Wednesday, December 13, 2017

C .... C picks .... C picks some .... C picks some .... C picks some bowls .... C picks some bowls .... C picks some bowls und ich hab nichts gesagt

The theme of this year's Bowl Pick Them is that there are 39 contests between collegiate football teams.

New Orleans Bowl:
Troy v North Texas
My pick: TROY 30

The state of Alabama has a University of North Alabama, a University of South Alabama, and a University of West Alabama, but no University of East Alabama. Good luck men of Troy

Cure Bowl:
Western Kentucky v Georgia St.
My pick: GEORGIA STATE 1

Your guess, she is as good as mine.

Las Vegas Bowl:
Boise St. v Oregon
My pick: OREGON 7

The first day of bowl season is a real knock-out. I don't mean to be blount, but it packs a punch.

New Mexico Bowl:
Marshall v Colorado St.
My pick: COLORADO STATE 21

(like at a basketball game or something where we're cheering stuff wes likes): brad. lee. van. pelt. clap clap clap clap clap

Camellia Bowl:
Middle Tennessee v Arkansas St.
My pick: ARKANSAS ST 31

No state is better prepared to have a Middle StateName University than is the great state of Tennessee. Apparently everyone in Arkansas except Arkansas State changed coaches this year.

Boca Raton Bowl:
Akron v FAU
My pick: FAU 39

I don't know or care anything about these teams or the Cheribundi Tart Cherry Boca Raton Bowl, but the bookies say this is the surest thing.

Frisco Bowl:
Louisiana Tech v SMU
My pick: SMU 11

I though I liked La Tech to win since Morris is leaving SMU. But I decided I like SMU to win because they want to impress their new coach. This is not terribly coherent.

Gasparilla Bowl:
Temple v FIU
My pick: FIU 3

Bad Boy Mowers Gasparilla Bowl. Bad Boy Mowers Gasparilla Bowl. Bad Boy Mowers Gasparilla Bowl. Bad Boy Mowers Gasparilla Bowl. Bad Boy Mowers Gasparilla Bowl. Bad Boy Mowers Gasparilla Bowl.

Bahamas Bowl:
Ohio v UAB
My pick: OHIO 6

I was going to assert that Alabama is the most over-represented state by population in bowl season, but there's nobody in Wyoming so I am pretty sure they would win. Anyway, way to go UAB. Bahamas!

Potato Bowl:
Central Michigan v Wyoming
My pick: WYOMING  17

It's fun to say POE TAY TOE like a moron.

Birmingham Bowl:
Texas Tech v USF
My pick: YOU GOT IT ALL ON USF 34

South Florida had to cancel one game and postpone another! What are the odds, you ask? Pretty good, apparently.

Armed Forces Bowl:
San Diego St. v Army
My pick: SAN DIEGO STATE 25

I copied the list of all the games into Microsoft Word and moved them around until it looked roughly like the order of confidence I have. I cannot guess how this game ended up here.

Dollar General Bowl:
Appalachian St. v Toledo
My pick: TOLEDO 24

The App Store should sponsor a bowl that App State plays at every year. The actual sponsor is everything culturally the opposite of the Apple company.

Hawaii Bowl:
Fresno St. v Houston
My pick: FRESNO STATE 19

When I was in college, I would have been enormously excited about this game.

Heart of Dallas Bowl:
Utah v West Virginia
My pick: WEST VIRGINIA 10

(pretend I'm a guy waking up from a coma): Utah is the Pac-10, and it's the Pac-12? West Virginia is in the Big Twelve, but it's got ten members? And they're playing a bowl game in Dallas? Where's my wife and family?

Quick Lane Bowl:
Duke v Northern Illinois
My pick: NO, ILLINOIS 26

When people complain about conference realignment ruining the sport, this is the game they mean. It took a tremendous amount of argument and more than one trip to court, but once they finally got everything in place, I had hoped the NOILL Network would ensure that the Huskies stayed in the GLTA Conference like they belonged, where they regularly represented the Northwest Division in the GLTACon Championship Game. Sure, the GLTA was sometimes "Duke, Northern Illinois, and the eleven dwarfs," but even traditionally weaker powers like Indiana University, Purdue University, and Indiana University-Purdue University Indianapolis would make bowl games every few years. Unfortunately for the fans, Northern Illinois's administration was always more worried about money, and they couldn't resist the Big 16's invitation as a football-only member. Former conference foe Duke had a difficult time of things as a result before TV money and the Big East came calling, but in the last few year they've really expanded their facilities--not just in football but in other nationally-recognized programs like equestrian and lacrosse. Many thought the bad feelings would evaporate once both programs, who played in six straight and nine out of twelve GLTACon title games in addition to their annual cross-division rivalry game (The Battle for the Bloody Bonnet), found homes in new conferences. Unfortunately, that wasn't to be. As it turns out, this year's historic Quick Lane Bowl will be the first game between these two giants since the famous "Snow-and-Slip" match up of 1983. Famously, current Northern Illinois coach Bobby Bowden was arrested at that game for propositioning a male prostitute while working at a concession stand; the only proposition he's making now is that his powerful triple option attack can pull out one more game before he moves on to the NFL to coach the San Jose Sharks.

