Graduate School Nonfiction

This totally happened.

Four graduate students sit around a table in a pleasantly decorated academic lobby.

Graduate Student Alpha: ...and my dad has a battleaxe that he keeps next to his bed and sometimes when he's in the living room he carries it with him just in case. He also showed me where all the guns are in the house in case something happens to him. Also, he has a mace. It's really just a club with a bunch on nails hammered into one end. Also, I think he might have a blow-gun. Anyway, he always likes to carry a gun when he does yard work... oh hey, there's a tortilla in my pocket.

Graduate Student Alpha stops, reaches into her pocket, produces a folded white flour tortilla. She takes a bite. Graduate Students Beta, Gamma, and Delta stare, caught in a state of surreal amazement.

Graduate Student Alpha: It's better than the time I found a five month old taco in a CD case. So, anyway, he says that nobody expects you to be armed when you're doing yard work...

curtains.