Stranger Things. Let's start that this week. Week 1 is officially Stranger Things Week. Also every other week will be that. It's just how we do things 'round here.

oh this got out of hand

Florida +6.5  The native american johnny depp looking ass quarterback guy from utah is not playing. The line is like 4.5 now but both of those are more-than-a-field-goal-less-than-a-td. My point is that I'm very hungry.

Kentucky -25.5  Ball State is just a nickname. Their official name is Testicle State. Folks,

Virginia +27.5  Bronco "Bronck" Mendenhall is turning things around in Charlottesville. Okay, would everyone like to hear a largely pointless story? Don't care; story starting! So in fifth (5th) grade, the students at Thompson Elementary were treated to a trip to our nation's capital: Charlottesville, Va. Just kidding, I know the real capital is Richmond but we went to C-Vegas too. One of the big draws for that par-tick-ular hamlet is the birthplace of founding father (or as I call them the (democracy designing daddies (aka tha triple Ds)) Thomas Haley Jefferson: Monticello (pronounced in an offensively exaggerated Italian accent a-la Inglorious Basterds). Anyways, it's just a big stupid house where a bunch of slaves died but the real treat is that you can see a hill to the southwest. At the top of the hill stands some kind of building. See map below. Apparently the thing at the top of the hill (I know it's a 2D picture but the switchback road clearly suggests some sort of elevation change) is called "Montalto." Now, dear readers, as a naive and impressionable fifth (5th) grader I was told that "graduate students from UVA" lived there. Preposterous, I thought, as I watched a car traverse the winding path to the top. It seemed crazy at the time and it's something that haunts me to this day. The internet tells me that there is a wedding venue up there now and, hell, there may have been in 1993. I imagine the tour guide at Monticello mostly gets questions about where the slaves died and how many slaves died and how did the slaves die rather than "who lives at the top of that distant hill." Anyways, I learned a lot about democracy and how tour guides assume graduate students like living on mountains like dragons and trolls.

Auburn -34.5  Year 3 of the Harsin era or the "Renn-Harsin-ce" (Like Renaissance) as I and most of the people I talk to call it, gets off to a flying start. Minutemen? Yeah one minute is about how long it will take the patented "Har-fense" (Auburn's offense) scores some "Bryans" (points).

New Mexico +38.5  Jimbo probably wants to come out and show everyone how good his "24 points or bust" offense is.

South Carolina +2.5  Ol Head Ball Coach click clack

Alabama -40  Bryce Young is the best QB in cfb. Change my mind.

Florida St. +2.5  *badly mangles the seminole war chant* hiya humma hiya humma heap big football game

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{v}500.00 on Alabama -50000 to win {v}1.00