Here's the song that sums up my approach to the Bowl Pick Them

Praise the Lord and pass the scotch

VERY SPECIAL: I'M JUST GOING TO KEEP DOING THESE EVERY DAY UNTIL THEY MAKE ME NOT COME TO WORK EDITION

 

hey bro i noticed your plot thickening

 

HEY WHY NOT ANOTHER SCORE BOARD

 *GONG CRASH*

*gong crash*

 

if you ask me, 2022 has been nothing but CRISES but what do i know

Your pick is first because they will come in first place (win the game).

12/16

Cure: Troy v UTSA

12/17

New Mexico: SMU v BYU

12/20

Boca Raton: Toledo v Li-bear-ty

12/23

Gasparilla: Mizzou v Wake Forest

12/27

Guaranteed Rate: Oklahoma St. v Wisconsin

12/29

Alamo: Texas v Washington

12/30

Gator: South Carolina v Notre Dame

Arizona: Ohio v Wyoming

Orange: Tennessee v Clemson

1/2

Reliaquest (you aren't fooling anybody, reliaquest, this is the outback bowl): Mississippi St v Illinois

Cotton: Tulane v USC

---

Here are all the games ranked by POWER POINTS. Everyone knows what POWER POINTS are by now.

For all games, the winner that would benefit you is listed first. For CRISES that's pretty clear. For agreed games: if you have more points on the line, a shared win benefits you so our mutual pick is listed first. If I have more wagered, you benefit if we lose. For agreed games, our mutual pick is italicized.

1. Gator - 68 - South Carolina v Notre Dame

2. Orange - 61 - Tennessee v Clemson

3. Outback - 50 - Mississippi St. v Illinois

4. Guaranteed Rate - 37 - Oklahoma St. v Wisconsin

5. Cotton - 36 - Tulane v USC

6. Alamo - 35 - Texas v Washington

7. Military - 30 - UCF v Duke

8. Myrtle Beach - 28 - UConn v Marshall

9. Arizona - 27 - Ohio v Wyoming

10. Boca Raton - 26 - Toledo v Li-Bear-Ty

10. Cheez-It - 26 - Oklahoma v Florida St.

10. Peach - 26 - Georgia v Ohio St.

13. New Mexico - 24 - SMU v BYU

14. LendingTree - 23 - Rice v Southern Miss

14. Camellia - 23 - Buffalo v Georgia Southern

16. Armed Forces - 21 - Air Force v Baylor

17. Frisco - 18 - North Texas v Boise St.

17. Independence - 18 - UL Lafayette v Houston

19. Gasparilla - 18 - Mizzou v Wake Forest

20. LA - 15 - Washington St. v Fresno St.

21. Potato - 12 - EMU v San Jose St.

21. Pinstripe - 12 - Syracuse v Minnesota

21. Sun - 12 - UCLA v Pitt

24. Bahamas - 11 - Miami OH v UAB

24. Li-Bear-Ty - 11 - Arkansas v Liberty

26. Las Vegas - 10 - Florida v Oregon St.

26. New Orleans - 10 - South Alabama v WKU

28. Cure - 8 - Troy v UTSA

28. Music City - 8 - Kentucky v Iowa

38. Rose - 8 - Penn St. v Utah

31. Hawaii - 7 - San Diego St. v MTSU

31. Quick Lane - 7 - Bowling Green v New Mexico St.

31. Texas - 7 - Old Mist v Texas Tech

31. Mayonnaise - 7 - NC St v Maryland

35. Citrus - 6 - Purdue v LSU

36. Birmingham - 5 - ECU v Coastal Carolina

36. Sugar - 5 - Alabama v Kansas St.

38. Fiesta - 4 - Michigan v TCU

39. Holiday - 2 - Oregon v North Carolina

40. Fenway - 1 - Cincinnati v Louisville

40. 1st Responder - 1 - Utah St. v Memphis

And in those days shall men seek Bowl Picks, and shall not find them; and shall desire to Pick Bowls, and Picks shall flee from them

BAHAMAS BOWL (at Nassau, Bahamas)

21 UAB vs. Miami (Ohio), 11:30 a.m., ESPN

 

CURE BOWL (at Orlando, Fla.)

2 Troy vs. No. 25 UTSA, 3 p.m., ESPN

 

FENWAY BOWL (at Boston)

6 Louisville vs. Cincinnati, 11 a.m., ESPN

 

LAS VEGAS BOWL

5 Oregon State vs. Florida, 2:30 p.m., ESPN

 

L.A. BOWL (at Inglewood, Calif.)

24 Fresno State vs. Washington State, 3:30 p.m., ABC

 

LENDINGTREE BOWL (at Mobile, Ala.)

10 Southern Miss vs. Rice, 5:45 p.m., ESPN

 

NEW MEXICO BOWL (at Albuquerque, N.M.)

20 SMU vs. BYU, 7:30 p.m., ABC

 

FRISCO BOWL (at Frisco, Texas)

22 Boise State vs. North Texas, 9:15 p.m., ESPN

 

MYRTLE BEACH BOWL (at Conway, S.C.)

11 Marshall vs. UConn, 2:30 p.m., ESPN

 

FAMOUS IDAHO POTATO BOWL (at Boise, Idaho)

12 San Jose State vs. Eastern Michigan, 3:30 p.m., ESPN

 

BOCA RATON BOWL (at Boca Raton, Fla.)

19 Toledo vs. Liberty, 7:30 p.m., ESPN

 

NEW ORLEANS BOWL

23 South Alabama vs. Western Kentucky, 9 p.m., ESPN

ARMED FORCES BOWL (at Fort Worth, Texas)

4 Baylor vs. Air Force, 7:30 p.m., ESPN

 

INDEPENDENCE BOWL (at Shreveport, La.)

13 Houston vs. Louisiana-Lafayette, 3 p.m., ESPN

 

GASPARILLA BOWL (at Tampa, Fla.)

1 Wake Forest vs. Missouri, 6:30 p.m., ESPN

 

HAWAII BOWL (at Honolulu)

25 San Diego State vs. Middle Tennessee, 8 p.m., ESPN

 

QUICK LANE BOWL (at Detroit)

3 Bowling Green vs. New Mexico State, 2:30 p.m., ESPN

 

CAMELLIA BOWL (at Montgomery, Ala.)

7 Georgia Southern vs. Buffalo, noon, ESPN

FIRST RESPONDER BOWL (at Dallas)

18 Memphis vs. Utah State, 3:15 p.m., ESPN

 

BIRMINGHAM BOWL

17 East Carolina vs. Coastal Carolina, 6:45 p.m., ESPN

 

GUARANTEED RATE BOWL (at Phoenix)

8 Wisconsin vs. Oklahoma State, 10:15 p.m., ESPN

 

MILITARY BOWL (at Annapolis, Md.)

