Lines are current Sportsbook.com lines as of this afternoon.

New Mexico Bowl
UTEP v BYU(-11.5)
I wonder how many years Mike Price thought he was going to be at UTEP before getting a better job. I wonder if it was more than two.
Tha Captainz Choice: bYu

Humanitarian Bowl
Fresno St. v Northern Illinois(-1)
This line has gone back and forth. Jerry KILL is leaving and Pat HILL is never going anywhere.
Tha Captainz Choice: Fresno

New Orleans Bowl
Ohio v Troy(-2.5)
Temple should probably be in a bowl game ahead of Ohio, but I love that little bobcat logo so I’m going to choke down my complaints. Ohio is probably the more excited team, but Troy has to be so much better that it won‘t matter.
Tha Captainz Choice: Troy

Beef O’Brady’s Bowl
Southern Miss v Louisville(-3)
Good Grief O’Grady’s.
Tha Captainz Choice: Louisville

Las Vegas Bowl
Boise St.(-17) v Utah
I might have been tempted to pick Utah if they hadn’t gotten bitchskulled by Notre Dame and if Boise hadn’t bounced back as well as they did. Never go against Boise in a bowl game is what I always say from now on.
Tha Captainz Choice: Boise

Poinsettia Bowl
Navy v San Diego St.(-4.5)
Brady Hoke should be 1) coach at a more prominent football school 2) on the Sopranos.
Tha Captainz Choice: SDSU

Hawaii Bowl
Hawaii(-10) v Tulsa
Actually, I assumed Tulsa had dropped their football program after Gustav left. Name a Tulsa player. Any Tulsa player from any time period. I had to think for a minute, but I remembered Paul Smith as a former Tulsa player. You don’t forget a name like that.
Tha Captainz Choice: Hawaii

Little Caesar’s Pizza Bowl
Florida International v Toledo(-1.5)
Congratulations, Baby Jesus. You’ll always remember your first bowl game. Whenever I think about FIU, I always think of the episode of the Simpsons where a new area code leads to Olde and New Springfields. Olde Springfield finds gold in a riverbed, gets even richer, Kent Brockman gets blinged out and says on the news, “from now on, we’ll all be taking GOLDEN showers.” Somebody offstage giggles and Kent doesn’t get it. The Florida International GOLDEN Panthers. FIU is the only team in a bowl game for whom I can’t name a single player, current or former.
Tha Captainz Choice: Toledo

Independence Bowl
Georgia Tech v Air Force(-3)
Total game time: 2:23. Total passes thrown: 17. These are both hilariously possible.
Tha Captainz Choice: Georgia Tech

Champs Sports Bowl
West Virginia(-3) v NC State
This one was close. Tom O’Brien knows bowl games. Bill Stewart knows whittlin. Go with the guy with the knife.
Tha Captainz Choice: WVU

Insight Bowl
Missouri(-1) v Iowa
Corn meth derp.
Tha Captainz Choice: Iowa

Military Bowl
Maryland(-7) v East Carolina
Muffin McNeil is a pretty big dude. Imagine if Fridge hadn’t lost the weight that he has.
Tha Captainz Choice: Derps

Texas Bowl
Baylor(-1) v Illinois
I don’t know. Baylor will be all BRILED up? Illinois will probably win.
Tha Captainz Choice: Baylor

Alamo Bowl
Arizona v Oklahoma St.(-5.5)
Arizona can’t possibly be as bad as they were in the Holiday Bowl last year. I thought for a while about T. Boone PICKENs Okie St.
Tha Captainz Choice: Arizona

Armed Forces Bowl
SMU(-8) v Army
Pony Exce$, baby.
Tha Captainz Choice: SMU

Pinstripe Bowl
Kansas St. v Syracuse(PK)
Other than the TBCSNCG, this was the last holdout. I’ve seen bookies with each of them as the favorite. When in doubt, go with the team that isn’t Syracuse.
Tha Captainz Choice: Kansas St.

