Congratulations to the double victory, much deserved for Our Noble Capn. Here's how the whole world feels about that victory and especially about the outcomes of this SEC season:
Thursday, November 29, 2018
Tuesday, November 27, 2018
I did it, I won
It's too terrible to even consider picking the one remaining SEC Game. Yes, just the thought of Akron playing South Carolina fills me with dread and disgust.
The Lovable Loser: 5-4 (48-48)
The Loathsome Winner: 6-3 (52-44)
The Humble Pauper: $299.70
The Haughty Prince: $1,326.95
See you in the funny papers!
The Lovable Loser: 5-4 (48-48)
The Loathsome Winner: 6-3 (52-44)
The Humble Pauper: $299.70
The Haughty Prince: $1,326.95
See you in the funny papers!
Wednesday, November 21, 2018
out, out brief pick them!
I feel like I've certainly strutted and fretted my hour upon the stage.
Old Mist +10 I didn't watch or see the score of the Mississippi State game last week (not even sure who they played). How did it go?
Well I suppose I should give you a shot. Obviously, I hope my continued idiotic wagering behavior is finally punished.
1) Every last cent on the inevitable at -2750. I stand to win $46.56.
Old Mist +10 I didn't watch or see the score of the Mississippi State game last week (not even sure who they played). How did it go?
Arkansas +22.5 I didn't watch or see the score of the Arkansas game last week (not even sure who they played). How did it go?
Florida -5 Seems low to my galaxy brain.
Georgia -17 Charles, you KNOW I am sensitive to triple option teams doing well as big underdogs... BUT!
Alabama -24.5 barf barf barf I'm barfin man
Tennessee +3.5 Here I go again with my Tennessee bullshit.
South Carolina +26 A comfortable but not overwhelming win for DadBod.
Kentucky -17 Whether you think you can-tucky or you cant-tucky, you're right-tucky.
LSU +2.5 This line is... weird?
Well I suppose I should give you a shot. Obviously, I hope my continued idiotic wagering behavior is finally punished.
1) Every last cent on the inevitable at -2750. I stand to win $46.56.
Fantastic Picks and Where to Find Them: The Tris of Epsilon
Old Mist (+10) I'd have put the line at 8.
Arkansas (+22.5) Seems like a big line
Florida (-5) It's hard to get a handle on Florida this season.
Georgia (-17) Georgia Tech's defense isn't good
Auburn (+24.5) Seems like a 35-17 kind of game.
Vanderbilt (-3.5) ????
Clemson (-26) Clemson seems very good.
Kentucky (-17) Louisville seems very bad, and this might be a give up game.
LSU (+2.5) This is a dumb end of the year game, a forced rivalry that replaces much better ones. Missouri-TAMU and Arkansas-LSU make a better set of season finale games. Anyway, I don't even know if I think LSU will win, but it seems like they should.
$$$$$$$$
So, with my $649.70, there are two different approaches I could take. Is this a real betting situation, in which I'm trying to protect my actual money? In that case, I don't want to take giant risks. But, if this is a game, and I just want to get back over my initial starting funds, I need to bet something crazy so that I have a chance to get back at least over $1000, and ideally find a wacky bet to win this thing.
$350 on Auburn to cover +24.5 against Alabama.
$$$$$$$$
So, with my $649.70, there are two different approaches I could take. Is this a real betting situation, in which I'm trying to protect my actual money? In that case, I don't want to take giant risks. But, if this is a game, and I just want to get back over my initial starting funds, I need to bet something crazy so that I have a chance to get back at least over $1000, and ideally find a wacky bet to win this thing.
$350 on Auburn to cover +24.5 against Alabama.
Monday, November 19, 2018
Pick Em the Thirteenth
The reason for our thanksgivings 5-3 (46-41)
The reason for our misgivings 5-3 ( 43-44)
So close, coming into the final lap here. A tie is my only real hope or desire.
Arkansas at Missouri (-22.5)
Florida (-5) at Florida State
Georgia Tech at Georgia (-17)
Auburn at Alabama (-24.5)
Tennessee at Vanderbilt (-3.5)
South Carolina at Clemson (-26)
Kentucky (-17) at Louisville
LSU at Texas A&M (-2.5)
A "nice bookie":
Capz: $1280.39
Chaz: $649.70
less close!
Thursday, November 15, 2018
bad week--I know what I'm picking, so please stop explaining
This is a bad week of picks, very bad. Only one game looks decent. Humphrey Bogart voice: "We'll always have Nashville." Going with an underdog-heavy strategy; everybody is looking ahead.
Middle Tennessee (+16) Is this a big line?
Arkansas (+20) This seems like a big line to me.
Missouri (-6) I guess? Tennessee surprised many last week, but not me, because I wasn't paying attention. I tried to find some logic in the SEC East results so far, and now I've been committed to a facility for further psychological evaluation.
