*Staind voice* its been a whaaaahl

It's been a while since I did a score board.

I concede

MIAMI (FL) V OHIO ST (-10): sure

OREGON V TEXAS TECH (+1.5): wildcard! 

ALABAMA V INDIANA (-7): the good times

OLD MIST V GEORGIA (-7): the bad times

I concede!

Didn't wanna have to do it but I did.

Ohio St -10  In this context, thatsa lotta points, but Ohio St. is way better than Miami. And also almost everyone else.

Oregon -1.5  Oregon is my dark horse semifinal loser.

Alabama +7  I mean they're playing Indiana for pete's sake.

Old Mist +7  Old Mist had Georgia on the ropes and let them escape the ropes. I think this is a sailing metaphor? Perhaps it has to do with the boy scouts?

get a load of these freaks

-------------------------------------------------------------------------

QUARTERFINAL SPREADS

MIAMI (FL) V OHIO ST (-10)

OREGON (-1.5) V TEXAS TECH

ALABAMA V INDIANA (-7)

OLD MIST V GEORGIA (-7)

my little soda pop

 

And it was fun, fun, fun when we were laughing

The new Superman was pretty good.

The clown with the frown drivin' down to the sidewalk fair

It's Bowl Season

(Strong Bad voice) I said confidence picks! Confidence!

Jeesh, guy wouldn't know bowl picks if it came up and bit him in the face.

(that happened once)

Regular Bowls with Confidence

LA Bowl: Boise State vs. Washington (33): Big line, seems right, a good start. (snorting sounds) OK, let's look at the odds for these football games.

Salute to Veterans Bowl: Troy vs. Jacksonville State (6): Game of the Year

Cure Bowl: Old Dominion vs. South Florida (23): I'm gonna take my Bulls against O D U / They're gonna pass 'til they can't no more

68 Ventures Bowl: Louisiana (11) vs. Delaware: In a contest of dead politicians, Huey Long versus Joe Biden in a match for the ages

Xbox Bowl: Arkansas State vs. Missouri State (7): Feels like this should be half of a bracket with like West Georgia and the University of Minnesota Duluth on the other side. 

Myrtle Beach Bowl: Kennesaw State (18) vs. Western Michigan: Looks like I forgot to pick one! 18 confidence points it is. Do me right, Owls (weird how often I say that).

Gasparilla Bowl: Memphis (20) vs. NC State: It's cool that Arkansas hired a coach all the Memphis fans wanted to get fired. Anyway, NC State stinks. 

Famous Idaho Potato Bowl: Washington State (9) vs. Utah State: I rarely get to say this, but: Future Conference Mates Collide

Boca Raton Bowl: Louisville (13) vs. Toledo: These cities are further apart than you would think

New Orleans Bowl: Western Kentucky (17) vs. Southern Miss: you're telling me that none of these are regular season conference games? i'm supposed to believe that?

Frisco Bowl: UNLV (27) vs. Ohio: UNLV would be a cool rapper name. Unlove. 

Hawai'i Bowl: Cal vs. Hawai'i (16): Bringing good cheer to young and old, meek and the bold: Ding, dong, ding, dong, that is their song. With joyful ring, all caroling, one seems to hear words of good cheer from everywhere, filling the air. Oh, how they pound, raising the sound, o'er hill and dale, telling their tale. Gaily they ring, while people sing songs of good cheer: The Hawaii Bowl is here. 

GameAbove Sports Bowl: Central Michigan vs. Northwestern (25): And they came down and they sat at his feet and they listened to him, and he spake, Beloved, I say unto thee, behold! behold! the GameAbove Sports Bowl. 

Rate Bowl: New Mexico vs. Minnesota (10): Did you know John Denver was born in Roswell, New Mexico? Oh, you did. Cool, cool. Oh, gotta go? Seems pretty soon, I was thinking we'd hang a while. Oh, alright, hey, take it easy. See you later. Wait, did you get my texts?

First Responder Bowl: FIU vs. UTSA (30): FIUTSA

Military Bowl: Pitt (8) vs. East Carolina: Coupla low-rent looking programs. Cheap looking. Unthinkable.

Pinstripe Bowl: Clemson vs. Penn State (22): Pinstripe, more like prison stripes with these two teams, am I right? Alt: The Disappointment Bowl. 

Fenway Bowl: UConn (24) vs. Army: UConn won nine games! They lost to Delaware but beat Duke, wild stuff. Although, I may have assumed this was a women's basketball game.

Pop-Tarts Bowl: BYU (12) vs. Georgia Tech: polygamy vs polynomials 

Arizona Bowl: Miami (OH) vs. Fresno State (21): Fresno Steaks

New Mexico Bowl: UNT (28) vs. San Diego State: An actually cool match up, neato. Every so often you lift up in this Hell World and see a little bit of light. 

Gator Bowl: Missouri (26) vs. Virginia: Despite my opposition to Missouri being in the SEC and indeed my opposition to pretty much the entire conference, I must root against Virginia. 

Texas Bowl: LSU (3) vs. Houston: The winner of this game will get a six-month exemption to pollute their wetlands and other local ecosystems even more with oil and gas extraction, and the team ahead at halftime will insert six cubic liters of noxious particulates into the air system of an elementary school of their choosing.

Birmingham Bowl: Georgia Southern vs. App State (5): didn't we go to this game 

Independence Bowl: Coastal Carolina vs. Louisiana Tech (32): Chanticleers is a good name. The announcement for their new coach looks extremely Hulu Limited Series.

Music City Bowl: Tennessee (29) vs. Illinois: Tennessee / Tennessee / Tennessee / Tennessee / Tennessee

Alamo Bowl: Southern Cal (31) vs. TCU: Couple of rich dickhead schools. They made a whole bowl game out of the bad guys from a 1980s college sex comedy. 

ReliaQuest Bowl: Iowa (14) vs. Vanderbilt: I think Iowa has a little something for 'em, and I am still not sold on Coach Bland Bane. 

Sun Bowl: Arizona State (19) vs. Duke: dilly dilly

Citrus Bowl: Texas (15) vs. Michigan: some, uh, stuff happening up in there Michigan / Remember when Texas was about to join the Pac-12? Or the Big 10? Those were both better timelines, I think.  