Cactus Bowl:
Kansas St. v UCLA
My pick: KANSAS STATE 22

pretty quotidian matchup imo

Independence Bowl:
Southern Mist v Florida St.
My pick: FREE SHOES UNIVERSITY 14

There's no reason for Florida State not to win this game, right? They're much more talented, have an exciting new coach, etc etc. But games where coaches leave, especially as ridiculously as this, always make me nervous.

Pinstripe Bowl:
Iowa v Boston College
My pick: IOWA 29

I'm not extremely sold on Iowa football (I don't think I watched an Iowa game this year), but whenever I hear the name of a Boston College coach, I think, "Oh yeah, that loser. He's still coaching?"

Foster Farms Bowl:
Arizona v Purdue
My pick: PURDON'T 12

I watched virtually no B1G football and very little P12C football this year.

Texas Bowl:
Texas v Missouri
My pick: MIZZOU 18

Texas is bad at pass defense. Missouri is good at pass offense.

Military Bowl:
Virginia v Navy
My pick: NAVY 4

I'd like for Auburn to run a true option offense, but I don't think it's a realistic option for power recruiting teams. Anyway, I heard Ken N. has a really good record in bowl games.

Camping World Bowl:
Virginia Tech v Oklahoma St.
My pick: OKLAHOMA! STATE 36

Gunds up!

Alamo Bowl:
Stanford v TCU
My pick: TCU 32

This is a game between very good coaches who probably should be at stronger football programs.

Holiday Bowl:
Washington St. v Michigan St.
My pick: WASHINGTON STATE 16

Now we determine which is the real apple state.

Belk Bowl:
Wake Forest v TAMU
My pick: WAKE FOREST 20

My thinking on this one is that it sounds like Texas A&M is emotionally shattered from their coach getting fired. Also: Clawfense!

Sun Bowl:
NC St. v Arizona St.
My pick: NC STATE 33

Arizona State's coaching situation turned out pretty funny.

Music City Bowl:
Kentucky v Northwestern
My pick: NORTHWESTERN 37

Kentucky sucks! They finished bad because they're bad. Northwestern is a football team.

Arizona Bowl:
Utah St. v New Mexico St.
My pick: UTAH STATE 5

I don't know how to pick this game, which really should have a lower confidence ranking.

Cotton Bowl:
USC v Ohio St.
My pick: THE OHIO STATE 28

Gross.

TaxSlayer Bowl:
Louisville v Mississippi St.
My pick: LOUISVILLE 38

Remember Lamar! buttons? For Lamar Alexander? I do. Anyway, I'd like Mississippi State's chances if this game was in October, but it's coach-leaving season for Starkville.

Liberty Bowl:
Iowa St. v Memphis
My pick: MEMPHIS 13

Memphis seems like a better football team, but their in-demand coach may inspire Iowa State.

Fiesta Bowl:
Washington v Penn St.
My pick: PENN STATE 15

It looks like the line has moved Penn State's way but this seems like a tough choice to me. Joe Paterno joke.

Orange Bowl:
Wisconsin v Miami (FL)
My pick: WISCONSIN 35

I very much do not like Wisconsin. I've gotten to where I like Miami.

Outback Bowl:
Michigan v South Carolina
My pick: MICHIGAN 23

Michigan is way better than South Carolina. But it's a bowl game, where unusual things happen, and the score will probably be like 11-8, so one odd play could change the outcome of the game.

Peach Bowl:
UCF v Auburn
My pick: AUBRUN 27

I'm actually way more confident than this in an on-the-field sense, but it seems unlikely that things actually go well for Auburn.

Citrus Bowl:
Notre Dame v LSU
My pick: Notre Dame 2

Notre Dame has a better team and coaches, but LSU has more talent and finished the season on an upswing. This is the toughest pick of the games I feel like I know anything about.

Rose Bowl:
Georgia v Oklahoma
My pick: GEORGIA 9

Dan Wolken on Twitter said that Georgia is the best job in college football, which is manifestly untrue. This is about as bad a line up for the play off that we could possibly have. As to the game, Georgia is the better team, but great quarterbacks win big games.

Sugar Bowl:
Alabama v Clemson
My pick: alabama 8

I am really unsure that Alabama will beat Clemson. Saban is a much better coach, and Alabama will be playing for revenge, but they're not as good as they usually are, and they're still pretty beat up. Still, evil usually wins in this fallen world.

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