Garage Days Revisited: 02/14/2003

Valentine’s Day! Love is in the air. That and a pregnancy scare. Another wacky screwball title, too: “5 jews walk into a bar…” I’m so out there! Again, I don’t think this was ever published. Probably a good thing.

1. Nothing kills a good mood like sitting down and writing this stupid article. Especially now that I’ve realized that a few people actually read it. I’ve gotten calls and emails from both students and professors, reflecting both positive and negative feelings. This only makes it harder to write, when I know that the hurried piddle paddle that I hurriedly write the night before the deadline will actually be read by people I don’t know. It’s a good thing that I shy from human interaction as vehemently as I do, or I probably couldn’t write this column at all.

One of the main bullet points about Tha Captain is that I respond abysmally to pressure.

2. Here’s an idea: how about instead of you listening to Ja Rule, Ludicrous, etc. you just pay me to come to your room and glorify my misogynistic leanings by saying them as I kick a catchy, rhythmic beat on your wall? The conclusion I’ve come to is that people will ignore what you’re saying, no matter how degrading it is, as long as it sounds good. I am all for free speech and support the right of rappers to say whatever they want but the fact that women will willingly listen to (and enjoy) some songs is like a Semite decorating his wall with Nazi hate propaganda because he or she thinks it looks cool.

The analogy is stupid but this still amazes me.

3. I’ve come to a decision recently: Milo’s Sweet Tea is balls-out tasty. Perhaps growing up in a household where sweet tea and other liquids of its ilk were reserved for those of the adult persuasion influenced me to be a late-blooming tea enthusiast. I have arrived now, however.

I wonder what word would have replaced “balls-out” in the paper. I hope it would have been “groin-grabbingly.”

4. Its official. I’ve sold out. For the sake of pure artistic expression, this section of the column was originally written in binary code, but under pressure from the powers that be, I buckled and agreed to rewrite the section as long as I could whine about not being allowed to write in binary. I would still say that this is still a monumental compromise of my principles, even with the small victory of whining privileges. If there’s one thing I avoid like the plague (along with human interaction), it’s compromising my principles. So, you can guess that this particular concession doesn’t sit well with me. It isn’t the first time I’ve had to rewrite part of an article for some nitpicky reason like “it can only be read by computers”, “you can’t write words words words repeatedly to make your article have a higher word count”, or “I don’t think you can say (insert offensive phrase here) in the paper.” But this time I knew it would be rejected and I told myself I wouldn’t rewrite it. But I did and here we are.

I think it was something about Pearl Harbor that I wrote in binary.

5. Well, I hope that some good has come from my writing.

Nope.