Las Vegas Bowl: Nebraska vs. Utah (35): Las Vegas, great spot for these piggish prudish fanbases. 

Armed Forces Bowl: Texas State (34) vs. Rice: This is a big line, should be bigger. Texas State is pretty good. Rice is also a food[citation needed]. 

Liberty Bowl: Navy vs. Cincinnati (1): sick

Duke's Mayo Bowl: Mississippi State (2) vs. Wake Forest: Go Wake, go break. 

Holiday Bowl: Arizona vs. SMU (4): Truly, saving the best for last.

College Football Playoff First Round Games: 

No. 9 Alabama at No. 8 Oklahoma (1.5): They should call the Alabama-Oklahoma rivalry game the Charlie Kirk Classic, because it will never get old. 

No. 10 Miami (Fla.) (+3.5) at No. 7 Texas A&M: TAMU is flagging. 

No. 20 Tulane (+17.5) at No. 6 Old Mist (-17.5): This should be a conference game

No. 24 James Madison at No. 5 Oregon (-21.5): I still have the chance to work "A Napier wit" into a conversation at some point, that's a plus. Hey, here's a free Gameday sign idea:

JERKING
ME
URGENTLY

We're still out here making bowl picks in this economy

In no particular order.

LA

Washington : 34 / Boise St.

Classified as a Grass- and Poison-type Pokémon, Bulbasaur is one of three starter Pokémon players are able to select at the game's beginning. It is a quadrupedal green creature resembling a dinosaur, with a large plant bulb on its back.

Montgomery

Jacksonville St. : 7 / Troy

It ain't Jacksonville, Florida! Also, Troy is the one in ancient Asia Minor.

Cure

USF : 29 / Old Dominion

An orange, dragon-like Pokémon, Charizard is the evolved form of Charmeleon and the final evolution of Charmander.

Mobile

Delaware : 2 / UL-Lafayette

Classified as a Water-type Pokémon, Blastoise is a large blue bipedal turtle Pokémon, featuring a pair of water cannons protruding from its shell above its shoulders and three claws on its hands and feet. 

XBOX (The Gamer's Bowl)

Mizzou St. : 3 / Arkansas St.

Classified as an Electric-type Pokémon, Raichu is a large orange mouse with a lightning bolt-shaped tail, and yellow sacs on its cheeks which can generate large amounts of electricity.

Myrtle Beach

Kennesaw St. : 8 / WMU

*to the tune of the opening of total eclipse of the heart* myrtle beach

Gasparilla

NC St. : 28 / Memphis

*to the tune of my sharona* gasparilla

Potato

Wazzu : 10 / Utah St.

*to the tune of tequila by the apaches* potato

Boca Raton

Louisville : 32 / Toledo

Louisville was a fun city! A big ol' bat. pizza. we parked under an overpass. no notes.

New Orleans

WKU : 22 / Southern Mist

Southern Mist definitely a Winn Dixie brand soft drink

Frisco

UNLV : 23 / Ohio (OH)

I'm proud of two things: drinking two 40 ounce beers in 5 minutes and writing Ohio (OH) on the line above this. Also I came back later to add: *to the tune of HOT TO GO* UNLV Ohio

Hawaii

Cal : 16 / Hawaii

Cal Hawaii is the name of a Private Eye in the worst movie you can imagine.

Detroit

Northwestern : 27 / CMU

I mentioned how there were no obvious High-Conf (high confidence) picks this year. Exhibit A is how I have Northwestern at 27 in a game where they're not playing Auburn.

Rate

Minnesota : 21 / New Mexico

How would I "Rate" these two? ha well I have been to an airport in Minnesota when I was a baby and I first drove a car in New Mexico (at White Sands!). So, they're both trash.

First Responder

UTSA : 31 / FIU

Let me tell you about a first responder who always answers your call. (me)

Military

Pitt : 25 / ECU

The real first responders.

Pinstripe

Clemson : 26 / Penn St.

Embarrassing.

Fenway

Army : 6 / UConn

More like, there's no F'n way I'm missing this game! I love the troops! Also, I like Army.

Pop-Tarts

BYU : 9 / Georgia Tech

Instead of talking about pop-tarts, we should be talking about how much pop farts! Pop is our fish.

Arizona

Fresno St. : 20 / Miami (OH)

Fresno should do commercials that are like "Fres... Yes!" I would go there if I already lived on campus and was going there.

New Mexico

SDSU : 14 / North Texas

*Uncle Baby Billy Voice* Hold up now..

Gator

Mizzou : 5 / Virginia

*Paul Simon Voice* Diamonds in the ends of their zones

Texas

LSU : 15 / Houston

When was the last time LSU didn't play in the Texas Bowl is my "when was the last time you saw the sun" from Dark City.

Birmingham

Georgia Southern : 17 / Appalachian St.

Too soon. (I am referring to seeing the words Birmingham and Southern together.) (because our school closed because of chicanery)

Independence

La Tech : 24 / Coastal Carolina

Just wrote a trilogy of goofball comedies set at a fictional "Coastal Dakota University".

Music City

Illinois : 12 / Tennessee

These states actually touch. Look at any map.

Alamo

USC : 30 / TCU

Get out of the way you stupid dipshit, it's the goddamn alamo bowl

Outback

Iowa : 13 / Vanderbilt

Crikey! 

Sun

Arizona St. : 19 / Duke

*Uncle Baby Billy Voice* This game's got more devils than a Talladega County whorehouse.

Citrus

Michigan : 11 / Texas

Helmet Game! Because both of these teams wear helmets.

Las Vegas

Utah : 35 / Nebraska

Las Vegas finally got some potentially non-Mormon Utahans to come spin the wheel.

Armed Forces

Texas St. : 33 / Rice

Nothing to say about this! I forgot I was putting pokemon descriptions on them earlier. I should have done that here! Ack!

Li-Bear-Ty

Navy : 18 / Cincinnati

They should call it the Li-Boat-y Bowl. On account of Cincinnati being on a river. Also Memphis is on a river. Also, Annapolis is on Chesapeake Bay. Those are the reasons.

