Them games is some nonsense.
UL-Lafayette (+49) who bets this line
Arkansas (+21) TAMU is a lot better than Arkansas, but this seems like a big line
Tennessee (+32) Georgia is a lot better than Tennessee, but this seems like a big line
Southern Miss (+27) Auburn is a lot better than Southern Miss, but this seems like a big line
Florida (+7.5) RIP Jefferson Pilot Sports
Kentucky (-2) It's pretty cool that this is the best game of the week
Old Mist (+12) picking a whole buncha dogs tonight
____
I got $836.44 for the nice bookie.
$100 on Southern Miss at Auburn to go under 53.5 points
$100 on Georgia-Tennessee to go over 52 points
$25 on LSU-Ole Miss to go over 59.5
Friday, September 28, 2018
Five for betting (like five for fighting?) sure. but wrong.
Siri show me a bunch of garbage
Alabama -49 This will probably be wrong, but then again maybe it won't. But it will.
Texas A&M -21 Man I don't know. This is also probably wrong. Whatever.
Tennessee +32 I keep doing this for some reason. Wrong.
Southern Miss +27 I also keep doing this (doubting Gus and the boys). Wrong.
Florida +7.5 This is the only one of which I'm confident. Which means it will be way wrong.
South Carolina +2 Gotta dance with the lady what WRONG
LSU -12 so wrong
I am going to spice things up:
1) $991.96 on... GEORGIA (straight up)!!! At -13500, I stand to win $7.35.
2) $55.58 on Florida (the Gators) straight up at +270. I stand to win $150.07.
Please note that if chalk holds and I win bet 1) but lose bet 2), my bankroll will be exactly $1000.00. Calculating the bets necessary to do that is the most rewarding thing I will do all year.
I elected not to stick with the Tide at -216000 which would have netted me 49 cents.
Alabama -49 This will probably be wrong, but then again maybe it won't. But it will.
Texas A&M -21 Man I don't know. This is also probably wrong. Whatever.
Tennessee +32 I keep doing this for some reason. Wrong.
Southern Miss +27 I also keep doing this (doubting Gus and the boys). Wrong.
Florida +7.5 This is the only one of which I'm confident. Which means it will be way wrong.
South Carolina +2 Gotta dance with the lady what WRONG
LSU -12 so wrong
I am going to spice things up:
1) $991.96 on... GEORGIA (straight up)!!! At -13500, I stand to win $7.35.
2) $55.58 on Florida (the Gators) straight up at +270. I stand to win $150.07.
Please note that if chalk holds and I win bet 1) but lose bet 2), my bankroll will be exactly $1000.00. Calculating the bets necessary to do that is the most rewarding thing I will do all year.
I elected not to stick with the Tide at -216000 which would have netted me 49 cents.
Tuesday, September 25, 2018
*In a piercing falsetto* Week Five
Thus begins "the separating..."
Charlie Football: 5-3 (18-16)
Captain Doofus: 3-5 (15-19)
So many points.
UL-Lafayette @ Alabama (-49)
Arkansas vs Texas A&M (-21)
Tennessee @ Georgia (-32)
Southern Miss @ Auburn (-27)
Florida @ Mississippi State (-7.5)
South Carolina @ Kentucky (-2)
Old Mist @ LSU (-12)
The "Nice Bookie"
Solid Gold Charles: $836.44
Sordid Mold Captain: $1048.23
Charlie Football: 5-3 (18-16)
Captain Doofus: 3-5 (15-19)
So many points.
UL-Lafayette @ Alabama (-49)
Arkansas vs Texas A&M (-21)
Tennessee @ Georgia (-32)
Southern Miss @ Auburn (-27)
Florida @ Mississippi State (-7.5)
South Carolina @ Kentucky (-2)
Old Mist @ LSU (-12)
The "Nice Bookie"
Solid Gold Charles: $836.44
Sordid Mold Captain: $1048.23
Thursday, September 20, 2018
five for betting (like five for fighting)
Georgia (-14.5) So far, picking a bad outcome would be a good betting strategy for me.
Kent State (+29) Kent State's pretty bad but this is a real big line. As we've discussed, who knows what to do with a line like this?
