Picking an Auburn team based on ridiculous options

Zac Blackerby is a child who has a child's memory and understanding of Auburn football. One result is that the valuations in the following thought experiment are somewhere between unusual and wrong, but we're going to stick with these options as they are presented.

My pick: Cam Newton ($5), Tank Bigsby ($2), Seth Williams ($3), C. J. Uzomah ($3), and Shon Coleman ($2). 

The biggest values on this chart are running back and wide receiver (actually I guess Newton is the biggest value on any chart), where Cameron Artis-Payne is for some reason third and the running back I actually want from 2010-on, Michael Dyer, is not available. But it doesn't really matter; this is an unstoppable offense. Newton and Bigsby are an excellent running combo, and Williams and Uzomah are downfield threats who will force teams to back off. 

My alternate build is Nick Marshall ($4), Kerryon Johnson ($4), Ryan Davis ($1), Sal Cannella ($1), and Greg Robinson ($4). That offense also is unstoppable, for completely different reasons.

Bo Nix should be over Stidham, Uzomah over Shenker, and Coleman over Dismukes.

 

My pick: Jeff Holland ($1), Nick Fairley ($4), Owen Pappoe ($1), Carlton Davis ($4), Zac Etheridge ($5)

The defensive options are even worse in their valuation, which combines with Auburn's excellent defensive line history to put all the best value up front. But Fairley at $4 is irresistible. You've got to have a lockdown corner, which means one of the top two, and then most of Auburn's recent safeties I guess just aren't that good? I don't know why Smoke Monday isn't on this list. Why is Cassanova McKinzy three dollars, because he has a cool name? Holland at a dollar is the worst valuation of this entire operation. 

My alternate build is Marlon Davidson ($3), Montravius Adams ($3), Zakoby McClain ($2), Roger McCreary ($5), Jamien Sherwood ($2).