Duke's Mayo

Mississippi St. : 1 / Wake Forest

They should change their name every year to reflect the current ACC Champion. Based on current realignment trends, I'm very much looking forward to next year's St. Bonaventure's Mayo bowl between Wake Forest and also Wake Forest.

Holiday

Arizona : 4 / SMU

They don't explicitly say it, but the Holiday they're talking about is Ramadan.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Alabama +1.5

Miami (FL) +3.5

Tulane +17.5

Oregon -21.5

it's bowl pick them 2025

For your well-being and moral certitude, we have three contests for the 2025 Bowl Season.

-Straight Up Bowl Pick Them

-Confidence Rankings, with a higher number indicating more confidence

-ATS Playoff Pick Them (per-pick value increasing by one each round)

Picks for the Bowl Pick Them/Confidence Ranking and the first round of the Playoff Pick Them are due by Friday, December 12, at 5:00 pm. Govern yourself accordingly.

BPT25BPT25BPT25BPT25BPT25BPT25BPT25BPT25BPT25BPT25BPT25

LA Bowl: Boise State vs. Washington

Salute to Veterans Bowl: Troy vs. Jacksonville State

Cure Bowl: Old Dominion vs. South Florida

68 Ventures Bowl: Louisiana vs. Delaware

Xbox Bowl: Arkansas State vs. Missouri State

Myrtle Beach Bowl: Kennesaw State vs. Western Michigan

Gasparilla Bowl: Memphis vs. NC State

Famous Idaho Potato Bowl: Washington State vs. Utah State

Boca Raton Bowl: Louisville vs. Toledo

New Orleans Bowl: Western Kentucky vs. Southern Miss

Frisco Bowl: UNLV vs. Ohio

Hawai'i Bowl: Cal vs. Hawai'i

GameAbove Sports Bowl: Central Michigan vs. Northwestern

Rate Bowl: New Mexico vs. Minnesota 

First Responder Bowl: FIU vs. UTSA

Military Bowl: Pitt vs. East Carolina

Pinstripe Bowl: Clemson vs. Penn State

Fenway Bowl: UConn vs. Army

Pop-Tarts Bowl: BYU vs. Georgia Tech

Arizona Bowl: Miami (OH) vs. Fresno State

New Mexico Bowl: UNT vs. San Diego State

Gator Bowl: Missouri vs. Virginia 

Texas Bowl: LSU vs. Houston

Birmingham Bowl: Georgia Southern vs. App State

Independence Bowl: Coastal Carolina vs. Louisiana Tech 

Music City Bowl: Tennessee vs. Illinois

Alamo Bowl: Southern Cal vs. TCU

ReliaQuest Bowl: Iowa vs. Vanderbilt

Sun Bowl: Arizona State vs. Duke

Citrus Bowl: Texas vs. Michigan

Las Vegas Bowl: Nebraska vs. Utah

Armed Forces Bowl: Texas State vs. Rice

Liberty Bowl: Navy vs. Cincinnati

Duke's Mayo Bowl: Mississippi State vs. Wake Forest

Holiday Bowl: Arizona vs. SMU

BPT25BPT25BPT25BPT25BPT25BPT25BPT25BPT25BPT25BPT25BPT25

College Football Playoff First Round Games: 

No. 9 Alabama at No. 8 Oklahoma (1.5) 

No. 10 Miami (Fla.) at No. 7 Texas A&M (-3.5)

No. 20 Tulane at No. 6 Ole Miss (-17.5)

No. 24 James Madison at No. 5 Oregon (-21.5)

*Weird gargling noises*

 

We Did It

We did.

1st Place: 8-2 (71-42)

2nd Place: 6-4 (59-54)

*to the tune of van halen's runnin' with the devil* goin' through the motions

Just kidding, I'm putting all of my focus on this!

Mississippi St. +7.5  Weird stuff happens in the Egg Bowl! Also, when Old Mist and Mississippi St. play football.

Georgia Tech +13.5  "Clean, Old-Fashioned Hate" or whatever it is never sat right with me. I think it should be called "The Eternal Battle for Ol' Man McGillicutty's Wretched Soul."

Texas +2.5  Still not convinced Tammy is good.

Clemson +2.5  Clem must be very proud of his legions of large sons.

Louisville -3.5  Different story if this were at Kroger Field.

Oklahoma -10  LSU is cooked (and slathered in that delicious cajun cream sauce from Frenchie's).

Vanderbilt +2.5  I believe (that this will be televised).

Mizzou -2.5  If any team could play a game that ended up with a half-point margin it would be Arkansas.

Florida  This is a rivalry that should have a better name than whatever it has. 

Alabama -5.5  It's cruel that we have to wait until the last game to get this over with. It's also cruel that it's being played at all.

I'm thankful these awful people are leaving Auburn

Old Mist -7.5 @ Mississippi St.: weird line

Georgia @ Georgia Tech +13.5: hoping!!

TAMMY -2.5 @ Texas: tammy. Go back to the SWC you freaks

Clemson @ South Carolina -2.5: lol

Kentucky @ Louisville -3.5: Stoops got something for em? No!

LSU +10 @ Oklahoma: no idea. Oklahoma plays an ugly game, that's my logic. 

Vanderbilt @ Tennessee -2.5: I'm getting tired of Vanderbilt.

Mizzou -2.5 @ Arkansas: Hey get this out of my conference 

Florida St. @ Florida: lol

Alabama -5.5 @ Auburn: nope

Real Good Effort All Around

Really good. Thank you for a wonderful visit.

Always forgetting to put the records in here: 5-2 (63-40)

Never forgets anything: 4-3 (53-50)

--------------------------------------------------------------------

Old Mist -7.5 @ Mississippi St.

Georgia -13.5 @ Georgia Tech

TAMMY -2.5 @ Texas

Clemson @ South Carolina -2.5

Kentucky @ Louisville -3.5

LSU @ Oklahoma -10

Vanderbilt @ Tennessee -2.5

Mizzou -2.5 @ Arkansas

Florida St. @ Florida PICK EM (I saw Florida -1.5 on one app and FSU -1.5 on another app so I'm doing this.)

