when its gotta be rivalries, its gotta be week fourteen picks baby

Humbly hoping to win three games this week as well!

Old Mist +2.5  The EggBowl®️ is traditionally a torpedoing of whichever team has the slightly less modest aspirations.

Mizzou -11.5  I don't think anybody involved wants to play this game.

Georgia -28  This is what college football is all about.

Kentucky -3  This is just more of what college football is all about.

Clemson -26.5  If you want to know what college football is all about, look no further!

Alabama -4  The IronBowl®️ is traditionally a time of great weeping.

Tennessee -21.5  ABoO®️. Feels like this is the least I can do for Jeremy and the boys after they won $582.19 in delicious, fake moolah for me this season.

LSU -17  LSU seems focused? I don't know.

Florida -17  Dang ol' favorites really appealing to me apparently.

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$$$ NiceBookie®️ $$$

$1,953.55 in my stash. Time to splash the cash! And do the mooonster mash lol. An astute reader will notice that both win/lose scenarios result in the same bankroll ($1,768.53). This is because I consider Georgia Tech winning and Auburn winning to be equally likely events.

1. $297.38 on DawgsWoofWoof at -4961. Wins $5.99.
2. $191.01 on TideSplishSplosh at -170. Wins $112.36.

This will all be over soon.

quick picks

Traveling soon, so these are the least thought-through picks of the year. That means I should do better than usual!

Mississippi State (-2.5)
Missouri (-11.5) The worst team in the conference is the cure for what ails Missouri
Georgia (-28)
Kentucky (-3)
South Carolina (+26.5)
Auburn (+4) I INEXPLICABLY STILL BELIEVE
Tennessee (-21.5)
LSU (-17)
Florida (-17)

$$$$$$$$$

$1610

Give me $1,500 on Clemson at -5000 to win $30.
Give me $40 on Auburn at +145 to win $58.

Ribaldry Week

A Rival for Hercules Himself: 3-0 (44-41-3)
A Rival with Hurting Knees Who Smells: 1-2 (45-40-3)

Old Mist at Mississippi State (-2.5) (Thoisdee)
Missouri (-11.5) at Arkansas (Frydee)
Georgia (-28) at Georgia Tech
Louisville at Kentucky (-3)
Clemson (26.5) at South Carolina
Alabama (-4) at Auburn
Vanderbilt at Tennessee (-21.5)
TAMU at LSU (-17)
Florida State at Florida (-17)

$$$$$$$$$

Rich Man: $1953.55
Comfortable Man: $1610

We are so good at gambling.

We need picks. Lots of picks.

I know you're out there. I can feel you now. I know that you're afraid. You're afraid of picks. You're afraid of bowls. I don't know the future. I didn't come here to tell you how this is going to end. I came here to tell you how about The Nice Bookie. I'm going to schedule these picks, and then I'm going to show these people what you don't want them to see. I'm going to show them a world without you. A world without rules or controls, borders or boundaries. A world where anything is possible. Where we go from there is going to be a Bowl Pick Them.

Georgia (-13): The Matrix, a surprise hit thanks to its glorification of violence and for being what stupid people think smart movies sound like.

Arkansas (+43.5): The Matrix Reloaded, a confusing and even stupider follow-up that completely misses the already-overhyped charm of its predecessors while leaving too many questions still unanswered.

Mizzou (-4.5): The Matrix Revolutions, an unnecessary and disappointing conclusion.

$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$
MEANWHILE IN ZION
$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$

With $1510 to bet, I face a gruesome set of choices.

Gimme $475 on Georgia to beat TAMU, to win $100.

*screeching* WEEK THIRTEEN PICKS

WOOF WOOF DOG POUND BABY

TAMU +13

ARKANSAS +43.5

TENNESSEE +4.5

WHO LET THE DOGS OUT ETC

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$$$

$1,750.00 is more money than i'll ever have in my whole life. That's why i'm so careful/cautious.

1. $1,657.80 on LSWhom at -3928(?). Wins $42.20.
2. $92.20 on Tennessee (ABoO (Always Bet on Orange)) at +175. Wins $161.35.

Week Thirteen: Slim Pickins

Last Week:

• The Aesthetic Choice: 4-1-1 (44-38-3)
• The Functional Consequence: 4-1-1 (41-41-3)

We've never had fewer than 5 games to pick in any non-week-zero week. So make em count, big guy.

TAMU @ Georgia (-13)

Arkansas @ LSU (-43.5)

Tennessee @ Mizzou (-4.5)

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$$$ Bookie McNice $$$

• Honor, Courage, Integrity: $1,510.00
• The Opposites of the Three Qualities Above: $1,750.00

I stroke it to the east

Let me ask you something
How long has it been since you made love, huh?
Did you make love yesterday?
Did you make love last week?
Did you make love last year?
Or maybe it might be that you plannin' on makin' love tonight?

I should have done a Stranger Things joke last week since I've seen it now

Alabama (-21) I thought both Morehood and Morris were great hires. I'm a dodo!
Florida (-7) Never forgive Missouri for joining this conference.
Auburn (+3) I BELIEVE, STILL
Kentucky (-8.5) that's a game alright
LSU (-21) Lots of road favorites today.
Texas A&M (-10) Here's a home favorite!

