Auburn head basketball coach Bruce Pearl: 4-4 (31-20)
Alabama Senator Bruce Pearl: 3-5 (25-26)
:o :o :o :o :o :o :o :o :o :o :o :o
Looks like it's off week for many of us.
Kentucky at Georgia -20.5
Vanderbilt at Alabama -10.5
Texas -6.5 at Florida
Kent State at Oklahoma -45.5
Mississippi state at TAMU -14.5
Notre Dame -4.5 @ Arkansas: This is apparently a trendy upset pick, and a lot of the computers like Arkansas, and I just don't see it.
Utah St. @ Vanderbilt -22.5: obviously I'm invested in a game involving one of Auburn's three biggest rivals
LSU @ Old Mist -1.5: feels like this is wrong
Auburn +6.5 @ TAMU: Auburn will definitely lose, but they'll lose closer than 6.5 points.
Tennessee -7.5 @ Mississippi St.: seems low, even in notoriously hostile Starkville, MS
Alabama @ Georgia -2.5: Alabama State and Georgia State should also be playing today
UMass @ Mizzou -43.5: why not
Kentucky +6.5 @ South Carolina: Vanderbilt being an above-average quality team is really throwing off my already-shaky grasp of which former SEC East teams have already played
Got curious!
Favorites by 40 or more points ATS:
The Tylenol Bandit: 6-3 (22-21)
Captain Autism: 4-5 (27-16)
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Notre Dame -4.5 @ Arkansas
Utah St. @ Vanderbilt -22.5
LSU @ Old Mist -1.5
Auburn @ TAMU -6.5
Tennessee -7.5 @ Mississippi St.
Alabama @ Georgia -2.5
UMass @ Mizzou -43.5
Kentucky @ South Carolina -6.5
Arkansas at Memphis +6.5: I still don't believe in Arkansas. As a concept, I mean.
UAB at Tennessee -39.5: that's a lotta points, but UAB is bad
Auburn at Oklahoma -6.5: never
Tulane at Old Mist -12.5: This should be a conference game. Also, I guess I'm committed to Old Mist letting me down.
Northern Illinois +21.5 at Mississippi State: Turner the Burner baby
South Carolina + 13.5 at Missouri: looks like Sellers will play
Flo Rida at Miami -7.5: I'm not doing the thing about lines looking wrong because I've been so stupid so far, but this line looks very low.
Georgia State at Vanderbilt -26.5: [railroad union organizer getting roughed up by the Pinkertons voice] Fine, fine, I think Vanderbilt is good.
Sam Houston +41.5 at Texas: the beauty of sport
A pretty good record back when they played 11 games: 8-3 (23-11)
A bad record back when they played 11 games: 5-6 (16-18)
Not going well for some of us, but for others, things are going ... rather well.
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Arkansas -6.5 at Memphis
UAB at Tennessee -39.5
Auburn at Oklahoma -6.5
Tulane at Old Mist -12.5
Northern Illinois at Mississippi State -21.5
South Carolina at Missouri -13.5
Flo Rida at Miami -7.5
Georgia State at Vanderbilt -26.5
Sam Houston at Texas -41.5
Changing my Halo handle to "1Shot2DaNeck"
Oklahoma -24.5 @ Temple: weird
Wisconsin +20.5 @ Alabama: I may be drinking too deeply of the bottle labeled Hope
South Alabama +24.5 @ Auburn: Unpatriotic to beat a team called USA
Georgia @ Tennessee +3.5: [steely resolve melting]: oh what the heck, maybe things will get better instead of steady decline into violence and disorder
UL Lafayette +27.7 @ Mizzou: This is definitely a game I was already aware was happening.
UTEP +41.5 @ Texas: That's a lot of points, even against UTEP
Arkansas @ Old Mist -9.5: The Pitt Man Cometh
Florida +9.5 @ LSU: Florida turning around and beating LSU would be a hoot
TAMU @ Notre Dame -6.5: SEC expansion has really gone too far
EMU @ Kentucky -24.5: I'd love to be the kind of rich pervert who could throw $10,000 down on this game and not even care
Vanderbilt @ South Carolina -5.5: let's settle down on the Vanderbilt stuff
Norm MacDonald voice: 9/11
So, I first drafted this on Tuesday. Reasonably, my expectation was that no internet-famous bigots were going to get shot in the neck before it posted on 9/11. In that spirit, here are some other things that are going to be wrong!