UMass (+43.5) Whoa boy, this line is big.
Auburn (-28.5) lmao losing this one with gusto
UAB (+16) I BUHLEEV that if UAB's quarterback isn't healthy, I will lose this pick
Rice (+43.5) Good heavens what a line.
Old Mist (+2.5) man, this is a tough pick. I guess I like the Rebs in a shoot out?
$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$
This is the toughest Nice Bookie pick of the year, I think, which means playing a little of the Old Captain.
Cash on hand: $646.37.
I will bet $233.10 on Auburn to win straight up, to win $3.33.
Middle Tennessee (+16) Is this a big line?
Arkansas (+20) This seems like a big line to me.
Missouri (-6) I guess? Tennessee surprised many last week, but not me, because I wasn't paying attention. I tried to find some logic in the SEC East results so far, and now I've been committed to a facility for further psychological evaluation.
UMass (+43.5) Whoa boy, this line is big.
Auburn (-28.5) lmao losing this one with gusto
UAB (+16) I BUHLEEV that if UAB's quarterback isn't healthy, I will lose this pick
Rice (+43.5) Good heavens what a line.
Old Mist (+2.5) man, this is a tough pick. I guess I like the Rebs in a shoot out?
$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$
This is the toughest Nice Bookie pick of the year, I think, which means playing a little of the Old Captain.
Cash on hand: $646.37.
I will bet $233.10 on Auburn to win straight up, to win $3.33.
*to the tune of don't speak* dont speak buh doo buh doo buh dooo dooooooo
This has real potential for some football results.
Kentucky -16 I heard they're going to use an oblate spheroid for this one.
Mississippi St. -20 None of the players will be allowed to carry swords.
Tennessee +6 The majority of the players will be hydrating in between plays.
UMass +43.5 Watch out for grass stains, boys.
Liberty +28.5 As a special treat, the jumbotron will be powered by electricity.
TAMU -16 Normal gravity conditions.
Rice +43.5 At the Chancellor's behest, the bands will wait until halftime to march around the playing field.
Vanderbilt -2.5 If you see players spitting on the field, that's ok. They're allowed to do that.
MMMMMM.. Money.
1) $318.08 on UGA straight up at -3928. I stand to win $8.10 but I'd trade that $8.10 away in a heartbeat to stop antifa from lighting any more forest fires!!
Kentucky -16 I heard they're going to use an oblate spheroid for this one.
Mississippi St. -20 None of the players will be allowed to carry swords.
Tennessee +6 The majority of the players will be hydrating in between plays.
UMass +43.5 Watch out for grass stains, boys.
Liberty +28.5 As a special treat, the jumbotron will be powered by electricity.
TAMU -16 Normal gravity conditions.
Rice +43.5 At the Chancellor's behest, the bands will wait until halftime to march around the playing field.
Vanderbilt -2.5 If you see players spitting on the field, that's ok. They're allowed to do that.
MMMMMM.. Money.
1) $318.08 on UGA straight up at -3928. I stand to win $8.10 but I'd trade that $8.10 away in a heartbeat to stop antifa from lighting any more forest fires!!
Wednesday, November 14, 2018
Tuesday, November 13, 2018
composing a rap about pick thems and caves in which "week twelve" will be rhymed with "deep delve"
Charles aka the good Darren from Bewitched: 2-5 (38-41)
Tha Cap aka the bad one: 3-4 (41-38)
Ack. Only two weeks left for me to bungle this.
This slate has a very "week two" personality.
Middle Tennessee @ Kentucky (-16)
Arkansas @ Mississippi State (-20)
Missouri (-6) @ Tennessee
UMass @ Georgia (-43.5)
Liberty @ Auburn (-28.5)
UAB @ Texas A+M (-16)
Rice @ LSU (-43.5)
Old Mist @ Vanderbilt (-2.5)
Alabama, Florida, and South Carolina are dippin into the 1AA pudding. I had forgotten Idaho had "taken the plunge." Fun Fact: Liberty and New Mexico State are playing twice this season which is everything you need to know about college football or sports in general, really.
The Very Famous Bookie: "Nice"
Charles: $646.37
Tha Cap: $1,272.29
I am giving you the business here.
Tha Cap aka the bad one: 3-4 (41-38)
Ack. Only two weeks left for me to bungle this.
This slate has a very "week two" personality.
Middle Tennessee @ Kentucky (-16)
Arkansas @ Mississippi State (-20)
Missouri (-6) @ Tennessee
UMass @ Georgia (-43.5)
Liberty @ Auburn (-28.5)
UAB @ Texas A+M (-16)
Rice @ LSU (-43.5)
Old Mist @ Vanderbilt (-2.5)
Alabama, Florida, and South Carolina are dippin into the 1AA pudding. I had forgotten Idaho had "taken the plunge." Fun Fact: Liberty and New Mexico State are playing twice this season which is everything you need to know about college football or sports in general, really.
