Here's my list, in order of preference, for the next head football coach at Auburn. Bold indicates that they have officially or are strongly rumored to have been interviewed/contacted for the job. An asterisk* indicates that they are not apparently a serious candidate. I have included everyone that has been contacted or considered (this does not, it seems, include Nutt, God be praised).
This first group is, I think, outstanding, and I would be pretty happy with any of them. Any of them except perhaps for Strong will also do a lot to settle talk of Auburn trading down from Tuberville (which is a rightly a concern).
---Mike Leach, Texas Tech head coach*: Ok so Auburn basically told him to shove off, and he shouldn't be on my list. But so what? He's a great coach, and Auburn's administration is foolish for not pursuing him. If nothing else, Auburn won't get worse, and it would be a lot more interesting to watch in several (generally good) ways. What Leach has done at Texas Tech is the equivalent of making South Carolina or Kentucky a national title contender in the mid- to late-1990s, when Spurrier and Fulmer were at their peaks. He's young enough, and if he can do as much better at Auburn as the higher talent possibilities should allow, he'll have Auburn at least in national title talk. If he's willing to hire a capable defensive coordinator and let him recruit what he needs (Tubby's available!), the sky is the limit.
---Paul Johnson, Georgia Tech head coach: If Leach is 1 in my book, Johnson is 1A. I don't know if he's a candidate or not, but I hope he is. He just got to Tech, and the ACC is ripe for the picking right now. Unlike Leach, who all but begged for the job, Johnson will be tough to get. But like Leach, he runs an unconventional offense about as well as possible, and he's been a winner everywhere he's been. More so! Johnson's record is shockingly good, and if he ran a West Coast or pro style or even spread offense, he'd already be somewhere big time. Also, if you want to salve the wounds among Auburn fans about the spread, what better way to do it than with the triple option? Pat Dye would collapse in orgasm every game.
---Turner Gill, Buffalo head coach: He doesn't have the experience Kelly does, but everything I see about Gill seems to indicate he's one of those natural leaders who succeeds because people respect him, admire him, and want to work harder for him. He took over arguably the worst program in the country and made them respectable. For six years, Buffalo was never favored by the bookies to win a single game, and now they're MAC Champions. Of Auburn's current list of official contacts, he's easily the best.
---Brian Kelly, Cincinnati head coach*: He's the JCCW favorite, which carries a lot of weight with me. Kelly has won everywhere he's been and has tons of experience, plus he's got the chops on both sides of the ball.
---Charlie Strong, Florida defensive coordinator*: I would prefer a guy with experience as a head coach. That said, if we're going to get an assistant, outside of Will Muschamp (who is not coming), I think Strong is the best shot in the country. His defenses are always solid or better, and he's considered a great recruiter. This doesn't always mean anything, but Florida's linebackers (the position he coaches) have been great.
The next two are less impressive. If Auburn actually gets any of them, I'll be mostly disappointed but willing to wait and see.
---Brady Hoke, Ball State head coach: A good run lately, but Ball State fans don't seem to think he is anything special, so neither do I.
---Jimbo Fisher, FSU offensive coordinator/coach in waiting*: He's apparently not coming, and I am glad. Jimbo has never shown that he can get more with less, which is basically the job description at Auburn, where you play at least three or four teams a year with better natural recruiting situations. Plus, we don't know if he's a good recruiter or not (although I'm sure he would do fine.
None of the rest should be the next head coach at Auburn.
---Derek Dooley, Louisiana Tech head coach: He is 12-12 at Louisiana Tech. I need a little more than that. Dooley, Garner, and Nix all appear to be courtesy interviews.
---Rodney Garner, Georgia assistant/recruiting coordinator: I think he would be a great defensive coordinator and recruiting coordinator under whoever the new guy is, but he's not ready for prime time.
---Patrick Nix, Miami offensive coordinator: I really liked him as a quarterback, but let's face it, his Miami offenses have not been setting the world on fire. If Garner and Nix are serious candidates, Auburn is about to make Alabama's last ten years of turmoil look insignificant by comparison.
---Todd Graham, Tulsa head coach: A Petrino-esque jerk that's not good enough to be worth hiring a dickhole for. Plus I think Malzahn is the real star of that outfit.
What can we take from this little exercise? Few of the best picks (in my eyes) are being seriously considered, and one of them was never given a real shot. Also, the Auburn administration seems to be using this process to boost the coaching prestige of a few alums and their family members. That's not a good sign.
BAD VIBES, MAN.
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