The following story is what I believe to be the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth about the Bible and Evolution. In the beginning God created the Heavens and the earth and all the animals upon the earth. Then he created a Garden of Eden in which he created man from the dust. And he called this man Adam. Then God saw that Adam was lonely so he put Adam to sleep and he took one of Adam’s ribs and he created a woman and he called this woman Eve.
So far so good, pretty typical creationist yarn...
God did not give them power to have sex and create. Because that would be evil and bad. God did not give Adam the power to have sex with his own flesh. God is a God of goodness not evil. They had no knowledge of kissing or sex.
Oh, I see...
Now the way it happened was Adam had sex with his own flesh because she was bone of his bone and flesh of his flesh. Now that would be worse than worse than incest and they would create closer than closer than closer flesh. Now we are still the same way because people still create birthdefects and deformaties. Here are just a few examples. The blind, deaf, handicapped, mentally retarded, gays, lesbians, shemales, morfadites, transvestites, midgets, giants, murderers, childmolestors and many more. So we are still the same now.
Damn morfadites...
Now everyone believes that Jesus came from God.
Well that’s not true. Jesus came from Mary having sex with a Roman soldier while Joseph was off fighting in a war. She lied to save her own life. Back then if a woman got pregnant and she wasn’t married they would stone her to death. So she lied and said that Jesus came from God. When Jesus grew up he found out the truth from the Priests and at 33 he came out and found 12 single virgins like him and he tried to tell everyone that in the eyes of God they were all brothers and sisters and they were committing incest by getting married.
Still not really into xtracrzy territory just yet, but here we go...
Now long before Jesus was born the white people created what they believed to be birthdefects. They looked different from the whites. Everytime one was born the whites would cut the nerves in the tongue so they couldn’t speak. They would grow them up and use them as slaves. The reason they cut their tongues was because the whites were afraid these people might plan some kind of over throw. So as long as they could understand english they didn’t have to speak english. So after a while they had a work force of several thousand workers. so what happened was these people simply got tired of being slaves and they ran off around the world and started their own countries.
When these people left there was a large group of men who took off and ended up in Africa. Some of these men went to Borneo and caught female Orangutans and sailed across to South America and had sex with the female Orangutans and created the Indian. And the men who stayed in Africa caught female Gorillas and had sex with them and created the Black man. When scientists found the bones they thought we came from a female Chimpanzee.
But it wasn’t a natural evolution it was a man made evolution. That’s where Bigfoot, Sasquatch, Orangutan man, Yeti and the Skunk Ape comes from. They are half man and half Gorilla and half man and half Orangutan. They use to call the American Indian the red man. The Orangutan has reddish or orange hair. When those men bred out the hair the Indian’s skin remained red. The Gorilla has black hair and skin. When those men bred out the hair the Black man’s skin remained black.
Yeah, that's better. He goes on to reference one of the lesser known land-bridges...The wooly mammoth was just a group of elephant that happened to wonder into the United States at the top of Africa when they were connected. They grew long hair to protect them against the cold.
And there you have it. He would lose to Dr. Ray if for no other reason than the mind-blowing restraint he shows in not even trying to explain dinosaurs.
That's preposterous; the Skunk Ape is obviously not real.
ReplyDeleteAlso I like this guy.