The Very Famous Bookie: "Nice"
Charles: $646.37
Tha Cap: $1,272.29
I am giving you the business here.
Thursday, November 08, 2018
*to the tune of don't speak* eleventh week... i know just what i'm pickin
Fact (I'm not here to tell you whether it's fun or not): This is the first week since week eleven in 2016 to feature 7 conference games.
Fun Fact (Believe me, this one is fun): It was the same 7 match-em-ups, ranked below by how much the lines have changed in two years:
7. TAMU - Old Mist: TAMU -10.5 to TAMU -11.5 (1 point)
6. South Carolina - Florida: UF -11.5 to UF -6.5 (5 points)
5. MSU - Alabama: Alabama -30* to Alabama -24.5 (5.5 points)
4. LSU - Arkansas: LSU -7 to LSU -13 (6 points)
3. Vandy - Mizzou: Mizzou -3.5 to Mizzou -17 (13.5 points)
2. Kentucky - Tennessee: Tennessee -13.5 to Kentucky -4 (17.5 points)
1. Auburn - UGA: Auburn -11 ahahahahahhahah to UGA -14.5 (25.5 points)
You went 6-1. I went 2-5. I am confident I can do worse this year. Onward to the picks; dilly dilly!
Florida -6.5 Grrrr Florida's mad.
Vanderbilt +17 Grrrr Vanderbilt's mad.
TAMU -11.5 Grrrr Texas A&M's mad.
Kentucky -4 Tennessee is dead to me. They will probably win.
Mississippi State +24.5 Alabama won at LSU by 29, but sure! They'll beat a significantly worse team at home by less! *severe fetal alcohol syndrome emoji*
Auburn +14.5 Wrong.
LSU -13 100% wrong.
now this is paper
1) $524 on The University of UGA straight up at -524; I stand to win (check my math here) $100.
* Remember how 2016 was the best ever Saban Alabama team
Fun Fact (Believe me, this one is fun): It was the same 7 match-em-ups, ranked below by how much the lines have changed in two years:
7. TAMU - Old Mist: TAMU -10.5 to TAMU -11.5 (1 point)
6. South Carolina - Florida: UF -11.5 to UF -6.5 (5 points)
5. MSU - Alabama: Alabama -30* to Alabama -24.5 (5.5 points)
4. LSU - Arkansas: LSU -7 to LSU -13 (6 points)
3. Vandy - Mizzou: Mizzou -3.5 to Mizzou -17 (13.5 points)
2. Kentucky - Tennessee: Tennessee -13.5 to Kentucky -4 (17.5 points)
1. Auburn - UGA: Auburn -11 ahahahahahhahah to UGA -14.5 (25.5 points)
You went 6-1. I went 2-5. I am confident I can do worse this year. Onward to the picks; dilly dilly!
Florida -6.5 Grrrr Florida's mad.
Vanderbilt +17 Grrrr Vanderbilt's mad.
TAMU -11.5 Grrrr Texas A&M's mad.
Kentucky -4 Tennessee is dead to me. They will probably win.
Mississippi State +24.5 Alabama won at LSU by 29, but sure! They'll beat a significantly worse team at home by less! *severe fetal alcohol syndrome emoji*
Auburn +14.5 Wrong.
LSU -13 100% wrong.
now this is paper
1) $524 on The University of UGA straight up at -524; I stand to win (check my math here) $100.
* Remember how 2016 was the best ever Saban Alabama team
Pick 'Em telling the truth and it hurts
Florida (-6.5) this game is gonna make me lose my mind
Vanderbilt (+17) this game is gonna make me go all out
Ole Miss (+11.5) this game is gonna make me act a fool
Kentucky (-4) this game is gonna make me lose my cool
Mississississippi State (+24.5) What's gon' be the outcome? Let's add up all the factors.
Auburn (+14.5) it's wack, it's twisted
LSU (-13) this one's on Coach O
$$$$$
Now I'm broke! $651.61! And errrbody know!
$158.71 straight up! on Alabama to win $4.76
$10 straight up! on Auburn to win $45
Vanderbilt (+17) this game is gonna make me go all out
Ole Miss (+11.5) this game is gonna make me act a fool
Kentucky (-4) this game is gonna make me lose my cool
Mississississippi State (+24.5) What's gon' be the outcome? Let's add up all the factors.
Auburn (+14.5) it's wack, it's twisted
LSU (-13) this one's on Coach O
$$$$$
Now I'm broke! $651.61! And errrbody know!
$158.71 straight up! on Alabama to win $4.76
$10 straight up! on Auburn to win $45
Monday, November 05, 2018
I don't know you from Adam, but if you're gonna make some good picks, please do pick week eleven
The inspiration for stylish Jamaican superstar Shaggy: 3-4 (38-34)
The inspiration for oafish Scooby Doo associate Shaggy: 3-4 (36-36)
so close! Fitting for a week that makes us ask why football ever existed and why it won't go away.