TAMU (+26) idiot
South Carolina (-2) sure
Mississississippi State (-9.5) This line seems a little bit low to me, but what do I know. nothing.
Tennessee (+4.5) I am officially predicting Florida to win but not cover.
La Tech (+21) Hangover, also LSU plays that grind it out grind it out offense
Auburn (-30) idiot
________
"the nice bookie"
$740.94 means I am betting at least $185.24. The bets have not been kind to me. I still like my strategy, except it's just wrong and dumb.
$11 on TAMU to win straight up, to win $300
$22 on Georgia-Missouri to go over 64.5
$33 on Louisiana Tech to cover (+21) against LSU
$44 on Florida-Tennessee to go over 46.5
$97.50 on Georgia to win straight up, to win $16.50.
Kent State (+29) Kent State's pretty bad but this is a real big line. As we've discussed, who knows what to do with a line like this?
TAMU (+26) idiot
South Carolina (-2) sure
Mississississippi State (-9.5) This line seems a little bit low to me, but what do I know. nothing.
Tennessee (+4.5) I am officially predicting Florida to win but not cover.
La Tech (+21) Hangover, also LSU plays that grind it out grind it out offense
Auburn (-30) idiot
________
"the nice bookie"
$740.94 means I am betting at least $185.24. The bets have not been kind to me. I still like my strategy, except it's just wrong and dumb.
$11 on TAMU to win straight up, to win $300
$22 on Georgia-Missouri to go over 64.5
$33 on Louisiana Tech to cover (+21) against LSU
$44 on Florida-Tennessee to go over 46.5
$97.50 on Georgia to win straight up, to win $16.50.
dont turn around oh ooohhh Der Kapitan's in town ohh ooooohhh
GAH i forgot to publish!!! ack!
Georgia -14.5 Georgia won at South Carolina by more than this and Missouri almost lost to Purdue.
Old Mist -29 Kent read, Kent write, Kent get enough of your love baby.
Alabama -26 Oh no.
South Carolina -2 This will be wrong but South Carolina is my lucky totem.
Kentucky +9.5 Welcome to Kroger Field: Home of the Kentucky Wildcats.
Tennessee +4.5 Really think Tennessee is about to turn the corner.
La Tech +21 This seems like the kind of game in which LSU screws around, especially in a season they beat Auburn. Also LSU will lose to Alabama by 5 touchdowns.
Arkansas +30 guh
moneymoney moooney... mooooooonneey:
The real bookies are on to me. The best I can get is -4000 on THE TIDE. So, $1021.99 of my $1022.68 on THE TIDE at -4000 it is. I stand to win a cool $25.55.
Georgia -14.5 Georgia won at South Carolina by more than this and Missouri almost lost to Purdue.
Old Mist -29 Kent read, Kent write, Kent get enough of your love baby.
Alabama -26 Oh no.
South Carolina -2 This will be wrong but South Carolina is my lucky totem.
Kentucky +9.5 Welcome to Kroger Field: Home of the Kentucky Wildcats.
Tennessee +4.5 Really think Tennessee is about to turn the corner.
La Tech +21 This seems like the kind of game in which LSU screws around, especially in a season they beat Auburn. Also LSU will lose to Alabama by 5 touchdowns.
Arkansas +30 guh
moneymoney moooney... mooooooonneey:
The real bookies are on to me. The best I can get is -4000 on THE TIDE. So, $1021.99 of my $1022.68 on THE TIDE at -4000 it is. I stand to win a cool $25.55.