Music City Bowl
Tennessee v North Carolina(-2)
NC has suspended players. UT has badass back-tats. My head says UNC. Heads lie.
Tha Captainz Choice: Tennessee

Holiday Bowl
Washington v Nebraska(-14)
UDub wins! ß SARKasm!
Tha Captainz Choice: Nebraska

Meineke Car Care Bowl
Clemson(-5) v USF
I have very little to say about this.
Tha Captainz Choice: Clemson

Sun Bowl
Notre Dame v Miami(FL)(-3)
Big, flashy names. Dull, mediocre football.
Tha Captainz Choice: Notre Dame

Liberty Bowl
UCF v Georgia(-6.5)
Probably more points than the UCF/MissSt Liberty Bowl from a few years ago. Georgia probably wins the East next year.
Tha Captainz Choice: Georgia

Peach Bowl
Florida St. v South Carolina(-3)
No better way to give a big ‘fuck you’ to aught 10.
Tha Captainz Choice: Florida St.

Ticket City Bowl
Texas Tech(-9.5) v Northwestern
If NW couldn’t win that Outback Bowl last year, they will never win a bowl game ever.
Tha Captainz Choice: Tech

Outback Bowl
Penn St. v Florida(-7.5)
Head says Florida. However, mouth has been telling Sean all year that the Big 10 wins 2 of the 3 guaranteed Jan. 1 matchups with the SEC this year.
Tha Captainz Choice: Penn St.

Citrus Bowl
Alabama(-9.5) v Michigan St.
If we were doing one of those confidence points things, this would be my 35 pointer.
Tha Captainz Choice: Bammer

Gator Bowl
Michigan v Mississippi St.(-4.5)
Head says State. See Outback Bowl.
Tha Captainz Choice: Michigan

Rose Bowl
Wisconsin v TCU(-2)
Soooo many decision changes on this one. My head says the last time a team was scoring at this clip it was 08 Oklahoma and the pre-bowl layoff and solid ‘fence of Florida stopped it pretty well. Ostensibly, TCU’s ‘fence is pretty good too. My heart says I hate Wisconsin and they’ll probably win.
Tha Captainz Choice: Wisconsin

Fiesta Bowl
Oklahoma(-17) v Connecticut
Mmmhmm.
Tha Captainz Choice: Oklahoma

Orange Bowl
Virginia Tech v Stanford(-3.5)
Harbaughball is hard to say.
Tha Captainz Choice: VaTech

Sugar Bowl
The Ohio St.(-3.5) v Arkansas
Petrinoball is easy to say but it conjures up some bad shit, man.
Tha Captainz Choice: Tosu

GoDaddy.com Bowl
MTSU v Miami(OH)(-1)
Did you know that in Microsoft Works, pressing ctrl d inserts the current date? Check it: 12/16/10. I just learned that! I don’t know why I’m picking the team with the coach leaving for a better job while I’m picking against teams with retiring/forcedtoleave coaches whom the players probably will go all out for. But there’s one thing I NEVER do and that’s change a pick.
Tha Captainz Choice: Miami

Cotton Bowl
Texas A&M v LSU(-1.5)
OMG, IDK. TAMU isn’t even that good. With any kind of QB, LSU would be in the TBCSNCG. LOL.
Tha Captainz Choice: TAMU

BBVA Compass Bowl
Kentucky v Pitt(-3.5)
Eeeek. If Wannscock weren’t leaving, I would pick Pitt. Maybe I should anyway. He’s not leaving for a better job. What’s wrong with me? Alright, fuck it, I’m changing it.
Tha Captainz Choice: Pitt

Kraft Fights Hunger Bowl
BC v Nevada(-9.5)
Take THAT, hunger.
Tha Captainz Choice: Nevada

National Championship
Auburn(!)(-3) v Oregon
I don’t know what to say. War Eagle.
Tha Captainz Choice: Auburn

3E protected friendships

By popular demand:

Scrott - Filly: Blondes stick together.
Tred - Charlie: Internet games. Dog owners.
West - Juicebot: Ghanaian car selling scam investment partners.

Wednesday, December 15, 2010

Uncomfortable plot summaries

Not an entirely accurate name, but these are fun. Also once you start making them, it's irresistible. My favorites:

HARRY POTTER: Celebrity Jock thinks rules don’t apply to him, is right.
LOLITA: Man encourages step-daughter to take chances.
LORD OF THE RINGS: Midget destroys stolen property.
LOVE ACTUALLY: Prime Minister risks war with United States over a sexy secretary.
SE7EN: Homicide detectives unable to prevent even a single murder by admitted serial killer, killer gives cop head.
WORLD TRADE CENTER: Rag-tag group of underdogs succeed at a massive undertaking despite overwhelming odds, credit success with faith in God.

