Baseball

It just kinda de-emphasizes the whole impact of the BAMARAMARAMARAMARAMARAMA, you know? Plus, where's my fucking HEYCOLDBEER and HEYHOTDOG guy? I totally saw the HEYPRETZEL guy, but missed the other guys because of BAMARAMARAMARAMARAMARAMA and I didn't hear BAMARAMARAMAheyhotdogRAM-ARAMARAMA, see? Look, if you go to a baseball game and it's 900-million-degrees of brain-baking sunshine like it was the other day, you're not really gonna be up for a whole lot of yelling and screaming while you are Root-Root-Rooting for the Home Team like it says in the Bible we are supposed to do. You sit on ass and watch the fucking Game, man. You pay attention. You observe the pitching. You notice the shifts in the infield and outfield when different batters are up. You knock back a coupla hot dogs or maybe a "Half-Smoke." You drain a cold beer or two. Life is Good for a few short hours. And guess what? That is totally Appropriate for the Baseball.

It is a pastoral sport, man. The famous Dead Comedian George Carlin did a whole "Baseball vs. Football" routine, wherein he made clear the Militaristic Theme of Football vs. the Lovely Day in The Park Theme of Baseball, so you can go and Google that shit while I ask the Rhetorical Question: Why the fuck are they always trying to make the Baseball like Football? Can't we have stuff be different? I have attended and enjoyed Football games and it's usually way fucking colder than I would like it to be and everybody is all amped in the fullest non-military expression of Militaristic Society, and that's the Football, man, bring a Pocket Flask, all kindsa Greco-Roman Weirdness, people hollering with painted faces, screaming, "Tailgating" with Feverish Consumption of Mass Quantities of alco-beverage, Roasting of various Meats, lotsa BAMARAMARAMARAMARAMARAMA, and vomiting in the parking lot. Good Times, man, seriously. It all makes sense in the Gladiatorial Empire of a sport that celebrates the Big Game with Roman Numerals, totally fucking awesome, man, just don't get your Football in my Baseball, OK?

God Bless