38 Central Florida vs. Duke, 2 p.m., ESPN

 

LIBERTY BOWL (at Memphis, Tenn.)

37 Arkansas vs. Kansas, 5:30 p.m., ESPN

 

HOLIDAY BOWL (at San Diego)

36 Oregon vs. North Carolina, 8 p.m., FOX

 

TEXAS BOWL (at Houston)

34 Ole Miss vs. Texas Tech, 9 p.m., ESPN

 

PINSTRIPE BOWL (at Bronx, N.Y.)

26 Minnesota vs. Syracuse, 2 p.m., ESPN

 

CHEEZ-IT BOWL (at Orlando, Fla.)

27 Florida State vs. Oklahoma, 5:30 p.m., ESPN

 

ALAMO BOWL (at San Antonio)

32 Texas vs. Washington, 9 p.m., ESPN

 

DUKE’S MAYO BOWL (at Charlotte, N.C.)

9 Maryland vs. NC State, noon, ESPN

 

SUN BOWL (at El Paso, Texas)

28 UCLA vs. Pitt, 2 p.m., CBS

 

GATOR BOWL (at Jacksonville, Fla.)

31 Notre Dame vs. South Carolina, 3:30 p.m., ESPN

 

ARIZONA BOWL (at Tucson, Ariz.)

16 Ohio vs. Wyoming, 4:30 p.m., Barstool Sports

 

ORANGE BOWL (at Miami Gardens, Fla.)

33 Clemson vs. Tennessee, 8 p.m., ESPN

 

SUGAR BOWL (at New Orleans)

41 Alabama vs. Kansas State, noon, ESPN

 

MUSIC CITY BOWL (at Nashville, Tenn.)

15 Kentucky vs. Iowa, noon, ABC

 

FIESTA BOWL (at Glendale, Ariz.) — CFP SEMIFINAL

39 Michigan vs. TCU, 4 p.m., ESPN

 

PEACH BOWL (at Atlanta) — CFP SEMIFINAL

40 Georgia vs. Ohio State, 8 p.m., ESPN

 

RELIAQUEST BOWL (at Tampa, Fla.)

30 Mississippi State vs. Illinois, noon, ESPN2

 

COTTON BOWL CLASSIC (at Arlington, Texas)

14 USC vs. Tulane, 1 p.m., ESPN

 

CITRUS BOWL (at Orlando, Fla.)

35 LSU vs. Purdue, 1 p.m., ABC

 

ROSE BOWL GAME (at Pasadena, Calif.)

29 Utah vs. Penn State, 5 p.m., ESPN

My tombstone will simply say "pick them"

Every single one of these, I'm looking at like whaaat. what are you doing here.

BAHAMAS

(32) UAB v Miami (OH)

CURE

(6) UTSA v Troy

FENWAY

(5) Cincinnati v Louisville

LAS VEGAS

(15) Oregon St. v Florida

LA

(9) Washington St. v Fresno St.

LENDINGTREE

(33) Southern Mist v Rice

NEW MEXICO

(4) BYU v SMU

FRISCO

(40) Boise St. v North Texas

MYRTLE BEACH

(39) Marshall v UConn

POTATO

(24) San Jose St. v EMU

BOCA RATON

(7) Li-bear-ty v Toledo

NEW ORLEANS

(13) South Alabama v WKU

ARMED FORCES

(25) Baylor v Air Force

INDEPENDENCE

(31) Houston v UL-Lafayette

GASPARILLA

(17) Woke Forest v Mizzou

H'A'W'A'I'I

(18) San Diego St. v MTSU

QUICK LANE

(10) New Mexico St. v Bowling Green

CAMELLIA

(30) Georgia Southern v Buffalo

FIRST RESPONDER

(19) Memphis v Utah St.

BIRMINGHAM

(12) ECU v Coastal Carolina

GUARANTEED RATE

(29) Wisconsin v Oklahoma St.

MILITARY

(8) UCF v Duke

LI-BEAR-TY

(26) Arkansas v Urkansas

HOLIDAY

(34) Oregon v North Carolina

TEXAS

(27) Old Mist v Texas Tech

PINSTRIPE

(38) Minnesota v Syracuse

CHEEZ-IT

(1) Oklahoma v Florida St.

ALAMO

(3) Washington v Texas

MAYONNAISE

(2) NC State v Maryland

SUN

(16) UCLA v Pitt

GATOR

(37) Notre Dame v South Carolina

ARIZONA

(11) Wyoming v Ohio

ORANGE

(28) Clemson v Tennessee

SUGAR

(36) Alabama v Urkansas St.

MUSIC CITY

(23) Iowa v Kentucky

FIESTA

(35) Michigan v TCU

PEACH

(14) Georgia v Ohio St.

RELIAQUEST

(20) Illinois v Mississippi St.

COTTON

(22) USC v Tulane

CITRUS

(41) LSU v Purdue

ROSE

(21) Penn St. v Utah

It's Bowl Line Up Time Baby, Let's Not Die 2022

All times Eastern, not going to bother changing them.

Friday, Dec. 16

BAHAMAS BOWL (at Nassau, Bahamas)

UAB (-10, o/u 44½) vs. Miami (Ohio), 11:30 a.m., ESPN

CURE BOWL (at Orlando, Fla.)

No. 24 Troy (-1, o/u 54½) vs. No. 25 UTSA, 3 p.m., ESPN

Saturday, Dec. 17

FENWAY BOWL (at Boston)

Louisville (-1½, o/u 44½) vs. Cincinnati, 11 a.m., ESPN

LAS VEGAS BOWL

No. 14 Oregon State (-10½, o/u 52) vs. Florida, 2:30 p.m., ESPN

L.A. BOWL (at Inglewood, Calif.)

Fresno State (-1½, o/u 54½) vs. Washington State, 3:30 p.m., ABC

LENDINGTREE BOWL (at Mobile, Ala.)

Southern Miss (-7, o/u 46½) vs. Rice, 5:45 p.m., ESPN

NEW MEXICO BOWL (at Albuquerque, N.M.)

SMU (-1½, o/u 70½) vs. BYU, 7:30 p.m., ABC

FRISCO BOWL (at Frisco, Texas)

Boise State (-10, o/u 56½) vs. North Texas, 9:15 p.m., ESPN

Monday, Dec. 19

MYRTLE BEACH BOWL (at Conway, S.C.)

Marshall (-10, o/u 40½) vs. UConn, 2:30 p.m., ESPN

Tuesday, Dec. 20

FAMOUS IDAHO POTATO BOWL (at Boise, Idaho)

San Jose State (-3½, o/u 54½) vs. Eastern Michigan, 3:30 p.m., ESPN

BOCA RATON BOWL (at Boca Raton, Fla.)