Tuesday, September 18, 2018
week for fun
Future president: 4-6 (12-14)
Future precedent: 5-5 (13-13)
This week's contests are mostly big lines but some interesting games:
Georgia (-14.5) at Missouri
Kent State at Old Mist (-29)
TAMU at Alabama (-26)
South Carolina (-2) at Vandy
Mississississippi State (-9.5) at Kentucky
Florida (-4.5) at Tennessee (Tennessee)
La Tech at LSU (-21)
Arkansas at Auburn (-30)
________
"the nice bookie"
Rich man: $1022.68
Poor man: $740.94
Future precedent: 5-5 (13-13)
This week's contests are mostly big lines but some interesting games:
Georgia (-14.5) at Missouri
Kent State at Old Mist (-29)
TAMU at Alabama (-26)
South Carolina (-2) at Vandy
Mississississippi State (-9.5) at Kentucky
Florida (-4.5) at Tennessee (Tennessee)
La Tech at LSU (-21)
Arkansas at Auburn (-30)
________
"the nice bookie"
Rich man: $1022.68
Poor man: $740.94
Thursday, September 13, 2018
week three's the story of the hurricane
Which made them cancel the SC game
It was a game that's kind of dumb
but least Marshall didn't get on
an aeroooooplaaaane
Lots of picks!
Tennessee (-30) sure
Vanderbilt (+14.5) This is a big line that's solely so big because of the names of the teams, right?
LSU (+9.5) Auburn winning but not covering seems most likely here. The over-under on this game is so low, and that throws off my strategy for the bets below.
Florida (-20.5) lmao
Arkansas (-7) like Florida, lmao. Also, I think (without evidence) good teams who get upset are more likely to get mad at the next home game.
Alabama (-21) sick
Georgia (-32.5) now here's a game I hate
UL-Lafayette (-33.5) seems like a big line
UL-Monroe (+26.5) hangover effect
Missouri (-7) I feel like in 1999 I would have had very strong feelings about this game
_______
Cash money homies. Betting from $883.42, so betting at least $220.86.
$11 on Old Mist straight up, to win $120
$51.25 on Auburn straight up, to win $13.75
$55 on Purdue straight up, to win $102.50
$22.50 on Vanderbilt straight up, to win $175
$30 on Vanderbilt to cover +14.5
$30 UTEP-Tennessee to go over 47.5 points
It was a game that's kind of dumb
but least Marshall didn't get on
an aeroooooplaaaane
Lots of picks!
Tennessee (-30) sure
Vanderbilt (+14.5) This is a big line that's solely so big because of the names of the teams, right?
LSU (+9.5) Auburn winning but not covering seems most likely here. The over-under on this game is so low, and that throws off my strategy for the bets below.
Florida (-20.5) lmao
Arkansas (-7) like Florida, lmao. Also, I think (without evidence) good teams who get upset are more likely to get mad at the next home game.
Alabama (-21) sick
Georgia (-32.5) now here's a game I hate
UL-Lafayette (-33.5) seems like a big line
UL-Monroe (+26.5) hangover effect
Missouri (-7) I feel like in 1999 I would have had very strong feelings about this game
_______
Cash money homies. Betting from $883.42, so betting at least $220.86.
$11 on Old Mist straight up, to win $120
$51.25 on Auburn straight up, to win $13.75
$55 on Purdue straight up, to win $102.50
$22.50 on Vanderbilt straight up, to win $175
$30 on Vanderbilt to cover +14.5
$30 UTEP-Tennessee to go over 47.5 points
Third Week from the Sun
Looking forward to going 0-11.
Tennessee -30 Seem like UTEP is really bad? A lot of points there, but Tennessee will want to put on a good show for their fans.
Notre Dame -14.5 I think Brian is a funny name for a man who wishes to be taken seriously. But I think Brian's boys will get it done.
LSU +9.5 Puhhh-leeeease.
Florida -20.5 Bounceback. Gators got a little something for 'em.
Arkansas -7 Bounceback. Hogs got a little something for 'em.
Alabama -21 All I got to say is I got nothing to say.
MTSU +32.5 I have no idea what to do with the four 26-plus point games (Tenn, MissSt, UGA, and TAMU). Pretty much just decided I needed two dogs and two faves and then just went wild.
UL-Lafayette +33.5 Yeah.
Texas A&M -26.5 Sure.
Missouri -7 Hardest game to pick because it seems like the line should be higher? Like someone is trying to trick me. I'm to smart for that.
Marshall +13.5 If this wasn't such a fiercely contested and eagerly anticipated rivalry game, I might almost expect them to just cancel the damn thing. If they do play, there might not be 14 total points scored. UPDATE: OK. They canceled it.
