A collection of Irish jokes

Two Irish nuns are driving across the countryside when a vampire jumps onto the roof of their car.

"Quick Sister Josephina!" screams the driver. "Show him yer cross!"

The passenger nun leans out the window and yells "Up yours, cocksucker!"

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Doctors have isolated a variation of Alzheimer's called Irish Alzheimer's -- you forget everything but the grudges.

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These two Irishmen were looking for work. They saw a poster in the Post Office that said the police were looking for two men for murder, so they went down to the police station to apply.

When they got down there they saw a poster that the police were looking for two Pakistanis for rape. One said to the other, "Wouldn't you know it, those damn wogs get all the good jobs."

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What's a seven-course Irish meal? A potato and a six-pack.

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An IRA man dies and goes to heaven and is met by St Peter at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter says, 'You can't come in, you've been bad.'

The IRA man says, 'I don't want to come in, you've got ten minutes to get out.'

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An Englishman, a Scott, and a Irishman walked into a pub. Each ordered a pint of beer. Then a fly landed in each one's beer.

The Englishman, turning slightly green, pushed his beer away and asked for another one. The Scott took the fly out, shrugged, and drank his beer. The Irishman pinched the fly by the wings and yelled, "SPIT IT OUT!" "SPIT IT OUT!"

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Dunleavy and Brennan were out on a river one morning, fishing from their rowboat without much luck -- and needing something to quench their thirst. Suddenly, Dunleavy landed a large fish, who spoke to the two men: "Sure, if you let me go, I'll grant you a single wish." Before Brennan could speak, Dunleavy blurted, "Turn the river into beer!" The fish said, "Done," and hopped back into the river -- which changed moments later as the fish had promised. Dunleavy proudly said, "So whadya think of me now?" Brennan replied, "I think you're a feckin' idiot. Now we gotta piss in the boat."

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And did you hear about the Irishman who went to Rome and got so drunk that he kissed his wife and beat the pope's foot to a pulp with a coal shovel?

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Two nuns are riding their bicycles around Dublin trying to find their way back to the convent, but they're lost. After twenty minutes or so, one says, "I've never come this way before." The other gives a knowing nod, "It's the cobblestones."