Some I wrote:

Inception: Troubled widower sleeps better with professional help.
Forrest Gump: Mentally disabled Vietnam vet watches his wife die.
The Green Mile: Prison guards fail to subvert the law; condemned prisoner executed.
Arrested Development: Failing family business exacerbates personality disorders, substance abuse.
The Chronicles of Narnia: Contemporary Christology not bloodthirsty enough for some.

Monday, December 13, 2010

3E Announces New Divisional Format

BIRMINGHAM, Al - In an emergency drinking session, Tri-Epsilon, America's foremost micro-fraternity, unanimously voted to divide its members into two divisions. The distribution has been meticulously designed to maintain traditional friendships. One division consists of former DMX members while the other is composed of the core Starcraft bloc. Each member has one "designated friend" from the opposite division with whom they will maintain a yearly friendship.

Division A: Scrott, Tred, West

Division B: Juicebot, Charlie, Filly

3E plans to announce division names at a later date.

Monday, December 06, 2010

Friday, December 03, 2010

Friday game

Taberinos is fun.

Wednesday, December 01, 2010

this just in



know your meme!

if you were trying to make fun of him...

you couldn't do a better job that he does.



The part of me that still believes there's something good in the world wants this to be a joke.

Tuesday, November 30, 2010

Tuesdays with Charles

Charles stayed close to the door, holding his mother's hand. He could never remember being in a hospital before, and he had never been near a dead or dying person, but he could feel a palpable sense of death's approach in the crowded room, and it frightened him, especially since everyone in the room stared at him as soon as he entered. Just as terrifying was the man laying in the bed twenty feet away, breathing heavily with the aid of a machine. Everyone, including Charles, called him Big Daddy, though he was not of course Charles's actual father, but rather his great-grandfather. At only six years old, Charles had heard enough to know and to fear Big Daddy, despite having rarely seen him. He squeezed closer to his mother's leg.

Big Daddy had been only an idea, a phantom, until about a year ago, until Scott, the youngest child of Big Daddy's youngest daughter, and the only son of any of Big Daddy's four daughters, had been killed in a car accident. Scott had seemed unapproachably adult and mature to Charles, though he was in reality still only in college and mourned as the death of a child by his family. A few weeks later, Big Daddy came to visit, though Charles never saw him, being sternly instructed to stay upstairs in his room. Then there had been shouting and fights, and Charles heard about Big Daddy no more, until today.

Now the old man's glassy eyes sharpened up, looking at Charles's mother. "The boy," he wheezed, "He's here. Let me see him. Let me talk."

No one moved, and at first Charles wasn't sure he'd actually heard anything. Then he realized that his mother was unsure what to do, and her indecision scared him. Finally, she reached down and picked him up. He turned and looked back to the closed door as she carried him to the bed.

"Sit him down here, let me talk to him," Big Daddy said. His mother only complied halfway, standing Charles down on the floor two feet away from the bed. Charles turned and looked and knew he was watching a person die.

"Come here, come here son, I have to talk to you. I have to tell you something."

Charles edged closer, slowly. Suddenly a jaundiced, scabbed hand shot out, grabbing his arm and dragging him closer to the bed. Another reached out, shoving his mother away. Big Daddy leaned in close.

"You know," Big Daddy whisper so low that only Charles could hear him, and barely, "I've always done things the way I knew they needed to be done. You won't understand it now, but I've always done what I had to do, and I did it the way I wanted. I've done some things I wish I hadn't, but it made me strong. It made me powerful, and feared. You're scared now, aren't you?"

Charles nodded, tears slowly welling in his eyes.

"That's good, but you shouldn't be. You need to know, and you need to remember. You have to understand."

Suddenly Big Daddy began to cough, violently. Loud beeps and noises filled the room. The family was shoved away as nurses, and then doctors, crowded in around the bed.

Big Daddy began waving his arms wildly, shoving a nurse aside and almost falling off the bed as he reached out to grab Charles, pulling him close again.