Toledo (-4½, o/u 53½) vs. Liberty, 7:30 p.m., ESPN

Wednesday, Dec. 21

NEW ORLEANS BOWL

South Alabama (-7½, o/u 54½) vs. Western Kentucky, 9 p.m., ESPN

Thursday, Dec. 22

ARMED FORCES BOWL (at Fort Worth, Texas)

Baylor (-6½, o/u 49½) vs. Air Force, 7:30 p.m., ESPN

Friday, Dec. 23

INDEPENDENCE BOWL (at Shreveport, La.)

Houston (-6½, o/u 60½) vs. Louisiana-Lafayette, 3 p.m., ESPN

GASPARILLA BOWL (at Tampa, Fla.)

Wake Forest (-2½, o/u 63) vs. Missouri, 6:30 p.m., ESPN

Saturday, Dec. 24

HAWAII BOWL (at Honolulu)

San Diego State (-7, o/u 49½) vs. Middle Tennessee, 8 p.m., ESPN

Monday, Dec. 26

QUICK LANE BOWL (at Detroit)

Bowling Green (-2½, o/u 48) vs. New Mexico State, 2:30 p.m., ESPN

Tuesday, Dec. 27

CAMELLIA BOWL (at Montgomery, Ala.)

Georgia Southern (-3½, o/u 67½) vs. Buffalo, noon, ESPN

FIRST RESPONDER BOWL (at Dallas)

Memphis (-7, o/u 62½) vs. Utah State, 3:15 p.m., ESPN

BIRMINGHAM BOWL

East Carolina (-9½, o/u 59½) vs. Coastal Carolina, 6:45 p.m., ESPN

GUARANTEED RATE BOWL (at Phoenix)

Wisconsin (-3, o/u 43) vs. Oklahoma State, 10:15 p.m., ESPN

Wednesday, Dec. 28

MILITARY BOWL (at Annapolis, Md.)

Central Florida (pick ’em, o/u 62½) vs. Duke, 2 p.m., ESPN

LIBERTY BOWL (at Memphis, Tenn.)

Arkansas (-4, o/u 68½) vs. Kansas, 5:30 p.m., ESPN

HOLIDAY BOWL (at San Diego)

No. 15 Oregon (-12, o/u 71) vs. North Carolina, 8 p.m., FOX

TEXAS BOWL (at Houston)

Ole Miss (-4, o/u 70) vs. Texas Tech, 9 p.m., ESPN

Thursday, Dec. 29

PINSTRIPE BOWL (at Bronx, N.Y.)

Minnesota (-7½, o/u 42) vs. Syracuse, 2 p.m., ESPN

CHEEZ-IT BOWL (at Orlando, Fla.)

No. 13 Florida State (-7½, o/u 65) vs. Oklahoma, 5:30 p.m., ESPN

ALAMO BOWL (at San Antonio)

No. 20 Texas (-6, o/u 68½) vs. No. 12 Washington, 9 p.m., ESPN

Friday, Dec. 30

DUKE’S MAYO BOWL (at Charlotte, N.C.)

Maryland (-1, o/u 48) vs. No. 23 NC State, noon, ESPN

SUN BOWL (at El Paso, Texas)

No. 18 UCLA (-7, o/u 57½) vs. Pitt, 2 p.m., CBS

GATOR BOWL (at Jacksonville, Fla.)

No. 21 Notre Dame (-3½, o/u 52) vs. No. 19 South Carolina, 3:30 p.m., ESPN

ARIZONA BOWL (at Tucson, Ariz.)

Ohio (-1, o/u 43) vs. Wyoming, 4:30 p.m., Barstool Sports

ORANGE BOWL (at Miami Gardens, Fla.)

No. 7 Clemson (-7, o/u 64) vs. No. 6 Tennessee, 8 p.m., ESPN

Saturday, Dec. 31

SUGAR BOWL (at New Orleans)

No. 5 Alabama (-3½, o/u 54½) vs. No. 9 Kansas State, noon, ESPN

MUSIC CITY BOWL (at Nashville, Tenn.)

Kentucky (-2½, o/u 31½) vs. Iowa, noon, ABC

FIESTA BOWL (at Glendale, Ariz.) — CFP SEMIFINAL

No. 2 Michigan (-7½, o/u 59) vs. No. 3 TCU, 4 p.m., ESPN

PEACH BOWL (at Atlanta) — CFP SEMIFINAL

No. 1 Georgia (-6½, o/u 61½) vs. No. 4 Ohio State, 8 p.m., ESPN

Monday, Jan. 2

RELIAQUEST BOWL (at Tampa, Fla.)

No. 22 Mississippi State (-1, o/u 46½) vs. Illinois, noon, ESPN2

COTTON BOWL CLASSIC (at Arlington, Texas)

No. 10 USC (-2, o/u 62) vs. No. 16 Tulane, 1 p.m., ESPN

CITRUS BOWL (at Orlando, Fla.)

No. 17 LSU (-10, o/u 58) vs. Purdue, 1 p.m., ABC

ROSE BOWL GAME (at Pasadena, Calif.) 

No. 8 Utah (-2½, o/u 52) vs. No. 11 Penn State, 5 p.m., ESPN

guess we should wrap this up huh stranger things

loser with class: 45-51-1, {v}0.00 (ha ha)

winner with class too: 53-43-1, {v}1,300.00

see you in the pick them

stranger things

really not feeling good. hopefully that means i mess this up very badly.

Old Mist -2.5

Arkansas -3

Florida +9.5

Georgia Tech +38.5

Clemson -14.5

Kentucky -3.5

Auburn +21.5

LSU -10

Tennessee -14

{v} let's make it a little interesting, maybe

1. {v}273.65 on Georgia -30000 to win {v}0.91.

2. {v}68.17 on Caddy +1053 to win {v}717.83.

hail mary time

Meaning, of course, it's time to convert to Catholicism.

Mississippi State (+2.5) at Old Mist: I'm willing to believe that Old Mist is distracted. Finally off the Old Mist train, so they'll probably win by 35.

Arkansas (-3) at Missouri: Seems low

Florida at Florida State (-9.5): Florida has lost my approval

Georgia Tech at Georgia (-38.5): No

South Carolina at Clemson (-14.5): Tennessee losing did a lot for playoff hopefuls trying to get their team serious about a rival

Louisville (+3.5) at Kentucky: kind of funny vibes in this one

Auburn (+21.5) at Alabama: Believing

LSU (-10) at TAMU: It looks like I may be wrong about how well Brian Kelly was going to fit in at LSU.

