Robert Byrd could play the fiddle

The world would be better if more politicians spent their time as mediocre bluegrass musicians as opposed to narcissistic sociopaths.

Changing rations to "bare bones."

The Oregon Trail twitter feed.

I can't tell you who to sock it to

Could you get any lamer

The new options for the Ole Miss mascot are an unsurprising mix of the silly and the predictable. Whatever they pick will probably be terrible.

If I were picking, they'd drop Rebels entirely. Instead, they'd be the Mississippi Rivers. A student dressed as a riverboat captain would be the sideline mascot. Every year before the Egg Bowl, the football team would catch an enormous catfish by hand and display it during the game in a big tank. If they won, they'd release the fish (who would be named Colonel Reb). If they lost, they feed it to a homeless shelter.

Saturday links

1. Highlights Magazine: The Evil Version

2. 50 States in a Week's Vacation

3. Tarrare "was a French showman and soldier, noted for his unusual eating habits. Able to eat vast amounts of meat, he was constantly hungry; his parents were unable to provide for him, and he was turned out of the family home as a teenager [...] After falling under suspicion of eating a toddler he was ejected from the hospital."

4. Bigfoot Encounters

crunch them numbers

50 games 107 goals 2.14 per game

lolz

Dear Prof Goeters Pat ,

In the course of a research at the Auburn University , I came across the dissertation:

‘ Torsionless Modules and Minimal Generating Sets for Ideals of Integral Domains ‘ written by your former student, BROWN WESLEY , in year 2006 .

As we would like to make the work available to a larger audience, I would be interested to get in touch with your former student to find out if he/she would like to submit the manuscript for review.

Therefore, I would be grateful if you would be so kind as to provide me with the email address or even simply forward this e-mail. Thank you.

Kind regards,
--
Kamini Gobin
Acquisition Editor

LAP Lambert Academic Publishing AG & Co. KG
Dudweiler Landstraße 99,
66123 Saarbrücken, Germany

Fon +49 681 3720-310
Fax +49 681 3720-3109

k.gobin@lappublishing.com / www.lappublishing.com

Handelsregister Amtsgericht Saarbrücken HRA 10752
Partner with unlimited liability

VDM Verwaltung Aktiengesellschaft
Handelsregister Amtsgericht Saarbrücken HRB 16777

Board of Directors: Dr. Wolfgang Müller (CEO), Christoph Schulligen and Esther von Krosigk
Supervisory Board: Prof. Dr. Johannes G. Bischoff (Chairman), RA Thomas Bischoff, RA André Gottschalk

Do you know what happens tonight?

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Two weird Simpsons comics links

1. Disturbing Simpsons

2. Don't Cry for Me, I'm Already Dead

I possess a sort of sociopathic narcissism that makes me think that I should be in charge of everyone

"My soul is terrifying"

The Chase for 2 goals per game

First 16 games: 25 goals (1.5625 per game)
Second 16 games: 42 goals (2.625 per game)
Total: 67 goals (2.09375 per game)

Told you it would open up. The seven that Portugal put past Evil Korea helped. For reference, the all-time list:

5.385 : Switzerland 1954
4.667 : France 1938
4.118 : Italy 1934
4.000 : Brazil 1950
3.889 : Uruguay 1930
3.600 : Sweden 1958
2.969 : Mexico 1970
2.808 : Spain 1982
2.781 : Chile 1962
2.781 : England 1966
2.712 : United States 1994
2.684 : Argentina 1978
2.672 : France 1998
2.553 : West Germany 1974
2.538 : Mexico 1986
2.516 : Korea/Japan 2002
2.297 : Germany 2006
2.212 : Italy 1990

Note that the top six were the first six world cups.

Edging Mike Leach and Tommy Tuberville in our hearts

Selections from the month of May from Jim Harbaugh's apparently real Twitter feed.

The legend lives on from the Chippewa on down Of the big lake they call Gitche Gumee The lake, it is said, never gives up her dead...

[...]

A lot of attention goes to our players on the field and in the classroom. But I am most proud of the moral character they display each day.

[...]

Congratulations to Newark (N.J.) Mayor @CoryBooker on his re-election! Proud Cardinal Football alum, Rhodes Scholar and world-changer.

