Small fish, meet big pond: Three Contenders

For one of these three teams, this weekend will see PROMOTION CLINCHED. Until then, the only thing clinched will be butt cheeks! In anticipation!

Exhibit A: Birmingham City

Location: The Pittsburgh of England.

Nickname: The Blues, Bluenoses.

Stately, Non-Commercial Stadium Name: St. Andrew's Stadium.

Crest: Geographically dubious. Why is there a gigantic lake in Poland?

What they'll bring to the table (metaphorically speaking!): They're from Birmingham and they're righteous enough to proudly bear it in their name unlike their snooty neighbors at Aston Villa.

What they'll bring to the table (literally): In 2008, they were doomed from the beginning unlucky to be relegated. In 2010 they'll be extremely fucking lucky eager to stay up.

Exhibit B: Sheffield United

Location: Sheffield, South Yorkshire.

Nickname: The Blades. (the sword kind, not the daywalker kind)

Stately, Non-Commercial Stadium Name: Bramall Lane.

Crest: I don't remember a Prince of Persia merit badge, but okay.

What they'll bring to the table (metaphorically speaking!): Not a whole lot. Just a date on the schedule.

What they'll bring to the table (literally): A city like Sheffield not having a Premier League team... why, it's like Youngstown not having an NFL team! They couldn't stay afloat last time, but ask any Sheffield United fan: "WATHC OUT MANUNITD WERE COMIN 4 U." Blades Up!

Exhibit C: Reading (pronounced "Redding")

Location: Reading, Berkshire.

Nickname: The Royals.

Stately, Non-Commercial Stadium Name: Madejski Stadium.

Crest: I love things that are quartered.

What they'll bring to the table (metaphorically speaking!): A couple of American players, I think.

What they'll bring to the table (literally): Call me Krazy, but despite being the longest shot at promotion, I think they have the best shot at staying up if they get there. They were a top 10 club just a few years ago.