I'm sure it's fine that the only underdog I picked was Auburn. Sure, great.

$$$$$$$$$

Got me $1470. Going to spread the luv here.

I'm betting $200 on Alabama to beat Mississippi State, to win $20.
I'm betting $100 on Auburn to beat Georgia, to win $120.
I'm betting $40 on Kentucky to beat Vanderbilt, to win $10.
I'm betting $150 on LSU to beat Ole Miss, to win $10.
I'm betting $110 on TAMU to cover 10 points against South Carolina, to win $100.

this is a placeholder title so my picks don't show up! NOT CHANGING IT (WEEK 12 PICKS)

Last week my betting was "T3H SUXORS." This week I'm aiming for worse.

Mississippi St. +21   The line is like 17 now, so I've got to do this, right? Even though Mississippi State is "T3H SUXORS."

Florida -7   Florida does really well in cold weather I bet.

Georgia -3   Easy money.

Kentucky -8.5   The line is like 10.5 now, so I've got to do this, right? Even though both of these teams are "T3H SUXORS" and I have no idea how to bet on things.

Old Mist +21   No. 

TAMU -10   I don't remember anything TAMU has done since the Auburn game. Or the Alabama game. I don't even remember which one was first. What are birds?

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$$$ NOS Bookie $$$

They're having a fire sale on Alabama and baby I am here for it. Going to sling my entire wad ($1,615.78) this week.

1. $1,590.91 on Alabama to get 'r done Tua or no at -1000. Wins $159.09.
2. $24.87 on South Carolina (nobody circles the wagons like Muschamp) to get 'r done at +400. Wins $99.48.

Week 12

Art: 1-6 (37-40-2)
Carbuncle: 5-2 (40-37-2)

games, games, games

Alabama (-21) st Mississippi State
Florida (-7) at Missouri
Georgia (-3) at Auburn
Kentucky (-8.5) at Vanderbilt
LSU (-21) at Old Mist
South Carolina at Texas A&M (-10)

$$$$$$$$$

a tricky ploy: $1615.78
a sticky boy: $1470

one by one I'll knock you out

but the rainbow has a beard!

if we don't get prepared people there's gone be a slaughter

Is there a better band name that 69 Boyz?

dooooooooooo yoooooooouuuuuu feel like I do

There is something in the air, something is wrong

Weak Wet Elven

Florida (-26) Less that I am confident about Florida than that I am not confident about Wandy.
Western Kentucky (+2.5) lmao
Alabama (-6) I'm ready to be hurt
Old Mist (-28.5) seems like a big line, but New Mexico State is so bad. There are several teams that I think should drop down a level and become more competitive, and New Mexico State is right at the top of that list. 
Mizzou (+17) toughest pick of the week
Appalachian St. (+5) I love underdogs!
Tennessee (-1) sure

$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$
$$$BOOKIE, DANNO$$$
$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$

Playing with $1315, not seeing a lot of value this week.

Betting $55 to win $50 on New Mexico St vs Ole Miss going under 64 points.
Betting $400 to win $10 that Florida will beat Vanderbilt.
Betting $50 to win $95 that Appalachian State beats South Carolina.

Week Eleven: Wherein Things Get Wet N Wild

Surf's up, fellas! Let's talk deli meats!!!

Vanderbilt +26  Turkey - Ooooh baby, gimme that sweet gobbler!

Arkansas -2.5   Roast Beef - Mamma Mia, gimma that spicy roast-a beef-a!

Alabama -6   Ham - Oi, Vey! Gimma that on a bagel widda smyeeaah!

NM St. +28.5   Chicken - Ack, I gotta have my bird!

Mizzou +17   Salami - Ah sooo! Me rikey! *gong crash*

South Carolina -5   That's all the deli meats.

Tennessee -1   Always bet on orange.

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$$$ The EXTREMELY Nice Bookie, like way too nice $$$

This maneuver is known as "The Stevedore's Gambit." It is also known as "Cheating."

1. At one sportsbook, give me $1,102.83 on The Tahd straight up at -215. This pays $512.94.
2. At another book, give me $497.16 on LSWho straight up at +225. This pays $1,118.61.

If Alabama wins, I have $1,615.78 and if LSU wins, I have $1,615.78. If neither wins I have 1 cent, which is fine because the bombs must have fallen. If they both win, I don't want to play anymore. I apologize for doing this, although it's no worse than the things both of these teams do every single play.

As my Grandmama Edna Mae Kearse, she showed me How to be the smooth operator, dominator In the state of Georgia, hip hop standard destroyer

Week Buhleven

Taking a break from decorating for Veteran's Day in order to make this post.

• Charles the Bold: 3-3 (35-35-2)
• Captain Doofus: 2-4 (36-34-2)

Moving on...

• Vanderbilt @ Florida (-26)
• Western Kentucky @ Arkansas (-2.5) teehee
• LSU @ Alabama (-6)
• New Mexico St. @ Old Mist (-28.5)
• Mizzou @ Georgia (-17)
• Appalachian St. @ South Carolina (-5)
• Tennessee (-1) @ Kentucky

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$$$ ok bookie (like ok boomer (topical)) $$$

• Ice Cold Killa: $1,315.00
• Warm, Fuzzy Doofus: $1,600.00

You can go back to being groupie in your Dapper Dan Gucci