Shit I found on my computer.

...Apparently some kind of dream journal (gay!) that I tried to keep up.


10/19/06

Chopping through a box of books with an axe. Green, bulbous slime in the box with hypnotic, mind-control powers. Retards chained together and hitting railroad spikes into large wooden stakes with an axe. Part hellraiser, part Friday the 13th part V. A midget, maybe part clown. I chop his arms off and then steal them. He runs a video rental store that uses keys instead of video tapes. I go to rent Hellraiser. I have a ring of power. Jewel Staite is on a chair inside, cut in half, covered in shit. She’s in a movie called Thought Vacation. Upon arriving I ask the midget/clown/video clerk “Where are your arms? Oh yeah, I chopped them off and then stole them.” He says something to the effect of “Water under the
bridge!”

03/07/07

Someone’s family doesn’t like me. Thanksgiving dinner. I’m squeezed in at the table.

Swimming in a lake. Fantasizing about having my hand bitten off by a bull shark. Wouldn’t be mad at it. If it came to my house, I’d be mad. This is his territory. Harold Reynolds is there. Tells us how he’s gotten his life back together. I slide along algae covered rocks doing the robot dance. I get really pissed off that Caroline forgot to invite NASCAR driver David Gilliland.

10/30/07

Tim Tebow teaches me to hunt for clams. It makes sense because he is a clam.