"You have to remember this, Charles. You have to know this." Big Daddy was panting, his mouth bleeding. "Know this one thing, that my father told me, and his father told him, and now I'm telling you."

Charles looked, and the room seemed to stop all its motion.

"You've got to understand, haters gonna hate."

A doctor pulled Big Daddy back onto the bed. Charles's mother grabbed him and ran out of the room. Neither of them ever saw Big Daddy again.

Tuesday, November 23, 2010

Monday, November 22, 2010

On prison

On December 4, 1991, Terry Anderson was released from captivity. He had been the last and the longest-held American hostage in Lebanon. I spoke to Keron Fletcher, a former British military psychiatrist who had been on the receiving team for Anderson and many other hostages, and followed them for years afterward. Initially, Fletcher said, everyone experiences the pure elation of being able to see and talk to people again, especially family and friends. They can’t get enough of other people, and talk almost non-stop for hours. They are optimistic and hopeful. But, afterward, normal sleeping and eating patterns prove difficult to reëstablish. Some have lost their sense of time. For weeks, they have trouble managing the sensations and emotional complexities of their freedom.

For the first few months after his release, Anderson said when I reached him by phone recently, “it was just kind of a fog.” He had done many television interviews at the time. “And if you look at me in the pictures? Look at my eyes. You can tell. I look drugged.”
-Hellhole: Is long-term solitary confinement torture?
Alas, in so many ways Guantánamo is not the exception but far closer to the rule of our criminal justice system, and the case of Omar Khadr, rather than being an anomaly of the War on Terror, is in all too many ways positively all-American. To be sure, taking a child soldier you've captured in a foreign land, whose interrogation entailed stringing him up half-naked in a five-foot-square cell with wrists chained to the bars at eye level and a hood clamped tightly over his face, then prosecuting him for "murder" because he allegedly tossed a grenade on a foreign battlefield, does present some legal issues that don't ordinarily come up in Spokane or Chillicothe.

But Gitmo, a "betrayal of American values"? Would that it were! Alas, for nearly every grisly tabloid feature of the Khadr case, you can find an easy analog in our everyday criminal justice system. In a sense, much of our War on Terror has proven a slightly spicier version of our "normal" way of doing criminal justice. Using the case of Omar Khadr, let's take this step by step.
-Guantanamo: Exception or Rule?

Friday, November 19, 2010

THAT is hardcore.

Keyboard player. He really gets the limelight at about 2:40.

Wednesday, November 17, 2010

srsly?

Is the US falling behind?

You may be interested to know that the new "top dog" on the
"Top 500" list, the list of biggest, baddest, and fastest
computers is the Chinese Tianhe-1A system at the National
Supercomputer Center in Tianjin.

Second place is Cray XT5 Jaguar system at the U.S. DOEs, Oak Ridge
Leadership Computing Facility in Tennessee. Third place is now held
by the Chinese system Nebulae at the National Supercomputing Centre
in Shenzhen. Number four is Tsubame 2.0 at the Tokyo Institute of
Technology, and number five s Hopper, a Cray XE6 system at DOEs
National Energy Research Scientific Computing.

Of the top ten, only five are in the US, the others in China (two)
Japan, France, and Germany (one each). see http://www.top500.org/

To add some context... these machines are not built to break records,
but rather to perform scientific research and engineering. Supercomputing
allows researchers to simulate environments; the more powerful the
computer, the larger and more detailed the simulation. For example, a
(big enough) computer could simulate the working of a human cell at the
atomic level, or help manufacturers speed product development by allowing
engineers to design, change and test products in virtual environments
before producing physical prototypes.

But probably more important rankings are the "BCS Standings", "AP Top 25",
"USA Today Poll", and "ESPN.com's Power Rankings" where Auburn maintains
the number 2 position!


War Eagle,

A. J.

Monday, November 15, 2010

Friday, November 12, 2010

l' affaire newton



I don't know if that's accurate but I like it. The way I see it this has to break down in one of three ways:

1. Cecil Newton solicited money for his son Cam "Cameron Newton" Newton to play football at Mississippi State University (and, presumably, at Auburn). There's a lot to hint this way, but little tangible proof.