Alabama -5.5 @ Auburn

Week 13 equals We're Still in the Spooky Season

Simply delightful. 

Missouri +7.5 at Oklahoma: Got "13-16" written all over it.

Charlotte +44.5 at Georgia: who cares. hate this. 

Arkansas at Texas -9.5: sure???

Kentucky +9.5 at Vanderbilt: I thought Kentucky was going to be "fired at midseason" bad, but Stoops has, like the Counting Crows, been hanging around. 

Coastal Carolina +23.5 at South Carolina: Trap game?

Tennessee -4.5 at Florida: I don't think they will, but Tennessee losing to Florida again would be pretty funny.

Western Kentucky +23.5 at LSU: Gap trame?

week 13. truly, the season has flown by. they always do.

As my grandpappy always used to say: "You are going to screw this up."

Oklahoma -7.5

UNC-Charlotte +44.5

Texas -9.5

Vanderbilt -9.5

South Carolina -23.5

Florida +4.5

LSU -23.5

SoCon Saturday isn't quite what it used to be, but we've still got some stinkers

Your eventual winner: 5-2 (58-38)

Your certain loser: 4-3 (49-47)

Folks, Tha Captain is on a run the likes of which we may never see again.

=======================

Missouri at Oklahoma -7.5

Charlotte at Georgia -44.5

Arkansas at Texas -9.5

Kentucky at Vanderbilt -9.5

Coastal Carolina at South Carolina -23.5

Tennessee -4.5 at Florida

Western Kentucky at LSU -23.5

*Noticeably Agitated* Picks

South Carolina +19.5

Arkansas +5.5

Alabama -6

NMSU +39.5

Old Mist -14.5

Georgia -6

Mizzou -7

Thursday the Thirteenth: Still Spooky Season

South Carolina @ TAMMY -19.5: tammy

Arkansas +5.5 @ LSU: lol

Oklahoma +6 @ Alabama: This is the only game involving a "real" SEC team and one of the new additions that seems natural to me

New Mexico st +39.5 @ Tennessee: The proverbial whole lotta points 

Florida @ old mist -14.5: pine box

Texas +6 @ Georgia: Arch Time

Miss of sippy state @ mizzou -7: Committed to being disappointed by Missouri, because Missouri loves company. 

From my phone. No.

Now with 100% more RECORDS

SNAP Benefits: 3-2 (45-44)

CRAP Benefits: 2-3 (53-36)

--------------------------------------------

South Carolina @ TAMMY -19.5

Arkansas @ LSU -5.5

Oklahoma @ Alabama -6

New Mexico st @ Tennessee -39.5

Florida @ old mist -14.5

Texas @ Georgia -6

Miss of sippy state @ mizzou -7

Optimistic and Excited for the Rest of this Season!!

Oh ok.

Georgia -8.5

Mizzou +6.5

Auburn +6.5 Haha

Florida -3.5

Alabama -9.5

Already sending my regrets to this season

We are approaching not enough games for my comeback. 

Georgia -8.5 at Mississippi St.: No thanks

TAMU @ Missoura +6.5: Not interested

Auburn at Vanderbilt -6.5: Declined with appreciation

Florida -3.5 at Kentucky: I'd rather not

LSU at Alabama -9.5: Maybe another time

People are calling it the greatest week in football history

Silly for Dilly: 4-2 (51-33)

Twerkin' for Durkin: 3-3 (42-42)

:)    :)    :)    :)    :)    :)    :)    :)    :)    :)    :)    :)

Georgia -8.5 at Mississippi St.

TAMU -6.5 @ Missoura

Auburn at Vanderbilt -6.5

Florida -3.5 at Kentucky

LSU at Alabama -9.5

Normal Picks. Quotidian? I might go that far.

Screaming this at my computer. 

Texas -1.5

Florida +7.5

Arkansas -4.5

Old Mist -12.5

Auburn -10.5

Oklahoma +3.5

THE SCARIEST OF PICKS

Vanderbilt at Texas (-1.5): the death or serious illness of a loved one

Georgia (-7.5) vs. Florida: public speaking

Mississippi State (+4.5) at Arkansas: nuclear or biological warfare

South Carolina (+12.5) at Old Mist: rejection by someone important to you

Kentucky (+10.5) at Auburn: ghouls and goblins

Oklahoma at Tennessee (-3.5): heights

Week Ten Presented by the Spooky Season

Trick or treating with the kids: 5-2 (47-31)

Thinks he's seeing some cryptids: 4-3 (39-39)

____________________________

Vanderbilt at Texas (-1.5)

Georgia (-7.5) vs. Florida

Mississippi State at Arkansas (-4.5)

South Carolina at Old Mist (-12.5)

Kentucky at Auburn (-10.5)

Oklahoma at Tennessee (-3.5)

GET THEE TO A (week) NINERY

I was going to do these as Shakespeare plays, but after thinking about it for three seconds, no I'm not going to do that.

Old Mist +4.5 @ Oklahoma 

Auburn +1.5 @ Arkansas  haha could have been Hamlet (because of former Auburn quarterback Barrett Trotter (word for pig feet)).

Alabama -12.5 @ South Carolina

Mizzou @ Vanderbilt -2.5

Texas -6.5 @ Mississippi St.

TAMU @ LSU +2.5

Tennessee -9.5 @ Kentucky

I will not live in a pod. I will not eat the bugs. I will not miss the picks.

Old Mist +4.5 @ Oklahoma: Sooners are naturally Freemen on the Land

Auburn @ Arkansas -1.5: Auburn will lose this game.

Alabama -12.5 @ South Carolina: The red uniforms signify the red ink by which we renounce the bond that the United States Corporation has made through our birth certificates

Mizzou @ Vanderbilt -2.5: the gold fringe on the uniforms is because Admiralty Law is in effect

Texas @ Mississippi St. +6.5: if you sign your fishing license, you've signed over your rights

TAMU -2.5 @ LSU: my Moorish Nobility license plate is en route

Tennessee -9.5 @ Kentucky: the United States Postal Service is the real government

Week Nine, Feelin' Fine!