My favorite 5 T.V. shows of all time: 1. The Rockford Files 2. "24" 3. The Twilight Zone (Rod Serling) 4. The Office 5. Curb Your Enthusiasm

Sept. 11 at UCLA - ESPN; Sept. 18 vs Wake Forest - ESPN2; Sept. 25 at Notre Dame - NBC; Oct. 2 at Oregon - ESPN; Oct. 9 vs USC - ABC.

Excited for the Cardinal program to have five straight games on national TV in our early 2010 season schedule. Unprecedented.

I am really looking forward to tonight's episode of 24. I am also contemplating changing my name to Jim HarBauer,

My bad

Manute Bol, who died this weekend, apparently originated the phrase "my bad."

Cruel people

"Of all the animals, man is the only one that is cruel."

Mark Twain, Damned Human Race

What did you do this week?

Just took care of business, that's all.

Friday Map Link

Where Americans Are Moving: click on one county to see all the movement between that county and other counties. Not as useful as it could be, but still fun.

Monopoly

The shortest possible game of monopoly

Stupid terrorists

But this view of the jihadist community is wildly off the mark. To be sure, some terrorists are steely and skilled—people like Mohamed Atta, the careful and well-trained head of the 9/11 hijackers. Their leaders and recruiters can be lethally subtle and manipulative, but the quiet truth is that many of the deluded foot soldiers are foolish and untrained, perhaps even untrainable. Acknowledging this fact could help us tailor our counterterrorism priorities—and publicizing it could help us erode the powerful images of strength and piety that terrorists rely on for recruiting and funding.

Nowhere is the gap between sinister stereotype and ridiculous reality more apparent than in Afghanistan, where it’s fair to say that the Taliban employ the world’s worst suicide bombers: one in two manages to kill only himself. And this success rate hasn’t improved at all in the five years they’ve been using suicide bombers, despite the experience of hundreds of attacks—or attempted attacks. In Afghanistan, as in many cultures, a manly embrace is a time-honored tradition for warriors before they go off to face death. Thus, many suicide bombers never even make it out of their training camp or safe house, as the pressure from these group hugs triggers the explosives in suicide vests. According to several sources at the United Nations, as many as six would-be suicide bombers died last July after one such embrace in Paktika.

The Case for Calling Them Nitwits

Relax the sphincter....

release the fixtures. A little reminder of how rare it is that a soccer fan has to go more than a couple of months without a competitive game to watch. Less than two months til the new premier league season. Also too, a harsh reminder of how short the college football season is. Cherish the special moments.

so far, so lame.

16 games played. 25 goals scored. It's early but no World Cup has ever averaged fewer than 2 goals per game. It should open up with the second dose of group games beginning this afternoon as many teams can no longer afford to play cagily for the draw.

Most impressive teams so far? Germany easily tops the list. South Korea was also solid. Can't be a coincidence that the crappiest of the bunch were Australia and Greece, the teams lucky enough to have witnessed the greatness of the Germans and Koreans. Argentina was probably better than the one goal they ended up scoring.

Upsets by Japan over Cameroon and Switzerland over Spain will reinforce the idea that the results of organized, defensive soccer can justify its mind-numbingness.

I'm teaching the Cold War today

Conference re-alignment becomes conference renaming

So, basically, the Big-10 and Big XII are just switching names?

Color me confused. I guess Nebraska and Colorado come out of this in better shape, plus whoever else joins the Pac-12. But why all the excitement?

Monday C+H

In the movie Fight Club, the real name of the protagonist (Ed Norton's character) is never revealed. And while some feel the only reason behind this is to give the character more of an "everyman" quality, I say, do not be deceived. Because it's obvious to anyone with working eyes that "Jack" is actually someone whom many of us grew up with, someone who might've been present at all your childhood breakfasts of Sugar Frosted Chocolate Bombs. You see, "Jack" from Fight Club and Calvin from the greatest comic strip ever, "Calvin and Hobbes," are in fact the exact same person! You have doubts, I'm sure. Well, that's to be expected. But laugh now, for by the time you finish reading this page, I will prove to you beyond a shadow of a doubt that Ed Norton is indeed playing the part of grown-up Calvin.

Calvin & Hobbes vs. Fight Club

It's very similar to Garfield minus Garfield, but Calvin minus Hobbes has a totally different (and depressing) flavor.

Travel plans

So, before last weekend, my general rule was that I would fly anywhere that I had to travel alone if the drive were more than 8 hours. Thanks to the massive incompetence of Delta and US Air, now that limit has been bumped up to 10-12 hours. Thanks, airline retards!

