man you know it's bowl picks time

Myrtle Beach Bowl

My pick: Ohio (10)

The archetypal Bowl Game. I thought Ohio's coach was named Tim Allen, but that's not correct. 

R&L Carriers New Orleans Bowl

My pick: Jacksonville St. (4)

I am always going to pick teams from the state of Alabama. This state is going to go Undefeated in bowl season. RichRod is the coach at Jacksonville State, which is pretty funny. 

Cure Bowl

My pick: Appalachian St. (22)

pretty quotidian matchup imo

New Mexico Bowl

My pick: New Mexico State (2)

The seizure man. Old seizy. New Mexico State is not that good; even Auburn was competitive with them for a while.

LA Bowl

My pick: UCLA (3)

Boise State has been mired in controversy since the revelation that their mascot is an homage to former US President Bronco Bama, and I think that distraction will be the difference. 

Radiance Tech Independence Bowl 

My pick: Texas Tech (11)

Golden Bears, Red Raiders--is this a football game or a coloring book? Am I right, folks? 

Famous Toastery Bowl

My pick: Western Kentucky (18)

I'm sick and tired of constantly hearing about Toastery. Let off, you know?? 

Scooter’s Coffee Frisco Bowl 

My pick: UTSA (38)

Now UTSA, there's a team that feels good about itself. Also: That coffee gives me the scooters alright! 

RoofClaim.com Boca Raton Bowl

My pick: Syracuse (17)

Every one of us is complicit in this and will stand before Heaven's Judgment Seat, each for our own greater or lesser part.

Union Home Mortgage Gasparilla Bowl

My pick: UCF (30)

We <3 Gus

Birmingham Bowl

My pick: Troy (32)

Two interim coaches, right? It's a little weird to go from Troy to Tulane, from a football perspective, but not from an everything else perspective. 

Camellia Bowl 

My pick: NIU (8)

Turner the Burner, baby. Remember Butch Jones? He's back, in Pog form.  

Lockheed Martin Armed Forces Bowl

My pick: James Madison (33)
I must register my opposition to having two military-themed bowl games (this one and the Orange Bowl)

Famous Idaho Potato Bowl 

My pick: Utah State (7)
Which state shall emerge victorious? 

68 Ventures Bowl 

My pick: South Alabama (40)

Man I love 68 Ventures, a thing I had definitely heard of. Remember when South Alabama blasted Oklahoma State? 

SRS Distribution Las Vegas Bowl 

My pick: Utah (37)

Northwestern, really overshooting their expectations for this season.

EasyPost Hawaii Bowl 

My pick: San Jose St. (6)

Easy posty, lemon toasty. Gray Son McCaw, the Crow King, will not be available for the Chanticleers. 

Quick Lane Bowl 

My pick: Minnesota (21)

I hate the internet now, trying to look up a preview for a bowl game and getting 6,000 variations of the same algorithm-written article telling me which team had more passing yards.

SERVPRO First Responder Bowl

My pick: Texas State (13)

Servius Proscipulus (usually rendered SERV PRO in inscriptions) was a Roman politician, general, and poet. Born into an Etruscan family of some prominence, Proscipulus spent most of his life seeking to match the military exploits of his more capable ancestors, usually with disastrous results. His refusal to accept the settlement of the Second Thranduil War led to his eventual expulsion from Italy, and he died in Marcos. Generally known today for his failures as a general and politician, during his lifetime Proscipulus was primarily known for his witty and self-referential poems, none of which survive. His acid wit was legendary; Marcus Cicero famously said that Proscipulus's humor was "crueler and more dangerous than any Bohemian tip," the Bohemian tribes at the time being famous for the sharpness of their half-moon arrowheads. 

Guaranteed Rate Bowl

My pick: Kansas (28) 

That guy at Kansas seems like a good coach.  

Military Bowl

My pick: Tulane (1)

Tulane is better than people think. As usual, an insult to the troops. 

Duke’s Mayo Bowl 

My pick: West Virginia (27)

What, was East Carolina not available???? Because they're playing North Carolina. And they're West Virginia. Directions, you know? Some state should be named "East" something. 

Holiday Bowl 

My pick: Louisville (25) 

They should play the Holiday Bowl in Cambodia. Jayden Daniels winning the Heisman has done something to overshadow it, but wasting a quarterback talent like Caleb Williams at a place like USC is really an astounding failure of coaching. 

TaxAct Texas Bowl

My pick: Texas A&M (20)
some campy carny bullcrap. hokey, honkey horse hockey.

Wasabi Fenway Bowl 

My pick: SMU (36) 

Futurama: Death by SMU SMU 

Bad Boy Mowers Pinstripe Bowl

My pick: Miami(FL) (34)

[Old timey investigator voice]: Are you now, or have you ever been, a consumer of Bad Boy Mowers?

Pop-Tarts Bowl

My pick: Kansas St. (31) 

lets watch the pop tart bowl

Valero Alamo Bowl 

My pick: Oklahoma (12)

I can't believe, after last year's farcical tragedy, that they're letting Tha Captain do the halftime show again for the Alamo Bowl. How many horses have to die before the authorities do something about this? 

TaxSlayer Gator Bowl 

My pick: Clempson (24)

It was a very improbable outcome that Kentucky beat Louisville, Louisville lost to FSU, and it still was a big deal that Kentucky beat Louisville. 

Tony the Tiger Sun Bowl

My pick: Notre Dame (29)

Is Tony The Tiger Catholic 

AutoZone Libearty Bowl 

My pick: Iowa St. (23)
Matt Campbell is an odd-looking dude. If you just started from scratch and eliminated all tradition, prestige, etc, you would think Memphis would be pretty good, but they are most certainly not. 

Goodyear Cotton Bowl 

My pick: Ohio St. (35)

Ohio State is, you know, way better than Missouri, right?? Even with a back-up quarterback, I would think Ohio State would be better. The transfer portal etc is a more fair system, but it's also not as fun that every starting quarterback in America is apparently transferring. 

Chick-fil-A Peach Bowl
My pickL Penn St. (39)

Old Mist is actually Not That Good against really good defenses. Auburn almost beat them, so they must be bad. 

TransPerfect Music City Bowl

My pick: Auburn (9)

Video of this game will be used at an arraignment one day. 

Capital One Orange Bowl 

My pick: Georgia (19)

I still think Georgia is going to win because of the sinfulness of human society, but I am not nearly as confident as the big line suggests. Georgia does not want to be there, and Florida State has a chance at a split title.

Barstool Sports Arizona Bowl

My pick: Toledo (16)

Oh, Barstool Sports, great. They're finally letting some more real dickheads into college football. 

ReliaQuest Bowl 

My pick: LSU (26)

Even if Jayden Daniels doesn't play, LSU is still better than Wisconsin, right?

Cheez-It Citrus Bowl 

My pick: Tennessee (15)

Tennessee hasn't looked strong against very good defenses, but Iowa hasn't had any offense. Cheez-Its are probably my favorite or at least most-eaten name-brand snack. I don't eat Pop Tarts or other such treats much any more because of the sugar. At least for me, potato chips are just potato chips, and the cheap Piggly Wiggly chips are just as good as the fancy ones, unless they're literally freshly cooked. Similar for almonds etc--just get the store brand! But Cheez-Its are Cheez-Its.  

VRBO Fiesta Bowl 

My pick: Oregon (41)

Beat The Libs

Rose Bowl

My pick: alabama (5)

Commitment to the bit versus what I actually think will happen has got them down this low.

Allstate Sugar Bowl

My pick: Texas (14) 

The playoff sucks. We should go back to the old bowl system.