South Carolina at Florida (-6.5)
Vanderbilt at Missourah (-17)
Ole Miss at TAMU (-11.5)
Kentucky (-4) at Tennessee
Mississississippi State at Alabama (-24.5)
Auburn at Georgia (-14.5)
LSU (-13) at Arkansas
-------------------
"a nice bookie": less close
Straight cash: $1172.29
Stale stash: $651.61
The inspiration for oafish Scooby Doo associate Shaggy: 3-4 (36-36)
so close! Fitting for a week that makes us ask why football ever existed and why it won't go away.
South Carolina at Florida (-6.5)
Vanderbilt at Missourah (-17)
Ole Miss at TAMU (-11.5)
Kentucky (-4) at Tennessee
Mississississippi State at Alabama (-24.5)
Auburn at Georgia (-14.5)
LSU (-13) at Arkansas
-------------------
"a nice bookie": less close
Straight cash: $1172.29
Stale stash: $651.61
Thursday, November 01, 2018
(To the tune of "Eye of the Tiger") picks picks picks picks picks picks picks picks picks picks picks
Auburn (-4.5) I BELIEVE that i will have the chance to attend this game
Old Mist (Pick Em!) I guess? I don't think South Carolina is as good as they were.
Georgia (-9.5) This is a real close one. I think Georgia will win something like 20-10.
Florida (-6) I don't know
UNC-Charlotte (+21) This line is hilarious, that I think UNCC will cover is hilarious, and that Tennessee beat Auburn is hilarious
La Tech (+23) Seems like a big line.
ALABAMA (-14.5) Seems like a big line, but fortunately we live in a hellscape which will mercifully be denuded of life by global warming in the next century or so.
$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$"the slice bookie"$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$
Cash on hand: $711.61. Spending at least $177.90. No games really jump out at me. Gonna borrow "tha captain's special" for part of this one.
$36 on Georgia straight up, to win $10.
$62.50 on Alabama straight up, to win $10.
$80 UNCC-Tennessee will go over 46 points.
Old Mist (Pick Em!) I guess? I don't think South Carolina is as good as they were.
Georgia (-9.5) This is a real close one. I think Georgia will win something like 20-10.
Florida (-6) I don't know
UNC-Charlotte (+21) This line is hilarious, that I think UNCC will cover is hilarious, and that Tennessee beat Auburn is hilarious
La Tech (+23) Seems like a big line.
ALABAMA (-14.5) Seems like a big line, but fortunately we live in a hellscape which will mercifully be denuded of life by global warming in the next century or so.
$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$"the slice bookie"$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$
Cash on hand: $711.61. Spending at least $177.90. No games really jump out at me. Gonna borrow "tha captain's special" for part of this one.
$36 on Georgia straight up, to win $10.
$62.50 on Alabama straight up, to win $10.
$80 UNCC-Tennessee will go over 46 points.
*to the tune of don't speak* tenth week... i know just what i'm pickin
ho ho ho, welcome to the Christmas season
Texas A&M +4.5 Blech.
South Carolina Picking this game is the hardest thing I've ever had to do. In the end I literally flipped a coin. It dropped on the floor the first try and I thought I lost it. It was heads (South Carolina). I flipped again and caught it... heads again. That's fate telling me something, baby.
Georgia -9.5 No, this isn't right. Georgia will win but not cover. Whatever. Not changing it!!
Florida -6 This also isn't right.
Tennessee -21 Seems like the sort of thing Tennessee would do.
La Tech +23 Seems like the sort of thing Mississippi St. would do.
LSU +14.5 Alabanana wins a one score game. That one score will be 14-0.
Well yeehaw pardners i'm right back where i started. yeehaw
This is what is known as "being stupid:"
1) $999.31 on tua and the boys straight up at -580. I stand to win $172.29.
yeehaw
Texas A&M +4.5 Blech.
South Carolina Picking this game is the hardest thing I've ever had to do. In the end I literally flipped a coin. It dropped on the floor the first try and I thought I lost it. It was heads (South Carolina). I flipped again and caught it... heads again. That's fate telling me something, baby.
Georgia -9.5 No, this isn't right. Georgia will win but not cover. Whatever. Not changing it!!
Florida -6 This also isn't right.
Tennessee -21 Seems like the sort of thing Tennessee would do.
La Tech +23 Seems like the sort of thing Mississippi St. would do.
LSU +14.5 Alabanana wins a one score game. That one score will be 14-0.
Well yeehaw pardners i'm right back where i started. yeehaw
This is what is known as "being stupid:"
1) $999.31 on tua and the boys straight up at -580. I stand to win $172.29.
yeehaw
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