Pizza Man: 3-5 (35-36)

Sopping Wet Toilet Sandwich Boy: 4-4 (42-29)

_______________________________________________________________

Old Mist @ Oklahoma -4.5

Auburn @ Arkansas -1.5

Alabama -12.5 @ South Carolina

Mizzou @ Vanderbilt -2.5

Texas -6.5 @ Mississippi St.

TAMU -2.5 @ LSU

Tennessee -9.5 @ Kentucky

They Shut Down the Government so the Boys on Capitol Hill Could Watch Some SEC Football

Give the boys what they want!

LSU +2.5  

Oklahoma -5.5

Old Mist +7.5  

Arkansas +7.5

Florida -8.5

Texas -12.5

Alabama -9.5

Mizzou -1.5

SEC Picks as Cormac McCarthy novels

LSU (+2.5) at Vanderbilt: The Orchard Keeper - the first one, I probably won't remember what happened; it's not always clear why people did what they did; this one might be mostly about mental illness; set in Tennessee

Oklahoma (-5.5) at South Carolina: No Country for Old Men - a haunted man dreams of his father's generation, while terrible things happen around him

Old Mist (+7.5) at Georgia: Blood Meridian - includes the doings of an unspeakably evil character

TAMU (-7.5) at Arkansas: All the Pretty Horses - a beautiful and tragic story set in the Southwest; might just be the best one

Missississississippi State (+8.5) at Florida: Cities of the Plain - the depressing but inevitable conclusion of the story of characters we know

Texas (-12.5) at Kentucky: Child of God - too awful for me to watch

Tennessee (+9.5) at Alabama: The Road - somebody from Tennessee will die; the world might be ending

Missouri (-1.5) at Auburn: The Crossing - somehow the saddest; ends with people crying; despite the more grounded, human-scale nature of the misery, that very smallness--a lack of an overwhelming bleakness or extraordinary foe--makes it a worse thing to live through

3E Wishes Charlie Kirk A Happy Birthday

Admittedly I haven't really kept up with what he's been up to in the last few months, but I hope he's enjoying this exciting slate of football action. I know he is a big football fan. 

:o :o :o :o :o :o :o :o :o :o :o :o

Elevating the discourse: 3-4 (38-25)

Of course he takes the elevator: 4-3 (32-31)

:o :o :o :o :o :o :o :o :o :o :o :o

LSU at Vanderbilt (-2.5)

Oklahoma (-5.5) at South Carolina

Old Mist at Georgia (-7.5)

TAMU (-7.5) at Arkansas

Missississississippi State at Florida (-8.5)

Texas (-12.5) at Kentucky

Tennessee at Alabama (-9.5)

Missouri (-1.5) at Auburn

Seven Weeks... Seven Games... Seven Sins!

A thing I think about occasionally: The show Seventh Heaven featured a family (the Camdens) consisting of seven members (parents and five kids). Eventually, they decided to expand the family. To maintain the synergy (seven-gy), they had twins so it was seven kids. It's good to have an order to things.

I was going to thematically assign one sin to each game, but instead I'm just assigning every sin to Hugh Freeze.

_____________________________________________________________________

Alabama -2.5  A good sin to put here would have been Lust. Because of sex.

Old Mist -32.5  Well this could have been Lust too.

Texas -2.5  Gluttony because of the State Fair where they fry everything. Also Lust. But that doesn't matter because Hugh Freeze got all seven.

Tennessee -12.5  Maybe Arkansas will do a UCLA type thing but on the other hand, no they're not going to do that. Not sure what the sin would have been here. Maybe Lust.

Florida +7.5   Lust!

Georgia -3.5   You guessed it. Lust.

South Carolina +8.5   LSU doesn't seem that good? They can't score, beating Clemson in week 1 doesn't seem that impressive because Clemson needed to play UNC to figure out how to score points, and LSU needed Florida to throw an interception on every drive. Also, "You can't spell Lust without LSU!" Also also, "You can't spell South Carolina without Lust!" This game is hooorney.

[to the tune of Glenn Frey's "The Heat Is On"] It's Spooky Time

Alabama -2.5 @ Mizzou: This is an odd line, to me, an idiot. Is Missouri really good? 

Wazzou @ Old Mist -32.5: I mean sure

Oklahoma +2.5 @ Texas: seems possible

Arkansas @ Tennessee -12.5: It will be extremely funny if Arkansas comes out and scores like 45 points. Bobby Petrino had a great gameplan that he kept hidden, waiting for this moment! The reality I think is that Petrino is past his best-by date. 

Florida @ TAMU -7.5: I think "Texas has some problems" makes more sense than "Florida has turned it around" but am prepared to be wrong.

Georgia -3.5 @ Auburn: This is the last game for Freeze, in a vibes sense. Either he has still got something and, knowing that he may be playing for his job, can put a game plan with some tricks and schemes together and win this, or he's washed. 

South Carolina @ LSU -8.5: South Carolina turned out to be way worse than I thought.  

Week Seven: Spookey!

Ghouls, goblins, etc.: 3-2 (28-28)

Normal stuff. Not spookey.: 4-1 (35-21)

______________________________________________________________

Alabama -2.5 @ Mizzou

Wazzou @ Old Mist -32.5

Oklahoma @ Texas -2.5

Arkansas @ Tennessee -12.5

Florida @ TAMU -7.5

Georgia -3.5 @ Auburn

South Carolina @ LSU -8.5

Week Six Flying By The Season Is (Yoda)

*Yoda doing a Jar Jar Binks impersonation* Makah some picks meesah will

Georgia -20.5  They're mad! grr.

Alabama -10.5   They're happy! grr.

Florida +6.5  I saw some longhorns yesterday. Big ol boys. That is unrelated to my pick as I am aware that the game will be played by football players and not cows.

Kent St. +45.5   Oklahoma almost lost to Auburn.

Mississippi St. +14.5  TAMU almost lost to Auburn.

flying week really wow season's six by

Kentucky at Georgia -20.5: Georgia needs to look good after their loss. Kentucky is bad. 

