Garage Days Revisited: 10/03/2002

Ah, unconventional formats. The beginning of my experimentational period (read: starting to get tired of writing these things every few weeks). The overlying theme here: when I try to actually say something, I come off as a turd. The best shit is the shit that don't make sense.

1. Writing “5 Things” is a pretty sweet deal. I get paid 15 dollars to write 500 words about whatever I want to, divided into 5 sections. Like this “thing” I’m writing right now, this random, non-socially conscious, insubstantial, meaningless, incoherent “thing”… its earning me 3 dollars. I’m not informing you of anything, I’m not giving you tips to make any household chore easier, I’m not helping you with consumer concerns, I’m not making you laugh, I’m not entertaining you at all, really. I’m writing about getting paid 3 dollars and getting paid 3 dollars for it. Now that’s your tuition in action.

It's surprising that I made it to the fourth article before I got so blatantly self-aware. I still hadn't grasped the its/it's distinction. I just hope my bucolic rapist of an editor caught it.

2. Me: Charles, can I write a pro-marijuana article?
Charles: Yes, assuming its not, “oh man…joint…rock on!”
Me: Well, I guess I’ll have to rewrite that.
Charles: Excellent, dude.

Things I like about this: 1) I think this exact conversation actually happened. 2) I think we were both sitting at our computer desks and just yelling down the hall. 3) The idea (not true, sadly) that I had just written a stoner's ode to weed.

3. I think that a lot of people make marijuana out to be a lot worse than it really is. I wouldn’t say that I’m an avid supporter of the legalization of pot, but I definitely don’t believe that it falls into the same category (danger-wise) with other drugs like cocaine or heroin. I think it is stupid to have pre-formed conceptions of someone who smokes marijuana as a “pot-head” or believe that the fact that a person smokes marijuana in any way affects the quality of an individual’s character or morality. There is a difference between drug use and drug abuse. Sure, if someone lets marijuana become too large a part of his or her life, it can have negative effects. The key is self-control. It’s easy with things that aren’t all that much of an immediately gratifying experience like, say, brushing your teeth. If you brush your teeth too much, your gums will bleed all over the place. But nobody brushes their teeth to the point of excess because nobody gets their jollies from some Aqua-fresh and a Crest spin-brush.

HOLY SHIT! POT ISN'T AS BAD AS HEROIN? SOME PEOPLE WHO SMOKE POT FUNCTION NORMALLY? SELF-CONTROL IS THE KEY TO ENJOYMENT OF ANYTHING? I SURE OPENED A LOT OF EYES WITH THIS ONE! Idiot. I should have gone with “oh man…joint…rock on!”

4. Getting your picture taken is a lot more fun for all parties involved if you make robot noises when the photographer tells you to adjust yourself for the camera.

Now I'm stealing material from my brother. The noises are fun, though.

5. An average Friday night in North suite 3E:
2:05pm: get back from class; play 26 games of minesweeper.
2:16pm: reminded by Charles that my column is due at 6:00.
2:17pm: remind Charles that I already submitted my column the night before.
2:22pm: Charles asks me what he should write his editorial about.
2:22pm: echo Charles’s question with contemplative, “What should you write your editorial about?”
2:22pm: Charles asks me if he stuttered.
2:22pm: echo Charles’s question with contemplative, “Did you stutter?”
2:23pm: begin trying to play Gamecube.
2:46pm: realize that we don’t own any Gamecube games.
2:51pm: stop trying to play Gamecube.
2:52pm: play 2,567 more games of minesweeper.
3:01am: realize that its 3:01am.
3:01am: realize that I mentioned Charles 9 times in my column.
3:02am: go to bed.

Charlie getting name-dropped like never before.

Do you see what I did there? It took me 23 minutes to realize we don't have any games and then another 5 to actually stop trying to play them. Also, that conversation is totally accurate. This was clearly pre "Party God Would Throw" because after that, our Friday nights were mostly bitches and cars.