2. Kenny Rogers is a con man, trying to trick deep-pocket alums out of hundreds of thousands of dollars. He seems like a shady guy, and this would explain why the FBI is involved. On the other hand, why would his lawyer let him change his story in order to say something so easily falsifiable?

3. Cecil Newton solicited money for his son Cam Newton to play football at Mississippi State University (and, presumably, at Auburn), and Kenny Rogers is a con man, trying to trick big spending alumni out of hundreds of thousands of dollars.

I have no idea which one of these is correct. I think Mississippi State holds the key -- if some of their people come out and say that Newton(s) did ask for money, that's it. On the other hand, they too might have their own cheater-related reasons for keeping this quiet, meaning that nothing comes of all this.

Oregon Trail knock-off Friday

1. Organ Trail

2. Thule Trail

Wednesday, November 03, 2010

3E is unique and fluctuates

Your 3E:
Your 3E is EVERY ESSENTIAL ELEMENT that helps you function optimally. Your 3E is unique and fluctuates; so knowing how to find your 3E easily is useful. The 3E process engages your own wisdom to work on behalf of what you really want.
That's pretty accurate, I think, but this is my 3E. More:
The 3E design is a culmination of six years conditioning my world and personal view, 22 years professionally supporting fortune 500's, non-profits and social entreprenuerships, and one particularly clear headed and hearted morning with my journal. Since that day, 3E has supported an emergence of inner wisdom that surprises and guides me, EVERY DAY! It catches my drifting, procrastination, ultimate agendas and especially my enthusiasm to support new patterning and progress. This momentum shows up with ease and light-heartedness even as it directs me toward engaging with people who face considerable obstacles in their own self conditioning.
Why is everyone trying to steal our brand? Actually, I know why: it's because we're awesome. Also, I am thinking lawsuit. Or more likely, perhaps some kind of licensing deal -- most of that does describe 3E in its fullness. 3E is large; 3E contains multitudes.

Monday, November 01, 2010

the lil'est terr'ist



Adorable.

I would like to see something terrible happen to the dickhole who boxed up live cats, though.

Friday, October 29, 2010

Two geography things

1. Latitudes not Attitudes: I think this guy actually underestimates some foundational importance in terms of geography and civilization. Example the first: Eurasia runs mostly east-west, so you can easily transmit ideas along similarly hospitable climes. Africa and the Americans run north-south, meaning that culture will be divided by climate as deserts, jungles, etc split peoples up. Example the second: Europe has many, many more navigable river miles than Africa does. It's easy to get around most of Europe by boat (which until about 150 years ago was the fastest and cheapest way to move stuff), while it's almost impossible in most of Africa. So, I think he doesn't give enough importance to geography and the early forms of civilization.

But in other ways he overestimates it. The divergences between Western Europe and China in the 1800s and 1900s were not due to geography, at least not the way that he explains it. That had more to do with political and social competition, culture, and just plain luck of the draw. If anything, geographic advantages hindered Chinese gains -- they had everything they needed, why scrabble for advantage? Europeans, in a relatively poorer spot and with more capable competitors, faced a different situation.

2. You Have No Idea How Big Africa Really Is (But This Map Does): actually yes I did have an idea thank you internet.

Tuesday, October 26, 2010

Sunday, October 24, 2010

LOLCAMS

SOMEONE WITH MORE MOTIVATION, MAKE IT HAPPEN. IF IT HASN'T ALREADY. YOU COULD SAY FUNNY THINGS LIKE TACKLING UR DOIN IT WRONG, I CAN HAZ HEIZMAN?, OR I AM IN UR END ZONES STEALIN UR LAPTOPS OR OTHER HILARIOUS THINGS. SO CLEVER.

Friday, October 22, 2010

Thursday, October 21, 2010

rock on, student section.

Dear Auburn Students,


No place rocks like Jordan-Hare Stadium. I know that and you know that, but others are taking notice. Here's what Chris Low of espn.com said about Jordan-Hare earlier this week:


"There are a lot of places that rock around the SEC, and there are a lot of places around this conference that hold noise and make you feel like your ear drums are about to explode. But it’s that way from the opening kickoff at Auburn and only picks up steam from there. I’ve been to just about all the stadiums in the league the last few years, and I say with confidence that Jordan-Hare Stadium is as consistently loud and electric throughout the game as any stadium I’ve been to, and I think it’s gotten even more intense this season."