Time to toss some paper:
I am, of course, betting $936.82 (squirreling away 69 cents to have next time just in case) on the very famous football team the Tide to beat Old Mist at -1100. I stand to win $85.17.
Tennessee -30 Seem like UTEP is really bad? A lot of points there, but Tennessee will want to put on a good show for their fans.
Notre Dame -14.5 I think Brian is a funny name for a man who wishes to be taken seriously. But I think Brian's boys will get it done.
LSU +9.5 Puhhh-leeeease.
Florida -20.5 Bounceback. Gators got a little something for 'em.
Arkansas -7 Bounceback. Hogs got a little something for 'em.
Alabama -21 All I got to say is I got nothing to say.
MTSU +32.5 I have no idea what to do with the four 26-plus point games (Tenn, MissSt, UGA, and TAMU). Pretty much just decided I needed two dogs and two faves and then just went wild.
UL-Lafayette +33.5 Yeah.
Texas A&M -26.5 Sure.
Missouri -7 Hardest game to pick because it seems like the line should be higher? Like someone is trying to trick me. I'm to smart for that.
Marshall +13.5 If this wasn't such a fiercely contested and eagerly anticipated rivalry game, I might almost expect them to just cancel the damn thing. If they do play, there might not be 14 total points scored. UPDATE: OK. They canceled it.
Time to toss some paper:
I am, of course, betting $936.82 (squirreling away 69 cents to have next time just in case) on the very famous football team the Tide to beat Old Mist at -1100. I stand to win $85.17.
Tuesday, September 11, 2018
week 3(E)
In lock-step once again:
The mensch Charles: 3-5 (8-8)
The wench Wes: 3-5 (8-8)
"The Nice Bookie:"
C: $883.42 ($220.86)
Tha C: $937.51 ($234.38)
The number in parentheses is of course what you have to wager this week. you will notice that my number is larger than yours. that's because I have more money than you.
FUN FACT: This is the most valid games we've had in any weekend that wasn't the first weekend of a season.
NOT FUN FACT: the forecast for that south Carolina game is rain, I would guess.
UTEP @ Tennessee (-30)
Vanderbilt @ Notre Dang (-14.5)
LSU @ Auburn (-9.5)
Colorado St. @ Florida (-20.5)
North Texas @ Arkansas (-7)
Alabama (-21) @ Old Mist
MTSU @ Georgia (-32.5)
UL-Lafayette @ Mississippi St. (-33.5)
UL-Monroe @ Texas A&M (-26.5)
Missouri (-7) @ Purdue
Marshall @ South Carolina (-13.5)
The mensch Charles: 3-5 (8-8)
The wench Wes: 3-5 (8-8)
"The Nice Bookie:"
C: $883.42 ($220.86)
Tha C: $937.51 ($234.38)
The number in parentheses is of course what you have to wager this week. you will notice that my number is larger than yours. that's because I have more money than you.
UTEP @ Tennessee (-30)
Vanderbilt @ Notre Dang (-14.5)
LSU @ Auburn (-9.5)
Colorado St. @ Florida (-20.5)
North Texas @ Arkansas (-7)
Alabama (-21) @ Old Mist
MTSU @ Georgia (-32.5)
UL-Lafayette @ Mississippi St. (-33.5)
UL-Monroe @ Texas A&M (-26.5)
Missouri (-7) @ Purdue
Thursday, September 06, 2018
werk twerk
Mississippi State (-9.5) not confident about that
Vanderbilt (-9) also not confident
Arkansas State (+36.5) idiot
Georgia (-10) going with what would be worse
Wyoming (+17) another tight one
Clemson (-12.5) statement game
Arkansas (-13) book it
Florida (-14) several favorites this week, seems like that's a mistake
MONEY THING
I have $940.91 and so have to bet at least $235.23. These odds come from Bovada as of 3:00pmish. Going to try to climb back up gradually in a week I don't see a lot of sure bets.
