A Captainz Week Five Picks: Think of a good subtitle. don't forget. ok working on this again. think of a subtitle next time. ok editing again. ah crap no subtitle. ok, uh something clever.. come on man aaaaaccck!!!!

In my head I was just counting the games to see if I could come up with a theme for the picks. One of the cool things about having a kid is that when I count now, I do it in the cadence of a battery operated cat who implores me to roll him around the floor, singing the numbers 1 - 20 as he goes. We don't own such a toy, it's just part of "being a dad."

At any rate, there are 5 count em 5 games. Didn't think of a theme. In fact, this is my last edit and now I'm about to go home and I haven't even written any stupid words after my stupid picks. I'm sorry, I'll try to think of something stupid to say about each game this weekend "in real time." Ok editing again, really i'm out the door. going to write the first stupid thing that comes to mind after each pick (not actually looking at the games, just writing something) ok go!

Arkansas + 23.5   Voldemort

Vanderbilt - 6.5  oh crap uh dumbledore

Old Mist +35.5   harry potter

Mississippi St. + 11    baziiinga

South Carolina -2.5   a man named Bubba "Turds" Gunderson, just imagine a guy like that

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$$$

Check this out. I got 1,076.58 in fake moolah. Nice Bookie, put me down for the following nonsense:

• $927.07 on TAMU straight up at -2000. I stand to win $46.35.
• $72.93 on The Mississippi State University straight up at +350. I stand to win $255.26 as well as your respect and admiration.

If TAMU and Auburn win, I will still have $1,050.00 even though you will neither respect nor admire me.