Halfway through the quarterfinals. You know you're interested. To keep things fresh, I'll describe the games through nothing but soccer/sports cliches.
Villareal 1 - 1 Arsenal
Appropriate Cliches: Anything you can do I can do better! Brilliant goal by Villareal answered by brillianter goal by Arsenal. Slight advantage to the Gunners heading back to London. But anything can happen!
Manchester United 2 - 2 Porto
Appropriate Cliches: Against all odds, the scrappy underdogs looked like the more motivated team against the overwhelming favorites. Mistakes will cost you! Three of the four goals came from egregious defensive errors! You can't hurt yourself!
Liverpool 1 - 3 Chelsea
Appropriate Cliches: The Comstock Lode of cliches. These two teams seem to play each other every year in the Champions League! It's so crazy! The games in question haven't always been the most entertaining affairs but today's game was up and down the field. BASKETBALL ON GRASS! Also too: krazy komeback! Liverpool scored first then Chelsea went bonkers! Also too: Who is this guy?!?!?!? Fringe player and only occasional starter scores two for Chelsea. And if that wasn't enough of a heartwarming story, he's Serbian! It doesn't get any better! Liverpool faces an uphill climb!
Barcelona 4 - 0 Bayern Munich
Appropriate Cliches: The best team in the history of sports? Indubitably. Barcelona are putting up video game numbers. They took their foot off the gas in the second half. You can't stop them, you can only hope that they don't plow your wife after they're done scoring lots and lots of goals.
BONUS CLICHE: Garbled internet text comment from uefa.com regarding game! "Barca players they are not human I thinking there are ufo man ;) playing great!" Nice.
The best news you've heard all day: Only one week to wait for the second legs. Pencil Chelsea and Barcelona into the more interesting of the two semifinals. Admit it, you're erect.