Tennessee (-14) at Vanderbilt: who cares

{v}{v}{v}

GIMME {v}655.39 on Auburn covering (-21.5), to win {v}595.81

rivalry week (stranger things reference)

Mississippi State (+116) at Old Mist (-2.5, -139) (T:59)

Arkansas (-3, -158) at Missouri (+132) (T:56)

Florida (+292) at Florida State (-9.5, -371) (T:58)

Georgia Tech (+10000) at Georgia (-38.5, -30000) (T:48.5)

South Carolina (+449) at Clemson (-14.5, -628) (T:50.5)

Louisville (+144) at Kentucky (-3.5, -173) (T:43)

Auburn (+1053) at Alabama (-21.5, -2205) (T:49)

LSU (-10, -374) at TAMU (+294) (T:46.5)

Tennessee (-14, -560) at Vanderbilt (+411) (T:66)

seems a done deal

delightful

stranger things: 3-4 (43-44-1); {v}655.39

a different tv show, i don't care: 4-3 (49-38-1); {v}1,367.26

So I was peeing next to a guy and his phone went off and it was the song from the Stranger Things opening credits

*Wailing horridly* Time to make some picks.

Florida -14

UMass +33.5 I don't care how bad UMass is, do we really think tam-poo can score 34 points

Kentucky +22.5

Auburn -5.5 

Tennessee -21.5

Old Mist -2.5

LSU -14.5 Fun Fact: LSU has never lost a non-conference game at Tiger Stadium

{v}

I'm Ride or Die for Caddy.

1. {v}941.32 on Auburn -221 to win {v}425.94

Week Twelve Is Still A Stranger Things Reference And It Will Never Die

Florida (-14) at Vanderbilt: foolish

UMass at TAMU (-33.5): It's easy to imagine Jimbo trying to run it up big in this game to prove he can still coach offense. This is an insultingly low over/under that I very nearly bet under.

Georgia at Kentucky (+22.5): seems like a lot

Western Kentucky at Auburn (-5.5): We're in full I BELIEVE mode

Tennessee (-21.5) at South Carolina: Hypothesis: Tennessee wants to lay on every point, to look good for the potential playoff spot. 

Old Mist (-2.5) at Arkansas: Most Old Mist lines look wrong to me this year, and then I'm usually the idiot. I refuse to learn anything from this fact. 

UAB at Lsu (-14.5): Looks like I am mostly picking favorites, that's fine

{v}N{v}I{v}C{v}E{v}

Gimme {v}249.70 on Old Mist covering (-2.5), to win {v}227

Week 12 (stronger things reference)

SoCon Saturday etc etc

Florida (-14, -623) at Vanderbilt (+445) (T:57.5)

UMass (+4000) at TAMU (-33.5, -30000) (T:47.5)

Georgia (-22.5, -2565) at Kentucky (+1143) (T:49.5)

Western Kentucky (+181) at Auburn (-5.5, -221) (T:52.5)

Tennessee (-21.5, -2109) at South Carolina (+1039) (T:66)

Old Mist (-2.5, -135) at Arkansas (+113) (T:60.5)

UAB (+454) at Lsu (-14.5, -638) (T:52.5)

for some reason i had to explain the not SWAC thing this weekend

it was easy because i am so familiar with it.

white claw: 4-2-1 (40-40-1), {v}905.09

the aldi kind (gross): 3-3-1 (45-35-1), {941.32}

Stringer Thangs

Missouri at Tennessee (-20.5): tough to care

Vanderbilt at Kentucky (-17.5): Vanderbilt is Not Good.

LSU (-3) at Arkansas: I would say "letdown" except Arkansas lost to Liberty last week.

Alabama at Old Mist (+11.5): too good to be true but I hope

South Carolina (+7.5) at Florida: It's hard to get a handle on Florida this year, probably because I haven't watched them much and hate them, but it seems like a reasonable guess that they're also Not Good, though not to the extent Vandy (see above) is not good. 

Georgia (-16.5) at Mississippi State: Only good scenario left in college football is Georgia getting upset in some random remaining game (not going to happen), then losing to a two-loss SEC West champion (also not going to happen), and the SEC gets left out of the playoffs entirely (also too not going to happen). 

TAMU at Auburn (-1.5): lol

{v}{v}{v}{v}THENICEBOOKIE{v}{v}{v}{v}

I hope I lose the Georgia bet and lose the pick them, it will be worth it

Gimme {v}50 on Old Mist covering (+11.5), to win {v}45.45

Gimme {v}425 on Georgia straight up (-850), to win {v}50

Week Eleven is so cool because it's basically the Stranger Things week

Stranger Things is a show about strangers.

Tennessee -20.5

Kentucky -17.5

LSU -3

Alabama -11.5

Florida -7.5

Georgia -16.5

TAMU +1.5

{v}

1. {v}223.32 on Alabama -465 to win {v}48.03

Strangers Things (Week Eleven Reference)

You guessed it: lines

Missouri Loves Company (+890) at Tennessee (-20.5, -1700) T:56.5

Vanderbilt (+170) at Kentucky (-17.5, -1250) T:48.5

LSU (-3, -164) at Arkansas (+136) T:63.5

Alabama (-11.5, -465) at Old Mist (+350) T:63.5

South Carolina (+250) at Florida (-7.5, -315) T:58.5

Georgia (-16.5, -850) at Mississippi State (+570) T:53.5

TAMU (+100) at Auburn (-1.5, -120) T:48.5

Just sitting here at work hootin n hollerin, carryin on all crazy-like...

... tryin to convine folks i'm swac. ain't workin.

Not SWAC: 4-3, (36-38); {v}809.64

Definitely not SWAC: 5-2 (42-32); {v}893.65

The nice bookie is not paying out {v}85 on a {v}20 spread bet so I fixed that for you. cheater.

Week Ten (Stranger Things reference)

Florida +3.5

Kentucky -1.5

Tennessee +8

Li-Bear-Ty +13.5

Alabama -13

South Carolina -7

Auburn +13.5

{v}

1. {v}255.59 on Alabama -500 to win {v}51.12

2. {v}42.17 on Auburn +425 to win {v}179.22

a perfect week 10 picks

Florida at TAMU (-3.5): Not sure why I feel like it's impossible TAMU will lose this many in a row, but many things once seemed impossible.

Kentucky (-1.5) at Missouri: Funny and insulting line to Kentucky, though they are a team that seems to be in decline.

Tennessee (+8) at Georgia: I believe

Liberty Bear (+13.5) at Arkansas: sure

Alabama (-13) at Lsu: I'd like to think I am wrong, but as much as people talk about how scary Baton Rouge is blah blah blah, it seems like Alabama goes down there and sets a freshman rushing record or something every few years.

South Carolina (-7) at Vanderbilt: another vaguely insulting line. Just realized I picked mostly road teams.