Vanderbilt at Alabama -10.5: Revenge tour 

Texas -6.5 at Florida: This doesn't feel normal, these teams playing, and I don't like it. 

Kent State +45.5 at Oklahoma: yuck

Mississippi State +14.5 at TAMU: This is where I would cut all my The Nice Bookie covidbux. Mississippi State might straight up beat TAMU, which barely beat an Auburn team with practically negative offensive yards. 

Do you think we will make friendship bracelets in The Camps

Auburn head basketball coach Bruce Pearl: 4-4 (31-20)

Alabama Senator Bruce Pearl: 3-5 (25-26)

:o  :o  :o  :o  :o  :o  :o  :o  :o  :o  :o  :o  

Looks like it's off week for many of us. 

Kentucky at Georgia -20.5

Vanderbilt at Alabama -10.5

Texas -6.5 at Florida

Kent State at Oklahoma -45.5

Mississippi state at TAMU -14.5

remember when Mike Gundy wore an OAN shirt to go fishing

Notre Dame -4.5 @ Arkansas: This is apparently a trendy upset pick, and a lot of the computers like Arkansas, and I just don't see it. 

Utah St. @ Vanderbilt -22.5: obviously I'm invested in a game involving one of Auburn's three biggest rivals

LSU @ Old Mist -1.5: feels like this is wrong

Auburn +6.5 @ TAMU: Auburn will definitely lose, but they'll lose closer than 6.5 points.

Tennessee -7.5 @ Mississippi St.: seems low, even in notoriously hostile Starkville, MS

Alabama @ Georgia -2.5: Alabama State and Georgia State should also be playing today

UMass @ Mizzou -43.5: why not

Kentucky +6.5 @ South Carolina: Vanderbilt being an above-average quality team is really throwing off my already-shaky grasp of which former SEC East teams have already played

Thatsa Lotta Points? Yous-ah Need-ah Think-ah Twice-ah!

Got curious!

Favorites by 40 or more points ATS:

2016: 1-1

2017: 0-1

2018: 0-3

2019: 0-2

2020: n/a

2021: 2-0

2022: 4-1

2023: 1-1-1

2024: 5-1

2025: 1-2

All-Time: 14-12-1

    Pre-Covid: 1-7

    Post-Covid:  13-5-1

Alabama: 7-3 

UGA: 0-4-1 

Texas: 2-1

Tennessee: 3-0

LSU: 0-2

Auburn: 0-1

TAMU: 0-1

Oklahoma: 1-0

Old Mist: 1-0

Georgia's record fits with my conjecture that 95% of their games their games are:

    a) blowing the doors off a good team

    b) farting around and beating a bad team by two touchdowns

    c) losing to Alabama

Kent St. (1-2) and New Mexico St. (2-1) have both been one of the 40+ point underdogs three times. UMass (2-0) is making its third such appearance this week! Time to ignore all of this and make some picks!

__________________________________________________________________

Notre Dame -4.5

Vanderbilt -22.5

LSU +1.5

TAMU -6.5

Tennessee -7.5

Alabama +2.5

Umass +43.5 Thatsa Lotta Points! 

South Carolina -6.5

Week Five wow season's continuing to fly by huh

The Tylenol Bandit: 6-3 (22-21)

Captain Autism: 4-5 (27-16)

_____________________________________________________

Notre Dame -4.5 @ Arkansas

Utah St. @ Vanderbilt -22.5

LSU @ Old Mist -1.5

Auburn @ TAMU -6.5

Tennessee -7.5 @ Mississippi St.

Alabama @ Georgia -2.5

UMass @ Mizzou -43.5

Kentucky @ South Carolina -6.5

The season really is flying by, you're right. Auburn will be losing the Iron Bowl before we know it.

Picks lookin like a damn seafood buffet: whole lotta favorites, baby.

Arkansas -6.5   Shrimp, baby.

Tennessee -39.5   Oysters, sis.

Oklahoma -6.5   Scallops, chief.

Tulane +12.5   Olives. Who put olives on the damn seafood buffet. 

Mississippi St. -21.5   Salmon, kimosabe.

Mizzou -13.5   Crab claws, homie.

Miami (FL) -7.5   Calamari, big guy.

Vanderbilt -26.5   Crawfish, captain.

Sam Houston +41.5   Carrot salad. Seriously, who is responsible for this.

In honor of Star Trek, I now will be seven of nine

Arkansas at Memphis +6.5: I still don't believe in Arkansas. As a concept, I mean. 

UAB at Tennessee -39.5: that's a lotta points, but UAB is bad

Auburn at Oklahoma -6.5: never

Tulane at Old Mist -12.5: This should be a conference game. Also, I guess I'm committed to Old Mist letting me down. 

Northern Illinois +21.5 at Mississippi State: Turner the Burner baby

South Carolina + 13.5 at Missouri: looks like Sellers will play

Flo Rida at Miami -7.5: I'm not doing the thing about lines looking wrong because I've been so stupid so far, but this line looks very low. 

Georgia State at Vanderbilt -26.5: [railroad union organizer getting roughed up by the Pinkertons voice] Fine, fine, I think Vanderbilt is good.

Sam Houston +41.5 at Texas: the beauty of sport

week four wow the season's really flying by huh

A pretty good record back when they played 11 games: 8-3 (23-11)

A bad record back when they played 11 games: 5-6 (16-18)

Not going well for some of us, but for others, things are going ... rather well. 

$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$

Arkansas -6.5 at Memphis

UAB at Tennessee -39.5

Auburn at Oklahoma -6.5

Tulane at Old Mist -12.5

Northern Illinois at Mississippi State -21.5

South Carolina at Missouri -13.5

Flo Rida at Miami -7.5

Georgia State at Vanderbilt -26.5

Sam Houston at Texas -41.5

For commemoration reasons, I intend to get nine out of these eleven picks correct

Changing my Halo handle to "1Shot2DaNeck"

Oklahoma -24.5 @ Temple: weird

Wisconsin +20.5 @ Alabama: I may be drinking too deeply of the bottle labeled Hope

South Alabama +24.5 @ Auburn: Unpatriotic to beat a team called USA

Georgia @ Tennessee +3.5: [steely resolve melting]: oh what the heck, maybe things will get better instead of steady decline into violence and disorder

UL Lafayette +27.7 @ Mizzou: This is definitely a game I was already aware was happening.

