Submitted Title: “High Five!”
1. Patching holes in cabinets from poorly thrown darts: $5. Fixing hot tub contaminated with lake-water: $100. Fixing flooded Wave-Runner: $50. New taillight for trailer: $100. New front grill for Jeep: $200. Getting invited to lake-house next spring break: hopeless.
Ha! We’re assholes. Although... I jumped into a nearly freezing pool recently and I can somewhat relate to the bowel-gripping panic of needing to get the fuck out of freezing water as fast as possible. Charlie was well within his rights to flood that Wave-Runner. Also too, I’m certain I grossly underestimated every single one of those prices.
2. Upon returning from spring break, I noticed an excitingly fresh idea brought to the table by Valley Foods. Beef sticks and sunflower seeds in the Norton Campus Center Cafeteria (I’m still holding out after four years of not calling it by its less dignified, abbreviated name). Finally, beef without the hassle of putting it on a plate. Finally, sunflower seeds without the hassle of growing sunflower-seed-bearing-plants. Now, if only there were some way that I could publicly yet anonymously express my appreciation to the Valley Foods staff using the disposable products that they supply us…
WHAT YOU MEAN LIKE A NAPKIN BOARD???
Supreme Editor/Overlord Hallie bought me a beef stick and some sunflower seeds because she liked this article.
3. You know what would be a cool name for a band? The Meat Mistake.
Update: No, it wouldn’t.
4. Thank you, UConn. Thank you for overthrowing the reign of terror that was one win away from ending my basketball-watching days forever. This near-disaster illustrates why the NCAA tournament is fun for bracket pools and drama but is bad for determining a national champion. It’s entertaining to see a “Cinderella” team win a couple of games. However, each team plays thirty or so regular-season games for a reason. These games should give us an idea of who the best three or four teams in the nation are. We shouldn’t need to throw another 61 or 62 into the mix. In college football, they only play eleven or twelve games and we know whom the best two or three teams are. The NCAA tournament will endure because of its popularity and inclusiveness. However, it’s champion is determined too much by seeding and freak upsets that can lead to a four or five seed never having to play a higher seeded team until the round of four or later.
UConn beat Alabama. That’s what the first part means. The NCAA tournament is a raging gimmick. Other gimmicks wear NCAA tournament pajamas.
5. Finally, I leave you with a BSC-localized non-issue. I am firmly against the next President of Birmingham-Southern changing our mascot. Despite there being no possibility of this happening, I am vehemently opposed to it. The panther, Felis concolor, also known as catamount, cougar, puma, and mountain lion has proudly represented our school for many successful and scandal-free years. And since this is, indeed a non-issue, it is a moot point that our mascot is not offensive or degrading to any race, species, or occupation like so many mascots are. Certainly, any panther would be proud that his characteristics of courage, cunning, and strength would be deemed fitting for a proud athletic tradition. Thus, since the thought of changing our mascot had not crossed anyone’s mind before this article, we the students of BSC, as well as panthers everywhere, can sleep well.
Wow, something I actually like. It was Juicebot’s idea. Only one installment of Garage Days left, look for it soon!
No, Meat Mistake is good, but don't use "the" because we need to be open to the possibility that there is more than one meat mistake.
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