I could not have said it any better myself. When I asked you to go "All In" earlier this season, you answered the challenge. I'm asking you to bring it even louder and stronger this Saturday as we host the LSU Tigers. It will be the toughest test we have faced all season, and the stakes could not be higher.


Student gates will open 45 minutes earlier than normal, starting at 11:45 a.m. So come early, be loud and stay late! You are the best student section in the country, and I can't tell you how much your support means to our players. Thanks again for making Jordan-Hare Stadium the loudest and most electric stadium in the country. Keep it up!


See you Saturday.


War Eagle!


Gene Chizik

Head Football Coach

Calvin and Hobbes


Here's a (the?) list of 25 great Calvin and Hobbes strips. You could, of course, pick 25 random strips and have just as good a list, because that's how good Calvin and Hobbes was.

(the above is one of my favorites)

Wednesday, October 20, 2010

Saturday, October 16, 2010

Ole Miss football

Ole Miss, Completely Out of Character, Selects a Black:
Ole Miss has made its selection for mascot, turning away from the somewhat racially uncomfortable Colonel Reb, and instead embracing the regionally indigenous black bear.   The proposed design shows that the bear itself is not actually black, but instead kinda brown.  I would argue that, at Ole Miss, being black is a state of mind.

Thursday, October 14, 2010

2 touchdowns?

Dear Auburn Students,



This weekend, we will face our most difficult challenge so far this season when the 12th-ranked Arkansas Razorbacks visit Jordan-Hare Stadium. Just like our football team, you as students have risen to every challenge we've put in front of you.



It's difficult to quantify how valuable our student section and fans are, but in my mind, it's a two-touchdown advantage. If not for your energy and excitement, we may not have been able to capture victories against Clemson and South Carolina.



I want to challenge you again this Saturday. We need you in Jordan-Hare Stadium early and for you to be loud and energetic the entire game. Arkansas has the top-ranked passing offense in the Southeastern Conference and nothing is more difficult on a passing team than a loud crowd. Student gates will open 45 minutes earlier than normal, starting at 11:45 a.m. Come early, and stay late!



As you know, the game will be the marquee matchup in the SEC this weekend and will air before a national audience on CBS. Let's show college football fans across the country and everyone in Jordan-Hare Stadium that Auburn has the loudest and most energetic students in the nation.



I also want you to know how much I appreciate the class and sportsmanship that you demonstrate each and every week. Auburn is a special place, and we need you to help us keep it that way.



War Eagle!



Gene Chizik

Wednesday, October 13, 2010

Tuesday, October 12, 2010

Monday, October 11, 2010

Place names

All vernacular place names, personal names, and names of roads or rivers encode important knowledge. Some of that knowledge is a thumbnail history; for example Maiden Lane denotes the lane where five spinster sisters once lived, while Cider Hill Road is the road up the hill where the Cider Mill and orchard once stood. At one time, when the name became fixed, it was probably the most relevant and useful name for local inhabitants. Other names refer to geographical features: Mica Ridge Road, Bare Rock Road, Ball Brook Road. The sum of roads and place names in a small place, in fact, amounts to something of a local geography and history if one knows the stories, features, episodes, and family enterprises encoded within them.

For officials who require a radically different form of order, such local knowledge, however quaint, is illegible. It privileges particular knowledge over synoptic, standardized knowledge. In the case of colonial rule, when the conquerors speak an entirely different language, the unintelligibility of the vernacular landscape is a nearly insurmountable obstacle to effective rule. Renaming much of the landscape therefore is an essential step of imperial rule. This explains why the British Ordinance Survey of Ireland in the 1830s recorded and rendered many local Gaelic place names (e.g., Bun na hAbhann, Gaelic for “mouth of the river”) in a form (Burnfoot) more easily understood by the rulers.
The Trouble With the View from Above

Saturday, October 09, 2010

Mario Fusion



I want to play this game but can't figure out how to get it or if it is even real. Spartan Armor Mario is adorable!

Friday, October 08, 2010

Friday zombie games

Stop the Zombies! is dumb, but Zombie4 is awesome. Kids don't need all these fancy graphics.