UTEP +41.5 @ Texas: That's a lot of points, even against UTEP 

Arkansas @ Old Mist -9.5: The Pitt Man Cometh 

Florida +9.5 @ LSU: Florida turning around and beating LSU would be a hoot

TAMU @ Notre Dame -6.5: SEC expansion has really gone too far

EMU @ Kentucky -24.5: I'd love to be the kind of rich pervert who could throw $10,000 down on this game and not even care 

Vanderbilt @ South Carolina -5.5: let's settle down on the Vanderbilt stuff 

Never Three-get

Norm MacDonald voice: 9/11

So, I first drafted this on Tuesday. Reasonably, my expectation was that no internet-famous bigots were going to get shot in the neck before it posted on 9/11. In that spirit, here are some other things that are going to be wrong!

Temple +24.5   The opposite of a quotidian matchup, imo.

Alabama -20.5   *Simpsons theme song voice* Ty Siiimpsooon

South Alabama +24.5   Can't think of anything.

Georgia +3.5   Moving along.

Mizzou -27.5   That guy was an amputee. Wild.

UTEP +41.5   *Primus voice* too many po-eeeeeeents

Arkansas +9.5    Arkansas can only get 7.5 points now. I never say no to a bargain.

LSU -9.5   Florida can only get 7.5 points now. I hate bargains!

Notre Dame -6.5   1991 Cotton Bowl ass matchup. (Looked this up now. TAMU and ND played in the Cotton Bowl after the 1987, 1992, and 1993 seasons.)

Kentucky -24.5   Krogerfield (like Cloverfield). Someone should do a photoshop of that. 

Vanderbilt +5.5   Spurrier won 11 games 3 straight years in 2011-13 without going to the SEC championship game. That's wild.

Week 3(E)

America's Sweetheart: 6-6 (11-12)

America's Sweetheart (anti-vax): 9-3 (15-8)

--------------------------------------------

You know what to do next (flip a coin is what I do).

Oklahoma -24.5 @ Temple

Wisconsin @ Alabama -20.5

South Alabama @ Auburn -24.5

Georgia -3.5 @ Tennessee

UL Lafayette @ Mizzou -27.5

UTEP @ Texas -41.5

Arkansas @ Old Mist -9.5

Florida @ LSU -9.5

TAMU @ Notre Dame -6.5

EMU @ Kentucky -24.5

Vanderbilt @ South Carolina -5.5

The boat they blew up was actually Knight Boat from Simpsons

Every week there's a canal. Or an inlet. Or a fjord.

San Jose St. + 36.5   I want to change this but I can't. I already typed it in to the computer.

TAMU - 29.5   Mike Elko looks like the kid from Christmas Story all grown up.

Kentucky +10.5   Two words: Kroger. Field.

Mizzou -6.5  Mizzou is my sleeper SEC Championship Game pick.

South Florida +17.5   Not dealing with Florida's shit right now.

Arkansas -23.5   Arkansas is my sleeper SEC Championship Game pick.

La Tech +37.5   In my mind, LSU always putters around in this kind of game. Remember when Brian Kelly did that fake southern accent at his introduction.

Arizona St. - 6.5   Mississippi St. seems bad.

Oklahoma -5.5   Oklahoma is my sleeper SEC Championship Game pick.

Ball St. +43.5   With respect to the context of this week, please do not underestimate my seriousness when I say "Thatsa Lotta Points!"

Virginia Tech -1.5 Eeexit liiiight

Alabama -36.5   It's Clobberin' Time.

I wonder what the Belgians think of the SEC's crummy Week 2 schedule

San José State (+36.5) @ Texas: that's a lotta points

Utah State @ Texas A&M (-29.5): not too many points

Old Mist (-10.5) @ Kentucky: We haven't had much of a season yet, but this line seems insanely low, like a touchdown low. If we were doing The Nice Bookie, this is where I would likely lose a big chunk of my bankroll.

Kansas (+6.5) @ Missouri: Boarder War

South Florida @ Florida (-17.5): not too many points

Arkansas State @ Arkansas (-23.5): not too many points

Louisiana Tech (+37.5) @ LSU: that's a lotta points

Arizona State (-6.5) @ Mississippi State: Not as insanely low as Old Mist-Kentucky, but this still seems low.

Michigan @ Oklahoma (-5.5): "Helmet game" means I'll probably watch this stinker between two mediocre teams.

Ball State (+43.5) @ Auburn: that's a lotta points

Vanderbilt (+1.5) @ Virginia Tech: The Hokies did not impress last week. I don't dignify playoff talk because the CFB playoffs really shouldn't exist, but the talk about Vandy as a sneaky playoff contender seems premature.

UL Monroe (+36.5) @ Alabama: lmao or should I say LA-MO.

"[After Alabama last started 0-1, there] were four coordinated Islamist terrorist suicide attacks by al-Qaeda against the United States in 2001."

A winning record: 6-5

A worse, losing record: 5-6

----

This post is brought to you by our advertisers at Google AI. Thanks, Google!

San José State @ Texas (-36.5)

Utah State @ Texas A&M (-29.5)

Ole Miss (-10.5) @ Kentucky

Kansas @ Missouri (-6.5)

South Florida @ Florida (-17.5)

Arkansas State @ Arkansas (-23.5)

Louisiana Tech @ LSU (-37.5)

Arizona State (-6.5) @ Mississippi State

Michigan @ Oklahoma (-5.5)

Ball State @ Auburn (-43.5)

Vanderbilt @ Virginia Tech (-1.5)

UL Monroe @ Alabama (-36.5)

More like Lamer Day weekend

I've been informed that it's football season. 

Auburn @ Bay, Lord of the Bears +2.5: Auburn is considerably more talented, especially along the lines, but they also have an inconsistent, pervert coach who might be dying from a lifetime of alcohol abuse and general degeneracy. Losing this game feels very in character. 

