Originally submitted as “Dumb Title.”
1. So much for visual aids. After last issue’s picture debacle where the only two pictures I sent in were matched with the wrong articles, I’ve given up on trying to put anything nice to look at in my section. From now on, I’m just going to request that the campus directory picture for each writer be put next to his or her respective article. I think this will be beneficial to the reader as well as being pretty much inoffensive. Hopefully, this will be a compromise we all can live with.
Looks like my pix got NEUMANNED. I wouldn’t have been such a passive-aggressive dick if things like that didn’t happen every single issue.
2. [scene missing]
Nine Inch Nails reference? I'm so goth-dustrial.
3. There’s a sign in the cellar that reads: “Tipping is not a city in China.” As far as I know, this is right, but it got me thinking pedantically as usual. Certainly there are a great many incorporated townships in the great red bastion of China. “Tipping” certainly sounds Chinese and it seemed perfectly likely that somewhere there would be a place in China named Tipping. Then however, it was pointed out that most Chinese neighborhoods in America share the name “Chinatown.” Perhaps the Chinese aren’t so multitudinous in their geographical nomenclature after all. Touché, cellar.
Casual, subtle racism. It’s what I’m about.
4. In the far-reaching search for BSC’s next Commander-In-Chief, I think that the very serious issue of BSC not sponsoring football needs to be addressed. If I were running this search, the first question that I would ask any would-be successor to Dr. Berte would be: “We need a football team, can you make it happen?” The fact that we’re a smaller college is a non-issue; Huntingdon College, in Montgomery, which recently picked-up football as a varsity sport has an enrollment of 577, about a third of BSC’s. Of course, Huntingdon is Division III, we would be competing at the Division I-AA level with a majority of schools that vastly outnumber us. Problem? Not for Wofford College of Spartanburg, South Carolina, whose Fighting Terriers football team is, at this writing, ranked fifth in the latest Division I-AA poll with a 7 – 1 record and an enrollment of only 1133. Would a fledgling program like BSC be squeezed out by the mammoth programs at the state universities? I believe that there is a sufficient market to sustain a Panther football team. Currently, Alabama has one college football team for (approximately) every 318,000 people. This ranks us 29th in the United States, far behind such gridiron netherworlds as North and South Dakota, Montana, West Virginia, and Iowa. Sadly, the people running our presidential search don’t share my priorities and its not likely that BSC will throw its helmet in the ring of national college football for a long time.
Prophetic. NOT! Also too, my poorly worded influence and arbitrary statistics have hit home statewide. In addition to BSC, Concordia College in Selma and Faulkner University in Montgomery have added football programs in the last five years.
5. If current trends continue and this paper comes out in mid-March, I’d like to wish everyone a fun and task-oriented Spring Break.
This makes me laugh. I’ll spoil the surprise. The next issue actually came out on March 1st. The paper sucked so much. We couldn't even get a special Black History Month edition out. Evan Milligan was so disappointed.
I like it when you do research. Put those mindgrapes to work.
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