It's real week one week one week one week one week one

I'm very excited to start the season and lose to Tha Cap'n again.

Texas St. (+33.5) big line

Toledo (+11.5) Actual football analysis for this one: Kentucky working out the kinks with a new-look offense to start the year. Guaranteed to be one of the games I miss.

Memphis (-5.5) Memphis might be my non-major team to keep up with this year. They just seem like a good pick.

Mississippi St. (-21) why not?

Duke (+34.5) dumb

South Carolina (-7.5) more like .... more like .... more like musCHUMP, am I right?

Tennessee (-26) Regretting this pick already. I do enjoy the idea of someone that's a huge Georgia State and Tennessee fan (growing up in Sandy Plains, Georgia, they went to GAST for undergrad and Tennessee for graduate school at the Haslam College of Business) just absolutely frothing at the mouth for this one and losing a mortgage payment when a kicker misses a field goal because he's hung over and worried he got a venereal disease the night before.

Georgia (-20.5) dumb. Too many schools named Georgia this week.

LSU (-28) If they can't cover for a bird poop cocaine quarterback controversy, GASOU can't cover against LSU.

Auburn (-3.5) I YEEHAWIN' BELIEVE that Auburn will lose five games this year, but not Oregon

Missouri (-17.5) Missouri cleaning up the crucial Wyoming recruiting grounds.

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A NICE BOOKIE ALERT

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Bankroll: $NINE NINE NINE

$55 to win $50 on Alabama-Duke going over 56.5 points seems probable to me. Alabama just lost their best defensive player, and that line seems kind of low anyway. 

$300 to win $2 for Alabama to beat Duke. That seems like a good bet.

$9 to win $100 on Vanderbilt to beat Georgia seems, contrariwise, like a worthwhile risk.