Auburn (+13.5) at Mississippi State: the bad man is gone

{v}{v}{v}

Gimme {v}50 on Liberty-Arkansas going over 64, to win {v}45.45

Gimme {v}120 on Alabama straight up (-500), to win {v}24

Gimme {v}20 on South Carolina-Vanderbilt going over 48.5, to win {v}18.18

Gimme {v}20 on Auburn covering +13.5, to win {v}85

Tri Epsilon Is Now a Scientology-Free Zone

Florida (+140) at TAMU (-3.5, -165) T:54.5

Kentucky (-1.5, -125) at Missouri (+105) T:41.5

Tennessee (+240) at Georgia (-8, -290) T:66

Liberty Bear (+360) at Arkansas (-13.5, -450) T:64

Alabama (-13, -500) at Lsu (+380) T:58

South Carolina (-7, -275) at Vanderbilt (+225) T:48.5

Auburn (+425) at Mississippi State (-13.5, -550) T:52

With 94 percent of precincts reporting, we are ready to make the projection...

... still not SWAC.

Eufaula's Finest: 2-3 (32-35), {v}943.28

Can't think of anything: 3-2 (37-30), {v}1,191.05

no thought just pickz

Arkansas at Auburn (+3.5)

Florida (+23) vs Georgia

Missouri at South Carolina (-4)

Kentucky (+13) at Tennessee 

Old Mist (-2.5) at TAMU

{v}A NICE BOOKIE{v}

GIMME {v}200 on Tennessee straight up (-450), to win {v}44.44

GIMME {v}200 on Georgia straight up (-2000), to win {v}10

GIMME {v}10 on Old Mist straight up (-140), to win {v}7.14

Coffee? Now that's a mean bean, baby.

Doing this nice and early so I make a lot of stupid picks and lose.

Arkansas -3.5

Florida +23

South Carolina -4

Tennessee -13

TAMU +2.5

{v}

1. 294.09 on Georgia -2000 to win a measly {v}14.70

Week Nine-Nine-Nine (RIP Herman Cain)

Herman Cain went to a "we don't need to stop Covid-19" rally, got Covid-19, and died. Rest in Power.

Arkansas (-3.5, -165) at Auburn (+140) (T:61)

Florida (+1100) vs Georgia (-23, -2000) (T:56.5)

Missouri (+170) at South Carolina (-4, -200) (T:47.5)

Kentucky (+360) at Tennessee (-13, -450) (T:63)

Old Mist (-2.5, -140) at TAMU (+120) (T:55)

happy birthday blog

She's fourteen. Soon, she'll be getting fingerbanged at the movies. #proud

Auburn is going to hire Jimbo

Nope. Still not SWAC.

Auburn is going to hire Deion: 2-2 (30-32); {v}881.70

Auburn is going to hire Hugh Freeze: 2-2 (34-28); {v}1,176.35

The Noble Eightfold Path, taught to use by the Buddha, refers to Week 8 picks

Old Mist (+1.5) at Lsu: Surprising line imho

Vanderbilt at Missouri (-14): raucous 

Mississippi State at Alabama (-21): they mad

TAMU at South Carolina (+3.5) cocks

{v}{v}{v} How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Nice Bookie {v}{v}{v}

GIMME {v}49.52 on Old Mist straight up (+105) to win {v}52

GIMME {v}252 on Alabama straight up (-1800) to win {v}14

GIMME {v}104.50 on Missouri straight up (-550) to win {v}19

Four games... four horsemen of the apocalypse... this canNOT be a coincidence

Old Mist +1.5

Vanderbilt +14

Alabama -21

TAMU -3.5

{v}

1. {v} 1,080.00 on Alabama -1800 to win {v}60.00

Weik Eeght

Light schedule this week!

Old Mist (+105) at Lsu (-1.5, -125) (T: 66.5)

Vanderbilt (+425) at Missouri (-14, -550) (T: 52.5)

Mississippi State (+1000) at Alabama (-21, -1800) (T: 62)

TAMU (-3.5, -175) at South Carolina (+150) (T: 44.5)

*to the tune of rocky top* blog blog blog blog blog blog blogblogblog

Clearly, we ain't SWAC.

Swimming in Doubloons: 1-5 (28-30); {v}898.22

Soiling his Pantaloons: 2-4 (32-26); {v}1,116.35

get their corn from a jar

The Tennessee Volunteers (oh, how I hate them) losing streak to Alabama was older than this humble blog.

Wish that I was on ol' Rocky Top

Down in the Tennessee hills

Ain't no smoggy smoke on Rocky Top

Ain't no telephone bills

Once I had a girl on Rocky Top

Half bear, other half cat

Wild as a mink, but sweet as soda pop

I still dream about that

Rocky Top, you'll always be

Home sweet home to me

Good ol' Rocky Top

Rocky Top, Tennessee

Rocky Top, Tennessee

Once two strangers climbed ol' Rocky Top

Lookin' for a moonshine still

Strangers ain't come down from Rocky Top

Reckon they never will

Corn won't grow at all on Rocky Top

Dirt's too rocky by far

That's why all the folks on Rocky Top

Get their corn from a jar

Rocky Top, you'll always be

Home sweet home to me

Good ol' Rocky Top

Rocky Top, Tennessee

Rocky Top, Tennessee

I've had years of cramped-up city life

Trapped like a duck in a pen

All I know is it's a pity life

Can't be simple again

Rocky Top, you'll always be

Home sweet home to me

Good ol' Rocky Top

Rocky Top, Tennessee

Rocky Top, Tennessee

Rocky Top, Tennessee

Seventh Heaven (is probably a reference I made before)

 Auburn at Old Mist (-14.5): lol. lmao.

Alabama (-7) at Tennessee: don't get your hopes up, idiots

Vanderbilt (+38) at Georgia: wrong

Arkansas (-1.5) at BYU: tough pick

LSU at Florida (-2.5): also tough, going with the home team.

Mississippi State (-6.5) at Kentucky: funny that Auburn is going to lose to both Mississippi teams this year

{v}{v}{v}

Now that I am out of debt, time to lose money again.

Gimme {v}129.80 on Mississippi State at Kentucky going over (T:46.5), to win {v}118

Gimme {v}129.80 on Old Mist straight up (-650), to win {v}118

I wonder how Mr. Steven is doing

These are not to be second-guessed.

Old Mist -14.5

Alabama -7

Vanderbilt +38

BYU +1.5

LSU +2.5

Kentucky +6.5

{v} 

this seems fine to me

1. {v}268.75 on Old Moist -650 to win {v}41.35

Week 7? That doesn't sound right

Auburn (+475) at Old Mist (-14.5 -650) (T:54)

Alabama (-7 -270) at Tennessee (+220) (T:65)

Vanderbilt (n/a) at Georgia (-38 n/a) (T:58.5)

Arkansas (-1.5 -120) at BYU (even) (T:66.5)

LSU (+115) at Florida (-2.5 -135) (T:51.5)

Mississippi State (-6.5 -250) at Kentucky (+210) (T:46.5)

whole lotta dwindling going on (i am talking about my leads)

 A beautiful fall afternoon in upstate New York picking apples: 4-3 (27-25), {v}1,008.05

The new hellraiser movie: 2-5 (30-22), {v}1,075.00

mr steven is awake now and he says he would like chik fil a

mr steven wakes up hungry

Arkansas +8

Florida -11

LSU +3

Auburn +30 oh no

Old Mist -18

Kentucky -10.5

TAMU +24 oh god

{v}

1. {v}442.86 on Alabama -2000 to win {v}22.14

2. {v}57.14 on Arkansas +250 to win {v}142.86 (it should actually be 142.85 but this bookie... he's very nice and he likes things to come out to round numbers)

(yelling as loud as I can) IT'S WEEK SIX

Arkansas at Mississippi State (-8): I think this line is dropping, but I'm impressed with Mississippi State so far.