Wednesday, October 06, 2010

Tuesday, October 05, 2010

We need to buy one of these

I think this would totally be worth $250. Depending on how many people chipped in for photos, we could get it down to double-dollar-digits each.

Sample image:

Monday, October 04, 2010

wait what

what. that's it wikipedia, we're through. you too, ireland.

Monkey Monday

Sunday, October 03, 2010

Best description of Les Miles' luck

Somewhere, there’s a portrait of Les Miles losing close game after close game.
here

Thursday, September 30, 2010

Pill traders report rimjob trading 'surprisingly active'


Prison Economy Spirals As Price Of Pack Of Cigarettes Exceeds Two Hand Jobs

I fucked him up bad in the libarry. But, hey, that's the way the market's gonna be for a while.

Wednesday, September 29, 2010

Saturday, September 25, 2010

saturday live thread aka things i would have txtd the chuckwagon had i not dropped my phone in the toilet last night

What a terrible bunch of early games.

Actually, I guess that's it. Bye!

UPDATE: Tennessee is bad. Poor lil UAB kicker.

UPDATE: "It's not gonna be a run if it's a pass." -Chris Spielman

UPDATE: Is UCLA good? Who cares.

actual student work.... mine!

Thursday, September 23, 2010

Wednesday, September 22, 2010

Tuesday, September 21, 2010

RIP Irvin Penfield

I hope the football team wears black this weekend.

3E party footage



Really, Satisfaktion? Couldn't think of anything to add?

Monday, September 20, 2010

tears of joy



This is the greatest thing that civilization has produced.

Saturday, September 18, 2010

I think you'll get the joke

Winnipegg Kilpatrick
Yellohnyfe O'Brien
Thundar Bai McNulty
Saskatune Donnegan
Northwest Turritoriez O'Flaherty
Halifacks McGilicutty

etc.

this guy's pretty bizarre, gus

Thursday, September 16, 2010

what's troubling gus

ATTENTION: spelling change

All 3Es: As necessary please employ the following words when writing official documents.

Charl(3)Es
W(3)Est
Rog(3)Ers
T(3)Ed
Lov(3)E
(3)Eric

When necessary (speeches, press releases, etc), feel free to note: "The (3) is silent."

Wednesday, September 15, 2010

Dear Auburn students,

I am writing you today with a challenge. I want to challenge the Auburn Family to go "All In" for Auburn. This Saturday, we host Clemson in a nationally televised game that has the chance to give us some real momentum as we head toward the middle part of what will be a long season.

As you probably know by now, ESPN's College Football GameDay will be our guest in Auburn this weekend. Hosting GameDay is a great opportunity to show the nation what the Auburn Family is all about.

To start things off, I want to invite you to meet me on the green space between The Village Dining Hall and the Student Entrance at Auburn Arena at 8:00 p.m. tonight, Wednesday, Sept. 15. I look forward to this chance to speak to you, to thank you and to let you know how much your support means to our players.

We want Jordan-Hare to be rocking Saturday night well before kickoff, but we also want to show the nation how strong the Auburn spirit is when GameDay begins its live broadcasts Saturday morning at 8 a.m. on the east side of the stadium. So bring your signs, show your spirit and help us send the message that Auburn is a special place.

It's still early, and we have a lot of big games ahead of us, but let's get fired up and ready for the Clemson Tigers.

Thanks for being the best student section in the country. I hope to see you tonight as we talk about what "Auburn Family, All In" really means.

War Eagle!

Coach Gene Chizik

Hewitt-Trussvile representin'

I made fun of Brandon Cox, too, until he graduated and then Auburn sucked. :(

PS suck it florida fans, Tebow's rhino-build can't match Auburn's glass-limbed white boys. And don't talk to me about Brantley.

highest rated comment:

He seems so agile. Surprising! I would have thought his enormous balls would have got in his way more.

Monday, September 13, 2010

Metal Monday

I wish I'd known about the Summer of Mallett sooner

Was glad that some of the skanks I ran into this weekend exhibited better ball security than we did on Saturday. #skanks
NOT Ryan Mallett

Saturday, September 11, 2010

Friday, September 10, 2010

Thursday, September 09, 2010

Wednesday, September 08, 2010

World air travel

College football experience etc

This is fantastic. Why didn't the WSJ put this out earlier?