Do you want to get down?

Nintendo Saturday

Nintendo8, which has a bunch of NES games you can play right in that dang old internet browser. It also has links to other game sites like Dos Dose. Their games aren't quite as awesome as the orignals (Bubble Bobble needs two players to be enjoyable) but it's still pretty fun.

That's... the high life.

Elephants

TUCSON, AZ—Cheers, laughter, and applause filled the big top tent at the Ringling Bros. Circus Saturday as children of all ages were captivated by the savage enslavement of Topsy the elephant.

Whether young or just young at heart, thrilled audience members watched with glee as a circus trainer forced the frightened Topsy to perform tricks by brutally poking and prodding the traumatized 4-year-old pachyderm.

"He's such a funny happy elephant," said 8-year-old Madison Helms, referring to the abused creature that spends the majority of his time chained up in a cramped, feces-covered enclosure. "He loves being in the circus!"

The crowd reportedly let out loud gasps and vigorously clapped when Topsy stood up on his hind legs, an unnatural and excruciatingly painful movement that stresses and permanently damages the 8,000-pound elephant's joints.

Children Of All Ages Delighted By Enslavement Of Topsy The Elephant

Tiny

Look at this Little Thing!

Intellectual property rights

This Tuesday, millions of eyes will be glued to the season finale of Glee — a popular musical comedy airing on Fox. Excitement is building among the show’s viewership, but my own enthusiasm for Glee has recently given way to confusion over its message.

The fictional high school chorus at the center of the show has a huge problem, you see — nearly a million dollars in potential legal liability. For a show that regularly tackles thorny issues like teen pregnancy and alcohol abuse, it’s surprising that a million dollars worth of lawbreaking would go unmentioned. But it does, and week after week, those zany Glee kids rack up the potential to pay higher and higher fines.

In one recent episode, the AV Club helps cheerleading coach Sue Sylvester film a near-exact copy of Madonna’s Vogue music video (the real-life fine for copying Madonna’s original? up to $150,000). Just a few episodes later, a video of Sue dancing to Olivia Newton-John’s 1981 hit Physical is posted online (damages for recording the entirety of Physical on Sue’s camcorder: up to $300,000). And let’s not forget the glee club’s many mash-ups — songs created by mixing together two other musical pieces. Each mash-up is a “preparation of a derivative work” of the original two songs’ compositions – an action for which there is no compulsory license available, meaning (in plain English) that if the Glee kids were a real group of teenagers, they could not feasibly ask for — or hope to get — the copyright permissions they would need to make their songs, and their actions, legal under copyright law. Punishment for making each mash-up? Up to another $150,000 — times two.

Copyright: The Elephant in the Middle of the Glee Club

Vexillological World Cup: Final

Slovakia wins.

It looks like the Big XII is dead

Sorry, Kansas.

a series of links for the cap

MST3K! one two

soccer! one two three

UPDATE soccer four

better the urge song

why wasn't The Urge more popular?

hit the flooooor

Dragon

This thing is pretty cool, but I just really wanted to point out that it's Grand Illusions selling their most popular item, Dragon Illusion, making this a Grand Dragon Illusion.

Vexillological World Cup: Semis

England 2 - 2 Denmark
(Denmark wins 4 - 3 on penalties)


Germany 1 - 3 Slovakia

SUSPENSE!

warms my cold black heart

this just in

Holy crap

Occasionally, if you're a bull fighter, you get what you deserve.

I think I like the a capella version better

You decide!

Vexillological World Cup: Quarters

Aw shit. Surrious.

Uruguay 0 - 3 England

Is England really that good? No!

Denmark 2 - 1 Switzerland

Yeah, we like crossy type flags. BUT TOUCH THE EDGES.

Argentina 2 - 3 Germany

Fuck you, jews.

Slovakia 3 - 1 Honduras

Again, we hang it on our wall.


Semifinals:

England
Denmark

Germany
Slovakia

It was always going to be Eurocentric unless Botswana or Trinidad somehow made it this far.

Yahoo! Answers is consistently terrible

More

Tha Captainz Chamber

Play your cards right and you could be bunking in style, Sailor.

Two math links

a. One

b. Two

And one numbers puzzle:

In what order is the following sequence of numbers?
8 5 4 9 1 7 6 10 3 2 0