Missouri (+11) at Florida: Two teams I don't trust
Tennessee (-3) at LSU: LSU got lucky to beat Auburn, the worst thing I can say about a team
Auburn (+30) at Georgia: Auburn is a garbage team but that's a lot of points
Old Mist (-18) at Vanderbilt: I'd take Old Mist at -24
Sakerlina at Kentucky (-10.5): Guessing they're mad
TAMU at Alabama (-24): Guessing they're mad

{v}{v}{v}{v}{v}{v}A NICE BOOKIE{v}{v}{v}{v}{v}{v}

Gimme {v}300 on Old Mist straight up (-900), to win {v}33.33

Gimme {v}25 on Tennesse to cover (-3), to win {v}22.73

Gimme {v}22.73 on Alabama to cover (-24), to win {v}20.66

Week The Smallest Perfect Number

Since I have not been consistent with sourcing, I will note: these lines etc come from TheScore app.

Arkansas (+250) at Mississippi State (-8, -300) T:62
Missouri (+360) at Florida (-11 -450) T:55
Tennessee (-3, -145) at LSU (+125) T:64
Auburn (+2500) at Georgia (-30, -7500) T:49
Old Mist (-18, -900) at Vanderbilt (+600) T:62
Sakerlina (+340) at Kentucky (-10.5, -425) T:49.5
TAMU (+1100) at Alabama (-24, -2000) T:51

W5R

can't think of any creative names, i have some kind of stomach virus or something

Charles: 1-4 (23-22), {v}974.72

Tha Captain: 3-2 (28-17), {v}1,110.00

wow week five season's really flying by huh

Old Mist -6.5

Alabama -17.5

TAMU +4

Auburn +8

Mizzou +28

{v}

This is cheating.

1. {v}672.99 on Mississippi St. -154 to win {v}437.01

2. {v}427.01 on TAMU +160 to win {v}683.22

I wish there was a Five Guys here

Kentucky at Old Mist (-6.5): an established Lane Believer

Alabama at Arkansas (+17.5): Seem like a lot of points for what might be a slog of a game

TAMU at Mississippi State (-4): Who cares

LSU (-8) at Auburn : Auburn has not covered in a single game this year. Going for the reverse letdown. 

Georgia (-28): Missouri is a dumb team of bad players. I am going to feel stupid for not betting the over on a game that's going to be like 63-28.

{v}{v}{v}{v}{v}{v}THE NICE BOOKIE{v}{v}{v}{v}{v}{v}

I got {v}931.49. Is this the week I finally get back into the black? Probably not! 

Gimme {v}100 on Old Mist straight up (-227), to win {v}44.05

Gimme {v}32.87 on LSU-Auburn going over (T:45.5), to win {v}29.88

Gimme {v}100 on LSU straight up (-312), to win {v}32.05

Week I Got Five On It Lines

Week Five does not have that many games with lines.

Kentucky (+210) at Old Mist (-6.5, -227) (T:54.5)

Alabama (-17.5, -769) at Arkansas (+600) (T:61.5)

TAMU (+160) at Mississippi State (-4, -154) (T:45.5)

LSU (-8, -312) at Auburn (+290) (T:45.5)

Georgia (-28, -5000) at Missouri (+2000) (T:54.5)

Week Four Re-Sults clap clap clapclapclap

Charles: 4-6 (22-18), {v}931.49

Tha Captain: 8-2 (25-15), {v}1,100.00

unbelievable i stole an extra day and still forgot until the last minute

just calling it like it see it right at this moment

Mississippi St. -29

Kent St. +46

Mizzou +7

Florida +10.5

Old Mist -21

Northern Illinois +25

TAMU -2.5

Alabama -40.5

South Carolina -22

LSU -30

{v}

had to to plug this in to THA CAPTAINZ SPECIAL

1. {v}212.75 on Old Mist -1111 to win {v}19.15

2. {v}76.62 on Mizzou +230 to win {v}176.22

not ashamed to admit that I made some picks

In a hurry today!

Bowling Green at Mississippi State (-29): Declined

Kent State  at Georgia (-46): going to be a truly miserable football season

Missouri at Auburn (-7): good heavens I'm stupid

Florida at Tennessee (-10.5): I'm just about ready to become a Tennessee believer

Tulsa at Old Mist (-21): I'm also about to become an Old Mist believer

Northern Illinois at Kentucky (-25): No, Illinois! let me down last time

Arkansas (+2.5) at TAMU: Feels like a dumb pick

Vanderbilt (-40.5) at Alabama: Another dumb one

Bad Charlotte  at South Carolina (-22): cocks

New Mexico at LSU (-30): Time for Kelly to reassure the restless natives by beating a team from a state that shouldn't even exist

{v}{v}{v}{v}{v}{v}{v}

Let's get {v}904.50 up slightly higher. Clawing back. 

Gimmer {v}10.00 on Arkansas straight up (+120), to win {v}12.00

Gimme {v}50.00 on Tennessee straight up (-345), to win {v}14.49

Gimme {v}250.00 on Old Mist straight up (-1111), to win {v}22.50

Week 4 lines apparently

Fun fact: for Week Four, every home team is a favorite, something that has never happened for an SEC football week before.

Bowling Green (+2500) at Mississippi State (-29, -10000) (T: 52.5)

Kent State  (+5000) at Georgia (-46, -10000) (T: 63)

Missouri (+230)  at Auburn (-7, -270) (T: 51)

Florida (+320) at Tennessee (-10.5, -345) (T: 62.5)

Tulsa (+900) at Old Mist (-21, -1111) (T: 65.5)

Northern Illinois (+1700) at Kentucky (-25, -3333) (T: 53.5)

Arkansas (+120) at TAMU (-2.5, -128) (T: 48.5)

Vanderbilt (+5000) at Alabama (-40.5, -10000) (T: 59)

Bad Charlotte (+1280) at South Carolina (-22, -1250) (T: 69.5)

New Mexico (+2800) at LSU (-30, -5000) (T: 45.5)

*screaming stupidly*

 aahhh

Big Guy with a Plan: 6-3 (18-12); {v}904.50

Ignoring the Weather Advice of James Spann: 7-2 (17-13); {v}1157.47

cool Tom's Diner (Tim's Doner would be a good name for a cover band) cover

ok making progress it was 3:50 when i remembered to do this today

Georgia -24

Penn St. -3

Vanderbilt +3  i still belieVe

Alabama -48.5  why not

Old Mist -15.5

LSU +2.5

Akron +47.5

Florida -24.5

TAMU -5

{v}

1. {v}133.93 on Georgia -2000 to win {v}6.70.