Sunday, September 05, 2010

Friday, September 03, 2010

this shit is precambrian

I can't stop listening to this album. Somebody help plz.

Best touchdown of day one

Thursday, September 02, 2010

WTF??? STUPIDITY!

The Discovery Channel gunman went crazy because of shows like Jon and Kate Plus Eight. When the news came out I thought it was fake.
1. The Discovery Channel and it's affiliate channels MUST have daily television programs at prime time slots based on Daniel Quinn's "My Ishmael" pages 207-212 where solutions to save the planet would be done in the same way as the Industrial Revolution was done, by people building on each other's inventive ideas. Focus must be given on how people can live WITHOUT giving birth to more filthy human children since those new additions continue pollution and are pollution. A game show format contest would be in order. Perhaps also forums of leading scientists who understand and agree with the Malthus-Darwin science and the problem of human overpopulation. Do both. Do all until something WORKS and the natural world starts improving and human civilization building STOPS and is reversed! MAKE IT INTERESTING SO PEOPLE WATCH AND APPLY SOLUTIONS!!!!
This is my favorite part:
FIND SOLUTIONS JUST LIKE THE BOOK SAYS! Humans are supposed to be inventive. INVENT, DAMN YOU!!
That's the part that made me assume this was a fake, some kind of new reality show.

Whatever this crazy actually wanted to accomplish, all he's done is started a new internet meme.

You know what today is

Wednesday, September 01, 2010

Tuesday, August 31, 2010

Monday, August 30, 2010

Saturday, August 28, 2010

Simpsons Saturday

One of my favorites: What's a gym?

Friday, August 27, 2010

Friday game

Creeper World Training Sim. It's good enough that I briefly considered buying the full version. Of course I didn't because I am cheap and poor, but I did consider it.

Wednesday, August 25, 2010

now we know what happens...

when tha captainz away from his rudder. Weather posts.

Never a good sign

They said on the news this morning that the high temperature for the week is going to be 94, and I thought to myself how much cooler and more comfortable that sounded.

I'm ready for winter to be here.

Tuesday, August 24, 2010

Monday, August 23, 2010

Sunday, August 22, 2010

Saturday, August 21, 2010

University bloat

Enrollment at America’s leading universities has been increasing dramatically, rising nearly 15 percent between 1993 and 2007. But unlike almost every other growing industry, higher education has not become more efficient. Instead, universities now have more administrative employees and spend more on administration to educate each student. In short, universities are suffering from “administrative bloat,” expanding the resources devoted to administration significantly faster than spending on instruction, research and service.

Between 1993 and 2007, the number of full-time administrators per 100 students at America’s leading universities grew by 39 percent, while the number of employees engaged in teaching, research or service only grew by 18 percent. Inflation-adjusted spending on administration per student increased by 61 percent during the same period, while instructional spending per student rose 39 percent. Arizona State University, for example, increased the number of administrators per 100 students by 94 percent during this period while actually reducing the number of employees engaged in instruction, research and service by 2 percent. Nearly half of all full-time employees at Arizona State University are administrators.

A significant reason for the administrative bloat is that students pay only a small portion of administrative costs. The lion’s share of university resources comes from the federal and state governments, as well as private gifts and fees for non-educational services. The large and increasing rate of government subsidy for higher education facilitates administrative bloat by insulating students from the costs. Reducing government subsidies would do much to make universities more efficient.
Administrative Bloat at American Universities

Friday, August 20, 2010

BBC Dimensions

I can't remember if we've featured something like this before, but it's fun.

Speaking maps: here's another.

Tuesday, August 17, 2010

this just in

Juicebot sighted recently in outdoor exhibit



Please stay tuned for more updates

Justin Beiber week lives

it never really ended

Monday, August 16, 2010

Friday, August 13, 2010

Saturday, August 07, 2010

Friday, August 06, 2010

Thursday, August 05, 2010

Nutritious vegetables

Eating all your vegetables was a lot better for you in the '50s. Store-bought veggies weren't as pretty back then, but according to USDA data, they were packed with a lot more nutrients than their modern counterparts. The likely reason for the nutritional drop is that hybrid crops are often bred for size and color, not nutrients. Below, the stats for a few crops that have gone to seed.
Looks Great, Less Nutritious? | Don Kenn