Garage Days Revisited: 10/16/2002

Still published regularly. Charles, you were ten times the editor I was. Also ten times the man. Fattie. As for this little article we have here: Noteworthy? NO. Perfunctory? Oh, balls yes.

1. I don’t care about anything substantial. I was trying to write about something serious and with some relevance to world events and the pressing concerns that universally challenge humanity. Then I realized that I don’t really care enough about any of that to actually write about it. I mean, theonion.com is my primary news source. I also realize that probably a lot of people don’t want to hear a random, sarcastic, math major give his two cents about anything that requires a keen social conscience. So here’s your usual, expected, batch of trivial BS.

So I’ve moved from bragging about writing bullshit to bemoaning it. I think I was in an especially sour mood while writing this. Update: I still don’t care! I hate when people refer to themselves as “sarcastic” and also when they identify themselves by his or her major.

2. Why is it that the people use the term “sub-par” as a negative identifier, when in golf, where the term originated, being below par is the desired result?

Identifier? Am I on the right track with that?

3. I like the BCS. For those of you who don’t know, the BCS is a college football ranking system that takes into account a variety of factors from schedule strength to a battery of computer-created polls. It is designed to create a season ending match-up of the two most deserving college football teams. Of course, the system is not perfect, but the final champion (although not always the final two competing teams) of it has, so far, been an acceptable one. In its 4 years of existence it has created a unanimous national champion who very few can argue with as being the best team in the land. Those of you moaning for a playoff system would very rarely be able to say that if such a system were implemented. Does anybody really think that the Patriots were the best team in the NFL last year? I hope not. Or take a look at this year’s baseball playoffs. The Angels, the 3rd best team in the AL are in the World Series and will be playing the Giants, the 4th best team in the NL. Neither of these teams even won their divisions and now they will be playing for a world championship. These are the kind of undeserving champion situations that a playoff system can produce. It can be even worse in the NBA and NHL where 16 teams, about half of the respective leagues, get to the playoffs and can theoretically win a championship. This is ridiculous. Thank God for college football, where the season itself is like a single-elimination playoff.

I’m still okey-dokey with the BCS.

4. Only juniors and seniors will remember this, but wasn’t it great when we could serve ourselves in Norton Campus Center Cafeteria? (“The caf” you say? I’ll call it “the caf” right after I call my mailbox combination my “combo” and coat my head with cherry grenadine and stick it in an ant hill.) Remember getting exactly how much of everything you wanted and having it exactly where you wanted it on your plate? Freshmen and Sophomores, I’m sorry you’ll never know the proud food service institution that we were once so lucky to have the honor of frequenting. And now I’m going to cheat you all by ending my article after only 4 partitions. I wonder if they’ll still title it “Five Things.”

Take that, establishment! I don’t have the balls to pull off a stunt like this anymore.

I still hate it when any person refers to any cafeteria as "the caf."

Did you know that the word "grenadine" comes from the French word "grenade" which means "pomegranate?"