2. {v}119.20 on LSU +116 to win {v}138.27

Week Threediocre

Georgia (-24) at South Carolina: yuck!

Penn State at Auburn (+3): You can purchase my new book, Bet To Lose, at airport bookstores everywhere

Vanderbilt at Northern Illinois (-3): I still instinctively assume that Michael Turner, who was born before I was and played his last NFL season in 2012, is still playing at Northern Illinois.

La-Mo at Alabama (-48.5): I guess the assumption is that Alabama will be mad, sure

Old Mist (-15.5) at Georgia Tech: Is this really low? Am I an idiot? I thought they were about to fire Goff Ceollins.

Mississississippi St at LSU (+2.5): Let's see what Krian Belly (a name I just made up as a nickname for LSU head football coach Brian Kelly) can do

Akron (+47.5) at Tennessee: That's a lot of points. 

South Florida (+24.5) at Florida: Not sold on Florida

Miami at TAMU (-5): don't care, hope they lose

{v}{v}{v}{v}{v}{v}812.67{v}{v}{v}{v}{v}{v}

That's right I've got {v}812.67. 

Gimme {v}80 on Old Mist to cover 15.5 at Georgia Tech, to win {v}72.73

Gimme {v}10 on LSU to win straight up (+116) vs Mississippi State, to win {v}11.60

Gimme {v}150 on Georgia to win straight up (-2000) at South Carolina, to win {v}7.50

Week Three(E) lines

Georgia (-24, -2000) at South Carolina (+1450) (T:52)

Penn State (-3, -150) at Auburn (+130) (T:47)

Vanderbilt (+128) at Northern Illinois (-3, -135) (T:58.5)

La-Mo (+5000) at Alabama (-48.5, -10000) (T:60.5)

Old Mist (-15.5, -625) at Georgia Tech (+500) (T:63.5)

Mississississippi St (-2.5, -120) at LSU (+116) (T: 53)

Akron (+5000) at Tennessee (-47.5, 10000) (T: 66)

South Florida (+1550) at Florida (-24.5, -2000) (T: 59)

Miami (+190) at TAMU (-5, -250) (T:45)

Week Two Results: Going Great

Last Week (Overall), COVIDBUX

Better Than Ezra: 5-4 (12-9), {v}812.67

Ezra: 2-7 (10-11), {v}1,012.50

one week i'm going to remember to do this before 3:45 on thursday but actually no i'm not

Vanderbilt +10    I BELIEVE

Alabama -20

South Carolina +7.5

Mizzou +9

App St. +18.5

Pitt +6.5

Florida -6

Auburn -23

Mississippi ST. -10.5

{v}

TIME TO GRIND

GIVE ME {V}250 ON AUBURN -2000 TO WIN {V}12.5

wow some picks, cool

Week Two Picks:

Wake Forest (-10, -350) at Vanderbilt (+280) (T:64): Vanderbilt is not good. 

Alabama (-20, -1667) at Texas (+900) (T:64.5): This line opened at like 14 points and Alabama has still gotten all the picks. 

South Carolina (+270) at Arkansas (-7.5, -340) (T:53): I would take Arkansas at 10 points, I think. 

Missouri (+270) at Kansas State (-9, -340) (T:57): Missouri's not good, right

Appalachian State (+700) at TAMU (-18.5, -1000) (T:52.5): sure

Tennessee (-6.5, -240) at Pittsburg (+200) (T:66): Seems like a pick. Tennessee vs. Pittsburg is a good game to be playing, on principle.

Kentucky (+175) at Florida (-5, -213) (T:52.5): I feel like this is a stupid pick. Not changing it. 

San Jose St. (+1100) at Auburn (-23, -2000) (T:50.5): Update: no one cares

Mississippi State (-10.5, -425) at Arizona (+340) (T:59.5): This game made me recheck it again, after rechecking it before, because: why is this happening. Cannot imagine betting on this. 

{v}{v}{v}{v}{v}{v}THE NICE BOOKIE{v}{v}{v}{v}{v}{v}

{v}861.11 to play with, which means I need to bet at least {v}215.28.

GIMME {v}75 on Arkansas straight up (-340), to win {v}22.06.

GIMME {v}75 on Alabama straight up (-1667), to win {v}4.50.

GIMME {v}75 on Auburn to cover (-23), to win {v}68.18.

Looks like they're doing another week of football. Can you believe these guys?

Wake Forest (-10, -350) at Vanderbilt (+280) (T:64)

Alabama (-20, -1667) at Texas (+900) (T:64.5)

South Carolina (+270) at Arkansas (-7.5, -340) (T:53)

Missouri (+270) at Kansas State (-9, -340) (T:57)

Appalachian State (+700) at TAMU (-18.5, -1000) (T:52.5)

Tennessee (-6.5, -240) at Pittsburg (+200) (T:66)

Kentucky (+175) at Florida (-5, -213) (T:52.5)

San Jose St. (+1100) at Auburn (-23, -2000) (T:50.5)

Mississippi State (-10.5, -425) at Arizona (+340) (T:59.5)

Unlined: Samford at Georgia; Central Arkansas at Old Mist; Southern at LSU

goodness at all the scores and what not

wow, what a week of results. my wife took my son to the store and they bought a plastic skeleton and now he wants to take it everywhere with him.

The Skeleton's Name is Narple: 7-4 (7-5)

The Guy Who Would Have Named It, Like, "Bone Idiot" Or Something: 7-4 (8-4)

{v}

Cool Guy With A Lot Of Swagger: {v}861.11

Goes To A Rolling Stones Concert And Screams For Them To Play The Maroon 5 Song "Moves Like Jagger:" {v}1000.00

more frantic nonsense

When your instincts are as honed as mine, you don't need to spend a lot of time thinking about picks.

Tennessee -35.5

Mizzou -19.5

Oregon +17.5

Cincinnati +6

Troy +22.5

Florida +3

Kentucky -16.5

Alabama -41.5

Memphis +15

South Carolina -12.5

LSU -3

{v}

I will put {v}100 on Cincinnati +190 to win {v}190.

I will also put {v}800 on Kentucky -800 to win {v}100

I will not be taking questions at this time.

Week One Is the Week Won

I'm going to pick some football games, I'm happy to do it.

Ball State at Tennessee (-35.5): Big Boy is going to try to get that offense hummin'.