Temple +24.5 The opposite of a quotidian matchup, imo.
Alabama -20.5 *Simpsons theme song voice* Ty Siiimpsooon
South Alabama +24.5 Can't think of anything.
Georgia +3.5 Moving along.
Mizzou -27.5 That guy was an amputee. Wild.
UTEP +41.5 *Primus voice* too many po-eeeeeeents
Arkansas +9.5 Arkansas can only get 7.5 points now. I never say no to a bargain.
LSU -9.5 Florida can only get 7.5 points now. I hate bargains!
Notre Dame -6.5 1991 Cotton Bowl ass matchup. (Looked this up now. TAMU and ND played in the Cotton Bowl after the 1987, 1992, and 1993 seasons.)
Kentucky -24.5 Krogerfield (like Cloverfield). Someone should do a photoshop of that.
Vanderbilt +5.5 Spurrier won 11 games 3 straight years in 2011-13 without going to the SEC championship game. That's wild.
America's Sweetheart: 6-6 (11-12)
America's Sweetheart (anti-vax): 9-3 (15-8)
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You know what to do next (flip a coin is what I do).
Oklahoma -24.5 @ Temple
Wisconsin @ Alabama -20.5
South Alabama @ Auburn -24.5
Georgia -3.5 @ Tennessee
UL Lafayette @ Mizzou -27.5
UTEP @ Texas -41.5
Arkansas @ Old Mist -9.5
Florida @ LSU -9.5
TAMU @ Notre Dame -6.5
EMU @ Kentucky -24.5
Vanderbilt @ South Carolina -5.5
Every week there's a canal. Or an inlet. Or a fjord.
San Jose St. + 36.5 I want to change this but I can't. I already typed it in to the computer.
TAMU - 29.5 Mike Elko looks like the kid from Christmas Story all grown up.
Kentucky +10.5 Two words: Kroger. Field.
Mizzou -6.5 Mizzou is my sleeper SEC Championship Game pick.
South Florida +17.5 Not dealing with Florida's shit right now.
Arkansas -23.5 Arkansas is my sleeper SEC Championship Game pick.
La Tech +37.5 In my mind, LSU always putters around in this kind of game. Remember when Brian Kelly did that fake southern accent at his introduction.
Arizona St. - 6.5 Mississippi St. seems bad.
Oklahoma -5.5 Oklahoma is my sleeper SEC Championship Game pick.
Ball St. +43.5 With respect to the context of this week, please do not underestimate my seriousness when I say "Thatsa Lotta Points!"
Virginia Tech -1.5 Eeexit liiiight
Alabama -36.5 It's Clobberin' Time.
San José State (+36.5) @ Texas: that's a lotta points
Utah State @ Texas A&M (-29.5): not too many points
Old Mist (-10.5) @ Kentucky: We haven't had much of a season yet, but this line seems insanely low, like a touchdown low. If we were doing The Nice Bookie, this is where I would likely lose a big chunk of my bankroll.
Kansas (+6.5) @ Missouri: Boarder War
South Florida @ Florida (-17.5): not too many points
Arkansas State @ Arkansas (-23.5): not too many points
Louisiana Tech (+37.5) @ LSU: that's a lotta points
Arizona State (-6.5) @ Mississippi State: Not as insanely low as Old Mist-Kentucky, but this still seems low.
Michigan @ Oklahoma (-5.5): "Helmet game" means I'll probably watch this stinker between two mediocre teams.
Ball State (+43.5) @ Auburn: that's a lotta points
Vanderbilt (+1.5) @ Virginia Tech: The Hokies did not impress last week. I don't dignify playoff talk because the CFB playoffs really shouldn't exist, but the talk about Vandy as a sneaky playoff contender seems premature.
UL Monroe (+36.5) @ Alabama: lmao or should I say LA-MO.
A winning record: 6-5
A worse, losing record: 5-6
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Utah State @ Texas A&M (-29.5)
Ole Miss (-10.5) @ Kentucky
Kansas @ Missouri (-6.5)
South Florida @ Florida (-17.5)
Arkansas State @ Arkansas (-23.5)
Louisiana Tech @ LSU (-37.5)
Arizona State (-6.5) @ Mississippi State
Michigan @ Oklahoma (-5.5)
Ball State @ Auburn (-43.5)
Vanderbilt @ Virginia Tech (-1.5)
UL Monroe @ Alabama (-36.5)