I'll bet $110 on Florida to beat Kentucky, to win $21
I'll bet $90 on Clemson to beat TAMU to win $22
I'll bet $40 on Georgia beating South Carolina, to win $11.50
I'll bet $10 on Mississippi State vs. Kansas to go under 54 points
I'll bet $10.91 on Missouri-Wyoming to go over 52 points
Vanderbilt (-9) also not confident
Arkansas State (+36.5) idiot
Georgia (-10) going with what would be worse
Wyoming (+17) another tight one
Clemson (-12.5) statement game
Arkansas (-13) book it
Florida (-14) several favorites this week, seems like that's a mistake
MONEY THING
I have $940.91 and so have to bet at least $235.23. These odds come from Bovada as of 3:00pmish. Going to try to climb back up gradually in a week I don't see a lot of sure bets.
I'll bet $110 on Florida to beat Kentucky, to win $21
I'll bet $90 on Clemson to beat TAMU to win $22
I'll bet $40 on Georgia beating South Carolina, to win $11.50
I'll bet $10 on Mississippi State vs. Kansas to go under 54 points
I'll bet $10.91 on Missouri-Wyoming to go over 52 points
WEEK TWO: In honor of space mountain, i'm going to call this "space weekend"
space mountain is crazy I bet. roller coaster in the dark. wouldn't do that, myself. but, man. sounds crazy! that's kind of what picking all these great matchups is like for me!
Kansas State +9.5 Space Mountain Fact: space mountain was built in 1943.
Vanderbilt -9 Space Mountain Fact: space mountain is property of the Disney corp.
Alabama -36.5 Space Mountain Fact: space mountain is the darkest roller coaster in the world.
South Carolina +10 Space Mountain Fact: the first president to ride space mountain was ike Eisenhower.
Wyoming +17 Space Mountain Fact: 4 people have died in space mountain.
Clemson -12.5 Space Mountain Fact: space mountain is not actually in space, but rather it is at Disney.
Arkansas -13 Space Mountain Fact: no food or drinks are allowed on space mountain.
Kentucky +14 Space Mountain Fact: space mountain goes 100 miles per hour.
the wager of sin is death:
I am betting all $934.50 on Alabama to win straight up at -31050. I stand to win $3.01. This is the only way I will not lose money this weekend.
WELCOME TO SPACE WEEKEND
Kansas State +9.5 Space Mountain Fact: space mountain was built in 1943.
Vanderbilt -9 Space Mountain Fact: space mountain is property of the Disney corp.
Alabama -36.5 Space Mountain Fact: space mountain is the darkest roller coaster in the world.
South Carolina +10 Space Mountain Fact: the first president to ride space mountain was ike Eisenhower.
Wyoming +17 Space Mountain Fact: 4 people have died in space mountain.
Clemson -12.5 Space Mountain Fact: space mountain is not actually in space, but rather it is at Disney.
Arkansas -13 Space Mountain Fact: no food or drinks are allowed on space mountain.
Kentucky +14 Space Mountain Fact: space mountain goes 100 miles per hour.
the wager of sin is death:
I am betting all $934.50 on Alabama to win straight up at -31050. I stand to win $3.01. This is the only way I will not lose money this weekend.
WELCOME TO SPACE WEEKEND
Tuesday, September 04, 2018
it's already exhausting
Chap Smear: 5-3 (5-3)
Caps Cheer: 5-3 (5-3)
This could be an interesting week, although I don't think it will be.
Mississippi State (-9.5) at Kansas State
Nevada at Vanderbilt (-9)
Arkansas State at Alabama (-36.5)
Georgia (-10) at South Carolina
Wyoming at Missouri (-17)
Clemson (12.5) at TAMU
Arkansas (-13) at Colorado State for some reason
Kentucky at Florida (-14)
The lineless: Auburn, Old Mist, LSU, Tennessee
"the nice bookie":
me: $940.91
you: $934.50
Caps Cheer: 5-3 (5-3)
This could be an interesting week, although I don't think it will be.
Mississippi State (-9.5) at Kansas State
Nevada at Vanderbilt (-9)
Arkansas State at Alabama (-36.5)
Georgia (-10) at South Carolina
Wyoming at Missouri (-17)
Clemson (12.5) at TAMU
Arkansas (-13) at Colorado State for some reason
Kentucky at Florida (-14)
The lineless: Auburn, Old Mist, LSU, Tennessee
"the nice bookie":
me: $940.91
you: $934.50
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