La. Tech at Missouri (-19.5): 2036 SEC title game preview

Oregon (+17.5) vs Georgia: I definitely, definitely, definitely Hate This.

Cincinnati at Arkansas (-6): I think Sam and the boys got a little something for 'em.

Troy at Old Mist (-22.5): I think Lane and the boys got a little something for 'em.

Utah at Florida (+3): I read on The Internet that Utah is a slow-starting team, that's my pick.

Miami at Kentucky (-16.5): I don't like that pudgy jerk who coaches Kentucky, but he seems pretty competent. Him fighting with the basketball coach via twitter was funny. 

Utah State (+41.5) at Alabama: (Italian accent) that's a lotta da points!

Memphis at Mississippi State (-15): Revenge game maybe?

Georgia St. at South Carolina (-12.5, -450): A funny and disrespectful line that is pretty hard to pick

Florida State vs LSU (-3): family

{v} {v} {v} THE NICE BOOKIE {v} {v} {v} 

GIMME {v}100 on LSU to win straight up (-155), to win {v}64.52

GIMME {v}100 on Georgia to win straight up (-900), to win {v}11.11

GIMME {V}50 on Old Mist to cover (-22.5), to win {v}45.45

week zero result

 wow this is wild

cell phone user: 0-1 (0-1)

giant moron who still uses one of those bag phones and also he eats aluminum foil because he doesn't know how else to get it off of the hot pocket that he microwaved with aluminum foil wrapped around it: 1-0 (1-0)

{v}

we got all our money, baby

Let's say that the Vandy game last week was a very early Week One game, so this is still Week One

Here are some lines and such. There are a couple of pretty good games, or potentially good games. The pick them is a lot easier to do when the conference schedule begins.

Ball State (+3300) at Tennessee (-35.5, -10000) (T:68)

La. Tech (+700) at Missouri (-19.5, -1200) (T:60.5)

Oregon (+550) vs Georgia (-17.5, -900) (T:53)

Cincinnati (+190) at Arkansas (-6, -250) (T:52.5)

Troy (+1000) at Old Mist (-22.5, -2000) (T:57.5)

Utah (-3, -140) at Florida (+115) (T:51)

Miami (OH!) (+550) at Kentucky (-16.5, -800) (T:54)

Utah State (+5000) at Alabama (-41.5, -10000) (T:62.5)

Memphis (+450) at Mississippi State (-15, -650) (T:56.5)

Georgia St. (+340) at South Carolina (-12.5, -450) (T:57)

Florida State (+125) vs LSU (-3, -155) (T:51.5)

The lineless: Sam Houston State at TAMU; Mercer at Auburn; Elon at Vanderbilt

FRANTIC

forgot about this until just now (4:30). putting a lot of thought into it.

Vanderbilt -8

seems fine.

Week zero, get with a hero, etc etc

Wow! The Pick Them is so easy this year!

Vanderbilt at Hawaii (+8): Going way out there for the first week seems pretty tricky. 

it begins

Some men see things as they are, and say why. I dream of things that never were, and say why not.

- Robert Kennedy

Get money, get paid, get that bread, get laid
- tha Captain

As per usual, pix are due Thursday at 5:00 pm. This year's got an appetizer:

Vanderbilt (-8) at Hawaii (T 53.5)

{v}{v}{v} THE NICE BOOKIE {v}{v}{v}

Also as per usual, the participants will bet at least 25% of their COVIDBUX bankroll each week, starting next week. The bankroll resets to:

A sophisticated fellow with a certain savoir faire : {v}1000

The guy who still loses every game of four square: {v}1000

AFRICA BUT IT'S ALL STAR BUT IT'S WONDERWALL

I been up since six makin' hits like tennis

That's actually the guy, this isn't a Funny Music Video thing. I love him.

dance, monkey

Picking an Auburn team based on ridiculous options

Zac Blackerby is a child who has a child's memory and understanding of Auburn football. One result is that the valuations in the following thought experiment are somewhere between unusual and wrong, but we're going to stick with these options as they are presented.

My pick: Cam Newton ($5), Tank Bigsby ($2), Seth Williams ($3), C. J. Uzomah ($3), and Shon Coleman ($2). 

The biggest values on this chart are running back and wide receiver (actually I guess Newton is the biggest value on any chart), where Cameron Artis-Payne is for some reason third and the running back I actually want from 2010-on, Michael Dyer, is not available. But it doesn't really matter; this is an unstoppable offense. Newton and Bigsby are an excellent running combo, and Williams and Uzomah are downfield threats who will force teams to back off. 

My alternate build is Nick Marshall ($4), Kerryon Johnson ($4), Ryan Davis ($1), Sal Cannella ($1), and Greg Robinson ($4). That offense also is unstoppable, for completely different reasons.

Bo Nix should be over Stidham, Uzomah over Shenker, and Coleman over Dismukes.

 

My pick: Jeff Holland ($1), Nick Fairley ($4), Owen Pappoe ($1), Carlton Davis ($4), Zac Etheridge ($5)

The defensive options are even worse in their valuation, which combines with Auburn's excellent defensive line history to put all the best value up front. But Fairley at $4 is irresistible. You've got to have a lockdown corner, which means one of the top two, and then most of Auburn's recent safeties I guess just aren't that good? I don't know why Smoke Monday isn't on this list. Why is Cassanova McKinzy three dollars, because he has a cool name? Holland at a dollar is the worst valuation of this entire operation. 

My alternate build is Marlon Davidson ($3), Montravius Adams ($3), Zakoby McClain ($2), Roger McCreary ($5), Jamien Sherwood ($2).

it's america's birthday

But see how deep the bullet lies

Your idiot Zoomers like this song because of Stranger Things, whereas we old school pimps and players know the real deal (CVS Bangers)

Some games links

 They don't make webgames like they used to, but these are good.

1. CivHero

2. Townscaper

3. Waterworks!

big fan of bluegrass covers

this song is about me, i've got Bette Davis eyes

Well, my friends, the time has come--raise the roof and have some fun

Please Mister Boss man I need this job more than you know

All the players came from far and wide Wearing Afros and braids in every gangster ride

AC/VC

Otherwise, chaos.

And the ugly girls too 'Cause to me your pretty anyway, baby

I hope they cancel CFB next year

Godspeed

do you really want to burp me

OK, I guess that's it. There's no way you could win the ConPorsh (Confidence Portion) even if all the canceled games went your way. Are we going to simulate the remaining CRISIS games?  No. No, we are not.

A few "tid bits," all of which exclude last year because it was different and therefore deserves to be ostracized:

In terms of GamePorsh (Game Portion), this was my second best all time performance and my best where I actually won. You had your best ever losing performance and the second best losing performance of all time.

Pretty quotidian ConPorsh, IMO. 

See you next year.