Texas @ Ohio St. -1.5: Ohio State losing to Michigan and, say, Minnesota, but winning the national title again, is about as hopeful a possibility as I can realistically envision. 

Syracuse vs Tennessee -13.5: orange joke

Mississippi St. -12 @ Southern Miss: Glad they're playing. 

Toledo +7.5 @ Kentucky: Kentucky might be Extremely Bad this year. 

Marshall +39.5 @ Georgia: nah

Alabama -13.5 @ Florida St.: there's a lot of emotional weight on this game, which will be a laugher and make me sad

UTSA @ TAMU -22.5: People underestimate how big Texas is as a state. Did you know: it is further from Texas A&M to San Antonio than it is from Texas A&M to Edmonton, Canada.

LSU @ Clemson -4: If I didn't already know and you just asked me where Dabo is from, I bet I'd say Pelham. 

Georgia St. +38 @ Old Mist: seems like a lot of points

Virginia Tech vs South Carolina -8: Game of the week for me. I'm curious if people know that Shane Beamer's dad, Frank Beamer, was a professor of environmental science at Virginia Tech. House divided!!

One Big, Beautiful Week

I was out all day yesterday, so I'm doing these fast. Like Sonic the Hedgehog. So, I'm just going to name a Sonic character for each game. And because we're talking about games, I'm only doing characters from the games that I'm aware of. I'm sorry, I have a training all day today. I'm sorry. 

Auburn -2.5   Sonic

Ohio St. -1.5    Tails

Syracuse +13.5     Knuckles

Mississippi St. -12     Dr. Robotnik

Kentucky -7.5     There's some kind of Metal Sonic

Marshall +39.5     There's a girl Sonic

Alabama -13.5    Can't think of another one

UTSA +22.5     Still no

Clemson -4     no

Georgia St. +38    so many games

Virginia Tech +8    whew

Sportsball??? Again???

A lot of this shouldn't be legal.

Auburn -2.5 @ Bay, Lord of the Bears

Texas @ Ohio St. -1.5

Syracuse vs Tennessee -13.5

Mississippi St. -12 @ Southern Miss

Toledo @ Kentucky -7.5

Marshall @ Georgia -39.5

Alabama -13.5 @ Florida St.

UTSA @ TAMU -22.5

LSU @ Clemson -4

Georgia St. @ Old Mist -38

Virginia Tech vs South Carolina -8

Data and privacy

 First up, a trip to the grocery store. You hop in your car, blissfully unaware that doing so results in numerification—the assignment of numbers to complex human acts. There’s an entire industry, projected to be worth half a trillion dollars by 2030, dedicated to collecting and selling the trails of data your car emits when it hits the road. Everything is tracked. Your location and speed. Your acceleration and braking patterns. The music you listen to along the way. Who you call from your car and for how long you speak. Many cars today produce around twenty-five gigabytes of data per hour. That’s roughly the size of all English-language Wikipedia articles—every hour.

Ruled by Numbers

Questions of science Science and progress

As I was walkin' down Rub-a-Dub Square / Not a chill to the wind, but a nip to the air

Rub-a-Dub Square is what I call masturbating.

Glock tucked, big t-shirt, Billie Eilish

WOOP WOOP That's the sound of da beast

The trailer for The Naked Gun reboot looks good; we'll see.

I need dogs

more links

1. But most of the time you’re on a chaste breakfast date with your beautiful submissive girlfriend,

2. Thor Meets Captain America

3. Trizzle

4. Did the United States Almost Support Germany in WWII? No. 

Beastie Boys & Dave Chappelle, "The New Style" Live

Compliance

This is a pattern: no one wants to take a risk. Not elected officials. Not 19-year-olds picking college majors. Because in this economy, everything is compliance now. As the Italian philosopher Umberto Eco warned in his essay "Ur-Fascism," social systems don't collapse overnight. They erode through small surrenders, through the gradual normalization of compliance as a civic virtue.

There is compliance with markets, with political power, with the unspoken rule that you must always be optimizing: for income, access, or institutional favor. Majors aren’t educational pathways anymore. They’re compliance signals. Just like a tariff exemption. Or a congressional vote. 

Compliance Is the New American Dream 

Ballerina, you must've seen her Dancing in the sand

Bust a left, a right, I'm outta sight, I'm throwed

I aspire to be either a "lil troy" or a "fat pat".

been a while since we did links

1. Idiots of Imgur

2. "But the fact that no trans woman has ever dominated in any women’s sports league or category shows that we are not “taking over” or “destroying” women’s sports."

3. Best existing comic artist

4. Find Population on Map and 

5. Population around a point

6. Exploring the Historiography of Mad Max: Fury Road

Off on a natural charge, bon voyage, Yeah, from the home of the Dodger Brooklyn squad

Some will fall in love with life And drink it from a fountain

And no message could've been any clearer

With a Bocephus Sticker on His Four Four Two

(SPIRITED UPBEAT MUSIC)



dog will hunt

He's going ... for ... speeeed

I should become a bucket hat guy.

Sweet Chin Music, and I won't pass the aux

For all the tostitos

Tha Capn: Buckeyes -8.5

Charlie: Notre Dame +8.5

Worth however many points it takes to Decide a Winner. 

Ceci n'est pas some picks

Penn St. +2  My hard-hitting analysis is that I read on the internet that Notre Dame doesn't quite have the depth of the other semifinalists. On a short turnaround, that could matter? Also, I'm somehow rooting for them so I think they'll lose.

Ohio St. -6  They seem good now.

I don't like that this is about the best realistic semifinal

Nortre Dame -2 v Penn St.: nortre

Ohio St. -6 v Texas: Ohio State is good

Colorful

For some reason I'm on the left, you're on the right. Green means win, maroon means loss. Way to nail those single digits, sis.

That Thing Got a Semi?

Worth 3 points!

Nortre Dame -2 v Penn St.

Ohio St. -6 v Texas

All Over But the Shouting (playoffs)

Once again, conclusive proof that we are the two smartest people in the world. You had the worst confidence point performance of all time. Great.

It's green this time

ADMIRAL ACKBAR VOICE ITS A SPLIT